Daisie Dates - EP23| Chatting to MULTIPLE people... should we?

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Hey you, welcome back! This feels like quite a NAKED episode to be honest. In this episode, I chat about my views on 'chatting to multiple people in the dating stage...' there's so many different opinions on this, so it really varies from person to person... I share my most recent experience with you in this episode! Enjoy & remember to rate it if you like it! You can send your dating dilemmas, issues and questions to: Insta: @daisiedatespodcast & the Daisie Dates Facebook Group, too! P.S This is a relationships and dating podcast which is in the podcast charts. I cover mindset, heartbreak, rewiring thoughts and we chat all things finding love, as well as finding ways for being happy single and embracing dating, choosing to not date at all or just having fun!  Follow everywhere Insta: @daisiedatespodcast and @daisiebelleTikTok: @daisiebelle6 @daisiedatespodcast PLEASE like and subscribe or leave a review - every little helps and this podcast is produced, presented, filmed and edited by me. Dais xo Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/trendsetter License code: LOJFPKHPIFJ6SSNE

Hey guys, welcome to the Daisy Dates podcast where I talk all things dating mindset, heartbreak, dating apps, relationships and absolutely everything in between. I'm Daisy, I'm your host. Welcome if it's your first time here. If it is, please go back and listen to all of the other episodes. If it's not, a massive warm welcome back. And well, this episode I wanted to talk about the rules on talking to other people when you're dating someone. This is a weird one, isn't it? Because my views always change on this, if I'm really honest. And it's kind of changed, I guess, depending on the excuses that I give myself sometimes. But let's just go off the advice I'm going to give you based on my most

recent experience, which was when I was dating my current boyfriend and kind of talking to other people as well. So I was just in a really different mindset, I think, when I met my partner. And that's because I'd seen a lot of people on socials be like, you should be, you know, talking to multiple people at once. You shouldn't be kind of putting all your eggs in one basket. And it, and it used to get to me because I'd be like you should be you know talking to multiple people at once you shouldn't be kind of putting all your eggs in one basket and it and it used to get to me because I'd be like I've always put my eggs in one basket I've always done that always and forever but also I am a loyal a loyal genuine person and I will never be able to go out there and date multiple people at once and I wouldn't like it if it's if it was done to me it's been done to me loads and loads and loads and actually it's in in this season that I'm really gonna talk about a lot of personal stories

like that that I've not really shared properly before so definitely follow and like the podcast to stay tuned with all of those dramas but real life stories but basically I took on some advice and I was like yeah maybe I should just be making sure that I'm not deleting the apps too soon after dating someone so you know if you've been on three good dates that doesn't mean that it is going to go somewhere it used to like I think it used to 15 years ago it doesn't anymore I don't think it does anymore it doesn't really mean anything you could have a great dating experience for like six months and it still doesn't necessarily mean that they want you to be your girlfriend or boyfriend so yeah I don't think it means anything anymore so to like delete apps after three good dates or to just you know get rid of anyone else

that you're talking to after three good dates with someone I don't think it is the way to go but I do think that you've also got to be really respectful so when I started dating my partner and we had a really weird first date really like we were gonna I think he arranged it and we were gonna go for drinks but in the end his friend called and there was a good local festival on it was like summer like end of August I think and he was like do you fancy going to this festival now it's a festival I've always wanted to festival on. It was like summer, like end of August, I think. And he was like, do you fancy going to this festival? Now, it was a festival I've always wanted to go to. So I was like, yeah, it was free tickets.

Go with your friends. I was like, friends are going. That's kind of annoying. But hey. So I went. And it was good. And we definitely went home together that night but we were both very drunk like I think we'd literally had like two bottles of wine each look gross um so we were very drunk and then

the next day like he texted me and then there was another date arranged but you know I wasn't like oh this is gonna go somewhere because of how our first date was really like I just thought oh we both kind of got from it what we needed we both liked each other we definitely fancied each other it was fun but it is what it is kind of thing and I I was just I guess really chilled with with dating at this current point in my life I think like work was going so well I was just in a good space I guess that I wasn't needing that constant kind of to be texting someone to be feeling like someone likes me I just wasn't requiring that that validation I guess so anyway we went on a second date and I was like oh this is actually quite cool and then he suggested a third date and I was like oh god this hasn't happened in ages like a third date wow it's quite impressive

these days yeah like if you both actually want to go on a third date in my personal opinion anyway so I was like okay cool anyway I had gone up to him in real life uh there's again going to be more in-depth episodes on that kind of thing if you want it um but I went up to him in real life in a like wine bar and I when I say wine bar it was like a daytime bar so it was like daylight it was quite chilled it was like a daytime bar so it was like daylight it was quite chilled it was like two o'clock in the day do you know what I mean um perhaps not as pressured as an evening kind of one where there's lots of people around type things so that was kind of the environment anyway and I'd been talking a lot on my TikTok about going up to people in

real life I'd been giving you guys advice on my TikTok to go up to people in real life I'd been giving you guys advice on my TikTok to go up to people in real life so I was just minding my own business one day and I was texting my partner you know we were texting quite frequently between our dates and we were due to go on a third date that weekend now we're on like a Tuesday we've been on two dates we're on a Tuesday and I'm walking on my break after work and it's sunny and there was like a tradie painting the outside of a building and he looked fit so I kind of like looked at him and I was like god he's fit then I looked back at him and he had kind of paused painting and he took one step off his ladder and he smirked and he smiled and he looked like he was gonna come up to me so I kind of paused for a second there was a beat just

like that and then he resumed so I was like oh then I I think I went into a coffee shop or this little museum place did what I had to do and on my way back he caught my eye and I'm now walking towards him on the same side of the road so I was like oh I've got to say something because he won't because they never do I feel like no one goes up to each other anymore I'm just going to take him with the team I talk about it all the time on my TikTok how can I not do it you know got to say something because he won't because they never do I feel like no one goes up to each other anymore I'm just going to take with the team I talk about it all the time my TikTok how can I not do it you know got to stick to my own advice so I was like oh you are you going to ask for my number or what like something so confident it I don't think it was actually that that is very confident but it was something along the lines of are you gonna get off your ladder and talk to me

or what it was something playful like that. He stepped down. I was like, wait, before you actually do talk to me, are you single? Because that's one of the first things I always check first. And then he was like, yeah, and then we swapped numbers. And I didn't find out a lot about him. Like, obviously, this is passing in the street. I'm heading back to work. Literally, we must have spoken for like two minutes.

There were some people driving past that were kind of smirking because it was like at traffic lights and they'd seen what happened. That was quite fun. Anyway, he texts me straight after. We arranged a walk-in date literally the next day at lunchtime. When I say a walk-in date, literally half an hour. We went to a bakery, grabbed a cake and a hot chocolate. I don't think he even had a cake because he was all into his fitness.

And so I'm just scoffing this cake, walking walking and I learned that he's a few years younger so he was 25 which is like yeah four four years younger um and I was just a bit like puts me off but he was talking about going like magaluf with his friends now he'd never been away but he's not sure if he's got the finances to do it and there was I was just a bit like oh no like this feels a lot younger than I am and even though it wasn't heaps younger and I'm sure many people my age date 25 year olds and it's fine the good thing that I got out of going for this 30 minute walk was a it didn't take up a lot of my time so if you listened to episode 10 of season two I spoke about expectations and cutting you know not well cutting dates short shorter but not having huge expectations of like dinner on a first date and just you know cutting it down to just a simple coffee or walk so it didn't take

up much of my time when it was a you know felt like a complete waste because I was like this guy's so not for me I am so not for him um he was quite keen actually even though I really I was not for him like I I just wasn't I really wasn't for him and yeah um I think he was just a bit excited that you know I'd gone up to him he probably felt quite flattered blah blah blah blah blah so he texts me a few times wanting to meet up and in the end I just put like I'm so sorry like I am dating someone else now um I don't feel like we we clicked like I would want to and I did send that text but what was good about this was that it really showed me that the person I'd been on two dates with which is my current boyfriend was actually really quite right for me. Like, you know, we're the same age.

We had way more things in common, way more ducks in a row. A lot of our, a lot, well, a lot of the things we want in life align. For example, with the 25-year-old within a 30-minute walk, I found out that, you know, kids were so far away from him. He's 25. He can have, like, another 10-15 years before he's even thinking about kids but I think I was 28 at the time but now I'm 29 I you know cannot realistically be waiting 10 years to start thinking about family like this is in the next few years

that I need to be thinking about it and so this my current partner I'm sorry I'm trying so hard to not say his name my current partner um I you know a lot of our things aligned like I knew also he wanted kids not right now but definitely saw himself with kids in the next few years and so there's just so many things that like came came together like like a puzzle and so it was after so it was just before going on a third date that I was like okay yeah like I'm gonna like really stick with this person and see how it goes and like not approach anyone else that I see to give this guy the ultimate chance. When I say that, that makes me sound really pretentious, doesn't it? But you know what I mean?

When I say ultimate chance, I just mean you could look forever at people and if you really go out of your way, you could constantly be finding people to go on dates with. At the end of the day, it comes down to a choice that you make about picking one person and choosing them until it doesn't feel right anymore or you don't like it anymore or you realize that you don't align but it is a choice like you do have to make a choice else you could constantly just be finding new people to date so I made that choice then to be like right I did go up to someone else in real life and I really wanted to do that for me like I was really going into dating this time around like I'm not going to put my eggs in one basket I did that I kind of went up to you know another guy

after two dates my current boyfriend um but yeah before the third day I was like I really want to give this chance so then I wasn't going out of my way to message anyone else that messaged me and if I did get any dms on instagram wherever I was also saw I'm seeing someone I'm gonna see how it goes you know if anything happens like I'll I'll check back in see if he's still up for it if you're not doing someone it was it was that kind of vibe and that worked out really well for me he's now my boyfriend um and actually it's quite funny because recently we were talking about this and I had done a TikTok about having gone up to someone in real life and he actually only told me the other day so we're like eight months into our relationship now that his friends saw the TikTok um he has a friend that already followed me before

we even met and his friend still followed me and told him about his TikTok so my boyfriend actually knew that I'd seen someone else um before our third date but didn't say anything about it I think he just thought fair enough but anyway he for some reason it came up the other day and I was like oh really did you and he was like no like there were a few girls that messaged me and I messaged back and um there was a girl from his past that popped up and he was like oh yeah I need to come and see you and then he said after our like third fourth date I realized that like that was so no longer on the cards and then he had kind of said to this girl after like our second date yeah definitely pop to where you are like she lives a little bit

away and we'll definitely have to meet up and see you and I think she checked in like later September when we were very much well we weren't official but we were very much knowing that we were going to be together then. And he actually, he actually didn't reply to her. Personally, I think it's good to send a little courtesy, like I've actually met someone now. Thanks for checking in though, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, he just ignored it, which is fine, I guess. Yeah, that's fine, isn't it? So I think what I'm saying is you don't need to put all your eggs in one basket and I actually think I mean that's just one tiny example I wasn't really texting around I've never been that kind of person but it is the first time ever that I've like considered a first date with someone else and been on the first date with someone else when having been

on two dates with someone else and therefore I will say that that was that tiny half an hour of meeting the 25 year old was a big example of showing me, actually, I've got someone really great that I've been on two dates with. So I need to not look elsewhere because, you know, he aligns with so much of what I want with all the qualities as well. And I think it was a good reminder of actually what I'm looking for and a good reminder of actually the person that I'd been on a few dates with had all of those things so to give it a good chance so I think it's okay as long as you're being respectful in my personal opinion what I don't think is okay is like if you're actually being physical with multiple people at once I don't think that's good because I think it's unsafe for the other person and um I'm I'm not keen on that and I'm not sure that would sit okay with me if I was dating someone that was being physical with someone

else in fact I know that wouldn't sit okay with me um so I wouldn't do that myself because it wouldn't sit okay with me obviously you can do whatever you want but I think texting and you know going on a date coffee date a day date where you know nothing is going to happen like no kiss or anything then I think that that is absolutely fine and I think it's a good way to kind of be able to tell if the person you're dating is really right for you or not because if you were to go on a date you know if you're dating someone and you were to go on a date with someone else and you're like oh they're quite exciting too and you want to go on more dates with them then you know it may mean that that other person isn't right for you if if you can just

meet someone else and be like oh they're cool too do you know what I mean but if you can meet someone else below no the other person is really really solid and great then I think that's if it can do that for you then I think that's not a bad thing at all well thank you for listening and if you got anything from this episode please like subscribe rate it please share it with your friends um it's so hard when you're not like a famous person or if you've not been on love island to get podcasts like this out there but i know that they're you know i know that you guys get a lot from these episodes so please do share it every little helps i'm on instagram as daisy dates podcast i'm on instagram as daisy bell and i'm on tiktok as daisy bell six you can follow and listen and watch the podcast on all platforms

wherever you go so wherever you're listening, it's also available everywhere else. But if you give this a follow or a subscribe, then you can make sure that you never miss an episode and I'll see you next time. Thanks for listening and watching.