Dark History - 57: The Witches are Coming - Hide Your Broom, Hide Your Goats

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Welcome to the Dark History podcast. It’s spooky season babbyyy. Ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and witches. Oooo witches. It’s hard to have a spooky season without witches. But many people hundreds of years ago tried real hard to get rid of all the witches. In today’s episode we’re going to talk about Witch Hunts, but not the ones in Salem. The Witch Hunts we are talking about make those ones look like childsplay. We’re going back to the original hunts that spread across the world.  Episode Advertisers Include: Apostrophe, ZipRecruiter, MeUndies, and Stitch Fix US

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I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song. saying spooky oogie like Satan, of course clowns, mummies, and oh yeah, witch hunts. So sit back, relax, and let's talk about that hot,

juicy, history, but Halloween, Gus. Okay, let me have you clear your mind. And I need you to think about the classic Halloween costumes. I mean, you know them. We're wolves, vampires, nurses, naughty nurses, sexy felon, sexy nun. Mm-hmm. You get it.

Anyway, at the top of every Halloween costume list is usually the witch. Who hasn't been a witch at least once in their life? And if you're like not me, then here's your permission to be a witch baby. Join the club. This is my first time. I've never been a witch at least once in their life. And if you're like, not me, then here's your permission to be a witch baby. Join the club. This is my first time. I've never been a witch before.

Naturally, I was like, I wanna do a story about witches. But, you know, look, it's a story that's been done a lot. And I'm not trying to downplay it or anything, right? But witches has been talked about a lot. Cauldrons, broomsticks, black cats, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, which side note? Did you know this is a little fun fact. The first story of a witch writing a broom was actually a man witch.

Mm-hmm. It was a man witch. He was writing a broom. I don't know. It was just a little fun fact. I thought that was interesting. You're welcome. But there's something even darker that is associated with witches, something that's

been used to target and murder thousands of women over the centuries. Some even dare to call it a genocide, because you see, without witches, we don't have this thing called witch hunts. Witch? Huh? I just realized I need a witch. You hear repeated way too much on the news every single night, right? Anyway, this got me thinking that the word witch hunt is thrown around a lot today, but wasn't ever used to describe, you know, hunts for actual witches? Spoiler alert, it very much was used to describe that.

And the rabbit hole I went down on Google, my freaking gosh. It took me not into just the history of witches, but I learned a whole lot of horribly shocking and grim stories about how the idea of the witch hunt was invented and then used to, let's say, burn any woman alive who dare to take a stroll late at night alone. And if you had a mole, good luck, sweaty, sweetie. So sit back in your armchair of inquiries, and don't worry, that will make sense later. And buckle up because listen, we're about to learn a spine-chilling story about how brutal human beings can be to one another. But let's start at the beginning, where does the idea of which is even come from? It's around the 8th century BC when we're first introduced

to a quote-unquote witch. Now according to Greek mythology, Cersei was an enchantress from ancient Greece. Now it was said that she was very beautiful, she was smart, and she lived alone on a beautiful island in the Mediterranean. Love that for her. But rumor had it that she was actually a witch. Not the ugly green warty witch we think of today, Ne-ne. She, Cersei, was sexy. She was hot. Schmoken hot. Men just wanted to feel her hot bod. When they saw her, they had this overwhelming sensation of lust. Men would visit the island, see her farm, see all of her land, and then they were caught off guard because all of a sudden she would start saying some random wear chance and stuff. And according to one story, Cersei invited a bunch of sailors to a banquet like, oh you've

been sailing for a while, you must be tired. Come in for some ice cold lemonade. But little did the sailors know that Cersei cursed the food with her magic. And she transformed all of the men into pigs. Yeah, actual pigs, like the animal. Leaving them trapped forever in their new pigbots. So creating fear around women seems to have started all the way back with Cersei because many believe they're up to something and trying to destroy men. But before TV, radio, Twitter, social media, all that, you know, ideas were shared and spread through the towns, the cities, the people, through art. One very influential artist in the Middle Ages was a German printmaker named Allbrecht. He was a big deal because he was associated with all of the greats. I'm talking about all the Ninja Turtles, Rafael,

Leonardo da Vinci, et cetera. Yep. He started out doing oil painting, portraits, self portraits. I mean, he was an art machine. You may even recognize one of his most famous pieces of art, the praying hands. You know, the handset everyone has tattooed on them? Drake used, used it on like one of his album covers,

those hands. And you know, all bricked. He was also great at engraving beautiful art into wood. Oh yeah, it was really pretty. Churches would commission pieces from him. I mean, this man was just poppin', he was everywhere. His art, people were lovin' it. They're losing their shit. And then he eventually moves on and starts making prints of his art, which is wild because prints weren't even like a thing yet.

One of his most famous prints depicted something quite terrifying. Something people haven't seen yet. What was it you ask? Well, it was a buff-ass woman. She obviously lifts, who seemed to be like commanding a creepy-ass goat. It was a witch. Now this was a creepy-ass witch, who was writing a devil-looking goat backwards. This woman is ugly, she's old, her titties are super low, but all-brept would be the man we think for creating the witch we all know and think of today

Like the old hag the ugly witch. Don't come for me. That's just what He actually like wanted this art to depict. It was like an ugly hag before Some witches and mythology were more beautiful like Cersei, but again, this guy, Albridge, was like, nah, which is our ugly. So he had a bunch of paintings showcasing ugly older women in his art. So this guy was probably just hurt by some woman, let's be honest. He was probably heartbroken and was like, I'm going to get her and all women ever, you know, and it worked.

Because these prints were pretty scandalous. They created a lot of fear in people to be wary of these sneaky ass witches and by witches I mean women. And when people are afraid of something because you know fear, it can make people do some really crazy things. So let me introduce you to target number one, our friend Helena. So the year is 1485. There were rumors going around town saying that this woman, Helena, killed a man's wife by using magic. Oh shit. We're just spreading quickly and people are believing it. Helena's reputation in the neighborhood was already considered outspoken.

She was promiscuous and she hung out with like some sketchy people. That's what everyone's talking about. I don't know. I wasn't there, but that's what's said. in, she was promiscuous, and she hung out with like some sketchy people. That's what everyone's talking about. I don't know, I wasn't there, but that's what's said. So obviously, Helena gets fingers pointed at her. Everyone in town is calling her a witch, and Helena was swearing up and down that she was innocent, and that none of the rumors were true, but she had a hunch where all of this was coming from.

She does something bold and says, dear everybody listening to me right now, I'm not the witch, you're the evil one. The guy that was accusing Helena of being a witch and who essentially started the whole rumor was this man that Helena was accusing of assaulting her. As she was like, he's the bad guy, he's the guy that you guys should go over. So the man that Helena was pointing her finger out was a man named Heinrich Kramer.

Now, Heinrich naturally did not like this woman who was making wild claims that he assaulted her, so he goes in harder and he's not gonna back down. It's what we know today as like gas lighting. This Heinrich guy was gas lining Helena. Nobody was listening to her. She must have felt like she was going crazy. Everyone's calling her a witch. She's pointing the finger back like, I'm not the witch. This guy is the douche. Point the finger at him. It's just an endless circle jerk. So then Helena had to stand trial and she was being accused of witchcraft. So how does one confirm that Helena is indeed a witch?

Well, at this time, they could decide and agree on what the definition of a witch was. Therefore, Helena was released because nobody could come to an agreement on what she was other than a loud mouth. Heinrich, the guy that was calling her a witch in the first place, was the prosecutor on this trial, and when Helena was released, he was pissed. It said that he left town quite embarrassed and ashamed of himself. He couldn't show his face around town anymore because he was just seen as a loser. But sometimes being a loser can inspire you, you know, you improvise, adapt, and overcome. And Heinrich was ready for his redemption.

And how was he gonna get that? Well, by getting back at Helena. The best way to get back at her was by creating a way to universally identify, locate, and destroy. Back to today's story. So Heinrich goes on a little writer's retreat. He spends some time way like in a cabin. He's working on a book that he believes

could possibly change the world. Heinrich, he ends up working with another writer, and together, they bang out what would become known as essentially the witch hunting Bible. It's called Malias Maleficarum, which translates to the Hammer of Witches, Yikes. Unfortunately, their little burn book comes out at the perfect time. It was soon after the invention of the printing press, so it was more widely distributed than really anything else, except for maybe the Bible. Yeah, this book was honestly a hit, and it was the foundation on how to find a witch. What witches did, what to do with the witch, like once you caught it, and why you should fear witches in general. Here are some highlights so you don't have to read it. So one, how do you, how do you

spot a witch? Easy. Ten helpful hints. One, she a woman. It was believed that women were much easier for the devil to tempt because obviously men are so big and strong. And women, weak. According to the book, midwives, especially, were witches because they murdered and consumed babies. Allegedly. Two, doesn't look like a witch. The book mentions an old, crone-like woman or an old lady hobbling along the road.

If you spot that, that's a witch. Another way to locate a witch. Put a Bible next to her. What happens? Well, according to Heinrich's book, if she stood on a scale and weighed less than a stack of Bibles, she was a witch. But this Loki was a trap because, look, in some places, you were a witch if you weighed more than the Bibles, and then there were other places where if you weighed less than the Bibles, you were a witch, it was just a loose-lose situation, you know? The only

way you could be found innocent was if you matched the weight of the Bibles exactly. That means you're not a witch, but okay, you know, it's just what is this? Come on, nobody wins is what I'm getting at. Another sign if she's a witch, I'm saying she because let's be real, it's always a she. Does she talk to herself?

A person was potentially a witch if she specifically she, not he, if she was caught talking to herself. Oh yeah, which oh and does she have a mark more specifically a mole or a wart? Now this didn't have to be on the face it could be anywhere on body, so the accusers could strip you naked and search your whole body. For like a mole, a wart, a mark, hot. If any woman tried to get the mole removed, the scar was enough to prove that she was a witch indeed. The mole or birthmark was believed to be a sign of a witch pact. When confronted with this evidence, you could be hanged and burned. Isn't that scary?

Just a mole. God dammit. Here's another way to find a witch. Does she have freckles? Ah, if a woman has freckles, she would be pricked with a knife blade or needle. If she didn't bleed, shh, which.

Now the catch with this one, there were official prickers. Yeah, people who were officially the prickers. And they would use knives with retractable blades to make it appear a woman was stabbed. But no blood would like be found on her. And they'd be like, oh, she's a witch. Side note, I think they invented the retractable blades for this. And isn't that magic? Like, where did the blade go?

None of it makes sense. Another way to identify a witch. Could she recite the Lord's Prayer? It was believed which is could not say holy words. So these quote-unquote witches would be asked to recite the Lord's Prayer without mistake to prove their innocence. During one witch trial there was was a woman. She accidentally said, quote, lead us into temptation." End quote. She forgot the not lead us not into temptation. So she was hanged, you know, yeah, lead us into temptation. Girl, what a way to mess that up. So let's just do a little recap on what we learned. You

weigh less than a stack of Bibles witch. You weigh less than a stack of Bibles, which. You weigh more than a stack of Bibles, you're a witch. You got a weird mole, you're a witch. Are you talking to yourself? Witch, stutter during prayer time, witch, bleed out of your vagina, witch. Breathe, witch. You know, so in Heinrich's book, this MM book,

I'm gonna call it MM, because I can't say my element of vision in my fellow congenial. So his book, there's a big emphasis on how witches had a, shall we say, insumet relationship with the devil? Oh yeah, they followed all of his commands allegedly, but witches, they could even sleep with the devil and have like a big, old all evil, satanic orgy. Yeah, that was in the book that,

which is are having orgies with the devil. I don't. Sounds like fun. Where do you sign up, you know? But that's kind of where a lot of the fear was brewing from. Because at this time, the church was really starting to put a heavy emphasis on the devil being bad, which kind of sounds silly, but before this,

the devil was seen as just kind of like a trickster, he would pull jokes on people, like oops, tripped you, you know, like, eh, I'm the devil. Now the devil was seen as building an army of witches and they're coming for you, they're coming for men, they're coming for everything. So there's just a lot of fear, okay? Fear that the women are coming and the devil. So there was another section in the book that was all about what witches did with penises, very specific, it's very bizarre too. Cause they had a lot of weird like,

penis fear happening at this time, it's bizarre. But essentially it was believed that witches would steal a man's penis and then it's kind of cute. They would keep the penis as a pet, you know, feed it, take it on walks, put it in a box. Literally, this is what they believed. That witches were taken penises in the middle of the night, putting them in a box, and you guys all better watch out because it was a war on Dix. According to the book, this was all because, quote,

all witchcraft comes from carnal lust, which in women wasn't satiable. Many believe that women were super horny, the witches were super horny, and that they would take the penises and control a man's penis. So if a man acted horny or did something bad, it wasn't necessarily his fault. He was under a spell. He was digmatized, being controlled by a witch. So it's like, even if a guy fucked up and cheated on you and slept with your neighbor or something, they'd be like, well, the witch made me do it.

We're always to blame. Can't we just mind our own damn business and be a witch alone? So just imagine the readers of this book who, by the way, mostly men, have been told witches are the ultimate evil. They're after their penises. I mean, this really scares them, but they've also read up on how to identify a witch. So what are they do now? Chapter two. What to do if you caught a witch? The books got you covered, okay?

First of all, you need a confession. The best way to get one torture. The book said it was okay. So there's that. One form of torture was sleep deprivation, keeping someone that you believe to be a witch up for days would lead to wild accusations, but they also would get a little creative with their torture techniques.

They had a special piece of furniture called the armchair of inquiries. I love it. Well, I don't love it, but I like the name. It's very powerful. It was a metal chair covered with big spikes, and they would sit the quote unquote witch down. They would light a fire underneath the chair

and because the chair is made of iron, it would get really hot. And like your butt would like melt to it, you're melting to the bull. They really were big into torture, it's bizarre. Have you ever heard of the phrase in the hot seat? Well, it comes from this torture device because well, the seat would get really hot.

Mm, it looks rough. It looks real rough. I looked up way too many pictures. It was terrible. So why do these witches need to be caught and tortured? You know, that was my thought. Well, they were using witches that escaped goats, essentially. For everything. It was believed witches were causing hail storms,

causing lightning to blast men. They were using magic for evil, killing livestock, and bringing harmful weather. Now it's fun to blame other people for all of your problems, so it honestly makes sense that this book is a hit. They go out of all this stuff going on. The weather's bad, their penises aren't great.

You know, I don't know. They just want to blame somebody. Plus, the Pope is like, hey guys, I heard about this book, give it a read if you have time, and people listen, because he's the Pope. And when he book, give it a read if you have time. And people listen because he's the Pope. And when he says drop your pants, you better drop him. You know?

So first of all, the fact that they had their own books, the people that had their own books was just mind blowing. Because most people at this time owned one or two books. And if they did, it was the Bible and this book. The MM, Mel and me, I'm going to be faced with my ninth infigurem. So people are feeling empowered. They're feeling cocky. They're like, look, I did my research.

I read the book. I smart. Fear, impere, noia, swirling around. Everyone's on high alert. There may be witches amongst us. You know, trust no. Smartest way to hire. Okay, we're back.

Listen, the year is the early 1600s. And we're in Spain. Specifically, a town called, I'm gonna push you this, but look, I'm trying my best. Zuga-ga-la-madi. Zuga-ga-la-madi. Wait, Zuga-ma-ra-madi. Wait, Zuga-ga-la-madi. Words are hard. We are here because this would be the largest which hunt ever done by the Catholic Church, where 7,000 people were accused of being a witch. Oh yeah, 7,000 people. Now fun little fact, this town was mainly made up of women. Surprise, surprise, right? Men did live there, but look, they were always working away. They were gone out

of town working. So in this town, it was just the women, the wives, all living there. And there was also a really big problem happening. A lot of the women in town were having still born babies, like a lot of women. I wish I could give you a percentage, but believe me, it's a lot. But naturally, rumors start spreading. Okay. Why is everybody having stillborn babies? Many people are starting to believe that there's a curse on the town, and that's why they're having all of these stillborn babies.

They believe that God had cursed them because someone amongst them was worshipping the devil. Allegedly. amongst them was worshiping the devil allegedly. So naturally, you know, people are talking amongst each other, hey, I heard so and so's like talking to the devil. Everyone's freaking out. I don't wanna have a stillborn baby. I don't wanna be cursed. Women are concerned. They need to weed out these witches amongst them.

Obviously, there must be witches amongst them because everybody's having a hard time. The women in town were getting very worked up, pointing fingers at one another, Obviously, there must be which is among some because everybody is having a hard time. The women in town were getting very worked up, pointing fingers at one another, just trying to find the answers because they were scared. So who do we blame? Well, that's when they point the finger at 20-year-olds, Maria Dezimi. So Maria comes forward for some reason, and she's like, like hey everyone it's me Maria and me and my

friend were holding witch ceremonies in K.A. Evil Witch Meeting. Sorry about that that's my fault. Maria tells people that she and her friend were doing this for about 18 months. Very specific for some reason but okay girl. And then she tells them look the only reason I am coming forward was because I got out of it. Being a witch that is Maria said that she was saved by a priest through confession. She tells the townspeople, I have struggled so hard to cast that witch life a sunder. Five even after I was saved by thine priest, I was ill for a fortnight. Forsooth I wrestled with the devil, and at last I was able to shake him hence.

Da, so her story of no longer being a witch was very convincing, and most of the townspeople, because there was like only 300 of them, believed her. They're like, wow, God, the priest really did save her, bless me. Now when Maria came forward and told everyone she was a witch, she said her friend was involved, so she throws this friend under the bus. Amaria again, she's like, I'm not a witch but my friend, I don't know she might be. The townspeople do what they do best. They get that mob mentality. They grab their pitchforks and they come for her. The friend that is. The friend is probably looking out the window

like, oh fuck what the hell is going on now. You know, you guys think I'm a witch? Fine me. The mob is outside of her place, harassing and harassing her. I mean, she cannot take the pressure and anxiety anymore. She can't go anywhere because everyone's coming after her, calling her a witch. She's like, look, I'm just trying to get some apples for my tree. Why are you calling me a witch?

It just messes with her. To the point where she's like, you know what, fine. You win. I'm a witch. So she confesses that she is indeed a witch. And she just wants the harassment to stop. So the people are like, well then where did you learn how to be a witch? And she rats out her aunt or aunt who then rats out someone else. And it just no balls from there. So much so that it creates a full blown hysteria in this town. Neighbors are turning on neighbors, family members accusing other family members. Fingers be pointing, left and right. It was chaos.

You can't trust nobody, and nobody is to be trusted. I think a lot of us kind of sit here and observe the situation, and we're like, well, if I were there, I'd probably, I wouldn't do that. I'd be different. It's like, well, who knows? If I were there, I'd probably, I wouldn't do that. I'd be different. It's like, well, who knows? If you are there, you'd probably be accusing everyone as well. I'm trying to call you out. It's just, you know, shit happens.

That was a bad example, but whatever. Listen, because all this hysteria, at least to a lot of people in town stepping forward, claiming to be a witch. So 10 come forward, specifically saying that they murdered children and suckled their blood. Not only that, they used powders and spells to kill a total of 29 people. Not only that, allegedly, these witches got together, they ruined some crops, they killed some livestock, and what did we learn from our little book? That's a fucking witch. And then this 80-year-old woman steps forward, who I love. I love this woman.

She steps forward, and she's like, excuse me. Um, I'm the PR person for the witch community. In fact, I'm the queen witch. So she's claiming to be the queen witch, which I loved. Good for her. So naturally, once these confessions happened, people continued to talk, and it escalated to the point that many believed that these witches, and witches in general were participating in cannibalism, killing babies, defiling tombs, incest, vampire shit. Not only that, they were participating in sexual relations. Oh, but not just any normal sexual relation. People were like, these witches are involved with homosexual relations.

So luckily, all 10 of these witches who came forward were pardoned under certain local law. I'm not gonna go into it because it's complicated, it's confusing, but it was a good thing. There was no bloodshed. It was nice. No one died.

That is until the church found out. Yeah. And nobody knows who went to the church and told them about this pardon that just happened. They're like, listen, these women were pardoned. Whoever it was, I'm gonna assume it was a man was stirring shit up. They knew what they were doing, okay?

And this made the church very upset. I mean, they were pissed because in their eyes, a witch equals the devil. How are you going to pardon the devil? Are you guys idiots? We have to go on. History. Now, let's get back to the story. So the year is now 1609. The church, they go out and they snatch four of the accused witches. I couldn't figure out why these specific four, like why? My guess is at these four which has probably had some shit on the church, something, you know, something. Anyway, they were snatched up and thrown into prison where they awaited trial.

And this would go down in history as the famous LeGrono trial. Why? Because the crazy amount of people being accused being witch. By the end of it, something like 7,000 people were questioned. Which, I guess they had the time? I don't know. Now it's kind of funny, because in this town,

they had a population of 390 people. So how'd they end up with like 7,000? The witch hunters went to neighboring towns to search for more witches who could potentially travel to their town and cause more chaos like stillborn babies, bad weather, Satan or G's, you know, all that. So they have to get ahead of the game and weed them out while they can. So my thought here is that they ran out of people to blame because in town 158 were accused

of being a witch and 124 were under suspicion, and needed to give a confession. Now, I'm no mathematician, but I believe that leaves 108 people in town who were not accused of being witch, probably mainly men. So I'm assuming here that it's ran out of people to blame, so they outsourced. That's my theory.

The witches that were put in jail or prison, 13 of them died because they were treated so poorly. Now they said the women weren't tortured. Mmm, okay guys. Mmm, okay. So the priests would gather all the witches, march them into town square, drag them onto the stage where all the townspeople gathered and took gawk at these witches who have been ruining their lives, their angry.

And the priest would look at his notes and read off what each woman was accused of in front of the crowd. He'd be like, that one over there, she's a slut. Like that one in the middle that Bernette, she's definitely gone hell for sure. I saw her do some shit. And then they'd read some long prayer

and everybody would watch as they, the accused, for sure. I saw her do some shit and then they'd read some long prayer and everybody would watch as they, the accused, were burned in front of a live studio audience. My god, it was very performative and very dramatic. The crowd would cheer because they believed that these women were essentially cursing them. They thought they were doing the right thing. I think. It didn't take long for the town to put some stronger rules in place so that burning a woman alive wasn't step one in catching a witch. If you go to this town today, they actually have a museum dedicated to recreating the lives of

the victims of the largest witch trial. And every year they celebrate the witches with a big old feast called Cave of Witches. It goes down every summer, they light fires, and they make time to remember that they fucked up. And hopefully it won't happen again. Props to you, you're killing it. I don't think it's cool. I just think in some, it's refreshing. I guess to see that this town acknowledges what they did

that they messed up. And yeah, I just think that's different because who does that I don't know. So Spain closed the witch hunt book and King James was like hmm can I see that book let me see that book I'm gonna copy your notes is that okay? Welcome to the peak of the witch hunts. Now there was a ton of witch paranoia going on in Europe specifically Germany, France, Northern Italy, and Switzerland. Part of this was because there was a lot of religious tension going on.

The Catholics and the Protestants were bickering amongst each other and making promises to the people like, we can catch a witch, they can't. Stay Catholic. Here's a mug, you know, like, yeah, support your local Catholic. The church was trying so hard to get people to stay and not go to the other team

because they couldn't catch witches like we could. It was, they were just being petty. The church was passing the idea that diabolical sorcery and witchcraft was the greatest threat to civilization at this time. Great. Again, pushing that fear deeper into people that the devil is coming for them.

The churches were promising to protect citizens from worldly manifestations of Satan's evil. So they're kind of telling the people, you need me, me being the church. You need us, we can protect you from Satan's evil. Sick, brah. Once again, the church was pushing that the devil's whole purpose on this planet

was to destroy everyone's soul, life, family, community, church, and state. Trickster no more. This is when they take it a step further, and add a little flavoring to their witches. Not only are they just anti-church, but now they're anti-state these witches. 2.0. So King James of Scotland fully supported the ideas of the book, M.M.

Maleficent, America, M.M. And he was a big participant in the witch hunt with the church. He's like, dude, everything sucks in the world right now. Emflations happening, social change, because there's an increase in witches in the area. Obviously, he's like, connect the dots people. He'll have nothing to do with my ruling. It switches. So men, same thing, they read the book.

They feel educated and confident in their abilities to spot a witch. And King James is telling them, get them, get the witches. They are why things suck right now. And men are like, yeah, fuck those witches. We're in poverty because of them. I read that book, I know what's up. God hates us because of them. My dick is small because of them. We gotta get these witches, you know, they literally believe that like, witches were doing everything. So exhausting.

They believe that their witches actually sold their body and sold to the devil himself, but this witch hunt was different There was a heavier emphasis on sex These witches made packs with Satan and would go as far as to having sex with them Yeah, they had Satan's D in them That's a pretty witchy and they also participated in sex orgies Also, these witches had the ability to morph from human to animal. Oh yeah. They never said what they did as the animal, but I guess they could, they could do it. They're like, I'm a butterfly or whatever. And then they kidnapped and murdered children for the purpose of eating them and

making ointments out of whatever was left. Then the witches would all get together and talk about their misdeeds, pitch ideas to each other, share stories, and eat children. Now, at this time, 80% of people accused of witchcraft were women. Their targets seemed to be women who were unmarried, low-income, old, midwives. Of course, we've seen them as witches. And anyone who was considered a wise woman, women who were smart, educated, obviously, which healers and doctors, which, but the biggest call out that I kept coming across

was older women and women in poverty. So were they witches or did they just wanna get rid of the quote unquote undesirables as we've seen throughout dark history? Someone get rid of Bertha. One eye is going one way and the other is going a different way. It makes me uncomfortable. She has a hairy lip. Peppy seen her. She loves writing her goat. Uh, Bertha. Anyway, how did they charge women with these crimes? How did they prove it? So witch hunters would go out and find these witches, right? And once they made the accusation,

Bertha, you're a witch. Now they have to prove it, right? So they were kind of flexible with their rules. They're like, okay, she's a witch, I believe you. That's all the proof I need. Seriously, like anyone could just make the accusation and it was taken seriously. For example, there was this one lady, her name is Catherine. Now Catherine is out in her front yard

and notices her neighbor's little sick. Oh yeah. And she's like, hey, Gertrude, hey girl, I prayed ill for you. And now I see that prayer has taken effect. And naturally, Gertrude is like, Oh, fuck, like she must have put this bathroom neighbor must have put a curse on me. That's why I'm sick. I need to go tell the church. So Gertrude goes to whoever's in charge and is like, my neighbor, Catherine, put a curse on me, and now I'm sick. She's such a bitch.

I mean a witch. Well, no surprise here, but Catherine was taken out because of that one little comment she made about her neighbor. She got that. You know, once a person was accused, they would look for witch marks. They would strip the witch naked, search her entire body for marks, moles, or warts. If one was not found, then they would use the pricking method.

They would prick her all over with needles to see if the devil had desensitized them to pain. Of course, it hurts when someone pokes you with a needle all over, so they would keep poking until they got a response that they wanted. Again, it was a trap, because once you were accused, it was game over for you. That's been real. Well, just like the other witch hunts, if you were convicted as a witch, you would then be sentenced to death.

Q execution time. Now this was a big public event. Everyone from town would come, take the day off from work, go to the town square, where you and your buddies could watch the latest witch get burned alive. Fun, you know? Oh, did you bring the ice cooler? Cool. And if you promise people a show like this, you better deliver.

Now witch hunts were happening all over the world. I always think about the Salem witch trials, but honestly, when you zoom out and seeing that this was a much bigger, it's a global thing. But for now, I'm focusing on Scotland between 1590 and 1662 when these witch hunts really slash dark history. Now let's get back to the story. Okay, so King James is in charge. Hey, population, about a million people, and his position as King was being challenged, and some people wanted him removed, but he wasn't ready to give up the throne. Of course not. Why would wasn't ready to give up the throne. Of course not.

Why would a king want to give up the throne? So King James is like, well, I gotta win my people back. And how am I gonna do that? Light bulb moment, I have an idea. I tell them a witch story. People love stories, they love burning witches. They'll be great. So the common theme here is that putting fear

into people is always step one. It works every time. King James is like, I gotta tell people this scary story about this time of men at which. He tells the people that he knows of a witch named Galis Duncan. So who is a scaleless woman? Well, Galis, who was a teenager at the time, worked on King James the 8th ship as a maid. The king and his new wife wanted to go on a honeymoon journey across the sea to celebrate. Fully stocked with the crew,

they head out on the waters, but the trip does not go as planned. At one point, the ship almost flipped over and sank, but it was saved, don't panic. Tragically, the ship didn't have to turn around and end the honeymoon early, ah, boo. Well, when something goes wrong, who do you blame? A woman or a witch.

Sometimes they're the same thing. Usually it's the same thing. So Galis got the finger pointed right at her. And this is when rumors came to light. Some heard that Galis made her own waitments. Some even said that they saw her making her own home remedies. Fucking weirdo, you know? And some other guy was like,

I saw Gaelis walking alone at night. So they all put their brains together, appointments, home remedies, walking at night. This could only mean one thing. Gaelis was a witch, and she cursed the ship. Now mind you, this is what King James is telling the people. So because of this, Galice, she was arrested for being a witch.

While she was interrogated, she was stripped naked. They shaved her entire body because they believed that the devil hid in women's hair. Just another thing, you know, the devil did, right? Oh my God. So they stripped her, they shaved her entire body. They searched for the devil did, right? Oh my god. So they strip her, they shave her entire body, they search for the devil's mark, being moles

or dark freckles. So they poked and they pricked her skin to see if she bled. And after searching and searching, they claimed to have found the devil's mark on her throat, which is like so annoying because they shaved her entire body. They looked up, down and in between. And then they find, you know, the mole on her throat.

Like, you couldn't see that. In the first five minutes, you know? I just feel like they could have saved a bunch of money and time with Gai Kho. But instead, they chose a different route. They continued to torture her for days. Days go by, torture. Now, some say that while she was in custody,

she was sexually assaulted. And others say that she was full on rape. While they're doing that little mole search, yeah. They were doing anything to get a confession out of her. Asking who her accomplices were. Who are you working with? Tell us. Now eventually because Gaylis is being tortured, she starts giving names. Duh, hello, yeah. She ends up giving a list of 60 other women she believed to be a witch. 60. I don't even think I know 60 people will like, okay, she's making up names.

Give her her. Now this is where King James and his crew get the idea that Galis and these 60 women, they must come from the same group of witches, aka Coven. And it was rumored that Satan had given this coven the task of destroying the king. They were sent to take him down, and that's why things were so shitty at that time. Because witches were contaminating the area with their filth.

Poor Galus was sentenced to death, and everyone came out to watch her die. So after this, King J, he realizes he's getting a lot of praise and positive feedback from the people for taking down a witch. He's like, I know, I'm amazing. This is when he decides to run with it and hopefully this will be, you know, the way to win his people back. It was essentially a campaign of terror against women.

Naturally, once again, everyone's on higher alert, especially women because, well, you're the target. And then this woman comes forward, named Margaret Atkin. Now Margaret, she would come in and further, fuck she'd up. So Marge comes forward to the men in charge and she's like, oh my God, it's so crazy because I'm actually a witch. But I'm telling you this because I can help you guys out.

I can use my powers for good. I know how to easily spot a witch just by looking into their eyes. I can help you guys out. I can use my powers for good. I know how to easily spot a witch just by looking into their eyes. I can help you guys speed up the process. And then the King's team is like, yeah, okay, like, all right. She's the literal mole. They found their mole.

Now this is my thought process. This is a side note. Marge is either a kissass or smart as hell. She kind of like found a loophole to stay alive. Like if you can't beat them join them kind of thing I think that's what she's doing. I'm not sure but she Okay, girl. This is when the king assigns a few people to go with Marge town to town door to door searching for witches So Marge is naturally going around like hmm. She's a witch

She's a witch. I don't like the way that you're looking at me. You're definitely a witch She's just going around labeling people as witches. And then she gets a little performative. She would look into their eyes and was like, I can't tell with this one. Uh, time for the sink or swim method. So they throw the witch, the alleged witch into the water and see if they would sink or float. Now, Marge and her accusations were taken very seriously. Anyone labeled as a witch was thrown into prison and tortured until they got a confession. Once again, if you're being tortured, most likely you're gonna confess. So this led to many confessions. And this made Margaret look great. They're like, wow, Marge.

Wow, Margaret, you're great at this. You're catching a lot of witches. Keep it coming. Well, those accused, they would stand trial and most of them were sentenced to death. Whoops Margaret, whoops. Now the final number of those accused by Margaret remains unknown, but many believe it was in the hundreds. Well, it didn't take long until somebody caught onto Margaret that she perhaps wasn't telling the truth. Hmm, I'm not sure who, but somebody did sniffing around on Margaret and exposed her as a fake.

They're like, hey, wait a minute, she's not a witch at all, she's a fraud. Uh oh, Marge, looks like your little plan is backfiring. Everything she said was indeed a lie, and the entire community entounced people, they felt stupid as hell. They actually believed this lie, which, as more and more people found out about this lie, it just proved to everybody that they may, perhaps maybe, I don't know, kill a bunch of innocent people, not witches at all. After this is when witch hunters and the Accusers lost credibility within the community. Nobody trusted them. Why should they?

They literally just killed a bunch of people for no reason other than a lie. So naturally, once again, people need someone to blame. Who do they blame? This time Margaret. Margaret, cheer up, cheer up, and you're out. Margaret ends up going to trial where she then confessed to making everything up. And the townspeople were probably super excited to see her die, so they burned her out the stake in 1597 by March. That same year, the King releases a series of books called Demonology to breathe new life into the witch hunts. He needs to win his

audience first of all second of all. He wants to keep killing them witches. He's like, come on you guys, aren't we still mad? Come on. But the witch hunt did not pop off like it once did. Courts throughout Europe decriminalized it. And they realized that maybe witchcraft isn't a reason to burn someone alive. Just a thought. Even though it did fizzle down a bit, people are still accused of witchcraft for hundreds

of years to come. And you're probably wondering, well what happened to King James? Well, he went on to be fine. He lived a very long life and even went on to write for the Bible or something. Yeah, that King James. But don't worry, America was like, wait, let me see that MM book. Can I copy those notes? And that's what inspired the Salem Witch Trials, baby. Our turn.

Yay! Who's first? Sarah. Come on down, Sarah. Get that little snaggle tooth on over here. Get your little ass over here, Sarah. Come on. So wouldn't we learn here today, friends?

Wow, an endowed blame woman. Seems to be the common theme. I mean, the witch hunt was just a war on women. Let's be real. The media still does this today. It's easy to pile on someone just because a bunch of people say that they're bad. It can happen to anyone.

And maybe we should take a little lesson from that town and if I could say the damn town in Spain, they own their fucked up history as a reminder to the people for it to never happen again. I mean, if you think about it, if we had been alive just a couple hundred years ago, there is a pretty good chance we might have been accused of witchcraft. I know I would. You know, I definitely would have been burned at stake. For something as dumb as like walking alone or having a weird mole or disagreeing with a man. So in a way, I guess we're all witches and be proud. Go ride that, go backwards.

Go steal a man's penis in the night. I mean, if anyone's got the mark of the devil, it's definitely me with all my tattoos, right? I actually do have this one weird mark. Let me show you. I have to remove my pants for it. Hold on. Thank you for learning with me today. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. I'd love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story, so make sure to use the hashtag Dark History so I can follow along. Yay! Join me over on my YouTube or you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs, and while you're there, also catch murder, mystery, and makeup. I hope you have a great day today. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye! I hope you have a great day today. You make good choices and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye.

Dark History is an audio boom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Kimberly Jacobs, Junior McNeely from Three Arts, Kevin Grush, and Claire Turner from Made in Network. Writers, Katie Burris, Alison Filoboz, Joey Skaluso, and me, Bailey Sarian. Shot and edited by Tafadzwa Nemarundwe, Alesson Filoboz, Joey's Gluzzo, and me, Bailey Sarian.

Shot and edited by Tafadzwa Nimmeruandwe, and Lily Young. Research provided by Regina Dolezza, special thank you to our experts, Steven Intermill, with the Buckland Museum of Witchcraft and Magic. And I'm your host, Bailey Sarian.