Daisie Dates - EP4 Situationships and the lessons we learnt!

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

Welcome to the fourth episode of our podcast 🎉 where we're diving deep into the treacherous realm of "situationships." Picture this: you're in a relationship, no labels attached. It's like having all the benefits, but with a free pass for each party to do as they please. Sounds tempting, right? Well, not so fast. Unfortunately, one person can easily walk away without consequences, leaving the other with a broken heart and a whirlwind of unanswered questions. In this episode, we're laying it all on the table. Brace yourself as we share our personal tales of navigating these perplexing situationships and the invaluable lessons we've learned. We'll explore the depths of emotions, the twists and turns, and the ultimate question that haunts us: "Would we do it all over again?" Oh, and don't forget to stay connected beyond the podcast. Follow the podcast on all our social media channels @DaisieDatesPodcast, because you won't want to miss a single update! Follow me too over on insta @daisiebelle Don't forget to hit that follow button to stay updated on all of the latest episodes!  Love, Daisie xo This podcast is also on Spotify, Amazon, Apple and Google x #datingadvice #datingpodcast #girlpodcast

Hello, welcome to the Daisy Dates podcast where we talk all things dating of course, situationships, flings, heartbreaks, ooh summer flings which will be coming very soon. I'm Daisy and I'm Sian and today is exactly that, situationships we're covering. Yes it's come to the time where we speak about situationships which is always not good. I feel like it's definitely not good for the women, I never hear men talk about situationships like we do. I'm not sure they would name it situationships, I think they're absolutely winning when i think they think they're absolutely winning when they're in a situation but women think of it negatively as a situation ship yeah boys are like yeah i'm just sleeping with this girl and she don't even you know don't have to be a boyfriend don't have to take her out much to sleep it's

great and we're like oh my god i miss him so much can i text him at the weekend i don't know yeah so for those of you that don't know well lucky, lucky you, I think, if you don't know what it is. Situationship. Well, they can be fun. We'll get into it. Yeah. Situationship is, you know, it can be like a kind of relationship, probably sexual, but it doesn't really have a label. So neither of you are kind of labelling it.

So you're just not sure where you are. Well, it is like everything but a relationship I feel situationships it's different to like just friends who benefit it so much. You're sharing like a lot about yourself and you're doing everything but going on dates and saying that you're exclusive. And I think that's what makes it difficult because I have a friend

that says if you're going to have a fling don't let them stay the night with you don't let it get there and you don't get that attachment whereas situationships if you're doing the sharing the deep stories you know I've had an experience with someone that's told me really deep things about them in their life that I thought was you know him sharing because he really liked me but that isn't always what it means it's not unfortunately for us it's not so do you want to go first on your experience because I haven't heard this okay I'll go first and this will be a surprise, I think, for Daisy

because I'm very much flippant when it comes to boys and I can cut things off very quick. And with this boy, it was very different. I'm going to call him Bob. Okay. Okay. So I spoke to Bob on Bumble. I met him on Bumble.

His name really wasn't Bob. I met him on Bumble and we spoke and I remember after three days feeling like oh this could be somebody here like we have got very similar morals and what we want for the future and we spoke about religion and we spoke about our thoughts on marriage and we spoke about our thoughts on children very soon on like very early on like day three and the more we spoke about our thoughts on children very soon on like very early on like day three and the more we spoke it was so deep like it was the deepest chats that I've ever had with anybody and it just flowed and there was not one point where I was bored and I get bored easily like it's one of my problems I was never bored and I couldn't wait to see him and I started imagining my future with him

and it was all very perfect romance not shiny whatsoever like not usually my vibe I kept it quite quiet for my friends too until about two and a half weeks in so we had been speaking for two and a half weeks and we still hadn't met each other and I think that's quite a lot a long time um and it was just that our schedules just didn't align and he only lived like 10 minutes up the road from me but we just didn't manage to secure a date because I was away a lot and then we decided we were going to meet and I had told my best friend like I think this could be like a twin flame almost it felt like it's mad even admitting it now um and unfortunately when I met him I was a lot bigger than I am now and it like weight wise and I don't think my profile aligned with that

I don't and it was because I didn't realise that I was a bigger girl I really didn't know like I would never go into something thinking I was going to be a catfish but I did not know that he would see me any differently

I just didn't I didn't realise and now I can see it so I remember walking out to his car and I remember his face looked a bit like it shocked but not shocked but like dropped but not dropped so was your dating profile just your face then or every photo was just my face okay um that I can remember I didn't take photos of my body at that point but I did think I did look like the photos and I just must not have and now

I can look back losing the weight and I can look and be like oh no you were you weren't being true to what you was like on your profile but I do think that maybe our conversation was enough to keep him and not care that I but no he would obviously felt like maybe he was tricked and deceived so the first day after we finished the first day I wasn't like this is my true love I just kind of felt like I don't know how I feel and he he mentioned me like what did you think and I was like I thought you were really fit in real life and that embarrasses me now because he obviously didn't think the same as of me and then he went weird straight after the date and he ended it about three days later and was like yeah I don't want another date and he said I really thought it was going to be you Sian like I thought it was going to be you

from talking based on the talking yeah based on our conversation he was like I thought it was going to be you from talking based on the talking yeah based on our conversation he was like I thought it was going to be you he's like I really did I thought you was it he was like I just obviously I'm not ready for a relationship which I just know wasn't true now I know it was because of how I looked which is a shame um and then two or three weeks went by and we didn't speak and my friend uh ended up being ballsy to a boy she was talking to and going to his house and sleeping with him that night and when she got back I was like should I do the same this is where the situation she always starts because oh okay I've now given him an out like so I messaged him and said what are you doing tomorrow he said oh I might be going out but I'm free afterwards and

I was like well I have a free house come. And that's where the situation starts then because I've automatically took myself off the dating scene with him. Like he's not going to have to take me on another date. I've given it up easy. I've told him to come round. He said, are you booty calling me? I said, yeah. So I'd already started that on the front of, okay, now I've just made this sex. So he came round and we spoke for hours and hours and hours until about four in the morning he didn't try anything on with me and then at four in the morning I was like right I am actually here for the sex let's get down to it yeah we are gonna have to have sex so I slept with him and then he messaged me straight away afterwards after he left and said um I'm obviously

not the type of boy that would just sleep with you and not speak to you again like it was fun and I was like well if you want to do it again, let me know. And then from there, we started seeing each other a couple of times a week, talking every single day, calling every single day. And we also made it exclusive as well, but was never a relationship. And he had me without having to put a label on it and he could do what he wanted if he wanted to.

So how did you make it exclusive? I was on a night out and I messaged him and said can I just can I just know like because I'm out I went out a lot more than him I had a busier social life than him and I was like are we in a position where we're not sleeping with other people or are we sleep like okay what's the vibe like just because I'm out exclusive fling yeah are we like what are we doing and he was like well I would rather you not sleep with anybody else. I slept with somebody else that night, but we move on from that one. I think situation shit just makes you feel like so many games are being played.

Wait, so what makes you think that he originally didn't like you because of your weight? Was that ever a conversation? It wasn't a conversation, but there was one. Why would he can sleep with me? He can spend all his time with me. He can call me. He can text me. So it obviously wasn't a conversation but there was one why would he can sleep with me he can spend all his time with me he can call me he can text me so he obviously wasn't my personality why why was it that he didn't want me to be his girlfriend why did i not get taken on a second date and one of the things that he said on our first date we went and got a drink and i was like i'll have a coke and he was like full fat and i was like yeah and i was like yeah and he was like i'd never drink

full fat coke and I was like whoa judgey son I didn't realise you were the kind of boy that I was going to judge and at the time I just thought

maybe he was conscious about his body I didn't think it had anything to do with me and then another time he was on the phone and I was like in the car

waiting to go to the gym I said listen I've got to go now for people that aren't watching on YouTube I'm holding up my hand like a phone I was like

I've got to go now I've got to go to the gym and he went you don't go to the gym do you ah okay wow yeah gosh I'm really gosh okay and then another time we were in bed and he was like you only ever wear black don't you don't you and when you're bigger you do only wear black because it's the most flattering colour for you so I was like yeah and he was like yeah I've noticed and then when we ended it he messaged me when I started to lose weight and he texted me saying um don't mean this in a bad way but have you lost some weight okay so he had okay wow yeah a little bit taken aback at that yeah I was taken aback when it all started when I started to realise because I wasn't putting this all together and I didn't think I was big and also like I'm big for a reason I was on steroids for seven years and that's why I was able to drop the weight so

quickly is because it was because of medication but not like he cared or was interested to know why I was bigger not like it matters but there was a reason behind it but he wasn't interested in knowing it he just obviously thought I was a bigger girl and I really believed that he wouldn't want to show me off to his friends or family because I was bigger I started putting it all together once I'd lost the weight and I got the message saying oh I'm not being funny but like have you lost weight and I was just thinking the weight was a lot for you wasn't it Bob Bob I forgot we named him Bob I was too drawn into the story so yeah that that's the like obviously there's more to it than that and we'll get into it a little bit more but that's like the basis of

my situationship it was intense and it was also like a sad realisation about Pretty Privileged because I think now that if I had met him how I look now it would be a completely different story. You think that

hmm see I'm going to just grit. Do you? Do you think he might have had a relationship with you based on I think for him

I had everything but he just he just didn't like how I looked. Fair enough. I think though that guys have to be in the exact right place and then a relationship he's got a girlfriend now and this wasn't that long ago oh really yeah he got a girlfriend pretty shortly after i think guys

overthink a lot and i think maybe he could think what would my friends think if i was with someone bigger if his friends would judge something like that because i've had a guy say to me actually in a situationship to be fair I was 22 and he was 28 okay and he said Daisy when I sit with my like I really want to go somewhere with you but if I took you home to my family they wouldn't take me seriously because you're 22 and at the time I was thinking what are you going on about but now I'm his age looking back at like when I see guys that are 28 dating 22 year olds, I'm like, what are they doing dating a 22 year old? You know, quite young, maybe still at uni, just graduated. Why would they not want a woman that's, you know, it's a bit more financially stable on the same path, generally speaking, stereotypically.

So now I kind of get what he meant looking back but that can be rationalized of course yeah that now but I could not look back and think I don't want to take somebody home because they're bigger because I don't think I like somebody because I go for boys that aren't traditionally the most best looking boys ever and I have friends that are being like being like I don't think he's good looking at all but I don't care because I like them so maybe it wouldn't be different but I don't think he's good looking at all, but I don't care because I like them. So maybe it wouldn't be different,

but it seemed to me like I had everything for him, but the way that I looked, it felt like I had everything. That's interesting. Yeah. I guess there has to be a reason if he did get a girlfriend a little later. It's a really weird one, a situation when they make it really clear

that they don't want anything. For me, your situation was quite close to it. Potentially, you feel it could have become a relationship because he was at an age and a time where he was ready. For me, Summer Fling that I had last year, I think the only reason I was able to have it as a healthy situation that didn't get too far or upset anyone was because he was younger.

So he was 21. But before we judge that, he was very, very fit. I believe you. And he lied about his age to me. So I thought he was 25. Okay, that happened to me before, yeah. Yeah, so he lied. So at 25, I thought, yeah, that's fine.

And he was a rugby player. He was built, beautiful body. Unreal. And we're oversharing. The best in bed I've ever had. Really? Ever? And he was experienced. He'd been a little bit of a rascal, but with me I was like the first person for him

that he actually had a little bit of commitment to. So again, we were exclusive. We both said like, we're not doing this with anyone else. It would literally be like, whenever I wanted him, he would come round, around but we'd also have dinner together he'd take me out for a drink so we did that stuff we had really nice chats we cuddled and stuff it was actually for the time I was in the perfect situation and this is where we shouldn't always think of it negatively because if you're both in that space and you both know what it is, I was really in that space. And I was also like, I'm never going to be of a 21 year old. But I think that's, yeah, that is, it's definitely a situation.

Because I had a friend with benefits for two and a half years that I didn't like him that much personality wise. We didn't have anything to talk about. We were just great in bed together. So it kept me coming back and we were friends and it was fine. But I could never have been with him anyway. So it was easy peasy. He was 21. Your person was 21.

So you knew you wasn't going to go any further. And I think you knew something like that. It felt like we, he, and he didn't now that I look back. And it actually, I actually ended it because he was not, he was boring in bed. And I thought if this is a situation, she can all, I'm never going to have a boyfriend out of it. Then I might as well. Yeah. Get something out of it. I'm not even getting that so yeah that's why i ended up ending it anyway and that's when you know you do also really like someone as well because if the

chemistry isn't there in like a bedroom situation i've really liked people where we've been having like awfuls yeah i really like them and that's when you know you do like them because i've had people say for example another situation which i didn't assume was a situation but it definitely is that someone I've been on four dates with that I really did like he struggled in that area and really a few times I don't know why like whether it was uh performance nerves it wasn't always working is the politest way to put it which is absolutely fine you've got to be patient with someone it's science isn't it like I don't get offended it's just science but he never really understood why but considering that happened I had a few girls say to me gosh I wouldn't see him again if it didn't work because they would feel too insecure to go back there but I was like no I'm fine and

that's how I knew I really liked him because we hadn't had the chemistry in bed we'd actually just had the chemistry personality yeah in person yeah and it's not that i did like bob a lot it just got to the point where i started to realize these little things that he'd been saying and i was thinking you know what like if you if i'm not good enough for you because of the way i look and like i'm not even getting the good sex out of it anyway so i'm like yeah i feel like you really just and i do believe that if I I think he thought let's leave it for as long as possible I might like her enough to be her boyfriend in the end

I knew I was losing weight at that point I thought you're not getting me when I'm at my best point you're not I'm just going to end it before that even starts It's a weird viewpoint that because you know I've had situations where it could have gone somewhere and it hasn't but I can't think of a reason for it Really? Yeah. So you need to tell us about one of yours I've got a few a few really should I do

my most recent one you wrote most recent well we obviously had like four amazing amazing dates and I think I was a little bit love bombed to be honest um which a love coach actually told me that I was he was saying all the right things planning future stuff telling me such deep things about himself and his family he'd had a loss in the family so he opened up about that you know I'm talking like a tear in the eye when he's and I'm thinking oh my gosh this guy's emotionally mature that's intense stable telling me about this like wow and even when he broke it off I said to him like what like you told me this this this I thought we had so much there he was like oh no I just tell I'm all I will always tell people that if I feel comfortable and you make me feel comfortable and I'm like I'm not sure that is

you do go out of your way after four dates to tell people such personal things he'd made it very clear he wanted um a partner a wife babies quite soon someone told me he sold a life to me he was making out he was this perfect person and there's something new another day in trend of course there is when will they stop where men are asking you what you want specifically to understand what you want so they can play you into that situation so he called me before our first date because we met on tinder and said i'm looking for this. What are you looking for? And this is where he knew then exactly what I wanted and could play to that even if he didn't want it. I'm not saying this is what he did and that he's manipulating, but I've read up on it.

And people have said, when a guy asks you now what you're looking for, you just need to say, I'm not sure yet. So we'll get to know each other and I'll see what we're good for kind of thing. And that's a better answer, other words. And do you think that, you carry on, carry on to maybe the most recent time because it ended for a little bit, didn't it? Yeah, it ended, but then it's like carried on. So he's breadcrumbed me a little bit because we've been having phone calls. He's told me that we'll see each other the next bank holiday,

which has just passed, and he just didn't get back to me hasn't even read the message for a whole week where I said yeah Monday then call me in the week to let me know he just has left me unread and when a week and a bit has gone by I assume that's going to be unread forever so I've clearly been archived and he's put that to the back but I know when he's in a space where he is more ready he says he's put a time limit on it he's sorting his stuff out getting a house he's ready in August few months away tell me that yes he's literally said I'd love you to come and see my house in August so I'm busy in August so I'm like right three months away what do you think this is he's like lingering me there and this is a different type of situationship where we're not necessarily seeing each other meeting up but it's

the bread crumb type where you're in this situation so I'm not I haven't been looking elsewhere for somewhere else because I'm like oh well we had this really special connection so what you think you could wait until August I'm not waiting to wait of course no I promise I'm not obviously at the back of my mind, I was like, well, if we met up on the bank holiday and it was good, I wouldn't go out of my way to meet anyone. And we had agreed that on the phone recently. We were like, let's not go out of our way.

And if we both happen to be single, you know, we're both off the apps. But obviously, that isn't what's happened. Yeah, and I feel like when it's that situation, what happens is you wait and then they get a girlfriend and you're like... I could put money on him having a girlfriend in like the next, like it will be August and then I think the month after that he'll have a girlfriend. And it will just be one of them where you're like... And it is, sometimes that's where I think it is just all in their timing. A relationship is on a guy's cards always.

Once they say they're ready, they can get one. Do you think, because I think men think it's the opposite way around, that we have a choice of men and we have a choice of who we pick and that's how they see it that when I talk to boys that's what they say like they feel like we have the choice of anybody that we want and it doesn't feel like that as a girl it doesn't feel like we do when a guy says that I think we could have the choice let's let's just say let's face it we could pass ourselves out there be like you want to come over tonight to most men? And they'd probably say yes. So we do have any man if we want them.

But if you've got standards, you don't. You want more. Yeah, and you want more and you're looking for a certain thing, then we haven't got the choice of it. Whereas I think once a man, a relationship is on a man's terms, if a woman can want a relationship, but they need to meet a man that's really, really one in one too. And I think that's hard to match up with timing.

Yeah, and I think because women are so selective nowadays, and it's from the episode before we said statistically we're being more selective. I think situationships for us are just as hard to get through as a normal break at Woodburg. And I never thought I'd say that because, again, I am very flippant and I've had friends with benefits but me ending the situationship last year felt as close to a heartbreak as I'll probably get for a while maybe. Do you think it's just as hard now with a situationship or do you feel like when you're in the relationship then it's harder to get over? Controversial question because obviously if someone's just come up for like an eight year relationship they're going to be crushed but I have had a few friends check in on me a lot about my most recent situation and I'm like girls I'm fine and then I know but they've all said and actually one guy friend has

said I know that sometimes it can be harder because it's the what if like you never got to the point of relationship so I think in a situationship you I idolize the person more and you think they're more ideal because then you've already planned what could have been so you assume that if you know for me I've only had like four great dates with that person so I'm assuming I know him in that time and if every date was like that it'd be amazing obviously if we were four months down the line I might have got to know him and he might have had some awful traits or, you know, the distance when it all worked or there's so many things that come into it. But based on four dates, you idolise it and you, you know, make him the ideal man. And I do 100% agree with you.

I think a situation, something that hasn't been able to develop can be so much harder to get over. Yeah, it is the what if. order to get over yeah it is the what if and for my circumstance I mean I'm so glad that like the universe made him say those comments about my weight because if I didn't think it was about my weight I would really struggle with why it ended or why was it a relationship why he didn't want me to be his girlfriend without I feel like even if the reason was not 100% correct which I do think it is then at least I've got a reason in my head as to why it didn't work out and it was something that I couldn't change then whereas if you have no closure and you have no idea why, especially when they get a girlfriend and won't play it out.

And you're like, okay, so what's the difference between me and her then? What does she have that I didn't? So hard. It's hard to be the stepping stone girl all the time. That's why. And a lot of women feel that way. I met some women recently at the gym that felt that way. I think for me, the why is hardest part um of a situationship especially

like you said if you're the stepping stone what did they have and that's where I think it's all in a guy's timing it's on there if they say yes they say yes but you know what the best advice I've ever had if you're ever thinking why you have to make up your own storyline. Make up your own closure. Yeah, that's what I did, yeah. Yeah, you have to. Because you can't think why. I have had to make up my own closure of, he isn't ready yet.

He came across that he was emotionally mature, but he's not if he's ghosted me. He could have just said ages ago on a phone call, look, I'm not, we're not, we're not suited. He sounded like a people pleaser. Yeah, he's people pleased. He's said everything I want to hear. he's left me there just in case he hasn't fully ever said no Daisy you're not the one for me and I just think I've had to make up my own storyline for closure and

I think that's really important to do yeah and I wasn't innocent in mind at all the way that I ended it with him was brutal really really brutal I said the words I'm bored which is just brutal and I definitely should never have done that and but even when I ended it and I was like I'm bored and he was like well there's nothing I can do if I'm if you're bored and I was like well yeah he he still kind of said I was happy with how it was going like I was happy to do what we were doing for as for how long what yeah how long what we're gonna do this for a year and then I was gonna be what thrown out and now what look where was it going when does the situation shit supposed to end this is the thing how do you bring it to an end because the one in the summer came to a sudden

end that I ended up being a little bit upset about like why couldn't we have carried on we were having so much fun but it was at a point where we were like we've done this for three months it either has to turn into a relationship which which it wasn't going to with a 21-year-old, or we have to say, like, that's it, that was fun whilst it lasted. Yeah, it's just a situation, I just don't think

you should get in them and I do think it helps if you don't sleep with them early on and I'm not one to say that because I always slept with them early on, but I do think, if you give,

for me anyway, because I gave it up so easily, he just didn't he didn't once see me in a way that he was like that's going to be my girlfriend then

because she'd you know been on dates and we're chilling I was like one day you don't like me you ended it

have sex with me I'm not showing that I'm a high quality woman by doing that because I'm just telling him like you rejected me I'll have sex with you do you think you did that

because it was like I need to be that feeling of wanted as a which we will get onto in another episode but as a fearful avoidant Do you think you did that? Yeah. Because it was like, I need to be that feeling of wanted. Which we will get onto in another episode. But as a fearful avoidant, we use sex as a way of validating how they still like us. I thought, it might be because of my weight, but if he sleeps with me, he's got to fancy me.

It makes sense. If he sleeps with me, yeah. Which is still not the case. Men will sleep with women for a lot of different reasons. And he holds a girl. And he holds a girl for a man. But yeah, that's the reason. Every he slept with me i was like well he must still like me but if he liked you enough sharni then you'd be his girlfriend and he wasn't so yeah yeah and i think it's sometimes can be tough to be like if he liked you enough he would which is true but again i still think they need to be in the right mindset

and a lot of a lot of the time men just are not in the right mindset. They're just, they've got the time, haven't they? They can sit back and chill. You know, the amount of late 30s that are just looking for their first person, still wanting kids. But women can't think like that. Not as much anyway, not as freely. And then another type of situationship are people that probably have something else on the go.

Or a cheeky little girlfriend or wife so I've been in a situation where I knew nothing about this other girl I've been quite a few of these but a situationship I dated someone from October to December it was a while ago the one actually the 28 year old that told me I was too young for him at the time so I was 22 so we were next-door neighbours in London. Technically, we were in the same house, but obviously this landlord at one point had just been a little genius and had split them into two flats. So you go upstairs in his and then I'm the flat.

So we often had house parties and stuff anyway. Before I ever knew who he was, one day we came through the gate together. He let me in to my gate and I was like, he's cute. I left a note through his letterbox. Hi, guy next door, are you single? Oh my God, Daisy. From girl next door. Daisy, you're never, you amaze me every time.

I was on the graft at 22, mate. She's just got the balls of flipping iron. Next day, letter through my door. GND, which is girl next door hi what guy do you do you mean there's two of us love guys next door another letter from me hi the one with the the glasses so um i put here's my number if you're interested he whatsapp me the next day so obviously it was so much fun this is so sad because this is like a film we went to the bar which uh was Chiswick fire stations it was like the new bar at the time we had a great time we

obviously walked home together went into our separate doors said goodbye it was quite awkward then he texted me and was like oh I've actually got a bottle upstairs if you fancy it and I was like updating my housemate at the time so I was like come drink with my housemates me my housemate and him were all drinking naturally he stayed the night of mine it was a great night and we ended up seeing each other so he was filming for Love Island at the time so he wasn't on it he was the camera op okay and yeah so he was like flying like back and forth to Mallorca you know I love a videographer we learned that in episode one that's so true I love it you've got so many stories of guys guys with cameras I love it guy behind the camera I wish I was getting this one's action as a videographer that or a tradie do you know what I mean um so he's like you know he texts me like I'm at the airport now let's order in

tonight so we had a really nice little three months anyway it gets towards Christmas time and I'm like look it's my birthday on the 2nd of Jan so I need to know where we're at like do I stay home with family or shall we spend the day together because we were just having so much fun he was like I got this essay back I'll never forget it I just cried on my bed I was like to my housemate Dex what is going on all of the time he says to me as long as I say this is probably the right time to tell you I've actually been seeing someone for the last few months but she's been away filming a different tv show so i should probably end it here because she's 32 she's more my age we've always had a thing like it's been a girl at work that i fancied for ages we've never been single at the same time

this is our one chance to try it she went away she knew that probably we'd part ways a bit but yeah I can't go any further with you you're a great girl etc etc etc I'm so sorry get this the next day a blonde girl no way leaves his flat as I'm leaving so I'm like oh hi were you here for Bill what's my name and Bill and she's like oh yeah I was like oh are you the girl that's been seeing him for a few months she goes no no I just went home with him yesterday after a party so it was another girl stop another girl also why did he text saying this is our only chance because I don't care about your life story I really don't just tell me you've seen someone. Let's just end it.

Why are you giving me your life story and trying to make me feel guilty for you and sad that this is your one chance with you and this girl? But apparently now I've got another blonde girl who doesn't look like she's filming anything to Meg. Absolute dirty dog. Dirty dog next door. Dirty dog.

Dirty dog next door. That is so, so annoying. So that's where a situation ship can come I think if they're that you're just like a side thing during a situation that he had anyway they lasted for a few years but they're not together now but that was a that was a horrible one I was so young that I was like too young to like understand what happened because that was like the first ever time for me that someone had spent a good three months seeing me dating me officially that I thought we were anyway,

and then it turning out to be like a complete con. And then I guess from then, I think it's never really ever changed. Well, I think that it's, although we can say, yeah, I think when it's more casual and it's not quite a situationship, great. But I just don't think there's many times where a situationship works or makes you feel good at the end of it. So why do we keep getting into them? Why do we get into them?

With the hope, maybe, that it's going to... With the hope that this one will be different and this one will go somewhere. Because it feels like we're kind of letting... As we spoke about in episode two, that's surely crossing our boundaries, this is, us getting into situations and not expecting the man to put any sort of commitment on it. That's got to be going against our boundaries so why do we keep doing it it's a self-worth thing

and i'm torn here sean i'm actually torn because we're high quality women we're going for high quality men we've done all this self-work but also babe people have needs true so where do you like and i want to stay a high quality female so so I don't want to just, but we do have needs. So sometimes, you know, if you're single all year, you want to be dating someone at some point and have a little bit of intimacy going. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and as women, we like, we do prefer, you know, to get to know somebody or know them or feel safe. Feel safe with someone that we're sleeping with and we feel safe when it's just the same person over and over again. safe with someone that we're sleeping with and we feel safe when it's just the same person over and over again um but i think the sex is for me anyway took away my boundaries that i wouldn't have i wouldn't put with i wouldn't put with that whole situation now it would have been cut off he

wouldn't have got he wouldn't have got the booty call if he was now he wouldn't have got the booty call i can tell you that would not have got the booty call um but yeah it's just it like you said i feel the same like i'm torn I see why we do it but I just wish that we didn't because I feel like we give a lot of power away when we're doing situationships and you're right it's in the hope that you think you could change the guy's mind but I think at the end of the day we all know deep down that if a guy isn't sure like take that as your answer and that's what I've learned in my most recent situationship like why did I not listen the first time instead I've let it go on so actually I've just been torturing myself it's my fault that he's now like it's not my fault that it's ghosted me

but it's my fault how it's ended because I shouldn't have even let it get there I lived in hope that he would just like be like actually no yeah Daisy's great um she has loads going for her but they you can't make a guy see that. And I think situationships, you try to by giving them what they want, keeping it casual. I'm such a chilled girl. I'm so chilled. I actually don't care if you get with anybody.

What, you're on a date right now? I'm so chilled. It's just casual, babe. It's so casual. Just the sex for me, please. Wine? No, thank you. Just the sex.

Honestly. We just want to act like the chilliest girls scales ever i know it's just not it it's just not the case it's really really not the case i think they're more common now because of like really if you say to your nan or to be fair even our parents they'd be like what's the situation ship what the hell is this i mean my mum can't understand for the life of her how if you if you go on one date why they're not your boyfriend that's how it worked back then so a situation I think it's the the problem is the choice that we have people just aren't committing to one great person they think the grass is greener yeah and you can just go back on you know you can have a great date on some with someone from bumble tinder wherever but then you

get home you can scroll on your phone again, and you're back to square one meeting, like swiping other people. The choice has definitely made situationships more common. Yeah, I think so. Boys don't want, men don't want to commit. And, you know, some girls do. I'm very much a commitment phobe as well, and I'm not great with commitment, but obviously because he asked me to be exclusive

and I slept with somebody that night because I just, I get very freaked I asked for the commitment, I was like are we exclusive he said yeah and I was like ahhh and then I slept with somebody because I was like I don't like the commitment, it's too scary Yeah and I think that's where So I see why because I'm

a commitment phobe too so I understand that men are feeling that way too but I also don't think the grass is greener, that was me just. But I also don't think the grass is greener. That was me just freaking out. I don't think the grass is greener. I didn't think the grass was greener than him at the toleium. But I'm glad that it happened because now I can see we wasn't meant to be.

Yeah. And although we had a lot of great qualities, but it's, yeah, it's the living in hope and it's the romanticising, I think, that you get from situationships that you don't. Do you feel like now, even though you know this is probably going to be it and you're probably not going to receive a message back, you in the least harshest way in the least harshest

way because last time last week i was like if he doesn't message you back you end it leave it um so after going through it and talking about situationships do you think even though we say make up a excuse in your head and make up your narrative, do you think you're going to feel closure or do you still think you're going to wonder about Bill and wonder what if with Bill? I think it's really difficult. If he was to text me in a few months when he reckons his headspace and his life is going to be in a better place,

it would be hard to be like, no. But for me, this is done, that it's done. I really saw his worth from the beginning. I think he's got so much going for him I could list it and he like you thought about Bob these names are killing like you thought about Bob this could be it and maybe he thought that about you as well I like went to my mum and sister the next day after our fourth day and was like, I think this is it. This is how it's meant to feel. It's easy. His communication is unreal.

We just spark. We get on. Everything about it is so good. Our families are very similar. Everything. The least of what I'm looking for, he had. So the answer is you probably will continue to think what if. And that's what's hard to think about situationships.

Yeah, I think so, but I feel strong enough that he should have seen everything that I've got going for me in that time. And I do think there'll be some guys listening, and maybe girls if you've related to what we've said about guys, that will be like, well, I wasn't in the right headspace, but still met maybe their partner. I think if it really is right I think someone can get over I truly believe that yeah I truly believe if a girl's

going to bowl you over she will bowl you over no matter what headspace you're in and you'll be bowled over by them and you'll be like this is the one like you said how you felt this is what it's supposed to feel like he should feel like that too and if he did it would have been a different outcome and I think I'll still think, what if? Because I am completely different now to when I first met him mentally and physically. But I think the universe gave me enough to be like, one, there's other men out there that you can get on with. And two, he didn't deserve you.

If he didn't want you at my biggest when I was going through a condition medically and needing all this medication and you don't get to have me when I'm healthy and I've been given like a new lease on life and stuff. I think that's really good, yeah. And every time I think about him, I'm like, nope. Just think of it as it shows that there's men that I'm looking for out there. And you know what, like one of your best traits is being forgiving.

You're a very forgiving person and you should never lose that and I hope that never goes because of like situations like this with men like this but you're so forgiving and a partner will really love that about you in the future yeah would you do a situation again no you'll never see me in one again wow gosh i love this you learn your lessons and you're going with it yeah no i'll you'll date me and then we'll either end we'll stop dating because it's not right or we'll get in a relationship i ain't doing the middle thing again and never again I might have a casual like fling but never a situation where we're basically dating but we're not never again will somebody get me in that again go what about you every time I'm feeling a little bit soft I've got to text you up

and I don't I don't think so unless it is completely on my terms like it was last summer which I think was just rare because he was younger. I wouldn't be able to do it with someone my age that could potentially be a partner. So I don't think so. But if I was, it would have to be on my terms like it was in the summer because that's what made it fun. And you're not left with terrible memories from that little fling. So my finale question is,

what advice would you give yourself looking back on that situation if I was back like to give to her yeah oh yeah yeah that's really I feel sorry for her it's really I think a powerful place though when you look back and feel sorry for that self of you yeah I feel sorry for her and I wish I could say like you don't need to have sex with Bob it's my Bob you don't have to have sex with Bob um to make you feel better to make you mean that you're worth it you don't have to have sex with Bob because you had a lot more going for you really um and you'll feel better after it and the feeling that you have still now it was not worth it just to say that you had sex with him

and that he must like you and fancy you so if I could go back I'd just be like don't you don't need to have sex with him to feel better you can do it in other ways you can feel better because you're great aww I feel so sorry for her so much aww it's great though you can see your growth so much

she'd be proud of me now I think yeah love it well my advice because yours was so good I was like I can't really beat that um I don't you know what I'm my advice would be you said I was forgiving so my most last year I'm happy with how I dealt with myself and that situation we can still have banter now like he might be in Bali when I'm in Bali and we're just like oh cool on that one yeah we will um for me the most recent one I think I was I've again I've lost a few of my

boundaries which I actually did with the guy I spoke about in episode one as in I know I'm strong enough to know that if he doesn't like me enough to you know be seeing me again for the next date I shouldn't be entertaining him so I think you know if he was to call my phone now I would be in a place where I wouldn't answer so I think just maybe respect your boundaries yeah like days yeah respect your boundaries and understand where I'm being a bit too forgiving versus you know actually going against my morals and then having boundaries yeah and that'll be hard to do but i think if you remember this and that you that's genuinely the advice you'd give to yourself you should

remember that going forward yeah yeah nice lessons yeah nice little lessons thank you so much for listening uh we're days dates podcast across all platforms we'd love you to share it like it give us a message as well um whoever you are whatever situation you're in let us know your thoughts if you're in a situation if you need any advice if you have a dilemma we want to hear from you and our dms are always open and we're always chatting to people days always chatting to people in the dms and we love speaking to you so feel free if you need some advice to message us absolutely see you next time