Dark History - 54: Shave Your Head and Get In the Closet: Dark History of Marriage

Episode Date: September 14, 2022

Welcome to the Dark History podcast. We’re going to the chapel and we’re going to get married! But it’s not all pretty dresses and delicious cake (mmmmmm cake). In fact, a lot of the wedding traditions that we hold near and dear have a pretty dark past. In today’s episode we’ll find out why we kiss the bride, why the father gives the bride away, why bridesmaids exist and what’s with their matching dresses, and why the garter toss is even a thing.  Episode Advertisers Include:  Zip Recruiter, Ship Station, Apostrophe, and OUAI Haircare. Learn more during the podcast about special offers!

Hi friends, I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to my study. Or, you know, just my podcast, our history. Hi. This is a chance to tell the story like it is and to share the history of stuff we honestly would never think about. I just need you to sit back, relax, and we're going to talk about that hot juicy history goss.

Okay. So maybe you can tell by my beautiful veil, I'm getting married. It's my wedding day. Aren't you excited for me? Great. Okay. So the other day, not even the other day, let's say a month ago. So, about a month ago, I went to a wedding.

I love weddings, especially if it's an open bar, I'm there, okay? They're fun. But, you know, one of those things that happens, you're hanging out in the banquet hall, right? And the cake comes out and everyone's like, you're a cake, woo-hoo-hoo. And it's cake time, right?

So the bride and the groom, they stand up to go to the cake and cut it. The groom grabs his slice, the cake picks it up, smashes it into the wife's face. It's like why she just spent a bunch of money on her makeup and her hair and her dress and you just, but that's fine. It's not my wedding day.

I mean, today it is, but you know, and then after that, the bride takes a seat on a chair while the groom climbs under her dress to get the garter with his teeth. And I'm sitting next to Grandma like Grandma, cover your eyes, oh my God. You know, what the hell is happening here Grandma? And honestly, when you think about it,

it's like weddings are awkward and it just kind of seems like a series of unfortunate events almost as a viewer. Cringe around every corner, the cake being smashed, the whole garter thing, it's just weird. Oh, and then like if there's a choreographed dance, I'm sorry, I know you guys put a lot of work into it, but that's different, that's a choice.

I shouldn't hate on that. Okay, hold on. Cringe around every corner. The money being spent on weddings, the food, the dancing, the lights, the garter, the... the tuxedos, all of it, right? It's just such a performance for who? For everyone else, it seems. So naturally, I'm like, there has to be a reason as to why we're doing all this weird stuff, right? The whole wedding dress, garter belt, everything. What the hell is it all about? I wanna know.

I opened up my laptop, get to Googling, and you know, Google never disappoints, okay? Because everything about weddings is so unfortunate. Ah, when I tell you about where all of this ceremony stuff comes from, you're going to be like, oh, God. Yeah, you see almost every single wedding tradition that we know today comes from an ancient practice that probably should have disappeared. But America, we took it, we ran with it, we made it our own. And that's cool, but you know, you're not gonna look at weddings the same.

Ha ha ha! Sorry to ruin it. I'm not gonna ruin it. I'm just sprinkling in some knowledge. That's it. I do need to add a disclaimer to... I should add a disclaimer to all of my dark history episodes moving forward, because a lot of what I'm sharing today about weddings history tends to focus on the rich and powerful people. So because of how it's been recorded, we don't know a ton

about like the everyday person or how they viewed and practice marriage, I wish we did, but that's why it's called his Tory. No, literally, that's what history stands for. His story. Yet did you know that? Jokes on us, because I didn't know that, and I googled it, and I was like, is that real? Yep.

So this is a very one-sided perspective, is what I'm saying. You know, like, you get it. Let's get into marriage. Yeah, my favorite. The year is 1200 BCE and we are an ancient Mesopotamia. Did I say that right? I think I did. We're going to be talking about the Babylonians. Yeah, this is when I had like a flashback because I was like, remember the Babylonians? Sixth grade history? Yeah, remember, it was all about the Babylonians. And then just one day, it was like, what happened?

You didn't ever hear of them ever again. They like, yeah, you get it. But they actually had some very interesting views on marriage. You see, the Babylonians had a king named Hemerabi, who was a very super influential person, and everybody looked up to him. Okay, this guy, Hemerabi, he essentially created a code of conduct for the Babylonians.

Essentially, they were rules that everyone should follow. There were different rules or laws for crimes, for property, ownership, and how to conduct your business. The Hammurabi code had 282 rules that were carved into stone. It reminded me, don't come from me, but it just reminded me of the 10 commandments with the stone and stuff, but there was no burning bush. There's one rule that I'm sure all of us know today

that actually came from the Hammurabi code. Yeah, let me tell you, it's the eye for an eye rule. You know, eye for an eye? If you don't know what that is, think of a lad in when Jasmine went to the steel fruit and then the fruit owner was like, Hey, you can't steal that and then he grabs your hand and he's about to chop her hand off and then Aladdin came like save the day and she was like, oh my god, I love him. I just restored balance in community. I took from you so therefore you can take from me. Hammer obi's code, but this is about weddings, Bailey, not Aladdin.

Sorry. I should start another channel where I deep dive into Aladdin, part one, two, and three, and the television program. That would be fun. But another big part of Hammerobby's code had a bunch of rules about family and marriage. Now, the year 2350 BC was the first recorded marriage in history.

Yep, way to go Babylonians breaking history or starting history. Yeah, yeah. And this was the first time that we know of where marriage had rules and essentially a contract was involved. An important part of that contract was the fact that the Babylonians viewed marriage as strictly for procreation. Had nothing to do about love, nothing about being cute, nothing, no dress, no party, nothing. They believed that woman were here on this planet to have babies and babies only. Point blank period. Thank you. Which, speaking of periods, the girls in the community, once they hit puberty, that's when they were considered a woman, and they were ready to be married off.

So usually these women, I'm using quotes here, were like 11 and 12 years old. So just really young, ripe and ready, I guess. The Babylonians had a very interesting way of finding wives. They would gather all the women in a temple who are ready to be married off. So a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds are like, come, come, come, come, us wives soon to be wives. So they go inside this temple, okay? And they have a little stage

where they would bring one lady up at a time. All the men would gather around and have an auction essentially. Yeah. The host of the auction would be like, this is Bertha, she's a Virgo, she gets kind of crazy, you know, she likes long walks on the beach, she hates to be thrown into a river, loves kids, go ahead Bertha, take a lap. You know, see that back end Bertha. And then the wealthy and the rich would be able to bid on the most beautiful women first. Beautiful, you know. You gotta think subjective. Okay, great, really.

Babylonian tens, the hotties, obviously. They went real quick, okay. Now I'm not being mean because this is literally what they did. But for example, the less attractive women who maybe were not selling as quickly, they would throw in a little cash bonus. Like, hey, this is Olga. Okay. She's beautiful.

If you squint, if you squint your eyes, she's real cute. And if you take her, you get this cash bonus. She gets even more gorgeous with the money. So, hey, you may have gotten a Babylonian for, but you got some money, too. I mean, that's cool, I guess. I don't know. I'm trying to see the positive here.

Once you bid on your woman and won her, now you are engaged to be wed. The Babylonians took engagement very seriously. One of the first things that had to be done was that the man would give a gift to the woman's family. It was kind of like a security deposit. Now, this gift was usually money, but it could be anything of value.

So livestock, property, sandals, I'm not sure. But let's say a guy got cold feet, and he was like, you know what, I actually want to get out of this marriage. He would lose whatever deposit he had put down, plus he would lose the money he spent at the auction. That's like if someone breaks off an engagement today, and they're like, sorry babe, I'm keeping the ring,

you know, same thing. There was no return policy. Not 100% sure how the ceremony went down, but what we do know is that once marriage happened, the next step for the happy couple would be to sign a marriage contract in front of witnesses, which then would make it official.

Now, once the partnership was indeed official, the groom would pull the wedding veil over the wife's face, like pull it down and literally shout to the streets, she is my wife! Like just making a loud announcement. You know how today we lift the wedding veil over the bride? Well back then theians, they put that shit down over the bride. And this let people know, like, hey, this woman, she's not available. Don't be looking at her. Nope. She's not on the market.

Which, that had me thinking, like, the veil kind of makes more sense if you're putting it down. The whole unveiling thing will get into that, whatever. So now it was time to have a little feast, Kind of like what we do today, a reception. Everyone would get together, eat some food, celebrate, and once the celebration was over, the newlywed couple would head on over to the father and the lost house where it was expected for the newlywed

to partake in some sexual relations. And the girl was expected to get pregnant on the wedding night. That was the only reason they were getting married in the first place to procreate, like I said. Now she didn't get pregnant. Luckily, the Babylonians, oh, they actually did have a great return policy.

Yeah, you see what, if you didn't get pregnant, you could take in your wife and be like, she brokey, no, we're key, I wanna refund. No babies come out, you know, I don't know. And if the man decided to return the wife, he would get his money back and they would act like nothing ever happened. On the other hand, for the woman, because she didn't get pregnant and now she has one marriage under her belt, she was considered damaged goods and it would bring shame to the

whole damn family. That's what we do best ladies. Bring in shame to the family. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. You know, cool. Now on the other hand, let's say a man gets married and his wife doesn't get pregnant within the first month. But, you know, he's like, I got a total babe.

Like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna return her. You know, like, maybe she makes some great sheep's meat flatbread. And he's like, I don't wanna return her. I wanna keep her. I like that flatbread. So naturally he wants to keep her around and be the wife. But he needs a baby. So what does he do?

Well, lucky for him. Babylonian men were allowed to have many side pieces or mistresses, essentially, living in their house as they could afford. Having a mistress was expensive. I mean, you had to feed them, take care of them, take them, walk, water them, provide shelter. It's just a lot of work, you know? And these guys were essentially like Babylonian sugar daddies. Now, it wasn't so that the husband could have sex for fun with his mistresses. It was strictly because he needed a child or he wouldn't be seen as a man in his community.

So if a mistress got pregnant and had a kid, the baby was then taken from her, given to the first wife, and they would pretend that it was their baby, not the mistress's baby. Proving to the community that they could procreate, it sounds exactly like Handmaid's tale. Have you guys watched that show?

I don't know why you guys like it so much, it's pretty fucked up. You kept telling me to watch it, and I did, and then I couldn't sleep, and I was getting all depressed, and I spied over, and I was like, why am I watching this? You guys are, Are you guys okay?

Anyways, it was like that, just like that. Now, it was rare, but there were wives who maybe decided to fuck around. And if the wife was caught cheating, she was in trouble. Because in Hammurabi's code, it said that the cheating wife and her lover, wow, they would have to be bound together with rope, then thrown into the river nearby where they were left to drown. The end, all the man on the other hand,

was allowed to have lots of mistresses, blah, blah, blah, blah, same shit, different era. Fun fact though, lots of rules in Hammurabi's code said that if you disobeyed, you would get thrown in the river. I guess it was just like a catch-all. Throw them in the river, Bob, right? Because it happens a lot throughout history. The river?

People get thrown in there. What was that about? We'll have to do it. Dark history of being thrown in the river. In Babylonia, around this time, divorce, not really a thing, but it did happen sometimes. You see, if you were lower class and you couldn't afford to get a mistress, there was always the option for divorce, but that would also bring a lot of shame to the family. So just shame, shame, shame, shame, shame,

shame, shame. And that's like a bit deal. Shame, you know, shame. Okay, great. Now this may seem a little cray, right? Marrying young wife auctions, mistresses throwing women into the river, but you have to remember like this was their normal. And like nobody really questioned it. I mean, honestly, a round of applause for the Babylonians for being the first, they invented divorce, they invented like marriage contract.

They invented like the idea of having mistresses. Did they? No. But they invented divorce in like marriage in general, so that's pretty cool. So next time you're getting a divorce or you're at the altar saying you're I do's, make sure to give a big thank you to the Babylonians for inventing that thing you're doing. Thanks, buddy. My listeners can go to zippercrooter.com slash dark history.

That's zippercrooter.com slash dark history that zippercruder.com slash dark history D-A-R-K-H-I-S-T-O-R-Y. zippercruder.com slash dark history. zippercruder the smartest way to hire. So now we're in the year 1100 BC and once again we're in fricking Greece. We always end up here in with the ancient Greeks don't we? Yeah, well, once again, they're having a little bit more fun because that's what the Greeks do. They're free spirits and you just couldn't hold them down, okay? If we learned anything from the Dildo episode, they were living, laughing, and loving everyone.

I mean, even on ships, I'm looking at Eucalycula. Anyways, so the Greeks also viewed marriage as a business decision, but now it was also a way to social climb. So your marriage would be set up by your father who wanted to marry his daughter off into a family of wealth and status because it would make the family look good

and that's honestly what it was all about. Like your father would go around town like, oh, my daughter is going to marry into the olive oil family and just humble brags everywhere. And it would raise a status. Now once again, women were eligible to get married once they hit puberty. So usually between the ages of 11 and 14. Now it's kind of funny.

This was kind of an evening giggle a little, because men were not allowed to get married between the ages of 14 to 25, not allowed to get married. Because the Greeks believed men were essentially stupid during the time frame of their life. Look, that's what they said, not me, don't come for me, but I can get behind that. So most of these potential husbands were much, much older than their brides to be.

So again, like the father of a young daughter could walk over to like Leonardo's olive farm. You know, he sees that this man has a lot of land. It's just rows and rows of trees. Now this is like a very wealthy family. They've got that olive oil money. And he says, your son, Alexander, I see he's 30 now. Not dumb anymore? Well, I have a daughter, Chiza,

Chishai of 13, and currently bleeding. Big day. Anyway, so the fathers would end up setting up the couple, let's say Athena and Alexander. Athena would be sent to the temple with all of her childhood stuff, and this is when she would have to burn all of it before going through with the marriage. Now this was a very symbolic moment to them. In my opinion, it kind of seemed like the girl was getting rid of her previous life and starting a new one with her husband. I'm sure they didn't really have that much stuff back then, but you know, she probably

tell like a pet rock or something. Next up, some couples would get rings. Oh yeah, some people had wedding rings back then. They were gold and sometimes they would even get personalized engravings on them. Like it would be the husband and the wife engraved on the ring. I would highly suggest to take two seconds and Google it because they're actually stunning. They went off all the way off. And fun fact, the tradition of wearing the wedding ring on your fourth finger, the ring finger.

Now that ties back all the way to ancient Greece. They believed that there was a special vein called the vein of love. And this vein went from your heart all the way to your ring finger on your left hand. They believed putting a ring on this finger was symbolic of love, but also by constricting this vein with the ring.

The Greeks believed you would stay loyal to the person you were married to. It was kind of cute, I think it's cute. I was like, aw, aw. And then it turns out like there's actually no vein. That connects to your harbor. But like don't tell them that. Don't ruin it for them, they loved it.

And I love that for them, cute. So over in the town, just a hop skip and a jump away was Sparta. Things were a bit different over there, not so much of a party. Their whole lives revolved around war. So marriage just kind of fit in where it could. But their wedding rituals were quite unique.

Spartan bride would be between the age of 18 to 20 years old and would prepare for her big day by shaving her head and dressing up in her future husband's clothes. Yeah, I don't know. I couldn't really find an answer on this one like as to why they did why they shaved their head and the husband's clothes. But there's some theories out there that like it could be a way for the woman to shed like her previous life by removing her hair and by dressing up as her husband. She's now showing everybody that she's a reflection of him and no longer her own individual self. That's a theory. I don't know if there is truth in there. It sounded legit. That's why I'm bringing it up.

But use your imagination. I don't know. So after the ceremony, if you call it that, the couple would do this weird thing. It was like a seven minutes in heaven situation where the wife, she would be taken to a dark room, still wearing the husband's clothes, and she'd like, wait in this dark room for a couple of minutes. Okay, they're like, we'll be back. So then the door would open, Err, err, err, err. And then the husband would come in, shut the door, room his pitch-black, and he would chase her around the room. So he could ritualistically capture her. I don't know.

Then they would have sexual relations. Yeah, I don't know. Again, I don't know what that was about, but it sounds kind of hot. I don't know. So after the couple was married, usually the men were always gone, involved again in some kind of war. Now this would leave the new wife in charge. She was considered the head of the household if the husband was not around, which, compared

to the others, this was a kind of risky move for them putting women in charge. But she was, and she would manage the property, and she would manage any of the laborers who worked and maintained the land. A lot of those workers were enslaved laborers, and she was, and charge. I mean, the Spartan women were given a lot more power compared to other Greek women at the time, but the Ramos strict. So it's such a... It's such a... I don't know what that's called, but it's a... It doesn't make sense, but it makes sense. This was the first time where we see a wife holding authority over her husband's household and land.

You go, girl, work that pussy out, girl. Spartan husbands could not live with their wives until they were done with their military service, which would usually be around the age of 30. What's just kind of nice though, you don't need them around. Until then, they would visit their wives secretly. So usually in the middle of the night, the men who were away at war, they would sneak away from their military camp, and they would break into their own house to have sex with their wife. Cheating was still a no-no for the women and if wives did cheat, it was very serious and a very bad reflection on the men, not the women, the men. But the Spartan husbands, they could do whatever

the hell they wanted, you know, which leads to the term soulmates. Again, love this, comes from the Greeks. Well, their thought process here was you married for the purpose of Procreation, but the one that you actually loved would be your soulmate Is that special? I thought that was so special So you could have a husband and a soulmate the best of both worlds and a lot of these affairs were between two men Oh, yeah, if you're a man who loves another man, that's your soul mate, right? Now let's say you're a lady who loves other ladies. You love an Arby sandwich, you know? So you get to talking with your girlfriends and you're like, hey girl, have you heard of this island

where you can like go and just hang out with other women? Like there's no men around and you're like what no, what is that? Well, there was this island out there called Lesbos. Yeah, no literally we're all the best lesbians could go and find their own version of a soulmate. Yeah, oh, oh, I think I had their own island The Greeks seem to be free and fluid when it came to love But marriage was still like this strict binding contract, mainly again for procreation, not so much about love. Love was for soulmates, which again is kind of romantic, but I don't know,

but we can thank the Greeks for two things. One, they brought us soulmates and that's special, two. They also brought the the wedding ring. Special, we love that. Thanks Greeks. Well, I can talk about the Greeks all damn day, but now we are going to move forward to see how the Romans viewed marriage. And let me tell you, the Romans brought their own flavor to the idea of marriage, as the Romans always did. Let's get back to today's story. And we're back. Okay, so let's say you're 12 year old Roman woman.

Similar to the Greeks, the Romans viewed marriage mainly as a business transaction because back then in 509 BCE, I'm sure you can imagine 509 BCE, easy imagination. Anyways, back then it was all about status and procreation to the back seat. Babies were definitely still important,

but people were mainly focused on money, because to them, money meant power. Money was everything. And in ancient Rome, just like the previous stories, once a girl hit puberty, she was ready to be a bride. The father would arrange who she was going to marry, and usually he would try and find a suitor who had a bunch of land to his name, or came from a wealthy family. So the father would pick who he felt was the best for his daughter, but most of all was

going to make the family look super good and super rich. Now why would the father be making these decisions? Well, you know, because he's considered the man of the household who made all of the decisions even right down to their children. Plus on top of that, the Romans literally believed that women had weak judgment. We don't. We're so helpless and stupid. Usually the father would be worried that she'd marry some loser, you know, because he was

nice to her and he didn't want that. He wanted land. He wanted land, he wanted money. Not love. Most Roman men would get married around the age of 26, because just like the Greeks, they believe that men, mentally, or just not ready before then. Once a fine man was found, daddy would set the wedding date, and sometimes the woman, or I should say the 12-year-old, would set the wedding date. And sometimes the woman, or I should say the 12 year old, would have to travel pretty far to get to her husband's house. And she would have to travel with her dowry.

So dowry is like, essentially she would be carrying a box of all of her valuables that she was going to give and bring to her husband. It's like showing up, like here's my investment into this whole marriage thing. I've got rings, I've got paper, I've got a collage, the stones and stuff. Here's what I got, marrying me.

So the bride, she would have to travel with her box of valuables and with a group of women who we would call today, bridesmaids. Oh yes. Now this part was like really fascinating to me. The Roman women had bridesmaids. Oh yes, now this part was like really fascinating to me. The Roman women had bridesmaids for their big day. Now they were important because one, you needed at least 10 people to witness

your marriage in order for it to count. And then two, your bridesmaids, they were essentially your bodyguards. Yeah, you're probably thinking what? Yeah, bridesmaids were their bodyguards. bride's means, where are their bodyguards? Buff up ladies, because we need bodyguards. Now back then, it was actually kind of normal for men to see a beautiful woman

just walking around, minding her own business, and then they're like, ooh, she's hot. And they'd go up to snatch her, literally kidnap her, okay? Carry her out, keep her somewhere hidden out of sight until her family stopped looking for her or until she got pregnant. Obviously, not ideal. So once the bride to be had their bridesmaids picked out, their job was to protect the bride, have her back to prevent any kidnappings from

happening. You know, so leading up to the wedding day, the bridesmaids and the bride, they would all dress the same, exactly the same. And they did this to make sure that nobody would kidnap and take the real bright to be or her valuables. You know, like if they're all dressed the same, the kidnappers gonna be like, what? I don't know what you want to take. They all look the same on bamboozled. And he would just give up. Because again, you know, men aren't smart until about 25.30.

According to them, are you imagining it? Great. It's your wedding day. Congratulations. Now to get to the altar, your dad has to walk you down the aisle and pass you off. It's a transaction of property after all. Sound familiar?

Dad walking the bride down the aisle. Mm-hmm. A couple of other fun things we still do today that were invented by the Romans, the kiss. Back then, Romans often couldn't read or write. So how they would seal the deal was with the kiss. Great. You're like, do you know what that says? No, do you know what that says? No,

let's just make out. And so you know outside the church when people throw confetti or whatever at the bride and groom. Romans did that. They would throw rice or sometimes like even nuts at the new bride and groom as they made their way to the after party. Could you imagine getting some like big old nuts thrown at your face? My God. Huh, you know, just nuts flying at your face had a nowhere. So after all of that, the bride and groom and their families would have a big old dinner together.

After that, dessert. Oh yeah. So the Romans would celebrate the marriage with cake. Yum, right? Campy man, love cake. But it's not the cake we know today. It was more like basic, bread, cardboard kind of cake. So the newlyweds would go over to the cake.

The groom would lift it up the whole cake and then smash it over his new wife's head. Oh yeah. And not like in a nice way. Like it was pretty hardcore. And this symbolized his dominance over her. Yeah. She's like, all right, you probably could have just done that another way. Well, hopefully the cake would break and crumble all over the floor. And that's when the whole

wedding party would come up and pick the crumbs off of the floor and they would eat together. And it was seen as like a celebration of him trying to knock out his wife with a big old crusty ass cake. God darn it. Yeah, after that, they were married. And it was time for the honeymoon. Now this is where we think the name honeymoon comes from. During their honeymoon, they would drink honey wine, have sex and try to get pregnant.

Hopefully get pregnant. You better get pregnant. Which again, kind of like what you do today, you get drunk and some of you have sex on your wedding night. I say some because I know most of you are tired and you just go to bed. But when all this bliss of the wedding night phase, the realities of the arrangement starts to set in. And that's when the man develops an itch he just needs to scratch. In the Roman era, there were two types of women sex worker, non- sex worker. That's it. One or the other, which one are you? So how could you tell like who was a sex worker and who wasn't? Well by the

tug of they were wearing, you know those those sheet things that boys wear at frat parties? Yeah that. Now the sex workers were sheer tunics that were short, sometimes very colorful, and they would wear a lot of jewelry, a ton of makeup, and were a little bit more loose and relaxed with their hairstyles. They look like they had more fun, honestly. So these men would see these girls from a sex worker as the ones that they could fuck around with, wives, they had to have sex with the husband

because that was your job. And then the sex workers were like the ones that they could have fun with. So again, kind of like having your mistress on the side. It's the same thing. The Romans, they also invented couples counseling, which is super interesting. In summary, it was always the woman's faults, okay?

And the nice thing here, the little shift, was if you were a woman and your husband was abusive, you actually had an option to get out. You could get a divorce. This is the first time a woman could make that choice. Now, divorce was way more acceptable here. Of course, frowned upon, you'd be shamed,

knowing we wanna look at you, damaged goods. But I mean, it's something at least they could get out, right? Still sucks, but to step, traces of Roman traditions have gone on to inspire a bunch of wedding stuff that we carry on today. I mean, bridesmaids. Father walking the daughter down the aisle, kissing at the altar because we can't read. Honeymooms. And if a woman was ever feeling unsafe, she had the option to get a divorce.

So yeah, thanks Romans. You did something. Oh and Couples counseling, I even episode. Now let's get back to today's story. So now we jump to Europe between the 1400s and 1600s. Now this would be considered the late middle ages and the Renaissance. This is the time when religion starts to dictate people's marriages and sex life. Unlike the previous eras, during this time sex was seen as something

very shameful, not to be celebrated, or even like talked about or anything, okay? No. They even had rules about when you could have sex with your partner. For example, you were not allowed to have sex on Sundays because that's the Lord's day. Jesus is watching. And they would low-key use it as a shady insult. This was my favorite, because I think we should continue this one on, like rumors would spread around in town. Oh, Alexander over there?

He must have been conceived on a Sunday. So previously, Daddy would pick out who you were going to marry to keep your status and money or whatever. And even though some cultures allowed you to marry freely, a lot of the times, all enough, it was the Landlord or Land Owners. Who would decide who you got to marry?

This is because the Landlord, could you imagine, first of all, if your Landlord decided who you got to marry. This is because the Landlord, could you imagine first of all if you're Landlord decided who you got to marry? Let me think about that for a minute. Yeah, that wouldn't be good. That would actually really suck. Anyways, so this is because the Landlord held a lot of power and controlled the people that worked on his land. So when approaching the idea of marriage, the Landlord is like, hmm, like, hey, I notice that Ricky is really good at blowing the lawn and Sandra is really good at picking weeds. They should get married. You know, they could have some kids. They can like make my lawn look real good together. So it's like, how is this going to benefit me? Which is really like

what marriage is all about at the time. How is it going to benefit me, the landowner? So for commoners, a wedding didn't necessarily always happen within a church or a priest didn't have to be present. And it's funny because weddings would literally happen at the church doors, just not inside the church. They refer to it as getting married on the church's porch, which sounds so ugly and not romantic, right? inside the church. They refer to it as getting married on the church's porch, which

sounds so ugly and not romantic, right? Within my Google deck. And it's actually really cute. It looks like a cute, like, entryway, kind of like a gazebo for dad. Like, it has three walls with an arch doorway, windows, and brick, exposed brick. We love that. Don't we ladies exposed brick? We love that. And that's where they would get married in this little entryway. Cute. Once married, their first meal together

is a large feast for the witnesses and family. And after that, the bridal procession led the wife to her new home. So once they got home, they had to have sex, right? And de-flowering took place in the bedroom. One of the most important things to them was guaranteeing that you were marrying a woman who was a virgin, okay? Like that was very important. And they believed that if you were a virgin, that meant 100% you were going to get pregnant once you had sex. Okay. So they had to make sure that this man did indeed marry a virgin.

Would you probably think you like, well, how the hell would they know? I've got an answer. Look, this was like an actual job position available at this time, where after the de flowering happened, someone would go in into the room, like you just had sex, go in, pick up the sheets, hold them up, check for blood. Blood on the sheets, Virgin, no blood, she's a liar. Parents usually they wanted proof that the couple had sexual relations on their wedding night and if the sheet wasn't enough proof, well, guests had the option to follow the couple into their bedroom to watch them do it.

So it's just dinner and a show, just to make sure that they're having sex. They watch. This is really weird. This is really gross, because the wedding guests, one of them would leave the bedroom after everybody was watching with like a little party favor. One would take the bride's garter

or like a different piece of underwear and this would be evidence that the couple had sex. So you know that awkward moment at a wedding when it's time for the garter toss and the groom like does that thing first of all in the middle of the dance floor in front of all of us we're all just like watching and everyone's clapping and then the groom disappears under the bride's dress and you're like he's going down on her right there like oh my god and then he always pops out with like the gardeners teeth and everyone's like, yay, everyone's all excited for some reason, right? Flix it into the audience.

The crowd goes wild. Well, anyhow, this is literally where that tradition comes from because it's the man essentially proving he and his bride have done the deed, have done the nasty, have had sexual relations. Us, the wedding party, we done the nasty, have had sexual relations. Us, the wedding party, we were the witnesses. Hey, you watched your witness. It's just like a tamed down version obviously, but back then you would watch. I wonder if the room smelled. It was probably like really small,

unless we were here. Hygiene, not that important back then. How many, there's like a wedding party of like 10 to 12, right? Small bedroom, 10 to 12 people, we're having sex, no one has showered. How do we a little stinky in there, you know? I'm just, let me know. Your thoughts? Was it stinky? Let me know. So in the 1600s, during the Renaissance, people got married for power. An example of this was the Medici family. Oh yeah, they had a net worth that in today's money amounts to over like $130 billion. They were celebrities. I mean, people thought of them as the Kardashians of their time. Now these people this family, they threw the most expensive opulent over the top.

Money on money on money on money on money on money type of wedding, okay. They took weddings to the next level. These people threw some epic affairs. They had parades, they had floats, fireworks, they had a 56 course meal. Yeah, I don't know. Where are they eating? I was thinking of as like when you go to medieval times, but if you add a wedding dress, kind of like that, because this is the Renaissance era or whatever.

Again, everyone's probably stinky. That's all I can think about. And what are you eating? 56 courses? What is that? What are they eating? Nah. I had a lot of questions.

I wish I could go back in time and attend one of these weddings. But anyways, people considered the family, the Minnadychi family, their weddings were like a national holiday. I mean, everyone in town participated. So before we move forward, let's recap the Babylonians and their hemorrhabia code created the first ancient loss for marriage. They made the whole thing superficial essentially.

The Greeks gave us the concept of soulmates and fun. The Romans gave us pretty much everything else, right? They created what became weddings as we know today. The reception with tons of food, bridesmaids, the wedding cakes, mashing the cake in the face, you know what I'm saying? The Middle Ages brought God into the picture and of course the Garter Belt, we love that. And then the Renaissance period showed us you don't have to have a boring ass wedding. You can go off.

You didn't have an elephant, you know? Have a whole carnival. You get married. And what did America do for marriage? We found a way to make money off of all that, woo-hoo! America were really good at that. We always find a way to make money off of all that, woohoo! America were really good at that. We always find a way to make money off of something and found a way to turn the business of getting married

into a billion dollar industry that just keeps making up weird traditions and for some reason. Now, let's get back to the story. So here in America, I mean, hey, we have our own traditions we feel like we have to do in order to get married, like the Diamond Engagement Ring. So rare, so valuable. Diamonds off a rabbi. You know, wrong. That's what they made us believe. You know, where every kiss begins with K, not sponsored, diamonds are actually super common

and not as rare as we've been let out a think. Okay, look, this is factual information I am sharing with you. Diamonds are pretty cheap to make. They're cheap. They're not that great and they're not that rare. And I'm about to shit all over it. So what happened? Well, there's a little company called The Beers, has nothing to do with alcohol, but they control like 90% of the world's diamonds, which meant that they could sell those diamonds for however much they wanted.

They convinced the world that diamonds were the only stone fit for a proposal. Now, it was the perfect way to express your love, or at least ask what they wanted us to believe. Before debiards was around, something like 5% of women were proposed to with a diamond ring. By the late 1960s, it was over half. That's a big jump. Right? We don't do math here, but 5% to half? Whoa. So what changed? Well, Debeers, that company, they launched an ad campaign convincing Americans that diamonds are forever. And normally that, they're a girl's best friend.

But according to Debeers, the bigger the diamond, the more love you have for your future wife. That's what they were selling us. And we felt for it, dammit. As much as I wanna go a little bit further into Debeers, let's leave debiers here because I think I'm gonna dig into them for a future episode about advertising,

but you can't have a marriage episode without at least mentioning debiers and diamonds. Double these by me. So diamonds, not that rare, honestly, not that expensive. We're being ripped off, we've been sold a lie, okay? Great. It does, I'm not judging, you've been sold alive. Okay? Great. It does, I'm not judging.

You could still love diamonds. I'm just letting you know, because we should know. Great. Now the second thing America tells Bryce that they need, a crisp, white, wedding dress. Now I always thought it was because it represented a woman being pure and clean. And I think, I mean, that's true when it comes to like the religious side of things, but once again, for the most part, it doesn't even come from that. The idea of a white wedding dress actually comes from Queen Victoria.

Yeah. So during her reign in the 1800s, she was beloved by her people and was also known as the biggest trendsetter. She wore a white dress at her wedding to Prince Albert in 1840 and you guys, it was the ultimate flex. Before this wedding, wedding dresses weren't any particular color or style. It was just like whatever nice item you had. Put it on. Now the white dress was actually a huge flex back then because it was not easy to clean clothes. I mean, to this day, white is a bitch. I never wear it because within five minutes of wearing it,

I spill something on it, hard to clean. I have a Chlorox bleach pin. That thing doesn't work. You liars, you all see it work. It doesn't work. Anyways, back in the olden days, if you messed up your white dress, your only option was to just throw it away.

So by Queen Victoria wearing a white dress that was clearly thousands of dollars, she was kind of like telling to the people like, yeah, I'm only going to wear it once. So what, I'm rent shoe pour losers, get on my level. As this trend evolved, America did its thing and was like, yeah, we were white because it means you were a virgin, pure, like toilet paper, clouds, snow, it all makes sense. So once you had the diamond engagement bring and you got the white dress, you now got to plan the big day. Now way back in the olden days, you could just decide one morning to get married, or your dad would be like, hey, you're getting married today.

You know? And that's it. It was done. Eat some bread, have some wine, shave your head, get chased around a dark room, you're married. Simple. But today, you've got seating arrangements, tablecloths, florals, catering DJs, and also you have to make those little gifts you feel required to give to people for coming to your wedding.

It's just a lot. And that is all by design. Oh yes, because in 1934, a magazine was created called, so you're going to be married, a magazine for brides. Now at this point in our dark history journey together, we shouldn't be surprised to find out that this bridal magazine was created by some old white man who went to Princeton

because sure, that makes sense. And in that magazine, women start seeing for the first time, things considered must have for your perfect dream wedding day. As in, you must have this or else everyone's going to judge you for having ugly center pieces. And you don't want that. And just a little while later, after World War II, America introduces to us this thing called the American Dream, which is essentially, you know essentially the wife, the kids, the dog.

But in order to achieve this, step one, you gotta get married. So in 1950, marketing geared towards white women in America creates this outline as to what wedding should look like, kind of essentially creating the golden age of marriage. People are starting to realize how much money can be made from weddings. Hotels start building event spaces, specifically for these types of parties, you know?

Cakes start getting bigger and bigger and more expensive. Women are feeling pressured to have like that splashy, amazing wedding because fucking Susie next door, she had a chocolate fountain at her wedding that dumb bitch, you know. But what all this was really doing was selling women the illusion that they too could be a rich princess for the day as she deserves. Even if she went into crippling debt to get it. And going into debt for your wedding has only gotten worse. Things just keep adding up throughout the years. People thought they needed more and more

to have that perfect American wedding. The average cost for a wedding today is around $28,000, which is a big number to begin with because according to the 2019 census, the average American income was $31,000. Oh, and we can't forget to talk about Vegas weddings. You know, wake up at 9 a.m. Go to the pool party, seven bloody marries later.

Maybe you're out of chapel saying, I do do some guy named Bryce while sweaty Elvis impersonators like, kiss your bride or whatever. And you're like, okay. I'm sure it happens to a lot of people out there. Was it just me? Price if you're watching, hey.

Anyways, what Vegas did was slap America's fast food model onto the institution of marriage and just cheapened quotes the whole thing. Which, it's honestly like the purest thing we have. It's the purest option, really. It comes down to you, the person you love, and a witness who may or may not be dressed as Elvis. You don't need to impress a damn soul, you know? It's nice, it's simple. And you'd think that's what a wedding supposed to be, isn't it? I don't know. Well, of course nobody cares about that because this is America

and, you know, they want you to spend money. Today the wedding industry brings about $58 billion. So nobody wants your ass to get married in Vegas. They're gonna keep pumping us with these dreams and visions. And this got me thinking, is this why we kind of look down on Vegas weddings? Like, that's so cheap. We used to. I feel like it's kind of turning. But you know, because we've been told to think that it's cheap, just in order to keep us spending our money, it was just a thought. We've all been brainwashed. I mean, best believe at my wedding day if that ever happens,

I'm gonna go all out, baby. Okay. So after my wedding, we should definitely look into making some changes. I'm just kidding, I'm not getting married. But if I did, I would wanna have a big old wedding. So I get it, I don't know why it's in us the way it is, but it just is. Right? God dammit, we fall for everything. Can't we have anything? Just something nice without being ripped off

and going into debt? My God. Anyways, well everyone, thank you for learning with me today. I want to know what you learned, let me know. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. I'd love to hear your reactions to today's story, so make sure to use the hashtag to our history so I can follow along. Also, join me over on my YouTuber, you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs, and while you're there, don't forget to catch murder mystery and makeup.

I hope you have a wonderful day today. You make good choices. I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye! Dark History is an audio boom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Kimberly Jacobs, Junior McNeely from Three Arts, Kevin Grush, and Claire Turner from Made in Network. Writers, Katie Burris, Alison Filoboas, Joey Skluzo, and me, Bailey Sarian. Shot and edited by Tafadzwa Nema Roondway, research provided by Regina Dolza and Zander Elmore. Special thanks to our expert, Vicki Howard, and I'm your host, Bailey Sarian.

Thank you, thank you, I'm here all day. Goodbye! 오늘도 시청해주셔서 감사합니다