Daisie Dates - EP5 Relationship Coaching, Ft Eatingherfeelings

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Episode five already? Can you believe it? Today is an extra special day because we have our very first guest, Emma! We are beyond excited to have her on the show to share her incredible journey of personal and relationship healing. At just 35 years old, she has experienced her fair share of toxic relationships and faced abandonment issues stemming from being adopted at birth. But you know what? Emma fearlessly opens up about all of this with us today. Brace yourselves because there are so many valuable lessons and eye-opening insights packed into this episode. Oh and don't forget to give Emma a follow on Instagram at @Eatingherfeelings. Follow the podcast on Insta & Tiktok @DaisieDatesPodcast Follow Daisie @daisiebelle Don't forget to hit that follow button to stay updated on all of the latest episodes!  Love, Daisie xo #datingpodcast #girlpodcast #relationshipadvice

Hi, welcome to the Daisy Dates podcast where we talk all things dating, obviously, heartbreak, first kisses and maybe some lasts as well. I'm Daisy. And I'm Sian. And today is a very exciting episode because we're actually joined by a lovely guest Emma aka Eat Her Feelings on your socials. Hello! Hi! So happy to have you here. Thank you for having me. Yeah very excited so we came across Emma's socials and we were like we absolutely have to get her on because she talks well you talk so openly and honestly about your journey and dating so far and your healing journey as well.

But before we start, I've got a little bit of a game for you. Okay. We want to get to know you a little bit more. So before we get into the this or that, I just want you to tell our listeners, well, how would you describe yourself in three words? Oh, okay. In three words, fun, funny, and talkative. Love it. Because fun and funny are different things to be fair. Fun fun, funny and talkative. Love it.

Because fun and funny are different things to be fair. Fun, funny and talkative. Great. What are three traits then that you would look for in someone else? Oh, emotional availability is massive. We did a fist pump then if you're listening. Good communicator and can make me laugh. Love that. We both said good communicators actually didn't we now yeah yeah we did all about the communication we said people at our age now are

like we want communication that's what that's what we want most yeah absolutely okay a little bit of this or that so just answer the preference that you would choose or the one that you just are like yes about first okay so in terms of dating camping or candlelit dinner candlelit dinner kissing or snuggling snuggling sean you would have been kissing wouldn't you i love kissing so much movie night or go out and glam up or go out and glam up you cook for him or him cook for you or him cook for me wine or beer wine vacation or staycation vacation day or night nights words or actions actions take out or dine out dine out okay can you tell us an ick that you have yeah I always feel really bad saying this android phones

I've never heard that one before that is a thing it is a thing no you know what it's not even just them having an android phone it's like when you receive a text and it's that weird emoji that's like a blob yes yeah it's just I've had an iphone since like day dot and it just it freaks me out when they don't and I know that's really weird but it's yeah it's just it's not for me mine's when boys cry at films and that's a bit niche as well really? yeah it's not real stop crying

you don't like the emotion if it's about their past or someone's died then cry your heart out but you know the dogs are alive don't you Marley and me this is talking from experience Marley and me was what put me off I was going to say it's Marley and me that's the only one i've ever cried i was like don't the dogs are live it's just an actor it's not actually dying let's not cry about it and i'm obviously not emotional you're judging me my ick is a fish pick yeah she hates a fish pick

i'm holding a fish oh i was like what's a fish pick i know it's that niche yeah when they're just oh no it's disgusting yeah she's really disgusting who on earth thinks that that's gonna be like oh yeah baby future that's what i've been looking for yeah or golf i'm not i don't like boys that play golf to be honest well you'll be a golf widow if you go for a guy that plays golf yeah that's it's like a whole day event yeah that's it they leave you all the time just for golf and like what a boring sport it's an all-day thing all day every weekend yeah thank you um and lastly emma will you describe your perfect type oh my perfect type okay very stereotypical tall dark handsome um lots of tattoos okay i love tattoos um and just show what someone who's got a good sense of humour and is funny.

It actually doesn't matter what they look like. If they can make me laugh, that is honestly what I go for. Sounds like more your type than mine. Yeah, I would say height isn't a thing for me. But yeah, typically handsome. I call my type universally fit. The kind of guy that most girls would double take. That's kind of my guy all around.

Not mine. Mine's a geek. Yeah, but that's where you've got your niche. You should have the pick of the bunch. Well, I do. No, I don't. They don't go out that much. She does.

She's having a great time. So, Emma, you share your story and your dating journey like so openly on your socials so today we wanted to get you in to like talk about what makes you talk about it so openly why you wanted to start it and actually about your healing journey as well because we often talk about healing and people need to heal but what does that actually like involve when we say that I think some people don't necessarily know what that means yeah and I don't think I've I've done the work personally on my own stuff but not with relationships I'm going to watch your stuff I'm like she's really doing the work and I think a lot of people would would learn

from it and show that you can do the work that side as well not just personally but in a relationship we can still keep working yeah yeah it's a really good point so maybe take us back to the beginning because I know that you you've got you had a relationship coach, you're also in therapy. So maybe start from relationship coaching, kind of why you decided you wanted to go. Okay, so relationship coaching, I had been single for about a year when I started that. And my last relationship was very toxic. My relationship before that wasn't great. And there was like these string of bad relationship after bad relationship. And at that time, I was, I don't even think you could call it a situation ship.

It was like basically involved with this guy who didn't want a relationship, but I was still lusting after him. I'd say that was a situation ship. Yeah. want a relationship but I was still lusting after him yeah I'd say there's a situation yeah and it was like I felt so I was just so involved in something that I shouldn't be involved in basically and I was breaking my own heart and so it got to the stage where you know when you're sick of your own shit and it was like I'm gonna keep repeating these patterns unless I do something about it and I was in therapy but therapy obviously I taught very in depth about my eating disorder childhood trauma stuff like that so I wanted

something quite niche where I could just talk to somebody about relationships and work on that because I knew the stuff I had to work on like my anxious attachment like was sky high I was I've got to do something about that I've got to do something about thinking that all men are liars all men are cheaters all men manipulate because I was like I'm doing stuff on my own but it's not working I'm watching all the videos I'm following all the people on Instagram but something's just it's not clicking because I'm in the same situation that I always find myself in so that's when I turned to a relationship coach because I thought I need some professional help so you went to a relationship coach when you were single didn't

you yes so how did they help like structure certain thoughts so it's I went to her and I told her what I wanted to work on and we started where we went we literally like picked apart every relationship that I've had which do you know what was hard but also really needed like sometimes it's nice to have empathy from somebody to be like yeah do you know what like you have gone through quite a lot yeah empathy for yourself like they can teach you like be kind to yourself as well and yeah it's okay that you feel this way exactly and for someone to be like yeah what he did like that's not okay but it doesn't have to rule the rest of your life so we started by picking apart all of that and then picking out all the patterns and all the behaviors that I keep repeating

um and then we started working on what I was going through at that time with the guy that I was involved in that and so it was really good to have that in a parallel at the same time because it's like we've split our sessions I would talk about him and she would give me advice and then we'd like relate that back to things from the past because it would be like right well why why are you choosing him why do you want him to choose you what does he remind you of and I'd be like oh he reminds me of my ex-boyfriend. And all these things would, like, link up together. And then we started working on the negative beliefs that I had around men. And with her being like, do you really believe that all men are shit? And I was like, well, no.

Like, I know there's good men. So she would be like, give me an example of good men. What good men do you have in your life? Like, that was a struggle. I'm not going to lie like that was a struggle I'm not gonna lie and she would be like you know give me an example of people you have in your life where they have a really good relationship again that was a struggle I don't feel like I'm surrounded by loads of people who have an idyllic relationship but yeah session by session we were kind of picking everything apart and she would

give me homework as well which I was a bit resistant to homework because I mean I didn't like it in school and I don't like it as an adult but it was good a lot of it was like journaling prompts so it wasn't like hard-hitting homework but it was stuff where you have to set aside time and sit down and really like unpack some difficult stuff that you're going through. Do you think because of where you were at, like, the place that you were in, you were very accountable? Like, you've just said, like, I know I was doing stuff wrong. I know I was causing half this. Like, you said, didn't you, in the episode past, like, this was me now. This is me now causing this.

Do you think it would have been different if you were going in denying everything and being like, this is all happening to you, Meg. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it sounds like you're in the best space to be able to get into relationship coaching. Is that something you'd recommend to other people is to get yourself in the right space before heading in there? A hundred percent. Look, you have to be accountable. OK, a hundred percent. Like whatever relationships you've had or situations you've got yourself involved in, you've had or situations you've got yourself involved in however rubbish or despicable that man has been you have always played a part in that okay and that not it doesn't make you a bad person part at all but i played a part because i stayed in those relationships okay i chose them over me i abandoned my own needs to suit them so once you start taking responsibility I feel like that's

when you can start moving forward but if you're in denial and if you're sitting there and saying no I'm I'm perfect like there's nothing wrong with me then you're you're not going to get as much out of it yeah you can't control somebody else what you can control is what you do and what you say so instead of blaming somebody else and saying this happened you can't change them there's nothing you can do but you can change you and that's so important i'm so exactly the same when it comes to accountability you've put yourself in that position and sometimes it's okay to be like i did this wrong and i wouldn't do it again and i know that i wouldn't let my boundaries be taken for granted again yeah i literally said exactly that in the last episode as well like

we need to like just stick to our boundaries each and every time. Exactly what you said, like just not keep putting up with this stuff. I wonder if that's why men are less likely to take themselves to therapy than women, though. Do you think women are better at taking accountability? Yeah, 100 percent. I think we are, because I think I think with men as well, they men typically struggle with their emotions as well and I think a lot of my accountability has been actually accepting my emotions and becoming more emotionally available myself because a big thing that I

found in relationship coaching a big thing that actually brought me there is I was attracting all these emotionally unavailable men and that's such a buzzword at the moment isn't it like emotional unavailability and I was attracting all these men and then I saw something on social media that said if I if you're attracting all of these men it's because you are also emotionally unavailable and I felt personally victimized when I read that right I actually do right now yeah I feel attacked I'm like no definitely not me also like well maybe and I was exactly like that I was like what are you talking about I'm like no definitely not me also like well maybe and I was exactly like that I was like what are you talking about I'm so emotionally available I talk about my feelings they know how I feel but then when I actually sat down and thought about it I was like no actually I

get what they're talking about because in relationships it's like I'll go to a certain level of talking about my emotions and then I won't and then it's like I'll go to a certain level of talking about my emotions and then I won't and then it's like I don't let them into the real me and that's what I want from a partner I want them to let me in but how can I expect that from someone else if I'm not also that person as well so how did a relationship coach help you to see that for yourself like what did it require you must have had to put in so much work to like or was it that when you saw that post that said that was it like like because you're saying it to me now and it's like a click in my head like I overshare but is my oversharing in my brain is

that me being emotion emotionally available it's not really is it it's just sharing a load of stuff so was it was it like that did you see something and think hold on here yeah that was like a light bulb when I saw that and i was exactly the same as you i was like when i'm in relationships i share everything i tell them about my eating disorder i tell them about my mental health and what's going on but yes actually i will tell them i had this i went through that but i don't tell them how that felt i won't tell them how that affects my day-to-day life now so it's different from oversharing and being factual and it's different from actually sharing how that makes you feel how that affects

you on a day-to-day life yeah we kind of say here's information we've shared that was emotional it wasn't now you're saying this to me now not it wasn't there was it you just shared the basic of the information because it feels like oversharing it feels like when you say the word oversharing that means you're giving a lot to yourself but giving a lot to them but maybe you're not yeah because i've given lads credit that they're emotionally available just because they've told me an emotional story literally in the last episode we've spoken on that as well yeah we do yeah with the relationship coach that's what we did we broke it down right and she was like what is your definition of emotional availability she was like how how have you shown up as that in past

relationships and when i would say that she'd be like no that's that's not emotional availability so then it was trying to think well what is it and how can i offer that to a future relationship so a lot of the work with her i mean our sessions would literally be like two hours long, right? They were in depth, like I needed a nap afterwards. Like it was a lot. And it's a lot of delving into the past and then looking at how are those past relationships affecting my current relationships? Gosh, yeah. It's a lot, isn't it, to unpack? Were you like, we're kind of having these moments of real's a lot isn't it to unpack did were you like we're kind of having

these moments of realization or did you find those moments happening a lot like shocking yourself a little bit and I guess it is quite hard to take accountability and realize as well though yeah 100% yeah because there is there's that moment of realization where you're like yeah all of this stuff has happened and I have played a part in this and there was a big part of me that was like I'm 35 years old I'm only realizing this now you know like there was a big part I was like I wish I knew this 10 years ago 15 years ago like my life could have been completely different but everything happens for a reason yeah 100% we're all you know I'm 30 we're we're in the same boat. Have you seen you choose different men since that then?

Has it made your dating life better? Because you're still single? Yes. Yeah, 100% it's made my dating life better. So with the relationship coach, so she was like on hand all the time. So I could WhatsApp her, message her. Gosh, I love her.

Honestly, it was like having a little best friend in your pocket so when I first started dating it's like I would message her and be like oh I'm having like this conversation with this guy and I'm not really sure so she'd be like okay send me some screenshots so I'd send a screenshot and she would be like okay well you know have you thought about this and have you thought about that and basically pose questions to me and that would make me think like yeah do you know what like no like this isn't the type of guy that i want one big thing that i took from her is you know like we all talk about the spark and butterflies and so she was like that is the biggest load of crap ever like yeah i've

heard this as well she's like you don't want butterflies that's anxiety like yeah because as you said you're a um preoccupied anxious preoccupied I'm fearful avoidance so I don't really get butterflies and stuff like that because it's instantly this is going to go nowhere this is this is going to be ending rejection I can already feel this is where it's going so there's no butterflies like that. So it's crazy that your butterflies, you misinterpret, think it must be right. Yeah, absolutely. And like when my anxious attachment would get activated, if he wasn't, you know, if I wasn't getting messages back quick enough, like I would message her and she'd be like, this is normal.

Like it's normal for him not to be messaging you. And one thing she really instilled in me is how on dates like one two three like don't have loads of contact with them because I am someone I will attach to someone very quickly especially if we're in a lot of contact with each other and if you're having a text relationship with somebody then you're building up this false sense of attachment to them because you don't know them but you think because you're sending 25 messages a day that you do know them yeah and then I've done that but with voice notes so it feels so familiar and my mum listened to some of the voice my voice notes like do you think he does this with every girl because you know so much about his life every moment in a

voice note he's panning out live I think that's where we're too familiar in this like tech age that we're in absolutely yeah and again for me it's more um I the more I give of that the more I overshare and get to know them I won't live with the regret that I didn't do the I didn't give them enough of me or they didn't know me well enough or if it ends then I'm not at least they know everything about me and it's ended and they've rejected me because of an actual valid reason because they know me and that's that's for me I don't get attached through texts but I do think I've given you everything there which is still not great and I hope people listening know like your attachment style does really change how you're feeling these things because all three of us view it all so differently

yeah absolutely and what did you find was the difference between going to therapy then and a relationship coach? Because I'm intrigued about that. So there is a crossover between coaching and therapy. Obviously, a coach isn't a therapist. So like my therapist is a psychologist, like she's got all of these qualifications. A coach is very different to that.

But there is a crossover because you do talk about things from the past and you do unpick it I think the biggest difference between like when I'm in therapy a lot of it is um thinking back to what's happened in my childhood and how has that shaped me as an adult and we can delve really really deep into stuff and you know she will get me to um think about things in a different way she'll pose questions to me like when i have a thought that i'm not good enough you know my therapist will be like like what's your proof of that like what you know what proof do you have that you're not good enough um and a coach is more i feel thinking towards the future

so it would be like um for me when I was in coaching I wanted to get out dating but I was too scared to do it right I just felt I was like no I'm too scared I don't want to do it so it was like right what can we do in the future to get you back out there dating it's a lot more it's hard to describe because there is that crossover but I feel with coaching it's a lot more focused on the future like a lot more right well you want to do this this and this and we're going to do this this and this to get you there whereas therapy is a lot more like okay let's sit back and let's delve right into the archives of what's happened in your life and how that is

shaping you right now it's a lot slower like questioning why every step of the way i've been i was in therapy and it's like okay why did that happen we get to that what okay why did that happen we get to that and why did that happen it seems like the relationship coaching was a little bit more right we've got it let's move yeah let's make a step is that what you kind of mean yeah coaching is a lot faster paced because i worked with my coach so i had 12 sessions but it was like every fortnight so it was like split over a long period of time but like i've been in therapy for four years therapy is a lot more drawn out because there is so much like you say it's like okay this happened when i was five okay well let's sit and

let's unpack what happened age five and then you're like well okay age six like in coaching it's a lot more like oh okay so this happened in your childhood cool what are we going to do to move you forward from that I think that's what stops a lot of people going or at least sticking to it people go to like three and then they're like I've been to therapy so I'm healed now they don't realize that it's like an ongoing process as well um have you got anything specific that obviously you'd be willing to share as well that came up from your childhood that affected the way you dated or the kind of men that you went for yeah so I was adopted when I was a baby and on I've known all my life that I was adopted but

honestly it wasn't until last year I want to say that really I started to realise how it's affected every single part of my life. Because I think from being adopted, I started with such a massive abandonment wound because my very first caretaker, I was abandoned. You know, that's how it felt anyway. And so when you grow up with that sort of abandonment wound, it meant that I'm constantly chasing somebody to choose me right so i'm in a constant choose me choose me choose me headspace so when men come along i'm like light bulbs like someone's going to come and choose me it doesn't matter what they're like like they could be not the right person for me but this inner child the inner little emma in me suddenly lights up and it's like well this is

this is the person for you this like they're going to choose you and you're going to live happily ever after and so you don't actually see people for who they are you see people from this mentality of choose me and when you're going through all of this and learning all of that you said you've known you were always adopted. Why do you think it took so long before you made that connection? Because for me, I have trouble with my dad, and now I can say that I think I was always trying to get him to love me, and he made me weird with men. He said, like, my dad don't love me, that means no one's going to love me.

And the last conversation we had was my dad saying that no man's ever going to love me, and no man's ever going to want me with the way that I am because of me running a business and not really caring about mental relationships and I think that's why I'm so heavily into dating right now is because I'm like I'll prove you wrong dad like someone does want to love me and I think that was a light bulb moment for me to be like oh I always felt like that I always felt like he didn't love me so I felt like no one would so and that's draining but why do you think it took you so long to realize when you didn't know you was adopted for your whole life why did it take you in 230s to be able to realize so I had

a massive development in my adoption last year I did one of those ancestry DNA um kids my friend bought it for me for my birthday and that led me down a path of connecting um with my birth father's cousin who was on there and I had always been led to believe from the information I had that my birth parents had given me up for adoption because they were unmarried it wasn't the right time they weren't going to stay together but through him I learned that they actually did stay together and they had more children so that when that was literally like devastating for me to find out but it forced me to finally address all of these things that I've had from my adoption that I wasn't really addressing um so as much as that was like

a big thing to deal with last year i'm so grateful for it because that's led me to realizing yeah i do have this massive abandonment wound i do have this desperation for men to choose me and i think once you know like you're saying like once you know you're like okay well now now i can understand things a bit better now i can deal with stuff a bit better and it can if you in your early 20s and you feel like you should have everything figured out we're both in our 30s and it's taken us this long to be able to realise something and learn it's not I'm at 21 if I'm going to have issues forever then I will and we're both stories that can tell like we're 30 I just started to realise our attachment problems and where they're stemming from how do you differentiate like being healthy and just

wanting like normal like validation like everyone naturally wants to feel a little bit wanted. So how do you know now, like when that's the healthy thing kicking in when you meet someone or whether it is like actually, no, this is back into the old kind of habit. Attachment styles, yeah. I think so a big thing I learned from relationship coaching was to really tune into how your body feels when you're around somebody so when I got back into dating and say I would go on a first date with somebody I would really ask myself how does my body feel around this person do I feel relapsed do I feel at ease with them or am I on edge right and that is the anxiety kicking in and I've had dates with people where I'm like no I feel on edge like they're talking to me people where I'm like, no, I feel on edge.

Like they're talking to me and there's nothing wrong with them. But I feel on edge. Like I was on a third date with a guy and it had all been going really well. And something switched and I felt so uncomfortable around him. Like I had like butterflies, anxiety. I felt like really overcome with something. And I was like, I don't want to be here i don't i don't want to be here anymore like i don't want to be with him but if that had been before relationship coaching i would have

brushed it off and i would have just said like oh you're just not feeling well or you know this is just your anxiety creeping in whereas i feel like if we tune into our bodies our bodies tell us so much before our brain does like your body like your body can recognize something and when you're talking to somebody that your brain can't consciously comprehend but your body is saying oh do you know what your flags yeah yeah it's like when you've got your intuition or your gut feeling like i think we really need to tune into that a lot more yeah and just stop trying to make excuses for the way that our body's feeling like you said you could have just said i'm not feeling well or it's just my anxiety. When I ended it with the last boy that we spoke about in episode one, the next day my brain was quiet

and it had not been quiet like that for the entire time that I'd been seeing him. And when it ended, I was like, oh, that's a relief. He made my brain so overactive. I was like, I should have listened to that earlier on. That's really weird that you're saying that because it's the same guy I spoke about in episode one. I remember texting him when he actually called it off,

which I should have taken that control ages before, but here we are. And I actually said, you know what, I'm so relieved. You must have just been so bad for me because I'm just so relieved. Just everything that I had worried about that he was doing and how he was treating me and how he was behaving I was right the whole time the gut is always right no matter how no matter what it is

has it ever been wrong listen to your body ever yeah listen to your body listen to listen to yourself 100% you've only got yourself that you can trust so stop trying to trust everybody else except for your own body that's what it feels like we do and with the what you guys have been talking about like the the stuff that stemmed from childhood I know that you've spoken on your Instagram about having that like inner critic how have you been able to like rewire your brain a little bit to stop having those negative thoughts yeah I mean that is the hardest thing isn't it like I think the biggest thing for me is when i realized that because right my brain is on a constant narration right mine too yeah from from the moment i wake up till i go to sleep it's like a story right a constant story in my head and i just always grew

up believing well what i think about is true okay so when i have all these thoughts of oh emma you're really stupid oh emma you shouldn't have done that that or Emma they think you're like you're really embarrassing all of this stuff you just think it's true but once I realized and got told that actually your thoughts are not facts so whatever you think doesn't mean that it's true so when now I have thoughts and it might be oh Emma like you're unlovable I kind of I tried to observe it doesn't always work but I tried to observe it and say okay just because I've thought that doesn't mean that it's true and I always look for evidence so what is my evidence that I am unlovable and let's be honest all the time you'll come back and be like there is no evidence yeah it's just it's just a recurring thought that I

have in my head but because you've thought about it from such a young age you just grow up and you just think oh it's true yeah and it kind of goes back to what I said in a previous episode about make your own narration and closure for something when it ends you kind of have to again narrate your brain to be like well why in a breakup sense for example he broke up with me because i'm this i'm to this i'm too business like i'm don't sit in my feminine energy enough no like rewire it he did it because of you know he's got his own shit or he's got you know maybe emotionally unavailable you've got to like rewire it then put it all on you obviously take accountability where you need to but yeah i think that's an important note

look at the evidence I think yeah and always question your thoughts yeah that yeah that's a big thing now talking about all of this you we found you online so you have started talking about all of this online my question to you that I'm really intrigued about is has talking about dating so openly online affected your dating life because yeah personally personally from my tiktok when people are really great and then they tend to follow me on instagram or find my tiktok and most of the time they get put off or they make a comment and even a guy found my daisy dates podcast and i was a bit, well, there's no point talking to him now because they find it a little bit strange. So I've never told anyone that I'm dating about my Instagram.

I wouldn't either. Well, no, I don't tell them, but they find it. Oh, they find you. I won't tell people about my Instagram. I tell them that I don't have Instagram. Maybe that's what I should do. Maybe that's what I should do. But obviously, when you're meeting online, people need to find out you're a real person well I have two separate Instagram a personal and a work so I should give

them a personal and don't put anything on there or I I think sometimes so I used to say I don't have Instagram and then I thought oh okay that makes me sound really dodgy so then I said I do have Instagram but I don't post anything so there's no like there's no point in following each other which most labs say yeah so true i i mean look in my most recent dating escapades i've never got past date three okay so it's never been like a massive thing i think if it went further down the line it's probably something i would open up to them about but i think similar to you i would be like what are they gonna think like well because I have like stress that the last boy that I was dating can see all of these because we worked together so he was already following Meg it was already there when like this all happened and I'm like oh he's gonna listen and

he's gonna hear what I'm saying and was saying okay so I'd rather them just not know so that I can just be as open and honest with the audience as possible without having to think what they're gonna think yeah but people find stuff like TikTok's very easy to be found exactly and I've had people be like oh you're that girl on TikTok so that's a little bit of a weird one but then I'm like there's people with hundreds of thousands more followers than me so and they're dating so I tell like I'm like if you if you can't deal with it it is my my job like I speak for living I'm you know I'm a presenter so if you can't deal with that side of it they're probably not the one for me anyway but how have people responded as in you know women and men followers as well how have they responded to the content that you put out because you're so

real and honest and open they love it yeah like I only started talking about dating by accident really like I just put up like so like I'm going to take a plunge I'm going to join online dating I just started sharing like screenshots of like like things men would write on profiles and honestly the dms that I would get from people being like oh my god like this is the content I want to see and then I would put up about going on dates and everyone was invested everyone was invested people love it because people love to be nosy and even people in relationships like to live through others still dating absolutely so then I thought you know what like people actually want to listen to this kind of stuff so that's

when I started sharing all the times that every time I would go on a date I would do like a story before and I'd be like right I'm getting ready and then I would you know if I could share something when I was out on the date and then I would do like a date debrief like and I would I'd be quite in depth about it and I'd be like right this happened this happened this is how I'm feeling and yeah the feedback that I got from people men as well they were like yeah absolutely love it yeah I think what you're saying needs to be heard because you're doing so much work you've got so much of an insight you articulate yourself really well see it's the debrief of the date for me that men have found when I've done a debrief on TikTok then they've like oh you said we were going on a second date but I've seen on your TikTok that

you're going to go on a second date but you're not sure so should we go on a second date and I thought this is so embarrassing like you forget that it's out there in the world um but again I think it's really important to speak about your experiences because the reason I started my TikTok was I was like I can't be the only girl getting ghosted and here I am and I'm definitely not and it does help people they need to hear it like else dating is such a lonely thing otherwise if it's just you and a guy and you don't have you know if you've got lots of married friends that don't understand it's important to be able to share how hard it can be in this current day and age and we've spoken a lot about your healing journey where would you say you're at

now in your current stage oh that's a question isn't it yeah I didn't warn you about that one just some surprises there Daisy's whacking up um I do you know what i feel like he you never come to the end of healing i feel like healing is is a lifelong thing because something's always going to crop up um and i feel like for me i've done as much healing as i can as a single person okay i think my next step of healing will be when i'm in a relationship because you are gonna get triggered when you're in a relationship because you are going to get triggered when you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter how healed you are going in there. Something is going to trigger you. So I know that's going to be my next step when I find that person and stuff arises, my anxious attachment comes out to play. That's when I know that I'll have a lot more stuff to work on.

It's human because when you meet somebody somebody even if they've done the work you're still humans that are trying to live together and it's always going to be hard but you're doing the work and that's the most important thing I think yeah and I think it's important to navigate that it is still normal to have issues with people and problems and feelings that come up we can't put everything to a name like oh this is my anxious attachment like sometimes we're just human and you get a feeling and it's just an emotion and that's what we're here to feel so I think that's important as well to recognize that yeah healing is an ongoing process but also you're also just you and the emotions that you feel are really really valid and I always say that they're my partner our partners

are out there and I'm so excited for them because we've been doing the work and you're you're so lucky to have us when you want to appear no they literally are so lucky honestly I've got a finale question for you okay for both for all of us um we can be I haven't prepared okay right and my finale question is would you have changed anything about your dating journey so far oh no I love it my instinct answer is no because I feel like your dating journey life in general is a journey right and it always leads you to where you need to be so all of my past experiences be it positive or negative they've led me to where I am now and where I am now is where I need to be and you're still with the relationship coach now no I finished you finished right okay and

now you'll put all that into practice when you meet somebody yes and now I'm like doing it all on my own are you with your therapist yes still with my therapist but yeah the relationship coach I've ended with okay and you oh would I change anyone's dating journey I'll flip the question to her yeah I love being on this side um you know what I've got to agree I don't think I know I wouldn't change anything about my dating journey I think everything happens for a reason fate is fate however I am trying to work on not being so negative about dating a common conversation I'm having at the minute particularly with I don't want to give them air time on this podcast but with a lot of the Andrew Tate stuff coming up online and lots of different opinions that you're seeing online but like genders versus

each other women versus males I'm trying to not get sucked up into the negativity of our like men don't like career women and men are looking for this like we've got to stay positive everyone has to stay positive that there truly is someone out there for everyone and it's just about finding them and that's the numbers game absolutely I think I wouldn't change my dating I don't know if I would have done such a large break so I chose to be single for seven years I don't know if I would do such a large break and I also wish I knew about attachment styles earlier if I could change anything because in six months that I've learnt

that I'm a fearful avoidant, I feel like I'm already halfway to secure just by knowing what it was and questioning those thoughts. So I wish I would have learnt about that sooner. But hey, you can't regret it. No. Well, I think that's good.

We're learning. We're moving. It's all we can do, right? Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining us. Where can people follow you? well I think that's that's good we're learning we're moving that's all we can do right absolutely thank you so much for joining us where can people follow you so I am on instagram at eating her feelings I love the name thank you yeah I really do and I think the stuff that you're doing is really needed so thank you for coming on I think this will help a lot of people you've given me some bombshells to think about that's for sure so check yourself thank you so much thank you for

having me you're so welcome and uh we'll stay in touch keep updated with your healing journey and hopefully the lovely man that you meet very very soon i'll let you know when he comes along we're gonna all be married yeah you can follow us wherever you go to get your podcasts we're also on tiktok instagram daisy dates podcast and we've got a facebook group which is daisy dates but that is actually uh just for women because i'm keeping that safe space for women to overshare their dilemmas and be there for each other but everywhere else everyone is and we will see you next time