Daisie Dates - EP13 Silenced By Love

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

In this episode, Paige Spittle, Author of 'Silenced By Love' joins me. Paige opens up about about dating, toxic relationships, being a single mum since the age of 22 and how to pick yourself up from a past that has at times been heavy. Paige also chats about her Borderline Personality Disorder and how that can affect relationships, as well as how a partner can help be a great support for someone experiencing a disorder like this, with such intense emotions. This is a really open and honest episode. Paige has been through a lot in her life for someone still very young and she shares some experiences and the lessons she's learned in this episode. You can follow Paige: paigespittleofficial. You can follow my podcast on all streaming platforms, Daisie Dates Podcast, TikTok: daisiebelle6 daisiedates podcast Insta: daisiebelle daisiedatespodcast A Like Share and OR subscribe goes a long way! Leaving some Feedback or a review is always so appreciated, too and my DM's are always open!! I appreciate the support SO much. Thanks for listening and I'll chat to you soon! P.S This is a relationships and dating podcast which is in the podcast charts. I cover mindset, heartbreak, rewiring thoughts and we chat all things finding love, aswell as finding ways for being happy single and embracing dating, choosing to not date at all or just having fun!  This podcast is produced, presented, filmed and edited by me. Enjoy the episode!! Dais xo

Hello, welcome to the Daisy Dates podcast. I'm Daisy and I talk all things heartbreak, mindset, dating apps, do's and don'ts and today I'm joined in the studio by Paige Spittel, author of Silenced by Love. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for asking me to come on. Very excited to have you in the studio. We're going to get all into your book, delve into the reasoning behind it, what it was like putting pen to paper but first we always play a this or that game on the podcast are you ready i'm ready let's go okay in terms of dating park walk and a coffee or ten pin bowling park walk and a coffee yeah yeah you've done many walking dates

no i haven't yeah i say it's my favourite, but no, I haven't. Probably like one or two, but no. I haven't even done bowling dates either. No, I always get a little bit nervous of like, you plan to go on a 10K walk and then you get a little bit into it and realise you don't want to do the whole 10K. You're tired. You're tired.

In terms of a relationship, words of affirmation or gestures of service words of affirmation i love people telling me how much they like me and what they what i mean to them even though i haven't heard it in ages but um definitely. Words, words. I'm also words of affirmation. Yeah. And double date or one-on-one? One-on-one. Yeah, I'd say one-on-one. I quite like more, I feel like it's more intimate with the person. I feel like when you're on a double date, it's okay, like if you're all friends or what have you, but I quite like that one-on-one vibe, just getting to know a person and no other distractions or conversations going on, really. So, yeah, one-on-one. Yeah, I've also decided to make a little bit of a rule,

not too strict, but not really getting friends involved in your relationships, like within friendship groups. Sometimes I think, you know what, if you like someone, see how it goes before being like me is may or that kind of thing i think the thing is with friends as well when you get friends involved like if anything goes tits out then um they're the friend that are like i don't like him anymore you know do you know what i mean and then it's awkward for him then because he's you know you've sorted things out but then your friends sort of like but i remember you did this last year you know what i've sorted things out, but then your friend's sort of like, but I remember you did this last year.

You know what I mean? Yeah, leave it out. One-on-one, get to know each other. Definitely. So then I feel like I might know your answer here. Double date, oh no, coffee date or wine bar? Oh, gotta be a wine bar. Yeah, good, good, good.

Wine bar, love a wine bar. Like if you ask any of my friends, like I am a wine bar, cocktail bar kind of girl now yeah that's it I'm I'm I think as I've got older I'm more I used to be out in the clubs on Friday Saturday nights bank holidays but I can't even last till like 1am anymore like I'm ready for food so I'd rather go out earlier in a nice wine bar setting and then head home get some food and yeah that's me all right on that note then quiet night in or a tipsy first date oh tipsy first day yeah because it breaks the ice um i like i'm just very very chatty on dates like you can't shut me up like

i feel like on one day i went to we had tapas and cocktails and I think he got sick of how much I was talking this is the thing is it we have to look at these things though because sometimes I worry that if a guy isn't holding much of a conversation with me I will just then just make conversation and that turns to then be just about myself that's it and that is a bit of a turn off let's face it yeah um but hey if you can talk that's not a bad thing yeah have you got a date that springs to mind when I ask you what your best date ever would be best date ever do you know what I don't I have a lot of days out and places I've been to um like a day out in London that was nice um you know we did loads of fun things sightseeing

and you really get to know people then like you're out of your hometown i don't like going on dates where i live like get me out of there like so no one's all up in my business knows who i'm with or no no one needs to know what i'm doing who who I'm speaking to. Just like let me somewhere I can be wild and be who I want to be. Yeah, I totally understand that. I do the local radio. So for me, I know a lot of people. So I've interviewed a lot of people. So I'm like, we need to go to a village on the outskirts where I'm just not going to know anyone that's serving us.

Because it's just, it's a bit embarrassing. Okay, three words that would describe you. words that would do three words okay um I would say passionate because anything I am involved in or anything I'm currently doing then I would say yeah passionate um caring I'm really caring caring person and I would say sensitive it's my third one because i'm quite a sensitive soul um so like i take everything i wear my heart on my sleeve is what my mum would say about me oh i think that's a nice thing though yeah can be dangerous yes and vulnerable yeah um but i think that's like admirable traits. Yeah.

For sure. Yeah. How would you currently describe your dating status right now? Non-existent, actually. Yeah, non-existent. I've took myself off dating apps. I just really just want to meet someone like in a just nice, just like I go out and I bump into someone it's all very fluent and natural and I'm just just it's not forced I'm sick of the robotic conversations on bumble hi how are you

yes fine thanks how are you yeah good never hear from them again oh they've closed the conversation do you know what I mean like I don't want any of that anymore like I just haven't got the time I haven't got the energy um and yeah but no not currently dating yeah no I think um a lot of us have dating app fatigue for sure I actually went up to someone at um last week at in a wine bar funnily enough and we have a date this weekend so keep updated yeah so yeah I literally went straight up to him and I was like are you single yeah and he was and then I was so taken aback because no one's ever single like around our kind of age it was feels like everyone is taken so yeah I'm quite excited at that real life meet and the thing is with the real life meets the way with text is already different to how you would on a dating app.

So a dating app I find is very much like, what are you looking for? How long have you been on here? Why are you on the apps? What are you looking for? Do you want children? Whereas this has been so natural that we're just in a bit of a crazy conversation

about like some sports that he's doing. And then we're off on lots of different whims rather than trying to suss each other out from an app. Because I got to know for about 10 minutes in real life I saw his charisma and personality yeah so it makes a big difference definitely definitely so we're um going to talk about your experience dating and what led you to write this book Silence by Love just a warning for some listeners there may be well there will be themes in this conversation of uh sexual. So just a little warning for you there. But we're going to talk about your book, Silence By Love.

But first, I just want to talk about your experience dating in your early 20s. Were you quite a relationship kind of person? Yeah. So in my early 20s, I was quite a relationship person. I'd met someone who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, have children with, and all that nice stuff. You know, everything that a girl dreams of when she's a little girl, and she wants this, and she wants that, and she wants the career. Nice family. But yeah, it didn't quite go to plan. I've got a daughter now and I was engaged. It was quite short lived.

It, you know, sort of I went through heartbreak and cheating and things like that and loads of toxicity and red flags and you name it, I went through it. flags and you name it I went through it um but hey I'm here to tell the tale um it wasn't a nice experience at the time I still feel like I don't claim to be innocent like a completely innocent party in it there was a lot of growing up I had to do at that point um but you know some things I do know and I'm sure my ex-partner would say that I didn't deserve that. So what kind of behaviours were you experiencing within a relationship? So there was cheating. I was being cheated on, you know. There was messages on social media from girls.

And it was pretty, you know, it was proven. You know, she told me too much information where I was like, you can't be lying to me. Like, how do you know that? Do you know what I mean? And that was when I was pregnant. So it was a tough pill to swallow. But, you know, my pregnancy wasn't the most enjoyable

because I was just going through the breakup and stress and everything like that had flags like he was spending more time out the house and like with you know other people when he should be at home with me pregnant pregnant yeah just sitting at home like you know um and yeah just just different things where I look at now like oh like my eyes should have really been open at that point but I was so blindsided by it he'd tell me you know he loves me and he'd never do all that to me and all that and I'm just like it's okay you know we're fine we'll get through this um there was you know um there was some violence

in the relationship um which I'll briefly touch on while I was pregnant as well um it was all reported um and that was the last straw for me I was so I was actually heartbroken so I said I called my mum and I said I can't be with this guy anymore so that was when I decided to walk away. Okay that's a brave step for anyone that has been in a similar kind of situation in a relationship like that to be able to be brave enough to step away what do you think you had that courage because of knowing that you were going to be a mum what do you think really brought on that courage for you yeah I definitely think that it had a big part playing it the fact that I was carrying a child I just didn't want her to grow up in a toxic

environment you know us arguing all the time you know me not being 100% happy, him clearly not being 100% happy. Like I wanted a happy, stable unit for her more than anything. And obviously at that point, and you know, at every point, you know, she's always at the centre of my thoughts. So I had to sort of put her needs and what I wanted for for her first so which you do as a mum yeah and do you think it's an age thing like do you think if you met someone that was treating you like this now it's like not that much older but slightly older do you think that you would you would feel differently about it yeah definitely I think that I would probably probably at the first instant when I had like suspicions or red flags or something wasn't quite right I don't think I'd brush it

under the carpet now I think I would question it um and have that you know adult conversation with them and and just sort of hash it out and just say know, if there's something I'm doing you're not happy with or you're not happy in the relationship, you know, why don't we call it a day? I feel like I have that in me now, like that sort of strength, if you like. It does come with a lot of time and experience. you're when you're younger I do think I'm not saying you're immature but I do think it comes with a lot of life experiences I think you know the ability to actually sit down and address the issue in hand as opposed to just brushing it away because it's probably the easier less hassle option so would you say at any point when it was happening to you you were blaming yourself because that can often be um a problem with kind of victims in that situation can't it yeah so I I did I always questioned myself I always you know thought you know what am I doing wrong

like is it something I've done you know like why I always used to think like well why is this happening to me like all I want is just someone to love me, and just to be happy with someone, and sadly, it wasn't, that wasn't my time, so, but I, yeah, in answer to your question, I did, I always blamed myself, and, and things, and it was only when you're really, you really take a step back from the, the situation, and the relationship, when you're really you really take a step back from the the situation and the relationship you're actually like really like it wasn't what was something you'd done it was you know something they've done and they they shouldn't like treat you like that it's not acceptable yeah so that comes with like healing ultimately doesn't it so I think that's a self-worth thing as well yeah like really being able to leave a situation that you know is not right for you is fully down to yeah maturity but I think knowing

your worth do you feel like you're there now um I feel like I still have a way to go but I definitely can see so much that I'm you know so much that I've progressed in and I've done a lot of healing and a lot of self-work. And I never used to like being alone. Like I used to feel super, super lonely and it really upset me. But only now, like I just I love my nights at home, like reading, writing, just, you know, I might do a bit of like meditation when my daughter goes to bed or like go somewhere what i enjoy doing go on walks on my own take myself to coffee shops on my own like i'm loving it like i never never thought i would say that but i really am and i feel like

that's come with like being like accepting what's happened and taking it for what it was. And now like putting it towards like growth and how I'd act in certain situations and how, you know, because I probably didn't react in the right way in certain situations. I don't claim to be perfect. I know that I'm not, you know um with like my mental health and things like that I do think sometimes I sabotage things myself and I just think that yeah sometimes I can be a handful but in a good way like I'm a very loving and affectionate person and if I am with someone then they get you know 110% of me all the

time so um it swings and roundabouts really but ultimately um yeah I'm enjoying my own company and growing and my mindset has changed massively um the way I think and the way I feel um because obviously I'm doing therapy as well learning how to deal with different emotions and how to process them like not get to like because I react quite like I'm quite because I'm a fireside obviously um then my first instinct is all guns blazing really and quite like not all up in your face but like I'm just quite heated person sometimes um but that's with my emotions you know it's just out of it comes out of it comes from a good place and it comes from like my heart but like I just project like not anger but like frustration but it's because I feel things because obviously I have borderline personality disorder I feel things so much more intensely than than maybe some other individuals do like

if I love something I really really love and if I don't like something then I really really don't like it there's sort of no in between yeah so but how would you say having that disorder how can you work on that yourself to kind of help a partner when they're with you kind of dealing with that but also how can they help you yeah so I think like maybe talking about it like I used to be it's really funny actually I used to be a closed book so to speak like I wouldn't talk about things if I was feeling something I would withdraw from people from situations everything um but now I'm very very open um and I speak to people that I don't know too well but I'm very very open with them about things I've been through um but yeah it's it's one of those things I definitely think being sort of open and honest with your partner and then

obviously they know then what you're thinking and feeling and in turn they can tell you how you're acting how how it makes them feel so communication is massive I think with when you have borderline personality disorder I feel like it's massive because people it's a very stigmatized and taboo thing you know there's so much to it um like you know your intensity like your mood intensity your up and down moods um your addictive personality like so i can get quite addicted to a person so there i can get quite addicted to a person so there I can get quite addicted to a person so um this is what makes I have like a fear of abandonment right this all makes a lot of sense doesn't it yeah yeah so this is why I struggle to let go so I'm not you know like whereas I think my my sister's quite the opposite I am you know I will send a message

after a message um I don't so much I've got better when I've literally sat down myself and she said Paige don't do that just don't do it you know because you're not going to get a response and in turn it's going to make you more sad and angry um but yeah I I do really struggle like when someone says I don't want to be with you anymore and I'm just like but why are you like and I try and justify why they should be with me um but yeah I'm learning slowly and I think that's why the time on my own has been really good a hundred percent thanks for sharing that because I actually didn't know all of that um and I totally agree with you I actually when I match guys on dating apps if they are like living alone or I know that they've had time on

their own I think it's a massive tick like that is a green flag for me because it means you can be alone and you've dealt with stuff most people have stuff whatever it is it might not be to do with romantic relationships could have been from with stuff. Most people have stuff, whatever it is. It might not be to do with romantic relationships, could have been from like childhood, anything. People have experienced stuff in their life, especially as you get to your late 20s, 30s, people have experienced life. And I think it's really important to, yeah,

just understand and point out, take an accountability, which you're doing, and that's also really good, but also just knowing what you can change next time and what you will and won't accept and knowing that you've got a fear of abandonment is helpful um for your next relationship to know how maybe you'd take it slower or and maybe it will be less intense now because you've you're able to have time on your own and realize you know if someone's going to be with you then really you

shouldn't ever feel abandoned anyway in like healthy relationship I feel like you shouldn't that fight should never be there and a saying that I remind myself all the time is like they should have seen my wear for the first time around yeah and I saw theirs they should have seen mine yeah so that's like really important to highlight, I think. Okay. Since this has all happened, how did putting pen to paper help your experiences, help you deal with your experiences? So I always describe it as, I always think I've been quite a creative person.

So by writing and things like that, I was able to get everything that I was feeling everything that I was thinking just down on paper and it just felt like I'd lifted the weight of the world off my shoulders and just put it down somewhere and it all started off by writing like a few sentences I think and I sent it to my uh a good friend who's also an author and um they said Paige like what are you doing like you have got such a niche and a talent for writing and do you know what funnily enough in school I did love writing my English was just I loved it loved it um so yeah putting pen to paper really really did help me um and I do think like I do think it's been a massive part of like my healing because I'm sort of writing down things that I've

been through and accepting it you know because there was there was a time when obviously when it first happened you're a bit like well why is this person treating me this way? And there's loads of questions, probably never going to get answers to. So to write it down, I'm acknowledging and taking that things have happened and I'm writing it down and it's just getting it out there. It's almost like I'm not chucking it away because I feel like it's a big part of my life, things I've been through. They're life-changing you know and I speak for many other people men women things like this have happened to and I just think you know they they do change your life ultimately um but this was my way to and I think everyone heals differently everyone's you know as an individual everyone

deals with things differently and I feel like this was just my way my way of helping me to heal yeah and I think that acceptance is a key part isn't it yeah I don't know if you'll be able to ever forgive I don't know how you feel about forgiving people in that sense but it's just the acceptance that it happened yeah to sort of move forward yeah just just to say like this happened but it's you know it's not happening now and like your time is not like now and to go forward and and to take things from it like learn from it and you know just different things you know I'm a completely different person now. And I think also not make it your identity as well. Like that isn't all you are.

So I think that's where the acceptance is good because you don't want to make that all you are. It'd be the next person you meet, you wouldn't want to put it on them either. As in, it's important for people to know experiences so they can know how to talk about things with you. But you don't want to go into a relationship expecting it to happen again no like yeah and not only that but I you know I wouldn't want to like I'm talking if I'm talking to someone on a dating app it wouldn't be one of the first things I say like there's so much more to me exactly get to know me

first and then if things materialize further down the line and everything's hunky-dory, then we'll talk nitty-gritty. But apart from that, no. No, absolutely. Yeah, and it's personal, isn't it? Yeah, definitely. You're taking accountability and I think what's always hard is, I mean, you know, people will say, well, you kind of attract what you put out there.

And I agree in that kind of stuff, but then I'm also like, well, horrible things happen to good people so how does that work why why do you think you were attracted to the behavior or why do you think I think it comes from sort of in terms of dating and stuff like I think it comes from like low self-esteem um especially from things that happened to me like many many years ago um I felt like I what you know wasn't worth more than that and I just sort of settled whereas now I'm not being funny I'm not settling for something that are you know that's bottom barrel like well, I'm not worth a text reply. Like, you know, one of them.

But it's come with time. Time and my age, and I've grown up so much, and the fact that I'm a mum now, I sort of look at things now like, yeah, I'm not getting with anyone I wouldn't want to see my daughter with, you know, and treat her, you know, $1,000. A thousand million gazillion dollars. Yeah.

No, exactly. You do have to think like that as well because you wouldn't allow her to be treated like that. So sometimes you have to be like, why would I let myself be treated like that? Likewise, if you go through something and you're being treated like it, but you would tell a friend to get rid. Don't accept that behaviour.

So you do need to make sure that you have these boundaries in place are there about clear boundaries that you've made in your head that you would now take into a next relationship a hundred yeah a hundred percent like I like if they don't text me back like you know I get people's people are busy and they have a life and I work and I'm very busy and I do other commitments outside of work. And obviously I'm a mum as well, which is, you know, very time consuming because it doesn't stop, you know.

It's from when they get up to when they go to bed on repeat. So, yeah, just like, I don't like ignorance. I feel like I wouldn't ignore you if you just don't want to talk to me. I'm a big, like I'm grown up, like I'm grown up girl. I can take it on the chin. Yeah. So, I mean, I'm not a materialistic girl. I never, ever have been, you know, of course I like to look nice and things. And of course every girl wants, you know, the latest, you know know designer shoes and stuff and all that good stuff but ultimately I'm just down to I just want good morals and just someone to like put in the time and the effort and because ultimately I just think relationships you want to connect with

someone and grow with them and have a life together so you take a part of that person a part of you put it together and bob's your uncle do you know what i mean um so i think yeah my next relationship's just someone to be patient with me as well i think because i i do the concern is i do have trust issues i don't know if they'll ever go away I don't know if it's a time thing um but yeah I do I do kind of still have my reservations um I think that's only natural though for like people that have been through you know sensitive things um but um yeah I guess like if I meet my person and the right person for me, I guess it won't be there. Like you won't necessarily have the trust issues

because they'll be reassuring and you'll speak to them and they'll know all about you. Yeah. And again, it's like taking that accountability but not putting it on the person. Yeah. And just, again, it's communication. If they're going out and

you're feeling a little bit like oh haven't heard from them for x amount of time just a conversation that's like i'd really appreciate if you just text me when you get home yeah like and it's those small things that there are people out there that do do that for their partner sometimes i don't even have to ask yeah but there are people that do do that and that's just where it comes to like not settling i have dated someone and it's the person I spoke about in the breakup episode in season one we had completely different like love languages we were just like this like just clashing because I just just needed words from him like words of affirmation he just wouldn't ever compromise see if I would be like oh would you just let me know when you're home I'd he never would and I'm not even talking from a

night out I'm just meaning like home from the airport or something when it's really late and he wouldn't i'm like are you home and he'd be like yeah two hours ago well i did ask you so why couldn't you just let me know yeah it's not hard these things no it's just whether someone wants to do it enough exactly but let's face it you've got two minutes whilst brushing your teeth yeah you've got two minutes before you start your engine on your car like there's so much time i'm sorry but it takes two seconds like i mean i always said this before but it takes two seconds to reply to a text you have the time to go on social media and post a tweet do you know what i mean and write a facebook status like yeah and like your friends post so can you not just you've bought coffee today, haven't you? You've got time. 100%. Just to check in. Hey, how are you?

Okay. When it comes to having a daughter, being a single mum, actually, which you're still really young to be a single mum, really, as well. Yeah. How much are you kind of willing to tell your daughter when she's old enough? Like, how will this be a conversation? tell your daughter when she's old enough like how will this be a conversation you know they'll they learn different things and there'll be conversations between her and her friends and I'm sure it will spark questions um me and my daughter we have such an amazing bond like I call her my mini me um and I'm so ever so proud of her and I hope one day she watches this back and just listens because she really did.

As cliche as it sounds, like she really did save me at a point where I felt like I needed it. And she gave me that purpose and she always gives me that fight every day just to carry on and just to keep like speaking my truth and just just being me and just to keep trying. speaking my truth and just just being me and just to keep trying and if you know I fail at something or things don't go quite right just try again you know don't be so disheartened so yeah she's I know it's it is it has been hard it hasn't been without hardships being a single mum you know I was single mum at 22 um and I'm you know 27 now so um it's come with a lot of growing up a lot of maturing life changes completely I can't just go out anymore you know Friday Saturday nights can't just pop to the gym like I have to have a sitter um or you know one of my family they they're great support so they sort of help me out she's got an amazing auntie and uncle and and and grandparents obviously on my mum's side um and um you know my dad as well so um in terms

of like my family I'm not short of people to ask you know they're all still very much there for me and her so um but yeah it has been hard it's been been challenging. When I first had her, I had really bad postnatal depression. I think it was a mixture of obviously the breakup and being in hospital and having my baby on my own and there'll be loads of couples. It was very overwhelming because I was like, that's what I wanted, you know? Yeah. Like, because I was like, that's what I wanted, you know? Yeah. So it was hard for me at that point. But at that point, when I felt really down, you know, that's when I needed, I felt like I needed to get help,

like, for the sake of me and for her as well. Like, I wanted to be the best mum that I could be and hopefully, like, this far, hopefully I, you know, done well by her. You know what? Everything happens for a reason. And maybe, although the relationship didn't work out with the person, there was a reason a daughter came from that relationship. Yeah.

And maybe it was always to get you through and to fight you through everything you'd been through in the relationship. Yeah. So that's quite a nice thought. Yeah, definitely. through in the relationship yeah that's quite a nice thought yeah definitely um and going on to the therapy then a little bit how has therapy helped you it's nice so one-to-one is quite like nice because you have that one-to-one time with someone and just them saying like page like how you're feeling is completely normal and OK. And, you know, don't feel bad about it.

We just need to learn how to deal with your emotions and embrace it all at the same time. Obviously, group therapy is hopefully going to be nice because it's going to be all people that are just like me, that have a borderline personality disorder. We're all just going to be talking and like all just get it we'll all just vibe and all just yeah I've been through that I've been through that too so it's it's nice to share my experience with a lot of people do you think there's stigmas when it comes to like dating when it does come to a point where you perhaps have a conversation that you've got um board line personality disorder are there stigmas with that I definitely think

there are because I think I mean like oh god this girl's a nutter or you know she's gonna be hard work and things like that but I feel like when I meet the right person they will put that time and understanding into our relationship and and just take me for as i am it's not all i am it's just a part of me like a minute part exactly again not identifying with that one thing and actually feeling those intense most emotions because of fit also has lots of plus sides on the other end like really caring qualities and things like that um okay well we've got your book in front of you silence by love so basically everything you've been through, which of course we haven't got time to cover in a whole episode,

but accumulated into a three-part book. It starts with Silence by Love and it speaks about toxic relationships for Soph. That's my main character name. And yeah, it starts with Silence by Love and then the second one, Silence by by love and then the second one silence by fear and then the third one will be breaking the silence where she'll talk about healing and opening up and the fact that she's like came through the darkness and like into the light

like that's the end goal like a nice ending that's lovely and is it talking from sophie's point of view you know it's not i'm speaking from personal experience but it's obviously fictional characters so but yeah it's um it's good it goes through a lot you know hopefully it resonates with a lot of ladies or gentlemen who have been through um similar things and um yeah obviously i just you know I want it to like open people's eyes a bit to the fact that these things are still very much happening and um yeah just like if people are like going through it like to know that I haven't always been this open but now I am and I just want to help other people tell their stories

and know that it's okay and they're not on their own what has allowed you to be so open do you think why are you not afraid to be open about it it's just made me such a stronger person a more stronger minded person like stronger willed like I just like I know I have a purpose in life for greater things and I think like with my life experiences and things I've been through I feel like yeah like this is like I want to help other people like because it's it's quite scary actually Daisy like how many people do go through these things in relationships out relationships you know all the things that are covered in the book are very sensitive and the book is you know to put it out there it's very very raw um and um

yeah it's it's i would say it's a it is a tough read you know um but um to know that there's a good ending and you know she she does come back from everything she's been through 10 times stronger and she then comes out and tells her story and she's not not afraid about it because it's part of who she is would you read us a little bit um yeah let me see okay this is chapter seven so playing with fire as the two sat in the car silent soph as still as a statue she questioned everything in her head who was he why did he react so badly was he going to take her home hours passed and still not a word past their mouth ryan clenched his fists and then unclenched them again his breathing getting

heavier with every passing moment and then oh my gosh okay yeah a lot of cliffhangers yeah um they're quite small books but but but like i feel like that's how life's been although it's been a whirlwind i feel like it's gone bam bam like bam, bam, like quick, in a sense. And I wanted to put that into books. And also, I know, you know, I speak for myself, and I'm sure I speak for loads of other people. I'm giving you a Harry Potter book.

I love Harry Potter. They're massive, aren't they? Really, really big. So these are quite small. Actually, they're called like, I think there's a word for them, book zines or something yeah or something like that so they are quite thin um but hopefully when third's out um hopefully later this year then i'll put them all into one so they'll just be three big chapters but there'll be three little books if you know what i mean so yeah all

exciting all very exciting were you scared about people reading these in terms of like maybe friends that don't know the full story or were you worried about like there is that nakedness to sharing like this yeah it's very um very personal um you're literally welcoming everyone with open arms into your life um but at the same time like I'm not ashamed like I don't feel any malice or bad for what's happened and yeah I just I just think like I need to, like, this is what I wanted to do. I wanted to raise awareness. And I will keep doing that. You know, people are going to read it.

It's not going to be for everyone. You know, I've had quite, you know, mainly really positive feedback. You have one or two people. It's like a song, isn't it? You listen to every song. You don't like every single song out there. Some do your nutting like but some some you love and you know it's the same as a book that's the thing i think with being creative absolutely yeah and i guess it can help lots of different kind of people's

people that have been through similar and you said as well all genders but also maybe someone that is dating someone that's been through this and they just want to understand some of the emotions that they might have felt when when that person didn't know you yeah like I think when I read this book I just feel all the emotions all over again like it really lets you jump into the book and like feel everything that's being spoke about. So, yeah, so I think in that sense it's good and positive. If you could go, if you could now tell, like, 22-year-old Paige, give her some advice, do you know what it would be? To don't be so hard on yourself is probably my main one.

You know, cut yourself some slack you're gonna have bad days you're gonna have good days you know you're gonna but you're gonna work hard you're gonna achieve things in the end if you know i always think like rome wasn't built in a day so just carry on you know the storm will pass the storm will pass and we're dealt cards in life and these were mine and now I'm okay with it. That's so nice. I think that acceptance, where you've got to with that is, I think really that's been a theme this whole episode. And perhaps if someone hasn't quite accepted behaviour in their past, maybe that can be their aim going forward, because it seems that that's the only thing that seems to be able to propel you into moving on. Yeah, I mean, I definitely, I think now, like, I'm just ready for more and other things and a life, a beautiful life. I'm sure I've got ahead of me with my little girl. You know, she's, yeah, it's been amazing, like, with her this far, but now she's five,

she's got a little personality, very sassy. Mum always says to me, I wonder where she gets that from? Yeah, I'm not sure. But, yeah, no, I'm just so ready. Like, this is my time to let go of that and and move forward so well thank you for sharing your story and of course people want to find out more than there's um there's books that'll give them a little bit more of an insight first of all I always have a finale question on

the podcast to end the episode and I just want to know from you your healing is very much an ongoing process we all know that. So you're kind of still going to therapy. You're also talking about it and helping others. What would be your ideal situation now? Would you like, obviously, if it was the right one, would you like a partner and what would they look like? Like what would their kind of qualities be that you're looking for right now?

I think at the minute, I'm going to be completely honest honest i think at the minute i'm not ready for a partner you know what that's so healthy that you can get that though yeah i'm not ready for a partner at the minute i think honey just time me my daughter time with like my healing and concentrating on myself my own life like much like yourself i work blooming hard so i'm not entirely sure i can give a part of the time at the minute you know but one day i feel like i will be there and what do i feel them looking like like family man nice make me laugh that's a bonus um just caring attributes just spend time with me i'm not asking you for louis vuitton purse but i wouldn't mind um but i am you know asking you for for that time and some honesty and and just really basic things really i don't ask for much yeah the bar is low yeah um yeah kind is what we're going for here yeah um but no i think it's it's really great

to acknowledge that you still need that time on your own that's good well thank you for joining me where can people follow you and find the book okay so the book is on amazon so if you just literally type in silence by love written by page spittle and um'm on Instagram Paige Spittel Official and Twitter it's at pls underscore underscore xx. Fantastic and you can follow the Daisy Dates podcast wherever you go to listen of course you can watch on YouTube follow on Instagram Daisy Dates podcast and the TikTok page as well and of course I'm Daisy Bell on TikTok. Thank you so much for joining me and I'll see you next time.