Dark History - 116: Dark History’s Naughty Gift Guide

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

Hi friends, happy Thursday! Welcome to the Dark History podcast. Today, we’ve got a special Dark History gift guide inspired by some of our favorite stories from this season. But while you’re stuffing your stockings, keep in mind that none of these goodies come guilt free! That’s why we’re unpacking the ugly plot behind each of these potential presents.  I appreciate you for coming by, and happy holidays!  Want some cool Bailey Merch?  Shop Dark History Merch: https://www.baileysarian.com For big savings on cold and flu meds, plus discounts on your everyday prescriptions, go to https://www.GoodRX.com/darkhistory.   Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions – and manage your money the easy way – by going to https://www.RocketMoney.com/DARKHISTORY. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to https://www.Microdose.com and use code DARKHISTORY to get free shipping & 30% off your first order.

This hockey season pick up something to celebrate the puck drop. Wolf Glass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon is now 1495 until December 31st at the LCBO. Why settle when you can soar? Wolf Glass Yellow Label. Hi everyone, happy holidays. Look, shopping during the holidays can be such a drag, am I right? Ah! Okay, yeah.

Anyways, so here at Dark History, we put together a list of a drag, am I right? Ah! Okay, yeah. Anyways, so here at Dark History, we put together a list of out-of-the-ordinary gifts for your favorite history buff. Here's a list of some of our favorite stories over the years that we realize would make truly unique and perfect gifts. So first up, for that ugly friend who loves a classic makeup look, may I suggest red lipstick, hmm? In the early 1900s, women, look, they had it pretty rough, okay? Women couldn't do anything.

Couldn't smile, you couldn't smoke, you couldn't wear pants, you couldn't use vibrators, you know. And also, they didn't have the right to vote. Yeah, laundry list of things we couldn't do. And that whole no voting part created something called the suffrage movement. The suffrage movement between 1910 to 1920 was all about women fighting for the right to vote. So, these women were known for some pretty hardcore, like protest methods to get their point across.

I mean, everything from hunger strikes, to chaining themselves, to railings, to smashing windows. I mean, all in the name of equality for women. So the suffragettes decided, in the name of feminism, to take make a back and claim it as their own. YAH! I feel passionate about lipstick. They started wearing red lipstick as a symbol of their resistance. Now, when when wore red lipstick, it was seen as a form of protest. So the next time you put on a red lipstick, remember you're doing it for the rights of women, or maybe you're just trying to get laid. Either way, good for you! After that 50 million women across America

started wearing red lipstick. I mean, it wasn't just about women's votes either. I think they just liked it. By the 1920s, red lipstick had become a big part of the flapper fashion. You know flapper fashion, those cute headbands, unlike they had the frills, the eyebrows. Oh, love the eyebrows. So women, they wanted to shock older people who didn't believe in wearing makeup. Now to them, it wasn't about beauty, it was about rebellion, and reclaiming something that was kind of considered forbidden. And honestly, I love that. It's like kind of punk rock.

Hell yeah, girls. So at the time, there were also just a lot of technological advances and there were factories going up. So I guess there was like a lot of pollution happening in the cities, like high volume areas. So, the stupidest thing happens. One of the marketing tactics to get women to buy lipstick was to convince them that it would stop germs from entering their body when they breathe through their mouths. The lipstick would prevent germs from the pollution from entering the mouth.

Yeah, and I was like, just close your mouth. There you go. Use your nose. You're welcome. America, do it for you. All right, we don't know which tactic work, but we do know that thanks to the suffragettes, makeup got a huge boost in sales. In fact, for years Cosmetics was the biggest industry

in the United States right after cars, movies, and bootleg liquor. Honestly, those are all the things you need in life. Cars, movies, bootleg liquor, and makeup. I love it. And by this point, makeup's popularity as a mass-produced product was officially here to stay. Even after the stock market crashed in 1929, triggering the Great Depression and leaving millions of people struggling to find work,

over 58% of women had at least one tube of lipstick. There are reports that women applied lipstick more regularly than they were brushing their own teeth. I can see that. But the Great Depression was so bad that America stopped production on over 50% of its products, simply because people didn't have disposable income anymore. But the cosmetic business, woo, she only got bigger. It's been reported that cosmetics was one of the few industries that actually grew

during the Great Depression. In fact, right in the middle of all this, makeup icons Revlon and All May opened up for business. Now it proves something sociologists call the lipstick theory. This theory says that people are willing to sacrifice big expenses for small luxuries. Like, you know, you may not be able to afford a new car, but at least you

can feel better about yourself because you got this new lipstick. The lipstick trend continued into World War II in the 1940s, especially after the world found out that Adolf Hitler hated red lipstick, which is like the most random fact, but he did. I guess Hitler believed that the ideal Aryan woman had a pure, unscrupbed face and shouldn't wear excessive cosmetics, especially red lipstick. So women all around the world proudly wore red lipstick as an act of defiance against the war and fascism. And honestly, I guess they were wanted

to feel patriotic as well. Like they're wearing a red lip and they're like, hey, Hitty. Don't you want me, Hitty? Hey. You know, just pissing him off. He hated it. I think Hitler was probably just jealous

because he wanted to wear it. It's usually the case. So yeah, all this makeup use during the war was seen as a great way to boost morale. Oh, and it boosted morale, right? So much so that the American government even asked a famous cosmetic maker, Elizabeth Arden, to create a lip and nail color for the women serving in the military. I'll give you one guess what that color was. No guesses? All right, it was red. Come on, it was red.

But side note, Elizabeth Arden is such an iconic makeup line. You guys have no idea. Oh my god, I should do a whole video on her. She deserves it. Anyway, makeup brands encourage the patriotic use of makeup because it was ultimately just good for business. They even released lipstick colors with strong names like Victory Red. And get this, Red Lipstick was even mandatory

to wear for women who joined the US Army. And when the 1950s rolled around, makeup for women was basically not optional, especially for young women who had money. Makeup once again was a symbol of like your place in the world, you know, you had your shit together. You were the picture perfect representation of feminine ideals. A lot of pressure.

And in the 50s, some surveys reported that almost all American women wore lipstick. And since there was an economic boom at this time, people had a little bit of extra cash to play with. So women weren't just buying one tube of red lipstick or like an eyeshadow either. They were buying different shades, different colors. They were coordinating with their outfits. Blue eyeshadow, blue shirt, bitch, come for me.

Yeah, it was no more like one size fits all. It was about having a little bit of fun, lots of mixing and matching and just doing your thing. And for some jobs, like if you were a flight attendant or even a secretary, you would be required to wear makeup, you know. It was just enforcing gender roles within the workplace. Like women wore lipstick and did the typing and men wore suits and cheated on their wives. Every time I go to the doctor and get a prescription, I have no clue what the meds are going to cost

and I don't like surprises, am I right? Sometimes it's like, hey, $4 in 20 cents and then other times it's like $450. It makes no sense, it's completely frustrating. When it'd be so nice if there was something we all could use to take some of the guesswork out of prescription costs, well guess what? Sorry, I didn't mean to be too aggressive. But there is.

With good RX, you can instantly find discounts, compare prices, and save up to 80% at the pharmacy. All you have to do is search for your specific meds on good RX, like their website or even use their app, and then show your discount at the pharmacy. It's honestly that easy. It's a little suspicious because I'm like, why is it like, okay? And with cold and flu season here,

woo, good Rx is your secret weapon to fight off those annoying symptoms. Let's face it, when you're sick, you won't meds fast, okay? And you want them now. So the amazing thing about good Rx is that all major pharmacies near you will take it. I'm talking CVS, Walgreens, Ritey, Vaughn, Walmart, Sam's Club, and like so much more. God bless the good people at GoodRx.

So for big savings on cold and flu meds, plus discounts on your everyday prescriptions, go to GoodRx.com-darkhistory. That's GoodRx.com slash dark history. That's goodrx.com slash dark history. Maybe you have a friend or family member who doesn't give a shit about cows or maybe they love getting their names misspelled on cups. May I suggest to you you pick up a Starbucks gift card. But don't go over $5 because like you don't like them that much, do you? No. We are now in a new era of coffee where consumers have gotten a little more curious about what exactly is in their coffee. I'm talking about the actual ingredients, right?

Isn't it just coffee? Isn't that the ingredient? No. I know. Ah, I mean coffee, dairy, sugar. Those are the foundations of most coffee drinks, pretty simple, straightforward. What could possibly be scandalous about that?

Have you heard of a little something called recombinant bovine growth hormone? AKA RBGH? I mean, I've seen it, but I was like, now what the hell's up? Well, I'm gonna tell you, RBGH is a synthetic hormone that was approved by the FDA in 1993. But funny enough, it's actually banned in the European Union and Canada due to potential harm it may,

it could have on the body. And then get this. I've, okay, well, I found out that the leading producer of RBGH is Monsanto. And I think that says enough, right? Now, ain't that some shit? So I'm telling you this, because up until like 2008 Starbucks was using milk produced with RBGH. And when it was found to probably not cause any harm to humans who ingested it, but it did make cows very sick. Yeah, I mean, that didn't stop Starbucks from continuing to use the milk from those sick cows. They seem to be aware of the potential issues with RBGH as early as the year 2000, because they

claimed that they were going to go RBGH free, but then nothing happened for years. And then finally, when they did stop using it in 2008, it was most likely because of the public pressure, or maybe they were just trying to distance themselves from the sitcom's controversy. But Starbucks started offering dairy alternatives, you know, to make them happy, like soy milk. Remember when like soy milk was huge, it was so big, we're like soy milk. Remember when like soy milk was huge, it was so big, it was out of control, everyone was like,

fucking, soy milk. And then also coconut milk. Starbucks said like, don't worry, I got you. You don't want that sitcom milk, or you could have coconut milk. Coconut milk just tastes like just real talk. Sorry, said it, but if you like it, that's fine. Do you think, girl?

Or boy, and you don't have to drink regular cow milk. You got options now. But honestly, like the alternative milks, they really aren't like any better. Most of them are just sugar water. And that's why I like them. For the friend or family member who likes spicing things up in the bedroom

and they might also love Russian literature, I give you the girthy Rasputin's penis. After Rasputin's daughter moved to Paris to do work in the circus, she ran into a group of women, kind of like a fan club. They were obsessed with her dad, and he worshipped his penis. They're like, oh my God They were obsessed with her dad. I mean, worshiped his penis.

They're like, oh my god, we love you, Dic. Apparently after, Rasputin was killed, you soup off, cut off Rasputin's penis. Yes. And then he put it like in a jar or something and he sold it for $8,000. something and he sold it for $8,000. Go for him. And he was literally worshiped years after Respeeding's death.

Yeah, he's the dick guy. I know you're wondering because I was wondering the same thing. Does the penis still exist? Yes, it does. It's on display in the Museum of Arotica in St. Petersburg. Some people believe it's actually like a cow's penis, because I don't know, maybe because it's 13 inches, but I'll let you decide.

So if you go there, take a picture and let me know. Like send it to me. Because I'll probably never get to see it. Like I can't fly out there just to see Rasputin's dick. Well, maybe. But some may be. For the friend or family member who's a lover of perfume or maybe just fragrance's, you know, have you heard about the new fragrance on the market?

Smells like sex and deer balls, turns many people on, and anyone who gets a whiff of their scent will just want to drop their panties right to the ground. of their scent will just want to drop their panties right to the ground. So until the 1930s, perfumes were strictly made from the things around us by mother nature herself. I'm talking, you know, the flowers, the spices, the trees, go outside, capture it in a bottle.

And perfumers would extract these scents by mixing them up different ways with natural oils and waxes, which would then preserve them. And also, fun fact, did you know that if you smell a very fragrant flower, like a rose when it's being bloomed, that means you're smelling sex. Yeah, you nasty. So the flower is, I guess, corneus is the best way to say it because when it's ready to be pollinated by a bee, it's super fragrant.

So it's like trying to lure in the bee, like smell me, be a smell me. So I don't know, it's just kind of like no wonder we're attracted to flowers. Yeah, what's always like the number one perfume you smell out there? It's always a floral scent. Like, we still try to do this today with the florals.

I can't stand it. I personally like the musky scents. I like to smell like I got lost in the woods and like a lumberjack man like saved me and like we rolled around in the leaves and stuff, you know? But then I learned that musky scents, actually, it comes from a freaking deer. More specifically, quote, a hairy pouch

just the size of golf ball in front of the penis. That's how they get the scent from that. I like deer balls, I guess. I guess that hair pouch is actually a gland inside the deer and on its own, it smells pretty gross, but people say it has a sharp urine scent and if you combine it with ethanol over a few months or sometimes years, it starts to smell pretty okay. Pretty decent, I guess. It's almost like a frodiziac. Like, oh, yeah, you like that? You like that dear dick smell? All right, I like it. I think it smells good. Anyway, now we've been into dear dick since the sixth century. Greek explorers brought it to Greece from India, but the Arabic people were the ones who actually perfected it. Researchers know the path it has taken to get to us, but no history book remembers who the very first person was

to, I don't know, figure out that the ballsack smelled good. Like that, you know, I wanna know about that guy. What was that guy doing? I don't know some questions, but no answers. Millions of people into dear balls. We love that. Okay, I just want to make myself comfortable if you're watching this over on YouTube.

This chair's not comfortable. Okay, anyways, back to the story. So deer balls, deer balls are just the tip of this stinkberg. Another famous fragrance is called Sivit. And this is used in perfume because like in small amounts, it makes the fragrance smell velvety and radiant, which I know I was like velvety. What does velvety smell like? And radiant, I don't know, but that's what they claim. It also is considered by millions to be an afro-desiac,

meaning, you know, it gets you in the mood for the anafrodeeziak, meaning, you know, it gets you in the mood for the rockin' and rollin'. One day I'm gonna figure out what the hell I'm doing over here in this chair. So if you wanna get some of this civet, you need to find a special kind of cat-like animal. You gotta trap it in the cage, and then once a civet cat is in the cage,

taunt the animal with a stick, so it bites. Then I guess they would open the back of the cage, and you can collect the civet oil from a gland on the outside of its body near its taint. I know, it's always in the taint. But back then, a lot of hunters, they would, and they would just kill the animals in harvest the oil so they didn't have to fight them.

Many of the hunters did this. It was just easier. And I'm just saying that lightly, because it's like nowadays, it's inappropriate, but back then it was like they're normal. And that's how they figured it out. I don't know again how they were getting this taint smell. Like how they figured it out.

That's the missing piece I wanted answers to, but we couldn't get any answers. Who was sniffing balls? Most of you probably know Chanel number five of very iconic fragrance. Yes, most likely there's cat taint in that. Now there are a bunch of other gross example, animal stuff and fragrances,

but I think we get the point. Ho, ho, ho. I feel like in school, we're taught a bunch of nothing, right? And all the things that are really important to us, like maybe I don't know how to fill out a W2 or like handle money, it's just kind of like completely ignored. And honestly, when you think about it, that's kind of nuts. So it's important to have something

that can help us out financially. And this is when rocket money swoops in to save the day. If you don't know, rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels those subscriptions that you don't want, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels those subscriptions that you don't want. Plus, it monitors your spending and helps you also lower your bills. All in one place! Let me tell you, Rocket Money is incredible. It monitors like all your expenses and will even recommend a custom budget based on your spending habits. They'll even send you a notification if your spending is, let's say, like getting a little out of control, Linda. For me,

rocket money is such a gift because rocket money is like my own personal money manager, right? My pocket. Just working silently in the background, which is great because let's be honest. Even if school did have classes like teaching budgets and whatnot, I probably would have ditched. So don't sleep on rocket money. Okay, it's there for you regardless. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com

slash dark history. That's rocketmoney.com slash dark history. One more time, rocketmoney.com slash dark history. One more time, rockettmoney.com slash dark history. For your aunt Linda, who needs to relax a little bit because she's been single for 37 years. When you're down on your luck and you're looking to f***. Try to buck chuck. A man named Charles Shaw was taking a totally different approach to wine than Fred.

He made award-winning wine that people were living for. It was a French-inspired wine and people thought it was incredible. And it was American. Ugh, so annoying. Charles's famous wine cost $13.50 in the 80s, which is around $40 today. Though he had years of being known as a Scree-Winemaker, Charles had a really bad couple of years. People in America stopped buying his wine, his wife filed for

divorce, and then he had to declare bankruptcy. So who swoops in to save the day? You guessed it. Fred Francia. So Fred, he comes in and he takes over Charles Shaw wines and takes it from like bougie name brand to super affordable real quick. He starts using grapes from lesser known areas of California like he did with the uh that Zinfandel situation and he ends up cutting costs big time. And then in 2002, Charles Shaw hit the shelves of a little grocery store chain named Trader Joe's.

The bottle says it's a private label, whatever. That means, you know, cool. It's got the legit Charles Shaw stamp on it and the best of all, it's 199, so people win nuts. But the press, they ended up dragging Fred for it, saying that he was ruining the reputation of Charles Shaw wine, but not really, because like he went bankrupt, he ruined his own name.

Sorry, ooh, hot take. And not just Charles Shaw, but many people in the wine industry believe that Fred's bargain wine was making the whole industry look bad. But Fred never cared, he was getting his money, He was getting his checks. He was like whatever. For many years, Charles Shaw Wine was the Costco hot dog of the wine world. And it stayed $1.99. It was only recently that the prices went up, but it's still under $5.

So, I mean, that's a good deal. I can't say if it's good or bad wine. So let me know in the comments section. By 2009, two buck chuck had sold 400 million bottles. When this happened, Fred issued a statement to the press where he said, quote, take that and shove it, Napa. Yeah, party. For the MLM lover, always looking for the newest

and greatest health trend, she puts the bitch and bitch you man, mummy powder. One day an archeologist was doing his thing, digging shit up, dusting it off, you get it. Then he looks further and sees a giant building made of stones with ancient markings on them. Oh my buddies have been like finding this crazy shit to the city final clock. And I can't let Ted be the coolest in the group, you know, like I got to get out there

and see what I can find. But he's not familiar with this specific area I'm pyramid, so he calls for some help. They had already hired a local guide to help on the expedition, but now he needed to ask for a little more help. So he's like, hey, man, I'll give you a crisp, clean $20 bill if you show me around that pyramid. And the guy is like, no, hey, man, like, you know, no, I'm supposed to protect this pyramid get lost.

And the other guy's like, please, it's for education. Like, please, what about $40? Eventually, the guide caves in and agrees, and when he opens up the heavy stone door, inside is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever laid eyes on. First of all, this space is huge inside. Not only that, it's super tall, wide,

and seems to be going on forever. He finds out that this is a place where tons of bodies have been buried for thousands of years. This guy's like, damn, this is a place where tons of bodies have been buried for thousands of years. This guy is like, damn, this is some next level shit. So this guy isn't used to it because he's used to like bearing bodies underground, tombs, new concept, a little different. He approaches a coffin and out of his own curiosity opens it up. And, ooh, he struck gold because it's a mummy, baby. In addition to finding the mummies themselves,

the researchers found out a lot about the mummification process. So as this is happening, the Egyptian language is being translated and people started to pick up on something. They're looking at the mummies, they see this tar, they see the steps, and they have a light bulb moment. Like, wait a second. This looks like bichamen. This looks like bichumen. It smells like bichumen. It must be bichumen.

I mentioned a bichumen a little bit earlier, but let's break it down more here to explain why this is such a great fight. Back in the day, especially in the 16th century, medicine was an ideal. It was still very experimental. I mean, they were drilling holes and people's heads for epilepsy. They were doing bloodletting and putting leeches on people. It's just a wild time. And there was one thing that medicine considered the cure-all. Bitchesman. Doctors would give out bitchesman for everything. And I mean everything. If you had a toothache, bitchesman. Skin disease disease, bitch, you men, fever,

leprosy, gall, brain aneurysms, stubbed your big toe, bitch, you men. And that's just to name a few. It's just fun to say, bitch, you men, bitch, you men, bitch, you men, bitch, you men. Bitch, you men. So everyone's really wanting this stuff, and it's actually very rare and hard to find.

So people are thinking, well when they go into this tomb, they're like, oh my God, we found bitchamin. Like baby, we're about to make a lot of money. Okay, so they're like, we see the bitchamin in this tomb, but how are we going to get it from the mummies and take it back home to adjust it? Cause I need to have a stomach ache,

so I need to take some bit of human right now, but how am I gonna do that? Because it's on this mummy. You know? Okay, so this sounds really creepy and uncomfortable, but look, that's history, right? So these people, they would end up stealing these mummies. They would take them back home, they would unwrap them,

and then they would crush it down, crush the mummy down into powder, and then wouldn't ing just it for health benefits. Basically the same reason people drink bone broth today. So they crushed it up and got the bitumen, but they got all the other bits and pieces of the mummy as well. I'm talking the bones, the skin, the muscle, all of it. And yes, all of that was powdered down and people were eating it. powder down and people were eating it. So all of this is going on and this ends up getting the attention of the king of England who then decides to step in. King Charles the second. So King Charles had a doctor named Nicholas Lafayette, I think. But anyways, Nicholas, he was a bit of a

unique character, for example, one of his favorite remedies for a headache, was to grind up a human skull into powder. Yes, human, hopefully done, makes it with a little bit of cocoa or chocolate. So it's kind of like they're making their own little cocoa powder with head. So, I don't know. So this doctor is introduced to this new innovative, shall we say, alternative medicine, called mummy powder. And you already know, if he was into school in his hot cocoa, he was going to get in on this mummy powder craze. It was right up his alley.

So the king's doctor, again, was like a very influential guy. So once he gives mummy powder its stamp of approval, oh, everybody now wants to get their hands on this powder. I mean, if the king was eating it, using it for whatever, we should too, right? Everyone's like, I saw King Charles drinking skulls and mummy powder, so I got skulls and mummy powder too. So the doctor is telling people like, hey, you don't need to just be eating mummy powder, but you need to be getting it from the right kind of mummy. But what qualified is the right kind of mummy?

He said that the ideal mummy would be from Egypt or Libya. Now on top of that, the way the person died made a big difference in terms of quality. A quicker death would produce a better powder. That's right, according to this doctor, the best mummies were young, healthy people who had died quick, sudden deaths.

Ideally, suffocation would be a great one, or if they got hit by a cart, ideal. If the person had been healthy right before they died, and if they were mummified the right way, their spirit was perfectly preserved, and according to the doctor, the youth and the strength of the perfect mummy would be absorbed by the person who ate it. So eating the body of a young healthy mummy was like eating organic chicken. It was just better for you. But King Charles and his doctor weren't the only influential people into this stuff. Like most weird trends and diets, the mummy powder fad started as something with the rich and powerful. I'm imagining it being

like a very expensive goop product. You know, someone like Gwen with Paltrow would have been all about, just like steam your vage, then snort some mummy powder. One huge fan of mummy powder was Leonardo da Vinci. He said, quote, we preserve our life with the death of others. In a dead thing, life remains which, when it is reunited with the stomach of the living,

regain sensitive and intellectual life, end quote. Is anyone checking up on these Ninja Turtles? They seem to be all throughout history, just making some wild shots, right? Like, they're always around. So yes, this whole crushing up a dead body and eating it becomes the latest and greatest fad. But there was something that even the King's doctor didn't know

about this fabulous medicine. The street name for mummy powder was actually mummy, which is a translation from the Arabic word resin. Oh, that all goes back to that tar-like substance from the mummification process that all these people believed was actually bitchy men. So what archaeologists has spoken around a tomb on the walls of some writing in Arabic. Now one guy who can read it is like, hey, I think that says mummyya. This is mummyya right here, you guys.

Should we just call mummies? And a second archaeologist might have said, like hold up, mummyya, as in like the ancient word for Bichiman. And then another guy is like, you guys are all crazy, but this is gonna make us rich. I guess there was a translation error. Mm, that's unfortunate.

Years later in 1597, John Gerard, a well-known herbalist and author of at the time, took a look at Mamiya and he was like, lol, wait a second, I know, but you mean this is not but you mean so he went back through all of the information he could find to figure it out. It turns out he was on to something the tar used on mummies was not but you mean, but a similar substance known as piss asphalt. I'm not kidding, it's

literally called piss asphalt. I'm not kidding. It's literally called piss asphalt. Piss asphalt. Yeah, we could just sit and talk about this all day. I'm saying piss asphalt? Piss asphalt. I was like, are you sure that's how you pronounce it? Piss asphalt. I don't know you guys.

What is up? I don't know. This world is just weird. So you're probably thinking piss asphalt is probably when someone pisses on asphalt, right? Cause that's what I thought. Piss asphalt, that makes sense. It's not that.

It's not pissing on asphalt, I learned. It's actually just a tar-like substance that does nothing good for you. I know how boring. With that name, come on. Weirdly, no one really cared. You would assume when people found out that they were eating dead bodies with no actual benefits, instead eating pure tar, that maybe they would

stop. But oh no, the ball was rolling down the hill already and all the cool kids were doing it. It's trendy. People think it's healing. It's not like they were calling it human dust. It has a cool name, Mamiya. Mamiya felt cool. It didn't have a negative connotation. So the Europeans were still going ham for Mamiya. Mami pieces or powder could still be found in shops all over Europe.

Nobody gave a shit if it was good for you. They were essentially like those boner pills that you could buy at 7-Eleven. You know, they advertise them right? They don't work. That's why I heard. But people still buy them. I mean they didn't give me a boner.

Did they work for you Paul? Exactly. They didn't work for Paul either, he isn't- well, he is a boner. He is a boner. Paul is a boner. Anyway, your local corner store, even your doctor, would have mummy on hand because there was still a bit demand. But getting mummy is out of Egypt, and it wasn't even easy. I mean, technically it was still legal, so it required a lot of planning, a lot of being shady, a lot of scheming, a lot of lying.

Just too much work. You've probably heard of microdosing before, right? I mean, it seems like it could cure everything. Headache, microdosing, insomnia, microdosing, grilled, cheese, attic, microdosing. Yes, all of it, right? But I still wasn't convinced. I was like, sure, guys, that is,

until I tried these gummies from microdose. Microdose gummies have the perfect entry level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. I really love them because they help me focus on what I'm doing and I'm not constantly thinking about like, oh my god, you're gonna die. Cause everything sucks. You know, I mean, sometimes I'm juggling,

wait for me things at once. The MicroDose gummies also are great at night when I want to put out my phone and get invested in this book I'm reading. Oh, I mean, sometimes I'm juggling, and wait for me things at once. The microdose gummies also are great at night when I want to put out my phone and get invested in this book. I'm reading, oh, I love it. So just kind of calms the brain and helps you focus. I never expected this, but it helps me with my exercise routine as well.

I take a gummy one hour before I start my warmup and I feel focused throughout the entire workout. It's disturbing because I don't wanna like working out, but I might. Listen, before microdose gummies, I was like, hmm, sure, Jan. But they really have enhanced my life in one easy to take, an entry level friendly dose.

And if you're a little more familiar with THC, maybe macrodose, they have gummies with higher doses as well. Microdose is available nationwide and to learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use the code dark history to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. That's really good. I'm gonna do that. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com and use code dark history.

And let me know how it goes. Ooh, don't you wanna be the cool auntie this year? The bougie auntie? Well, may I recommend the Tyson chicken nuggets? Just like Tyson's model. Get him when they're young with chicken nuggets. In the early 1980s, McDonald's was really struggling to sell something new to customers after that burger backlash.

So they tried testing tons of different products, like a deep fried pot pie, bite-sized onion ring. They even tried fried chicken, but I mean, nobody could compete with KFC. KFC's like, don't even try. Don't even try a bitch. Finally, the McDonald's CEO was like, hey, why don't we do like a bite-sized piece of chicken?

What if we called it a chicken nugget, right? I bet that guy went home and was like, I did that shit. So they called up Tyson, right? Get them on the line. And together with like a food scientist named Robert C. Baker from Cornell University. In 1983, together they birthed the McNuggets. McNugget! Yes! McNuggets!

McNuggets make their debut on the McDonald's menu. Now this is a day I celebrate. This is my Christmas, the birthday of the McNugget. And like look everyone was stoked. They loved this shit. It was an instant hit. They were like, what is this? They didn't know.

It was McNugget. Arbacuse sauce, try that bitch, change the game. We grew up eating McDonald's a lot, and I would always get chicken nuggets, and my sister would get the sweet and sour sauce, and I was like, you know, I would get the barbecue. Barbecue is way better than the sweet and sour. Please, don't even, you can't convince me.

Okay, and then to this day, I mean, my chicken nuggets are my like, comfort food. Don't comfort me, I'm sorry my chicken nuggets are my like comfort food. Don't comfort me, I'm sorry, but I do like a 10 piece. What are you gonna do about it? Okay, I know. Great. Okay, so anyways, McNuggets, a damn hit.

They are banging, popping, living, laughing, loving. Yep, McDonald's, they were literally running out of chicken daily. Can you imagine? The news was doing reports on how people would wait in long lines just to get their hands on a McNugget, and Tyson was becoming the go-to chicken company when it came to fast food. Does your dog have flat ass titties? Are you like, come here Jack, come here. And like his titties aren't flopping?

Guess what? You can change that by getting breast implants for the small dog in your life. Next time you go for a walk, everyone will be asking for her to run. They'll be asking, who is that bitch? You know, titties bouncing. Who doesn't love titties? Well, Paul doesn't. doesn't love titties. Well, Paul doesn't. The era of the pinup girl pops, uff. Pinup girls were like posters of sexy Hollywood actresses that soldiers from World War II would hang up on their walls and just like drool over.

And all these posters featured sexy ladies with a large chest, maybe, I don't know. In this caring through to when Playboy magazine first hit shelves everywhere in 1953, women with curves and shapes were now like the envy of women nationwide. Curves and round boobies are being embraced. And more women wanted to embrace it too. I mean, padded bras were not cut in it anymore, and women wanted the thing, but not. Like, how can I get the real thing but like not? And science wasn't quite ready to supply that demand. That is, until a couple of doctors in Texas, of course, Texas, with the help

of a major corporation and a dog with boobs come into play. Oh yeah, a dog with boobs. You got that right? That was my reba impressionation. I'm, I hate me. Why can't I ever say what I feel? Okay, now we're in the year 1961. And down in the lone stars, state two doctors are about to prove that everything is,

in fact, bigger in Texas. They really went off. Dr. Thomas Cronin, a plastic surgeon, was at like a conference in New Orleans, and while he's there learning about all the new improvements happening in the world of plastic surgery, that's when he comes across a company named Dow Corning Corporation.

Do you know the Dow Corporation? Yeah, those goons. It's them. Small world, right? Anyway, Kronin learns that the chemical company, Dow, told him you'd do an episode on them, had created something called silicone gel. And the company proudly claimed that not only could it be used to make an artificial body part,

but it also did not react with the body. Translation, it was safe to put inside a person. Yay, you know, yay! A chemical company making a safe substance in the 60s? Sure. Okay. Alright. Anyways, as the story goes, Dr. Frank Giro, Cronin's business partner, stopped by a blood bank in Texas.

When he walked inside, Giro was surprised because he found blood being stored in plastic IV bags. I know, no, this is normal to us. Okay, listen, we're like, yeah, and, but back then, everything was stored in glass. So he's seen this and he's like, weird. So he picks one up, he gives it a little... Hong Kong, you know. He looks around, he's like, hey guys,

does this feel like a boob to you? Where's it just to me? It kind of feels like a boob. So this doctor, yeah, he's a doctor. He's like, this feels like a boob. He's feeling inspired because he ends up getting in touch with Dr. Kronin and he proposes the idea of a breast implant that feels exactly like the blood in a bag.

Yeah, he's like, yeah, you see it? So the two brainstorm and agree that the content of the bag needed to be thicker than blood, but something that replicates the feel of a boob. And girl Kronin had just the thing. He's like, that's funny. I heard about silicone, whatever, just about a minute ago. You know, so the doctors partner up with the head of Dow

Corning's Medical Research Division, and the three of them create a thin, clear bag filled with silicone gel. They call it the Cronin Giro implant, aka the silicone breast implant. Wow, pioneer. So they got this prototype, and I'm sure they're probably fondling it and giggling, you know, and then they realize that they have

a little situation on their hands. Oh, no, wait, a situation. Ah, okay, they may be honest something here, but they have to test the implant and make sure it works before getting all too excited. They're probably looking at each other like I'm not doing it. And the other guy is like I'm not doing it either. Like, mm-hmm.

So they come back to the drawing board. Hmm, who could they test this silicone breast on or in, really? They look around the room and they spot a dog. A dog sitting in the corner. Her name is Morralta. And boy, does she look like she need some titties. Hey, am I right? Yeah. Now this next part is going to sound made up. Okay. I know, but I'm telling you it's 100% true. I swear. Okay, look, these guys, these doctors decided poor innocent as Moralda, the dog, was going to be their guinea pig. She was going to try out the very first fake silicone titty. So the doctors put as Moralda on

their operating table. Dr. Rout made her made an incision and put a biscuit-sized silicone implant inside the dog. They sewed her up and then observed her for a few days. When I heard this, I pictured like, look, I pictured in my mind a cute asshole dog with some fine ass titties. Right? Like, that's what I'm picturing in my mind. And I was like, I don't know for sure what it looks like. So we asked our googling around and there's not one single photo out there, but lucky for us, we have an artist rendering of what Esmeralda may or may not have looked like. See, is that night? I was right.

Those are some fine ass diddies. So the doctors observed Esmeralda over some time and they noticed absolutely nothing. And that's exactly what they were helping for. As Moralda seemed to find and she showed like no adverse side effects. I mean, to be fair dogs can't talk. I mean, for all we know, she could have been like, hey, this is extremely painful. But we don't know. The doctors reported that they would have kept the implant in longer if Esmeralda didn't try to choose through her stitches. Poor Esmeralda, you know, shoot. And then I got me wondering, I wonder what happened to her really. I mean, if you know her whereabouts, please let me know. I mean, Esmeralda walked so we really could run put some respect on her name, right? You have

those titties because of Esmeralda. She needs something and a word. This hockey season pick up something to celebrate the puck drop. Wolf Glass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon is now 1495 until December 31st at the LCBO. Why settle when you can soar? Wolf Glass Yellow Label. Well, that's it, everyone.

I hope you have a happy holiday season however you celebrate. And let me know how like the gifts go over. Send me pics of your dog's titties, hashtag dogtits. And also I help you have a happy new year. Dark History is an audio boom of original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Junia McNeely from Three Arts, Kevin Grush, and Matt N. Lowe from Made in

Network. Writers, Joey Skavuzzo, Katie Burris, Allison Pillobos, and me, Bailey Sarian, production lead, Brian Jaggers, and I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. I hope you have a good rest of your day. You make good choices, and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye! This hockey season pick up something to celebrate the puck drop. Wolf Glass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon is now 14.95 until December 31st at the LCBO. Why settle when you can soar? Wolf Glass Yellow Label