Daily Motivations - HOW TO STOP BEING LAZY & START IMPROVING YOUR LIFE

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

HOW TO STOP BEING LAZY & START IMPROVING YOUR LIFE Need a lazy day? It happens to the best of us. In these busy times, taking the occasional lazy day isn’t just alright but much needed. But if you find that you’re taking lazy days more often than not, and you’re having trouble getting things done, it could be a sign that there’s something going on. A lack of passion for your job, an overwhelming to-do list, and even an underlying medical condition are just some of the things that can interfere with your desire to get things done. We cover all the bases here and tell you how to stop laziness so you can be more productive. 5 Healthy and Practical Ways to Break Out of Laziness 1. Make your goals manageable 2. Don’t expect yourself to be perfect 3. Use positive instead of negative self-talk 4. Create a plan of action 5. Use your strengths Instagram - @daily_motivationsorg     Facebook- @daily_motivationsorg Interested in sponsoring this show reach out to us via [e-mail] Speaker: Jordan Peterson  Grab your Ultimate Female Body Fitness Guide Ebook  copy now at an exclusive 50% off discount  https://selar.co/42zb40?currency=USD Kindly Support Us Below to sustain future episodes. Support the Show.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Carl Jung talked about this phenomena described as retrogressive restoration of the persona. And so it's a complicated idea, but basically what it means is that sometimes you take a leap forward and you learn some things, but you can't catalyze a new identity. So you try to go back and hide in your old identity. And that actually doesn't work because, well, things have changed and you've learned something and that isn't who you are anymore. And so it's like you have to cut parts of yourself off in a destructive manner to fit back into the person that you were. Now, what happens here is that Pinocchio escapes from this tyrannical situation and undergoes this descent into chaos, but he tries to go back home.

He tries to go back to what he was, and he can't do that anymore. His father isn't at home anymore. And so when he goes home, he finds that there's no home there. Now, this happens to people sometimes, and it's often a shock to them. So one of the things I've noticed about Peter Pan type, I'm going to speak about men here because I've observed it more in men, is that they'll often stay under the thumb of their father. And you think, well, why would someone do that? Because it means they're subject to the tyrannical judgment of their father. They're always concerned about what their father would think or whether their father approves of them and so forth. And you think, well, that's got to be an unpleasant place to be.

Why would you do that? One of the things that I've suggested to my clients and to other people sometimes is that here's a weird little exercise that you can undertake, a little thought experiment. So you have your parents, and of course your parents have friends who are about their age, and maybe some of them are people you only know peripherally. And I might ask you, well, do you care more about what your parents think than you care about what these peripheral people who know your parents think? And then the answer to that is, well, of course. And then the question that arises out of that is, why? I mean, for someone else, your parents are the peripheral

people and their parents are central. Like, why is it logical that your parents' opinion makes any more difference to you than the opinion of some randomly selected people who are approximately that age why is it the case that you would consider that they would know more than someone else i mean i know they know you better and fair enough but that that's not the point and then another point there is that to the degree that your parents opinion about you matters more than some randomly selected people of approximately the same age, Jung would say, well, you haven't exactly separated out the God image from your parents, and so you're still under that combination. It's like, it's a complicated

thing to talk about, but think about the Harry Potter series. Harry has two sets of parents, right? He's got the Dursley parents, and then he's got these, like, magical parents that sort of float behind. And he should know the difference between them. They shouldn't be one and the same. They're not for him. And it's like, well, you have your parents, and you have nature and culture as parents, and you shouldn't be thinking that your parents are nature and culture as well. They shouldn't have final dominion over you. It means that you're not an individual yet, if that's the case.

Freud said, for example, that no one could be a man unless his father had died. And Jung said, yes, but that death can take place symbolically. Okay, so there's that part of the idea. And then another part of the idea is, one of the times in your life when you actually realize that you're an individual is when you'll go and ask your parents something and you'll realize they actually don't know any more about what you should do than you do. And that sucks. And that's partly why people are often willing to maintain a tyrant-slave relationship with their fathers.

Like, on the one hand, you have to be inferior in a relationship like that. You know, you've always got the judge watching you. But on the other hand, there's always someone who knows what to do. There's always someone standing between you and the unknown that you can go ask, what should I do? Well, at some point, you'll realize that the reason you can't ask that anymore is because they actually don't know any more than you do. Welcome to Daily Motivation, where you get motivated and inspired.

Turns out that the way that we're constructed neurophysiologically is that we don't experience any positive emotion unless we have an aim, and we can see ourselves progressing towards that aim. It isn't precisely attaining the aim that makes us happy. As you all know, if you've ever attained anything, because as soon as you attain it, then the whole little game ends and you have to come up with another game, right? So it's Sisyphus and that's okay. But it does show that the attainment

can't be the thing that drives you because it collapses the game. That's what happens when you graduate from university. It's like, you're king of the mountain for one day, and then you're like surf at Starbucks for the next five years, you know? So what happens is that human beings are weird creatures because we're much more activated by having an aim and moving towards it than we are by attainment. And what that means is you have to have an aim, and that means you have to have an interpretation.

And it also means that the nobler the aim, that's one way of thinking about it, the better your life. And that's a really interesting thing to know because, you know, you've heard ever since you were tiny that you should act like a good person, and you shouldn't lie, for example. And you might think, well, why the hell should I act like a good person, and why not lie? And even a three-year-old can ask that question, because smart kids learn to lie earlier, by the way. And they think, well, why not twist the fabric of reality so that it serves your specific short-term needs. I mean, that's a great

question. Why not do that? Why act morally? If you can get away with something and it brings you closer to something you want, well, why not do it? These are good questions. It's not self-evident. Well, it seems to me tied in with what I just mentioned. It's like you destabilize yourself and things become chaotic. That's not good. And if you don't have a noble aim then you have nothing but but shallow trivial Pleasures and they don't sustain you and that's not good because because life is so difficult so much It's so much suffering. It's so complex. It ends and everyone dies and it's painful It's like without a noble aim, how can

you withstand any of that? You can't. You become desperate. And once you become desperate, things go from bad to worse very rapidly when you become desperate. And so there's the idea of the noble aim. And it's not something, it's something that's necessary. It's the bread that people cannot live without, right? That's not physical bread. It's the noble aim. And what is that? Well, it was encapsulated in part in the story of Marduk. That's, that's, it's to pay attention. It's to speak properly. It's to confront chaos. It's to make a better world. It's something like that. And that's enough of a noble aim so that you can stand up without, you know, cringing at the very thought of your own existence so that you can do something that's worthwhile to justify your wretched position on the planet. So now there's the literary issue is that.

So, look, you take a text, you can interpret it a variety of ways, but that's not right. This is where the postmodernists went wrong, because what you're looking for in a text and in the world, for that matter, is sufficient order and direction. So then we have to think, well, what is sufficient order and direction means? Well, you don't want to suffer so much that your life is unbearable, right? That just seems self-evident. Pain argues for itself. I think of pain as the fundamental reality because no one disputes it. Even if you say that you don't believe in pain, it doesn't help when you're in pain. You still believe in it. You can't pry it up with logic and rationality.

It just stands forth as what the fundament of existence. And that's actually quite useful to know. Say, well, you don't want any more of that than is absolutely necessary. And I think that's self-evident. And then you say, wait a minute, it's more complicated than that. You don't want any more of that that's necessary today, but also not tomorrow and not next week and not next month and not next year. So however you act now, better not compromise how you're going to be in a year, because that would just be counterproductive. That's part of the problem with short-term pleasures, right? It's like act in haste, repent at leisure. Everyone knows exactly what that means. So you have to act in a way that works now and tomorrow and next week and next month and so forth. And so you have to take your future self into account.

You establish a more individual relationship with your parents. It's at that point that you could conceivably start taking care of them instead of the reverse. And that's a time that should come. But you have to let that image of perfection go. And that exposes you. Well, that's what happens here. You know, Pinocchio goes home, and he wants things to be the way they were, and he wants to stay under the careful care of the benevolent father,

but that's no longer possible. He's past that point, and that's why the father has disappeared. And so Geppetto has gone off to look for Pinocchio because he also needs his son, but in any case, the house is abandoned. And so then we see inside the house that everything's covered with cobwebs and everything's gone,

and Pinocchio and the cricket sit on the steps and they're very concerned. First of all, they wonder where he went, so they're actually concerned that he's gone, but they also don't know what to do because there's just no going home. And so, you know, that's also the case that once you hit a certain point in your development, well, it's the same thing we already talked about. The answers that you're looking for are not going to be found in your parents' house. It's as simple as that as that now you could artificially maintain your dependency but you know if you do that for too long things get pretty ugly so you get pretty stale and and you know you're like bread that's been on the shelf for too long

so you're aiming at some handleable amount of time, and you posit a goal in there, and you plot your route, and then that tells you what's up and tells you what's down, because up moves you towards the goal, and down moves you away from the goal, and that sets up your motivational framework, so that you have something worth attaining. You know, that's a really interesting thing to know, too. It's like, why have a goal? Well, it's easy. No goal, no positive emotion. Because you experience positive emotion by noticing that you're moving

towards a goal. And so if you don't have a goal, well, you can't have any positive emotion. So better have a goal. And so you might say, well, what should the goal be? Well, we could start by saying, well, any goal is better than none. And then we might say, well, what should the goal be? Well, we could start by saying, well, any goal is better than none. And then we might say, well, it should be a goal that other people will let you pursue, because otherwise it's going to be kind of difficult. Maybe they'll be even happy to help you pursue it. That would even be better. And maybe it's a goal that would enable you to learn how to pursue other goals.

While you pursue that goal, boy, that would really be good. And so you can see that your goal is parameterized, but that doesn't mean that any old goal works. It means there's some goals that work nicely and some not so nicely. There are playable games and non-playable games. That's a good way of thinking about it. And you want to have a playable game. And there's a lot of them, lawyer, plumber, actor, whatever. They're playable games. And it's not obvious which one's better, but it's certainly obvious which ones are sustainable and which ones are worse. And so there's a set of playable games. And you need to extract from that set of playable games a game that suits you. And that would be partly due to your temperament, you know, because extroverted

people want to play an extroverted game and highly neurotic people want to play a safe game and agreeable people want to play a generous game and disagreeable people want to play a game that's highly competitive so they can win. And, you know, fine. But they're all within the realm of playable games. And that means they're socially acceptable as well. And so that means it isn't just arbitrary. It isn't just relative what you decide to do.

It's heavily parameterized. There's only, there's a set of playable games. And it's large. The set is large. But there are commonalities within it. And that's why there are commonalities. That's why morality has a common basis, fundamentally. And so that's partly what we're trying to investigate.

It's like, what does up mean? What does it mean? Is there such a thing? Now, one thing to remember is that if you don't erect a hierarchical structure with something to aim at, you've got no positive motivation. Because you experience positive motivation in relationship to a goal, not from attaining the goal. That's satisfaction.

Besides, it's fleeting. You know perfectly well, you graduate from university, poof, next day you have a problem. Which is, what do you do next? And that's a tough problem. It's not like you've solved your problems by winning that game. You just introduced the problem of having to introduce another game. So it's unreliable as a source of positive emotion.

But what's reliable is you set a goal and you try to attain it. And then that gives your life, that literally provides your life with meaning. That's what meaning is. Now, it's more than that, but that's what it is. And so then you might ask yourself, well, what's a really good goal? Well, that's what we're trying to figure out. What's a really good goal? So anyways, you've got this little frame.

You're somewhere, and it's not good enough, and you're going somewhere else that's going to be better. And what better depends upon is the state of these underlying biological systems, and then more complexly, as those biological systems get integrated into a personality and into the social world, then the frame and the goal is going to be dependent on that more complex hierarchical organization. So you're not in here because you're hungry. You're in here because if you get a degree, maybe you don't ever have to be hungry. So the hunger is properly incorporated into your...

You don't want to be cold. You don't want to freeze to death in the winter. You don't want to be cold. You don't want to freeze to death in the winter You don't want to be on the street, you know, so your higher-order goals are long-term socially negotiated solutions to the problems that are Implicit in your being that that might be one way of thinking about it. So So and the micro elements of this so you could say I'm hungry, that's a physiological state and a conception. I have a vision of how I'm going to solve that, but then, and that's an abstraction. But what you do to transform point A into point B is not an abstraction.

You act. You know, so if you're hungry, you actually move your body, say, down from the second floor into the kitchen, and you arrange things so that there's transformations in the world. And that's a good way of thinking about the relationship between the mind and the body. Your hypothetical solution to your problem, that's the mind. But the manner in which you incarnate that solution, that's no longer abstract. So, you know, people are always trying to solve the mind-body problem that's as far as I can tell that's how you solve

it is you have abstractions but they're not abstractions that are representations of the world they're abstractions that are representations of action patterns and the way those are implemented in the world is that you act them and so it's strange because you've got this weird level of control you know i can move my arm and i seem to be able to do that voluntarily but i really have no idea how i'm doing it like i don't have conscious access exactly to the musculature except technically and i certainly have no idea what i'm doing chemically to make those muscles muscles transform but my my so my abstractions ground out in this movement and I can observe the movement and and and moda and modify it but

I have no conscious access whatsoever to the micro processes that are making that possible I have no idea why that is probably because I'm not smart enough That would be my guess right is your you're only going to evolution is only going to allow your mind to control Those elements of your being that you're smart enough to control and so you don't get voluntary control over your heartbeat for example, because you just forget and then You'd be wandering around and then you'd forget to beat your heart and bang you'd be dead. So you don't get to do that so All right, so wandering around and then you'd forget to beat your heart and bang you'd be dead so you don't get to do that so All right, so All these different I classified these again is self propagation and self maintenance

Motivations and so if you're too hot while you want to go somewhere cooler And if you're too cool you want to go somewhere hotter and same if you're thirsty and hungry and for self propagation while you get lonesome and maybe you know you're thirsty and hungry and for self-propagation while you get lonesome and maybe, you know, you have some sexual desire and each of those different systems competes for access to this central frame. And that's something like the contents of your consciousness at any given time. So up pops a desire, but it's the wrong way of thinking about it because the desire sounds like something that's pushing you forward but the desire is goal framework emotion perception action pattern

all at the same time it's a little personality or it's a little story actually when you describe the operation of one of these things that's when you're telling a story so i was somewhere i needed something i went and got it it's boring little, but that's the basic unit of a story Right because I don't care to hear what you're doing unless you had a reason for doing it I just say what's the point of the story and the point of the story is the point it's directional, right? It says I went from here to there. That's the the point here's how i did it that's the point and you're interested in that because maybe you want to know how to do it too and you won't have to struggle through it like i did you could just listen and so we're always throwing these little

units of information back and forth to each other and for good reason i i want to know what your point is because better i learn it from you than make all the mistakes that you had to make when you were learning it. There's Jiminy Cricket at the opening of the Pinocchio movie. Pointing to a star, which is roughly the nativity star for all intents and purposes. And it's a symbolic indicator of something diamond-like and pure, right? Glimmering in the darkness that's transcendent and above the horizon upon which to fix your eyes. And so that's...

And the thing is, you need that technically. And the reason you need that is because we know enough about psychology now to know that almost all of the positive emotion that you're going to experience in your life, and positive emotion is analgesic, by the way, right? It actually quells pain, so it's not just positive. It also gets rid of negative, which is a big plus. Almost all the positive emotion that you're going to feel, you're going to feel in relationship to a goal,

because you feel positive emotion as you approach a goal. And so if you want to feel positive emotion, then you need a goal. And then you might think, well, if you want to maximize that positive emotion, which is enthusiasm and also what pulls you out into the world, as well as feeling good, then you need the best possible goal. Well, because that's going to engage the largest segments of your being. Like if your goal is too narrow, then a bunch of you isn't going to be on board for it, you know? If the goal is well-developed and multifaceted, then all of you can partake in that. Even your negative elements, even your anger and

your fear can get on board with that, let's say. So you need a goal, man, that's worthy. You've got to think you good. You need a goal that justifies the tragedy and malevolence of life. That seems to be the bottom line. Now, maybe you think, well, there's no goal that can do that. It's like, well, there are still better and worse goals. And I'm not convinced that there are no goals that can do that. I think that's an open question. You'd never know that until you pursued the proper goal long enough

to find out who you would be as a consequence of pursuing it. That's also your destiny or your existential voyage, right? It's also not something that anyone else can do for you. Someone can say, get your act together for Christ's sake and get at it. That'll make the world unfold best for you. get your act together for Christ's sake and get it, get, get at it. That's, that'll make the world unfold best for you, but there's no way you can know that without doing it. Stay with us. We'll be right back. Hey there, fellow listeners. If you're passionate about fitness and wellness, then you're in for a treat with our latest ebook, The Ultimate Female Body Fitness Guide. Click the link in the episode

description to grab your copy now at an exclusive 50% off discount. This comprehensive resource is designed specifically for women aiming to conquer their fitness goals. From strength training to cardio, flexibility, nutrition, and mindset, we've got you covered. Inside, you'll find expertly crafted workout routines, personalized meal plans, motivation tips, and strategies tailored to help you reach your fitness dreams. We also tackle common challenges women encounter on their fitness journeys, offering advice on balancing exercise with life's demands and breaking free from societal norms. Don't miss out on this incredible deal of 50% off. Get your e-book now before it's too late. The sense of meaning, the sense of engagement that characterizes life when life is progressing in the manner that you would like it to progress is actually an instinct.

It's not a cognitive phenomenon. It's not a second-order consequence of thought. It's way deeper than that. It's an extraordinarily profound instinct. And so that's really worth thinking about, assuming, you know, as you might, that we're adapted creatures and that our instincts guide us in the world so that we can survive and so that we can reproduce and so that we can exist over long periods of time. The fact that an instinct of that depth exists

and that it's associated with the sense of vital engagement in being, let's say, is a good indication, as good an indication as there is, that there's something truly real about it. And I would say that might even be more important than the knowledge of the role that the serotonin system plays in adjudicating hierarchical position. Because, you know, we tend to think of meaning as something that people create as a secondary consequence through thinking or through philosophy or something like that. And when we think that, it's easy to criticize it. It's easy to become cynical about it. It's easy to lose faith in it. But when you understand that it actually is a much deeper phenomenon than that, and that the cognitive elements, the philosophical elements,

are sort of like, well, they're like the fronds on the top of the pond on a plant system that has unbelievably deep roots that go way down into the water. It's much, it's much, there's something about that that's much firmer and more solid. And I think that, I think the evidence that meaning is an instinct, a deep, deep instinct, is overwhelming. Do what is meaningful, not what is expedient, because meaning is an instinct. And meaning is the instinct that guides you in life,

across the totality of life, right? What's expedient, that's what you might want to do right now in an impulsive sense, right? Because you're driven forward by, oh, anger or anxiety or frustration or disappointment or despair, some sort of one-eyed motivational monster that's got you in its grip that really isn't considering everything at once, right? Like considering your life tomorrow or your life next week or your family's life or maybe even your well-being half an hour from now, you know, because you lash out in anger. And it's, you know, people do that. It's understandable. Sometimes it's even necessary, but it's not wise generally. And the instinct for meaning seems to be a consequence of the integration of all of those underlying

motivations and emotions with social being and then the manifestation of something like the proper pathway forward. And so, and you need that because you need to know how to move forward in life because you need to move forward in life. You need to act in life. And the other thing that's, I suppose, part and parcel of, let's say, 12 rules for life is the insistence upon action as of primary import We're not fundamentally creatures who passion Passively perceive the objective world that that's not the goal of our perceptual systems It's not the goal of our memory there the reason that you have memories isn't to remember the past

The reason you have memories is so that if something bad happened to you in the past, you can figure out what it was that was bad, and you can figure out why it happened, and then you cannot do it again in the future, right? It's very practical, and it's the same on the positive end of the spectrum. If good things happened to you in the past, then conceivably duplicating whatever you did to get those good things to happen could have them happen again in the future. So it's practical memory, and it's oriented towards action, and it's oriented towards like the quality of your life. You've seen bullseyes, classical archery bullseyes.

I think they're red in the middle usually, right? And then there's a variety of coloured circles around them. Maybe the whole bullseye is this big. And you're supposed to hit the bullseye, but the closer you get to the centre, the better. But at least you could hit part of it. That would be good. And you're supposed to stand back and pull your arrow back and aim. And so, and that's an acting out of something. It's an acting out of the necessity of having an aim and taking your best shot, right?

That's what makes it a sport. Now, and if you think about that, most of our sports are like that, right? Soccer's like that. Rugby's like that. Basketball's like right? Soccer's like that. Rugby's like that. Basketball's like that. Hockey's like that. Almost all team sports involve some sort of projectile going to some sort of target.

And usually people organize themselves into hierarchies, two of them, because there's two teams. And then they compete and cooperate to get the projectile in the target. And for some reason, we think that's really cool. right? Well, look, it's worth thinking through deeply. It's like you'll spend a lot of money on that opportunity. People will spend a fortune to go sit in an arena like a long way away from the action. And there's these guys out there out there and they're tough and they're fast and they're fighting with this little black frozen disc and they're trying to get it in a net while someone is trying to stop. It's completely bloody absurd. And yet people are thrilled about it. They're thrilled and they'll pay for it, right? They don't have to be dragged there kicking and

screaming. Like they line up. It's, oh God, a god a hockey game thank god and they'll wear the jerseys it's like and then you know some some character who's put in his 10 000 hours does his beautiful move and puts in a goal in some manner that's like technically impossible and everybody leaps to their feet and they just have a fit of joy and you think what in the world is going on with that it's like you're happier when that happens than you were when you got married. It's like you don't see, well, you don't see people doing that when they're, and then it's not everybody, when you get married and everybody stands up and has a little like, like a 10-minute fit and hugs strangers

and then goes out and drinks a dozen beer and has a riot and tears down stores. It's like, no, no, but a good goal, that'll do it. I think Guatemala and Ecuador went to war over a soccer game, literally. So, and let's not assume we're so stupid, you know, even though we are. Let's not assume it. There's something behind this. It's like, we really like to see people take careful aim and hit the target. And we really like to see them cooperate and compete in an expert manner to do that. And we really like to see them do that in a way that stretches their ability beyond what we would normally be able to see, right? Because it's nice to go to a competent display of athletics.

But now and then you go, you see these like soccer goals on YouTube where these crazy characters, you know, they flip around in the air and they're like eight feet off the ground, completely backwards, and they kick the ball four feet to the side of the goalie. It's just, it's just impossible. Like they're a hundred yards away and it's perfect. And you think, right on. That's what a human being is like. And you're not really like that because you couldn't do it. But you are human and conceivably you could do something like that. And so it's a nice display of that potential for us to hit the damn target.

Right? So then the question is, well, what's the target? And that's the question. Because that's the same question as, what's the meaning? And so, okay. So here's my target, let's say. Do a personal unpacking of my value system, at least in part. So, I'm a writer, and a researcher, and a clinician, and a professor. So, those things, maybe roughly in that order.

And so, that's my claim to my position in the social hierarchy. And, you know, the claim is something like, I'm competent at that, it's worthwhile, therefore I'm reasonably entitled by the rules of the game to the privileges and statuses that are associated with that position, right? As long as I'm competent. So there's a match between social demand and my ability, and as long as I'm playing the game properly, then I'm safe. That's what's keeping my emotions regulated. It's not my internal regulation. It's the fact that I can do what I say I can do. So I want there to be an isomorphism between my internal hierarchy of perceptual value

and the social structure itself. You know, and so this is also partly why radical claims of multiculturalism are wrong. Because at the base of things, we need to be playing a unified game so that everybody knows what everybody else is up to. Doesn't mean that diversity of opinion isn't useful, because now and then the collective claim is going to be wrong and need to be updated. And so you need some strange people around, creative people, generally speaking, who will, you know, take things in a direction that's novel to update.

But roughly speaking, we want everybody nested in the same game and then maybe above that playing some different games. And we need that because it's the only way we can orient ourselves in the world. It's the only way we can keep a match between our expectations and our skills and our desires and what's actually expected of us in the world. There's nothing that's more harmful than for you to play the game straight, right? To do what you're supposed to do, to be a good person, and then to be punished for it instead of rewarded. Very disheartening. You want what you think to be good and right

to also be rewarded by the world in that manner. And that means the structures have to be, the social structure and the psychological structure have to match. And part of the reason that we protect our cultures is so that we can protect the match between our psychological structures and our social structures. And keep ourselves oriented, moving forward in the world with some positive emotion and not terrified out of our skulls. It's crucially important. It's why we'll fight to protect what we've built. It's the game we understand. And it's not something that can just be arbitrarily

shifted or changed. And that's partly because the aim isn't arbitrary. The aim isn't arbitrary. And he basically said, most people have problems in living. They don't have psychological problems. And so I've experienced, despite my love for the psychoanalysts, very frequently what I'm doing as a therapist is helping people have a life that would work. You know, and you can parameterize that. It's like, what do you need? How about some friends? That would work. You know, and you can parameterize that. It's like, what do you need?

How about some friends? People kind of like that. How about an intimate relationship with someone that you can trust that maybe has a future? That'd be good. How about a career that puts you in a dominance hierarchy somewhere? So at least you've got some possibility of rising, some possibility of stabilizing yourself and a schedule and a routine. Because no one can live without a routine. You just forget that.

If you guys don't have a routine, I would recommend, like, you get one going. Because you cannot be mentally healthy without a routine. You need to pick a time to get up. Whatever time you want. But pick one and stick to it. Because otherwise you dysregulate your circadian rhythms and they regulate your mood. And eat something in the morning. I had lots of clients who've had anxiety disorders. I had one client who was literally

starving. Very smart girl. There's very little that she liked. She kind of tried to subsist on like half a cup of rice a day. She came to me and said, I have no energy. I come home, all I want to do is watch the same movie over and over. What, like, is that weird? And I thought, well, it depends on how hard you work. You know, it's a little weird, but whatever. It's familiar.

You're looking for comfort. So I did an analysis of her diet. It's like three quarters of a cup of rice. It's like, you're starving. Eat something. You know, you'll feel better. So she modified her diet, and all her anxiety went away, and she had some energy. It's like, yeah, you got to eat. So a schedule. That's a good thing, man. Your brain will thank you for it. It will stabilize your nervous system with a bit of a plan.

That's a good thing. You need a career. You need something productive to do with your time. You need to regulate your use of drugs and alcohol. Most particularly alcohol, because that does in a lot of people. You need a family, like the family you have, your parents and all that. It'd be nice if you all got along. You could work on that. That's a good thing to work on. And then, you know, you probably need children at some point. That's life. That's what life is. And if you're missing, you know, you may have a good reason to not be operating on one of those dimensions.

It's not mandatory. But I can tell you that if you're not operating reasonably well on four, I think I mentioned six, if you're not operating reasonably well on at least three of them, there's no way you're going to be psychologically thriving. And that's more pragmatic in some sense than psychological, right? Human beings have a nature. There's things we need. And if we have them, well, that's good.

And if we don't have them, well, then we feel the lack. And so behaviorists, behavioral psychologists concentrate a lot more on that sort of thing. You know, it's practical. It's like strategizing. Make a career plan. Figure out how to negotiate, because that's bloody important. Figure out how to say what you need. Figure out how to tell the truth to people.

Figure out how to listen to your partner in particular, because if you listen to them, they will actually tell you what they want. And sometimes you can give it to them, and maybe they'll return the favor. And if you practice that for like 15 years, well, then maybe you're constantly giving each other what you want. Well, hooray.

That would be good. And then there's two of you under both circumstances. And it's better to have two brains than one because people think differently because of their temperament mostly and so the negotiation is where the wisdom arises and it's part of the transformation the psychological transformation that's attendant on an intimate relationship and one of the fundamental purposes of a long-term intimate relationship and one of the fundamental purposes of a long-term intimate relationship. You're in a class that's near the beginning of the semester, you write an exam or you hand in an essay and you don't get the mark that you desired.

Okay, so what are your options? Well, one option would be, so you've hit an anomaly, things didn't happen the way you wanted them to happen, and so maybe you say, geez geez that was a boring and stupid class Anyways, this gives me an excuse to get out and so that's not such a negative thing or you think oh well I really better buckle down and study and you decide to stay in the class So basically what you've done is maintained your framework. I'm going to work through this class But you're you're you've decided to modify some of the subroutines that make up that frame.

You say, well, I should study more next time, or I have to prioritize this class compared to other classes. So it's a micro-alteration within the overarching framework. But another thing you can do is say, to hell with the class, I'll just drop it. And so the advantage to that is problem gone. The disadvantage is, well, now you have a different problem, which is, okay, fine, you drop the class. Do you have another class that you can replace it with? Is that a good way of dealing with a micro failure, you know, to move up a level of analysis and throw out the whole frame? Because you could also say, well, maybe I should just drop out of university, and maybe I should go hang myself, you know. That's, well, it's the

same line of logic. It's just taken up to a higher degree of abstraction, and so generally speaking, you don't want to solve a problem by moving up a level and wiping out the frame within which the problem was experienced. You want to do that carefully, because in principle, the frame that you were working within had already, you'd already assigned value to it and worked at it. You've already invested in it. It's a big sacrifice to blow out the whole frame. Now, sometimes you can do it. So, anyways, what happens is, well,

you get the bad grade, and you're upset about it, and so you've been plunged from your happy, satiated state, let's say, into a state of relative chaos. And the chaos is, oh, I hit an obstacle, I didn't expect it, and now I don't know what to do. And so what does it mean to not know what to do? Well, it can mean I need to study harder. It can mean I should drop this course. It can mean I should major in a different subject

It could mean maybe I shouldn't be in university It could mean maybe my future plans have been formulated badly It can mean My future plans have been formulated badly because I don't understand myself very well And i've been telling lies about my past right the thing can really Expand on you. And that's what the chaotic domain is. That's the re manifestation of those things that you had considered irrelevant.

Right. Because when you go to pick up the exam, you've got your identity as a competent student intact. You're not questioning whether you should be in the course or whether you should be in that major or whether you should be in university. None that that's all in the implicitly accepted category and as soon as the anomalous event emerges all of those things that you had rendered axiomatic start to become questionable and that's like the shark coming up out coming up from the depths to pull you down and that's the classic way of of representing that and of symbolizing it that's Jonah and the whale for example So it's something is manifest itself from the deep unknown and pulls you under like an alligator at a waterhole

Which is I'm sure one of the sources from which we derived that particular kind of mythological representation Because you could imagine that when we were on the veldt after living on trees, we had to go down to the damn water holes, and you've watched enough nature programs to know what a Nile crocodile can do to a water buffalo. It's not pretty, and so to go down to the water, the chaotic water, and the source of all life as well, right, is to risk an encounter with the terrible thing that lurks in the depths. And so we use that as a central metaphor for mapping the sorts of things that happen to us in a much more abstract space. And you know that, because one of the things you're going to do, let's say that the professor, there's a professor, obviously, who gave you the bad grade. Okay, so one logical presupposition

is that you're in some sense insufficient in relationship to the course. But another logical and instantaneous categorization is to throw that person into the category of malevolent predator. And you'll do that by becoming upset and cursing the person in your imagination. I've told people to learn to use a schedule. And people often hate schedules because they act as their own tyrants, right?

They say, well, you have to do this unpleasant thing, and then here's another unpleasant thing you have to do, and then you have to do this unpleasant thing. And you do that for about three days, and you think, to hell with this, I'm not doing that, you know, and you fall off the wagon. That isn't what you're supposed to do with a schedule, you're supposed to use it to design the days that you would like to have if you were taking care of yourself. And so some of that is, you know, you wake up in the morning and you think, here's five things I have to do that if I don't do, my life will be worse. It's like paying bills, for example, or taking out the garbage.

It's like you have to do those because otherwise things degenerate. So you've got to put some of those in the schedule because otherwise tomorrow is worse than today, and that's a bad trajectory. But you also want to build in things. You know, you've got to act in some sense like you're dealing with a relatively recalcitrant nine-year-old. It's like, so, well, here's some things you have to do, but here's some things that if you do, you could reward yourself with. And if you get the balance there between obligation and reward right, then you'll find that you're motivated to do the things. And that's what you

want to do. You want to do that so it's sustainable across days and weeks and months. Thanks for listening. Kindly support the movement of this podcast by supporting us or subscribing to our premium content for more exclusive stuff. When you do so, you also get a shout out in our next episode. Thank you.