Daisie Dates - EP12 I think I wanna marry you!

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

In this episode from Season 2, we talk about speed dating, how to love someone and receive love the way you want it and the journey to telling your love story on your wedding day. Kathryn Wilson of Love Celebrants joins me in this episode. She is a Humanist Wedding Celebrant, so she marries couples that want to tell their story THEIR WAY. We talk about love languages, vow renewals, divorce ceremonies, beautiful love stories and she shares her experiences of getting to know couples that she works with and how the couples learn together when sharing their experiences and story. She also talks in depth about the kind of traits we should look for the dating someone and the traits that will long last in a healthy relationship. Why are you marrying that person? What is your love language? Would you ever go speed dating? You can Like and Subscribe across all platforms, Follow me on Insta:  @DaisieDatesPodcast  and @ daisiebelle Follow me on TikTok: @daisiedatespodcast and @ daisiebelle6 Follow Kathryn on Insta: @lovecelebrants P.S This is a relationships and dating podcast which is in the podcast charts. I cover mindset, heartbreak, rewiring thoughts and we chat all things finding love, aswell as finding ways for being happy single and embracing dating, choosing to not date at all or just having fun!  Follow everywhere @daisiedatespodcast and @daisiebelle PLEASE like and subscribe or leave a review - every little helps and this podcast is produced, presented, filmed and edited by me. Enjoy the episode!! Dais xo

Hello, welcome to season two of the Daisy Dates podcast where I chat all things dating, apps, love, breakups and everything in between. Today we're actually celebrating everything love and really happy stories so I'm really excited about this. I'm joined by humanist, wedding celebrant and wedding and Fowey Newalls expert Catherine Wilson. Hello! Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here and talk about lots of things about love. I know, what a gorgeous, gorgeous thing to be talking about and the fact that you're around it all of the time just must be absolutely lovely. But before we start, I always do a this or that game with people. So just whatever comes to mind.

This kind of crosses over with dating but also weddings as well so first dance as a couple or getting the whole wedding party involved uh first dance as a couple yeah yeah okay bouquet toss or no yeah I like that as long as it doesn't cause any injuries yeah no I want to be catching, I want to be catching it. I want to be catching it. Lingerie wedding night or naked? Naked. Oh, I love it. One dress or two?

Hmm. I think two. I like two. Go bougie on your weddings, eh? Why not? Yeah. And also I think it makes you relax a little bit more into the evening. Surprises on the day from someone,

the groom or the bride or no surprises? I love surprises. Yes. Yeah. Love that. Dating apps or real life meets? Dating apps. Really? Oh my goodness. I'll tell you more about that why. Yes. We'll have to. Activity day or get to know each other dinner date? Activity date. Definitely. And summer activity date definitely and summer dating or winter dating oh winter okay less sweaty upper lip love it yeah no very true actually I'm terrible in the summer I'm a sweaty person I'm not someone that looks glamorous on holiday so I would say winter is better for me as well and I feel like there's just less stress on what to wear in in winter like in the summer you have to think about tanning and exactly your skin looking nice on your legs and shaving do you know what it's so

nice to like walk around like go and have like a little nice hot chocolate and winter wonderland or somewhere that's really really cozy and get to know each other because then the conversation is more important than what you look like I think yeah and I've spoken about this on my Instagram actually low investment dating where you don't like spend a week buying things and getting ready for the date and texting whatsapp groups just go and make it low key low investment in terms of money like a coffee date and everything because I think the second that you're curling your hair and you're spraying it and you're wearing a gorgeous tight dress you're putting so much expectation on a on a stranger ultimately exactly tell me about dating apps dating apps so the reason that I think dating apps basically it's it's come from the fact that

a lot of the couples I've married in the last year and a half two years um have been from dating apps and it's it's just showing us that it works I guess um these people are getting married some of them have been together for a year some of them have been together for 10 years um and I think it's just the rise and rise of dating apps because we're all on them even if we don't use them we're still on them if we're single and even if we're not oh god God, don't get into that. Have you found there's one that particularly is more popular? So I married a couple last week and they really wanted to celebrate the fact that they had met on Bumble. And they actually wanted me to shout out Bumble and get a round of applause for Bumble during their ceremony.

Which is really fun because it's like round of applause for Bumble because if it didn't exist, it basically none of us would be in this room right now. So yeah, as much as I think a lot of my friends are single and they really struggle with dating apps, they're like, oh, you know, it's really cringe having to write these little things about yourself. I'd much rather if it was just photos. they go to they go to tinder as opposed to hinge um because they don't have to write as much whereas I'm like you know what as a mindset thing you want to get to know someone more than just about what they look like because you know as you've said on this podcast before some people put especially men they tend to have photos that are up to six years old which is like not good because that's not what you look like.

I don't even look like what I looked like a year ago, if I'm honest. Exactly. I really like fluctuate in ways and even my face shape changes. And my eyebrows. My eyebrows from seven years ago, they were lost.

They were, there was no game in my eyebrows back then. I've just had mine microbladed literally a week old and it's life changing. So anything pre now, I don't want to show it. Yeah. So yeah what i mean you're constantly changing that's really interesting okay go bumble i was expecting you to say that one or hinge if i'm totally honest okay but i get a little

bit more seriously bumble is the one where you i've not used most i think i've used tinder for a little while but um i've not used bumble but it's the one where the woman makes the first move yeah which i really like i think it makes everyone feel comfortable absolutely and i think guys like that right now um explain what a humanist wedding is because i know there's quite a lot of confusion about that okay so um you can get married in england not legally so you have to go to a registry office before to do the legals. In Northern Ireland, where I'm from, you might be able to tell, it has been legalized. So I can do the whole thing, sign the piece of paper and they're legally married. But over here, that rule hasn't

come in yet, which we are, you know, we're trying to make that happen. But as of yet, it hasn't been legalized. And so a humanist wedding celebrant would be you'd work with me and humanist humanism is uh the belief that um non-religious no religion um so the belief is that the higher power is within us and within our communities there's no god or such yeah um so my ceremonies are completely non-religious i don don't really like to have anything about or anything about religion. It's all about the couple, which is a lot more work than you might be able to, you might think, because if you go to a normal wedding, that's perhaps a religious wedding. They can talk about pages from the Bible. They can talk about things that relate to God and religious and they're all their values. But so we work together to ensure that the couple is

talked about and there's no religion. If a couple come to me and they say, Catherine, we love your vibe. We want you to marry us. But our moms or our parents or relatives are really religious. How would you feel about intertwining that into the ceremony? I might say, do you know what, if your mom wants to come up and say something, she can say something about her religious values or her beliefs. That's, that's, that's fine by me, but I just can't be saying it. I can't start talking about the Bible or things like that. So, um, it's an absolute joy. It goes without saying, it's really one of those things that like, it's come into my life and I just feel so liberated and excited to be able to do this and say I do this for a living like it's it's fantastic and I work with couples all types of couples and all types of love stories

whether they're getting married for the first time or it's a vow renewal well you literally in a way have to go on like what would be similar to a first date. You completely have to get to know these two people from scratch, which must be such an experience. Obviously, you are a presenter anyway, an interviewer. So you're natural with that. But you're a massive people's person. So I can imagine how much you love that. But what is that process like?

Because you kind of have to get to know someone that could be like 10 years that they've known each other six years two years you have to get to know their story it's so interesting that you've said dating because the number of first dates I've been on in the last two years has been a massive thing and a lot of couples will get in touch with me and they might have found me on Instagram or online or they might have searched on the Humanist UK map. So I'm on the map to where I will marry people. And if they're getting married there, they might find me that way. Or they might find me on Instagram or a quick Google search. And that doesn't mean they immediately want to book me. They want to get to know me. So we go on a first date. That can be a 30 minute session on Zoom or a lot of the time it's in person and it's really

like it is so nerve-wracking I'm not gonna lie to you not because it is like a job interview of course for me but it's more like a first date because it's more important to see if we connect and I will say that I will state that I will say let's get together on zoom I want to see if um we connect but that is the word i use because they want someone who not only understands their love story and will say it in an authentic way but someone that can be their friend they're opening up and being asked questions they've never heard before or never been asked before you know i'm asking these couples so why are you getting married no one asks people why they're getting married they think it's rude they think so why are you getting married no one asks people why they're getting married they

think it's rude they think so why are you getting married they think everybody should know oh well and a lot of people will just pause and look at each other and i'm like come on you know why are you getting married and they'll be like uh because she wants to or you know oh well it's kind of like the done thing or it's it's the next step in our creative process and I'm like this is not a business meeting why do you want to have a legal document um to say that you are married to this person legally and why do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person it's a big question and people are kind of a little bit like stunted when I ask them that and sometimes they'll say you know what I'll come back and I'll give you a better idea

um a lot of people will be very honest and be like they're about the only person I can put up with so far um you know what I mean so people will be very honest um but you know I'm coming straight in and when I get to know couples it's all about them you know most of the time I don't really talk about me at all um and we'll see if we vibe and thankfully a lot of the first dates I've gone on have ended in them booking me thankfully sometimes they haven't but that's because they've lined up a couple of celebrants to meet that day which I'm completely open to you know that the other celebrant might have had more ideas for symbolic gestures things that might be of interest to them

as a couple or they just might have vibed better and that's what dating is about um so yeah I love I love dating my couples as much as that sounds really really weird and really 2023 um I do like I do enjoy it but it's very nerve-wracking yeah I can imagine possibly more than a first date because I think anything that involves technically it is you love it but it is work anything that involves work for me I think is actually more nerve-wracking than like actual like dating for romance and do you meet couples and you're just like wow you two are the perfect match or do you meet them and you're just like wow you two are the perfect match or do you meet them and you're like hmm okay and then you get to know them and you're like wow this is why you're the

perfect match yeah no absolutely and I think it it's different with every couple there would be there's couples that I've met that perhaps their celebrant has cancelled or um they've decided that they want to have a celebrant led wedding as opposed to a registrar. And that's OK. But they'll be a bit panicked and a bit rushed. So there's a little bit more of a nervous energy of like, we need to get this over and done with. And I'll sense that like I'll be like, OK, well, I do need to know this, this and this. And if you can't get this across to me in time, I won be able to do your wedding um because it has to be authentic it has to be purely about them I can't just write a script and be like does this kind of sound like you you know it doesn't work that way because everybody

is different and if I just stood up at your wedding and went do you know what this is how this couple met each other and everybody's just looking at each other like that's not how they met yeah you know what I mean everybody will know so so yeah it's it's it's interesting I've worked with couples before where I've been like these two maybe need to take a little step back I'm glad that it's like up to a year towards their wedding um because people put a lot of pressure on themselves you know they're they're spending a day with their most loved people in their life it's a big deal people spend a lot of money um and it's very very important to them um and sometimes I just say you know tell me about a time you've been to a wedding and you didn't enjoy it

yeah 100% tell me about a time like things that you've been at a wedding before and you've thought I don't want this and they're a bit like can we can we talk about that and I'm like well it's not this is not being recorded but I need to get from you what you don't like so we can run away from that um and it's a it's a really creative process that it requires like me to ask the couple quite intimate questions and I don't know if we've said you know why you get married but it's also what was the first thing you noticed about each other was there ever a time you thought it wasn't going to work um tell me about the difficulties that you've been through and sometimes it does feel a little bit like I'm a therapist um which can be a little bit

challenging for some people to open up to um and some people do the exact opposite I don't even ask them those questions and yet they tell me them because they want to say this is our backstory we've been through these hardships and this is how I've realized that this is the person for me yeah oh I'm getting goosebumps listening to that genuinely genuinely it must just be so lovely and do you find that couples actually learn about each other in this process as well so much um and I know it's something you've talked about on this podcast before but love languages it's a huge thing for me do you know yours yes um touch and words of affirmation and that's how you receive love or how you give it how I like to receive love but I'm

pretty sure I give it that way as well okay interesting you look at it like that because um I my mine is words of affirmation fully and because my love language is words of affirmation because that's what I want then I give it to other people exactly so they'll give it back to me so I'm like I love you please love me back um and I know I think it comes from a lot of things in my life you know from being an only child and you know being told continuously how great I am I still want it into adulthood and I'm not afraid to admit it I then would say my second one is acts of service whereas with my partner his is fully acts of service and he doesn't really like words of affirmation so I have to kind of pull that out of him and it's not without its difficulties I'm not gonna lie because

I know that that's my love language and that's how I feel loved um and I think that that's sometimes the challenge in relationships so I ask my couples to go away figure out what your um love language is and they come back to me and they're like you know that's so interesting because I I've never known how to love the person I'm about to marry I've never known how they love me um like I did this with with my own partner uh quite recently and I was like you know let's let's figure out your love language and he hates anything like that yeah he hates it he's so my opposite and when it comes to everything like that and I was like just just go away and you know spend a couple of weeks on it thinking about when you feel most loved and he came back to me a couple of weeks later he's a bit of a deep thinker um my partner and he came back and he said oh do you know what I was thinking about it the other

day and I went into the fridge and I opened it up and I could see that you'd been to Aldi and you'd bought this really cheap biscuit it's called Wacko right okay and they're like 70p for like 16 of them like they're really really cheap but he loves them and it wasn't the fact that I'd gone and got them it was the fact that I'd gone and got them took one out of the packet and put it in a certain place in the fridge that as soon as he opened the fridge, he'd see it. So he knows that I was thinking of him. And he was like,

that's probably how I feel most loved because you'd been about your day and you'd gone and you'd specifically put it in that part of the fridge so that I would see it and I would feel loved. And I was like, that is so true. You know, I do that without even thinking that. and everybody I've told that to they're like you

should you should start putting biscuits in the fridge for me but it's like it's words it's acts of service that I guess isn't it I think that's so sweet and I think it's um always really nice to hear when a partner I think particularly guys when they will listen to their partner and go away and do little activities like that. Because people don't realise how important it is. And actually it was on another podcast, I think Stephen Bartlett's podcast. And it was the guy, I've forgotten his name now, the dating expert that does a lot of the dating shows. Celebs Go Dating.

He's like a therapist as well. And he's really open about the fact that him and his wife had a really tough time where he was on the sofa and he was like this is it then he read a book about love languages finally understood why she wasn't appreciating all of the things he did like the washing up and putting the clothes away she needed just words and as soon as they realized that their relationship got back on track and now they're still very happily married, like travelling the world together. And it's quite simple if we just knew this

and if people were open to stuff like that. Yeah, I think a lot of people initially hear it and they think, oh, that's so woo-woo. You know, oh, love languages. What does that even mean? I think they think it's like, not science, I think they think it's kind of like a star sign or something sometimes. Yeah, exactly.

People immediately hear it and think, oh, you know, we just speak English. Like, you know, communication is so much more than just speaking to each other. Communication is physical touch, is how we make people feel about themselves. It's it's there's so many levels of it. But, you know, there's five love languages. If we get to know those and learn which ones we align with the most then that's important you know my partner could be um giving me gifts every week and I might stop appreciating it because he's doing it so often and it's lovely don't get me wrong like he does he actually gets me a flower description uh subscription which is

really lovely and every time I get them I feel lovely but I would much prefer a you look really lovely today um I can see you've got your eyebrows done yeah top 10 guys take notes or the eyelashes anything about that um if I'm told it's so much stronger for me than receiving something which makes me sound like really ungrateful but I'm just being honest it's just what it is I'm 100% words and actually a breakup that you probably know about a few years ago that I've definitely spoken about on the breakup episode as well in season one um he wouldn't try and say words therefore the relationship would never have worked because he wouldn't even compromise and there's compromises needed when it comes to things like this going back to weddings uh we're going to get some wedding advice from you now because you're seeing a lot of them so what do you think it is that makes a great wedding

are there like three things specifically that you can pick out whether that's in activities or the people or anything? I think there's a lot to be said for intimacy. So people there that, I always say to couples, have people there that you would have around your house for like a curry on a Friday night. Don't invite those people who you feel like you should, especially if you wouldn't have them around your house for a curry because there's something quite intimate in having someone in your house that you're not making dinner for. Yeah, but you're having round for like a takeaway.

You're enjoying that conversation. You really know them. So intimacy, authentic. It needs to be authentic and it needs to be all about the couple in my book because people there should be relearning your love story they should be hearing things that are authentic to the way you got together and the the last one would be celebration so it would be if I'm sure like your friends are people that you have a lot in common with if they are if they're into drinking have a shot let's all have a shot at the end of the ceremony um or have something that is truly you um and find a way to celebrate you two as a couple

that everybody there will align with you spend a lot of time with couples and obviously you've got your own love story of your own when you are around so much love what do you think are three it might be different with every couple which it probably is but three prominent things that stand out all the time that really do make like a strong relationship like obviously all the little things like love languages are important too but like the staples oh okay it's quite a tricky, isn't it? Whenever I've listened to your podcast before, there is, you talk a lot about how you want to have lots of things in common.

I actually think the opposite. So I think that you should be quite different to your partner. Me and my partner are opposites in a lot of things. He has a lot of hobbies. I don't, I'm not going to lie. Guys tend to have loads more exactly exactly he he can get very obsessive with whether it's golf or running or um cycling it's something every week um whereas I just don't have that whereas I kind of feel like I I mellow that out for him a little

bit so the first thing would be being different, having different hobbies and interests, because that keeps the conversation going. You know, what are you doing today? Oh, well, I'm just reading, you know, I'm just reading today and the other person's doing the same thing. There's not as much to talk about, I think. Obviously, it's a great thing to have in common. But I think it's you're quicker to lose things to talk about if you have too many shared interests. Wanting the same goals. So like alignment in seeing your future together.

So I think that has to be a conversation that happens early on in a relationship, not necessarily about children and things like that but just you know where you see your future if you see your future as someone that wants to travel the world for the rest of their life and this other person is a real homebird it's never going to work I think you need to have that kind of not a conversation is like tell me what you want to do with your life immediately I need to know otherwise I'm leaving this date right now I don't think it needs to be that but I think it needs to be a shared alignment of the similar interests and where you see your future uh and a third one um friendship i think that's that's key um we're not always going to get on with our friends we're not always going to get on with our partner but i think to having friendship first and foremost is key so if you don't see this person

as a friend leave the date if you don't if you don't feel like you because at the end of the day a partner for life is a companion you know there could be things happen in your life where that person is no longer able to do the same things they were once able to do with you and you have to still love them and tolerate them um and I feel like friendship is a core for that yeah that's an interesting point um another guest on another episode a mindset coach has brought up that acceptance and I think you are more likely to accept traits in someone that obviously it sounds weird to say if you like them because you should always like the person that you're dating but I think there's a difference between just like obviously having that infatuation with someone that's just beautiful in front of you and getting on with them to actually some having that connection with someone that's kind to the waiter kind to you

kind to other people and that's what develops a friendship I think it's it's an interesting thing that I haven't said anything about attraction yeah and I don't think that that's I get that a lot you know a lot of couples are mad about each other and want to tell me and they're just so hot like they finish it's finished and they're just so hot have you seen them like there's a lot of that and obviously attraction is very very important but I think as I've matured I found that we but I find things and traits in people more attractive than actually how they look anybody can be pretty you know in their own way but the way people as you say treat a waiter treat their friends and family treat their parents in particular that's a very attractive thing and manners are

so attractive kindness those types of things and I think that's why you know if you're ever walking down the street and you can see two people and you kind of think oh my goodness like how how'd she bag him or vice versa or anything like that I think a lot of it you know we were looking beyond the surface yeah and that's longevity at the end of the day because everyone changes as they get older but those traits will always be there I had a friend the other day say to me a male friend I think it's about 36 and he was like Daisy you know you need to maybe be trying to go for people that aren't your typical type that you don't instantly find attractive which I will say is harder on dating apps.

So hard. There's been so many people I've come across that aren't my typical type or wouldn't be the typical head turner for most people. But like on an app, it is materialistic generally, I think. And I said to him, well, why should I like not be attracted to my partner? Look at you, you've got a stunning partner.

And he said, look where that's got me. Because they're splitting up and they're having really hard times. And I'm like, actually, that's really interesting. Because when I thought about people that have broken up recently around me, I'm like, yeah, when I've asked. And I did this. I did this as a test with someone close to me recently. I said, when they were mourning a breakup, name 10 things that you loved about them.

And it was, oh, look. Then I asked my mum to name 10 things that she loved about my stepdad. And they are madly in love. Like, if anyone wants to aspire for a love like theirs, it's that one. And it was all like the way he does this and the way he talks to me and the way he does this at night and the and I love that we're really and it was all about them and the personality traits and I thought there you go which I think you saying that makes uh online dating incredibly difficult it makes any type of dating have you ever experienced speed dating yes I have and did you how did you find it it was actually really enjoyable

I'm not sure it's very realistic because you can't and the questions that you go in with are different what people want to know straight away are always different I mean I wouldn't do this speed dating because this would be odd but on an app generally the first few things I do like to find out is kind of if they're somehow obviously not literally going in but if they're close to their family because that's relationships around them are quite important to me um if they live at home or not because I like the idea of a man just being independent and his mum not doing the washing yeah yeah but just like kind of and and being in a space and how long they've been broken up with someone as well they're kind of things that I

like to know because if someone's just broken up with someone, I just stay away. I like people to have their time to heal. No, I understand. I think that's a great way of looking at it. But with, I find speed dating a good thing because I know a lot of people that have got together through speed dating. Wow, okay, interesting. Because they're both at a place and they're, going to something like that is incredibly difficult like it's I'm sure you were quite nervous yes I was very because you're literally going to an interview blind interview with these like people but everybody there is

aligned in the fact that they want to meet someone they're at the stage in their life they're they're not mending a broken heart they're not just looking for a one night thing. They're looking for a potential relationship. And I feel like already you're in the arena with people who are looking for what you're looking for. Whereas I feel like on dating apps, it could be slightly different. Um, so I, if, if you're someone listening to this and you've never tried it before, I'd say don't knock it till you've tried it. Go and do one that's not in your local area um I would advise um I know long distance is really difficult um but my relationship I'm in now was long distance and I actually think you make it work if it's the right person I agree with that when everyone says it doesn't work it's just because it hasn't been the right person I

truly do think that if you if I found an amazing person two hours and a half down the motorway from my house I would stay with them because I know how hard it is to find amazing people and for you both to like each other at the same time both be ready and both click it just doesn't happen like that yeah no it took a long it took a long time for for me to move and it has to be one person makes the decision. Your view on speed dating is actually really interesting. And you're right, they're choosing to be there and putting themselves out there in a situation that's actually quite uncomfortable for most. So actually, I find that quite admirable as well. It takes a lot of confidence. And I've been speed dating before.

I went a couple of times actually when I was single. Some of the nights brought loads of my friends who weren't that interested. And then I was like, do you know what? I'm going to go to the next time on my own because people do take it very seriously and people are very nervous. And it's not fair to go in there

just to have a night out with the girls, just to have a night out with your mates to see what it's like. It's not fair on everybody else there that's, you know, this is the third time they've done it. They're literally, quite literally walking in there with their heart in their hands to be like, hi, are we right for each other?

And I think, you know, instantly sitting with someone like across the table, so nervous. I don't even get like sweating, thinking about remembering what it's like and you might go you're not my type that that's what you're thinking in your head so I'm just going to be your internal head now it's like you're not my type I don't even know what he's saying oh oh three and a half minutes to go what's he asked me oh oh yes I do this for a living do you know what I mean so you've already switched off and it's like you actually might sit down and be like okay let's give this a go let's not

let's not and think of my ex that I can see let's switch off the ex today and let's actually have an enjoyable conversation yeah oh I could actually be friends with this person because I think it should always start with friendship I think that's amazing advice judging by this little bit of conversation that we've had I am gonna try and go to something like that yeah I will I promise I'll report back we'll all know about it on on the Instagram and I'm quite intrigued now there's so many singles events now even apps that are new uh helping do real life meet events as well yeah um my schedule does free up later in the year and I'm actually excited that it does mean that I will be able to just try and go to things like that which I think are better for me like and you might meet someone who might

introduce you to someone like you you just don't know it's it's I think it's like real networking but it's networking in love as opposed to business. Like you're not going in there thinking, oh, where am I going to get my next job from? You're going to think, where am I going to meet my next person? Love it. Love it. I don't think I've passed this by you, actually, but I've got to ask. You also do like divorce ceremonies, don't you?

Yes. Yes. Yes. We'll touch on it. Yeah. No, listen, anything's a celebration put it that way yeah and um it's it's a recently new thing I would say um for a lot of people to hear about these divorce ceremonies but you know COVID was a huge thing for couples um a lot of couples realized that they weren't really right for each other they met when they were very young They perhaps had a couple of kids and they actually realized during COVID, because we were spending a lot of time together with this one individual, that maybe they just didn't want the same thing anymore. you know we're not physically attracted to each other we both want different things we're still

really good friends so we can part ways in this really liberating way um i have a friend actually whose husband came out as gay during covid so they decided to part ways and he's now in a relationship with another man and she's now in another relationship with a man so like they're both amazing really really happy and they're good friends still wouldn't say close friends but they're like they both feel like they're in the right place now yeah I'm like why waste your life in this miserable relationship care about this person that you're with enough to tell them this ain't working anymore definitely I love you I adore you and because of that I think we should move in separate ways now um so it you know anything that's a celebration in life I think should be having a

ceremony to celebrate it with all your friends and family not every breakup has to be like looked at like frowned upon or absolutely dreadful I think it's lovely if two mutual people that are mutually breaking up conscious uncoupling is what it's called that's nice I like it and then what do you find is the main reason people get vow renewals do you know what it's it's really varied I think when I initially heard it um I was thinking, oh, they've been through some rocky times. So they have to prove to each other that I'm still in it. I'm still in it. But it's not that at all. A lot of people in particular are marrying a couple in mid-August. And they were telling me that it is because they didn't have as much money as they do now

um so i get married in this very posh place and they are traveling from seattle so they're coming over to london from seattle with all their friends and family i say all their friends and family there's 36 people but they are the nearest and dearest people that were at the first wedding but the first wedding they had was in their backyard so it wasn't that special thing that they really wanted to do they've both had careers for the last 22 years and now they have a load of money that they think we're going to spend it on us and show each other that our marriage has been amazing and we want to continue to improve on it and we want to splash some cash on it as well and I think it's like in writing the ceremony for that it's the they're renewing

the promises that they made you know I see boys like whenever I ask my couples they're like right boys to each other I just break it down as what are three things that you love the most about your relationship and then three things that you love the most about your relationship? And then three things that you want to promise for your future together. And whenever they take away the word vow, it takes off the pressure because really vows are promises. And maybe there's been things that you did promise before that you haven't really been working on or you haven't maintained in the relationship. So there are things that, you know, I promise that I'm gonna try to understand you a bit better during an argument or I promise to try to like cheer you up whatever man united

lose or things like that they have to be things that are like because we're human beings like we're not always gonna be I might love and respect you every single day of life what does that mean like that literally means nothing what is it to give someone love every day of life. What does that mean? Like that literally means nothing. What is it to give someone love every day of their life? Yeah. So much more than that. It's the, if you've had a rubbish day, I want to talk to you about it.

And I promise to be there to just listen. Or I promise to be there to give you a back massage if you're really stressed out or negotiate with the parking attendant if they've just given you a parking van. Do you know things like that where you're really stressed out or negotiate with the parking attendant if they've just given you a parking van. Do you know things like that where you're really being there for someone as opposed to just loving them? Because what does that mean? Yeah, that's really interesting, actually. And do you find that it is a little bit more chilled than the first time round? Probably they might be able to actually enjoy it more. Oh, totally. I would say that it's just as nerve wracking because a lot of couples I've worked with, you know, they got married first time in Vegas. I've done a lot of like vow renewals, but they were weddings recently. A lot of people got married legally during COVID, couldn't have anybody there. So now they're having their actual wedding. But it is technically a vow renewal because it's two years later or something like that. But I think a lot of the time it's, it means more to them.

They've matured together. They've been through a lot of rubbish. They've been through a lot of things that have really challenged them personally, both as individuals and as a couple. And now they're ready to be like, I got my person. I want to show them off. Lovely. I like the sound of that and your role um generally

as a celebrant is to obviously set set the tone of the day really one of the first voices like in the ceremony and then to kind of help get that party started do you feel that pressure and also how do you kind of start it so it kind of it starts the process from when I first meet the couple um I want to figure out what they find funny and what they don't find funny um a lot of my couples are very dry I'm not really that dry and so I kind of have to script it to be like does this sound like you or how would this sound funnier and we work together like I'm very um honest about what I'm gonna say and I send them on google docs the script so if they're like do

you know what actually if you added in this this would be funnier our audience would find this funnier that really helps me because if I'm going to make fun of the fact that um your your wife to be is into knitting I need to know all about that I need to know why they would find that funny where that's come from all those things so whenever I stand up there maybe some couples like some couples like me to curse some couples really don't like me to curse um and um you kind of figure out where that's going to be a lot of couples will be honest to be like please don't say anything about humanism or anything like that because my family are really religious and I want as much as I want to have a humanist celebrant to be all about us I don't want to highlight the fact that you know God's left the

room kind of thing it sounds very deep but you know what I mean and he's not in that room present at that moment um so yeah that you kind of have to get to know people and and some couples are brilliant at it like what really letting me come in the door kind of thing and sit down with them and have a cup of tea. Whereas other couples are a bit like, ah, we don't really know. So best leave it out, which is fine as well. But then that makes the work harder. Cause I'm like, what can we put in there? You know, I want you to tell me about a funny situation that's happened or, um, tell me about a situation where you nearly didn't get together or difficulties you've had and let's make it into a funny story I'm a storyteller at the end of the day yeah and

then you kind of have to fit into someone's wedding so themes and stuff do you have to dress accordingly to and are people particularly quite strict about that um it depends on the couple most couples don't care if I'm. They're so focused on other things. I'm the least thing they're thinking about. So that means that I have to ask them. That's interesting, though, because I would want a celebrant that's going to be in the background of those really special photos to look great.

And you'll know when you go on Catherine's socials, that we'll get onto in a second, that you always look amazing at the weddings. And I think that's what you want, isn't it? You want that person to still's still they're part of it yeah and and I guess you know hiring a celebrant is is considered new so before it would have been a registrar or a priest or a minister you're at you're not about to start asking them what to wear can you imagine like ringing up your priest and saying you know what you wore an orange robe last week and I just ain't into it. It's not my color scheme. They would not be for it. Um, so I've not really had

many of my couples tell me what to wear and what not to wear. Um, I do dress in a certain way. It obviously has to be quite glamorous, but professional. Um, I've had couples that have been like, can you wear this dress to our wedding because it looks really nice and it would go with our color scheme and I'm I'm fine with that as long as it's not something I have to go out and buy yeah of course and then love celebrants as a brand tell us about how you're growing it and how important things like social media is as well to like get across it's so hard I know as like even a presenter it's so hard to let people know what you can do unless they're literally there it's hard to get your personality

across in 10 second videos oh it's it's awful and you know you'll know yourself as being a presenter um your brand is you and it's really difficult to even put yourself out there I'm even going back to dating now putting yourself out there anywhere is incredibly difficult especially in an authentic way because you want to be like polished and gorgeous and stunning all the time but we're human beings we're not always like that so it's like where's the line um with with love celebrants um I want to say that it's a very modernized, obviously it's me. So it's like it's modern weddings, telling love stories, showcasing the love of these two people in whatever way that might be. And I try to be authentic, but it is really, really difficult because especially with couples sometimes, you know know I'll be like oh can I share

that and they'll be like no they don't like social media so they're not they're not into it they're like please don't showcase any of our wedding photos and I'm like please they're so stunning um but I've just I've you know a lot of the couples I align with and align with me are couples who are modern who are on social media they've probably found found me there. So they're fine. They love when I'm showcasing their stuff. Um, but again, I think it goes back to that feeling of if they're right for me, like dating, if they're right for me and they're my right couples, they'll want to do what I want to do on social media. Um, but it's, it's, it's been, it's been a really interesting growing my social media on it because it feels a little bit easier to showcase love stories and other people's love than it is to just showcase me

looking nice in a nice little dress. Yeah. Which is just not as important to me as it once was for my presenting page. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. This is like a new chapter for you and you're obviously great at it. And I just think it's amazing that you're just around so much love. What a frequency raiser, which we've also spoken about on previous episodes.

I also have a finale question. And today it's just if you would share a little bit of what your own love story is. Yeah. So I met my partner, Jack, nearly eight years ago. Yeah, just over eight years ago now at a festival in Amsterdam. Yeah. Yeah. So we met through a friend who was also going to the festival. So it was kind of like that. And it's really interesting because a lot of the couples I marry, they always have a story of, but we should have never met and I kind of feel like that way about my partner Jack um it could have been very likely that we never met and you know he was just sort of

a long-term relationship when we first met I was in another relationship so it you know what I mean it shouldn't have happened but it did and um he was the first kind of person who ever pursued me I'd never been pursued I didn't know that that was a thing yeah no I don't think I have yeah it's just one of those things whereas I was like you know I was in this other relationship I wasn't interested in meeting anybody else and I think if almost that kind of made him more intent on being like but he's not right for you I can show you why I am and I'd never experienced that before and yeah we've been together seven years now it's not been without its problems of course um but um he's my best

friend first and foremost and I feel like I can talk to him about anything and I think that's that's key in any love story amazing so really you did start as friends first then didn't you if you were in a relationship you didn't go you didn't meet him at a festival thinking oh I'm gonna get this guy's number yeah and there it was that intent that he wanted to continue that friendship that only grew our connection further and made me realize what the other guy didn't have this is quite interesting because in season one we had um Sammy clinch on who said friend friends zone first, always start as friends. So this is becoming like key to people's stories at the minute. Interesting.

Well, thank you so much for joining us. You've been an amazing guest, obviously. Where can people follow you, both Catherine and also Love Celebrants? So you can follow me on at Love Celebrants or lovecelebrants.co.uk. I'm going to be bringing on a couple more celebrants onto my brand. That's why it's Celebrants, because basically it's been doing so well that I now have work that I can give out to other people. And I don't align with everybody. So I think that's key as well, that some people might be better suited to other celebrants I know

and yeah at Catherine B. Wilson as well I'd love to hear from you if you have a love story or even if you want to talk about your love story because people have

love stories with themselves and you should love yourself first and foremost oh I love that would you ever marry someone marry someone themselves yes

do you know what that should just be a celebration of them. Of self love because the moment you get there your life does change so I agree with that. Right thank you so much and you can follow Date States podcast on TikTok, Instagram

and you can listen on all streaming platforms. We're finally on Apple finally and you can watch on YouTube as well and we'll see you next time.