Danny Jones Podcast - #99 - I Farted on the Cops | Craig Conant

Episode Date: June 29, 2021

Craig Conant is a stand up comic based in Los Angeles who hosts a weekly podcast called "Community Service". https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCWyoI2WadMbBop_s7CDJLyA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

World's on fire. Yeah. You just got to keep moving. All right, Craig. Well, thanks for doing this, dude. I appreciate you coming down. I know you're only here for a couple days in Tampa, but... Thanks for having me, man.

Absolutely. So what's your story? What's your background? Where are you from? And how long have you been doing comedy? I'm Los Angeles, born and raised. Born in Harbor City and raised in Torrance and Lameda. And then I'm half Mexican, half white.

Half a white boy German English Mexican My dad's wife My mom's brown And yeah Just Got in the game at like

25 or 26 I did improv first Before stand-up Because I was terrified of it At the second city And then after I went through that program I started hitting stand-up pretty hard And that was

probably about nine years ago So I guess in the game Like a decade or 11, but stand up consistently. I don't really count the first two years because I did it like twice a year, you know. I don't know what to call that. But I'd just say a cool decade. Yeah.

average up or down, I don't know. And then, yeah, it's cracking now. I'm going everywhere. It's a beautiful problem, but yeah, I'm a little homesick. I'm not going to lie, because I'm just gone. All the time, yeah. Yeah. If you look at my flights and shit, it's just like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Just hopping everywhere. Well, you're one of the last comedians that have stayed in California, right?

Like, they all moved out, or they're all moving out. Yeah, good chunk. They're all following the almighty Lord and Savior Joe Rogan. Yeah, I mean, Joe's the man, but I'm, I'm L.A., baby. Hell, so. Yeah. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount. Storage discount. Legacy. How many discounts will you stack up?

Tap the banner or visit usa.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply. Yeah, I think it's actually great. I think it's great. I don't know. There's mixed reviews on the internet. You see a lot of haters out there. I'm like, who cares? I don't think Austin's, I don't think Austin will ever become like, like, like in L.A. or New York. No. But it's a great scene. And it's just leveling out the playing field. I don't even know who said that, but I heard that.

And it's right. It's just creating another hub. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Like, people are such a hater. It's just creating more work for everybody. Right. That's fucking awesome.

Yeah. And when the big dogs leave, it gives, you know, the up-and-comers chance to rise up. So it's a win for everybody. Right. And then there's more work here and there's more work here. There. And everyone talks shit. I'm like, you idiots.

Yeah. It's literally a win-win. And you're talking shit. Comics are the most hateful people on Earth. Dude, I was listening to Tim Dillon's podcast a couple weeks ago, and he was talking about how much he hates Austin. That guy is so fucking funny. Dude, it's insane.

He goes, he goes, I'm fucking done with this hellhole. He's like, the food sucks. You got to put in your reservations seven weeks early to eat some shitty brisket. And he talks about the shitty rivers you float around it. Terry Black's barbecue is the best barbecue I've ever had in my life. So he's wrong about that, but he's right about everything else. That man is so funny.

That guy just spits fire, bro. I'm a huge fan of his. Oh, dude, I was dying laughing. I love Austin, and I've worked there a few times. But, you know, but, you know, I went down by the freeways. It's a bit of a shithole, but I'm not, you know, so is L.A. I'm not wondering. Like, there's just homeless epidemics happening, and, you know, my heart goes out.

to them but yeah it's just sad and awful there's just needles and shit and and uh some guy on this podcast i believe connor wonders he said like jo rogan ruin austin he was a joke but he's like the homeless you know was in l a and then he moved to austin and he's like it came with they followed him it was funny because i was like it looked like it's true you know but it's obviously not it was a joke yeah i just started following one of those is that instagram profile all about like gutter people it's called gutter people of los angeles it's so sad it's so sad And sad and dark but fascinating. Yeah.

It's like, I don't want to watch it, but you're just like, it's crazy. Yeah, I don't remember it ever being like that. The pandemic amplified it by 10, man. And the cops stopped policing or doing anything about it. And I don't know if that's policy or because they're pissed off. Everyone was protesting against them. But I'd say this. I did notice after the protest, they're a lot slower to,

get to the crime scene, you know? Yeah. And it's just like, yeah. All right, you know, the reason we're talking shit is because of the murder, you know, it seems reasonable to stop shooting unarmed humans. Well, didn't that guy just get sentenced to like 22 years? 22.5.

Should have been 30. Yeah, he just got sentenced last yesterday. The max was 30 and he got 22.5. Anyways, that shit's fucking awful. And he'll probably only do 10 if he behaves. Yeah, he could probably get, he'll probably get a roll, out like after 10 years or something. 10, maybe, who knows, 15?

Yeah, I don't know how cops do in prison, but I imagine it's not good. If he makes it that long. You think he'll get protective custody? I think he'll get, like, protected. I think he has to, or he'll get chived in the shower for sure. Like day one. Yeah, yeah, I imagine. They'd have to put him in protective custody, I'm sure.

Yeah, I've only spent overnight in jail. I'm, God bless my mama who bails me out. What did you go to jail for? Just stupid shit. threw firecrackers at police officers on horses and stuff like that. Allegedly.

Yeah, yeah. No, it was an accident. Yeah, of course. You know, just that's why you offer me a beer. I was like, I'm retired. That's why. You're not drinking it? You're just don't drink this early. No, I don't drink. I'm sober. Oh, you're sober. Okay. So you used to drink. You had to drink your problem.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Hence the story of the firecrackers. How old are you? 37. 37. Okay. Cool. So how long have you been sober? It's going to be eight years, August 10th, but I started smoking weed like three months ago.

So I'm California sober or whatever. Three months ago. Uh-huh. Wow. Or something like that. I don't even remember. But very recently, yeah, the pandemic hit and just some, you know, dark shit. And I was like, man, fuck this.

I had never, I never, we saved my life from, you know, pills and narcotics. and whatnot and alcohol. So I never really had a beef with it, but I just had to put everything down to get to where I was going because I'm just, I have a voracious appetite, and I like to go hard at whatever I'm on. And I know, like, stoners are critical people, too. Like, I started swung a weed at 12 years old, right?

I'm a huge advocate of pot. But it can ruin your life, motherfuckers. I've seen it happen. There's the guys that just don't leave their home. Yeah. It doesn't ruin your life in this. since you smoke crack and lose your family and your teeth. Right.

But you don't do shit. And I always say this analogy. Like if you're smoking weed like Snoop Dog, but you're not fucking Snoop Dog, put the pipe down, bro. You work at Starbucks, dude. You're not there yet. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Like you live with your mom, bro. Chill out. You know, go get life. Then, Chief up, all you fucking want. Cheech and Chong. Yeah, yeah. And if you ain't Cheech and Chong, if you ain't Whiz Khalifa, if you ain't a Doug Benson, whoever's got a career and is a huge stoner, then chill the fuck out.

Because you're slowing your shit down. And that was my whole point. And all these stoners, you're like, I'm like, dude, I've smoked from 12 to 29. That's 17 years, motherfucker. Like, I'm on your side. I'm just saying, just, you know. Yeah. Balance.

Fucking balance. It's all about balance. No, I'm a super fucking lightweight when it comes to anything, especially weed. Like, I can't, we eat these, I eat these little edibles, these little square edibles that I probably like, I, I don't know, maybe they're 20 milligrams, whatever. My wife can eat a whole one, no problem. She's smoke a joint, eat a whole edible.

I only can eat like a little bit of a quarter of one, or else I'll have a full-blown panic attack. That's like my girl. Like, I, she built her tolerance a little bit. I had five milligram gumming. She took a bite of one. We're watching like fucking Lord of the Rings or something. Of course, right?

And then I look over it, and it looks like she's passed out on heroin, just like this, in her chair. Like this. I'm like, how does that, You ate two milligrams, you know? I'm the same exact fucking way. I'm the same exact way. I did grow up though.

Like I give this analogy too. Like I used to smoke the whole fucking joint to the head. Hey, that's not necessary. You know, now I take like two to four hits. I get a little high. I put it out. I go back to it, you know, two to four hours later. And I'm functioning.

Like I get to work. It helps me with my anxiety and shit. Yeah. And then, but if I smoke the whole, whole joint, then it amplifies my anxiety and I'm just in my head like, I suck. Yeah. I'm not funny. You know, like that.

And it's so weird how like just a little bit's perfect. It just, it makes life easier, foods better, sex better, all that shit. A lot of bit, you're just like, oh my God. What's the symptom? Remember the dude told us the Simpsons quote? The Simpsons character said, I don't even need drugs to enjoy this just to enhance it. Yeah, yeah. I think it's curly maybe.

but yeah no you gotta like it's like a fine line you gotta be able to dance it's it's hard sometimes you know it's you gotta either you can't take too little you can't take too much as long as you're like dancing like a fine line it like just benefits like work especially for me yeah like work like if i'm even like doing something like editing or whatever and i eat like or smoke the perfect amount or eat the right amount of an edible i could just be like hyper focused on something it's fabulous it's fabulous i even noticed my girl my fans my podcast producer noticed they're like like you speak better you know like it slowed me down to where i could actually spit my words out correctly and then uh and uh obviously those sometimes it was too high and was not the case but uh you

know when it was that perfect little balance just a couple hits some good sun and soil organic cush you know i'm a hippie i like i like a what's the name of your podcast community service community service that you guys do no research huh no i know i was i was just teeing up for it so uh how many Do you do you do upset every week or how often you do? Yeah, I do a weekly episodes. Community Service drops every Wednesday. I dropped the ball on this tour a couple times just because I've been gone like the whole month. But as soon as I get back to LA, I'm a stack episodes and that will never happen again.

Do you do them remotely most of them or do you a lot of them? I do it in person? Yeah. Oh, cool. I saw you had Bill Burr. You were in talking about it. That was the one remote podcast I did because it's Bill fucking Burr. Right.

Any of my friends asked, want to do Zoom? I'm like, no. Bill Burr like, okay. You're not Bill Burr. It's way harder. It's techno. I like it costs more money. I'm just like, nah, man. Like you get down to my place.

Come over here. Yeah. Bill Burr wants to do Zoom. He can do Zoom. I'll fucking Zoom from Mars. Right. Whatever you want. Yeah.

Fuck it. Yeah. What was that like, man? That was cool, huh? I was shitting my pants, dude. I am just so lucky that he saw my shit on the internet. And then he likes me. Did he reach out to you?

Yeah. Well, I asked him. Well, I did like 20 shows with them. And when you're, I worked at Comedy Store, Laugh Factory Improv and Hollywood and shit. And I'd emcee a lot. And I'd get to work with big dogs like Bill Burr or Joe Rogan and Sarah Silverman, all, you know, so dope. And so I work with him in that capacity a bunch. But when you're the MC, they don't see your set because they show up later and you do your time.

You do 10, 15 up top. And he's usually up last, you know, like he didn't see. So he knew who I was. was just like, oh, I know that guy's face. Like, I've seen him around, you know, he's always here. He's a comic. Right. And then, and then he saw, later, he saw my shit on the internet.

This is, like, over four years, I maybe did, like, you know, 10, 15, 20 shows. I don't know, quite a bit of shows. Like, and then he saw my shit on the internet. And then he's, he stopped me at the comic series. He's like, hey, man, he's like, I didn't know you were funny. And then, you know, because it's true. It's true. It wasn't a shot or nothing because you don't know until you see someone go up or you see

their shit online. And then he's like, you're, you're fucking weird, huh? And I was just like, I was, I was literally like this. Like, I was like, what is happening? Yeah. I was so happy. He's like, yeah, man, you're funny. And then, and then he flagged me down again. And he told me, he showed his wife, my videos of getting raided. I got raided by the cops and my buddy was the cop pointing a shotgun at my heart. It's a crazy story. Anyway, yeah, it's fucking nuts. And then he saw that. And he said he showed his wife and I was just like my mind, it's exploded. I was like, dude, you're my hero. He's watching your video?

Yeah, I was like, what's happening? Yeah. Like a dream came true. And then I did a couple shows. The pandemic hit. This was pre-pandemic. And then the pandemic hit. And then I didn't see him for like six months until L.A. started to open.

And then I was doing a bar show with him at my buddy Mark Hayes and my Irish buddy. And Josh Adam Myers, another good friend of mine. He was on the show. And I was like, hey, I got my 100th episode of my podcast. cast coming up I want to ask Bill and he's like well does he know you you know like do you have a relationship I was like yeah he he likes me said it was funny he's like yeah fucking ask him then you know yeah um because if you don't have a relationship you're just kind of an asshole yeah it's kind of weird and then I stood up I bring up Josh's name because I credit him for me asking him because I stood up to

go ask him and then I bitched out and I sat back down I was like oh I'm scared I don't know I don't do it and he's like get the fuck up he's like you go ask him and I was like all right and I got up and I was like excuse me you know like like may i please uh would you request uh could you please uh do it and he just said yeah i'll do it what is it you know and i was just like that's how cool he is he didn't even know what it was i was like oh it's my podcast that's so sick and then he's like yeah give me your number and then and then uh i was like what and he said yes and then he's set to do it from a hundredth episode and then he goes hey kid you know what i booked uh snl uh i can't do it can we do it next week And I was like, yeah, man.

Yeah. Of course. Right. And so he ended up being the 102nd episode because he was gone to New York. And he's like, don't tell anybody. It's not announced yet. And I just felt so cool. You know.

I was like, what the fuck planet am I on, dude? You know? And then he did SNL and then he did my podcast. And that's why he's the goat, man. That's so sick. That's so dumb. He goes from NBC, the biggest, one of the biggest most iconic shows ever. Yeah.

To my little hippie. his podcast is helping me out. That's so rad. What a crazy world, man. That guy's the fucking, this shit, dude. God bless him. Now, he's like one of the guys, one of the rare guys, like, that's similar to Tim Dylan in the way that he can just talk by himself, right?

Yeah. He can just, like, sit there and banter forever about and just talk shit. It's so hard to do that and make it that good consistently. Like, I'll do solo episodes, and some of them are hits. And some of them, like, oh, man, I don't know. You know, maybe we'll edit that a little bit. It's so, to keep that for an hour or more by yourself. Yeah, that's hard.

You know, it's so hard. It's why I like to have guests. It just helps, you know. Yeah, I've never done a solo one. I probably never will. It's fucking hard, dude. You better have some notes. Yeah, for real.

That's all I got to say. Those guys just riffed. Just riff gold. And you're just like, what are you guys? Tim's is funny because he can make fun of his producer guy. The guy that sits there with the computer. Like, that's funny because he got that old. I love that guy, too.

He just laughs? Ben, right? Yeah, when he laughs, it just makes it so much funnier, just because you're just laughing at him laughing. Yeah. And he's so, like, mean to him. It's an act, you know? You know, when he fired him for at least Syatt, another buddy,

I hope I pronounce your name rightly. I apologize. My apologies by Bift it. But that shit was so funny, the curb your enthusiasm music. Did you see that? No, I didn't see that way. He got mad at Ben. He fired him, and then all of a sudden it was, it pans the Lee filling in.

Really? Oh. Oh, I did see that. Yeah, I was dying. I was like, oh, no. And I thought it was real for a fraction of a second. Then I was like, nah, that's a bit. And they put the music in there?

Yeah. Yeah, it's classic. Dude, they're great. So what happened with your friend sticking a shotgun in your chest? What's that story? I was living in Culver City, and it feels weird telling it on a podcast. Do you not really do that? No, no, I do it.

It's a great story. I don't want to ruin your pit or whatever. No, no, no. It's already posted on the internet. And that was like 10 years ago. I wasn't even, I maybe had done stand-up twice when I did this story at the Moth, the Moth Storytelling, Grand Slam, I don't know. Anyways, I was at classes at UCB for improv and storytelling,

because I was scared of stand-up still. That's why I went to that world. And then my friends were like, hey, come to the Moth Storytelling Show. And I was like, all right. And then I put my name in a bucket. and it was uh the theme was getting duped like tricked or whatever and i was like well i got raided yesterday and it was the wrong house you know so that's like a dupe i don't know and and then uh so when i told the story at the moth like a decade ago i got raided the day before so i got

rated and then i told the story so when you watch it and i'm so raw and green like i forget what i'm talking about and i'm just like i'm in the middle of the story and i'm just like i'm fucking love you guys, you know, because I don't know where I'm going, you know, like, you can see the greenness in me, but it's funny, you know. And then, and then I'm just telling a true story because those, you know, it's hard to mess those up. Anyways, I, uh, I was working at, I'm going to tell the whole long story. That's not the green version. Uh, I was working at Trader Joe's and I was training my coworker. I bring that up because, uh, I was a mad stoner back then, and he's, and we're on lunch break and I'm training him and he's, he's a little shifty. He's, he's a

tweak or fool, you know, but he's my people, you know, he's Latino, and then, and, and then I was like, one, smoke a bowl, we're on lunch break, and I pulled a fucking weed bowl out, like a normal human being, he pulled out the pooky pipe, speed, meth. I had never smoked meth in my life at that point, and then I, he's like, you want to hit, you know, and everything in my mind, body, and soul said, no, but I'm an addict. I was like, all right, you know, and I took a little hit, and I was like, oh, that's good, but, you know, that's good you know and uh i was a good worker that day let me tell you yeah and then uh you know i was like yeah i want more and then i i went to his house and it was in the fucking hood it was

like hoover and it was i was just like oh shit this is sketchy as fuck and uh this is l-a you know south central shit or i don't even know where i was but it was in uh wasn't a good neighborhood yeah i was scoring dope and the fucking ghetto birds were up there and i was all paranoid in my head anyways i get home and then and good and me and my buddy do some shit and go out drinking have a good time i say all that because cut to maybe like four or five days later i'm asleep in my bed and i just hear noise and i don't know what it is i'm asleep what it is is is fucking swat team breaking down the gate because we lived in like a back house it was a it was a house but the landlord split it in half so there's a front house and a back house but it was a front house but it

wasn't like a duplex he just did that to create double homes double rent make money so i'm in the back house and uh and i just hear noise and i'm just like i'm waking up you know and i'm i'm blind as a bad i wear glasses and contacts i'm minus like 7.5 is bad i can't see shit you'd be blurry from this distance and i think it's my roommate my buddy playing a prank on me you know and and and i just hear hands in the air and and then i'm reaching for my glasses and i hear hands in the motherfucker and I'm just like who is this you know like this and then and then you threw in the motherfucker

yeah yeah oh yeah and then they fill up uh this window and this window and this window to my little studio back bungalow whatever you could call it and uh and then I'm just like oh shit you know like what the fuck yeah and all I kept thinking is like oh the math guy you know because I was selling a little weed

little fireworks little mushrooms but nothing yeah I'm no Pablo Esquire it was like quarter pound of weed, an ounce of mushrooms, some Roman candles, firecrack, you know, the basics. The basics, just the necessities. Yeah. And then they go open your door because I had a dab bolting shit, you know, and then I opened the door. And there's a Culver City cop pointing a shotgun at my chest. And then I just go, Chris?

And he goes like this, Craig, and he pulls his gun back. And it's my buddy, Chris Caraballo. I went to, I'm not sure I was supposed to say his whole name. I keep fucking that up. I'm sorry, Chris. Anyways. We can edit it out. Yeah, just bleep his last name.

And he's, he's, I've known him since I was 12 years old. Yeah. I played little league with him, maybe even younger. I went to middle school, high school with him. He's my buddy. Yeah. And I'm, I'm not, he's fucking raiding me. We went down different paths, you know?

Yeah, totally. And then I'm just like, help me. Right. What's fucking happening? No. And then he handcuffs me. And in my act, I say like that motherfucker, you know, he put them on loose he really did because i've been cuffed up three times prior yeah they put them tight as fuck

fuck them man they crank them on so hard you get nerve damage they cut you i literally got locked up twice before overnight you know and then i'd go to work trader joes and i couldn't even like ring people up i was like my wrist you know i couldn't stock apples yeah oh i was like they're like stop getting arrested i'm like i'm not trying to oh my god that's anyways that's why i'm sober um and then uh And then so he, I'm, uh, I'm like freaking out. And I'm like, dude, I got, I got like weed in there and got, you know, mushroom's there. And he's like, bro, because I see my friend. And he's like, hey, man, stop telling me this, you know.

And then I was like, I got fireworks in there, you know, I'm on probation for fireworks because of the, I, to the firecracker, horse assaulting incident. Another story. And, and then he started laughing. He's like, oh, yeah, the one that made the paper because it made a couple local newspapers. of course he heard about it. And I was like, yeah. And then they bring another cop up and he has a drug sniffing dog, you know.

And then he's like, you got anything? Hit me? I was like, yeah, you know, of course, dude. And then he's like, tell me where it is. We're going to rip your room apart. And I was like, you'll, it's, you know, it's in the dresser. Like, you'll find it. And then, and then they pull me out to the alley.

And I'm just handcuffed with my roommates. And we're just like, what the fuck? You know, we're sleeping. We're in our underwear. Yeah. And, uh, and then, uh, yeah, they were questioning me and they, they surrounded me. And I got really nervous and, and I farted. And I swear on my life, I farted on the cops.

And, uh, and, and my roommate was just like, oh my, I was like, it was an accident. I was just nervous. It was like, I was like, I'm sorry. And then they're just looking at me like, look at this fucking retarded hippie. This guy has your shit is, you know, just farted on me. Yeah. And then, uh, and then. And then later, I, I, uh, why lucky you didn't shit your pants.

I know. Seriously. I was like, can you help me out? Yeah. Spicy. Oh, handcuffed. And then all I kept thinking is I can't go to jail again. My mom's not going to bail me out for a fourth time.

I have to bill my self out. I'm not a man. You know what I mean? The fourth time, I'm like, uh, leave me in, mom. I'm sorry. That's on me. And all I kept thinking is like, I can't miss you. UCB school. I paid $750 for these motherfucking comedy classes.

I know that sounds crazy and like a bit, but that's all I was thinking. I was like, I got to go to school. I got to go to school. I got to get funny. I can't go to jail. I got to fucking clown school. And then, and then I didn't even know this. My good buddy Grant Lyon told me. Because I was in UCB with this guy. He's a great comic. And he's on my show in LA, July 2nd. Come get these jokes. Jammin the Van, West L.A. and then he he said that

I had told because I was like I'm a fucking weird you know addict kid going to these improv classes everyone's from out of town I'm from L.A.

and they're just like what are you? You know what I mean? And then like in that UCB class I'm just an open I'm open you know and I was like dude I smoke math yesterday

for the first time and everyone's like why are you telling this? I was like I don't know and then cut two. too like, man, I got raided. And then just like, everything's adding up. And then later in that class, he told me that I farted and the teacher.

This is right after I got raided. I made it to class because they, I didn't go to jail because they were there for King Mike, the front house. Because he was like a, he was a drug lord running meth or some shit. He had two strikes. The guy who owned the house? No, just the renter in the front house. Okay, okay.

He was a two-time striker. They were trying to strike him out and send him to prison for the rest of the his life. I guess he was dealing like meth and guns and some shit. He had good cush though. I'll tell you what. Did he really? Yeah. And then and then his name was King Mike on the Wi-Fi. I just thought I was funny. And in the act I say his password was thug one, two, three. That's obviously a bit. That's the only fabricated part of the story. And then, fuck, where was that? I don't even remember. Oh, that class, he's talking about smoking meth. Yeah, he told me that I farted, like I didn't even remember this. I farted the same day

in class that I farted on the teacher and I know that sounds crazy but like I got cops witnesses, classmates that vouch for me like it just sounds made up, you know? It's a weird day. Yeah but I always have been a farter and I think it's funny and hilarious. The cop

one was more nerves than anything. Yeah. The class one I forgot and I probably thought it was going to be quiet and it wasn't and she's the teacher's like, are you fucking serious? Did you just fart? And I was like, yeah. Was it a loud one or a It was a loud one, bro. Yeah.

Yeah, that's why she went. And then I ended up running to my buddy, Chris, the cop, later on the streets. He was just patrolling. I was just like, oh, my God. How crazy was that? Remember when you almost killed me, bro? He was like, yeah. And he said the precinct talked about me for like a month or two.

He's like, remember that dumb hippie that fucking farted on us? And I was like, yeah. Hell, yeah. It's like, you can't even make this shit up. Thank you, God, for all my story. Shit, man. Yeah, dude, it's so wild. Anyways, I got sober.

I'm off narcotics, no alcohol, only weed. I'll never touch a narcotic again. I think it's devil reincarnate. It ruined my life. It just ruined my friend's life. It's killed many of my friends. It's the worst. And in my opinion, alcohol is the fucking worst drug on this earth because it led to all my

narcotic behavior, which I never, no one smokes weed. And then goes, I'm going to go do meth. You know what I mean? You get shit-faced. Yeah. And then some motherfucker goes like, you want some men? And you're like, all right, you know, it doesn't just happen like that. It's 98% of the time it's alcohol.

You think all drugs should be legal? Yes. Yeah, totally. Absolutely. 100%. Legal. Education. You know what they are.

They're clean. They're made. No fillers. No fentanyl. No harmful byproducts. There's rehab facilities. I think everything should be legal unless is murder, rape, and of course, that horrible shit. prostitution should be legal.

Legalize all of it. Whenever you make it illegal, it just makes dark entities take it over. And now I want prostitutions to have unions, retirement plans, mental health care, exit strategies. Hell yeah. Fucking Roth IRAs. Let's get these hos some fucking millions, man. Some retirement plans.

I'm serious. Roth IRAs, baby. For the prostit for the law. Why not? The way it's going now, it's been around since fucking Jesus. The pimps control it. They beat the fuck out of it. They're all constantly.

It's not regulated. They're getting murdered and kidnapped by weird fucking meth truckers, you know, lot lizards and shit like that. Let's legalize this shit. Unionize it. Get them benefits, dental, fucking rehab and exit plans. Hell yeah.

And what's the problem, man? Why is that so crazy? It's not. There's a couple countries that do it, I think. There's a, there's one. I think Holland is the one that lets you shoot up everyone. Did you know this statistic? When prostitution is legal,

rape goes down. Oh, yeah. Yes, that is a real fact. I learned that through comedy. My buddy Greg Romero Wilson did it in a bit. And I was like, is that true? And he's like, yeah. And then I googled it.

And I was like, holy shit. Yeah, it makes sense, right? It also saves women. Yeah. It's crazy. I was in Aruba, and it's legal there. And like, girls would come from other countries there, and it's legal. And they have to come in, check in with a doctor, get paperwork, get tested, get paperwork,

get paperwork signed off that they're clean. And then they can go legal. Yes. Prostitutes. It's amazing. If it's legal, it's done by choice. When it's illegal, that's when they're getting kidnapped and hooked to dope and trafficked. It's fucking insane.

The solution is so simple. Legalize it. Yeah. I'm a big union guy. My uncle's in the union, you know? Is he? Yeah. It's just make a livable wage.

Like, why do people always want to go against the union? Oh, you don't want a hardworking worker to have a life and buy a home and feed his family and have health care? Right. That's fucking America. That's what we're about. Right. It's like, no, no, no, minimum wage.

Make them work three jobs. Yeah. Oh, this country's so stupid. We're the richest nation in the world without health care. Unions are pretty dirty, though. There's some unions up north that are pretty fucking ruthless. Like, Mikey tells stories about some of those unions that would march on his uncle's long. It gets a little mafia also.

But, hey. They start to run certain parts of it and shit. They give me my Roth IRA. I'll look the other way. Right. Hey, whatever. They let me buy my. home from my family.

You know, yeah. Where's Jimmy Hoffa? Yeah. But there's, I mean, aren't there some corrupt motherfuckers on the top of those unions that collect their union dues? Sure. They probably, they probably break some legs here and there. There's corrupt people everywhere. Yeah.

I don't want corruption anywhere, including the unions, but I'm, I'm more okay with that because at least the working man is getting a fair fucking shake, you know? He's getting, it's just crazy how hard you have to work. You know we're in Florida, by the way, because they got a fucking, they're cutting down trees with a chainsaw two inches away from the door. What's crazy is you got the good marks. I got these two is that it feels like it's, of course, it's inside of our brains and it's heckling us. But 98% of the time it doesn't come through. Not too bad. Yeah.

Because I have the same thing. L.A. Just start the podcast. Yeah. Then the neighbor starts mowing his line. God damn it. I love it. I just love leaving it in because this shit always happens over here.

And I just leave it in for the comments. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, it's life. Does the pod, doing the podcast? Does it help your comedy? Does it help your, like, your writing or whatever, like,

work and stuff out? Because I know there's a lot, like pretty much every comic they have podcasts. Yeah, you can flesh out some bits on it. It's quite fabulous. You go on rants, you,

you're able to talk about it longer, which on stage you might not be able to because on a podcast, you don't need laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. In front of a live audience, you're bombing. You're not going to get booked again.

And if you do, if it's just too long of periods without laughter. So, yes, it's beautiful for that. And you see Bill Burr do it all the time. I don't know how to do it on his level and his, that guy just turns a bit. Tim Dillon's same shit. Like, these guys are just fucking geniuses. And it's like, fuck.

They're also 20, 30 years in the game. Right. Yeah, they're veterans. You know, everything comes with time. How much of it is, like, developed skill versus, like, natural-born God-givism? in talent. It's both. You know, there's always Eddie Murphy, you know. That guy was just born,

funny as hell. That guy was just, never left. You're like, he retired from stand-up at 25, you know what I mean? Most people don't make it. They got retired as one of the goats by 25. I'm like, okay, Tupac, you know what I'm like? What the

fuck? But, of course, natural goes way further than anything, but I have seen painfully unfunny comics work extremely hard and get good at it. Really?

It's a muscle. It can be learned. Yeah. It's just like, like, you know, you're bad at math. You take a tutor at math every fucking day. All of a sudden you get good at math.

I've seen bad comics get good. And I respect that you, of course, when anyone bombs that bad, you're like, oh, you can't even look them in the eye. But when they work that hard and they turn it around, I'm like, oh, all right, I see you. God damn, you know, you used to, suck.

Yeah. And now you're good. And that's crazy. But of course, the natural, you know, goofy motherfucker, they just get up there and they just like, yeah, I like this guy, you know. I know people where their aura and energy and presence on stage is way more advanced than their bits. Like, I'm not really a fan of their bits, but I'm a fan of them.

So I still love it. It doesn't matter, you know. And also, they're just, they're just, it's just newer, you know. It's, everything's time. Like, everyone's in such a rush. There's no stand-up comedy. It's just time. You know the analogy, 10,000 hours.

And stand-up, you're trying to get 10,000 hours three minutes at a time. It's not easy. In the beginning in L.A. anyways, you get three to five minutes at open mics. And then, you know, that's two to six years of that, depending on your growth. And then after that, you get 10, 8 to 15, averaging now at about 10. So, you know, I'm 10 years in, and I have a pretty good following and I'm well-liked, and I, you know, I only get 10. I'm not saying I deserve more. I'm just saying I'm just trying to give you an accurate description.

It doesn't matter. Like even Bill Burr, Joe Rogan on the Comedy Star lineup, they get 15. There's just too many comics in Los Angeles. Yeah. And so. Still, even still? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

We, you know, we're like cockroaches. 10,000 leave, 10,000 rise up. you never stop comedy man and uh and it's just crazy what were we talking about i forgot i don't remember i love california though i was hoping that like was that rant going it was a there was a question

we're all stoners like natural born talent being funny oh yeah that was see he had it yeah yeah natural shit always wins but you gotta work hard too you have to right you have to work right there's no shortcuts in this game yeah i was hoping that like maybe enough people from California would move from Texas to Florida and kind of like thin it out there and then maybe like make the price of real estate go up here. I could just sell all my shit here

and go back to California or like go to like San Diego. I like San Diego. I like San Diego. I love San Diego. San Diego. San Diego. Those areas. Sanofi. No free. Ocean. Yeah, my cousin, Don lives down there. I go visit her and I do La Jolla Comedy Store or. Oh, okay. But buddy Josh Nelson's show, he's a producer to have comedy. and produced he has some fire shows and i love san diego it's just like well sometimes i get a little too fucked up p b b is a little bit too much cocaine a little too much liquor a lot of oh you're like you know too many affliction shirts and tank tops i'm like yeah calm down dude we're at the beach oh sorry pacific oh okay okay uh p b san diego pacific oh okay yeah yeah um yeah it's just it's just like hey

we're at the beach no one needs to be that angry you know like cocaine down there yeah yeah Yeah, anywhere with his... We should go. Yeah. There's cocaine everywhere. You're in Florida, dude. You fucking kidding me. I heard the...

What do you think of Florida? I fucking love it. The thunder scares me. Oh, yeah, it was storming here pretty good. Holy shit. It felt like it hit my house. It's a cool time of year because it's like... It just started happening like a week ago.

Yeah. It's been dry for a long time. It's been dry. It hasn't rained once. And like, I feel like it's been 10 months since it's rained. And now all of a sudden, the weather's like this. Every night, it's going to, like, get these thunderstorms in the rain. It's like...

Yeah, I like weather, but it does scare me just because I'm from L.A., born, raised, and I haven't really experienced weather my whole life besides visiting it very shortly, you know. So, like, when it happens, I'm like, oh, but then an earthquake happens, and I don't even leave. I just lay it bad, and, like, everyone's like, you all right? I'm like, yeah, who gives you shit? We've never had an earthquake here. That's crazy. My whole house will be rolling, and I'll be on my phone, like, when's this going?

It's so weird. Really? I don't know why that is. I know I should be scared. I grew up with them. Yeah. So it's like, oh, it's just an earthquake. We haven't had the big one yet.

And of course, you know the story. We're supposed to fall off into the ocean. We're long overdue. That's scary. We're on a fucking fault line. I thought the fault line was up north. And then I googled it very recently. I was like, oh, I'm dead.

What is it like the San Andreas fall? San Andreas fall. It just goes like this. And it's pretty much California would just crack. can just fall into the ocean and I'm just like, oh boy. Yeah, that's a Florida supposed to be underwater by like 2050. Man, they say all that shit. They're fucking lying.

Bro, did you see that fucking building that collapsed in Miami? That's awful. That's where I read it from because they said it was like. No, but did you read the reports? That was negligence. 2018 report said, hey, you need to repair all this shit. There's structural damage in the columns and you need to do it now. Yeah, yeah.

Three years later, not done, people died. Right. Fuck the owner. Hang them. Did they say how many people died in that? His four confirmed dead, a hundred and like 49 missing. Like, they can't even find them, bro. Whole family just disappeared.

Fucked, man. You look at the picture of that building. You can see, like, this kid's bunk bed, like dangling. Whoever said no to the repairs should be shot. Yeah, yeah. Totally. Absolutely. Yeah.

That's a strong. I don't know if that's illegal safe. I think you could say it. Shot with a nerve gun. Yeah, it's comedy satire. Fuck that guy. I think the, like, the laws are that you have to get those, you have to get those inspections,

like the, whatever, the structural integrity inspections every 40 years. 40? 40 is the, I think that's the law for those buildings. Oh, my. It should be, like, at least 20. I mean, four.

It should be 10. I don't know. I'm now a structural engineer, but I sure as hell no, 40 is a long time. time. Yeah. So weave it too long there. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's fucked up. Jesus Christ. I know you build a brand new building and probably don't need inspections for a long time, but, you know, 40. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. That's insane. People just died, man.

No, that is stupid. That's really dumb. No, going back to, going back to, you're talking about cocaine. I heard the best cocaine story I've ever heard my life yesterday on this podcast. This guy told me, he was telling me, he wrote a book about the famous. killing of Sharon Tate, the Charles Manson killings. After he wrote his book,

Marilyn Manson blew up his emails and blew up his fun and was blowing up his public publicist or whatever. And she thought it was fake because he was sending these cryptic emails. And she eventually, they're like, just call the number that he gave us and see if it's really him because the girl's like a fan of him or whatever.

So she calls him and she goes, yeah, it's really fucking him. Like he wants you to come to his house. So he's like, okay, he doesn't really know anything. This guy's older. He doesn't know. He could know anything about Marilyn Manson, but his partner that helped him write his book was like a fan of him as well.

He was like a drummer or something. So he flew here from New York, and they both went to his house. And they got there. Manson was like, don't show up before 11. m. So they show up at like 11.30.

And they get into this like dark dungeon. That's so weird. Why don't you say come over 11.30 p.m. Right, right. Don't show up before 11. Any time after that. Who goes with that? The fuck's going on before 11.

You got a 22-hour window. It's such a weird. It's such a Maryland man's thing. Like, make it just coming over weird. Knock nine times and hail Satan before you enter. Dude. And he said he had all this crazy stuff in there. He said that like when you first walk in the door, he had a life-size cut out.

First of all, he had Taylor Swift blasting throughout his whole mansion. Like he had just Taylor Swift music blasting for two hours. And when you first walk in his door, he had a life-size cut out of Taylor Swift with like blood all down her and like they drew this big vagina on her with like blood and stuff everywhere and you know like he's like he's like canceled right now for some like sexual deviant is being a sexual devian or something yeah his uh his ex-wife came out and said that he did some like fucked up shit but uh and then he also has this baboon he smuggled out of china this like six foot tall baboon stuffed with a giant erection that he bat that he that he uh smuggled out of china he just had a baboon with a

Giant baboon with a giant boner Like in the middle of his living room And he had this crazy shit So crazy A skeleton A human skeleton with a goat head on it Like hanging from the ceiling Yeah, I'm good on that hang

I don't And he lives up That's too dark That's like real Maryland managed shit I thought it was an act bro No it's not an axe bro Goats heads and boner babboons Get the fuck out of here

And you know the story I don't know if you know the story But Zach Ephron went to rehab. He went to rehab. I'm not sure how long ago it was, but he was basically filming a movie, and he got Baker acted in the middle of filming.

Like, he came to set one day, like, really fucked up, and he was, like, super-coaked up and, like, drunk. Damn. They baker-acted his ass. What the fuck's Baker-acted by the day? It's like, what is it, you know? You gotta go to rehab.

Yeah, when they take you, you're, like, too fucked up, they think you're maybe kill yourself suicidal people. Oh, so. Oh, so. Like, he couldn't, it was, he couldn't leave if he wanted to. Exactly.

Yeah, like, against his will. That's the only kind of rehab that works. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I could leave. Yeah, right. Right. I could show up next week. Sure, maybe.

Yeah. And anyways, so Zach Ephron was there partying, and he said that. At Maryland's house? At Maryland's house. Oh, my God. The night before he got baked back party. Everybody's so weird, you know. Up all night.

I guess he's a huge fan of Maryland Manson or whatever. And he reached out to him and he was like, yeah, come over and party with me or whatever. And he was over there for a few days, whatever. And the last night he was there, he was, Marilyn Manson was carving out giant cocaine swastikas and having Zach Ephron

and they were both snorting these giant cocaine swastikas off the floor and in his dark dungeon. And he's like, remind you, he's got this giant palace on top of a hill in like the Pacific Palisades and all the windows are blocked in.

Like he got, he blacked out all the windows so you can't even see out any of the windows. That's such an unhealthy life. I don't like this world. And he's like, he's like in his, 50s, bro, and he's doing this every night.

What the fuck? How are these guys not dead? I don't understand it. I look back at my past, and that does not even come close to what they're doing, and I'm like, I almost died. Like, what? And I got out, you know? Some people are on another level, man.

He's probably been doing it since he was in his 20s. Probably nothing's probably not changed. You can't last too much longer doing shit like that. No, your heart's going to explode. Yeah. Maryland, your heart's going to give it. about. I don't know you, but take a chill pill. Jesus Christ, little weed. That's it. That's it. Wow. That's a great. That's the best

cocaine story I think I've ever heard. Yeah, that's pretty insane, bro. How weird is it to picture Zach Ephron and Marilyn Manson chilling together? The weird, that's what I said. I don't think it's that weird. He hangs out with like Shaila Beef. He hangs out with Nick Cage, hangs out with Johnny Depp. It seems about par for the course, you know. I guess, yeah. Yeah, the partiers. Johnny Depp was a huge fans with Hunter S. Thompson. Oh, yeah. Was he really friends with him?

Oh, yeah. He would live with them for a while. He went and stayed with him for a month or two, or I forgot. But when he was getting ready to tape, Fear and Loathing, he stayed at Hunter's house for a while. And then he came to his friends,

and then they always part. Hunter S. Thompson is the craziest, coolest motherfucker ever. Did you see him on video, just having a shootout with his neighbor? He was the biggest everything. He was like Superman. He was like Superman.

Like he just was. He functioned on it. Fucking a sheet of acid and drink a quart of whiskey and just, like, no one could even tell. Fuck. And just would write. He's a god. Watch the documentary on him, though. It's kind of sad.

They said, like, towards the end, the drugs took its toll and his light got dimmed. And they said he would sit in front of the typewriter later after all the years of drug abuse. And it was like a lightning boat would hit him and he'd go, grr-r-r- and he'd, like, write some genius shit. And then it would, like, stop. And he'd have to wait. wait for it. It was a really cool analogy. Really?

And he blew his fucking brains out with his family home. He said, if Bush wins the election again, I'm going to blow my brains out. And then he did. And that's the saddest shit I ever heard. But he is a man of his work. For sure. With his family home and his son was talking about it. And he's like, it's kind of sad and poetic.

But he's like, that's the way he wanted it, you know. And it was just nuts. What's the documentary called? I don't remember. But just so good. Thompson and he was having a shootout with his neighbor and the guy's just filming it and he's going like this and then his neighbor shoots back and then you just hear and just bullets ricochshane's that I'm my fucking neighbor he's like and they're just having a shootout on like a

sunday and I'm like what is happening here why is what it you're shooting guns at each other guys got a hand can and you just go about your day after that yeah oh yeah like a bunch of documentaries Jeff next door is a real dick Yeah, Gonzo, that's it Gonzo, is that it? So good. Cool. And Gonzo, I don't remember

it's been too long, may have been the name of the lawyer. That's a sick cover. I like the artwork. Who was the lawyer in the movie Fear and Loathing? That was based on a real character. Was it?

Benicio del Toro? Benicio DeLore. Yeah, he was the actor. Yeah, that guy was a real character and they talk about him in the movie and Hunter said he was like a scary man. Really?

He was a lawyer and he was a big, strong dude. He's like, is this guy going to get me out of jail or like murder me? Right. Like, he said he was a man not to be trifled with. It was a very scary guy. So, of course, he hung out with him and did copious amounts of drugs with him. Yeah. Yeah, he was sick, man.

I read a story about him with the Hells Angels before. Oh, yeah. Super gnarly, man. He got the shit beaten out of him. He stayed with them for like a couple months. He did everything they did. Yeah, they beat his ass. Yeah.

He, he, that, did you remember that? I remember that story. I think it was in this. He said, uh, because one of the Hell's Angels was beating his lady and beating his dog. He goes, any man that beats his lady and beats his dog is a punk. Yeah. And the guy was like, you really mean that? He's like, you really mean that?

He's like, yeah. And then they beat the fuck out of them. Yeah. Because they're the Hells Angels, but he was right, you know. And then he went to the-heeled with them, right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, smoked meth with them and fucking partied with them. He went to the cops all bloody and, like, said that Hell's Angels is

beat my ass and they said get out of here you're getting blood on the counter like no one helped god damn and he's still after guys asked he stayed stayed there and hung out i don't remember i don't know after the beating i want to say i would say he chose not to be there anymore i i thought i remember the story going on a little bit but i don't remember seems like drugs go hand in hand with being a creative genius sometimes yes but also death and uh dark shit you know it'll be a it'll be a It'll be a short run, but it'll be a good one. It's a slippery slope. I will say this.

Like, I'm glad I went through what I went through, and I've given this analogy before. Like, I'm a fan of drugs, and they're fucking fun, dude. But, you know, obviously, if they get you, you lose your family, your home, your life, et cetera. Go to jail. Bad shit happens. But I just, like, obviously, you can't tell kids not to do them. That doesn't fucking work.

But, like, I just say, like, I dove all in and went, like, crazy. but I had my hand on the side of the swimming pool. Like, don't, don't let go. Right, right, right. If you go all in, you're fucking toast. You saw, you've seen where it goes. Yeah. It's nowhere good.

There's no happy endings. I mean, even Keith Richards. He's like the one guy that hasn't, that's been on heroin for 50 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The rest are dead. It's unreal. There's one guy. Yeah.

What do you think his secret is? He's got reptile blood. I don't know. I don't fucking know. He's got a really good dealer, that's for sure. Well, he said that he does the same amount, no matter what. He's not going overboard. He doesn't, you know.

Okay. That's what he's been quoted saying. I don't know. And he can quit whatever he wants. Yeah. So it's no big deal. But just, you know, of course you want to experience shit. We all do.

We're curious as fuck. But just have an exit strategy. And, you know, like I've heard all these stories before, and they're jokes you hear in AA or the program and you know like don't try Coke because like the joke is like I tried it once for five years yeah like no one does it once it once it's just trouble it's like hey you want a bump give me the A ball give me the A ball one's too many and 500's not enough yeah exactly you know the sayings it's true they're sayings for a reason but I'm a fan of natural you know what god makes sun and soil seed mushrooms weed yeah it's been a part of of our culture, you know, from ancient civilizations. Well, Coke's from nature.

No, the cocoa leaf is from nature. The cocoa leaf is from nature. And you put it in your cheek and you chew on it like tobacco and it's like coffee. It's like strong coffee. Then we cook it in a laboratory and make it crack cocaine or cocaine powder and sniff it, shoot it up and smoke it. We pour diesel fuel on it. That's not natural, bro. That's not natural.

That changes things a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. There's definitely more. I mean, I've talked about it. Like, there's like a weird stigma on uppers versus downers. Like, weed and mushrooms.

Like, it's easy for people to talk about, like, casually doing something. Because have you seen meth heads, bro? Yeah. Have you seen meth? Have you seen hippies? Little different. Yeah. Little different.

Yeah. It's like no one's ever proud of being high on meth or high on coke. But weed and mushrooms and that kind of stuff, LSD, like, the trippy stuff is, is different. Like, you can be proud of it. Because it most, I mean, unless you fry your fire your, fucking brain, which I've seen happen too. It kind of changes you for the better. Yeah.

I remember the first seeds ever planted of sobriety where as a teenager on mushrooms. And I never had that thought in my life. I didn't even know that was an option with my family and on both sides, you know, everyone just partied. And then, like, you do little mushrooms. You're like, man, what am I doing? Like, I need to be better. Like, I'm going to hug my mom.

Tell her I love her. I'm going to get off these pills. Like, what is this is poison, you know? Yeah. And then, of course, the high goes down. and then I just take the pills and forget about it. But I just, I never thought that until mushrooms. Yeah.

And unfortunately, it took me about a decade to get out of that. Pills and Coke and whatever, you know. I was just a partier. Like, people say, what was your choice? Obviously, Oxycontin, Norco's opioids. They just love that. But like, I was like, I think down here too. Like, whatever.

Like, what's at the party? Like, it doesn't matter. What you got? No, we hit AC, Austin. Yeah, what's I going to say? Do you still take mushrooms or no? I started micro dosing, so I haven't been high yet. But so yes and no.

That has, you know, this pandemic, I obviously hit the fucking world hard, but it started, my mental health went down, bro. And I was like, oh, fuck. And I didn't want to get on head meds because I was on pills for a fucking decade. And I was like, no, I don't even like take an aspirin now. And I, you know, not that head meds can be great for certain people. I've just seen friends literally kill themselves on them when switching meds. I'm like, I don't trust that, you know. And so I was like, fuck that.

What are natural alternatives? So I started taking cold showers, ice bath, swimming in the ocean, breath work, microdosing, you just take like 0.2.3. It doesn't get you high. It just kind of stirs your little, you know, and it fucking works, dude. Does it? So good. Oh, my God.

Well, I started doing it because all my friends started doing it. And people I trust and, you know, they're not burnouts and shit. And, and I started, I listened to something on NPR where, like, CEOs and execs were microdosing. Like Silicon Valley people? Yeah. And I was like, all right, that guy's worth $2.2.2 billion. And he's taking a microdose. I'm going to look into this, you know?

He's not smoking crack. Yeah. And then I tried it. And it fucking hell. You just do it, like, every third day. And you're not, if you're microdosing every day, you're doing it wrong, you know? Like, it's not meant like that. And it just stirs your little happy juices just enough.

lights you up and now that it's kind of being decriminalized in a lot of states they're doing us more and more scientific studies on it and it's really just showing profound effects with uh war veterans soldiers uh schizophrenia drug addicts uh it's it's you know of course take that with a grain of salt the drug addict can also eat a quarter every day and ruin his life you know like it's it's uh i'm at a different place in my life to where i was that's why i'm made the decision to start dabbling in weed and microdosing because I was like I did seven years 100% with nothing. So I built my foundation. I felt like I developed enough. I'm still scared. I'm still at least smart enough to know I can't have a beer, you know. Yeah. I'm sorry for

putting me some for a bra. Are you kidding me? I couldn't go to my family's house. I'm fine. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh shit. It's like I'm not. No, it's okay. It's all right. I know where at least i'm good uh but yeah um i don't remember where i was going just it's been been very very very beneficial yeah to me and my mental health and anxiety and depression during this dark year we've all had i had a i had a guy on here this uh filmmaker dude who made a really famous youtube documentary called florida man a few years ago right and uh anyways he uh he's really being into mushrooms now and now basically every project he works on is all about tripping on mushrooms. Like he's dedicated his life to it. He's a

podcast where he's tripping every single morning every fucking morning. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a bit. That's a lot. It's a bit much. He's hard core into it. And he talks like he told the story about his dad how his dad was super depressed. His dad had PTSD and his dad still lives here. He lives in LA.

And he eventually convinced his dad to try mushrooms. He's like it changed his dad's life. Yeah. It does. It completely changed it for the better. He's like no more suicidal thoughts, the dude was happier, like he literally changed his life. There's so many stories like this. There was that one fighter guy, they documented it. He, he was, you know, an MMA guy.

I don't remember his name. I'm sorry, dude, but he had CTE and brain damage from fighting, you know. And he was taking pills because he's all fucked up because of fighting, you know, head meds and pain killers. He's a huge dude, so he's taking way more than everyone else because he's a huge fucking dude. And he's drinking like 40 beers a day, he said. Because he's fucking 280 and it just takes anyways he was ready to kill himself and he has a family

He's like I can't do that but every thought I have is just like end it end it end it Because he's in so much pain and then he said he took a hero dose of mushrooms which is seven grams where you go to a hero dose That's what it's called they call it a hero dose where you go to I call it cuckooosville yeah But he went there and they filmed it and he thought he died and he's like I'm dead It's kind of funny and sad I'm fucking dead He's like But then he comes back

And he comes down And then they do a follow-up He's like oh my God I stopped drinking I stopped taking pills My suicidal thoughts are gone Wow You know

And it's like a reset button And the same exact story Pretty much I heard from Like an army ranger guy That went to war And you know Did war shit

And he's fucked up Yeah And this guy was a smart dude That's uh Of course I forgot his name You know But uh I'd have to Google it

But he's He said that he was just same thing. Sad, depressed, suicidal, and he didn't start out that way. This guy graduated college, went to, like, West Point after that shit. He's like a fucking elite soldier, you know, he's like, I need to do something about this. So he started traveling the world and doing ayahuasca, mushrooms, toad, lick the toe. He did all of them. And he said by far the most, the best one he did was Ibogaine.

Ibogene. I believe he's in Peru or something. And he said that, you know, it's the same as like a hero dose. You go there, you know. And he said, Father Ibelgaine appeared before him and said, like, breathe. And he breathed. And he said it, like, took all the negative dark energy out of them. And he said he's never felt such a release like that in his life.

And after that, he was like no suicidal thoughts, no PTSD, no anxiety. Wow. And so then I just. did some research in the hippie communities, I believe, all this shit. But like, ayahuasca, it's mother ayahuasca. You know, there's always male and female and, and everything in between. And you got to say that, you know. Non-binary. Yeah. And then, so there's mother ayahuasca and father ibogaine. It's, you know, the male and the female. And then he said, that's why he thinks the ibogaine was more beneficial than the ayahuasca, because it got rid of all that toxic masculinity

baggage. Although I am a fan of masculinity and being a man just, you know, not the toxic shit. I think like it's so, it's, everyone just makes it so divisive. It's like, fuck masculine. It's like, no, no, no. Masculinity's good. Build a house. Provide for your family.

Hunt. You know? Toxic masculinity is bad. Like, let's, there's a fucking difference. You know, everything is so weird now. Why are you to vote for our Caitlin Jenner? I don't even know. I don't know who the options are. She's ready to transform California.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of anyone that gets away with vehicular manslaughter. Yeah. You know? Because they're rich. Yeah. For sure. I can't imagine. I can't imagine a world where Caitlin Jenner is the governor.

And, I mean, who would be her vice? I mean, the Terminator was. Yeah, that's right. The Terminator was. But he's pretty cool. that one I'll give a pass because Terminator 2, bro. Yeah, Terminator is a Terminator. I don't think I was old enough to vote, but I ain't going to lie.

I'd be like, T2. Yeah. Dude, that's the great. I can watch any day, every day is the best action movie I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. So good. She still holds up. God damn, James Cameron.

You're fucking genius, bro. I forgot James Cameron made that. He's made the best movies. I heard he's a big dick, but who cares? when you make that good, thank you, sir. God bless this guy. Awesome.

When you make that good of movies, you could be a dick. Hell, yeah. I don't give a fuck. I won't speak up. Yeah. God damn. Yeah, I completely forgot

that he made that that was one the fucking best goddamn movies. That's the one where he ends with the thumb up and he goes in the lava. Yeah. Terminator 2, greatest action movie ever. T2.

But maybe John Wick. Those are my two favorites. I haven't even seen John Wick. Oh, I got to go. That's what I've been telling him for so long. So long I've been telling him, shoot-em-up movie I've ever seen in my life. Keanu Reeves so badass.

So fucking dope. Do you have to watch them, like, in sequence? No, it's a gun movie. It doesn't need to. It has a storyline, but it's all the same. Yeah. He just kills everybody. The first one actually is somewhat realistic.

Yeah. After that, I hate the fans, too. Everyone's a hater. They're like, he didn't even, it's like, it's a movie, guys. It's unrealistic. He took on 9,000 minutes. Yeah, it's a fucking movie. Right.

It's action. Just enjoy it. Obviously, it's not realistic. Right. It's insane. Yeah, they're awesome, man. I like it. I want to see it because Bobons in it.

The dude from the Mavs, the tall dude. He is? I don't remember him. Is he? Yeah, he's a bad guy. I've seen the scene where he's in a grocery store and, like, John Wick beats his ass. He's like an eight-foot tall, big, giant-looking guy. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I didn't know that guy was a ball player. Yeah, he's a pro basketball player. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, he's great, dude. Yeah, watched. John Wick. I'm going to.

I'm going to watch the night. Start there. But it doesn't matter. All right. I'll watch it tonight. But it's so good. I'm going to binge him tonight. It took him forever to get me to watch trailer park boys, too.

I just started watching trailer park boys. Oh my God. I love that show. It's so good. Rest in peace, was it Randy? It's all right. Jim. Jim.

Jim. Jim Lehi. That's right. Did he just die? Yeah. He died a year or so ago. Yeah. He or two ago.

Dude, that show is so funny. John Dunsworth. Yeah, it's funny as fuck. You got to be super. Bubbles. You got to be fucking stuff. Fucking bubbles, dude. That's what nice fucking kitty right there.

Yeah, they're classic characters, man. And you can see the evolution of the show. If you watch it, like, from the beginning, it's, like, so grainy and, like, you filmed it with your little handheld. Yeah. And it gets... That's the perfect example. Those guys just made something out of nothing.

Not of nothing. You know? At all. Fucking camera. The production on this show is better than them in the beginning. A hundred times. Yeah. And then it just, they're funny.

And then it just kept going. Yeah. Just like some friends made some shit on K-K-W. It was just like fucking C-K-Y, right? Oh, yeah. They started like C-K-Y. Oh, dude, I watched that in high school. Oh, yeah.

That was everything to us, though. That freestyle, but that one full of yellow. Yeah, Brandon. Yeah. Brandon, Nickamello. Dude. Oh, man. C-K-Y's what got me started and everything.

Everything. All my buddies started jumping off buildings. Yeah. But we didn't even film it. It was just for pain. Really? We're so stupid. We filmed it.

Yeah, luckily, Danny filmed everything. I started filming. We didn't have a camera. Bro. We just have the memory. Yeah. And the broken bones. Oh, my God.

We got in so much fucking trouble. I feel like that, CKY era, when they start making those document, those videos and post for those, selling the DVDs, that was awesome. That must have inspired so many fucking kids.

Oh, yeah. Millions. I mean, I met Dunn at a club once. Really? Yeah, rest in peace. Fuck. I was hammering on X.

He was like Vegas. I was like, fucking Ryan Dunn, bro. And he's like, yeah. I was like, you're my hero, dude. And he's like, all right. And that was it.

Random hero. He was cool. He gave me a hug, dude. Really? I was a sweaty, all drugged out kid. He's like, fuck yeah, bro. And I just remember it was a real kind words. It was a club.

And he's yawning in my ear. He's like, that's awesome. Yeah. And I don't know why. I just remember saying, like, I fucking love you and Led Zeppelin, bro. That's his name those two things. I guess it's good company to be in. You know, obviously fans of a lot of shit.

But, yeah, Ryan Dunn, jackass, that whole crew, C-K-Y. Bam's fucking going downhill. Yeah, he's a perfect example. Basket case right now. He stayed too long. Yeah. He's on like Maryland Manson's level. Yeah.

Yeah, I could see him at Maryland Manson's house. Oh, yeah, all the time. For sure. I mean, he's fucking, just watching his social media. It's so fucking sad to see him just spiral like that. It's so sad, spiraling. He's all bloated. He's puking on camera.

It looks like he's going to die. Bam, I love you, bro. Get so over, man. Yeah. Go's eyeball gain, bro. Ibo gain. Hell marries. It's like, go do what you got.

do. Yeah. Rehab ain't working. Go to Peru. Do ayahuasca and Iobagane? Yeah. He's done it. You're going to fucking die, man. You've done it? Not the Iba gain. I've done ayahuasca though. How was that? That was pretty cool. Yeah. That was good. I mean, it wasn't like a super relief of everything pulled out of me, but it's definitely a very spiritual and mental thing to go through and it's really good for you for sure. Yeah, there's no guarantee of that. Like that war, dude, it, that was like his fifth one, you know. Really? And that's when he was like, oh, I finally got rid of the,

saying I was trying to get rid of. Right, right, right. Yeah, I wasn't really trying to get rid of anything. I don't think when I took it. Yeah. You used to have a high enough dose. His tolerance is too high. Double down.

Double down, brother. Next time I would double down for sure. So I guess that's the process. It's like it's such a, you know, hellful experience of puking and shit in your pants. If you have a rebirth process. And it cleanses you. You know, that's the story. Bad energy.

leaves you. Yeah, just like a rebirth. You're just like, oh, fuck, you shed that bullshit. You've been holding on whatever the fuck it is. Childhood, trauma, war, fighting, abuse. I don't know. If I eat, if I eat too much of an edible, I feel that way. I'm telling you, I fucking start. That's different, bro. That's just, just anxiety. I just got to, just got to step it up. I got to start building my taller tire. Craig, thanks for doing this, bro. I really appreciate it. Tell up people, tell everybody where they can find all your shit.

Oh, I'm sorry. That was too many. My bad. What's that? What's that? I was saying, how long are you here? What are you doing shows? I'm, uh, three, uh, four more shows.

Saturday, Sunday. Come get these jokes, baby. Hell yeah. Uh, tell me where they can follow you and listen to yourself. Craig P. Pete Cohnett on all social media platforms, Craig Cohnett.com. I'm touring. I got 43, 45 cities this year.

Okay. Uh, go to my shows. You know, this is, I, this is my foot in the door. This is my first headline tour. Cool. So, fucking, um, make me look good. I have them bring me back. Everybody.

I love you. all and thank you. Hell yeah, bro. Thanks for coming. Thanks again. Thank you. Goodbye, world. Peace.