Daily Motivations - SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP

Episode Date: September 5, 2021

                                                SIGNS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP Lack of support Your time together has stopped being positive or supportive of your goals.“Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Caraballo says. But when things turn toxic, every achievement becomes a competition.In other words, you don’t feel like they have your back. Toxic communication Instead of treating each other with kindness, most of your conversations are filled with sarcasm, criticism, or overt hostility. You may even start avoiding talking to each other. Jealousy While it’s normal to experience jealousy from time to time, Caraballo explains it can become an issue if you can’t get yourself to think or feel positively about their success. How can we move forward? Don’t dwell on the past Sure, part of repairing the relationship will likely involve addressing past events. But this shouldn’t be the sole focus of your relationship moving forward. Resist the temptation to constantly refer back to negative scenarios. Start therapy An openness to therapy can be a good sign that things are mendable. Actually following through on this can be key to helping the relationship move forward. While couples counseling is a good starting point, individual therapy can be a helpful addition, Manly says. View your partner with compassion When you find yourself wanting to blame your partner for all the problems in the relationship, try taking a step back and looking at the potential motivators behind their behavior, Caraballo says. Have they been going through a hard time at work? Was there some family drama weighing heavily on their mind? These aren’t excuses for bad behavior, but they can help you come to a better understanding of where your partner’s coming from. Social Links Instagram - @daily_motivationsorg        Facebook- @daily_motivationsorg Interested in sponsoring this show reach out to us via [e-mail] Kindly Support Us Below to sustain future episodes. Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched! Start for FREE Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the Show.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome, this is Daily Motivations by Tolu Dave, where you get inspired and motivated. I mean, I guess everyone goes through being in a toxic relationship at some point in their life. Whether it is like an intimate relationship, whether it is a friendship, or whether it's a family member. I think we all have experiences with very toxic people in our life. What is a toxic relationship? A toxic relationship can be really anything that makes you feel worthless. I mean the obvious ones are emotional and physical abuse

but maybe someone who constantly makes you promises and never ever follows through on them. Maybe someone who is constantly drinking and abusing alcohol around you. That is a toxic relationship. Maybe you're dating a narcissist who makes you feel like you are only worthy because you are with that person. If you are in a relationship, again, any type of relationship where what I said just now resonated with you, I would say get out as fast as you can. So the first thing towards leaving

an emotionally abusive relationship, and this is probably the hardest thing that you have to do, is you have to decide to leave. So in this step, deciding to leave is more than you worrying about all of the things that could possibly happen in the future. You know, what is this going to look like for the kids? What's going to happen to me? I need to get a job. I was financially dependent on my husband or my wife or my spouse. Maybe this person can change. Maybe

they're not that bad. Look, they're being nice. And you know, I know that this is a cycle, but maybe this time it'll actually stick. All of that goes away. And you stop focusing on the other person and you start looking at yourself. You have to stop putting so much fear into the future and start reflecting on your past. And when you reflect on your past, you have to see who is this person that I'm in a relationship with. And you have to be able to take a hard, hard look at yourself.

You have to take a hard look at where are your wounds that are causing you to stay entangled in this abusive cycle. You have to take a hard look at, okay, what's important to me in a partner? What are my values? And am I honestly getting that from this person? And that's where people really can get tripped up sometimes is because they're projecting what they want onto this person when this person is not that person. And a lot of the times they're not ever even going to be capable of being that person.

You're having a hard time walking away. Moving on from a broken relationship is really difficult no matter what the circumstances. I mean, you could even, it could have been an amicable split. You guys can still be good friends. And even that makes it tough to move on from the relationship

But I feel like when someone's trying to move on from a toxic relationship there is a sense of Manipulation there from the other side that makes it feel like it is impossible to move on But you want to know the good news you are not alone. There are hundreds of thousands if not millions of people who stick with people who treat them badly. That doesn't make you dumb. It doesn't make you fucked up in the head. You know it is kind of human nature. When someone you love really deeply mistreats you, it's kind of this thing of like you're grabbing on to jello.

If someone is doing a behavior that really bothers you, instead of not speaking about it, speak up. And you can say something simple like, hey, when you do this, I feel this way. Or when you do this, it doesn't work for me me and I'd like this behavior to change it could be something simple like brushing your teeth it could be something simple like you know when you say you're gonna you know do something to keep that commitment it doesn't really matter what it is if there's a non-negotiable for you in the relationship then what you want to do is speak up I can't tell you how much relationship drama and unnecessary tension between two people

who love each other is created simply because people don't speak up. So the first thing you want to do, step one, is to speak up and say, hey when you do this it really bothers me. Can we change it? Now if someone takes that advice and then changes, awesome. However if they don't change, we gotta go to phase two. Phase two is this, very simply put, you have a second conversation and you escalate the level of tone and seriousness in this conversation. So it looks something like this.

So hey, a couple weeks ago, I mentioned to you that you're doing this thing, that it's important for me that we change it, that you show up on time when you schedule something with me, or that you really keep this level of hygiene or whatever the specific standard is doesn't really matter if it's a non-negotiable for you and when I told you that it was really important that we did it so I'm letting you know again that this needs to change but here's the

thing this means so much to me that if this doesn't change, the next time it happens, I have to exit the relationship. Okay, so let's go through how to get over a toxic relationship. Step one is the hardest thing to do, again, whether you're in a toxic relationship or not, and it is to not contact them. I know, I know it's probably the hardest thing to do. But the moment you leave You need to cut off all Communication block their number delete their Instagram delete all their social medias ignore their emails they might try and manipulate you to come back to them by making you feel like they've changed or by telling you that they're sorry and they love you and to come back

and things are going to be different but let me tell you from first-time experience they're not going to change overnight you're gonna cry every day and you're gonna be so tempted to contact them but one don't if you have a really good supportive friend who has your back no matter what contact them instead say whatever you are going to say to your ex to your friend get it off your chest no need to be embarrassed by what you're gonna say just get it off let it be and just know at least you're not saying that to your ex and opening that line of communication.

But also too, you may cry every day. You may cry twice a day. But one day you won't cry. Those thoughts are going to come back. You're not going to know what to do when you see a photo or scroll on Instagram and you see this person. The reason why is because you didn't grieve over it. You didn't let it go. You didn't let it free of your spirit.

Crying is so freeing. Just cry and grieve. Take two to three days. No more than that. Unless this is like a serious relationship. Like if you've been with this person for like 14 years and since take a week but don't take too long you know your situation and you will know when it's too long trust me you'll know and it's an important step because you don't want to skip how you feel you

don't want to skip past that hurt you don't want to push it down because it's only gonna come up in a different type of way. But one day you won't cry. And one day you won't think about them. And one day it'll all hurt a little less. And the only way to make that process go a little bit faster is by not contacting them at all. And I know that is something that's probably difficult if you have a kid or maybe you have pets that you're sharing. Just remember this person was not good for you, did not treat you well while they were in your life, and now that they are no longer in your life they don't deserve to be in your life. That being said, you have to leave the past in the past, but also you need to reflect on your past relationship. So I still don't want you to contact that person if you have

the ability to not do that. But I do want you to reflect on that past relationship and what it is that maybe attracted you to that person, what it is that made you stay with that person for so long. In order for you to find your perfect match and your perfect relationship, you do need to reflect on some of the things that you brought into the relationship, both good and bad. Maybe make a list of the qualities of that person that you loved and the qualities of that person that made you feel so, so, so low. And really take a look at that list. Figure out if you reflect on your past relationships, if there's some kind of pattern to what draws you to these people that don't work out. Because chances are there are going to be, there is going to be a pattern and once you

identify that you will be able to kind of see those red flags more quickly and hopefully avoid more toxic relationships in the future. Because when you decide to leave you have accepted that this person is not going to change, this situation is not going to change. This situation is not going to change. And the only person or thing that really has to change is me. I'll tell you, this step is definitely not easy by any means. And this is where learning how to love yourself, learning how to parent yourself, learning how to self-soothe through this transition that you're about to go into is really crucial towards you maintaining your sanity,

towards you gaining the strength and the confidence and the self-worth and the self-respect that you're going to need to stick this through and say there's no going back after this. And you already have it in you. We all have it in us. It's just a matter of tapping into it. You know, it takes power to leave an abusive relationship. It takes strength. It takes confidence. It takes not having a fear, you know, letting that fear of the unknown completely go. And you deserve better than you're already getting. And you have the ability to change your situation. It doesn't matter what life situation you have. It could be the worst situation. You could be completely financially dependent on someone.

You know, you could have been with someone for 40 years and now, you know, you're in your sixties or seventies and you're like, well, this is just the end of my life and I have to ride it out. That is absolute nonsense, absolute nonsense, because you are not helpless in this situation. And this is about you. This is about your life. This is about your happiness. If you're a podcast junkie like I am, you've probably thought about starting your own. Well, I can tell you firsthand that starting a podcast is one of the best decisions I have ever made, but it can feel overwhelming if you don't know how to get started. Well, I can tell you firsthand that starting a podcast is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

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