Daily Motivations - How To Improve Self Esteem

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

Speaker: Marisa Peer Thanks to Athena Aspnes for supporting us  Instagram - @daily_motivationsorg     Facebook- @daily_motivationsorg Interested in sponsoring this show reach out to us via [e-mail] Grab your Ultimate Female Body Fitness Guide Ebook  copy now at an exclusive 50% off discount  https://selar.co/42zb40?currency=USD Kindly Support Us Below to sustain future episodes. Support the Show.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to Daily Motivation, where you get motivated and inspired. I've been a therapist for many, many years, and I noticed very early on in my therapy that every client that came in for whatever issue behind the issue is the issue of confidence so when I worked with people to lose weight which was my speciality a lot of my clients would go yeah I did really well until I went out for pizza with my friends and I just couldn't ask for different food I couldn't go somewhere and say can I have the fish without the sauce I can have the salad without the

dressing then I'd work with people who had alcohol problems, and they'd say, you know, I'm fine until I go to the pub, but I don't know how to say in front of people, I'm not drinking. I work with many children who come in who are bullied, and several who are bullies. And behind that was the same issue of, I need people to like me.

And we're never taught in school that the word esteem actually means how much I like myself. So when I'm talking about confidence and self-esteem, when we say I hold that person in the highest esteem, we mean I like him, I value him. And we buy all these books and products on self-esteem without even understanding what self-esteem without even understanding what self-esteem means. Self-esteem means how much you like yourself, how much you value yourself.

You know what? Until you really like yourself, nothing else matters. Often my neighbors, because I work so much at home now, go, I saw this movie star coming to your door because they always turn up in a limo with a bodyguard or I saw this famous model leaving your house and why are they seeing you? They're perfect. But people who have everything often don't have the one thing they really need.

High self-esteem. It's why so many people who make it and who we look at and envy like Robert Downey Jr. or Philip Seymour Hoffman or Heath Ledger end up taking a lot of drugs and destroying themselves because they try so hard to make the world like them and they succeed but you have to like yourself. So if you're lacking confidence in any area of your life, that may be in your career that you can't sell or you can't pitch or you can't speak

or you're not very good at going for an interview. It may be that you can't go for a promotion or in your job you're not able to speak up and share your ideas. It may be in your professional life that you're not attracting the kind of person you'd like to share your life with because you don't feel good enough. Maybe even in your area of your health, you don't go to the gym because you don't feel you're good enough to go to the gym.

You don't ask for particular foods because you haven't got the confidence to go, I don't eat pizza or fries. So whatever it is in your life that you want, when you work on your confidence, everything starts to fall into place. So I have some patients who are very confident at work, but terrible in relationships because they can put on an act and work, but they don't feel lovable. I have other people who have a nice relationship but a terrible career because they can't get promoted. I have other clients who seem to be quite arrogant but they're really convincing everyone else that they're worth it because they don't actually believe it. So the most important thing to do is to work on your confidence and the way you build your confidence is by liking yourself. So I want you to imagine right now, if you really, really liked yourself, how different would your life be? Just close your eyes and imagine if you

liked you, if you got up and thought you were great, how different would your life be? And when I had a young child and was a parent of a young child I would encourage my child every day to go I like myself I like myself I'd focus on things she was good at I never told her she was good at everything but I wanted her to feel that she liked herself when she came in with um a summer dress and a pair of winter boots and what do I look like go what do you think you look like because even at an early age I was trying to teach her that what you think about you matters more than what other people think about you. And here's what we often do. We try so hard to make people like us. We have something on our head that goes, please like me. And that behavior doesn't make people like you. It makes them take

you for granted. It makes them bully you. And we often send children out into the world trying so hard to make people like them because they believe, if everyone else likes me, I'm okay. I see that with young women and young men just new to the dating scene, trying so hard to please the person they're dating. And actually it doesn't work.

What works is going through life with something in your head that says, I really like me. And if you like me too, that's great. But if you don't, I can live with that too because I like me. Every baby on the world is worn loaded with self-esteem. No baby, when they're being pushed down the street

in their stroller goes, oh, don't look at me. I'm having a bad hair day, or I've just been sick on my little romper suit, or I've got really fat legs. Babies' first experience on the planet is being looked at. When you're born, the doctor, the nurse, the midwife look at you. Family come to visit you. You get your picture taken. People show you off, and babies don't avert their eyes when you take their picture. When I used to push my little girl down the street and look in her pram and go, oh my God, she's so gorgeous. She never looked away. She kicked her little legs. She gave a big gummy smile because she knew that she was gorgeous too. And if you ever doubt that children like attention, go to a park, go to a swimming pool and you

hear every child going, Mommy, Mommy, look at me on the swing. Daddy, watch me on the slide. Mommy, Mommy, watch me jump in the water. Watch me swim, watch me jump. Because children have this belief that I'm worthy of attention, and I like it, and I can ask for it, and I'll get it. And then you have to ask, well, where does that go?

Well, it goes very fast. You know, if I said to my little girl at two sing my mummy a song she would sing if I said to her at 14 sing me a song she'd roll her eyes and go oh my god it's so embarrassing and walk out of the room because at a very early age we acquire a fear of being judged it's what is called performance. What if I sing and someone laughs at me? What if I read in class and I get it wrong? What if I stand up to speak and I don't know what to say? Performance anxiety can be so intense that it makes us stop performing.

But people who perform really well like themselves. They go, well, I'll see what happens and I'll sing, I'll dance, I'll act. I mean, some people can't even dance at a party in case everyone's looking at them and judging them badly. Some of my clients won't even go to yoga in case they can't hold the poses like everyone else and believe me we're all so busy worrying about us. We don't have time to look at you and comment on your yoga position or how you're dancing at a party. And we kind of like people who don't care, who just let go and have a good time. So the thing you need to have phenomenal confidence really are two things. Stop judging yourself and be nice to yourself. You see, the only person in the world who is judging you is

you. No one else is going, oh, look at you and look at what you're doing and that's wrong. And if there is anyone in your life doing that, if anyone in your life is judging you, they are unhappy because critical people have the most, criticism is there for themselves. They express outwards their own dissatisfaction. Happy people go, I love seeing someone fat at the swimming pool having a great time. I love the fact that they're so happy and uninhibited. Happy people go,

I love hearing children dancing and laughing and making a noise because they're happy. So critical people have the most criticism reserved for themselves. They express outwardly their own dissatisfaction. Unhappy people criticize. Happy people praise. So here's some things I want you to start doing today, right now,

that will build your self-esteem super fast. The number one thing is to praise yourself. There is nothing, nothing, nothing that will build your self-esteem like praise, but your praise. If you have a shopper who says, oh, you look really great in the outfit. Yeah, it suits you. You must buy it. They have an agenda. If your boss says you're amazing at your job, but I need to give you work to do over the weekend, they have an agenda. Someone dating you might have an agenda, and your mind knows that when you say, I'm great at my job, I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm nice, people like me, there is no agenda. Unfortunately, when you go, I'm rubbish

at my job, I'm boring, I always mess up and I have no friends, your mind lets that in too, because your mind doesn't really care if what you say is right or wrong, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. Let me prove that to you. I want you to put your hand in front of your face like that. I want you to close your eyes. I want you to imagine you have a big, fat, juicy lemon,

and I want you to breathe in that wonderful lemon smell and just squeeze it a bit and feel that wonderful lemon texture because nothing quite smells like a lemon. So still really believing you have half a lemon in your hand. Open your mouth. Shove that lemon in there. Cram that half a lemon into your mouth

and start chewing and sucking and biting and swallowing the flesh. Keep sucking all that lemon flesh into your mouth, bite it, chew it, suck out the juice. And you will notice that what is happening is your body is responding to a thought as if it's at a fact. Your body is responding to a thought as if it's a fact. Your body is responding to the image and thought of eating a lemon as if you are actually eating a lemon and it's making a saliva because thoughts are things. And every thought you have has a physical reaction in your body and an emotional response to when you think, I don't have friends, I can't talk to people, I can't take things back to a store, I can't ask for special treatment, I don't know how to talk to people, then your mind accepts that as a fact, just like the lemon. But when you say, oh, I can talk to anyone, I'm an interesting person, I'm warm and friendly. People like me and I can make eye contact.

I'm good at my job. I can ask someone out on a date. I can tell the person I'm involved with what I need. Your mind accepts that too. And someone recently said they keep a lemon on their desk now and look at it every day. I'm sure they change it every month because that lemon reminds them every day

that they are responsible for what they think and feel. And you know responsibility, that word means an ability to respond. So I want you to start to praise yourself. I want you to wake up in the morning, the first thing you go is, I like myself. You know, if I go through the day in the life of many of my patients, they get out of bed and go, I look terrible. Oh, this doesn't suit me, I've gained weight, they get out of bed and go, I look terrible. Oh, this doesn't suit me. I've gained weight. I should have had my hair cut. Should have

got this outfit pressed. And they come downstairs and go, oh, I forgot to get milk. I'm an idiot. I forgot to charge my phone. I'm a loser. They drive to work or commute saying, I forgot to prepare for that meeting because I'm stupid. And if you had a friend sharing your life with you and you spoke to them like that when you woke up and went through the day going, you've ruined that, you haven't got enough time for that, you haven't got time to get there, you've blown that, they would leave your life very quickly.

So I want you to be a really good friend to yourself and just praise yourself. You know, we all want to hear the same things. I can tell you what they are right now. No one wants to hear, I'm an amazing dentist. I'm the best CEO in the world. They want to hear, I'm a good person. People like me. I'm smart. I'm kind. I'm interesting. I'm intelligent. I'm funny. I've got a good personality. I matter. My opinions matter. And if you start to tell yourself the things I matter, people like me because I like them. But really, because I like myself, that alone will make your self-esteem go up. Stay with us. We'll be right back.

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Don't miss out on this incredible deal of 50% off. Get your e-book now before it's too late. So I want you to start right now. Every day when you're in the shower, there's nothing much to do in the shower except go. I love the smell of this conditioner I don't like the smell of this body wash so in the shower It's a great way to start your day. I like myself. I matter I'm smart. I'm good at my job Here's something very useful to say I have Phenomenal coping skills I cope with stuff, I've got great coping skills.

You see, we all have a brilliant brain. You have a brilliant brain. When you have a brilliant brain, you have one choice. Rationalize why you feel so bad, or talk yourself out of it. So you can get in the shower and go, oh, I'm going to have a terrible day at work today. That client is a nightmare.

My boss is going to be really upset or everything's going to go wrong. Or you can talk yourself out of it. My boss likes me. That's why they employed me. I've got great coping skills. I have some talents that I'm really good at and I'm going to make today work.

And just doing that will change everything because the words you use form your reality. And when you change your words, you change your reality. So the first thing to remember is nothing will boost your self-esteem like praise. Second thing to remember is the way you feel about anything is down to just two things. The pictures you make in your head and the words you say to yourself. And the pictures you use and the words you use form your reality. And when you change your pictures and you change your words, you change your reality.

Because your brain is always looking for how you feel because of the pictures you use and the words you use. So if you're writing a blog, let's say, and go, oh, this blog is awful, no one's going to read it, I can't write, what I have to say is really boring, then you will start to believe that. If you write a blog going, well, this is interesting, and I really like what I've got to say, I'm sure someone somewhere is going to love what I'm saying.

You'll start to feel very different. You see, there is nothing but the pictures and the words. So let's imagine you could hold a butterfly. It's very pretty, but you probably wouldn't hold a moth. You might put a caterpillar on your arm, but not a worm. You might hold a little ladybird or a ladybug, but it's unlikely you'd hold a cockroach purely because they make different pictures. But you can change the pictures at any time at all, and you can change the words. If your words are, I'm terrified of

speaking in public, it's a nightmare going for an interview. I'm having a heart attack just thinking about asking my boss for a raise. I'm freaking out about asking that nice person if they want to come on a date with me. You're responding to those words, terrified, heart attack, nightmare, freaking out. But when you change the words to, I can speak in public, I'm going to practice, and I get better and better, I make eye contact, I'm really good. My boss likes me, I can go in and explain why I need a raise in a really logical way

and it's going to work. And I can ask that person on a date because I'm an interesting person. You see, the words you use change the pictures. A lot of people go, I'm not visual, I can't visualize it. You know, that doesn't matter. The words are more important than the pictures because words make pictures.

So keep changing your words. Don't say, I'm terrified about going for an appraisal at work because an appraisal at work isn't terrifying unless you use the words, it's terrifying. Say it's a challenge, it's an opportunity, a situation. You see, when you use very intense words, this is a nightmare, this client is killing me, I'm dying under the pressure here, you get a very intense reaction. And when you use different words, you have a different reaction.

And if you look at really confident people, they're not so different from you and I. They do a few things differently. Number one is they like themselves. You can criticize them a little and they won't let it in. They go, well, you can have an opinion that I'm boring or not interesting, but I don't have to let that in because I don't believe you. The second thing is they dialogue with themselves in a really good way.

They're very good at letting in praise and they praise themselves. They're very good at not letting in criticism and they don't criticize themselves. If I said to a confident person, I love that speech, you go, thank you so much, I loved giving it. I said that to an unconfident person, they go,

Oh, it was terrible. Did you notice that I stuttered on that word and actually I forgot the best bit? If I said to a confident person, I really like your blog, they go, Thank you so much. Next week's is even better.

You want to read that? Unconfident ones, they go, I don't really know what I'm doing and my friend's blog is so much better. If I said to a confident person, I love your jacket is to go, I don't really know what I'm doing and my friend's blog is so much better. If I say to a confident person, I love your jacket, they go, I've had it for two years and it needs cleaning. That's what a negative is.

A confident person will go, yeah, it's my favorite jacket too. I love this jacket. It's my favorite. So when someone praises you, it's like someone giving you a gift. You must let it in. And if you really want to grow in confidence, when someone gives you a compliment, say thank you, but then start adding to it, yeah, I loved writing that book.

I love my job. I love selling. Yeah, I particularly like these shoes. They're my favorite. So when you get praise, don't reject it. That's like giving someone a gift back. Accept it and add to it and praise yourself every day. Think about something great about yourself.

So to grow in confidence, praise yourself a lot. You don't have to go over the top. Just keep saying the things. I matter. I'm a good person. I'm smart. People like me because I'm warm and friendly and interesting because I like warm and friendly and interesting

because I like them back. Let praise in. Dialogue with yourself in a very particular way. You know, I worked with someone who was going to therapy every week, she had a lot of issues. And in the therapy room, they were all asked to say something that made them happy, and they'd say something like,

I saw a butterfly today, it was very pretty. Or I walked to work through the park and the daffodils were out, it made me happy. And when it got to her, she said, I have phenomenal coping skills. Because every time she said that word, she was coping better and better. And that hospital, that outpatient ward

for people with mental health issues, said that that ward had the fastest discharge rate because all the other patients have to go, I have phenomenal coping skills too, and I have great coping skills. And then the nurses put posters up around the room because they began to see too, that when people say, I saw a lovely butterfly,

that's very nice. But when you say, I have incredible or phenomenal coping skills, the picture you see is you having phenomenal coping skills. The words you see are that, and then it begins to become your reality. So when you're late, don't go, oh my God, I'm late. I've blown it, or you go, I have phenomenal coping skills. I could be five minutes late.

It really won't make any difference. When you're on a deadline, you can go, my God, I'm never going to get this all finished. Or you can say, I have great coping skills, I can do this. So talk to yourself differently. Let in praise, praise yourself and like yourself. That's all you need to do to massively grow in confidence and self-esteem.

Change your words, change your language, change your pictures, let in praise. And every day, praise yourself and add into that, I really like myself. Listen to the recording and it will change everything. It will change the way you eat, because when you like yourself, you don't eat junk food

just because it's the only thing there, you go out and get something better. When you like yourself, you're not pushed into doing the things you don't want to do to go along with the crowd, because you're able to go, no, I don't drink, or I'm not drinking tonight because I've got this situation at work where I need to be wide awake. People can't manipulate you,

or do things that don't appeal to you, because you have the confidence to go, that's not working for me. And you even argue better with confidence, because you can say, I know you want to do that, but it doesn't feel comfortable to me. That's not what I want to do, in a very nice way. When you have confidence,

you argue in a completely different way. You don't have to be bossy or loud. You just say, that doesn't feel right for me. I'm going to pass. I promise you, these things will change your life. So take the recording I'm giving to you on confidence and self-esteem. Don't be surprised to notice that you can change

in a matter of days, and those changes will last for the rest of your life. And I welcome you and invite you to growing confidence every day. It's incredibly easy because you were born loaded with confidence. All I'm doing is reactivating, re-manifesting, and regenerating

that phenomenal confidence that you were born with, and it's your birthright. Get it back. Use it every day. It makes your life so much better. I should know, I had no confidence. I had very low self-esteem. I was completely self-conscious and shy. I felt massively inadequate.

And even in my early 20s, I was still self-conscious, I had low self-esteem, I had really low confidence. I couldn't even make eye contact when I talked to people. In fact, I couldn't really talk to people. And now, I talk to people all over the world. I address crowds of 2,500 people and more. And actually, I have loads of confidence and I have really high self-esteem.

I'm the same person. I just learned to believe in myself because when you believe in yourself, other people do and when you don't, other people don't. So wherever you are now, I promise you I've been there. So come on board, change your life. Thank you for listening. Thanks for listening. Kindly support the movement of this podcast by supporting us or subscribing to our premium content for more exclusive stuff. When you do so, you also get a shout out in our next episode. Thank you.