Dark History - 186: Tales from the Dark History Crypt - A Spooky Season Special

Episode Date: October 15, 2025

Hi friends, happy Wednesday! No tricks. Just treats here this spooky season. Over the years, many of your have commented that your like to put Dark History on and just let it play in the background. So, instead of you having to shuffle through a mish mash of episodes... I did the hard work for you and created a special themed playlist, if you will. Welcome to... Tales from the Dark History Crypt. A compilation episode made up of my handpicked freaky favorites from over the years. I'm talking everything from Satanic Panic gripping the American countryside to a spellbinding spiritual leader who had Russian Royalty under his control. We got witches, we got psychics and we got conspiracy theories so insane... they just might be true. So lock your door, light some candles and pull that blankie up tight. Spooky season is upon us with Tales from the Dark History Crypt. ________ FOLLOW ME AROUND Tik Tok: https://bit.ly/3e3jL9v Instagram: http://bit.ly/2nbO4PR Facebook: http://bit.ly/2mdZtK6 Twitter: http://bit.ly/2yT4BLV Pinterest: http://bit.ly/2mVpXnY Youtube: http://bit.ly/1HGw3Og Snapchat: https://bit.ly/3cC0V9d Goodreads: http://bit.ly/3IVnO7N Discord: https://discord.gg/BaileySarian RECOMMEND A STORY HERE: [e-mail] Business Related Emails: [e-mail] Business Related Mail: Bailey Sarian 4400 W. Riverside Dr., Ste 110-300 Burbank, CA 91505 ________ Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select my show in the dropdown menu that follows. Get started today at stitchfix.com/darkhistory to get $20 off your first order—and they’ll waive your styling fee. That’s stitchfix.com/darkhistory. Check out squarespace.com/DARKHISTORY for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: DARKHISTORY to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to zocdoc.com/DARKHISTORY to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That’s zocdoc.com/DARKHISTORY.

Hi friends, how are you today? Welcome to Dark History. Hey listen today, I have a special spooky season treat just for you. I've gone into the Dark History Archives and put together my favorite episodes that have a dark, twisted, or supernatural element. The kind of stuff that's perfect for October. You know, candles lit, blankets on, cat nearby, seance maybe, I don't know, let's get weird. First up, we have our episode on witches. Now, in this episode, we go all the way back, like medieval back, and we talk about how Europe fully lost their freaking mind.

We're talking witch trials, the Malleus Maleficarum, aka the original, how to spot a witch manual, flying broomsticks, the whole works. It's completely unhinged, okay? So let's get into it. Hi, friends. Welcome to Halloween 2022. My name is Bailey Sarian, and I'd like to welcome you to Dark History. This month, we're going to be talking about all things spooky-uky, like Satan,

Of course, clowns, mummies, and oh yeah, witch hunts. So, sit back, relax, and let's talk about that hot, juicy history, but Halloween, Gus. Okay, let me have you clear your mind. And I need you to think about the classic Halloween costumes. I mean, you know them, werewolves, vampires, nurses, naughty nurses, sexy felon, sexy nun. You get it. Anyway, at the top of every Halloween costume list is usually the witch.

Who hasn't been a witch at least once in their life? And if you're like, not me, then here's your permission to be a witch baby, join the club. This is my first time. I've never been a witch before. Naturally, I was like, I wanna do a story about witches. But you know, look, it's a story that's been done a lot.

And I'm not trying to downplay it or anything, right? But witches has been talked about a lot. Caldrens, broom sticks, black cats, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know? Which side note, did you know? This is a little fun fact. The first story of a witch riding a broom was actually a man witch.

Mm-hmm. It was a man witch. He was writing a broom. I don't know. It was just a little fun fact. I thought that was interesting. You're welcome. But there's something even darker

that is associated with witches, something that's been used to target and murder thousands of women over the centuries. Some even dare to call it a genocide because you see, without witches, We don't have this thing called witch hunts. Which? I just realized I didn't witch.

You hear repeated way too much on the news every single night, right? Anyway, this got me thinking that the word witch hunt is thrown around a lot today. But was it ever used to describe, you know, hunts for actual witches? Spoiler alert. It very much was used to describe that. And the rabbit hole I went down on Google, my freaking gosh. It took me not into just the history of witches, but I learned a whole lot of horribly shocking and grim stories

about how the idea of the witch hunt was invented and then used to, let's say, burn any woman alive who dared to take a stroll late at night alone. And if you had a mole, good luck, sweaty, sweetie. So sit back in your armchair of inquiries, and don't worry, that will make sense later. And buckle up because, listen, we're about to learn a spine-chilling story about how brutal human beings can be to one another. But let's start at the beginning.

Where does the idea of witches even come from? It's around the 8th century BC when we're first introduced to a quote-unquote witch. Now, according to Greek mythology, Circe was an enchantress from ancient Greece. Now, it was said that she was very beautiful. She was smart. and she lived alone on a beautiful island in the Mediterranean. Love that for her. But rumor had it that she was actually a witch.

Not the ugly, green, warty witch we think of today, nay, nay. She, Circe, was sexy. She was hot, smoking hot. Men just wanted to feel her hot bod. When they saw her, they had this overwhelming sensation of lust. Men would visit the island, see her farm, see all of her land. And then they were caught off guard because all of a sudden she would start saying some random weird chance and stuff. And according to one story, Circe invited a bunch of sailors to a banquet like, oh, you've been sailing for a while.

You must be tired. Come in for some iced cold lemonade. But little did the sailors know that Circe cursed the food with her magic. And she transformed all of the men into pigs. Yeah, actual pigs, like the animal. Leaving them trapped forever in their new pig bods. So creating fear around women seems to have started all the way back with Circe, because many believe they're up to something and trying to destroy men.

But before TV, radio, Twitter, social media, all of that, you know, ideas were shared and spread through the towns, the cities, the people, through art. One very influential artist in the Middle Ages was a German printmaker named Albrecht. He was a big deal because he was associated with all of the good. I'm talking about all the Ninja Turtles, Raphael, Leonardo da Vinci, etc. Yep. He started out doing oil painting, portraits, self-portraits. I mean, he was an art machine.

You may even recognize one of his most famous pieces of art, the preying hands. You know, the hands that everyone has tattooed on them? Yeah. Drake used it on like one of his album covers, those hands. Anyhow, All Brecht. He was also great at Ingram. engraving beautiful art into wood. Oh yeah, it was really pretty.

Churches would commission pieces from him. I mean, this man was just popping. He was everywhere. His art, people are loving it. They're losing their shit. And then he eventually moves on and starts making prints of his art, which is wild because prints weren't even like a thing yet. One of his most famous prints depicted something quite terrifying, something people haven't

seen yet. What was it, you ask? Well, it was a buff-ass woman. she obviously lifts, who seemed to be like commanding a creepy-ass goat. It was a witch. Now this was a creepy-ass witch who was riding a devil-looking goat backwards.

This woman is ugly, she's old, her titties are super low. But Albrecht would be the man we think for creating the witch we all know and think of today, like the old hag, the ugly witch. Don't come from me. That's just what he actually, like, wanted this art to depict. It was like an ugly hag. Before, some witches in mythology were more beautiful, like Circe.

But again, this guy, Albrecht, was like, nah, which is our ugly. So he had a bunch of paintings showcasing ugly, older women in his art. So this guy was probably just hurt by some woman, let's be honest. He was probably heartbroken and was like, I'm going to get her and all women ever, you know? And it worked. because these prints were pretty scandalous. They created a lot of fear in people to be wary of these sneaky-ass witches. And by witches, I mean women.

And when people are afraid of something, because, you know, fear, it can make people do some really crazy things. So let me introduce you to Target number one, our friend Helena. So the year is 1485. There were rumors going around town saying that this woman, Helena, killed a man's wife by using magic. Oh, shit. Word is spreading quickly, and people are believing it.

Helena's reputation in the neighborhood was already considered outspoken. She was promiscuous, and she hung out with, like, some sketchy people. That's what everyone's talking about. I don't know. I wasn't there, but that's what's said. So obviously, Helena gets fingers pointed at her. Everyone in town is calling her a witch, and Helena was swearing up. and down that she was innocent and that none of the rumors were true, but she had a hunch where

all of this was coming from. She does something bold and says, dear everybody listening to me right now, I'm not the witch, you're the evil one. The guy that was accusing Helena of being a witch and who essentially started the whole rumor was this man that Helena was accusing of assaulting her, and she was like, he's the bad guy, he's the guy that you guys should go over. So the man that Helena was pointing her finger out was a man named Heinrich Kramer. Now Heinrich naturally did not like this woman who was making wild claims that he assaulted her. So he goes in harder and he's not going to back down. It's what we know today as like gaslighting. This Heinrich guy was gaslining Helena. Nobody was listening to her. She must have felt like

she was going crazy. Everyone's calling her a witch. She's pointing the finger back like, I'm not the witch. This guy is the douche. Point the finger at him. It's just an endless circle jerk. So then Helena had to stand trial, and she was being accused of witchcraft. So how does one confirm that Helena is indeed a witch? Well, at this time, they couldn't decide and agree on what the definition of a witch was.

Therefore, Helena was released because nobody could come to an agreement on what she was other than a loudmouth. Heinrich, the guy that was calling her a witch in the first place, was the prosecutor on this trial, and when Helena was released, he was pissed. It said that he left town quite embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He couldn't show his face around town anymore because he was just seen as a loser. But sometimes being a loser can inspire you.

You know, you improvise, adapt, and overcome. And Heinrich was ready for his redemption. And how was he going to get that? Well, by getting back at Helena. The best way to get back at her was by creating a way to universally identify, locate, and destroy. destroy witches. So do you ever put on a cute outfit and you're feeling yourself and you're like yeah, but then you realize like you don't have the right bra, you know, maybe you're, you're getting the granny-panny lines, you know, maybe it's bunching all funny. And you're like, damn it,

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Select podcast in the survey and then be sure to select my show in the drop-down menu that follows. Thanks. So Heinrich goes on a little writer's retreat. He spends some time away like in a cabin. He's working on a book that he believes could possibly change the world. Heinrich, he ends up working with another writer, and together they bang out what would become known as essentially the witch-hunting Bible. It's called Malias Malifakarum, which translates to the hammer of witches.

Yikes. Unfortunately, their little burn book comes out at the perfect time. It was soon after the invention of the printing press, so it was more widely distributed than really anything else, except for maybe the Bible. Yeah. This book was honestly a hit, and it was the foundation on how to find a witch. What witches did, what to do with the witch, like once you caught it, and why you should fear witches in general. Here's some highlights, so you don't have to read it.

So one, how do you spot a witch? Easy. Ten helpful hints. One, is she a woman. It was believed that women were much easier for the devil to tempt because, obviously, men are so big and strong. And women, weak. According to the book, midwives especially were witches because they murdered and consumed babies, allegedly. Two, does it look like a witch?

The book mentions an old crone-like woman or an old lady hobbling along the road. If you spot that, that's a witch. Another way to locate a witch, put a Bible next to her. What happens? Well, according to Heinrich's book, if she stood on a scale and weighed less than a stack of Bibles, she was a witch. But this low-key was a trap. Because, look, in some places, you were a witch if you weighed more than the Bibles. And then there were other places where if you weigh less than the Bibles, you were a witch,

it was just a lose-lose situation, you know? The only way you could be found innocent was if you matched the weight of the Bibles exactly. That means you're not a witch. But, okay, you know, it's just, what is this? Come on. Nobody wins is what I'm getting at. Another sign if she's a witch, I'm saying she, because let's be real, it's always a She. Does she talk to herself? A person was potentially a witch. If she, specifically, she,

not he, if she was caught talking to herself. Oh yeah, witch. Oh, and does she have a mark? More specifically, a mole or a wart? Now, this didn't have to be on the face. It could be anywhere on the body so the accusers could strip you naked and search your whole body for like a mole, a wart, a mark. If any woman tried to get the mole removed, the scar was enough. to prove that she was a witch indeed. The mole or birthmark was believed to be a sign of a witch pact. When confronted with this evidence, you could be hanged and burned. Isn't that scary, just a mole?

God damn it. Here's another way to find a witch. Does she have freckles? Ah, if a woman has freckles, she would be pricked with a knife, blade, or needle. If she didn't bleed? Witch. Now the catch with this one, there were official prickers. Yeah, people who were officially the prickers and they would use knives with retractable blades to make it appear a woman was stabbed, but no blood would like be found on her and they'd be like, oh, she's a witch. Side note, I think they invented the retractable blades for this and isn't that magic? Like, where did the blade go? None of it makes sense. Another way to identify a witch. Could she recite the Lord's Prayer? It was believed witches could not say holy words.

So these quote-unquote witches would be asked to recite the Lord's Prayer without mistake to prove their innocence. During one witch trial, there was a woman. She accidentally said, quote, lead us into temptation, end quote. She forgot the not lead us not into temptation. So she was hanged, you know, yeah, lead us into temptation. Girl, what a way to mess that up. So let's just do a little recap on what we learned. You weigh less than a stack of Bibles, which.

You weigh more than a stack of Bibles, you're a witch. You got a weird mole, you're a witch. Are you talking to yourself? Which. Stutter during prayer time? Witch. Bleed out of your vagina? Which?

Breathe? Which? You know? So in Heinrich's book, this M.M. I'm going to call M.M., because I can't say Malamovyshii and my fellow canjigee. So his book, there's a big emphasis on how witches had a, shall we say, insimate relationship with the devil? Oh, yeah.

They followed all of his commands, allegedly. But witches, they could even sleep with the devil and have like a big old evil satanic orgy. Yeah, that was in the book, that witches are having orgies with the devil. I know. Sounds like fun. Where do you sign up, you know?

But that's kind of where a lot of the fear was brewing from. Because at this time, the church was really starting to put a heavy emphasis on the devil being bad, which kind of sounds silly, but before this, the devil was seen as just kind of like a trickster. He would pull jokes on people, like, oops, tripped you, you know, like, eh, I'm the devil. Now the devil was seen as building an army of witches

and they're coming for you, they're coming for men, they're coming for everything. So there's just a lot of fear, okay? Fear that the women are coming and the devil. So there was another section in the book that was all about what witches did with penises, very specific. It's very bizarre, too. Because they had a lot of weird, like, penis fear happening at this time. It's bizarre. But essentially, it was believed that witches would steal

a man's penis. And then it's kind of cute. They would keep the penis as a pet. You know, feed it, take it on walks, put it in a box. Literally, this is what they believed. That witches were taking penises in the middle of the night, putting them in a box. And you guys all better watch out because it was a war on dicks. According to the book, this was all because, quote, all witchcraft comes from carnal lust, which in women was insatiable. Many believe that women were super horny, the witches were super horny, and that they would take the penises and control a man's penis. So if a man acted horny or did something bad, it wasn't necessarily his fault. He was under a spell. He was dignitized being controlled by a witch. So it's like,

Even if a guy fucked up and like cheated on you and like slept with your neighbor or something, they'd be like, well, the witch made me do it. We're always to blame. Can't we just mind our own damn business and be a witch alone? So just imagine the readers of this book who, by the way, mostly men, have been told witches are the ultimate evil. They're after their penises. I mean, this really scares them. But they've also read up on how to identify a witch.

So what do they do now? Now, Chapter 2. What to do if you caught a witch? Yeah. The books got you covered, okay? First of all, you need a confession. The best way to get one, torture. The book said torture was okay. So, there's that. One form of torture was sleep deprivation. Keeping someone that you believe to be a witch up for days would lead to wild accusations, but they also would get a little creative with their torture techniques. They had a special piece of furniture called the armchair of inquiries. I love it.

Oh, I don't love it, but I like the name. It's very powerful. It was a metal chair covered with the big spikes, and they would sit the quote unquote witch down. They would light a fire underneath the chair. And because the chair is made of iron, it would get really hot. And like your butt would like melt to it.

You're melting to the, oh. They really were big into torture. It's bizarre. Have you ever heard of the phrase in the hot seat? Well, it comes from this torture device. because, well, the seat would get really hot. Mmm, it looks rough. It looks real rough.

I looked up way too many pictures. It was terrible. So why did these witches need to be caught and tortured? You know, that was my thought. Well, they were using witches as scapegoats, essentially, for everything. It was believed witches were causing hailstorms, causing lightning to blast men. They were using magic for evil, killing livestock, and bringing harmful weather. Now, it's fun to blame other people for all of your problems, so it honestly makes sense

that this book is a hit. They go out of all this stuff going on. The weather's bad. Their penises aren't great. You know, I don't know. They just want to blame somebody. Plus, the Pope is like, hey guys, I heard about this book.

Give it a read if you have time. And people listen because he's the Pope. And when he says drop your pants, you better drop him, you know? So first of all, the fact that they have their own books, the people that had their own books, was just mind-blowing. Because most people at this time owned one or two books.

And if they did, it was the Bible and this book. The M.M. Malavifistu, Malifigarm. So people are feeling empowered. They're feeling cocky. They're like, look, I did my research. I read the book. I smart.

Fear and paranoia, swirling around. Everyone's on high alert. There may be witches amongst us. You know, trust no one. Search everywhere. You ever look in your closet and you're like, uh, yeah, I have nothing to wear? You have tons of clothes.

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Zirgaggaramari. Zuga-a-Mari, wait, Zuga-Mardi, wait, Zuga-Murdi. Words are hard. We are here because this would be the largest witch hunt ever done by the Catholic Church, where 7,000 people were accused of being a witch. Oh yeah, 7,000 people. Now, fun little fact, this town was mainly made up of women. Oh, surprise, surprise, right?

Men did live there, but look, they were always working away. They were gone out of town working. So in this town, it was just the women, the wives all living there. And there was also a really big problem happening. A lot of the women in town were having stillborn babies, like a lot of women. I wish I could give you a percentage, but believe me, it's a lot. But naturally, rumors start spreading, okay? Why is everybody having stillborn babies?

people are starting to believe that there's a curse on the town and that's why they're having all of these stillborn babies. They believe that God had cursed them because someone amongst them was worshipping the devil allegedly. So naturally, you know, people are talking amongst each other. Hey, I heard so-and-so's like talking to the devil. Everyone's freaking out. I don't want to have a stillborn baby. I don't want to be cursed. Women are concerned. They need to weed out these witches amongst them. Obviously, there must be witches amongst them because everybody is having a hard time. The women in town were getting very worked up, pointing fingers at one another, just trying to find the answers because they were scared. So who do we blame? Well, that's when they point the finger

at 20-year-old Maria Dezimi. So Maria comes forward for some reason and she's like, hey everyone, It's me, Maria, and me and my friend were holding witch ceremonies, aka evil witch meetings. Sorry about that, and it's my fault. Maria tells people that she and her friend were doing this for about 18 months. Very specific for some reason, but okay, girl. And then she tells them, look, the only reason I am coming forward was because I got out of it.

Being a witch, that is. Maria said that she was saved by a priest through confession. She tells the townspeople, I hath struggled so hard to cast that witch life asunder. Fye, even after I was saved by thine priest, I was ill for a fortnight. For sooth, I wrestled with the devil, and at last I was able to shake him hence. Duh. So her story of no longer being a witch was very convincing.

And most of the townspeople, because there was like only 300 of them, believed her. They're like, wow, God, the priest really did save her. Bless be. Now, when Maria came forward and told everyone she was a witch, she said her friend was involved. So she throws this friend under the bus. And Maria, again, she's like, I'm not a witch, but my friend, I don't know, she might be. But the townspeople do what they do best. They get that mob mentality.

They grab their pitchforks, and they come for her. The friend, that is. The friend is probably looking out the window like, oh, fuck, what the hell is going on now? You know, you guys think I'm a witch? Why me? The mob is outside of her place harassing and harassing. I mean, she cannot take the pressure and anxiety anymore. She can't go anywhere because everyone's coming after her, calling her a witch.

She's like, look, I'm just trying to get some apples from my tree. Why are you calling me a witch? It just messes with her to the point where she's like, you know what, fine. You win, I'm a witch. So she confesses that she is indeed a witch, and she just wants the harassment to stop. So the people are like, well, then where did you learn how to be a witch? and she rats out her aunt or aunt, who then rats out someone else,

and it just snowballs from there. So much so that it creates a full-blown hysteria in this town. Neighbors are turning on neighbors, family members accusing other family members. Fingers be pointing, left and right. It was chaos. You can't trust nobody, and nobody is to be trusted. I think a lot of us kind of sit here and observe the situation

and we're like, well, if I were there, I'd probably, I wouldn't do that, I'd be different. It's like, well, who knows? If you were there, you'd probably be accusing everyone as well. I'm not trying to call you out. It's just, you know, shit happens. That was a bad example, but whatever. Listen, because all this hysteria,

it leads to a lot of people in town stepping forward, claiming to be a witch. So 10 come forward, specifically saying that they murdered children and suckled their blood. Not only that, they used powders and spells to kill a total of 29 people. Not only that, allegedly, these witches got together.

They ruined some crocs, they killed some livestock. And what did we learn from our little book? That's a fucking witch. And then this 80-year-old woman steps forward, who I love, I love this woman. She steps forward and she's like, excuse me, I'm the PR person for the witch community. In fact, I'm the queen witch. So she's claiming to be the queen witch, which I loved. Good for her.

So naturally, once these confessions happened, people continue to to talk and it escalated to the point that many believed that these witches and witches in general were participating in cannibalism. Killing babies, defiling tombs, incest, vampire shit. Not only that, they were participating in sexual relations. Oh, but not just any normal sexual relation. People were like, these witches are involved with homosexual relations. So luckily all 10 of these witches who came forward were pardoned under certain. I'm not going to go into it because it's complicated, it's confusing, but it was a good thing. There was no bloodshed.

It was nice. No one died. That is, until the church found out. Yeah. Nobody knows who went to the church and told them about this pardon that just happened. They're like, listen, these women were pardoned. Whoever it was, I'm going to assume it was a man, was stirring shit up. They knew what they were doing.

Okay? And this made the church very upset. I mean, they were pissed because in their eyes, a witch equals, like, the devil. How are you going to pardon the devil? Are you guys idiots? We have to go after them. That's what the church is thinking. You know what's weird?

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I couldn't figure out why these specific four, like why. My guess is that these four witches probably had some shit on the church, something, you know, something. Anyway, they were snatched up and thrown into prison where they awaited trial. And this would go down in history

as the famous Legrono trial. Why? Because the crazy amount of people being accused being a witch. By the end of it, something like 7,000 people were questioned, which I guess they had the time, I don't know. Now it's kind of funny because in this town they had a population of 390 people.

So how'd they end up with like 7,000? The witch hunters went to neighboring towns to search for more witches who could potentially travel to their town and cause more chaos like stillborn babies, bad weather, Satan orgies, you know, all that. So they have to get ahead of the game and weed them out while they can't.

So my thought here is that they ran out of people to blame because in town 158 were accused of being a witch and 124 were under suspicion and needed to give a confession. Now, I'm no mathematician, but I believe that leaves 108 people in town who were not accused of being witch, probably mainly men.

So I'm assuming here, they just ran out of people to blame, so they outsourced. That's my theory. The witches that were put in jail or prison, 13 of them died because they were treated so poorly. Now they said the women weren't tortured. Mm, okay guys, okay. So the priest would gather all the witches,

march them into town square, drag them onto the stage where all the townspeople gathered and to gawk at these witches who have been ruining their lives, They're angry. And the priest would look at his notes and read off what each woman was accused of in front of the crowd. He'd be like, that one over there, she's a slut. Like, that one in the middle, that Burnett, she's definitely gone to hell for sure.

I saw her do some shit. And then they'd read some long prayer, and everybody would watch as they, the accused, were burned in front of a live studio audience. Oh, my God, it was very performative and very dramatic. The crowd would cheer because they'd be. believed that these women were essentially cursing them. They thought they were doing the right thing, I think. It didn't take long for the town to put some stronger rules in place so that burning a woman alive wasn't step one in catching a witch. If you go to this town today, they actually have a museum dedicated to recreating the lives of the victims of the largest witch trial,

and every year they celebrate the witches with a big old feast called cave of witches. It goes down Every summer, they light fires and they make time to remember that they fucked up. And hopefully it won't happen again. Props to you, Zegina Madera, you're killing it. I don't think it's cool. I just think it's refreshing, I guess, to see that this town acknowledges what they did, that they messed up. And, yeah, I just think that's different because who does that?

I don't know. So Spain closed the Witch Hunt book, and King James was like, hmm, can I see that book? Let me see that book. a copy of your notes. Is that okay? Welcome to the peak of the witch hunts. Now, there was a ton of witch paranoia going on in Europe, specifically Germany, France, northern Italy, and Switzerland. Part of this was because there was a lot of religious tension going on. The Catholics and the Protestants were bickering amongst each other and making promises to the people like,

we can catch a witch. They can't stay Catholic. Here's a mug. You know, like, yeah, support your local Catholic. The church was trying so hard to get people to stay and not go to the other team because they couldn't catch witches like we could. It was, they were just being petty. The church was passing the idea that diabolical sorcery and witchcraft was the greatest threat to civilization at this time. Great. Again, pushing that fear deeper into people that the devil is coming for them.

The churches were promising to protect citizens from worldly manifestations of Satan's evil. So they're kind of telling the people, you need me, me being the church. You need us. We can protect you from Satan's evil. Sick, bruh. Once again, the church was pushing that the devil's whole purpose on this planet was to destroy everyone's soul, life, family, community, church, and state. Trickster no more. This is when they take it a step further and add a little flavoring to their witches.

Not only are they just anti-church, but now they're anti-state these witches. 2.0. So King James of Scotland fully supported. the ideas of the book, M.M. M. M. And he was a big participant in the witch hunt with the church. He's like, dude, everything sucks in the world right now. Inflation's happening. Social change because there's an increase in witches in the area, obviously. He's like, connect the dots people. Hilar has nothing to do with my ruling.

It's witches. So men, same thing. They read the book. They feel educated and confident in their abilities to spot a witch. And King James is telling them, get them, get the witches. They are why things suck right now. And men are like, yeah, fuck those witches. We're in poverty because of them. I read that book. I know what's up. God hates us because of them. My dick is small because of them. We got to get these witches, you know? They literally believe that like witches were to play for everything. So exhausting. They believe that their witches actually sold their body and soul to the devil himself, but this witch hunt was different. There was a heavier emphasis on sex. These witches made packs with Satan and would go as far as to having sex

with them. Yeah, they had Satan's D in them. That's a pretty witchy. And they also participated in sex orgies. Also, these witches had the ability to morph from human to animal. Oh yeah. They never said what they did as the animal, but I guess they could do it. They're like, I'm a butterfly. or whatever. And then they kidnapped and murdered children for the purpose of eating them and making ointments out of whatever was left. Then the witches would all get together

and talk about their misdeeds, pitch ideas to each other, share stories, and eat children. Now, at this time, 80% of people accused of witchcraft were women. Their targets seemed to be women who were unmarried, low-income, old, midwives.

Of course, we're seen as witches. And anyone who was considered a wise woman, women who are smart, educated, obviously, witch. Healers and doctors, which. But the biggest call out that I kept coming across was older women and women in poverty. So were they witches or did they just want to get rid of the quote unquote undesirables as we've seen throughout dark history? Someone get rid of Bertha. One eye is going one way and the other is going a different way. It makes me uncomfortable. She has a hairy lip. Have you seen her? She loves writing her goat, uh, Bertha.

Anyway, how did they charge women with these crimes? How did they prove it? So witch hunters would go out and find these witches, right? And once they made the accusation, Bertha, you're a witch. Now they have to prove it, right? So they were kind of flexible with their rules. They're like, okay, she's a witch, I believe you. That's all the proof I need.

Seriously, like anyone could just make the accusation and it was taken seriously. For example, there was this one lady, her name is Catherine, Now Catherine is out in her front yard and notices her neighbor is a little sick. Oh, yeah. And she's like, hey, Gertrude, hey, girl. I prayed ill for you. And now I see that prayer has to take an effect.

And naturally, Gertrude is like, oh, fuck, like, she must have put this Catherine neighbor must have put a curse on me. That's why I'm sick. I need to go tell the church. So Gertrude goes to whoever's in charge and is like, my neighbor, Catherine, put a curse on me. And now I'm sick. She's such a bitch. I mean a witch. Well, no surprise here, but Catherine was taken out

because of that one little comment she made about her neighbor. She got that, you know? Once a person was accused, they would look for witch marks. They would strip the witch naked. Search her entire body for marks, moles, or warts. If one was not found, then they would use the pricking method.

They would prick her all over with needles to see if the devil had desensitized them to pain. Of course, it hurts, someone pokes you with a needle all over, so they would keep poking until they got a response that they wanted. Again, it was a trap because once you were accused, it was game over for you, let's be real.

Well, just like the other witch hunts, if you were convicted as a witch, you would then be sentenced to death. Q execution time. Now this was a big public event. Everyone from town would come, take the day off from work, go to the town square, where you and your buddies could watch

the latest witch get burned alive. Fun, you know? Ooh. Did you bring the ice cooler? Cool. And if you promise people a show like this, you better deliver. Now, witch hunts were happening all over the world. I always think about the Salem witch trials, but honestly, when you zoom out and seeing that this was a much bigger, it's a global thing. But for now, I'm focusing on Scotland between 1590 and 1662, when these witch hunts really pop off, super pop off.

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Of course not. Why would a king wanna give up the throne? So King James is like, well, I gotta win my people back. And how am I gonna do that? Lightbulb moment, I have an idea. I tell them a witch story. People love stories, they love burning witches, it'll be great.

So the common theme here is that putting fear into people is always step one. It works every time. King James is like, I gotta tell people this scary story about this time of men a witch. He tells the people that he knows of a witch named Gaelus Duncan. So who is this Gaelis woman?

Well, Gaelis, who was a teenager at the time, worked on King James the Eighth's ship as a maid. The king and his new wife wanted to go on a honeymoon journey, cross the sea to celebrate. Fully stocked with the crew, they head out on the waters, but the trip does not go as planned. At one point, the ship almost flipped over and saved, but it was saved. Don't panic.

Tragically, the ship did have to turn around and end the honeymoon early. Ah, boo. Well, when something goes wrong, who do you blame? A woman or a witch. Sometimes say they're the same thing. Usually it's the same thing. So Gailas got the finger pointed right at her.

And this is when rumors came to light. Some heard that Gailas made her own waitments. Some even said that they saw her making her own home remedies. Fucking weirdo, you know? And some other guy was like, I saw Gaylis walking alone at night. So they all put their brains together. Ointments, home remedies.

Walking at night? This could only mean one thing. Gaylis was a witch. And she cursed the ship. Now mind you, this is what King James is telling the people. So because of this, Gayless, she was arrested for being a witch. While she was interrogated, she was stripped naked. They shaved her entire body because they both

believed that the devil hid in women's hair. Just another thing, you know, the devil did, right? My God. So they strip her, they shave her entire body, they search for the devil's mark, being moles or dark freckles. So they poked and they pricked her skin to see if she bled.

And after searching and searching, they claim to have found the devil's mark on her throat, which is like so annoying because they shaved her entire body. They looked up and down and in between. And then they find, you know, the mole on her throat, like you couldn't see that in the first five minutes, you know? I just feel like they could have saved a bunch of money and time with Geico, but instead they chose a different route.

They continued to torture her for days. Days go by. Torture. Now, some say that while she was in custody, she was sexually assaulted, and others say that she was full on raped while they're doing that little mole search. Yeah. They were doing anything to get a confession out of her, asking who her accomplices were. Who are you working with? Tell us. Now eventually because Gaylis is being tortured, she starts giving names. Duh, hello, yeah. She ends up giving a list of 60 other women she believed to be a witch. 60. I don't even think I know 60 people like, okay.

She doesn't make it up names. Good for her. Now this is where King James and his crew get the idea that Gaylis and these 60 women, they must come from the same group of witches, aka a coven. And it was rumored that Satan had given this coven the task of destroying the king. They were sent to take him down and that's why things were so shitty at that time because witches were contaminating the area with their filth. Poor Galas was sentenced to death and everyone came out to watch or die. So after this, King Jay, he realizes he's getting a lot of praise and positive feedback from the people for taking down a witch. He's like, I know, I'm amazing.

This is when he decides to run with it and hopefully this will be, you know, the way to win his people back. It was essentially a campaign of terror against women. Naturally, once again, everyone's on high alert, especially women, because well, you're the target. And then this woman comes forward named Margaret Atkin. Now Margaret, she would come in and further fuck shit up. So Marge comes forward to the men in charge and she's like, oh my God, it's so crazy because I'm actually a witch. But I'm telling you this because I can help you guys out. I can use my powers for good. I know how to easily spot a witch just by looking into their eyes. I can help you guys speed up the process. And then the King's team is like, yeah, okay, like, all right. She's the literal mole. They found their mole. Now, this is my thought

process. This is a side note. Marge is either a kiss ass or smart as hell. She kind of like found a loophole to stay alive. Like if you can't beat them, join them kind of thing. I think that's what she's doing. I'm not sure, but she... Okay, girl. This is when the king assigns a few people to go with Marge, town to town, door to door, searching for witches. So Marge is naturally going around like, she's a witch, she's a witch. I don't like the way that you're looking at me, you're definitely a witch. She was just going around labeling people as witches. And then she gets a little performative. She would look into their eyes and was like, I can't tell with this one. Time for the sink or swim method, so they'd throw the witch, the alleged witch, into the water, and see if they would sink

or float. Now, Marge and her accusations were taken very seriously. Anyone labeled as a witch was thrown into prison and tortured until they got a confession. Once again, if you're being tortured, most likely you're going to confess. So this led to many confessions. And this made Margaret look great. They're like, wow, Marge. Well, Margaret, you're great at this. You're catching a lot all witches, keep it common. Well, those accused, they would stand trial and most of them were sentenced to death. Whoops, Margaret. Whoops. Now the final number of those accused by Margaret remains unknown, but many believe it was in the hundreds. Well, it didn't take long until somebody caught on to Margaret that she perhaps wasn't telling the truth. I'm not sure who,

but somebody did some sniffing around on Margaret and exposed her. her as a fake. They're like, hey, wait a minute. She's not a witch at all, she's a fraud. Uh-oh, Marge, looks like your little plan is backfiring. Everything she said was indeed a lie. And the entire community in townspeople, they felt stupid as hell.

They actually believed this lying witch. As more and more people found out about this lie, it just proved to everybody that they may, perhaps maybe, I don't know, killed a bunch of innocent people, not witches at all. After this is when witch hunters and the witch accusers lost credibility within the community. Nobody trusted them.

Why should they? They literally just killed a bunch of people for no reason other than a lie, you know? So naturally, once again, people need someone to blame. Who did they blame? This time, Margaret. Margaret, it's your turn, you're up, batter up. Margaret ends up going to trial where she then confessed to making everything up. And the townspeople were probably super excited to see her die.

So they burned her at the stake in 1597. By Marge. That same year, the king releases a series of books called Demonology to breathe new life into the witch hunts. He needed to win his audience, first of all. Second of all, he wants to keep killing them witches. He's like, come on, you guys. Aren't we still mad? Come on.

But the witch hunt did not pop off like it once did. Courts throughout Europe decriminalized it. And they realized that maybe witchcraft isn't a reason to burn someone alive. Just a thought. Even though it did fizzle down a bit, people who are still accused. of witchcraft for hundreds of years to come. And you're probably wondering, well, what happened to King James? Well, he went on to be fine.

He lived a very long life and even went on to write for the Bible or something. Yeah, that King James. But don't worry, America was like, wait, let me see that MM book. Can I copy those notes? And that's what inspired the Salem Witch Trials, baby. Our turn. Yay! Who's first?

Sarah. Come on down, Sarah. Get that little snaggle tooth on. over here. Get your little ass over here, Sarah, come on. So what did we learn here today, friends? Well, and in doubt blame women seems to be the common theme. I mean, the witch hunt was just a war on women, let's be real. The media still does this today. It's easy to pile on someone just because a bunch of people say that they're bad. It can happen to anyone. And maybe we should take a little lesson from that town in Ziggum, if I could say the damn town in Spain.

They own their fucked up history as a reminder to the people for it to never happen again. I mean, if you think about it if we had been alive just a couple hundred years ago, there is a pretty good chance we might have been accused of witchcraft. I know I would. You know, I definitely would have been burned at the stake. For something as dumb as like walking alone or having a weird mole or disagreeing with a man. So in a way, I guess we're all witches and be proud. Go ride that goat backwards. Go steal a man's penis in the night. I mean, if anyone's got the mark of the devil, it's definitely me with all my tattoos, right? I actually do have this one weird Mark. Let me show you. I have to remove my pants for it. Hold on. Thank you for learning with me

today. Remember, don't be free to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. I'd love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag Dark History so I can follow along. Yay! Join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, also catch murder, mystery, and makeup. I hope you have a great day today. You make good choices. talking to you next week. Goodbye. Hey, witches, huh? Fun. Real women accused of fake crimes, all because people didn't understand them or just didn't like them. Now let's fast forward a few centuries and surprise, we're still doing it. Only this time, instead of broomsticks and cauldrons,

it's daycare centers and dungeons and dragons. So let's talk about about the satanic panic. When I was growing up, Smurfs were on TV. They were cool. They were living, right? And if you don't know what a smurf is, it's like those little tiny blue characters. They lived in like a cute little house,

in the peaceful forest, and their goal was to outwit an evil sorcerer and his scruffy looking cat. You'd turn on the TV every Saturday. Saturday morning and what would be on, all Smurfs. And I don't know where. My mom comes in and she tells me to turn it off. And I'm like, why, Mom? Smurfs. And she said, you are not allowed to be watching the Smurfs, God damn it. They are the work of the devil. And I said, I didn't know the devil spent time drawing cartoons, but okay. And this wasn't the first time I was told that Satan was behind something, something I loved. Lucky Charms. Forget about that devil looking rainbow man,

And leprechaunic. Why? Because all of that magic and wizardry. Christina Aguilera? Temptress. A temptress by Lucifer himself. I bring up Christina Aguilera because I could remember when her dirty album came out or stripped? Excuse me, stripped. Everyone wanted it. I was not allowed. So naturally, I had to find out who decided that the devil is just in things. You know, I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't say, like, Thel shall not listen to X-Tina. So I got to dig it around. Like, why were all of our parents freaking out about the devil and Satan when we were just trying to enjoy cartoons or eat cereal? Listen to the script album, you know?

And this also reminded me of something I've talked about over on my murder mystery and makeup. Remember Satanic Panic? I love a spooky rhyme. So Satanic Panic was brought up in multiple murder cases in the 80s, and it made people terrified of stuff that they thought was the work of Satan. They were believing that Lucifer was lurking all around us, just tempting all the children in town. So I kind of knew what it was, but I wanted to know why. When? How? What was the actual story behind satanic panic? Well, it turns out someone remembered that something happened. Michelle? Oh yes, Michelle remembers. That is where our story starts.

today. If you didn't know, because I sure didn't, Michelle remembers, it's a book. So the year is 1980. The place, Victoria, British Columbia. Do, do, do, do, do. Wait, no, because that's in Canada, they're in Canada. They're not British. Do, do, do, do. Whatever. I just like that song. Anyway, so British Columbia, Victoria, you get it. A 31-year-old woman by the name of Michelle Smith, she seems to be struggling with something internally. So she goes and she sees a psychiatrist. Now this doctor, his name is Dr. Lawrence Pazder, started using the technique hypnosis on her.

Now he's hoping that this will help uncover any repressed memory she may have. So the two would end up spending over 600 hours together with the goal of helping Michelle through whatever trauma she seemed to be struggling with. Over time, memories slowly but surely started to trickle out. Remember, she's under hypnosis, right? So when you're under hypnosis, you're like half asleep, I think. I'm not sure. I've never done it.

Have you done it? Let me know down below. Thank you. One that came back to her, she remembered being five years old and something dark was going on all around her. A split second of another memory comes back. Now she's surrounded by people chanting. Then another flash, cages all around her.

being sacrificed. Now, the doctor starts asking Michelle leading questions, like, are you being sexually abused or were you being sexually abused? And she's like, yes. And she starts sharing these memories. I'm going to use quotes here because we're not sure, but she starts sharing these memories with her doctor. And he starts coming up with his own theory or belief as to where Michelle's trauma really seems to be stemming from. So Dr. Padser believes that Michelle was struggling with something called SRA. That's right. Now, this is no STD.

No, nay, nay. This stands for a satanic ritual abuse. She's like, what the hell is that? Oh, shit. SRA was a term created by Dr. Pastor because of the hours he had spent with Michelle. He truly believed that she had suffered abuse while in the hands of the Church of Satan,

which would explain the animal sacrifices, the dark energy, the sexual abuse, the chanting. Oh, it all made sense to both of them. That's it. That's the answer. So Dr. Padster is like, well, there's probably a thousand other Michelle's out there who too may have been part of some type of satanic abuse. People need to know this story.

So Dr. Padster and Michelle work together and write a book sharing Michelle's repressed memories that she had uncovered. But not only that, the book was also suggesting to readers that maybe you too have been part of this and you don't even know it yet. So, the two of them released the book in 1980 called Michelle Remembers. Now, this book ends up being a huge hit. I mean, this is new to people. Satanic rituals? Abuse? You know, like on top of that, a credible doctor is saying that this is real?

What's going to happen? Well, people are freaking out, of course. And it's not long after the book's release that it trickles down its way to America, and it gets into the hands of the middle class mother. So a ton of people are reading these, okay? And then the word of mouth, right? Hey, have you read that book, Michelle remembers? Oh my God, when it's not.

You have to read it, girl, go get it. So everyone is reading this book. People are obsessed because, come on, this is America. Land of the Free, home of the Jesus. This, to a lot of people, had convinced. confirmed what a lot of them felt like they had already been thinking, that the devil is starting to win the battle of good versus evil. Now, America was going through some major growing pains. The 1950s were the time of the housewife, the white picket fence, beautiful family of four with like a dog named Spot and like a dad named Roger who works nine to five at the bank and coaches little league.

But then the 60s roll around. And the counterculture shows up. During this time, people start experimenting with mind-altering substances. I'm talking drugs, baby. People are expanding their minds, creating cool music, hanging out with Manson. Colts are a thing, et cetera, et cetera, you know? And while most people were hanging on to the idea of what America should be, this younger generation was ready for change.

And change was a coming. Chew, chew, you get it, because I'm a train. I'm the train of change, and I'm coming. So the country gets involved in Vietnam War, crack and cocaine shows up on the streets. Drugs are declared public enemy number one. Rock music gets more popular, and then President Nixon is caught being a naughty boy,

so he resigns and just flies away in a helicopter, you know? And the country is like, what in the world is happening? So much change, it just seems like chaos. Like, who is in charge here? The chaos of America was making a lot of people very uncomfortable. And this continues into the 1980s where we get heavy metal music and questionable cartoons. Smurfs. But it wasn't just cartoons on television that was new. The 80s were big time for

televangelists. Great. Televangelists were essentially pastors on television sharing the word of God while you call in and you donate your recent paycheck for Jesus. Not only that, they reached a much larger audience and kind of put more fear into people watching. Like, Satan's going to get you. You know? The wilder the claims, the bigger the audience, the more cash they bring in, right? So they're preaching to huge audiences to be careful about sinful temptations all around. Watch out on television and your kids' games. You got to make sure that your kids present themselves to the world in a godly manner. You don't want your kid looking like Satan's little dumpster squirrel. They were telling parents to keep an eye out on their children

because they could easily go down the wrong path, children. So the parents are keeping a closer eye on their kids because the devil is all around with his temptations. So parents get honestly a little bit more paranoid about what their kids are playing with, right? What they're watching on TV. I mean, it goes all the way down to their freaking board games. Ma! Not my hungry hippos, ma!

It's not Satan, Ma! Let's jump back a few years to 1974, movies like The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby, which all have to do with Satan possessing young children. They're out in theaters, bringing millions, millions of dollars across America. People are just loving Satan possessions. And Satan seems to be on the rise. And then a new fun and an alluring game hits the shelves and a toys are us nearby. A board game called Dungeons and Dragons.

First, parents were like, yay, go play your game of sorry in the basement with your friends. Dinner's at 6. What I'm getting at is parents didn't really think anything of this little board game. That is, until the neighbors got together and started chatting a little bit. Hey, did you know that your son is playing that D&D game pretending to be a demon? Yeah, he's doing that after school, Cindy. Dungeons and Dragons, they're all pretending to be demons. Now, parents were told that D&D stood for delusional and dangerous.

It's a wild jump. My God. To be fair, kids really loved this game. They got really into it, and they still do, to this day. It's said to be a very fun game. You could play nonstop, right? Spent hours together playing this game. And parents at the time just could not understand.

And they also thought that kids playing this game was actually an introduction to Satanism. I thought Dungeons and Dragons was some kind of BDSM game, honestly. Like, I thought that for a long time. It's not. You know, dungeons and dragons? Right? But it's not. In reality, it's a game about magic and wizards.

Who would have thought? It's a fantasy tabletop role-playing game, Bailey. Again, but when you say role-playing game, I think, like, are you going to be the dragon or the dungeon? Anyways, but naturally parents took it to the extreme When they heard this game had magic and wizards Mm-mm, game over, they lost their shit. Satan is speaking to my child through a table game.

Jesus, Jesus, take the wheel, take the wheel. Okay, so that game came out, and then the year 1979, listen, this is where things get a little fucked up, real fucked up, actually, let's talk about this. We're in the town of East Lansing, Michigan. It's just west of Detroit, I guess. Hey, how are you doing East Lansing? Anyways, a freshman named John Dallas Eggburn

has just moved into his college dorm at Michigan State University. Now, he was born in Ohio and came from a pretty well-off family. John had been ready to go to college for a while because he was a little smarty pants. People would even go on to call him a prodigy. And to be fair, I think he was

Because at the age of 12, he was fixing computers for the freaking army. Yes, the United States Army at 12. I don't even know how they found him. Isn't that illegal? That's a child labor or whatever. But when John got to college, he was ready to focus on computer science. So he's at college, you know, and if you've gone to college, you know how it is. Kids are doing kickstands left and right.

The beginning of college freedom from your parents is like, let's fucking rage, you know? I don't even know if people go to classes. I think they do them. They just fall off. Everyone's having a good time, except there's one little problem. John is nowhere to be found. He's not at his dorm. He's not showing up for classes.

Where could he be? Right? So at some point, his parents are contacted and they show up on campus to search his room. And that's when they find a creepy little note. All it says is, quote, if I go missing, cremate my body. Now, the police rule this as a suicide note, but the problem, like, there was no body. where was John? So John's parents are worried sick.

They have no idea what's going on. Was he abducted? Did he commit suicide? Kidnapped? Is there a ransom? Did he run away? There's so many questions running through their heads. And there's no answers.

No parent is just going to be like, well, okay, he's not here. Guess it's time to go home, you know? So the family decides it's probably best if they hire a private investigator. So they come across this highly recommended PI named William Deere. After sitting down and interviewing him, they decide, this is our guy. And they were right. Like William was well known for going in hard, leaving no stone unturned. And that's exactly what John's parents wanted, right, to find any answers as to what happened to their son. So where does this P.I. start? Well, William Deere's first

stop was to check out John's childhood room, hoping to find any clues or any leads possible, right? Who is he? This John kid. And William Deere discovers something he believes is a, clue. He comes across that demon board game. He's heard of that demon board game. It's called Dungeons and Dragons. This is in John's room. Oh, shit. Now at this point, John's disappearance has been shared nationwide. So everyone was invested. The smart, promising young man from a good wealthy family just disappeared. What could this be? So the private investigator feels that it's important to update the public on what he has discovered. And he shares with the press that John was into Dungeons and Dragons.

And let me tell you, the press loses their goddamn mind. They run with this one detail, and it becomes the whole story. The media publishes headlines like Game cultists still missing. And then there's Dungeons and Dragons Colts may lead to Missing Boy. Oh, and another great fantasy turned real life may have killed student. And a side note on this, no one had even confirmed if John was dead. Hey, it sold newspapers. Remember that episode we did on yellow journalism

where it's like, nobody really gave a rat's ass about the truth who was just like, are you going to sell me newspapers or not? That's this. They ran with it. People love Satan. Well, they don't love Satan, but like, you know, if a story involves Satan, they want to read all about it.

Anyway, the PI searches the college campus looking for any leads as to where John could be. He searches high. He searches low. He even goes into weird tunnels. under the school, where like a lot of kids would hang out. And that's where he would come across some graffiti. Oh, shit.

Not just any normal graffiti. This seemed to be satanic-looking symbols relating to the images he had seen from Dungeons and Dragons. Once again, this PI goes to his favorite people, the press. And he's like, hey, guys, I found some questionable images, which further keep fanning the flames that Dungeons and Dragons was somehow to blame. for John's disappearance. Anyway, somehow during this media frenzy, the press discovers that John had been struggling

with his mental health and also was under stress about his sexual identity. With this in mind, the press decides to run with it. They put out there that they believe John was gay, essentially outing him. Not even essentially, they're straight up outing him just to sell papers.

Now, this further cemented in some people's minds that being gay was also somehow satanic. Like, don't play Dungeons and Dragons. it might turn you gay, eye roll. Later on, we find out that unfortunately, John did have demons of his own. He was struggling from depression, but not in the way that the press wanted to paint it.

Because to those vultures, this promising college student went missing because of his involvement with Satan. So months go by. Months go by, nobody has answers. The PI is still looking for John, and finally, in Morgan City, Louisiana, John was found.

Alive. What? Yes, alive. John tells the PI that he was in hiding. You know, like, he's like, why would I want to come forward when the media was making all these crazy stories about me, whatever, you know? Like, why would anyone want to come forward when the media was just going nuts? And the fact that they were also maybe outing him,

putting out the narrative that he might be gay. The whole country knew his business, and that is everything John did not want. So the PI reassures John, like, don't worry. I won't tell anyone your secret. and we'll tell me when I found you. Bye. He tells his family anyway, and John thinks it would be best

if he laid low for a while. So he does that for about a year. John was having a hard time coping with the pressure of bad press all around him and everything that was going on. Even though it was proven that everything that had happened

with John had nothing to do with Dungeon and Dragons and everything to do with his depression, it didn't matter. It finally reached a boiling point, and John decided to take his own life in 1980. What did we accomplish here?

Do you guys feel good about yourself, press? Media. Do you feel good about yourself? Fucking assholes. To make matters worse, the PI decided to write a book about the whole case called The Dungeon Master. Yeah. Which, as you may be able to guess, was about how Dungeons and Dragons led John down a satanic path of self-destruction. And it made the PI a shit ton of money, and he became a celebrity.

And if you aren't paying attention, let me just remind you, this whole thing wasn't even true. John was just struggling with depression and just wanted a minute to be left alone and this PI wrote this whole book about nothing about D&D it's just a shitstorm. It's a circle jerk. It's just never ending. It's like, what the and he's making a ton of money off of this

poor man who took his own life? Like, anyways, circling back to Dungeons and Dragons. Now you would think that D&D might have taken a big hit from all of this, but guess what? Of course not. I didn't. There's no such thing as bad press. D&D was sold out everywhere. People were like, what?

Let me get in on this. I don't want to do that. Sounds cool. Sales sword. And the game became cooler and edgier than ever before. I mean, what happens when you tell a bunch of kids they shouldn't do something? They go even harder and nothing goes as hard as heavy metal. And this, my friends, is when Satanic Panic gets its own soundtrack.

Hey, Joan, you look really cute. If you can't see Joan, come over to the YouTube, my YouTube channel where you can actually watch this podcast. But Joan has a really cute costume on. I'm sorry. Paul looks cute, but he didn't really show up. He didn't put in work, Paul. Sorry, but Joan over here, she, like, tried. And we love that.

Look it, Paul's getting real pissed. Okay, battle is on between you two. Anyways, we're back to the story. The year? 1982. Okay, so just imagine. Go with me on this journey, because this is a fun one. Close your eyes.

It's 19802. You're a young kid, a teenager, let's say. You're a teenager living in Iowa, home of the corn. You grew up in this small town and you're going to go see your favorite musician. Someone you've looked up to your entire life, the greatest musician of all time. Who's that? He's a god to you. Ozzy, Osbourne, you know? So you get to the stadium.

You're so excited you brought to your damn pants. You forced your way to the front of the crowd. Women are taking their bras off and throwing it on stage. And you think to yourself, this is it. This is my moment to give Ozzy my gift. I'm dying to give him my gift. So you reach into your wrangler's back pocket and pull out a stiff, dead bat.

Yeah, like the bat, like an animal. You pull that out. Now you scream to the stage. Ozzie! I love you, man! And then you grab that bat and you throw that shit on stage. Your life is made. The crab goes wild. is that a bat?

And you're like, fuck yeah, I brought a bat. Top that. And you're like, where do you even get a bat? Well, I don't know. You know? What Ozzy Osbourne does next would change the heavy metal genre forever. So Ozzy's on stage.

He's screaming the lyrics of Crazy Train or something. And then he sees like this bat fall right in front of his feet. He's like, so he leans down. He picks up the bat's limp body, chomps his teeth down, on the bat's neck, and rips its head off, leaving Ozzy's mouth dripping and bat blood and guts. After that, all bets were off, bitch.

So the picture of Ozzy that was circulating you around, he had like blood smeared all over his face, just confirmed the fears of parents all across America that heavy metal music equals Satan. Or heavy metal music is satanic. I mean, look at him, him being Ozzy. He literally just performed a live animal sacrifice in front of thousands of people. This took place in the middle of America.

Satan was attacking the heartland. You know, he's coming for us. People are worried. The conversation around heavy metal is really amping up that they're satanic, and they make Satan love and music. And heavy metal bands are into this because if it scares parents, it makes kids and teenagers want it even more. So they kind of like lean into it.

So guys like Ozzy and other heavy metal bands are like, yeah, just fucking let's go. with it, why work against it? Bands like ACDCs start putting out songs like Highway to Hell, or even Ozzy putting out lyrics like, quote, I was born mean. By the time I was 12, I was killing. Killing for Satan, end quote. The devil or even satanic symbols were on album covers, posters, t-shirts.

I mean, this was a big FU to the people who were saying the devil has infiltrated every corner of America. Despite their efforts, heavy metal music was getting more and more popular. So a bunch of good Christian mothers, you know, them little angels doing the Lord's work. They decided, you know what, enough is enough. We have to do something about it, you guys. Grab your purse. Let's go.

We're going straight down to the president's office. We could just like talk to him, right? We just knock on his door, the president of the United States. Great. See you there. A few powerful, wealthy, well-connected women go to Washington, D.C. And make their way to the Capitol building with a purpose. They sit their little butts in front of some.

some senators and proceed to say, do you know what our children are listening to? We need more control over what they are listening to. And the senators were like, yeah, this is how the whole parental advisory label was born. You know, when you buy, you know, I don't think you're buying CDs, but when he used to buy records and CDs, there was that label that warned you that there were naughty or inappropriate lyrics in the album. Yeah, that came because of these bozos. And parents across the country are doing a happy dance. They're like, we did it. High five. We solved Satanism. But little did they know that this whole thing would backfire in a huge way. So these parents thought that, you know, this would ruin these bands forever and no one was

going to, no one was going to be able to buy these albums. Instead, millions of kids went out to record stores searching for albums with these labels. Because if you got your hands on one, it was kind of like a badass badge of honor. All the parents did was make these bands and record companies even more popular because kids were seeking them out and Satan wins again. Whoops. So while people like Ozzy and heavy metal rockers were chewing the heads off of bats inhaling Satan on stage, there were rumors that other musicians were getting in touch

with the devil in more subtle ways. Have you guys ever heard of those secret messages that you can only hear when you play a record backwards? Well, that's called backmasking, and it got extremely popular. In 1981, a Christian minister named Michael Mills went on a Christian radio talk show, and he like went through a whole bunch of popular rock songs, claiming, like, each one had a secret satanic messaging, with the goal being to bring America's youth to the dark side. One famous example is from Led Seppelin's iconic song, Stairway to Heaven.

If played in reverse, a part of the song is said to say, quote, Here's to you, my sweet Satan, the ones whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan. He'll give those with him six, six, six. Like, what does that even mean, you guys? Like, my God. But honestly, like, most of the songs that they played backwards just sounded like chaotic gibberish. They were just reaching. This guy was bored.

He had too much time on his hands. If you play music backwards. Like, what are you doing? No one's doing that. Relax. Right? But this whole backmasking thing actually gave a lot of musicians a great. idea. They're like, hell yeah. We should actually code messages into our music. Great idea, guy.

And this made paranoid parents lose their goddamn minds. The problem is that when musicians started to actually do this, it made people caught up in the satanic panic go, well, how do we know what's the devil and what is it? And guess what they decided? It's all the devil. And it just made people more curious and freaking pumped to hear the crazy shit. So more people would buy records. So every time someone brings satanic panic into the conversation and tries to eliminate it, they only make it worse. The simmer becomes a boil, and baby, the boil is ready to bubble over. Now we're in Manhattan Beach, California. It's a beautiful, picture-perfect beach community right on the Pacific Ocean. This was considered like the perfect place to raise a family until a bombshell accusation in

1983. A call comes into the 911 dispatcher center. On the line is a frantic mother. Her name's Judy Johnson, and she's reporting something very disturbing. She says her young son attends a preschool called McMartin preschool, and she says that her son was sexually assaulted by one of his teachers there. Oh, shit. Now before this, McMarton School was a trusted family-run institution. No accusations of wrongdoing throughout the years. Judy makes a 911 call, right?

And she's making some wild accusations, so of course, police, like, they waste no time. They respond right away. One of the first things they do was send out a scary letter to 200 parents with children at the school. It says that someone has reported child abuse and the parents should ask their own children if they had experienced anything like that as well. Parents lose their freaking minds and start pulling their kids out of the school and putting them into therapy, which honestly, smart move, right? Therapy is never a bad thing if you hear that sexual abuse is going on. I'm not a parent, but I couldn't imagine I'd flip. People are kind of thinking they're doing the right thing, but let me tell you, not.

with this story. The young children of McMartin preschool were put through hundreds of hours of intense therapy. The therapists were using puppets and dolls with private parts asking like, hey, child, point to where the teacher had touched you. And they were also asking children to describe what happened at school. Early on, most of the kids are like, I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't abused. Can I go home now? Normally these kids probably would have been released. Parents are convinced that the devil is here trying to get their kids, so the therapist grills them even harder and starts asking leading questions. The therapist uncover some rather interesting stories. No one was expecting. For one, some kids start talking about animal

sacrifices that were happening right in front of their faces. They're bringing up horses, draps, rabbits, and even the classroom pets were being killed, allegedly, in tunnels beneath the school for all to see. And then some kids reported that they were taken on wild field trips to the local cemetery where they were forced to dig up dead bodies. Yeah, preschoolers digging up dead bodies. That's a field trip. Am I right? Some kids even described being taken from their classroom down into like this tunnel system

that ran under the preschool where they would be sexually abused. And the chairing on top of all these terrifying things that the kids were saying, well, they said that the teachers at school sometimes flew around the classroom. room. Flute. Flying around the classroom and they did this all in the name of Satan. I know when these kids are bringing up that their teachers are flying around the room, I had questions, but there were no answers. Like, where did that come from? That'd be cool. I'd be like, what sick? So these kids were literally living Michelle Smith's satanic ritual abuse memory. Evangelists and people who had been the loudest about satanic panic were like, see, we told you guys, it's happening

in our backyards. The children, save the children. Now get this. Multiple preschools in the area shut down because everyone's scared. Everyone's thinking like, I don't know, like all preschools might be bad. So it's looking real bad for the McMartin preschool. Based on the police investigation and the therapist reports, L.A. County attorneys bring criminal charges against school. By 1984, 360 children were claiming to have been abused. And usually, where there's smoke, there's fire. Right? I don't know. Maybe. So whenever the trial takes place or whatever, everyone goes to the courtroom, okay? Everyone in town wants to know what the if is going on. Hundreds of kids are there. Even more parents, it's just chaotic. Reporters have their cameras focused on the building. It's a trial of century.

People at home are just eating their popcorn waiting for the trial to confirm their greatest fear. The community has been taken over by Satanist who are trying to corrupt their children. Sure. During the pre-trial for this case, which lasted 20 months, a bunch of weird shit starts to come out, like weird shit. First of all, Judy Johnson, the hero mom that blew the whistle on this horrible school of saintness, the one who like started this whole thing, well, news breaks that she fully made up the story about her child being abused. Shit. Now, there was an expert witness to speak to this, but turns out they weren't really qualified to speak on the matter. And not only this, she claimed that her son. abuser, the teacher. She said, he can fly, which is where the kids got the idea that their teachers

could fly. I don't know. And then she said, that abusive teacher has been drilling holes into my son's armpits. And people were like, what? And then it comes out, Judy Johnson was actually a very sick woman. Yeah. Well, my thing is, like, if she's saying that they're drilling holes into her son's armpits, I mean, you know, I want to believe the children, of course, but it's like, Why don't you want to just look in the kid's armpit and see if that's true? Did nobody check? Okay. Anyways, she was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who was also struggling with alcoholism.

So you'd think, you know, hey, case closed. Sorry about that. But what about the other 359 kids who said crazy stuff had happened to them? What about that giraffe they supposedly sacrificed for Satan? Well, all that? Guess what? Lies. It was all lies.

And remember how those kids went through hundreds of hours of therapy? Well, it was more like a full-blown. interrogation than therapy. The kids were being emotionally manipulated and they were asked leading questions. Questions like, are you sure you didn't see your teacher fly? With her eye twitching. Susie said she saw the teacher fly. Are you saying Susie is a liar? These are preschoolers. These kids pretty much believed into thinking the satanic abuse actually did indeed happen. After years of investigation, millions of dollars and an insane amount of press attention, not one piece of concrete evidence was ever presented at trial.

Not making that up. They didn't have one little piece of evidence, nothing. They never found any tunnels. They never found any sacrificed animals. The kids never took any field trips to the graveyard. And all those terrible things the kids said happened, well, it turns out they were just repeating what their parents were telling them to say. so weird. Like, why would you tell you, I don't understand that. But here's the real kicker. The doctor from

earlier who wrote Michelle remembers, remember? He and Michelle met with the parents and children from McMartin preschool and pretty much coached them on exactly what to say. And wouldn't you know, their story sounded a whole lot like Michelle's. Mm-hmm. And I mean, they were kids, they're babies. Usually when adult tells a kid something, they listen, right? I don't know. I don't have kids, but that's what I assume. I hear that kids are like sponges. I have a sponge, so I know what that's like. See? I'm a parent.

A few years after the trial ended, a bunch of psychologists came out with studies showing people can easily be convinced of things that never happened. And this is referred to as false memory syndrome. And if you're basing a whole case off of it, for example, like the McMartin preschool case, It can be very dangerous and misleading. By 1990, every charge against the McMartin preschool employees were thrown out, and all these charges against the teachers were dropped. Even though nothing came of the case,

it was still the longest and most expensive criminal trial in American history at the time. They spent $15 million on nothing. Wow, you know, could you just gave that to us. We could have found something to do with it, But nope, Satan got it. Who got that money? Yeah.

Anyways, it wasn't just money that was wasted. Obviously, innocent lives were completely ruined and destroyed. I mean, children are probably traumatized from this too. Shit. People spent actual time in jail and their lives and their reputations were destroyed forever. And maybe that is the real work of the devil. You know? Since then, we've learned a lot about false memories.

It's not just misremembering the spelling of like Bernstein-bearance. or whatever, researchers have shown that false memories can be implanted for significant traumatic events. We've also learned that certain things make false memories more likely, like using leading questions, what they did in the McMartin preschooler case, and also when hypnosis is used, Michelle remembers. Yeah. And just to let you guys know, these tactics are still used today. I mean, there are many, quote-unquote therapists out there who think satanic ritual abuse is real, and like maybe it is, shit, I don't know. And use these tactics. to try and treat their patients.

So this whole story, because I was thinking about it, and I was like, you know what? Satanic panic reminds me of? Chaco Tacos. Yeah. Hello, obvious. Remember a few months back? Maybe you don't.

Because I feel like nobody heard this except for like a small few people. But anyways, Chaco Taco Taco came out and was like, hey, we're getting rid of Chaco Tacos. And everyone was like, no, I don't know if they Jago-Tago, you know, just losing their goddamn minds. The company literally was discounting them because no one was buying them

and then all of a sudden these fans come out of the woodwork like, wait, my jungle, like no, you know? I guess the fear of losing this delicious treat just really sent people over the edge. People went out, bought a shit ton of them, sold them online for thousands of dollars and because of panic.

The company is probably going to bring them back. All of this was because of chaco-taco panic. They did this with Twinkieck-Twin. too. Remember when Twinkies were going away and everyone was like Twinkies? And then they go and they buy them all. It just shows you how strong the power of panic can be. So next time people are panicking about something, maybe take a deep breath. Calm down. There you go. You're welcome. It doesn't matter if it's for the devil or for ice cream. Human psychology is wild. And the brain can jump through some serious hoops to believe whatever the hell it wants to believe. Anyways, friends,

I would love to hear what you think of today's story. But for me, I think by Takeaway here is to just stay curious. Think for yourself. As silly as that sounds, right, you just got to think for yourself, this mom mentality. If everyone's like jumping and attacking somebody for being a witch, being the devil, et cetera, et cetera, I don't know, maybe step away and think for yourself, right? Instead, maybe buy a ticket on the crazy train with Ozzy Osbourne and head to a Dungeons and Dragons tournament. You'll thank me later. Oh, also, anybody watch if you play Dungeons and Dragons, I'm looking to start my own D&D little crew. I'm looking for a dungeon master.

If you kind of, you know, you can like be my dungeon master and then, you know, it's a, however you take that, open for suggestions on how to get a dungeon master for my board game. Well, everyone, thank you so much for learning with me today. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions and get the whole story because you deserve. that. Stay curious. I'd love to hear you guys' reactions to today's story, so make sure to use the hashtag Dark History over on social media so I can follow along. Right, Joan? Great. Join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And also while you're there, don't forget to drop on by and catch my murder, mystery, and makeup. I hope you have a

wonderful rest of your day. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye! That was a wild ride, wasn't it, huh? You know who remembers? Michelle remembers. Yeah. It's crazy how a couple of bad therapy sessions like turned into a full-blown nationwide panic. Now, how do we top that?

Well, in our next episode, we talk about ways that people have been explaining the unexplainable. Some people say these things are BS. Others make it their whole personality. Rumor has it. It's usually a Virgo. I'm talking about psychics and astrology. Yeah, listen, we learned a lot in this one. So let's get into it. Okay, so what's your sign? Have you ever been asked that question? Have you ever asked someone that yourself? I know you have. Okay, you guys are always trying to analyze everybody. with your little signs. More than 90% of the adult population,

they know their zodiac sign. But if you ask them if they believe in astrology, they probably won't answer with the resounding yes. So what's that all about? I started thinking about this and wondered, how did astrology get its start? What was its influence? Who took it seriously?

Did anyone use it to their advantage? Is it a legit science or just a bunch of flimflam to use Houdini's name? word. And where do psychics fit into all of this if they even do in the first place? In my mind, the two are linked together, you know? So I wanted to find out if they were. Well, I did a little digging and I found out that in order to answer these questions, we need to start at the beginning. And I mean the very beginning. Okay, let's go. It said that astrology got its start around 2000 BCE, which also was the year math was invented.

Prehistoric humans mapped stars, the seven visible planets, and even used marking bones to mark the lunar phases. By 1,200 BCE, the people of Sumer, which today we know as Iraq and Syria, began to make note of the movement of the planets and stars. The Sumerians can be credited with all kinds of advances in agriculture, math, and astronomy that we still use to this day. Next came the Babylonians, and they picked up where the Sumerians left off. Over the course of thousands of years, they came up with the very first version of astrology. This system theorized that the position of the planets, sun, and moon within the stars at the time of the person's birth helped determine their personality and influence the course of their whole life. To help analyze this info, they created a chart that they called a horoscope.

Now, this chart is what astrologers used to help people understand their lives and, like, help them make decisions. And the oldest known horoscope chart dates all the way back to 410 BCE. And the next time someone blames their crazy behavior on the fact that they're a Gemini, we can thank the Babylonians for that too. Because they also created the zodiac wheel, the one that we know today. Yeah, they created that around 700 BCE. What were they on to? Were they on drugs? What were they doing, you know?

The presence of astrology can be seen throughout ancient cultures. I'm talking Chinese, the Mayans, and the Polynesians, to name a few. It's also thought that Stonehenge in England was a stone circle used to follow the sun and the moon. And astrology wasn't just some, like, frivolous pastime. It was used to create calendars as a form of navigation to predict seasons and the weather. The information gathered helped with everything from planting and harvesting crops to migration and travel. In other words, astrology was sometimes the very key to survival. That's wild.

Well, in 331 BCE, Alexander the Great conquered the Babylonians, and the Greeks took over the development of astrology. They're credited with naming the planets and the 12 zodiac signs. In fact, the word zodiac itself comes from Greek. And no conversation about the Greeks and astrology would be complete without mentioning the Oracle of Delphi. Now, this is a slight detour from our conversation about astrology, but an important one because it's where we see the line between astrologers and psychics start to blur. Oracles were seers or what we know as psychics. Okay, they weren't necessarily astrologers, but both oracles and astrologers predict things. So they got that in common.

People came from everywhere to ask the Oracle for advice. Everything from like, hey, when should I plant my crops? Even down to like, hey, when should I declare war? Because it's like, you know, they go hand in hand. And some say the Oracle of Delphi was just like the telephone psychics we have today, or at least used to have. Our telephone psychics still thing, let me know down below. People gave the Oracle a little gold to ask a question, and the more gold they gave, the more info they got.

So the Oracle was a huge deal. But as Christianity spread and became more influential, the Oracle's popularity decreased. So let's fast forward to the 1500s. By this time, astrology has become pretty mainstream. Universities have astrology chairs. Royal courts keep astrologers on staff, and even Protestant leaders and the Pope are getting their charts read.

Wow. Astrology was so popular at this time that Paris had about 30,000 astrologers. That's just in one city. Perhaps the most famous astrologer and seer of the time was Michel du Notre Dame, better known as Nostradamus. Nostradamus was born in France,

in December of 1503. In addition to being an astrologer and a seer, Nostradamus, your name's going to be a little problem for me, isn't it? Well, he was a doctor. Back then, in order to get your medical degree, you needed to study astronomy slash astrology. I say astronomy slash astrology, because we think of astronomy as the study of things beyond the Earth's atmosphere, and astrology as interpreting how the stars and the planets impact us. But back then, they were considered to be pretty much the same thing. Nodi, like almost all astrologers at the time, was a doctor. And since astrologists believe that planets influence whether people were healthy or not, so medicine like should too, right? Anyways, Nostradamus or Noddy was a pretty well-respected dude. And astrology was a very

important part of his medical practice. Nodi also wrote a very successful almanac for the year 1550 and that got him a lot of play with the wealthy people about town. So his patients went to him for his advice and insights and not just medical issues. I mean there were people who questioned his abilities but for the most part he was seen as like an accomplished doctor and astrologer. He was such a big deal that even the Queen of France consulted him and had him due to charged for her kids. The queen was so impressed with him

that she gave Nodi a fancy title. I don't mean any disrespect. I just really can't say Nostradamus, you guys, okay? Thank you. Now it turns out all of his predictions were wrong, but luckily for Nodie, the queen, she didn't really know that, okay? He was like, and no one's gonna tell her, all right?

Nody may be best known for his book, Le Profete, which contains 942 poems that predict the future using astrology. The book is so popular that it's been in print almost consistently census death in 1566. A lot of people credit notie with predicting everything from the death of Henry II to the French Revolution to the rise of Hitler and even the 9-11 attacks. But a lot of academics and researchers say those claims are based on incorrect interpretations or just flat out inaccuracies. Now, around the same time that Nodi was born, there was another astrologer making a name for himself. Girl, bless my soul, his name is Nicholas Copernicus. Sounds about right. Copernicus

played a major role in advancing modern science. I'm laughing because these names, you guys, these names. He's known as the father of modern astronomy. Copernicus was born on February 19th, 1473, and what we now know as Poland. He was the fourth and final kid of a family. Nicholas, senior, and Barbara. Barbara. The most basic name ever. Barbara.

Oh, my God. That's funny. That's comedy right there, you guys. Her name's Barbara. Everyone else has these fucking, what names? But Barbara over. Okay, look, they were wealthy copper merchants, but dad died when Copernicus was, like, very young. And he was raised by his uncle on his mom's side.

So Copernicus was trained in law and medicine, but he was more interested in, like, math and the stars. His claim to fame was reimagining the solar system with the sun in the center, and his work led to advances by Galileo and Johannes Kepler. One might think that like all this reimagining of the sun and the earth and the moon, plus the refiguring of the movement of the planets might change people's view of astrology, but it really didn't. Astrologists just incorporated these changes into the worldview and just kept it going. Plus astrologers and astronomers were still considered to be one and the same. And Johannes Kepler, the person responsible for the three laws of planetary motion, would have agreed.

Bless my soul, this is gonna be a long episode with these names. Everyone needs a nickname. Johannes Kepler was born on December 27, 1571 in what we now call Germany. His dad was a mercenary and his mother, Katharina Kepler, was the daughter of an innkeeper and a supposed witch, as we all are,

but more on that later. So Johannes grew up, I guess, poor, but he was smart and got himself a scholarship to study theology. That's when he started learning about the theories of Copernicus. He was so enthralled by Copernicus's idea that he gave up theology for math and astronomy. Like I said earlier, Johannes went on to help popularize and evolve Copernicus's view on the solar system as well as other astronomical advances. Johannes was also an avid astrologer. In fact, he was the last major astronomer slash astrologer. He wrote multiple books to support his view that what happened

in the heavens had a direct impact on what happened on Earth. He was also a practicing astrologer and seer. Over 1,000 horoscopes he wrote still exists today. As a seer, Johans made numerous predictions. And if you're wondering, yes, many of them were actually like super spot on. He predicted an awful cold spell, a peasant uprising, and even the Turkish invasion. This brought him lots of notoriety, but not everyone with his abilities of psychics and astrologers were treated equally. Johan's own mother was put in jail for doing more or less the same exact things that earned him praise. Because in case you forgot, Johan's mother was considered to be a witch. Boo.

Anything we do, man. We're a witch, we're a slut, we're a whore. We just can't win. Well, let me tell you about Johan's mom. Her name was a Catherine. Yeah, she was born in Germany in 1546. She was raised by an aunt instead of her parents. It's believed that this aunt may have been where

Catherine learned witchcraft, since the aunt herself was burned at the stake for also being a witch. Catherine married Johann's dad and had four children. children. By all accounts, it was a pretty unhappy union, and things were just not good for the Kepler clan. Catherine made a living as what was then called a wise woman. In other words, she made herbal potions, spells, and charms. One might say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, except that Johan's had the prestige of a renowned university behind him, and Katharina had, I don't know, just a bad reputation.

You see, during this time, thousands of people were rounded up and accused of being witches. The accused were typically poor, outsiders, mentally ill, survivors of assault, or in some other way, just an easy target. And majority of them? Women, of course, especially single women or widows. Katharina was around 70 years old, and her husband had been out of the picture for quite some time, and by all accounts, she was just a rather feisty character. So it was no surprise that, you know, she was swept up in this witch hunt craze that was going on.

Catherine's case ended up going on for six years, which is unbelievable. Johan's worked tirelessly to defend his mother, which took a huge toll on him and his career, but he must have done a good job because she was was released from prison, the downside. Yeah, she was kicked out of town. Katharina died six months later, and then she was pretty much forgotten. Bummer.

Johan's, on the other hand, he died a few years after that in 1630, but even today, they're still name and shit after him, like telescopes and telescopes. Things began to shift in the 17th and 18th centuries. This period was known as the Age of Enlightenment. Ooh. and I guess astrology was seen as not so enlightened.

Anyway, science and logic were in. Superstition was out, and astrology was thought to fall into the superstition camp. And this is where astrology and astronomy part ways. They break up, they divorce. They were no longer considered the same thing. And whether deserved or not, astrology started getting a bum wrap.

The ideas of the Enlightenment were all the rage for a pretty long time, but by the 1800s, the focus started to shift from science back to superstition, you know? They're like, we miss that a little bit. Which really ends up setting the stage for what comes next. Spiritualism. Ah! Okay, so let's jump forward in time to the 19th century. March 31st, 1848, to be exact.

The birth of spiritualism. What's that, you ask? Well, spiritualism was a movement or religion that believed in talking to the dead. This was largely done through mediums, who are essentially experts at talking to the dead. Now, if some of you are thinking this is like a little, you know, woo-woo out there, let me tell you that by the end of the 1800s, it's estimated that 4 to 7 million people in the United States were a spiritualist. That's a lot of chit-chatting with the spirits. Spiritualism and astrology may seem unrelated, but go with me here for a second because the two of them, they tie together.

So the ideas behind spiritualism are believed to have evolved from two 18th century Europeans. So they weren't specifically psychics or astrologers, but their ideas led to a huge advancement in their popularity. So let me introduce you to them. Come on out, you guys. The first guy was an Austrian doctor named Franz Anton. mesmer? Franz put patients into a hypnotic state called mesmerized. As in mesmerizing? Yeah, that's right. The word mesmerizing comes from his name. Then he would rebalance their magnetic fluid. Oh yeah. You see, Franz theorized that there was this invisible fluid that connected everything in the

universe. And if it becomes imbalanced in the body, someone could get sick. This idea was originally known as animal gravitation. It later evolved to animal magnetism. So Franz is responsible for that term too. Meanwhile in Sweden, Emmanuel Swedenborg, a philosopher and mystic, was developing his theory about an afterlife with multiple levels, three heavens, three hells, and an interim level. You see, he thought we needed three heavens and three hells because all the souls in the universe needed to be accounted for, and there just wasn't enough room and, like, just one. Okay? We got to have three. As for the interim level, the world of the spirits was where people went when they died, and it was pretty much like Earth. So it's like limbo. Great. So what do Emmanuel's and Fran's idea

have to do with psychics or astrology, right? Well, a 19th century American seer named Andrew Jackson Davis. Gotcha. Andrew Jackson Davis combined their ideas and create created a little something called spiritualism. Andrew claimed that Emmanuel spoke to him from beyond while he was mesmerized and he wrote these conversations down and published them in 1847. Later he claimed, quote,

spirits commune with one another while one is in the body and the other is in the higher spheres. And on March 31st, 1848, the day Andrew said his theory was proven, spiritualism burst onto the scene. So let me introduce you to two sisters best embody early spiritualism.

14-year-old Margueretta and 11-year-old Catherine Fox. Now, Margueretta was known as Maggie and Catherine was known as Kate. Great names that are easy, we love that. And the pair became known as the Fox sisters. Even better, easier to pronounce. Maggie and Kate were the daughters of John D. Fox and Margaret Fox. John was a blacksmith and Margaret was a superstitious housewife. And I guess like John and Margaret decided.

to relocate from Rochester to Hidesville, New York. And this new house had a very unique quality. You see, there was nightly knocking on the walls and furniture. Some say these sounds were the spirit of a murdered peddler who'd been buried in the cellar. Others say it was the precocious fox sister playing tricks on their gullible mother.

I guess Maggie and Kate had successfully convinced their mom that the sounds were actually, otherworldly. People found out about this alleged haunting and started to swarm the house to see it for themselves. For the girl's safety, the family left. Maggie and Kate were sent back to Rochester where their older sister Leah lived. This decision would change the course of history because it was in Rochester that Maggie and Kate's alleged ability to communicate with the dead went big time. So a story started floating around Rochester that Maggie and Kate were in touch with a man who'd been murdered five years earlier,

and they wanted a demo of their own. The people of Rochester, I mean, they wanted proof. So there were prominent community members whose daughter had recently died, and everybody thought, like, oh, this is the perfect opportunity for the Fox sisters to show off their medium powers, right? So this couple rented the biggest hall in Rochester,

invited 400 guests, and, like, let the sisters do their thing. Now, everyone in the hall that night agreed, that they heard sounds they believed to be from the other side. But, I mean, they were still skeptical. After the performance, as we're going to call it, the sisters were stripped and searched to prove they weren't using any tricks

to convince people that they were communicating with the dead. They didn't find anything. I don't know what they're looking for. What are they going to find? Exactly. They didn't find anything. And enough people, I guess, were convinced. Regardless of what you believe, the history book showed that the sisters became quite the phenomenon.

The Fox sisters, including Leah, who had picked up the family gift, I guess, hit the road. They were performing seances and spreading the gospel of spiritualism. They became very famous, very quickly. And one of their most famous supporters was Mary Todd Lincoln, who had recently lost a son to typhoid fever. When she heard about the Fox sisters, she immediately began holding seances at the White House. Ooh, spooky. The sisters were totally pop culture,

sort of the seers of their day. With their names splashed all over the headlines, people were coming from far and wide just to get close to these freaking incredible ass sisters. They want to see the shit. But of course, there's always gonna be naysayers, right? One of the sisters' biggest skeptics was a man, of course it was a man, named Alicia Kent Kane,

who ironically was, was also one of Maggie's biggest admirers. What a weirdo. In 1856, Leisha convinced Maggie to give up her spiritualist ways and he was like, hey, you should become a Catholic so we can get married. Unfortunately, Alicia died not long after the marriage. Rough. I guess she hadn't gotten around to his request to become a Catholic before he died, but she went through with it after he passed, which is honestly very sweet of her. But kind of weird. because Alicia himself was a Presbyterian. Yeah, plot twist.

Anyway, even though her husband was gone now, Maggie still kept her distance from spiritualism. And instead, she turned to the bottle and started drinking. A lot. Kate, on the other hand, married a spiritualist and really started to fine-tune her skills. You could even say that in the world of spiritualism, Kate was a trailblazer.

It said she could transcribe messages backwards and talk to one spirit while writing down a message from another. She could also hold up a blank card and have words from a spirit miraculously appear. What? Yeah. One of these card spirits was supposedly Ben Franklin. Yeah, he popped in.

The popularity of spiritualism continued to soar with the help of the Civil War. I mean, so many people had lost their loved ones and spiritualism offered the possibility of contacting them. By this point, okay, so originally to talk to the ghosts, they would kind of like tap and make noises and stuff. Well, Kate, she graduated from that shit. She was like, okay, that's lame. Now she was like, I don't know, conjuring fully formed ghosts right on stage.

In other words, she upped her performance. I shouldn't say performance because what if it is real? I don't know. Spiritualism became so popular. It spread all the way to the UK. And no real surprise here, Kate and Leah took the U.K. by storm. But the pressure got to Kate, right? And like her sister, she turned to the little boo-ski.

Alcohol. A bottle. Meanwhile, Leah, she was thriving. She worked the money and opportunity to her advantage, and she landed herself a place in high society. She also landed herself a husband, a Wall Street banker. She made out. Good for her.

By this time, spiritualism was so widely popular that no one in those high society circles were phased. Honestly, it seemed like Leah was unstoppable. But things did come to a head on October 21st, 1888, when New York World, a popular newspaper, published a very scandalous interview with her sister, Maggie. Apparently Maggie was pissed at Leah and other big-time spiritualists because, I don't know, they had like publicly accused Kate of being an unfit mother and called her out on her drinking. So to get revenge, Maggie accused Leah

of having exploited her younger sisters. But she really crossed the line when she called spiritualism a fraud and revealed the tactics she and Kate had employed to fool everyone. God damn it, girl, you rat. Maggie recanted a year later, but her and Kate's reputations were already ruined.

as was her relationship with her sister Leah. Leah died two years later in 1890 and Kate succumbed to alcoholism on July 1st, 1892, and then Maggie, she died eight months later. Dang, boom, boom, boom. But spiritualism didn't die with the Fox sisters. It continued to thrive. In fact, prominent figures like the Nobel Prize winning author,

William Butler Yates, and visionary psychologist Carl Young used aspects of it in their work. Part of the legacy of spiritualism may be that horoscopes began to appear in newspapers regularly and fortune tellers became more prominent. But the age of spiritualism may also be

why astrology and psychics have become synonymous with frauds. Because of the Fox sisters and others like them, many people were hell-bent on disproving them. And for one man, it became an obsession. Now, there was one man so determined to prove spiritualism was fake that many believed it played a part in his own demise. So enter to the scene, Eric Weiss, but the world knows him better as a Harry Houdini. Maybe you heard of him?

The world famous magician? Hello? Yeah. Harry was born on March 24th, 1874 in Budapest, Hungary. He and his family moved to Appleton, Wisconsin. When Harry was four, Harry's father was a rabbi who dabbled in soap making, but his mom is much more important for the purpose of this story. You see, like Johan's Kepler, Harry was a bit of a mama's boy,

and when his mommy died of a stroke on July 17, 1913, it sent the poor guy and she just a tailspin. Rumor has it. He even consulted mediums and partook in seances. in order to try to communicate with her, but I guess they all failed. So this may have been what ignited his crusade to not just debunk psychics and mediums, but to actually criminalize them. We're not really 100% sure why Houdini was so hell-bent on destroying spiritualism,

but what we do know for sure is that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, who wrote the Sherlock Home series, had a very public disagreement with Houdini on the subject of communicating with the dead. Arthur and Houdini, I guess they were buds, despite the fact that Arthur was a spiritualist. But their friendship hit the skids when Arthur's wife claimed to have communicated with Houdini's mom.

Now, Houdini accused Arthur's wife of lying because the message she relied was in English. Houdini's mom spoke five languages, but none of them were English. So Arthur countered that mediums received messages in the languages that they understand, and Houdini was like, mm-mm, mm-mm, nope, that's not true, nope. So I guess, like, things got ugly fast.

While Arthur tried to promote spiritualism, Houdini dedicated himself to taking it and Arthur down. I'm sure there's more to the story. I bet you, Houdini tried to get with the wife, and the wife was like, I don't want you, and then he's probably like, yeah, fuck you then. He tried to destroy her. I'd bet money. Yeah, anyways.

And things got especially dirty in 1924. Arthur got the well-respected magazine Scientific American to sponsor a contest offering a cash price to anyone who could prove they were communicating with the spirit world under strict conditions. Scientific American was known for revealing hoaxes, which is probably why Arthur picked them. Well, there was one medium by the name of Marjorie Crandon who really impressed the room. People said if she was faking it, then she was a magician on the order of who does. Dini himself. Now, Houdini was actually a member of the jury for this contest, but he was still worried his influence wouldn't be enough to prove she was a fraud. In fact, he was so worried Scientific American would award her the prize, he wrote a 40-page treatise entitled,

Houdini exposes the tricks used by Bostom Medium Marjorie to dissuade them. Could you imagine if he put this much effort into something productive? Wow. That'd be cool. So Houdini got his way, and Marjorie didn't get the price. It's funny because, like, geez, what are we doing? You know, but that wasn't enough for him. He wanted more. For the next few years, Houdini added a bit to his act devoted to disproving Marjorie

and even made a pamphlet he gave to audiences revealing how she did all of her tricks. Total dick move. But Marjorie wasn't the only one Houdini went after. The man was on a mission to discredit freaking everybody. Houdini, though, was, like, also all about tricks. It just doesn't make sense, Houdini. Houdini went after hundreds of spiritualists over the course of 35 years,

and he even testified before a congressional subcommittee in 1926 about the evils of psychics, astrologers, and mediums, employing members to pass legislation, criminalizing them. Houdini, you are so too-faced, you little bitch. He's over here doing tricks. tricks and magic, and he's calling these people, no, Mm-mm, Houdini, no, no, thank you. During these hearings, Houdini openly called Arthur,

one of the greatest dupes. And that's maybe one of the nicer things, he said during the four days of testimony. Always the performer, Houdini began his testimony by presenting a sealed telegram. Now he asked one of the hundreds of psychics and astrologers present to tell him, what was written in the telegram.

Everyone remained silent, except for Illinois Congressman Frank Reed, who accurately predicted what was inside, even though he was there as a representative and not a psychic. Houdini dismissed Frank's answer as a guess. He's like, no, no, shh, you, shut up. He told Frank, I'm not talking to you, bud, okay?

But Frank said, dude, I've got the gift. Okay? And things got even more tense from here. For four days straight, there was fighting and sensational headlines. Houdini, who was always a performer first, even used props in his takedowns, including a 50-foot long scroll. There were breaks in the hearings meant to restore order, but they just led to fights in the hallway. In the end, most people sided with the psychics and astrologers who thought Houdini was just

being freaking over-traumatic, okay? One congressman even said, quote, I believe in Santa Claus and I believe in fairies, but Houdini is taking the matter entirely just too seriously, end quote. So yeah, Houdini ended up looking kind of foolish. Even though Houdini failed in his attempt to have fortune-telling banned, the image of spiritualism had been severely tarnished. Just six months after testifying before Congress, Houdini died. His death was predicted by one of of the woman he testified against during the congressional hearings. Talk about...

Is that ironic? Yeah. Sorry, that's funny. That's actually really funny. Ironic. Mm-hmm. In fact, there is a rumor that psychics had a hand in Houdini's death, which I don't know if that's true or not, but the timing, you know, it's a little, it's a little suspicious.

Some believe his hate towards mediums was just about not being able to communicate with his mother, remember? Just a thought, maybe psychics and astrologers didn't stand up to Houdini's testing because the way they work is fundamentally different to his approach and view of the world. Just because he didn't understand, it doesn't mean it's not understandable.

Whether or not you agree with Houdini and the others who tried to defame psychics and astrologers, there were still like a lot of believers, and can't they just have something nice? President Coolidge, for one, was said to have seances in the White House. In addition to Mary Todd from earlier, First Ladies, Edith Wilson and Nancy Reagan consulted psychics too.

I heard Nancy Reagan had like a psychic on payroll. That's pretty cool. Well, it turns out three years after Houdini's suspicious demise, some research did emerge. Studies showed that astrologers may have been right about a person's health being impacted by when they were born. Allegedly, when we're born can determine the likelihood we'll have certain diseases and disorders like schizophrenia, multiple sclerosis, sleep disorders, type 1 diabetes, bipolar disorder, and allergies.

I mean, you're probably thinking, that doesn't sound real. That's not real. It just sounds like some bad science from like the olden days. Well, over 200 studies since then have reiterated. these findings of shit, including one from 2003 that included over 86 million births from 27 different parts of the world. Some doctors like to shrug this off as just like, I don't know, seasonal effective disorder, but isn't that like what astrologers have been saying all long? Hurry up, look up November. What am I going to die of? Environmental factors, including

things beyond our own knowing and understanding, impact our lives. So maybe. This is why astrology and psychics didn't go away altogether. It continued to be seen in like really high places. I mean, Hitler loved it. He's like, yeah, bring it on. Despite its ups and downs, astrology continued to be seen in some very high places. That's when we were going to bring in none other than Mr. Adolf Hitler himself. Yep.

I guess he consulted. I don't guess. We know he consulted the most famous astrologer of the time. Eric Jan Hanousen, I tried with that one. Numerous times between 1932 and 1933, he was consulting. Perhaps not surprisingly, Eric predicted success for Adolf. Yikes. I mean, you know, if you were psychic, would you tell Hitler things weren't going to end well for him?

Fun fact, Eric was Jewish. Not so fun fact, Adolf had him killed when he found out, that's fucked up. Well, I mean, he was a pretty fucked up guy. Psychics and astrologers continue to have their highs and lows over the years. In the 60s and 70s, the new age movement brought them back in the spotlight for a bit. President Carter even ordered the CIA to assess psychic abilities. And in the 80s, the Pentagon spent major cash exploring the paranormal.

That's cool. Then in the 90s, TV psychics became huge, big. I mean, woo! Yep. And perhaps the most infamous one was Yori Del Harris, aka Miss Cleo. Oh, Miss Cleo. Yeah, remember? Mm-hmm. We all, you remember. In the 90s, she had a massive, famous psychic hotline and the psychic readers network. But honestly, she was a cultural phenomenon for a while.

Despite the numerous accusations, Yori maintained that she was a voodoo priestess up until her death. Another media darling who fell hard in the 90s was TV psychic Sylvia Brown. Did you ever watch Montel Williams? Remember that show? Well, she was like a regular on that show. I loved when she came on.

Yeah. I guess her predictions were rarely accurate, but I don't care, I still watched. Many people accused her of adding to their suffering. Perhaps most famously, she told a woman whose daughter was missing that her daughter was dead, but I guess the woman's daughter was later rescued. That's a good thing to be wrong about. Yeah, on the bright side.

So all of this feeds into that stereotype that psychics and astrologers are schemers and frauds. Just because one person got it wrong, we can't discredit everybody. Okay? Maybe part of the problem is legitimizing psychics in astrology is that the biggest flops seem to be like the most famous ones. Maybe many mediums and psychics, especially like the most gifted ones, would rather stay anonymous.

Because if psychics and astrologers are all a bunch of frauds, why are they regularly consulted by law enforcement? Why are they even still around if they're still just frauds? I mean, they've been around forever. There's got to be something there, right? Oh, but circling back to that,

yeah, the United States Department of Justice itself wrote a report saying, psychics have long been and will undoubtedly continue to be involved in unsolved criminal investigations. In the report, they acknowledged that a New Jersey resident, Dorothy Allison, has helped police in thousands of cases. A CIA study revealed that eight out of 11 officers interviewed said information from psychics was helpful, and three of those psychics helped officers find missing bodies. Whoa.

Even two of the officers who said the psychics weren't helpful, acknowledged that the information provided by them was accurate. Why are predictions about things like the economy and elections considered science and forecast by psychics or astrologers considered pseudoscience? Is one better than the other? Or do both just fill a desire to believe we can know and control the future? If anything, I think it just helps people. like, it helps alleviate anxiety.

The unknown is really scary. We just want someone to tell us it's going to be okay. That's really all we want. I just found out I'm going to die of a disease, so I'm booked. Don't look up what you're going to die of. It's going to ruin your day. Okay, well, despite all of that, belief in astrology and psychics is once again on the rise. The thing is, non-believers keep holding psychics and astrology up to, like, the same standard as other sciences.

And maybe the reality is that it's much harder to teach and much harder to do. Maybe you're just not special and you're mad. I'd be curious to see what we'd learn if we invested the same resources into psychics and astrology as I don't know, traditional sciences. Maybe psychics and astrology would be more accepted. Shit, maybe we could get stuff done, I don't know.

And it seems that all this doubting is a Western thing anyway. Indian families consult astrologers before making major life decisions. Kaoshin practitioners from the Chinese tradition are known to predict the future. Never mind the millions of us who go to psychics, energy workers, and astrologers every day. Followers of astrology believe that these stars and the planets influence people and events on Earth, and we accept that the moon has a very real effect on the tides, and that gravity has a very real effect on everything.

A psychic's intuition, a fortune teller's predictions, or an astrologer's insights, Eh, I mean, they're not much different than a cop's hunch. So why is it so controversial for so many people to accept astrology? Do we believe in it or don't we? Should we be laughing at it or should we be like, hmm, I don't know, maybe there's something there? If anything else, astrology, it seems to be giving people a lot of peace of mind, clarity. I don't know. The future can be so scary.

Just let people have their peace. If you believe it or not. Right? I don't know. What's the harm in that? Shit. Let people live, God damn it. Woo!

That was a ride, Joan. Did you see that? I fucking stumbled, tumbled, and... What's another word? Rumbled. Fuck. That was a challenge. Well, everyone, thank you for learning with me today.

Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. Now I'd love to hear your reactions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history so I can follow along. And join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And also catch my murder mystery and makeup, which drops on Mondays. I hope you have a great day today. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye. Wow. I know. Imagine being one of those on-call psychics for Nancy Reagan. No pressure, you know? And who knew so many people in the White House believed in the

mystical powers of the seance? Now, this reminded me of a man who was considered very mystical, very magical, very girthy. But to some people, he was Satan himself. Enter Rasputin. I know, we all love Anastasia. Great movie. Love that. But listen, the movie actually was kind of accurate. it. Rasputin wormed his way into the Romanov royal family. He dodged death and assassination attempts. And the only logical explanation was that this guy was Satan. And honestly, the eyes, the beard, the alleged smell, the whole creepy vibe did not help his case. But he was like a ladies man too. Listen, let's talk about it. Rasputin, bring it on, baby. Turns out, my favorite cartoon villain was based on a man who was actually way creepier than the cartoon itself.

He was one of the most mysterious men to ever roam the streets of Russia. I mean, there were even rumors that this guy could communicate telepathically with animals, even that he had magical healing powers, and that he couldn't be killed. Some even say he's responsible for the collapse of the Russian monarchy. Give it up. For Rasputin, that song you're all dancing to you on TikTok. Paul, you look just like him, you scary ass bitch. Rasputin.

I know, I know. I didn't even know this guy was real either. I thought it was just a cartoon. And then a little funky dance on TikTok. Nay, nay. Now, if you know me, if you know anything I like me, you know that I love, I'm really interested in Russian history. and most of all, Russian literature.

I know. Who am I? I don't know, you guys. The end. Thank you for coming to this episode. I'm kidding. But after our Stalin episode, you guys, I read the comments and you were thirsty. You were thirsty. Dehydrated. Wanting more Russian Revolution tea. And since one of my favorite movies as a child was Anastasia, I was really curious about the real Rasputin.

You know, the man with the bulls. beard and also the talking bat. I wanted to know more. Maybe they had that in Russia. I don't know. I need to find out. And look, if you're like me, maybe you thought, okay, it's a cartoon. They're exaggerating. It wasn't like this, right? In the cartoon, he had that bat who sang, he had some ghosts. He would keep in the little test tube. Weird. But I'm going to tell you, the real story is even more weird. History is just like the gift that keeps on giving because You're in for a show. Today's episode is good.

Okay, look, I may have to be annoying and take this off, but my head is just pounding. Thank you for understanding. Now that's the story. So, let's start here. Close your eyes and place yourself in late 1800s, Russia. Specifically, Siberia. Okay? First of all, you're coldest thunk.

Siberia is part of Russia, if you didn't know, and is one of the most remote places in world. At the time, it had just been miles and miles of barren land. For a long time, there were no connecting roads to other countries. So unless you live there, nobody was passing through Siberia just for fun seas. Except for the wind. Because of all that, Siberia was considered a dumping ground for anything Russia didn't want to deal with. As a refresher from our Stalin episode. You'll remember Stalin himself was sentenced to exile in Siberia, like one too many times, expecting him to die, but that beast somehow powered through. Well, that's what the Russian government would do with anyone that they considered a dangerous leader, a religious extremist,

or anyone they didn't think was good for society. Siberia was essentially the Russian Wild West, the perfect place for an evil origin story. Grigory Rasputin was born in western Siberia on January 21, 1869, in the dead of winter. But we're just going to call him Rasputin because he's an Aquarius. So his parents, just like most of Russia at the time, were humble farmers and considered peasants. They never got the opportunity to go to school or learn to read. Their life was essentially to work, go to church, and like reproduce. Like other peasants, they struggled to survive in Siberia.

As a child, Rasputin was known as a troublemaker. I mean, he was always getting to some kind of trouble with authorities for stealing and causing trouble with other kids in his village. He was just another rascal. Until one day, poor little eight-year-old Rasputin caught pneumonia. First of all, why did they put that pee in front of pneumonia? Does anybody know? No. Okay. And honestly, it was touching go for a while, like his family didn't know if he was even going to survive. Whoops. Not whoops, but like sad.

Rasputin was really out of it and seemed to be having these really intense fever dreams. I mean, there's, shit, you know, there's nothing weirder than like those night quill dreams. Zizi quill. What was that about? How was that legal? I don't know. When Rasputin's fever finally broke and he woke up, girl, he looked like he saw some shit. He needed sunglasses.

Aesap. Eyes definitely saw some shit. He described to the townspeople that these visions he was getting were super intense and they were from the Virgin Mary. Virgin Mary. He believed these visions meant he was given like some kind of special power. So everything Rasputin did from this moment on was defined by this encounter with the Virgin Mary. And Rasputin was also said to be getting visions from the Virgin Mary, like all of the time. She would not shut up. She was always talking to him.

And then he would share these visions with people in his village. And apparently, even as a kid, Rasputin had this freaky ability to calm down wild horses with just a single look or touch. It was like magic. It's funny when we say that only because, I'm laughing because, like, my dad called me last night

to talk about sea biscuit. And I just thought of this. I don't know. He told me Seabiscuit was a really good movie and that I needed to watch it. This is the second time he's done this. Back to Rasputin and Wild Horses. Sorry. And Rasputin was also said to have something called the second sight, which essentially means he was able to see the future. He was apparently able to predict the weather, see wars that were coming, and even foresee the deaths of some people he encountered. Yeah, that's so raven of him. Now, because all of this, Rasputin had a reputation growing up.

Some people thought like he was holy and had a divine gift. Other people thought he had the devil inside of him. It was one or the other. For example, Rasputin's parents were terrified of his gifts, which is enough to really screw up your kid, you know, but spooky. And look, most of Rasputon's childhood and early adulthood are described as a, quote, black hole when it comes to the facts. A lot of these stories are said to be rumors,

while others are said to be absolutely 100% true. But it's like they can't all be true, right? And Rasputin was so mysterious that it's hard to find records of this time in his life. So these are like the most popular story surrounding him. He was always drinking, stealing horses, and causing chaos within the village. I mean, he was always in trouble with the law at some point.

By the time he was 15, Rasputin had already been to jail several times, I know. teenagers, and he was said to have just a rude attitude about him. Like, he felt better than anyone else, and, like, you know, the laws didn't apply to him. He's got the Virgin Mary on his side. Laws don't apply. But then something happened that, like, changed Rasputin forever. See, as a young man into his teenage years, Rasputin suffered from bedwetting.

And it was really ruining his life. Well, one day, he praised. to make this problem go away. He's like, please, Dutchie, I'll do anything. And guess what? The Lord hears him. And his whole life is about to change. Okay, so bedwetting, he's praying to the Lord.

After praying and praying, one day it stops out of the blue. Boof. Well, yeah, because he grows up. Usually once they hit puberty, that's when the bed wedding stops. Has something to do with the hormones. But look, this turns his whole, whole life around because no longer is he a bedwetter. Thank God, right? Not being a bedwitter

completely changes his personality. Rasputin, the guy who loved to drink and get blacked out, suddenly, he was too good. He didn't want to drink or even touch wine or beer. He stopped sealing. Great. And then on top of that, he falls in love. In 1986, at the age of 18, Rasputin meets a woman named Roscovia. Roscovia was 21 years old, and the funniest part of all, at 21 years old, she was considered a spinster. Yeah, she was considered a spinster because she was like a peasant girl, and usually they're married off when they're teenagers. So the fact that she was a peasant girl and the fact that she was not married, spinster. Other than that, not much is known about her. But unlike Rasputin, she had a really good reputation.

She was known as kind, loyal, and submissive. And when she got the proposal from Rasputin, she was probably just happy to have the security of marriage. So the two of them get married and move in with his parents. Oh, fun. That's what you did back then, you know? He ended up having a shit ton of kids with Proscovia, but only three ended up living to adulthood.

So throughout his life, he continued having these visions, these mysterious powers. But his personal life was always such a hot mess. So when Rasputin is about 28 years old, at this point he's six foot, four inches tall, slender man with these huge broad shoulders. And according to historians, he was known for being extremely strong physically. I know, he sounds kind of hot. But then when you see a picture of him, you're like, oh my God, with the, no offense. It's just you were ugly.

Anyway, so he would have long, greasy hair that probably stunk. And I'm not being shady because he was, he did, look at a picture. You can smell him through the picture. And he was like most known for his piercing blue eyes. I guess they were known as being just really intense and many people believe that they, like he had some kind of hypnotic powers within these eyes. Something to keep in mind. But also when you look at the eyes, he looks like a psychopath.

Looks like he's going to murder you. At 28, Rasputin got in trouble once again for stealing from a neighbor. It must have been something so bad because he decided to essentially dip out of the village he was living in completely. He just like upped and abandoned his family for a while and he went on to have a little solo adventure, a little eat-pray-love moment for himself. According to his own writing, he was ready for change and he said, quote, I had many sorrow. too. Whatever mistake was made somewhere, I was blamed, although I was not involved. Workman mocked me. I plowed hard and slept little, and I kept asking my heart how to find some way to be saved. So his first stop is a monastery that's not too far from where he was living, and

there he sees some very intense and very structured religious life, and this really appeals to Rasputin. He loves this intense lifestyle, you know, the obsessive devotion to something. So Rasputin decides to really commit to the holy life in the Orthodox Church of this monastery for several months. And he becomes obsessed. He loves the rituals. He loves a commitment. He's like, here for it. He's like, yes, I'm living.

I'm laughing. I'm loving. He really just loves testing himself. And while he's there, he learns how to read and write, which is major for him. He even seemed to thrive when there's a schedule in place. He also meets a lot of interesting people known as wanderers. These are people of different religious. beliefs who wander Russia looking for spiritual meaning, sleeping on the ground, avoiding any kind

of attachment to physical things. It's very Buddhist. Around this time, Rasputin is ready for a change again. And this is when he meets a man named Makari. Makari was just like Rasputin. He came from an impoverished village. He was a peasant. Plus word on the street was that he was a spiritual advisor to the Russian royals at the time. Yeah. So he's kind of like a big deal. But most importantly, he was an example of someone who decided to do something big with his life. So he doesn't end up like everyone else. So Rasputin learns a lot from Makari. He becomes a student of his for a while, but he was starting to get like real sick of those monks he was living with. I guess they were annoying. Remember, Rasputin like really hated authority and being told what to do. So as much as he

loved the whole vibe. He wasn't going to be bossed around by anyone. It was time for him to be the boss. So it's at this point that Rasputin decides to become one of those wanderers and just do his own thing. So he sort of just like wanders or like walks all around Russia, just like testing his limits, living off the land, sleeping on the ground, and learning from God. And Rasputin didn't have any money or anything. He didn't have like a trust fund to fall back on. He was literally just to nobody. And wanders like Rasputin would just depend on the charity of churches and monasteries they passed. In any other wanders, they came across on his journey. It's even been said that his trips took him as far as Greece, which is almost like 4,000 miles away. I mean, what's he doing? Why's he

walking 4,000 miles? But the whole point of this journey for Rasputin, at least, was just to test himself. It was said that Rasputin would purposely not bathe for months at a time. He would starve himself, basically only eating enough to stay alive, essentially figuring out the limits of his physical body, believing that the struggle of it all was bringing him closer to God. I mean, he got pretty extreme. He shackled metal chains to his ankles, you know, so they could act like ankle weights, and plus it would make it really, really hard to walk. But he must have had some sick calves, right? That's what I thought. Okay, so there's also this wild story out there about something that happened on his journey.

So I guess he would stand in marshes, you know, like those wet, grassy, almost swamp-like areas. And he would just stand there and he would stretch out his bare arms. He would do this, I guess, to let the mosquitoes go to town on him and just bite him up, just drinking up his blood for like hours and hours.

Rasputin would also test himself sexually. He would, would do this by quote, not touching his body for months at a time. Hmm, okay, sure, buddy. There was a period of time on his journey where he was basically refusing himself every pleasure or nice thing you could think of. He wore some rag-like clothing for years. He was just on a journey for the truth, just trying to find himself, I guess, like a gap year on a really low budget. By now, Rasputin is, we could say a pretty centric guy. but he's about to take it up a notch.

Because this is when he meets the Clisties. Oh. Now, if you had any type of unusual religion or were any kind of social rebel, you were cast out into Siberia, remember? And you would usually come across people like Rasputin, who were, like, on their own wandering journey. But the Clisties, girl, they were different.

First of all, the Clisties were known as an antips. anti-church religious sect, they were actually considered outlaws of the Orthodox Church. And instead of meeting at like a church, they would meet in underground crypts. I'm fucking hard. And they didn't believe in having priests. Instead, they had self-appointed leaders, and they had their very own type of religion. A shall we say, interesting take on Orthodox religion. It honestly gives more cults, but I don't know if cult was invented yet, so maybe they

were the ones who actually invented cults. This might be the first cult, I don't know. Ecclisties were known for absolutely wild gatherings. It was not your typical youth group, mm-mm, you know. Eclisties would pray for hours and hours, and then they would start to dance around and kind of hype themselves up, get real Tammy Faye Baker with it,

and then things would like just take a turn. They would start turning in circles over and over and over again until they got so dizzy, they would fall over. And they would repeat this again and again because it would make them feel drunk. And this actually had a name. Doing this spinning act was called spiritual beer because they were drunk on the Holy Spirit. Mm-hmm. Praise God. And then the real fun would start. So after you've done the praying and the dancing spiritual beer exercise, that's when it was time for the orgy. Of course.

Duh. Apparently, the members of this church would rip off their clothes and just start going to town on each other in that crypt. Hot, but it must have been so stinky because these people did not have shower. They would do this on purpose because to them, committing a carnal sin, like a huge-ass orgy, would be such a bad sin that the repentance process would be really intense. And repenting that hard would bring you closer to God. They're like, I'm only doing this for God. Don't judge me.

The practice was called sinning to drive out sin. Like extreme sin would make you extremely close to God. So Rasputin probably loved this concept because it was like truly embodied who he was. It was naughty. It was an anti-leadership. It broke all of the rules. Honestly, it was a feral behavior. But at the end of the day, you were still like a godly person afterwards.

So he made this as court. doctrine. It's believed that for the next two or three years, while Rasputin was on this wandering journey, he was practicing with the Clistides a lot. I guess like all those orgies, they just weren't doing it for him. And at some point, Rasputin missed home. So he decided to pack up his things and head back to his village, see his loving wife and children. Because, yeah, he was still married. She didn't need to know what he was up to, though, you know? So when he got back to the village. Everyone had noticed that something was different. Like, he was not the same Rasputin that left. There was an intense darkness that was surrounding him. And rumors that he had

fallen in with the Clisties had reached his village. So people were talking. Everyone thought of the Clisties as, like, a dark, anti-church cult that was very into pagan rituals. And honestly, they weren't really wrong. His own daughter, Maria, he grew up and wrote about his involvement with the Clisties changed her father forever. She said that he definitely attended several ceremonies of theirs, and he was even caught preaching their doctrines a few times. Oh shit. And she wrote it all in a book, not just one, but three different books. Just a little FYI, my birthday is in November, which is coming up here really soon, and I wouldn't mind those three books. If you want to give me something, just let me not. Anyway, at this point, Rasputin, you know, he was really ready for his

cult leader era. I mean, he had been preparing his whole life for this moment. And he had what every cult leader needs. A signature look. Oh, and a creepy cave. Even better. Ratsby over here, he dug his own chapel out from under the stables at his family home. Yeah, he wanted to create like a spooky little meeting place. It's like weird, but okay. It was described as a dark cave. Not much else to comment on. And this is where where people would come from far and wind to see the mystical man who they'd met on their travels. Mr. Rasputin.

The people in the village, they started talking, of course. They were like, what the hell is what was going on in that cave? Like, why is he building, he's the crazy neighbor. Why'd he build a cave? Now my property value's gonna go down because a little Tutie over here is building a cave, you know, like what the hell? That was Rasputin.

There were rumors of like weird rituals and seances flying around. and he was always seen surrounded by young women that he was allegedly having sex with. I mean, his old doctrine was based on an idea of sexual exhaustion. The more sexually exhausted you get, the closer to God. And it seemed like he was indeed taking that very seriously. And there are even stories out there that say,

just like the clisty gatherings, Rasputin would preach to the crowd in his cave and then have sex with the congregation. or an orgy, you could say. People you see here these wild animal sounds coming from that cave church. Those who were non-believers

of Rasputon's teachings just stayed away. You know, they were too scared. So basically Rasputans got like a good thing going, and he does this for years. Just f***es everybody, you know? Tracking strangers, starting himself a wacky reputation,

teaching people to be horny for God. Solid. But then, his visions, they're back. And this time, they're even more intense. They're happening more often, and the messages he's getting from the Virgin Mary are much clearer.

And this time, she's telling him, go to St. Petersburg. And he's like, what's in St. Petersburg? You know, and she's like, the Royals! Peace out, I'm the Virgin Mary. Rasputin is like, I'm going to be just like that guy, Macarie. I'm going to get the hell out of the village and get in with the Royals.

So in 1903, he packs his bags, and he leaves his family again and makes his way to the big city. And Russia at the time was the perfect environment for Rasputin because first, at this time, society was very sexually open, which is weird to think, right? There were ads in the paper for cures to STDs, and they put it all out there.

So Rasputin's sexual reputation probably wasn't even a huge deal. And most importantly, Russia at the time was very into the occult, especially the wealthy and powerful. They had way too much time and money on their hands. They just got into whatever they wanted, you know? In St. Petersburg, they were into something called spiritual mysticism.

Essentially, it means that you believe that some kind of higher power like God can take over a regular human's body and help them perform miracles. The Royals themselves definitely believed in this. They're like, yeah, that's for sure, legit. They loved some old-fashioned seances. Ooh, the Ouji board. Ouija board night, yay. And they were big believers in mystical healing powers.

Fun? Maybe. Now, Rasputin didn't just get to St. Petersburg and, like, walk straight into the palace. No. He spent months creating a mysterious and powerful reputation with the rich people of society. People believed Rasputin had some kind of mystical, unknown power to see into the future and heal people. He also just had a very dirty appearance in general. It was said like numerous times that he would have pieces of food stuck in his long beard,

a little flavor saver. And when he ate with the upper crust of society, he wasn't going to pretend to have manners. According to journalist Nina Martyrus, quote, he licked the spoon before using it to serve others, tore the bread and fish apart with his fingers, and wiped them on the tablecloth. End quote.

He didn't care. if he was eating on the finest of China around the richest of people. He was marching to the beat of his own drum. He's a free spirit. And let's be honest, he got off on being non-conformist. So I guess Rasputin was known for treating everyone the same, which is like, he doesn't sound that bad.

I mean, even to the point of it, like, being offensive, though, royal or a peasant, he would call you by your first name, you know, which is like kind of scary back then. Who's a daredevil? He didn't care about society ranks or, like, who had the most money or who was the most important. He was there to just fuck and, like, get in with the rich people, you know? Oh, no. And he was said to be very direct with people, just staring at them with those intense, spooky-ass-looking eyes, man.

He looks like, you know what I go on a roller coaster and, like, what? You know, the way we're talking about a respute in here makes him sound not that bad. Anyone else? Okay. He was also well known for his hot political takes. I mean, normally that could get you killed or banned from high society. But again, he didn't get a fuck. He was just a shock jock.

And the people couldn't get enough. I mean, he was said to have a long line of women wanting to be with him. I know. At first I was like, am I looking at the same picture of, And I looking at the Rasputin that everyone's talking about, because this man does not look. What? He's so gross-looking. I'm sorry, that's really rude.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I mean, his female fans would kiss his dirty, freshly-licked fingers at the dinner table. They would fight over, like, who would get to eat his leftovers? It's a lot. Pretty soon, people just stopped calling him Rasputin. They started calling him the saint. Now, just to paint the picture about what it was like in St. Petersburg at this time, let's talk about who's in power.

For hundreds and hundreds of years before Rasputin was even born, Russia had been ruled monarchy style by a czar. Now, this is essentially a king. And ever since 1613, the czar of Russia had come from, one family. That family is called the Romanov family. And the Romanovs were, they were it, bitch. They were the fucking shit. Like they were in charge of Russia, which is huge. I mean, the largest country in the world. Hello. And by the time Rasputin makes his way to the big city, they literally already been in power for 300 years. But little did everyone know that

One horny little shirt bag was about to rock their world and change every day. Was that a good setup? Okay, let me not double a little. So, it's the year 1894, and 26-year-old Nicholas II is on the Russian throne, being a czar, you know, just popping his pussy like, whatever. His wife, aka the Tsarina, is a German princess named Alexandra. Fun fact, she's also, she's actually Queen Victoria's granddaughter. Yeah, I know, small world is fucking creepy. Everything's in bread. Anyway, Nicholas and Alexandra, they start to feel some pressure

because they have four daughters, but no sons. This is not a good luck at all, because at this time, the only way to ensure the Romanov legacy would continue was to have an official heir, a son. Because girls ain't shit, they don't count. Get out of here. I guess every time Alexandra got pregnant, this would be like, yes, this is it.

I feel like this one's got to be a boy. It's going to have a penis. And then like, whoops, it wasn't. And apparently every time Alexandra had a daughter, her anxiety was just getting worse and worse. She ends up seeking medical help. because she just can't, like, handle the pressure that is on her and her husband. It's too much.

But finally, on August 12, 1904, Nicholas and Alexandra have a son, Alexei Romanov. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I know, I know. That's not the right song, but this is the only one I know. So, Zarina Alexandra gives birth to a boy. The crowd is going wild. Everyone's relieved. Thank God.

Russia had a guaranteed legacy at this point. But then, the Tsar and Zarina discovered that their son, Alexei, had a rare condition called hemophilia, which means that his blood couldn't clot. So basically, if you get a paper cut, you could bleed out. And, like, not a great thing, right, for anyone to have, but especially not for the prince of Russia. Who everyone is counting on to lead the fucking country one day? Hello?

Oh. Now Alexandra in particular was devastated because it turns out this condition came from her side of the family. So everyone's like, mm-hmm. It also killed her uncle, her nephew, and even her own brother. So shit, it doesn't really sound that promising for him. And she really felt like this condition was a death sentence for her son. I mean, it pretty much was. Nicholas and Alexandra privately consult with doctors to see what they can do. But none of them can do anything to help baby Alexi. this point the family wants some privacy from the public. So they end up like picking up and moving to the country. So random. But they like want to keep their baby Alexei out of the spotlight. Alexandra is worried. She's super worried about him and it reaches to the point where

she stops trusting medical professionals because honestly they can't they they can't do anything. They can't fix them. So this is when she leans more into seeking a spiritual relationship. Or maybe even like spiritual guidance from somebody. So Nicholas and Alexandra start summoning healers to the palace to see what they can do for maybe Alexei. And they're going through all these different people. And then eventually, guess what? The final one that they have to go through is Rasputin.

Rasputin is first introduced to the Russian court by members of the church and the upper class. Like these people wanted the Tsar to have some advisors who were down to earth holy men. Salt to the Earth types, you know? Because of Rasputin's background, he was perfect for this. On November 1st, 1905, there's all this talk about a Russian revolution in the air. And the royals are getting pretty nervous that they're going to probably, like, lose their power. So Rasputin is summoned to the royal palace for a casual three-hour-long chat with the Tsar and the Tsarina of Russia. Oh, and this was, like, his big break moment.

Oh, yeah. Nicholas even wrote about it in his diary. He said, quote, Tuesday, a cold, windy day. The water has frozen in patches from the shore to the end of our canal. Was occupied all morning. Went for a walk. We made the acquaintance of a man named Gregory.

End quote. I'm imagining that's how he talks. If he talked in English. I mean, can we take a second to acknowledge how insaneness is? I mean, in the course of a year, Rasputin, went from the absolute bottom of society, traveling around Russia barefoot, wearing the same shirt for a year at a time, sleeping on the ground, to giving advice to the king and queen of Russia.

It's kind of motivational, huh? We don't know exactly what Rasputin and Tsar Nicholas talked about for those three hours when they first met. But one thing about Rasputin, it was said that he was able to read people extremely well. He had this incredible intuition to understand the person he was not. talking to within minutes of meeting them. And he was able to emotionally manipulate them with like barely any effort. But people lay they didn't see this. They interpreted his charms as him being psychic, or as they would say mystical. So after this meeting with the czar, he told a friend of

his name Fiophon how it went. And according to Feofun, Resputin told him that the czarina Alexandra had, quote, fallen under his influence that very first evening, end quote. But it would take longer to win over the czar. Rasputin knew he had a once-in-lifetime opportunity to get in with the royal family. So four days after meeting them, Rasputin sent Nicholas letter, which is like super polite, right? Great Emperor Tsar and autocrat of all Russia. Greetings to you. Rasputin goes on to give the Tsar some advice, saying, quote,

May God give you sage advice. All of Russia worries. She has descended into a terrible argument. She trembles in joy and rings her bells calling for God. Now, this is wow, because it shows, like, right away, after only meeting the Tsar once, Rasputin felt comfortable giving him advice about how to run the country and telling him about, like, what Russia wanted from him. Now, obviously, they couldn't tell Rasputin about their son's condition right way.

I mean, the secret of Alexei's condition was a matter of national security. It was top secret, because as one Russian scholar said, quote, Alexei was routinely on the brink of death, as even minor bruises could result in unstoppable blood loss and hemorrhaging, end quote. Ooh, that's scary. Nicholas and his advisors believe that if Alexei's hemophilia became public knowledge, it could destabilize the whole country. Like, people would realize just how fragile the monarchy was.

And the whole thing could probably crumble, and they don't want that. What we do know is that at some point, Nicholas and Alexandra let Rasputin in on their secret. And to everyone's surprise, Rasputin did what the best doctors in Russia couldn't do. He stopped Alexei's bleeding. You might be wondering, wait a second, he stopped the bleeding? Maybe he is magical. Well, here's the thing. During this time period in 1904, science didn't know squatterly shit about hemophilia.

And unfortunately, something that doctors did think was helpful was giving them aspirin. I guess because it did help with the pain. But aspirin is a blood thinner. So it was actually one of like the worst things you could give to anyone with hemophilia because it can lead to even more blood being lost from a small injury. And once Rasputin was brought on as Alexei's healer, he didn't let him take aspirin. So his magical powers that cured Alexei could literally just have been not giving him aspirin. Either way, Alexandra was over the freaking moon.

She was like, oh, my God, this is the shit. Just like that. Oh, my God, maybe he stayed. Yay. She didn't just, like, see Rasputin as a healer, but as her son's savior. I mean, naturally, Rasputin becomes one of her favorite people and closest confidants. But the thing is, most of Russia didn't know that Rasputin actually saved, like, baby Alexei's life. And when they looked at it from afar, you know, seeing Rasputin randomly with the family,

it was just, like, a really odd look. So rumors started to spread naturally that, like, an affair was happening between Rasputin and Alexandra. Mm-hmm. They're like, ooh, they fucking. I mean, by this point, Rasputin did. had been living at court for about a decade. And he and the Zarina were obviously extremely close. And then when World War I starts in 1914,

this rumor only gets worse because the Tsar, Alexandria's husband, leaves to go fight on the front lines. So the Russian people are like, oh, they are for sure, you know, because there wasn't anyone around. That's what everyone's saying. Postcards start to circulate. that show graphic little cartoons of the Zorina and Rasputin doing like some wild kinky shit.

All of this might sound like National Enquirer, gossip magazine shit, but, I mean it is, but it actually had like a really huge impact on Russia. They took this shit like, you know, very serious. And ever since the Tsar and his family had moved away from the city to like try to get out of the limelight, they had completely like lost touch with their people. 99% of Russians had no,

no idea that Alexei was sick, so they just kind of saw the Tsar and Zarina as snobby, rich people who were out of touch. Which wasn't wrong, but they didn't want to hear it. So that's why they voted. And after Germany declared war on Russia and World War I, most Russians hated the Germans. And unfortunately, Zarina Alexandra was a German princess. Hmm, sad. Even though she was was essentially their queen. They didn't trust her. And the cherry on the cake was Rasputin. Who the hell was this woo-woo peasant

who had wormed his way, who had f***ed his way to the top, all the way to the palace? What was going on between he and Alexandra's while Tsar Nicholas was away? The people had questions. To the outside, the monarchy, they just looked straight up messy.

Get it together. Because of this drama with Rasputin, People started to doubt whether the Tsar system was actually still working or whether it was kind of like outdated. Was the family still up for the job? They don't know. I'm not going to get into like the whole politics of it all because we did cover some of the Russian revolution in our Stalin episode. But also it's just a lot, you know, that's a long story. But long story, short, our revolution is a ruin.

And the Tsar is like, seriously. super busy fighting in World War I that he doesn't even notice. And the Zarina is too busy taking care of baby Alexe and having tea with Rasputin. She's too busy stuck in his titty that she doesn't even care either. And anyone who's anyone knows if the Tsar and Zarina need to make a decision, they're going to run it by Rasputin. He was giving advice on everything related to the government. And it started to piss a lot of people off who had spent some serious time and money to get the attention of the Tsar and Zarina themselves.

So like how this got, everyone's jealous, everyone's mad, everyone's pissed. Meanwhile, Rasputin had a pretty bad reputation outside the palace for basically being a sex offender. Yeah. So pretty legit reason. I mean, remember that whole like, you need to be sexually exhausted to find God. Well, it seems like he talked the talk, and he also, like, walked the walk, but not always consensually, allegedly. And according to urban legend, this made him many, many enemies, and these enemies would ultimately cost him his life. I mean, good, though.

Like, if he rapes people, then fuck you. One woman tried to kill Rasputin, allegedly, to get back at him for assaulting her in 1914. Keonia Gaseva, she was working as a sex worker. I guess she had, like, straight-up attack to Rasputin. She stabbed him in the gut with a dagger. Mm-hmm. As one does. I wouldn't say that they saw Rasputin's guts fall out of his stomach

while Keona shouted, quote, I've killed the Antichrist. I mean, she thought she killed him. I mean, heck, Hercutin thought she killed him. Everyone thought he was dead. But somehow just, like, I don't know, like a zombie. He just, like, got up and recovered. I think this must be where the rumors that Rasputin was immortal come from.

Because who survives their guts falling out of their body? Oh, my God. Even in the cartoon, Anastasia, there's a scene where, like, his guts fall out. Ew, that movie's so gross and accurate. Wow. So, Rasputin is, like, this unkillable demon. And most of this legend actually comes from the second, assassination attempt that Rasputin faced.

I'm going to go home and watch Anastasia and probably like cry because he was so scary. Rasputin in that movie was so scary. His skin melted off and stuff. Come on. And it was all real. Fuck. According to urban legend, a man named Yusupov tried to kill Rasputin in 1916.

The story goes that Yusupov invited Rasputin to his palace for dinner and like served him a platter of cakes and wine. All of it was apparently laced with poison, like cyanide, to be specific. So Rasputin comes over and according to Usupov's memoirs, he starts gorging himself on the poisoned food. But then like some time goes by, TikTok, baby, nothing happens. And Yusupov is like, holy shit, he must be like Batman or something. Like you can't kill this guy.

This guy is unkillable. I mean, he's eating enough poison to kill like 20 men by this point. What the hell? So Yusufov decides to like take matters into his own hands. He instead grabs a gun. I know. He was like, you know what? Fuck it.

I'll just grab a gun. And he starts just firing it off. He's like, bang, bang, bang. And like the smoke clears and Rasputin still standing. Unaffected. Unbothered. Yisupov just can't shoot a gun, I think. But in his book, Yusubov wrote, quote,

This devil who was dying of poison, who had a bullet in his heart, must have been raised from the dead by the powers of evil. There was something appalling and monstrous in his diabolical refusal to die, end quote. Yeah, that's pretty dark. Yusuf was certain that Rasputin had done some, like, dark magic to become immortal.

But unfortunately, Rasputin did die. I would say fortunately, Rasputin did die, I guess. Someone finally got to him, although, like, nobody knows who it was. We do know that Yusupov and a group of Russian noblemen came up with a plan to finally get rid of Rasputin. And on December 30th, 1916, a group of Russian nobleman, most likely including Yusuf, shot Rasputin in the head at close range in the Yusuf's palace grounds. See, the elites of Russian society hated the fact that this peasant who had come from nothing had become such a person. an important figure to the Tsar and Zarina. I mean, they resented him.

And they saw him as part of the reason that Russian people stopped trusting the monarchy. So he had to be stopped. And, like, they weren't exactly entirely fully wrong. I mean, not too long after Rasputin's death, the story came out. Even though he lived in St. Petersburg, people said that Rasputin had basically an open invitation to the palace

because he made the Tsar and Zarina feel confident that a revolution was not going to happen. Oops. It was said that he convinced Tsar Nicholas not to flee the country back in 1905 right before things got violent. He barely told the Tsar that he had a vision, that all would be well in the end,

and that Nichols and his family didn't need to fear for their lives. He's like, you guys are totally fine, you're chill. Just like hang out, no biggie. Turn on some television, whatever. But spoiler alert, yeah, he was actually really wrong. In reality, by the time Rasputin died, the monarchy's reputation was completely in the toilet. And by 1917, Tsar Nicholas was essentially forced to abdicate, aka give up the throne.

And he and his family were kept as prisoners for years. All the Romanovs who could manage to get the freak out of the country flood, which Nicholas and Alexandra might have done if like Rasputin had it made them feel safe and secure, I guess, but sadly, Nicholas and Alexandra and their kids, they were not lucky. All of them were rounded up and killed by a firing squad, and the leaders of the Russian Revolution buried their bodies in unmarked graves, and Nicholas would be the last czar Russia ever had. That's dramatic. Resputin's body was buried at a small church in Russia, but during the Russian Revolution, his body was actually burnt to stop people from using his gravesite as a meeting place or like a place to rally.

Looking back, I mean, there are a couple different schools of thought. Some people believe Rasputin was kind of a sacrificial lamb who like took the hit for the shift of power brewing during the early Russian revolution. That his death was basically a lesson for any peasants or lower class people who hoped to rise up the ranks of society. They're like, no, this was what will happen to you. Other people think Rasputin knew exactly what he was doing when he told the Tsar and Zarina not to worry about the revolution that he was actually intentionally bringing

about the end of the royal reign, which kind of like makes sense because his whole life, he believed everyone should be equal and he refused to give anyone special treatment. Resputin's daughter, her name is Maria. She actually managed to get out of Russia. She would actually go on to become a lion tamer. I know. No, biggie.

just a casual job. And it was said that she inherited her father's special ability to communicate with animals and calm them down with those infamous Rasputin eyes that fucking looked so scary. Yeah, hot. She even went on to write a book about her dad. And this book is actually where we get most of our information

about Rasputin. The man, the myth, the legend. And here's another fun part. After Rasputin's daughter moved to Paris to do work in the circus, she ran to a group of women. It was kind of like a fan club. They were obsessed with her dad, and they worshipped his penis. They're like, oh my God, we love your dad's dick! Apparently after Rasputin was killed, you soup off, cut off Rasputin's penis.

Yes. And then he put it like in a jar or something, and he sold it for 8,000. dollars. Good for him. And he was literally worshipped years after Resputin's death. Yeah, he's the dick guy. I know you're wondering, because I was wondering the same thing. Does the penis still exist? Yes, it does. It's on display in the Museum of Erotica in St. Petersburg. Some people believe it's actually like a cow's penis because, I don't know, maybe because it's 13 inches, but I'll let you decide. So if you go there, take a picture and let me know.

Like, send it to me. Because I'll probably never get to see it. Like, I can't fly out there just to see Rasputin's dick. Well, maybe. But send me a bit. Look, this guy reminds me of Keith Ranieri. Did you guys watch out the vow? Shit.

This is Keith Ranari. He was having sex with everyone and he's stumped with the long hair. Ugh. Well, thanks for listening. Next week, we'll be concluding our spooky season episodes with some of my personal favorite tales. These are stories that have shaped, changed, and morphed in society since the dawn of time.

And even though they've changed, they've managed to find ways to haunt us to this day. Hmm. And let's be honest. Turn us on. Tune in next week for our episode on Monsters! Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. And also, join me over on my YouTube

where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, you could also catch my murder mystery and makeup. I'd love to hear your guys' distractions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history over on social media so I can follow along. So now let's read a couple of comments that you guys left me. Yeah, leave a comment. I'll read it below. Destructor Servantes, 9377. He has a very important question for me.

Hey, I was wondering what's your favorite oatmeal? I like apple cinnamon. Oh, no, no, no. You don't understand. Destructor, listen, I went through this period in my life where all I ate was oatmeal. Like, I lived off of oatmeal. It was really all I could afford.

And brown sugar was my shit. And still, to this day, is my shit. Those little prepackets. I didn't like apple cinnamon. That's nasty. But thanks for asking, Destructor. Love you. Tiffany Booley, 22631. Hey.

Left to comment on our fast food episodes saying, White Castle burgers make me horny with all those little onions. Okay. Brave Forbes edits 2687 had an episode suggestion, saying, you should do an Oregon Trail episode episode. and an episode about the Orient Express. Ooh, both are huge interests for me. Although I think an Orient Express video

would be great for winter. So maybe you could save it for them, end quote. I love these recommendations because growing up when I was a kid, the Oregon Trail was my shit. That's the hardest game you would ever play. I don't think I've ever beat it. I never gotten that far, like just in Terry, whatever. Everyone died. Everyone starved.

It was hard. But then I had to remind myself, like, oh, yeah, this literally happened to people in history. Like, that sucks, too. Anyways, so yeah, I'll write it down for sure. I think that'd be a great idea. Thank you for your recommendation. I hope you have a good rest of your day. You make good choices, and I'll be talking to you next week.

Goodbye. Wow. So, first of all, I think it's safe to say Rasputin maybe needed a shower. Maybe not. I mean, he was obviously doing well. Oh my God, Paul, you should be Rasputin for Halloween. Ooh, that'd be so fun. Yeah. There were a lot of conspiracy theories that because of how many times has Rasputin survived assassination attempts, he could not die

because he had allegedly signed some kind of pact with the devil. And then I was like, ooh, you know what that reminded me of? Our episode about conspiracy theories. Listen, our conspiracy theory episode was all about our deepest, darkest nightmares coming to life. There's the ghosts of La Yerona, a certified alien abduction, and even a few sleep paralysis demons. Buggle up and maybe turn on a lighter too. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Dark History. Come close, my children.

Let me tell you a few tales that involve strange encounters. I mean, the strangest, some might say. And these stories take place in a river, in a forest, or on your very street. The creatures that haunt these stories are straight from our nightmares. Oh, sometimes, literally. Today, we're talking about some of the spookiest conspiracy theories out there. I'm talking aliens, demons, and ghosts. Look, Paul's an alien.

Isn't that cute? I love it. What are you, Joan? Psychotic? Listen, we're talking about conspiracy theories. Oh, niche ones, like, well-known ones. and some that, like, maybe you've never heard of and in this much detail before.

Yeah, that's the goal, okay? Now, I just want to clarify that when I say conspiracy theories, I mean, like, the kind that you'd probably hear on the Discovery Channel after 90-day fiancé, you know? Weird, creepy, a little unexplained, and fun, right? Not the crazy one that your uncle is, like, going to ruin Thanksgiving over. It happens.

every year. And listen, like, all this naturally started because of a 2 a.m. Internet deep dive. Okay, listen. All about a Japanese Kleenex commercial. I know. I was looking it up. Don't ask. This commercial is from the 80s, and it shows a woman, just a normal-ass woman, being a woman. And then there's a child, like, next to her. And we can't figure out, is the child dressed as a plant or, like, an... It has a home. horn. What plant has a horn? So anyways, it's a baby thing and a woman, I think. And they're using the Kleenex tissues, which makes sense because that's what the commercials for. Okay. And then this whole thing, them like laughing and like giggling at each other just goes on for 30 seconds too long. And you're like, what the fuck am I watching right now? But it's underscored with this a cappella version of a very uncomfortable song. It's weird, especially at 2 a.m. You know, when you wake up a

two and you're like, no, why demons? That's always my first thought. So the voice is haunting and the whole commercial has no plot and there's like no reason why this kid should be dressed up as this thing, this plant with a horn. I don't know. But stay with me. Apparently, when this first aired, many people felt the same way that I did, okay? They were creeped the hell out by it. So TV stations were flooded with complaints. There were requests to take it off the air. And then the Kleenex, like the brand itself, they started receiving complaints directly. I know. I don't even know when people were complaining, though, like that flying tissue moment in the commercial really spooked me out.

Then the rumor started. Okay. were whispers that the whole crew who had worked on the commercial were dying. Yeah. And that, like, the actors who were in this commercial also, they had been, like, committed to a psychiatric hospital. So, like, something was going on. And some even said that the song itself was a German curse that was translated into English. Sorry, that's goofy. There were claims from people who had heard the commercial, like, come on late at night. And they were like, oh, my God, the song just became distorted. And, like, it was being sung by some creepy old woman who was, like, inside the room with them. It was coming from inside of the house. Okay. I guess none of that was true.

But, I mean, the part where, like, people complained was true. People were, like, super disturbed by this innocent little commercial. And, like, to this day, you can find it by searching for cursed Japanese Kleinex commercial. Not that you should. I mean, if you want to, go for it, live your life, but I will not be taking any responsibility for any ring-style curses that will follow you as a result. Paul, you watched it, right, man? You good? All right. But listen, I guess no one actually died from a stereo. circumstances, but you know, it's still, I don't know why, but it's still kind of like fun to talk about, right? It is creepy, though, the music, come on. And what's up with

that kid? Like, what is he supposed to be? Why does it have a horn? Let me know your thoughts down below. So this next story, Loki kept me up for many, many nights, okay? It's about a ghost who haunts, captures, and even sometimes kills children and men late at night. Oh shit. Many have claimed to see her on their streets looking for her next victim. Mm-hmm. So be on the lookout, okay? Because she's out there, and she's known by the name of La Yerona.

La Yerona is a tale popular in Mexico, Central America, and South America. And it centers around a Mexican ghost named La Yerona. And look, there are, like, so many different types of stories about, like, different encounters people have had with her. and because there's so many different variations as to, like, what she's based on, I'm going to tell you just the most common version, if that's okay with you. Oh, it is? Okay, great. So La Yerona is a story about a woman, and I guess her real name was Maria.

I know. I thought it'd be like Lorena or something, right? No? Okay. Maria was actually born as the most beautiful woman in all of Mexico. And when she was younger, male suitors would, like, come to her begging for her to marry them. But, uh-uh, she just denied them all. Nope, get in line, bing.

That is, until a dashing young man came into town. He was really good-looking, too, okay, and he was said to be the only match for her. So Maria obsessed. She is dignitized, okay? And she just had to have him. So the two of them, get in love, get married. And then not long after that, they have two beautiful sons. So it went from zero to a hundred really quick.

But it's love. Isn't that what love is? Uh, anyway, so now Maria, she's living her life. She's happy. She's married with two children. And then one day, she catches her husband stepping out on her. Yeah. He rode into town.

on a horse with another woman. He was cheating on her. The disrespect. I know, hello, I had your two kids, I'm hot for you. And he just cheats, he did. And worse, he apparently had decided to get with this new woman who he just met because he believed that Maria was no longer beautiful.

Devastated. Maria lost it. Maria lost it. She lost her fucking mind, okay? I mean, what was she supposed to do now? She was the most beautiful woman in all of Mexico and the mother of his children. Dude, guys suck. So the night that like all this happened, Maria, she's trying to go to sleep, right? She's toss it and turn in, and she can't.

She can't do it. So, again, she really just fucking snapped absolute state of, devastation. Gone. She decides that she wants her husband, this jackass, to feel pain like she was feeling. So Maria went to the bedroom where her two young sons were sleeping, and she woke them up. She's like, you better get the fuck up. I'm sorry. I just imagine her like, you better get the fuck up right now. She wakes up her young sons. Get the fuck up. She told them that they were going down to the river, like, by their home for a bath. They're like, okay, mom, it's 2 a.m.

But all right. So Maria, she brought her sons to the river, where she then submerged her boys into the water and drowned them, right? Like one of those crazy Lifetime movies. And then pretty much, right after she did this, she, like, comes to her senses, and she was completely overcome with regret. And then she, like, absolutely. I would say she lost it, but she already lost it.

So she found it and then lost it again and had an emotional breakdown. I mean, she wants to save her kids, but she can't because she killed them. You know, it's too late. So she, Maria, is just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. And this is where she gets the name La Yerona, because it translates to the weeping woman. I know. They couldn't just call her Maria. Maria comes to the conclusion that the only way she can continue forward is if she kills herself.

Okay, look, real life. She hit her rock, rock, solid bottom. So she decides to do just that and she drowns herself. But, okay, listen, wrong move because Maria had been forbidden to enter the afterlife because of what she's done, killing her kids. So she's stuck in purgatory forever. And like, purgatory is a space in between heaven and hell, like, where you have to, like, wait to be sentenced. Well, Maria's fate was, like, worse than hell. The legend goes that she's stuck on earth, still haunting, searching for children to call her own and join her in purgatory.

A little fun fact here. She's known to show up three days after rains. I was like, all right, got to really plan this out. Okay, there's this tale that Maria, you know, La Eurona, she would take ghost form. And she would, sorry, that's ghost farm, and she would wander around schools and foster homes just weeping, you know, looking for her kids. And if she saw someone who looked like one of her children, she would cut that feature, stash it out of their face. In many cultures, children fear her. because there have been some instances where La Jirona just is terrorizing them.

And, I mean, it's not just kids. Sometimes she appears to be a temptress spirit. I know. It's like, ooh, okay. Like, she seduces men. So if she sees one of them alone late at night, she'll seduce them. She'll act like a helpless, a helpless, sad woman. She's walking around just like, sir.

I can't open this peanut butter jar. I need your big, strong muscles. And they fall for it every time. She's like, my pickle jar won't open. I need someone with big, strong muscles to help me out. That's how I imagine she does it. Anyway, so as soon as a man, here's this cry, you know, they offer, they offer her help.

And at that moment when they see her face, It's said to have, like, morphed into a skull or a crazy-looking horse head. Ney-ne-nay. Got horse head? Ney-nay, you get it? Okay. So even spookier, sometimes if you don't get the horse or the skull, sometimes her face is said to just completely disappear.

Usually the men get away, but they're left traumatized for years to come. I don't blame them. Just reminding everybody else of fear, La Girona. They're like, listen, she's not coming for the kids. She's coming for us. If she mentions a pickle jar, run, okay? There are other stories about her tempting officers that are roaming like the streets at night. She would walk around in a white coat with a white shawl covering her head and face.

I know, very angelic. She's like, and Laliurona begins engaging, engaging with him. M-ma-ma-mama, ma-ma, m-ma. Engaging. Until their relationship turns physical. Yeah. And I guess they start going at it, having sex in the streets. I would like to see that happen.

You're having sex with a ghost in the street. What does this even get it? What are we doing here? Dark history. In the middle of getting it on, okay? this one experience that a police officer had, he's like, take off your shaw. You know, I want to see her beautiful face.

Sorry. He's like, I want to see your beautiful face, babe. So she's like, oh my God, okay? She smiles. She takes off the shawl, exposing a big old grinning skeleton head. No mask, real head. Could you imagine?

He probably still finished, though. I would bet. I bet you he got him right then. He's like, oh. Okay, okay. La Girona then leans over and gushes, ah, of icy breath come out of her mouth. And it's like this.

Super icy cold breath is coming out. It's almost like she just ate like a whole pack of those listerine strips, the green ones specifically. Yeah, I know. I know you accidentally grab. two and you put those in and you're like, just me. Anyway, the icy cold breath that's coming out,

it turns the man frozen solid. That's what he gets. Just putting his dick in someone, he just didn't even ask him. He didn't even see their face. But okay. Anyways, he's frozen solid. So then he defrosts and he comes back to life, obviously.

absolutely traumatized. To this day, many people still believe in Lalia Rona, like, kids are still very terrified of her. People still think they see her roaming, weeping in the streets. But I think the lesson here is don't have sex with ghosts that you just met. Maybe ask them to see their face first. Get some standards, gentlemen. Come on. Are Paul's coming for you? The next conspiracy theory I'm going to talk about. It's not really even a conspiracy theory because it's like kind of a, it's a hot topic currently, right? And like it has been for decades.

And look, finally, the American government has confirmed what Tom DeLong has been saying for years. Aliens are real. I know. I think we all kind of knew, right? No? you did it oh okay well honestly it kind of feels like the world is on fire and everything is ending and everything is bad so it's like it's hard to really care it's like added to the list am i right anyways it all of course made me wonder like oh yeah when did this whole alien craze thing

start i start noodling you know why do we think of them as those big-eyed green monsters in like an electric spaceship well what you're about to learn will prove our alien friends are quite mysterious. And also quite terrifying. Can I just tell you my alien theory really quick before anyone else steals it? Okay, great. So here's my idea of what an alien is.

Okay, so they're us in the future. They have bigger eyes because they need the bigger eyes for all the screens that we're using. Right? Our eyes get big. And then they have those long, skinny fingers better to point all these fucking screens with. Right? We don't eat bones. Everything's a little floppy and skinny because we're not walking

or anything. And then we have a big brain because of how much knowledge we're gaining from the technology and constantly learning. Come for me. You can't because I think I'm on to something. Right, Paul? Great. Our story today takes place in New Hampshire, 1961 where newlyweds Barney and Betty were starting to like live their new lives together. So one night they were driving back home from a fun vacation at Niagara Falls. I've never been actually. Is it fun? Anyways, they said it was fun. And the route that they were taking was nothing. It really wasn't anything new to them, but something was different on this trip. Okay, during the ride. Betty, she looked out of her, she looked out of the passenger way.

window and she looked to the sky. And she's like, oh, my God, I'm cute. She sees a falling star. What do you do when you see a falling star? Oh, my God. Wishes. And that's what Betty does. Wishes.

But Betty, looking at the star, she was mistaken. She was like, wait a minute, that star is being real weird. Okay, it was not a shooting star. This shooting star, it just stopped midair. Do you still get the wish? I know. I don't know. But it just stops. And it's hanging in the night sky. And Betty's like, what the fuck? What is that? During this time, President Kennedy was telling the public that he was going to put a man on the moon. So everyone was like, fuck yeah. He's doing it. So Betty was thinking at the time that it had to be something. She's like, maybe it's related to that, the man on the moon thing. But she was kind of excited to see it. So she tells her husband Barney, who was driving. She's like, Barney. I love you. You love me.

We're a happy family. And then she's like, you should pull over. So then they pull over because they want to get a better look at whatever, you know, was in, what was it? I don't know. Once they do so, Barney's like, I'm going to get my binoculars. And that's when you know it's kind of serious. So Barney was like, I think it's an airplane. And they're just continuing, they're continuing to watch.

But then suddenly the object just started moving erratically. Like what? Different directions. What is it doing? You can't predict where was it going to go? And then all of a sudden it just stopped. And then it kind of just hovered in the sky above them. I would be shit in my pants.

I swear. I don't like that. I don't like that. Look, the both of them, they thought it was a little weird. So they just decided to go back into their car and just continue on their drive home. Only the hovering object thing, it didn't disappear. It's not like it stayed behind. It actually felt like it kind of was following them.

And even worse, when they were driving, the thingy was getting closer and closer and like closing in on them. And then that's when Betty and Barney started to panic. because I think all of us would be. Barney, he stops the car, he pulls out a pair of binoculars again. I know, I don't know why he just didn't put it around his neck, but he put him away. And he went to inspect what the hell was stalking him and his wife. I mean, really?

So, through the binoculars, Barney saw an object that he thought was about 100 feet away, and it was hovering, like, right above them. It was shaped kind of like a flat, circular disk, and inside he saw something that was even stranger. He saw around 11 of these greenish-gray, human-like creatures, driving the strange aircraft. Blue Man Group, is that you?

No, because they were green, green-gray. But kind of same vibe, I would imagine. So look, I can't breathe because I'm getting all worked up over this story. Aliens freak me out. But listen, after watching them for a while, Barney started to get like a sinking feeling. He suddenly believed that like these weird creatures were trying to capture him. So he starts running back to Betty. He's like, get in the car.

So the two of them, they get in the car. And Barney just, you know? It's great. pedal to the metal tearing down the freaking road they are going home i mean they were both like really freaked out as they like sped down the highway they both heard some kind of buzzing tones it's like i don't know what kind of buzzing but like they said buzzing that seemed to be coming from the trunk of their car but there was like nothing in there that should be buzzing we just got to get home so they're driving faster okay they were both

so scared that they were driving in absolute silence. And you know, when you sit in silence, something ain't right. Okay, something ain't right. Either you're in trouble or you're both scared. Then things get a little blurry for the two of them. According to Barney and Betty, the last thing that they remember hearing was that buzzing sound and then seeing an orange orb above them.

It could have been like a Burger King sign, Maybe they were, maybe they were, maybe they just, like, didn't know. Anyways, but it was orange. So they remember there was also a roadblock. They also remember discussing, like, finding somewhere to pull the car into. So eventually, they made it back to their home in Port Smith, New Hampshire. And they both, like, walk into the door and they look at the clock. And they're like, oh, yeah, it's probably like 3 a.m.

Because that's the time that they were really expecting to come home from their job. drive. But they look at the clock, okay? And then they realized that it's actually 5 a.m. And they're like, that can't be right. That means like two hours have just passed. And like, we have no idea where that time went. We have no memory of it. So then they realized when they got home, Barney's shoes were all scuffed up and Betty's dress was torn, like on the titty. And both of their watches had stopped working. They're like, what the long? They stepped out and they look up at the sky and they're just like scared out of their mind, okay? They don't want to see that scary-ass little aircraft thing again.

So after some time passes, the two of them, they felt safe enough to, like, go to bed. I imagine it would, like, be really hard to go to bed that night because you just can't remember shit, but what else are you supposed to do? I don't know. The next morning, over a cup of coffee, Barney and Betty, they kind of, like, debriefed. What happened to them? They both had these super strong feelings that whatever they had seen last night, maybe they felt like it was still around.

So they kept going outside and checking and like looking around, but they didn't see anything. And it was kind of like, what are we even looking for exactly? Just a flying disc? I don't know, green people. Paul? Because if that's what an alien looks like, I would be a little confused. Honestly, I would be like, oh, who wasn't expecting that?

But okay. Anyway, so then Barney had an idea. He told Betty that they should both get a piece of paper, arts and crafts time. They should separate and, like, draw what they had seen following them the night before. You draw, and I'm going to draw. Beebees, separate. Bibi, are you drawing Bibi? I'm drawing Bibi.

Okay, that's just a cute, like, couple's name, Bibi. So they're kind of just, like, testing their memory. So when they were done, they got together. and they combined the pictures, and that's when they realized that their drawings were pretty much the same thing. I know. Both of them had drawn a long, flat aircraft,

the one that they believed had been following them. I don't want to discredit them, but, I mean, you could just draw like a circle. Is it just a circle? No. Okay. So, Barney, he did not want to tell anybody. would happen. Okay? I mean, he didn't want the stigma or embarrassment to follow them in their

small town. Everyone knew everyone's business. And back then, saying you saw an alien made you sound crazy. And you don't want to be labeled crazy. Small towns don't like that. Most of all, he didn't want to speak up, not just because people didn't believe in the aliens, but Barney and Betty were an interracial couple. Now, this was 1961. And as a black man, Barney may have, like, been trying to avoid any additional negative attention. Plus, both Barney and Betty had already been married once. And it probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you and I, but back then, getting remarried? Not I.

They had reportedly shown prejudice against Barney when they got together. Betty, though, you know, she was itching to tell people about this alien experience. Okay, she didn't want to keep their experience a secret, you know? And it's like, what? What do us women do best? Telling secrets. We love to tell people secrets that we're not supposed to tell anybody. Don't lie.

When you got a secret, you can't wait to tell somebody, right? Anyway, so, like, Betty's like, oh, my God, I don't need to tell someone, okay? She had some of the best gossip of all time. No one could be her. So she's like, who do I call? I'm not tell someone. Her sister. She's like, she's my sister.

She's not a friend. So you told me not to tell my friends. That's your fault. Also, apparently Betty's sister, Janet, had, like, seen some shit around 10 years ago. I don't know what's going on with this family, but they've been, they've been seeing shit for a while. So whatever she had saw, it sounded a lot like the aircraft that Betty had saw, okay? So Betty naturally is like, dude, if anyone's going to understand, it's my sister. So after listening to Betty's story, Jeanette went.

went to work, figuring out who exactly they should report this to? Like, who do you call? I know you're all going to say, ghostbuster. You done? Okay, great. Who do you really call? Exactly. Okay, Pentagon?

Are they in the yellow pages? I don't know. FBI? I don't know. Men in black. What's their number? So, Betty convinced Barney that they should ask. Some people for advice.

Poor Barney. He's like, please. No. But babe, I have to. It's my experience. I know how we are. We win every time. Anyway, so they decide, okay, if we're going to tell someone,

we should maybe talk to our neighbors. In between all of these conversations, they were convinced to maybe go under hypnosis. Okay? So they believe that this was like the only, way that they would ever get to figure out what happened during those lost hours. Those two hours that were just gone. They find a hypnosis person. They go into separate rooms for separate hypnosis sessions. Okay. Not in the same room. Once under hypnosis, they both revealed some like

terrifying shit. That's the best way I could put it. Betty in particular, there's even an audio recording of the hypnosis session, and it's freaky. I wasn't afraid when I saw the men in the road. Men in the road? I never been so afraid in my life. Tell me about the men in the road. It's all right now. You're safe here.

I'm like, this is a lot. I'm scared. So Betty had this memory of Barney pulling over the car. Okay? She's in hypnosis. A memory comes forward. She's like, um, I remember Marnie pulling over the car. She then remembered both had stepped out of the car and onto the road. And in front of them, they saw like some kind of shadows of what they thought were these very tall, somewhat scary men. Behind them, there was like this fiery orange colored orb. Burger King. I'm telling you. Betty turned to Barney and asked him, like, are we getting robbed? Who are they? And Barney just looked at her and said, quote, it's them. I'm like, Barney, do you know these guys?

You met them before, Barney? Good told you. Anyway, so these strange, greenish, gray creatures approached Betty and Barney. And one of them took Betty by the hand and, like, guided her through the forest. Yeah. They're going through the forest. And he's like, come onto my spaceship. Betty recalls losing consciousness, right? And then she wakes up and she's inside the spaceship. When they woke up, Barney and Betty were immediately separated and taking it to different rooms. This is on the ship.

It was clear right away that these creatures, they wanted to examine their bodies. But like not in a so hot way. So Betty recalls these creatures having her love. lie flat, face down, on the examination table. And these creatures, they pressed all these, like, weird tools against her body. And then she says that they took skin samples. Okay. Once they're done with their skin sampling, they lead Betty into another room.

And there, this part is like, oh, there she's introduced to a creature named or called the examiner. I was like, okay, what's this? You know? Examiner of what? Alien daddy. I'm just kidding. That's not funny. So this examiner guy, alien,

he tells her not to worry. He then, this is where it gets a little freaky because he turns her around. He then unzips her dress. Yeah. Then he tells her to lay down on the examination table face up. Listen, I was like, what is going on right now? I want to know. Okay, but it wasn't good because he examines.

Sorry, Paul. I'm imagining dirty things with your kind. Let me erase it. I apologize. So he examines her for a little bit, and then he turns around, and he tells her not to worry. He's like, we're just going to do one little test on you, okay, sweetie? Close those eyes. So when he turns around, he turns around.

around, he's holding a huge syringe, like a big ass needle. And he then says he's going to insert this needle into her navel. I was like, no, he is not. No, I was into this. I was into this until you did that shit, Mr. Alien. Oh, examiner. Okay, so right away, obviously, because all of us would be freaking out, Betty was freaking out. This creature examiner guy, he takes a syringe and he slowly like insert it into her navel out but then he starts crying out in pain you know she's telling them that it hurts and then another creature comes to her she's yelling on the table she's like no the creature comes to her and he stands by the top of her head and he tells her not to worry she won't feel any pain and he puts his like creepiest little creature

hand probably looks like this or some shit over her face right and then that's it that's the last time or that's the last memory she has um like on the spaceship this is all what she said during her hypnosis so i believe it why not you got nothing to lose i believe it betty well betty was recounting in the last horrifying detail she also told the doctor that she still had soreness like in her naval area she also claimed that when she asked one of the creatures, like, where he was from, he showed her a star map. And he's like, we're from over here, showing her on that map. When Betty was doing the hypnosis, they asked her to, like, recreate the strange star map.

And she did. Okay, so I looked at the strange star map right now. And honestly, it looks like a dick. It looks like she drew a dick and balls. And it was a j-de-all-over the universe. Betty, I don't know if I can get behind you on this one. He just drew a dick. Really.

It's kind of beautiful. Really, Betty, wow, art. After Barney and Betty came out of hypnosis, their stories, they ended up being compared by a man named Dr. Simon. And even though, like, he had supervised the hypnosis, Dr. Simon was not convinced of what they uncovered. He thought the entire abduction story

was a shared delusion based on a nightmare that Betty had. Oh. He also pointed out that there were differences in their stories. For example, Barney said the creatures who abducted them didn't have mouths, no mouths. While Betty said that they spoke English. So at this point, like you might be thinking, this whole alien encounter sounds familiar. I mean, it's been around. It was like the hardest thing in the media at the time.

And since then, a lot of UFO encounters have been. and very similar to what they reported. There's this theory called accidental awareness. And when I heard this, I was like, wait a minute, I've never heard of this before, and it kind of makes sense because an analyst named David V. Forrest has pointed out something very interesting.

The stories of alien abductions are like actually very similar to what you would experience in an operating room when you're being put under anesthesia. Okay, but think about it. It sounds a little kooky, but listen, You're under a bright light, being poked and, like, prodded. People are speaking English.

But when you're getting put under, it's like, are they speaking English? Because it's kind of like, you're like, I think that's English. And then you just respond to a doctor. Yeah, do it. And then you wake up with big tits. I'm just kidding. Okay, but listen, even Barney's version of aliens not having mouths could be explained by the surgical mask that doctors wear. The greenish-gray color of aliens, same color

of like the scrubs that would be worn by everyone in the operating room. It's kind of making sense. Barney was asked if the alien encounter felt anything like the tonsillectomy he had gone through and he confirmed it was, quote, like that. But his eyes were closed. Wow. Oh. Accidental awareness is something that is actually still studied today, but usually it doesn't come in the form of remembering alien encounters. It's typically about any situation where a patient is aware while a surgery is going on, which honestly sounds more awful than an alien abduction. But many who experience this live with like PTSD and experience flashbacks. And like sometimes these are. brought on by something that might stimulate their brain in the same way, you know? So maybe a bright light sent Barney into a flashback of the surgery he'd had, and he later

remembered it as like an alien abduction. I don't, I mean, we don't know. Maybe he really was abducted by aliens, and that just triggered a flashback. I don't know. Don't ask me, I'm just like talking. 60 years later, and the jury is honestly still out on what, like, Barney and Betty experienced that night. To this day, there's a plaque. Yeah, there's a cute little plaque, like, on the New Hampshire Road where the incident took place. Send me a picture, if you see it. Throughout the years, Betty has been said to be visited by aliens numerous times and probed. If you're like me at all, the word.

accidental awareness made you immediately think of sleep paralysis. I think it does. It goes. It makes sense, right? If you've never heard of it or like experienced sleep paralysis, lucky you, okay? Because what I'm about to tell you seems so out there. You're going to be like, no way. No. But it's true. But it affects 40% of the population, and there's no known cure. Slap my ass and call me a donkey, because today I'm talking about sleep paralysis. It's okay, my breath. Sleep paralysis, it varies from person to person, but the defying symptom that everyone has in

common is atonia. I know, it sounds like a really cute name. Atonia? Atonia? Atonia, come here. Made for a dog. Come here, Etonia. No, no, no.

A girl. Etonia. Time for school. Give me credit if you name your kid that. Thank you. Etonia is the technical term for like when you're suddenly not able to move or speak. Most often say it happens when you feel like you've just woken up from like being asleep. You're very groggy.

Everything's heavy and you're not fully like, you just sound like a wake. But you are. Imagine you wake up. You can see everything in your room, but and everything looks normal and everything looks normal, but you can't move your body at all. It's horrifying. People who experience sleep paralysis sometimes also report like difficulty breathing and even chest pains. Like that's terrifying enough, but it is also usually accompanied by something, by seeing something. Okay, it's spooky. What people see can vary, but it always is something absolutely nightmarish. If you've heard the phrase sleep paralysis demon, then you already know where I'm going. To most people who experience sleep paralysis, they see what like they describe as a demon, a succubus,

an imp or Brad, their neighbor. He's always at the end of my bed. Anyways, so, this is like when they see this thing they can't move and this is accompanied by like a feeling of overwhelming fear dread and suffocation yeah so it's not really good time i would say now people can like really see a lot of different things when they're experiencing this but across time literally across time in various cultures many people report on seeing the same thing a demon. But the weird thing is that the incubus phenomenon has been around for like ever. Like as long as we've known, there are many sleep demons that appear throughout different cultures that are pretty similar. During the Middle Ages in Europe, there was one extremely common nightmare that

was written about. People would wake up and find a quote supernatural entity sitting on their chest attempting to take a shit on them. I'm just kidding, not that kind of demon. This is a different demon. It sits on their chest and it like attempts to suffocate them. So then a little later, during the Enlightenment, a man named Henry Fusley, who was a Swiss English painter. He created a piece called The Nightmare. Oh, it's spooky. And this painting shows something super similar to like what all of these people for years have reported seeing. An impish creature perched on the chest of a sleeping woman.

On top of that, in this painting, there's also a terrifying horse in the background. Terrifying horse, which I don't think has anything to do with sleep paralysis, but like, is that you longer right now? Girl, you hide it in the painting? She was hiding in there, it's her, I think. You can't prove me wrong.

I'm wrong. Exactly. Anyways, La Ereira. All the way around the freaking globe is Brazil, right? There's a creature that's known for standing on people's chest, haunting them in their sleep. And it's called Pissadira. Pissadira.

Come on. Tell me like there's a lot like correlation. Pissadira. Pissadira has been described as a quote, a crone with long fingernails. lurks on rooftops and tramples on the chest of those who sleep on a full stomach. Dun, don't, don't. I love cereal before I go to bed, though.

I mean, look, it's like there are just a lot of coincidences, right? In a part of Canada called New Finland, they call the sleep paralysis demon in Eggrog. I think that's how you say, egg rug. I don't know. You guys always let me know. And in Egypt, they believe that. this demon is caused by gin, not the drink. I know. But too much gin does make me feel like a demon squatting on my chest. Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all day. Okay, gin are evil spirits that

traditionally take snake form. But apparently they can also like become scorpions, lizards, and even humans. And then they get freaky. Because Because even these, the gin, can engage in sexual affairs with humans and produce offspring. It's hot. I don't know how else to put it. Like, okay, what are we doing here? Oh, let me tell you my story because I unfortunately have experienced sleep paralysis one time. And I hope that's it never again because it was the scariest thing I've ever felt.

All right. So I was home alone sleeping in my bed. Gosh. Just being cute, thoughts and prayers. And I wake up, right? I wake up. It had to be like two or three in the morning. And I could not move my body. I was like, okay, I'm awake. You know, I was just like, move. I'm saying what's happening. I was like, what the fuck is going on? So I'm just laying there. Like, this is weird. And then I hear the stairs creaking. It was like somebody was taking a step. It was like, er, like somebody heavy. I swear to you. And I couldn't move. I was like, someone coming. And then I could hear it getting closer and like coming up the stairs.

He was coming. And I was like, wake God, wake up, wake up. But I couldn't wake up. It was so stupid. I was like, listen. And then one of the things I was also thinking was like, thank God I locked my door, that demon or whatever. it is can't get in. Whatever it was, it stopped right outside the door of the room that I was

sleeping in. And I was home alone. Did I say that? Because I was. And I swear to you, I was just laying there like, please don't help me. And I could hear my door thing jiggling. I don't want to experience this again. And I swear it was like, whatever it is was big and heavy and it was coming towards me and I couldn't move. Okay. And that's my review. Thank you. I give it two out of five stars. would not recommend. I give it two stars because it was kind of thrilling. I could feel like it was on a horror film. I was like, I get it now.

So that's my experience, and I know some of you out there have had the same thing. So as scary as it is, because it's terrifying. Nobody gets hurt or has been killed by sleep paralysis, right? Well, no, oh my God. Because let me introduce you to the worst phrase since sleep paralysis. It's called sudden, unexpected death. syndrome. They got a name for everything. In the early 1980s, sudden unexpected death syndrome

caused the death of 117 Hmong refugees. So that was over 100 people who died in their sleep, no cause, no explanation. Dead. So of the victims, 116 were men and one was a woman. And all of them were in good health at the time of their death. Their median age was 33. and all died within two years of arriving in the United States. So it was like very similar stories. Doctors were absolutely stumped and like what was causing this case of sons among the refugees. I mean, hence the name, sudden unexpected death syndrome.

They could have just called it like, oh, I lost a nail. Since medical doctors couldn't explain the event from a physical point of view, Dr. Shelley Adler, who has a Ph.D. in folklore and ethno-medicine. So she studies the phenomenon of sons to try and answer, like, why does this happen from a cultural lens? Because it might make sense, right? Just like the many other cultures we've already talked about, the monk people also had a name for the sleep paralysis demon. Dab Sog. And just like the others, Dab Sog is believed to be like an evil. spirit, which can take the form of a creature and it lays on people's chest, and then it suffocates

them in their sleep. I mean, at their most vulnerable, you're sleeping, you're having dreams and wishes, and then suffocated. So some of the refugees when they spoke to doctors, they mentioned having experienced like sleep paralysis happening or even being visited by the dab song. So Dr. Adler decided to study the Hmong people and their relationship to Dab So I guess there was like a belief that if the Hmong people didn't worship their gods properly and perform, you know, certain rituals or honor the memory of their ancestors, they would be left unprotected from the Dab Sog. I know, it's a lot of pressure. You're like, damn, I got a lot to do today, though. So once a person sees the Dab Sog, they would need to see a shaman in order to make.

it go away before it killed them. Unfortunately, because the majority of these Hmong refugees were randomly placed throughout the United States, most of them did not have like any access to a shaman or like any type of elder from their community. I mean, they barely had community at this point. The stress of being far from home and then seeing like an evil spirit at night with no means to fix it. It's enough to up anyone's stress levels. So after her years of research, Dr. Adler came to the conclusion that it was this type of like stress, which most likely led

to the deaths of the refugees. And she claimed that the stress of cultural displacement and resettling in the United States, along with the powerlessness they felt and war trauma that they were still dealing with led to the men dying of sons. I mean, that kind of makes sense. Like, your body is just, like, stress the fuck out and overworking and, you know, I could see that. And she believed that if they had been able to rely on cultural practices to alleviate some of the stress, like maybe, I don't know, they could have saw a shaman.

The deaths may have, like, not happened at all. Another researcher, this one, like, studied the cases of 45 of the Hmong's son's death, found that 39 of the men had a strong belief and fear of evil spirits before their death. Spooky, I know. So it only reinforced the same conclusion that Dr. Adler had come to. Now, there is like a conflicting theory that their deaths were caused by a genetic cardiac arrhythmia science. Someone brings in the science idea and they're like, eh, boo. Cardiac arrhythmia is like a condition that's very rare.

but it's more widespread in Southeast Asia, where the Hmong people had came from. So I don't think these two theories oppose each other, you know? Like, both can be true at the same time, right? These people could have had a pre-existing heart condition that wouldn't have, like, been an issue at all, if not for the crazy amounts of stress they were under because of the freaking dab sock. High levels of anxiety can contribute to actual physical conditions. And that is exactly what, like, could have happened here. There's actually a study that is connecting the link between anxiety and the physical response.

And it's something called the nocebo effect. It might sound familiar because it's the opposite of the placebo effect. Nocebo. Lacebo. That's cute. So just like a person can experience positive results despite not receiving, like, um, actual medication, like with the placebo effect. Patients who are told they are being exposed to something negative can experience, like, real life, negative side effects.

So, like, if you're thinking bad, you're going to get bad. If you're thinking good, you're going to get good. It's not the same mindset, right? Patients who are made to feel anxious by a doctor before a procedure will then require, like, a higher dose of opiates to feel better after surgery. So when a population of people have been told that they can be killed by like a negative spirit, it makes sense that they could experience real negative, like physical effects, especially when you consider that many of these people would have seen people around them dying after having an encounter with that exact spirit. Now, of course, like modern science has an explanation for like why sleep paralysis happens.

It's when people are experiencing a REM state, but out of what? order. Stick with me here. I know. Sleep. Meemies. Yes. So while you're in deep sleep, in other words, REM sleep, your body pretty much shuts down your ability to move. But you don't know it because you're sleep. So you're essentially kind of paralyzed for a minute. And it's actually a good thing. It is because like if you're having a dream that you're jumping out of a window, you don't want to be jumping out of a window in real life. Maybe you're being chased by a bear or brat, a neighbor. Another thing about sleep is that the body is designed to stay unconscious while you sleep, obviously. And many of us dream while we're asleep, which is technically a hallucination.

So sleep paralysis can be explained scientifically as a result of these functions happening in the wrong order. Like, you're still. still paralyzed and still hallucinating, you're still having a dream, but your body, you know, your mind is awake. It's like your brain hasn't fully caught up to the awake part yet. And when he eventually does catch up, the sleep paralysis ends, which is why most accounts of sleep paralysis only last for a few brief terrifying moments. A sleep paralysis demon, whether it appears as a witch, a ghost, an animal, or Brad is what's called a hypnopompic hallucination. So this is also known as the

incubus phenomenon, but no Brandon Boyd involved. I know. Bummer for us. According to Dr. Mark Mollendike of a psychologist at Leiden University in the Netherlands, the incubus phenomenon is rare. I mean, people like aren't reporting that they have sleep paralysis and like, see their high school theater teacher yelling at them because they forgot their tap routine. You know? People just don't seem to be seeing goofy shit or even like scary animals during sleep paralysis. It's always just demons. Rude. Ultimately, science can only guess because the truth is no one knows exactly what causes sleep paralysis. What we do know is that people who whose sleep cycle is disrupted by jet lag or shift work

can be at higher risk for sleep paralysis. But there's like no solid scientific explanation for why it's happening in the first place. So we have to turn to the occult. I know, it seems like a big jump, but maybe it is demons. But this is just a very long way of saying that nightmares can indeed kill you.

Sorry, girl, it's over. We're all done so. The experience of waking up, unable to move or breathe, and seeing like a scary-ass monster hovering over you is timeless. Like a diamond. Just timeless. Breatthaking. A worldwide phenomenon.

Being a human, it's just so special, isn't it? We've got opposable thumbs, logical thinking, and a universal nightmare demon. that like sits on our chest every night. But hey, look, look, look. Take comfort in knowing that it might not happen. Instead, aliens might abduct you on your drive home and a crying lady ghost might morph into a horse when you try to help her open a jar of peanut butter.

Plenty can come and, like, get you before the sleep demons have a chance. You're slippery when wet. Anyway, you guys, I hope you have a happy, spooky, season. And thank you for listening. Next week, we'll be talking about someone many of you have requested a follow-up episode on. And we see your comments. Okay? Next week, we'll be talking about the most mythical man in all of Russia. Was that song? It's kind of a bop. Oh, he's known for being close to the Royal Romanov family.

And I hate to burst your bubble, but he never had a talking bat named Bartok or a kick-ass musical number. Honestly, a bop. If they played that in the club, you'd catch me. Okay, but I will say this. He does have one hell of a story. So what you're going to need to do is tune in next week. because we're doing an episode on Rasputin. Hey, Rasputt.

Can I call you Spute? Sputty, Putin. I hope you learned something new in today's story. Don't take candy from strangers. And remember, you can join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs, because maybe you want to see what I look like.

Here I am. And then while you're there, what you're also going to want, I do is catch my murder mystery and makeup because it's like true crime and there's makeup. Great. I hope to see you there. Can't wait. Now, I love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story. So make sure to use the hashtag dark history over on social media so I can stock you and see what you're doing. I will get my binoculars out. I am serious. Now let's read what our viewers have to say. Dara Temple had a little suggestion for a new show. Quote,

I can picture an animated series of Bailey Sarian, and she's got Joan and Paul with her. So cool. The universe has got to let it happen, end quote. Honestly, I love this and I support this decision. I will only do the series of the people who animated Daria or Beavis and Butthead can do it for me. I hope to see some emails when I get home. Thank you. Thank you.

And Paul, too. We all got to be there. Linda. Linda Bet, 4254 left a comment on our fast food episode saying, quote, there is actually an app called McBroken, which maps all the McDonald's in your area and lets you know if the ice cream machine is broken. I quote, you know what, Linda? Linda, Linda, listen, I knew about this, but I was trying to keep it on the deal because I was like, if everyone knows the app's going to crash,

it's barely hanging on. But you know what? I should stop being an asshole. Be more like Linda and let the people know. But then the lines are going to be longer, Linda. Linda, come on. Now I'm going to have to wait longer. Okay, well, thanks, Linda. Appreciate you. You're a gift.

Amy Angerer, 6-966. Had a suggestion for an episode. Quote, Nelly Bly needs to be a dark history subject. She wasn't the darkness, but she exposed so many horrific underbellies. as one of the first female investigative reporters. Her topics would make an awesome episode. End quote. Wow, Amy.

I did a quick little search on Nellie. I was like, bobo-da-woo, blah, blah, blah. Asylum Exposé came up. And Amy, honey, listen, I'm intrigued. Give me a pot of coffee going, you know? Some donuts. I'm in. I hope you have a good rest of your day.

You make good choices, and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye. Wow, yes. Now I'm terrified my sleep paralysis demon is gonna make a comeback. Great job Bailey. And hey, how about Barney and Betty? Do we believe them? Seems like there are too many spooky coincidences for that alien abduction to be fake. Nothing wrong with an innocent little conspiracy theory, right? Well, have you guys been watching those Congress testimonies about the aliens and all that shit? I'm in my alien era right now, so they were not lying, they were telling truth. It doesn't matter. Thank you for hanging out with me today. I hope you learned something new

or maybe you got a little creeped out. But hey, listen, we have a very exciting episode coming up for you next. Next episode, huh? So every year I have a Halloween movie night with friends and they always want to watch the exorcism. Now, I wasn't allowed to watch the exorcism growing up because, you know, demons, okay? But my friends didn't grow up like that. They like demons. So it was like entertainment. And it got me thinking, what is the truth behind real-life exorcisms? So I did hello Google search, and it turns out that movie caused a mass hysteria in America that we are still experiencing today. And that's not all. Throughout history, there are tons of exorcism accounts that have even atheist historians questioning their beliefs. Is it

real? Is it all for show? And is there really an exorcisms on-demand app? Listen, you aren't prepared for this one. I know I wasn't. So tune in next episode for the dark history of exorcisms. By the way, we are dark next week, so there will not be a new upload, but we will be back on October 29th with our Halloween episode. So you better show up. Thank you so much for watching and engaging and commenting. Maybe leave a comment down below because it might be featured. And you can join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs. And while you're there, you can also catch my murder, mystery, and makeup. So don't forget to subscribe. Hello. And hey, if you don't know, Dark History is an audio

boom original. And I'm your host, Bailey Sarian. I hope we have a good day today. You make good choices. Be safe out there. And I'll be talking to you guys later. Goodbye. Hi.