Daisie Dates - EP27| I have a question... (PART 2)

Episode Date: August 31, 2024

Welcome back!! This episode is in 2 parts. You guys asked the questions (via insta story) and WE ANSWERED! In this episode, I chat to Katie McNamara from Single Sounds Podcast for a candid chat about modern dating. We explore everything from approaching people in real life to dealing with ghosting and maintaining healthy relationships. We share our own experiences and practical advice - this episode will help you navigate the dating world with confidence and help you feel less alone in the sometimes chaotic world of modern dating! KEY TAKEAWAYS Approaching people in real life: Be bold and remember you have nothing to lose. If you get rejected, it's not necessarily about you. Multi-dating can help reduce dating burnout and provide perspective on potential matches. How do you deal with being the only single friend in a friendship group? How to deal with the fear of being ghosted? What to do when your boyfriend's best friend makes no effort with you?  How do you know when you've found "the spark" on a date? What to do when the person you are dating says they aren't ready for a serious relationship but will "get back to you" in a few months? Healthy relationships involve maintaining individual identities, consistent behaviour, and open communication. The "spark" is often misunderstood. A good connection should feel like getting into a warm bath - safe and comfortable! Give potential partners a chance beyond the first date, as nerves or circumstances may affect initial impressions. Understanding attachment styles can provide insight into dating behaviours and help build more secure relationships. Balancing time between friends and romantic partners is crucial for maintaining a healthy social life and relationship. QUOTES FROM ME: "I always knew that he was gonna tell me what the date would be the next week. When you do meet the right person that's as keen on you as you are them, you actually are never questioning if they're going to ghost you." "I romanticise my solo time a lot. You have to do that. “ "Butterflies are horrible. I really hope I never ever have to feel like that ever again. It's the one of the worst feelings I think when you're dating. I think that's worse than being ghosted." You can send your dating dilemmas, issues and questions to: Daisie-Belle ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ Daisie Dates Podcast ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ [e-mail] & the Daisie Dates Facebook Group, too! P.S This is a relationships and dating podcast which is in the podcast charts. I cover mindset, heartbreak, rewiring thoughts and we chat all things finding love, as well as finding ways for being happy single and embracing dating, choosing to not date at all or just having fun!  Follow everywhere Insta: @daisiedatespodcast and @daisiebelleTikTok: @daisiebelle6 @daisiedatespodcast PLEASE like and subscribe or leave a review - every little helps and this podcast is produced, presented, filmed and edited by me. Dais xo To follow Katie at Single Sounds: ⁠⁠⁠Linktree - https://linktr.ee/singlesounds⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/singlesounds/⁠⁠⁠ [e-mail] Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/mood-maze/trendsetter License code: HAJKKR2PYS0VAXN6

Hey guys, welcome back to the Daisy Dates podcast where I talk all things love, heartbreak and everything in between. You have just stumbled across part two of this episode so definitely go back and listen to part one if you haven't yet. This episode is really cool because we did a collaboration with Daisy Dates podcast and Single Sounds podcast for their final episode for the moment so you will hear myself chatting to Katie from Single Sounds in this episode really excited for you to take a listen please do let me know what you think of it leave a review if you can if you really enjoyed it like subscribe tell a friend and give the podcast a follow on Instagram I'm Daisy Dates podcast over there enjoy on that note I had a question about being a single friend oh yes you did yeah

like um how do you kind of get over being the one that's always single this person said they're around a great group of people but they always just find that they're the single one I've experienced that with my family as well I went on a family holiday and I was like the seventh wheel and I was like wow yeah no eighth ninth wheel but yeah I think you have to appreciate it's the circle of life yeah like it's like we say swings and roundabouts like just as someone breaks up you get into a relationship it's just so how it works yeah and you know your friends might be all together now but that doesn't mean that their relationships will last yeah and then just as theirs might be breaking up you might meet someone and you know it does all kind of turn around circumstances change yeah well I'm a

classic case of that because I was in a three and a half year relationship until last year yeah and I actually gave this advice to someone recently because they were getting really bothered about how their friends like to do things in couples and they like to go on their double dates and their dinner dates as couples and I said to her to be honest you would not want to be there I was there last year and we it would it'd be so couple-y because that's what obviously we wanted to talk about because we were in the couples like I used to do those double dates all the time and we'd ask silly questions to each couple being like what's their like most unattractive quality and like well they're ex now yeah exactly and like as a single person you would not want to be at that dinner and I think it's quite

hard to realize that without experiencing them but like you can do other things that like you enjoy and you can go out with your single friends and do different things and I think you just don't need to be at those dinners and they're not excluding you. It's just because they know that actually probably you wouldn't even want to be there and that's okay. And I think she said that she was surrounded by great people, but I also think enjoying time on your own is really important

and then good practice for when you're in a relationship. So if you do have an anxious attachment style, so you don't think you need them all the time like need your partner there all the time enjoying your time on your own is like the best skill you can ever learn in my opinion is the best part about being single is that you learn that life skill because you really do because you have to just go to bed alone every night and you're like okay yeah oh my god it's the best though is it not i had a few nights last week and I was like light my new tk maxx candle like honestly walk around naked like just do what I want when I want eat dinner in my own time yeah just have the best I do that a lot I romanticize my like solo time

a lot you have to do that yeah I'd never done that before I'd say the last year um and yeah just like one Sunday evening I just take myself to the cinema, like order my favorite takeaway, order double, just freeze it. Bath bombs, all of that kind of thing. All of it. Yeah. And I'd never do that even in a relationship. And I feel like now I've done that, I'll bring it forward to a new relationship and it will be a lot healthier. 100%. I also think you always think that people with partners are having so much more fun. So I saw a girl. 100%. I have to remind people of this all the time like I go I go for like lunches or like dinners with people that

in relationships but just on their own and they tell me all these moans about their partner and I'm like oh yeah I needed that reminder thank you but like my life is actually much more peaceful nothing to worry about yeah but I also think like I saw a girl this week who went on like an adventure holiday on her Instagram with some friends and she posted a photo of like the lovely river wherever she was like countryside like oh ready for adventures with a boyfriend now and I was like it won't be any better than it is with your girls like it is the same the only thing you'll get is the like the touch that you don't get like the intimate stuff it is just as fun like honestly and half the time we're not doing anything fun when we're

coupled up I promise yeah I got free tickets recently to like a massive concert with like um Nathan Dore and everything and we we were like set six o'clock I can't bother too tired let's stay in and I'm like everyone thinks that you're doing these festivals and these things with your with your boyfriend or girlfriend and you're not like we're just doing normal stuff and I appreciate I appreciate you want something to do it with but you can do the same things in friends the only thing you are missing like the only you know yeah I would say my partner is like a best friend now so the only thing that is different is the intimate stuff the experience as opposed to just with a friend and I do appreciate the difference I really really do and I can speak I can say that because I spent so long single like all of my 20s single um but I do

think you just have to really appreciate that time alone and also make new friends if you're if you are only in a group of people that are with people you need to go to single events oh 100% I say that all the time teams you need to do whatever you can single. You need to do whatever you can. Single friends save my life. They will. They get it, especially when I get ghosted or those silly rejection texts with sparks and quotes. They're the people I ring, not my friends in relationships because they're not the best.

There is nothing more annoying. They forgot. There is nothing more annoying, especially friends that have been with someone for eight years that have never used a nap in their life. There is nothing more annoying than going to a married couple's house talking about dating and they're just like oh it'll happen for you one day no no they're not helpful every time they see that something negative has happened they just go oh well move on to the next plenty of fish you'll see

so unhelpful not ones i fancy though but the single friends get it they're like i that sucks i'm really sorry for you like they actually understand a lot more. So, yeah, if you don't have single friends, which it sounds like maybe that girl could, like, really do with finding some more. And a lot of the advice we're talking about now comes from a real, like, confidence, place of confidence, doesn't it? And we're saying, like, just go up to someone in real life. Just meet new friends. Just meet new friends. They're really hard things to do if you are, like, quite anxious.

Yeah. Like, singles events are perfect yeah there's so many people that dm me after being like i came on my own and i met like really great girls yeah most of the single events i go to i go to quite a lot because i enjoy them yeah i most of the time i don't meet i won't i miss going to single events i'm gutted that i can't go to single events again i was but that's why when you are single you have to enjoy this time because last year i went to Bali and I met a hundred strangers. And it was a group travel trip last June. So literally a year ago today I was there.

And it was a hundred strangers and I went on my own. And I'm so glad I did that because I may never really get to do a two week holiday on my own again. Because I mean, well, if my boyfriend went away for two weeks on his own I'd be a bit I'd question it or you'd have to like almost kind of request it in a way you'd have to say like is it okay if I do that I'd find it a little bit weird but it is what it is I'm sure lots of people do it some people do I know I know couples that do I know that's healthy too yeah but I mean like I probably wouldn't have that like urge as much as I did yeah and I'm so happy that I did that and create those memories and I had the best time so I also would say like I never want anyone

to look back on their single years and remembering them as like really sad years because you also have to remember you might not I don't know how old you might be so like you could be 30 or you could be 36 you could be 40 I have a lot of women following me that have either had their first marriage and divorce. They're like more 50s. But I also have a lot that haven't met their person yet in their 40s, 50s. You don't want to be sad for that amount of time in your life. Like you have to make your life great

without another person doing that. And I don't care how hard that is. You have to do it for yourself. So like you do just need to go to that first event and then you'll just end up going to that first event and then you'll just end up going to more yeah you will it will like cycle the confidence comes once you've gone up to someone in real life practice like somewhere that isn't like there's a bit more low-key and then you'll just do it a little bit more each time yeah i've left notes i've left serviettes

okay you know whatever you want to do. So good. Serve you up some lipstick, like 0795. I've asked the waitress, like, the chef was really cute. Is he single? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, give him my number. That's a good way to do it. That's a really good way to do it. Yeah, so you're not like directly asking them.

Yeah, yeah. I like that. Yeah, you could do that with another bartender as well. You could ask the other bartender. I never thought of that. Then you can ask them if they're single before, if you did want to approach the person you liked. You can make sure with their friend that they're single first that's always a nice safe way to do it yeah awkward though if the friend says they are and then they say they're not i know but

you're just not gonna take it as rejection yeah you've just gotta be like cool cool gosh i had another question that i would like to touch on what do you see as a healthy relationship see that's interesting because now I feel like I would say a lot of it is about not losing yourself I still still get friends they get into relationships and they just disappear they like go off the side of the earth I don't know where they go and they're useless with all their friends they don't reply anymore they don't come to things anymore or if they do they're always with their partner so for me the most healthiest is when two people have you know their separate lives then i also know examples where they're almost so separate you don't even know they're together yeah and i think getting that balance is really important like do things together but then also

still have a alone time solo time like don't lose contact with all your friends that's such a terrible idea yeah um but yeah what about for you I'd really agree with that like um my boyfriend's been invited to Wimbledon with the lads he's like oh do you want to come I think I think maybe girlfriends and I'm like no like go with the lads we'll go separately and he's like oh cool okay wicked sound and but that is important. I do think you have to have your separate life. And there's nothing worse than seeing, I think girls tend to do it a little bit more than guys. Seeing a girl disperse face to the earth and when they go for a breakup,

they need everyone and suddenly everyone isn't there for them. This is the thing. It can really backfire. Yeah. For me, I think like consistency is really key. Like someone needs to be consistent in a relationship like like that's why I've seen guys that really like get loads of presents at the beginning it's flowers

every week and then six months in it stops don't don't be like that to begin with because like it just stops and then the girl's really upset like consistency in terms of personality and stuff like that like a consistent person is is really important in a relationship um healthy just having a good balance and being able to talk to each other there's been loads of times i've been like hang on can i just pick you up on this because you said this in front of so and so and i don't like i've done that loads because i am a bit like that i am i'm bold and i'm like and i'm outspoken and there's been like if ever a fem not between us but at a group table maybe the topic about feminism has come up or something in the news and I don't know someone's said before at a table like yeah I don't get this whole like

guys having to cross the road like when a girl's on her own and I'm there like no this is really important for you to understand like this is why and I can talk about stuff that my boyfriend's he'll be like yeah oh I guess yeah god I'll make sure I do that next time and I that I find that I appreciate that so much like being able to talk about anything and things that he might not be aware of teaching each other every day I guess and like I'm able to be like I need you to do like be more like this for me not change yeah but I'm like I need the support here like I need you to not do this and he'll be me not change yeah but i'm like i need the support here like i need you to not do this and he'll be like yeah okay you know like if he's ever made a joke and i'm like i need you to not joke about that because it feels a bit and he'll be like oh cool

god yeah and that kind of thing is is healthy i feel like when you can just talk about anything and it's not it doesn't blow up yeah you can just vote because he's actually to me loads as well like can you see that or can you not bring up feminism in front of my family? That's really funny. Do you know what I mean? Turn that down. Don't bring up the gender pay gap today,

Daisy. But it's good, because it's boundary setting, but not in like a, Yeah. Yeah, like a destructive way. It's just saying

like look you know this is who we're meeting not this topic yeah it's really healthy yeah like I just think you just to be able to say anything to people without blowing up do you know what I mean like consistency balance and each other's love languages are really important like knowing that you're on the same wavelength with your love languages is actually important and most people roll their eyes at that but it is actually science and it is actually really important because i've seen two people where one person's love language is um service like service doing everything around the house then the other person gets home and they're like they don't hug them as they get in and they're like oh i just want a hug and this person be like for god's sake i've done everything and they haven't said anything

yeah but this person just needs a touch and just needs to have a hug on the way in they don't care if you've loaded the dishwasher yeah and that's really important that you you align with the love languages yeah just understand ask them what theirs is yeah and if you don't understand just try and be more of that love language type that's really important actually like giving each other what you both need for a relationship recognizing that they're doing it like you said with the dishwasher like before you might not even i don't know recognize that but like oh it's just something you do when you live together when actually that was them trying to like you know live up to your love language yeah make a real effort yeah yeah and

it is important to understand each other in that way yeah basic manners please and thank you but it is stuff like that that over time it grinds on people yeah yeah so it wears you down yeah like they're not appreciating me at all yeah and being aware of yourself in a relationship it's healthy as well like there's definitely been times where I'm like, if you said that to me, would I have been okay with that? Probably not. I was a bit sharp. Like just being aware of yourself too. Yeah.

Taking criticism. I think we can all do better at that. It's hard. I'm very self-aware. Very self-aware. So self-aware I'm never wrong. I got a bit more of like a juicy dilemma as well like a situation what do you do when a guy you really like suddenly says he is not ready for a relationship but will get

back to you in a few months outrageous outrageous live your life forget him yeah what so he's just gonna go and have his fun in ibiza this summer and then when he's back in september and it's yeah this this sounds like a classic uh do you know the taxi cab theory of like when a man's ready to date he won't necessarily pick his best match he's just gonna go with a committed relationship because he's ready yeah but a lot of the time men particularly they wait until they feel like they're ready whether that's like their financial status or their career or whatever it is and whereas women we don't necessarily have that they're quite the same I feel like we're ready if we meet someone really perfect the circumstances won't matter it sounds like to me this person there's something come up

he's realized he's not ready and instead instead of actually doing the kind thing, which would be to end the connection and not give the promise of, you know, a few months, because it sounds like they've said, oh, in a few months, because I know you're a really great person and I really like you. I'm sure like all these words have come out, you know, gushing. I can see it. I can see this exact situation and being like, actually, can you just kind of be on hold for me while I figure this out like say he just lost his job he thinks he'll get another job in like a few months I don't know god I like so many people like this yeah exactly I can see this situation playing out like so many times and I think you need to take that that no as as no and move on

like because I think then it'll be like your ghosting situations okay fine they come back in a few months then there'll be something else I agree with that so that person the guy in that situation it can also turn into a push pull which is then not healthy so if the girl is just like waiting yeah well if she's just like no sorry not good enough for me he would then probably like come back and be like oh no do you know what I mean and it can turn into this really toxic push pull so I think when someone's in that in between you actually just need to bat them off like literally no like don't don't let someone wait on you and it's fine if if you're like oh they're quite nice and you're not that bothered and if in six months he texts you you might see him that's okay don't wait on it multi-date in

the meantime that's the thing and I think if you start you'll find someone that actually is showing up for you yeah it's consistent and you'll naturally just be more attracted to that person and that's what multi-dating is so good for because it does weed out these people that don't commit to you much faster because you see it in other people and then you're like oh yeah actually that is how I wanted to be treated and I think it helps you just get to that conclusion quicker 100% the other side of my dating as well you learn really quickly who isn't right for you because I did two dates with my boyfriend I went on a first date with someone else right and oh my god this other guy was we were so not for each other and I was like right I know that I'm on the right path yeah with

the other guy and then I decided after their date like no dates for anyone else because that's just a moral that I would want reciprocated yeah but like that that's up to you and the person you're dating I'm guessing I say five and five and six yeah yeah I think that's fine yeah um I also think for me it depends on like where where we've got to in those five or six dates like if you've been intimate and stuff yeah it does change things a hundred percent and that's what i think so many people get confused with multi-dating they think you're just like sleeping around with everyone that's not how it works it means you're going on like multiple early dates yeah and i went on like a really boring coffee date like with the first date and they're not that intense yeah lots of mine are just like going to the pub like i could

have met a friend like it didn't feel bad yeah you don't feel guilty about it and that's what is also really good for me it's taught me that I don't need to feel guilty about meeting up with someone just going for a drink and having a chat like just because I've been on two dates with someone else it doesn't mean I can't start that with someone else and just like again like you said it just re-evaluates like how you feel about that original person yeah it's so good I love it I think everyone should I only started doing it as I met my partner which is really interesting actually yeah it's like the first time I've done it. I think everyone should do it. I only started doing it as I met my partner, which is really interesting, actually. Yeah. That is like the first time I've done it.

And then it makes me think like, oh, is that, I don't know. Is that why? I used to think, what? No, but you're right. I think you do need to understand that you can just be having a chat with someone. It doesn't mean anything bad or weird is going on or anything that anyone needs to be judged for. All the time, like these dates end in like a hug, but goodbye.

Yeah. It's not even like. It's so rare to kiss on a first date isn't it they're never good enough to feel like you want to kiss someone you don't have to feel guilty about that and even if you do kiss them oh well like what's the difference of that than going out like every week which a lot of people do kissing multiple people when you're out and about like I don't see the difference personally no I agree with that and I do just think if someone goes to you and you have other people to text because let's face it half the time it is just in the boredom and you just

you miss the person that was dating you normally the person that ghosted you generally sometimes you can be like oh fine they weren't for me but you just want to text someone so it alleviates that like empty hole if you've gone from texting someone loads for ages and then they suddenly disappear and I think it's similar to like always having a date in the diary like when you are committing to someone you know that reassures you yeah this is kind of like a version of that it just might not be with the same person yeah because when it did happen that ghosting actually I already did have another first date booked in on the Wednesday and this happened on the weekend like okay when you start replying. So like it helped because I was like, well, actually,

I met that guy in person and I was quite excited for this first date. So I was like, you know what, like now at least I can go on that and I feel a bit freer from that situation because I'm like moving on in a different way. Yeah. I think it's fine. As long as these people aren't interlinking, like don't go on date with someone and then date like their brother's best mate yeah i didn't think about that like be savvy about it okay i mean most of mine are updates so i don't even know if they'd be connected you just don't want to ruin a chance with someone good sometimes i think like if i'm swiping and I'm like how do I know that you're not like that guy's friend that happened loads when I lived with someone yeah we were on the same apps and we would see the same men like us yeah and we would have to sometimes

check when we were going on date have you spoken to this person yeah it's happened to me a few times where I've sent I've shown like a photo and they've been like oh I actually went on a date with him yeah like you know months ago and you're it does give you a bit like oh I mean there's guys walking around that have spoken to me my sister and my cousin so wow they have a type your bloodline no like we're all kind of like different hair colors and everything so it's just wild oh fine it's so weird so weird so that was that was funny when we were all single at the same time we would have to check with each other yeah being nice anyone yeah I don't want to go on a date with him and actually my sister did go on a date with someone that she was like he's just really nice but I'm not really ready

and he started talking to me not knowing we were sisters and she was like you date him if you want I don't mind nothing happened but I didn't I was like I actually can't do that that's like a step too far for me. Yeah, well then if they do become your partner, that's so awkward. Yeah, a little bit, isn't it? They'll come to the family gathering being like, oh, I didn't realise that was your sister. Oh gosh.

I had a question about the spark. When, how do I know that I feel a spark? Oh, as in like you're seeing all your dates as friends they yeah they just said how do I know when it is a spark like what is it meant to feel like I don't think we're meant to be looking for the spark exactly that's what I was hoping you were gonna say I thought I couldn't work out she just meant like a romantic connection yeah kind of just like how do you know the spark like you know everyone talks about the spark yeah I think that's what she meant well I hope it is but I've heard it's actually meant to

feel like getting into a warm bath and I really like that analogy yes it's like I don't I can't remember unfortunately it might have been um Logan Urie okay could have been yeah I would have to agree with that and I hate being that person that's like it just feels really safe and consistent yeah but that is that is it it's warm and easy and I think that's like like I've had loads of friends be like you don't really talk about him and I'm like it's just because it's always just good like we don't have anything to talk about like we're doing all these fun things yeah but normally like I would have dated people and I'd be like oh guess what Jack's done this time yeah can you believe this and he didn't reply here and now he's here and he's not texting me but he's online and it's just never any of that like it does just feel like secure like I actually I am I was an anxious attachment but I don't you

don't ever actually lose your attachment style technically yeah technically um but I am definitely now more secure I think that's the thing like everyone fluctuates right like I'd like to think I'm insecure the majority of the time but when someone triggers the anxious like it definitely comes out I'm not avoiding like I look at those characteristics I'm like none of that is me like yeah I wasn't avoiding like no chance like but if you know if someone's making me feel unsafe I will more likely latch because actually that's a good sign for someone if to know how who isn't right for you yeah if you go more there because you are so anxious when someone isn't right for you yeah and that's the

thing if they trigger that reaction to me I know oh they're probably not secure because they're being avoidant yeah and it's making me want to yeah like I guess stick my claws in a bit and be a bit more needy and I don't want to be in that space either yeah yeah so people mistake that feeling for the sparks it's like that tummy feeling but that's actually your nervous system you're just anxious yeah it's like horrible I really hope I never ever have to feel like that ever again yeah one of the worst feelings I think when you're dating anything else worse than being ghosted really yeah I think like wondering if someone's ever gonna reply to you yeah whereas this is ongoing yeah I know what you mean like it's awful constantly checking for that number one on archive yeah I've spent too too much of my life

like flicking out my work because I've archived them thinking that will help yeah doesn't help no by the way just in case anyone cares um because then you just look for the one yeah like on that little oh isn't that the worst oh yeah and every time it was the one and you'd look and it's never there and then when it comes you're so nervous you can barely open it because you think it's gonna be like like a rejection yeah but that doesn't go to say that you shouldn't date someone anxious if you do meet someone with an anxious attachment style like it's fine to date any type of attachment style but you just need to know that you need to nurture a certain kind so if you're secure it's good for you to date an anxious because you can help them become yeah secure and then you can both be quite secure together yeah yeah yeah it's interesting but you

tend to go for the opposite yeah oh I was I was going for avoidance all the time yeah like my pattern have you read the book secure attack sorry attachment I haven't I haven't it is the best book I've ever read and actually that helped me a lot understanding people if you are struggling if you've been ghosted at the minute I'd say that's a very helpful book to understand like get a point of view that it's actually nothing to do with you it's all in an attachment style and normally the attachment styles start from when you're like this high yeah depending on what's going on at home so generally speaking it's very helpful to understand why someone might be avoidant and knowing what I knew about my past

like relationships or past exes or people I've dated when i read this book it gets you to like list the people and i listed them and you could tell why like i then knew the reasons why they were avoidant from what i knew about their life that's really interesting so it helps you kind of self-diagnose yeah no diagnose other people it was super healing yeah i will read that it's been on my list for a long time i know i can't lend anyone the book because all these details are in it yeah like in the margins like yeah like jack was this but yeah that's a really good thing to do like why would you write code names in your own book that's so funny yeah i read everything on the kindle so to be fair I can never borrow I can never lend anyway because you want my physical device honestly one of the best books I've ever

read to like understand a bit of psychology if you are quite struggling but yeah back to the spark I really it really isn't a thing so you shouldn't really feel any amazing bubble of joy like you should just really want to see the person again you should just you can be excited about the connection yeah exactly I think you can be excited about seeing them again speaking to them again but that's very different to the spark of like oh my gosh he's gonna be my husband I'm gonna have his children like that's limerencing as well isn't it yeah and future pacing and stuff and what I will say is also like the I raised the spark idea and just give someone a chance because um I need to be careful how I say this because it sounds awful to just be like I really gave my boyfriend a chance I don't I don't mean that I know exactly what you mean but it was

the first time yeah it was the first time ever that I gave someone a proper shot at actually getting to know me yeah and me getting to know them because I was just a bit more patient yeah like we both admit our second date was a bit weird like we kind of got maybe a bit too drunk so we don't really remember the conversations we had it wasn't really of any like we didn't really do anything fun like we were a bit like could have both taken it or left it after the second date but for some, I think he texted me that week and I was like, yeah, third date, like got no others, it's fine. But it wasn't like that.

I did fancy him and we got on and I knew like his morals. But then the third day I was like, oh, this was really different to the second. Okay, fourth date. Oh, this is really good. Fifth date. And it like slowly progressed. Whereas I've been so quick in the past

to get rid of people after the first or second date. And I think that's where like our society now is so like, just need this now. And if this person isn't this for me now, just get rid. We do need to just give people a little bit of a chance. If they give you the ick on the first date because you don't like their trousers, there might be the one pair of trousers that you don't like in the wardrobe. Like just give, I know that's really stupid, but it does happen. Just give someone a bit more of a chance yeah yeah if they spoke too much on the first date they might have been nervous yeah give them a little bit more chance like my

philosophy around this is like unless it's an immediate no you know like they've made you feel unsafe yeah and it's not like it doesn't have to be a hell yes it can just be like a maybe yeah still go on the maybe still go but I found a lot of people don't follow that advice and I've been experiencing what you have whereas I've felt like people have been cutting our connections off way too early and I'm like I don't even know what that was about like that that day that ended at 3am and he said no spark what was that about yeah I don't know couldn't tell you like okay I'm fine moving on but like yeah there's been a lot of times where I'm like wait why did that end like

what was the reasoning like properly did you actually are you just not ready and any kind of stable person makes you feel yeah like it's a no because you think oh this could leave someone I actually don't want that like things are all a blessing in disguise that they do they do cut it it will be because i think when two people want to see each other again naturally it just unfolds and that's another thing in our dating process it just felt a natural progression that we ended up on the fifth sixth seventh date and suddenly people were like how long we've been together now we didn't even know because it was just like a natural you weren't counting anymore yeah yeah so there's yeah that as well just like giving natural progression. You weren't counting anymore. Yeah. So there's, yeah, that as well. Just like giving people a bit of a chance.

Because I went on a lot of dates with a lot of people that weren't emotionally available. So even if I did give them the chance, I don't think it would have worked. But I also did date some nice people that I was just like, meh, boring after a first date. And I don't know if that's good enough, really. I mean, you have to be excited. But, you know know I think a second date should never be fully off the cards yeah I agree well this was a lovely first date no it wasn't well I've had such a great time talking to you Daisy thank you thank you for our lovely first date hopefully we'd have a second don't ghost me I won't ghost you thank you for listening to part two of this episode in collaboration with the single sounds

podcast it's been loads of fun to record and I really think there's so many key takeaways there and it was really great to get an insight from uh kind of both of us that have spent a lot of time single, but also me now having met someone and Katie navigating the opposite of coming out of a long term and now navigating the single world again. So, yeah, it's been really, really great to talk all about that. Please leave a review. Let me know what you thought. And please tell a friend about the podcast as well. And I'll be back very shortly with another episode. And in the meantime, happy dating.