Daisie Dates - EP19| MY advice to you!

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Hey! This week, I'm giving MY advice to YOU! I am training to be a counsellor and psychotherapist and next Summer will be a practicing hypnotherapist, too - so eventually, I can't wait to give advice with weight and really delve deeper, with my qualifications allowing me to do so! For now, we all love the goss, we all love chatting about dating, so here's some advice on your questions so far! You can send your dating dilemmas, issues and questions to: Insta: @daisiedatespodcast & the Daisie Dates Facebook Group, too! P.S This is a relationships and dating podcast which is in the podcast charts. I cover mindset, heartbreak, rewiring thoughts and we chat all things finding love, aswell as finding ways for being happy single and embracing dating, choosing to not date at all or just having fun!  Follow everywhere Insta: @daisiedatespodcast and @daisiebelle TikTok: @daisiebelle6 @daisiedatespodcast PLEASE like and subscribe or leave a review - every little helps and this podcast is produced, presented, filmed and edited by me. Enjoy the episode!! Dais xo

Hello, welcome back to another episode of the Daisy Dates podcast where I talk all things dating, mindset, heartbreak, love, relationships, being in love, falling out of love and maybe even navigating this whole thing that is this modern dating world. I'm Daisy, thank you for joining me here and if you haven't do go back and catch up on some previous episodes. here and if you haven't do go back and catch up on some previous episodes this is episode 19 and well I'm giving some advice now of course this is from my own personal experience um I am training to be a counsellor and psychotherapist so hopefully in future I can offer advice with a little bit more weight but for now this is due to personal experience so obviously you're allowed your own opinion and you know what I'd love you to help me come up with some of this advice as well.

So always feel free to slide in the DMs with your ideas, thoughts, and if you need advice as well. Because, well, we all love a good bit of dating advice. And sometimes we need it to be unbiased, right? Not from our friendship circle, family, or friends. So I've got questions that people have asked me over on the Daisy Dates podcast Instagram page. And I've also got the Daisy Dates Facebook group that people write advice to. Now, if you're new here, Daisy Dates Facebook group was designed so that women all over the UK can meet up and make more friends and expand their friendship groups. Now this was so,

you know, for single people to expand their friendship groups, to go out more, to hopefully be able to have a better chance of meeting people in real life. But it's not just for single people. Obviously people in relationships like to expand their friendship groups as well. And you know, if you've got a partner that plays golf all day on a Saturday, which a lot of guys like to play sport, don't they? On a Saturday, then why not expand the friendship group if all your friends have kids or whatever? So that's what a day's dates Facebook group is for. There's lots of people from all over the UK that have made solid friendship groups from it, which is so lovely. But actually, the group on Facebook has predominantly turned into a big kind of group of everyone giving advice. Everyone is so supportive

and lovely to each other. It's a really nice community there's like almost 2 000 women in there and you can obviously post anonymously should you wish to so please do go and take a look but for now let's answer some of your questions okay so um a lot of these are anonymous as well i don't need to out anybody but someone's said you know what do you do if someone's asked you on a date on a Saturday? You've said, yes, I can do next weekend. You've kind of spoken for that whole weekend. The conversation's continued, but it's gotten to the week of the date. So you've said next weekend and now it's, you know, Wednesday and you haven't heard from him. This person says, should I be contacting him first to confirm when I'm free or should he be making the conversation and contacting me first we're friends on Facebook we have mutual friends he's watching my Instagram stories but

it's not confirmed a plan how do I broach this situation we've got mutual friends he seems keen but I've not heard from him okay so usually I would have no issues just being like hey just following up do you still fancy that date on Friday or Saturday and then you've taken ownership if they don't reply you know that that's not it you can forget about it you can put it in the past and you can just like move on get another date or um it also means that you're taking control of your life you're letting life happen you know for you not to you if this person just ignores you all week that's quite annoying and can leave you with a lot of questions therefore if you just kind of nip it in the bud you ask the question they can give you the answer then you know what's what however since meeting my current partner I am

also like in the last episode you'll hear how he did kind of pursue me and I don't mean in a horrible like way that he had to chase me because I made him chase nothing like that I just mean he met me at a very busy time in my life I was like um navigating lots of new freelance work and I was just very busy and he although I went up to him in real life he pursued me every time you know every time after a date before our next date I always knew when I was going to see him again where we were going to be seeing each other again and what time and I've said this to his face like if it wasn't for that I don't know if we would have gone this far because it was a very busy time for me and had he not texted me like hey you're on Saturday 7 p.m I could have

easily have like just let it slip in the background forget like move on you know maybe bump into someone else and meet them out you know ask them out in real life or swiped on the app one day when I was free that could have easily happened um and obviously I'm glad it didn't but it was was genuinely because I was so busy and had he not just like I don't want to say reminded me but obviously we'd only been on like one two dates you know it wasn't a big deal by this point obviously as we were further in like five six seven eight dates I knew that I wanted to see him and I was making the plans too but I mean in that one to five dates that early stages of dating

he was making sure that I knew when I saw him again and that was very helpful for me who was busy and I liked that. And you know what? In my new current mindset, after meeting this new person and having a guy pursue me, which is so unusual for me, I've always done the pursuing

and making sure, how about 7pm on Saturday? But you know what? They say guys are natural hunters and we're meant to let them be that natural hunters and we're meant to let them be like that masculine energy and we're meant to sit in our feminine energy now don't get me wrong some of that when we read it online I'm it I'm like no no one should be listening to this like it's crazy to think that a girl has to be like completely feminine therefore like it's it's bad for a girl to want a career and all this stuff I do not agree with that if you're if you're career-minded if you work a lot if you have these what what we call masculine

energy traits that's absolutely fine I'm very masculine that way I will hold heavy bags I'll put my chest of drawers together I will do that stuff however I do think in this pursuing stage and this is only since kind of dating my partner now that I've kind of learned, yeah, okay, yeah, they are meant to pursue us. And it does work when they pursue. When they pursue, you know they actually want you. And you instantly get that confidence that comes with someone wanting to see you, you know, and booking in that date. And because of that, it just made me like him more. So I was like

he's been so masculine right now you know he's that therefore I was sitting in my feminine energy and going on dates and being pursued and yeah I'm not sure I've really had that experience before so for this one I'm gonna say you know what if he's looking on your Instagram story he's on his phone right therefore you know he's seeing what you're doing. He would have just asked you if he really wanted to. I am a little bit now, like you, you do, you can't think you're going to meet someone by taking action and just sitting around. But also I do think when a guy actually really does want to see you, they will ask ask you and maybe that mindset for me has come since you know being pursued properly by the person I'm currently with but that's going to

be my advice today hopefully that's helpful okay next one anonymous she says hey um it's been a bit of a quiet year with not much action if you you get my drift. Tonight I'm going for Netflix and chill with an old flame and I'm quite terrified. I've gained weight, not feeling overly sexy. You know, I can't hide the location where my fat has kind of come. How do we go about this? You know, you can get a few drinks down you, can't you? She said, turn the lights off, Dutch courage. But any tips on how not to care

that you're feeling maybe a bit larger you know that you just feel like you haven't been naked in front of someone else in a little while she's put I know he won't care I know to love myself but practical advice is going to allow me to have a bit of fun without the need to you know just hide and feel a bit rubbish. I think with this, it is about self-love, but that is easier said than done, isn't it? You can still love yourself, but still have these moments where you're like, but I feel flabby, or my love handles are extra big today.

I think you've just got to remember that everyone ultimately feels the same. Like, I don't think there could be anyone, even if they smash the gym every day of their lives, which, you know, if they're eating chicken and rice and smashing the gym every day of their lives do you want to they're probably not going to be the fun person to just have a Saturday night with anyway do you know what I mean no um but what I mean is like even if someone smashes the gym I still think they'd be in a situation where they think oh I'm not really feeling overly amazing tonight like that this is just human I think you've just got to like enjoy the company if think they'd be in a situation where they think oh I'm not really feeling overly amazing tonight

like that this is just human I think you've just got to like enjoy the company if you're both going knowing exactly what it is then just embrace that like just it is just about having fun isn't it and I think you know fairy tales and tv make you think that it's this overly sexy act. And sometimes, like, having sex isn't overly sexy. Obviously, it feels great. Well, it should for both parties, obviously. But sometimes it isn't that sexy. Like, sometimes you've got your socks on and sometimes you've just woken up in the morning and you think you have morning breath, but maybe when you're actually, you know,

when you're partners and stuff, you don't care about stuff like that. It's not this overly sexy thing where when it appears so sexy and hot in films, it isn't. Sometimes, you know, the bra doesn't come off. The top takes a while to get over the head. You don't want to get lipstick on your white dress. All of this stuff. It isn't always sexy. And I think you've just got to accept that as well, right?

Someone did respond to this on the Daisy Dates Facebook group and someone literally said you know he's got a woman coming over and he knows the deal you've literally made his Christmas and it isn't even December um no have no regrets have no regrets and I think that's really good advice it's just about you know just letting go and just it is what it is isn't it there's been more advice on the more practical side like maybe having a quick wax can make you feel a bit better if if you're someone that does that slap on some fake tan that can make you feel a bit better which is so true like I always feel a bit better when my skin feels a little bit more

glowy you know and I don't feel like I'm literally as white as a ghost. I think, you know, at the end of the day, you've just got to remember that it is about the person and not the body. Do you know what I mean? When you're actually attracted to someone, it's the person that's going to treat you nicely in these situations. It isn't just about bodies and bodies are bodies. And I'm so over like online and mannequins making us feel like we need to be these stick thin people to wear sexy lingerie or to be sexy. Like everyone's different shapes and sizes. And as long as you're looking after yourself and you feel good in yourself and that's your healthy, then just absolutely embrace it. And if you're a guy listening as well the same thing it's just about embracing what you've got you know so someone's put in the day's dates group would it put you off if someone didn't drive okay now I would say that this is something that definitely I would have been like yeah absolutely no like for lifestyle reasons that's quite annoying however I do think you know again this this is all down to

not having so much of a list that you're restricting who you actually meet so having on your list I can't date someone that doesn't drive I, I think it's quite rare if you're at a certain age to meet someone that doesn't drive, unless you live in big cities and stuff. However, you do have to think, if this person is treating you like an absolute princess, are you actually not going to date them because they don't drive? So I think you've got to think about it from there,

not be turned off by it like an ick, even though, yeah, there's definitely times I turned off by it like an ick even though yeah there's definitely times I would have seen that as an ick but if you've met the kindest loveliest guy that's treating you really well are you gonna get rid of them because they can't drive however I think you need to think about practical reasons as well like if you have children and they would need picking up from school and you need a car and are you going to be traveling to them all the time like if they're not living around the corner from you that's a lot of petrol for you and a lot of effort and it means you would always have to stay at theirs unless you're going to pick them up and bring them back

to yours so I think practicality it isn't great but I think if you're looking at it from a way that is this an ick then I spoke about in the last episode riding the wave and trying to get over that immature mindset of this is Nick this is Nick and you know trying to be practical about it if you've got someone great in front of you are you gonna let him go because of a thing that could potentially change in the future like someone could learn to drive okay the next question was someone that dm'd me on instagram on daisy dates podcast and said okay daisy so i've been dating someone and it is long distance which isn't ideal we've grown quite close though but actually i've been talking to someone at work who is a friend we talk about our dating lives to each other all the time, but we've also grown a little bit close. And he's told me that he likes me.

What do I do? What do I pursue? Okay, so I didn't know how many dates this person had been on with long distance guy. However, if you have been on one to three dates, and again, I never would have said this before, but I am saying this now. You are allowed, and I'm not saying am saying this now, like you are allowed, and I'm not saying be a massive player, but you are allowed to date multiple people. And I mean, as long as everyone is fully aware of that. And as long as you're not literally, you know, being unsafe for everyone else, like walk-in coffee dates, you could go on, you know, a coffee date with Tim on Monday you're then also allowed to go for a coffee with Jack on a Friday do you know I mean there's there's not a problem with

that if you're in the one to three dates if you're past three even maybe two for some people but if you're past the third date with someone I think you owe them more respect than going on like dates with other people that is my personal opinion though and there'd be loads of people that do disagree with that and think that you don't owe anyone anything. But I think as long as everyone's on an open book and if they were to ask you, have you been on any more dates?

You were like, yeah, actually yesterday I went on a coffee date with someone. I think as long as you're being safe of everything and you're an open book, then you are allowed to experiment here and just see what going on a date with the person at work would be like. However, you need to think about dating someone at work,

which was episode one of this whole podcast. When that ends, how awkward is that? I never thought that someone that I was friends with at work would treat me the way that they did. Like, he cheated on me literally days after posted with another girl and had a tattoo with her like this is insane this all came out in February this year so we were friends for two years we dated at work he was lovely and I was like you know what he's gonna treat me well because he's been a friend he's heard all my dating stories he He knows what I've been through. He's not going to be one of them guys.

And God, them ones are always the worst, right? So if you listen back to episode one, it's quite the story. Dating my colleague, it's called. But yeah, basically, after we called it off, three months of dating. Yeah, he had a girlfriend and he posted having a tattoo with this girl like days after so it was definitely a crossover so you then it was awkward for a little while I mean he he let he left our workplace in the end he was always leaving it wasn't because of me he knew he was leaving so maybe that's why he felt he could act the way that he did but I think you do have to think about

how it would affect your work life if you like, you know, if you're both not going to be leaving the job anytime soon. How could that affect it? Also, you need to think about if you're looking elsewhere and your eyes are opening up to other people when you're doing long distance, maybe long distance isn't for you. Long distance is effort. It is. And I know I have a great friend that did long distance for most of her relationship. And, you know, almost 10, I think almost 10 years of their relationship, if not more. They did long distance.

They're now happily married with a beautiful baby. And they're a solid team. But they were both those kind of people that they were never going to look elsewhere. They were fully committed from day one. And I think you need to be fully committed. Like you need to know that they're the right person for you. If you're going to do long distance, you need to be fully committed like you need to know that they're the right person for you if you're going to do long distance you need to be really sure and I think that pressure gets added to it as well like if we're going to be making this much effort we need to

be really sure on each other so maybe long distance just isn't for you as a person but yeah I think going back to you know testing the waters you are allowed to go on dates with other people when you're in that beginning stage but I think as long as you've got respect there for absolutely everyone, then you are allowed to do that. Personally, I never really dated multiple, well, I didn't date multiple people at once. But when I met my current boyfriend now, after our second date, I did bump into someone that I thought was maybe more my type just because he was a tradie. And I, you know, in my head, that was more someone my type. So I was like, let's just go on a coffee date one lunchtime. We literally did 40 minutes of walking around the block and had a coffee. And

oh my God, that 40 minutes with this person was enough to know that they were totally not right for me. They were immature, you know, um, you know, they smoked and I can't stand the smell and that is quite a big thing. If you don't, you know, if you don't want someone to smoke or someone to be spending their money on stuff like that, that's quite a big thing. There was just so many things that I was like, no, this person is not for me.

I found out he was like three years younger than me, which I just weren't keen on either. And yeah, going on that date, well, is it a date? Just a walk and talk it was very casual we've just you know after only two dates with my current boyfriend now it made me realize actually no I'm on the right path like I am dating the person that I should be dating um so in fact it did make me see who I should be dating and if anything, it made my current boyfriend's traits and how he treats me stand out way more. And I was like, yeah, I know that I've met a really great guy. So it wasn't me testing the waters, don't get me wrong.

But I just thought I'm just going to go on this one date because we've only been on two dates so far and I'm going on a walking date. I'm not doing anyone harm by doing that. But yeah, after that one walking date, I was like, no. And then I committed to like solidly by the third date, I'm not doing anyone harm by doing that. But yeah, after that one walking date, I was like, no. And then I committed to like solidly, by the third date, I was solidly only dating my partner. I would never have went on a date with anyone else after three dates because I think that's disrespectful at that point.

That's my opinion though. But sometimes, yeah, it can be helpful to see what you really don't want in someone and to see what you really do want in someone as well. So I hope that that's been relatively helpful. I'm going to do loads more of these advice snippets because I like them and I hope you do too. You can get in touch, join the Days Dates Facebook group,

which is only for women. It was just a place for like a women's safe space, but everywhere else is open to everyone and all genders as well. So you can give me a follow on Daisy Dates podcast on Instagram and TikTok. And you can follow me personally as well, Daisy Bell on Instagram and Daisy Bell 6 on TikTok. Always slide into my DMs if ever you have a question or want any advice. I always reply to my DMs. I do always see them. I go in the message requests and I'll see them all. And I'll see you next time for another episode of the Daisy Dates podcast and actually the next episode will be episode 20

which will complete season two of the Daisy Dates podcast we'll be back in the new year for season three and I'm so excited