Daily Motivations - TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS AND HOW TO AVOID IT- Motivational speech

Episode Date: September 25, 2021

                        4 Ways To Avoid Toxic Relationships 1. Know Your Personal Values One of the most toxic yet teaching relationships I've had, lasted 8 years. We got together young. As we grew older, we grew apart. This showed me how important self-discovery is in a relationship. When we know who we are, we can better identify what we value. 2. Date People Who Share Similar Goals Being misunderstood in a relationship makes you feel alone. Dating people who are overly criticizing or put you down is unhealthy. A lover should inspire you to reach new heights, and help fulfill your happiness. 3. Give It Time Time isn't working against you when finding a life partner. You want someone who will be there for the long haul, through thick and thin. Many relationships we have in life are only seasonal and for a reason. Each experience we have with another is meant to teach us. 4. Set Healthy Boundaries Dating causes nerves and anxieties to rise. I've been calling them butterflies. We keep some personal power when we hold tight to a set of non-negotiables. It reminds us of our worth and our partner what lines we don't want to be crossed. Social Links Instagram - @daily_motivationsorg        Facebook- @daily_motivationsorg Interested in sponsoring this show reach out to us via [e-mail] Kindly Support Us Below to sustain future episodes. sponsored by Impression Derma Support this podcast by checking out the sponsor for this episode visit impressionderma.com, Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you. Support the Show.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome to Daily Motivation, where you get inspired and motivated. There's a large body of literature on romantic relationships that's identified the features of healthy relationships, and the list I just provided contains many of them. Researchers also agree on what makes for unhealthy relationships. Things like fighting so much that you just can't work things out, not being able to go to your partner for support when you need it, contempt, criticism, hostility, violence. When these problems happen in relationships, they

can cause significant unhappiness. They can lead to the end of relationships and divorce, and they can literally make people physically and emotionally sick. This is why it's so critical that people have healthy relationships. But there's a problem. How many people know, I mean really know what to do on a day-to-day basis to create healthy relationships? But many people come to couples therapy with so many ingrained problems and patterns that they just can't change. It's too late. You know when else we try to teach people how to have healthy relationships? Right before they get married. It's too late. You know when else we try to teach people how to have healthy relationships?

Right before they get married. It's called pre-marital education. And this is a good idea. Teach people how to have a good relationship while they're still happy, presumably. And it can work. But in my opinion, it's still too late. Why? Because people have already selected the person they want to commit their life to. What if they've selected poorly?

No amount of premarital education can make up for a bad partner choice. So the ways that we've tried to teach people how to have healthy relationships have been limited because they fail to address three important things. Genuinely knowing what you want and need in a partner in a relationship. Selecting the right person. And developing and using skills right from the beginning. And I don't mean the beginning of any particular relationship. I mean the beginning beginning, like as soon as possible. We need to teach people, especially young people, how to have

healthy relationships. Now, towards this end, my colleagues and I have developed a skills-based model of relationship functioning that we believe can help people create the things that lead to healthy relationships and reduce the behaviors that lead to unhealthy ones. We've identified three skills, insight, mutuality, and emotion regulation that form the basis for what we call romantic competence. Romantic competence is the ability to function adaptively across all areas or all aspects of the relationship process. From figuring out what you need, to finding the right person, to building a healthy relationship, and to getting out of relationships that are unhealthy. Statistically speaking in the Western world, there is a two-third probability that you'll

end up in divorce in your lifetime. And how many more are quietly unhappy or even lonely in their marriages? Now why is that? Let me ask you a question. Would you jump out of a third-floor window onto a concrete floor? Probably not. Why not? Because you studied the laws of physics.

But how many of you have studied in school the laws of emotion that explain to you your own inner world and the world of interpersonal dynamics that are so complicated. You see, how can we expect children to grow up and get along on an ever more crowded planet if we don't prepare them for that? How many of you in the audience thought earlier, I knew it was my wife's fault. To those of you who may have had that thought, what if you tried this method instead? Because it works much better.

Now, the reason it's not so easy to do that is because for most of us, when someone is angry at us and criticizes us and maybe even yells at us, it doesn't exactly trigger feelings of love and compassion, does it? But, and this is what I have to learn myself, with a lot of awareness and even more practice, you too can learn not to react back out of a triggered state but instead remain centered and respond in kindness and it will give you much better results over time most of us have experienced that wild and out of control feeling at the beginning of a new relationship you know what it's like where you can't eat, you can't sleep, you

can't get anything done because you're constantly thinking about this person. Your heart's racing, you feel that adrenaline rush when you see the other person, and basically you just want to be with that person. It's almost like an obsession. I bet if I asked you to close your eyes, you could definitely think back and remember that powerful and amazing feeling that affects us physiologically. I know I can, and I've been married for 22 years. But when we're in that heightened arousal state at the beginning of a new romance, many of us step back and ask the question, what am I feeling?

Am I in lust or am I in love? Is it lust or is it love? This episode is sponsored by Impression Derma. Impression Derma protects your skin, prevents digital aging. We all spend a lot of time in front of our laptops and our energy-visible lights, AGV lights. It's emitted from all electronic like phones, tablets, and computers. AGV can penetrate deep into the layers of your skin, which leads to premature aging and loss of elasticity. This product is designed to reverse and protect the skin against AGV damage,

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start with lust. When you're drawn to someone based solely on physical and sexual arousal or attraction, that's lust. You're filled with sexual desire that doesn't stop. and all of those sex hormones are being produced in your body at an alarming rate. You have sex on the brain. Also when we're in that heightened state of arousal at a new relationship or in a new relationship we glorify or idealize our partner. We don't see them for who they really are, and in fact, we see them for who we want them to be or need them to be. You've heard the phrase, love is blind? Well, at the beginning of a new romance, lust makes you blind. When we're in love, we produce the hormone oxytocin which triggers relaxation and promotes emotional bonding and closeness but that's actually the opposite to those wild sex

hormones that ignited all that lust in our body besides the hormonal differences between lust and love there are also four cues that you can use to distinguish lust from love. The first sign is what I call connection. That reason alone will solve all of our problems. In this view, ignoring emotions somehow makes you more rational. In my experience, if you are unaware of the emotional processes that happen to you and to everyone around you, you're usually just less prepared to deal with what I call the human factor. Now, you have an emotional brain, and it can and will override your rational brain, whether you are aware of this or not.

You see, the brain doesn't care. It's not good or bad. It's just how the brain works. So what does this mean very specifically for you? Very concretely, what can I do with this? Okay, next time you get triggered, try doing what the green monster does. Okay, ask yourself the following four questions. First, what's getting triggered in me second

what am I afraid of third what's underneath of that and fourth what do I need to heal in me to not respond like this again in the future. Through this line of self-inquiry, you will find your own emotional receptor fields, which we all have. And here's the good news. You can heal your receptor fields. And when you do, you won't get triggered that easily with much less of an effort.

You see, most people are not aware that underneath their triggers and automatic reactions are unconscious emotions of pain, fear and shame. The baggage we didn't even know was here. Now imagine, every child would grow up learning about emotional loss in school. Imagine every child would master how to create harmonious relationships. Just think of the impact this would have on families, businesses, countries and world affairs. So, back to my own personal journey. When I started to work one-on-one with people, I realized that some people had underneath their angry outbursts, feelings of fear. And underneath, their allures of greatness were feelings of shame. You can follow us on our social media platform on Instagram and Facebook. The link is on the show notes at daily underscore motivation org. Subscription is free.

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