Dark History - 67: A Very Krampus Christmas: The Dark Spirits of Christmas Past

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

Welcome to the Dark History podcast. Is there anything as cozy as a Christmas tree? When you look at it, what do you think of? Family, holidays, presents, hot coco, singing carols, good times etc etc. But have you ever looked at a Christmas tree and thought about chopped off d**k? Because it turns out you should. In today’s episode, we get into the dark history of four of our favorite holiday traditions: Christmas Trees, Gingerbread, Christmas Cards, and Krampus. And trust me when I tell you, some of this info really jingled my bells.  Episode Advertisers Include: Rocket Money. Learn more during the podcast about special offers!

Hi friends, I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian and I like to welcome you to my Christmas study and also to my podcast dark history. This, my friends, is a chance to tell the story like it is. And to just share the history of stuff we would never think about, right? So all I need you to do is sit back, relax, and let me just ramble on about that hot juicy history gas. Okay, so if you're watching this on YouTube, then you can see the visuals. If you're listening to this on the podcast, let me describe in great detail what's going on.

It's a Christmas explosion in here and it is fantastic. I'm currently sitting on the floor and I love every minute of it. It's so exciting. I don't even want to film this episode because I just want to take a little nap. Okay, great. Anyways, so today is our holiday episode. Our meaning me, Paul and Joan, sorry, Joan, I forgot your name for a second there. But let me just say right off the bat, yes, we have lots of holidays other than Christmas. And like our holiday episode in our last season, we're going to focus on the surprising odd and like shocking

stories behind some of the very popular Christmas traditions. So I just don't want you to think that we're ignoring all the other holidays. We're just focusing on on the Christmas BS. But you'll see it's kind of like giggles for everyone. We can all laugh at how dark it all is. Anyways, so some of you know, the Christmas traditions that we all participate in are, you know, they're pretty interesting. We

all got something going on, right? Let me ask you, do any of you guys go off and have a Christmas tree theme? I love these people. I know some people, they do like the monochromatic pink trees or like, they have a theme, right? Love it, I love the dedication, lights, ornaments, it's all matches. And then there are other people who like to flock their tree.

Yeah, if you're not from America, listen to this. It's hilarious. Some of us don't get snow, so we like get this kind of chemical that we spray on our trees. So it looks like snow, it's wild, it's wild concept. But one of my personal favorite trees growing up, because listen to this, we had a theme as it, when I was a kid, we did a beanie baby Christmas tree. Yep, beanie babies. We put them all up in the tree, and that was our theme.

So it was, yeah, we decorated that thing from top to bottom and beanie babies. I love that tree, and my whole family went off, off with it. So then I started googling like, I don't know, what are some other fun Christmas tree ideas in holiday traditions or whatever, you know? And of course, it didn't take long

for it to take like a real sharp left into, I don't know, stories about chopped off penises and a cheating husband, a demon goat. And honestly, it was very creepy. The overall theme was child abuse. From Christmas, I know. Let me tell you, buckle in.

Get comfortable because it turns out Christmas is pretty dark. That's why we're here. Let's jump right in with probably the most iconic Christmas decoration. The Christmas tree. Don't get me wrong. I love a Christmas tree. But sometimes when you really think about it, it's kind of a little weird. I mean, every year we, the people, we chop down tons of trees, like little tree killers, and we drag them right into our

living rooms. And you know, why? The, why is a tree here? It's a little, what are we doing? You know? And then we like, lamb them up. We, we put the litter and lights and put a little skirt on her and get her already for the big night. Christmas. The next morning, the tree does a little, some of you are wild out there and make the tree do a little walk of shame. And this poor tree gets tossed right out. I mean, the least you could do is keep her around a while, make her breakfast, maybe pat her on the back before you kick her to the curb, herping the tree. And then the streets are always covered with little tree corpses until eventually they get hauled away. It's a little spooky when you think about it, you know. So uh,

got me thinking where did this tradition come from, right? It's a really fun story. I'm wearing a cape. Like, who do I think I am? Batman? Is Batman have a cape? Okay, yeah. So, Trees, get back to it. This tradition goes all the way back to ancient Rome. Now, the Romans had this very important goddess named Sible and to some people she was the goddess of harvest, fertility, the mountains, the wild, just all of nature, okay? But she was essentially in charge of a lot. very big deal. I mean, she even had her own little cults fall away. They were called the civilian cult, and they were all about worshiping nature or showing civil appreciation for giving them bountiful crops. So it appealed to the everyday person. I mean, like the farmers, especially, but the most important part was that they believed she had the gift to give her loyal followers ever lasting life or immortality.

Now, the legend goes that Cibal had a lover. His name was Addis. Now, some people say that Addis was her son, but let's keep it simple and ignore the potential incest and just say it was her lover, okay? So Addis ends up cheating on Sybil with a mortal, a human normal being, okay, which is apparently a big no-no in the God Goddess community. And then guess what? To make matters worse, he decides

to end up marrying this mortal. So I mean, talk about a slap in the face of Sybil. She's like, who the hell cheats on a goddess, right? What is this mortal going to offer you, bread? Well, Addis and this mortal are in love and they decide they are going to get married. So when it came to their wedding day, they're up there doing their vows or whatever it is that they're doing. And they're about to tie the knot when boom shakalaka who comes knocking, knocking down those doors. It's civil, okay? She ends up crashing their wedding because she's pissed off. He's marrying a mortal, you know, he's supposed to be with her. So everyone at the wedding is like, oh my god, like, oh, grab in their popcorn, like it's going down, there's boppy fight. And then Addis turns into the runaway bride

and ends up taking off, running, leaving his soon-to-be wife and his previous lover slash mother to deal with his mess. Turns out he was a cheater and also a coward. And girl, it sounds like both of them dodged a bullet, honestly right. To today's story, Addis runs and runs and runs all the way into the mountains. And according to this legend, he starts to go crazy. Cibble is inside of his head, doing her goddess magic, messing with his thoughts and his feelings and everything. But then it just goes a little too far.

I mean, I guess he goes so crazy that he ends up losing his mind to the point that he chops off his own dick. For reasons unknown. Okay, nobody really knows what was that about, okay? So I guess he figures he has nothing else to live for. He doesn't have his wife or his lover. He doesn't have his penis. What does he have?

So he takes his own life under a pine tree. Yeah, kind of extreme, right? So the story continues. I guess, Sybil ends up looking for him. She's looking, looking, looking. She finds him, but he's dead. Oh, she is heartbroken. She is devastated.

She didn't think the mind games that she was playing with him would lead to him actually killing himself. So she does the only thing that she can do, which is to take his dead spirit and then put it into a tree so it can come to life again. Just go with me on this, I know it doesn't make sense, but this is the belief, okay? So she puts him in a pine tree, his spirit, so she can have some form of him, her lover. So for the civilian cult,

this pine tree symbolizes everlasting life, you know, like when you hear a tree is evergreen, like always green forever, until the end of time, it's giving corn episode vibes. And to celebrate this, they had a festival where they would cut down a pine tree, and then they dragged the tree into the temple for a big banquet. This was all to reenact the chopping of Addis's penis. Yeah. And it got a little dark because after the

banquet, they would have something then called the Day of Blood. And on this day, people who worshiped Sybil would have to prove their loyalty to her by chopping off their own balls and offering them to the goddess. Yeah. Okay, so I mean, when you kind of think about it and you dissect everything, it's kind of like, oh, is this where the whole idea of gift giving comes from like here, have a package.

You know, when you think about it, yeah, trees are kind of like penises, you know. We all like to compare who's got the biggest one and the best one. But then the tradition of chopping down a pine tree and dragging it into the house and using it as decoration then bleeds into other European cultures. And it gets even bigger in Germany where it officially becomes a winter tradition. With the Germans, they had a little bit of their own flavor to the Christmas tree.

They had something called decorations. Oh yes, they do. Popular items were cough drops, sweets, and eggs, and I was wondering, you know, I'm laughing because the cough drop situation in eggs, I don't know. I was wondering like, well what possessed them to decorate the tree in the first place? And to them it was a symbol of light and life in the midst of the cold, dark winter, which is actually quite beautiful. And I'm sure you've seen those pictures and old movies

where they have candles on the tree. It's adding, well, to them, it was a belief in adding light to the dark winters. But we all know that sketchy ass is how, like, hello, that was a firehouse or like, go ahead, burn your house down, that's on you. But they didn't care. I mean, I'm sure they did, but you know, it's just different times. But friends, the prize for most interesting tree decoration goes to a little group called

the Society of Bachelors in York. They actually decorated their Christmas tree with a possum fur. Yeah, they did it in like 1823. So they used possum fur to like add decoration to their tree. Super festive, right? Love that for them. Okay. But, you know who came in and really made the Christmas tree a thing? Well, it was Miss Queen Victoria,

who was a huge fan of the Christmas tree. You see Queen Victoria's mother, she was German, so she grew up with the tradition of the Christmas tree. You see, Queen Victoria's mother, she was German, so she grew up with the tradition of decorating the tree. And she loved the tradition so much when she became queen in 1838. She dragged her own tree into the Buckingham Palace for Christmas that year. You know, the Brits, they loved Queen Vicki.

I mean, remember the wedding episode we did, and she made the white wedding dress a thing. Like she's the one that started that. And whatever she did, everybody else wanted to do. So when they saw her getting a tree, everybody got their own tree. I don't even know they didn't know what they're doing. They're just like, she's doing it, so we're doing it.

So eventually it trickles on over to America. And I mean, even though the German settlers in America had been trying to make the Christmas tree a thing, most people still saw the tradition as honestly a little weird, okay? They're like, that's a weird old pagan ritual. We don't do that here. And then in 1883, an article in the New York Times actually called Christmas trees, quote, a rootless and lifeless corpse. I mean, they're not wrong. So, you know, but Americans have always fanned, girled over whatever the royal family does. So once they saw the queen being

pro Christmas tree, they were like, you guys, the queens doing it. So like, we need to, we need to get on it. And soon enough, everyone was putting up Christmas frames in their homes as well. And America loves money. So when there's an opportunity for money to be made, you best believe that we're gonna hop on that train. For example, there's a company called Wool Wool, Wool, Worths.

They became the very first American department store to get into selling ornaments. I mean, this was huge because before this people were just decorating their trees with whatever they had laying around. I mean, sometimes just the cough drops you were sucking on, they were like, spit it on the tree. But now, for the first time ever, you could actually have like really pretty stylized, unique, beautiful trees. So everyone gets sucked into the Christmas tree trend and by 1890, there's one company who was selling 25 million dollars in ornaments every year. And most of us have all forgotten by now about

Addis, his penis, and his tree body. But not you and me, right? A common theme we learned here is that a lot of Christmas traditions here have a lot to do with mutilation, cannibalism, and death, which leads me to the gingerbread man. And now it's time to learn the story behind gingerbread men and why we are so excitedly ripping them apart and eating their delicious bodies. You monster! So maybe you're familiar with the creepy story of Hansel and Gretel? Well if you're not, it's story about like this evil

witch who lives in the forest and she builds a creepy cottage out of gingerbread so she could lure the little kids inside her home where then the witch would cook and eat them. Base off a true story. Nah, I'm just kidding. I think it's fake. I'm not really sure. But that's just the beginning of the gingerbread story. Gingerbread seems to be surrounded by darkness.

For a long time, gingerbread was actually banned because it was considered demonic. Gingerbread was connected to the pagan holiday that inspired the celebration of Christmas, and this was called Saturnalia, which we talked about in our season one Christmas episode, you know, caroling, people raging in the street, so it was a good time.

This event was meant to honor another god. I'm not sure why all these gods always want bodies, but they did. And it was said that people would eat gingerbread cookies shaped like men to symbolize a human sacrifice to the god Saturn, which honestly is a little bit better than eating actual people. So I'll give them that.

But think of the gingerbread man as like an edible voodoo doll. You know, it's kind of cute. The first stop on gingerbread's journey to becoming the official girl of Christmas was at medieval fairs and festivals all across Europe. I know, I thought those medieval fairs were all turkey legs and beer and tits,

but no, gingerbread. Gingerbread at this time was in a cake version, and it was super popular because of the fair, you could get shaped like flowers or birds or animals. In the Middle Ages, they believed that eating gingerbread was actually a good look. They'd give a hunk of gingerbread to knights who were riding out to battle.

It was also used for luck and love. Like if you were a young girl desperate to get married, they would tell the girls like just eat some gingerbread and wish really hard and maybe the man of your dream will show up. And I mean allegedly that would increase your chances of finding a man. So eat some gingerbread, wish really hard about a hot guy

and let me know how that works out. It might work, I don't know. There you know, they might be down to something there. Okay. Well, listen. Let me fix my socks. People, you know, back in the medieval days, listen. Let me tell you, listen, listen.

Oh, no. I know you're thinking people back then must like in the medieval days, they were eating all sorts of trash food, right? I mean think about it. They were eating like they're plowing through roast pigs Meat pies gallons of wine. I don't think they drink any water and then you know Imagine if you're eating all that guess what's gonna happen? You're getting a little tummy ache aren't you? right Well back then and these olden days they actually gave people gingerbread I guess what's gonna happen? You can get a little tummy ache, aren't ya? Right? Well, back then in these olden days, they actually gave people gingerbread because like it helped with their upset stomach.

Think about it when you're sick, what do you drink? Gingeriel, I know, you tequila, but like gingeriel, it's like the same concept. Okay, so if you're watching over on YouTube, listen, I just need to lay down a minute, okay? Listen, gingerbread, same concept, and there was an extra benefit. Gingerbread was also served at the end of the meal

to help with everyone's bad breath. Now, ain't that something? I mean, they probably didn't have the best. Breath back then, I mean, were they brushing their teeth? We should do a dark history on like, gentle hygiene. I want to know what was going on, because people had wooden teeth back then, anyways. So, yeah, if you had bad breath, gingerbread.

Besides being good luck, serving real gingerbread at your dinner party was the ultimate flex. Oh yeah, it was a way to show everyone that you were rich because like back then spices were really expensive and very hard to come by and gingerbread back then, I don't know if it still does, but it contains a ton of spices. So if you serve gingerbread at your dinner party, it was like, oh, you know, like this, she's got mine burned. And then, you know, everyone would be talking like, did you, did you see how Linda's party

she served gingerbread? Who does she think she is? That little spoiled bitch. I hate her. But I think the shadiest and best use of the gingerbread actually came from Queen Elizabeth the first. Queen Elizabeth's rule in the late 1500s brought England a lot of drama. She was known for many things, especially her love of fielta. It was said that she was a little bit too dramatic herself. Some even called her short tempered. She was a big re-gifter. And if she re-gifted you,

I guess it was like, you messed up. But the worst, the worst thing you could do is end up as one of Queen Elizabeth's gingerbread men. Yes! I love her for this because people say gingerbread men started with Queen Elizabeth. Now, Queen Elizabeth, she never got married. Allegedly, she was very picky. Every time she brought in a new male suitor, they always thought that they were going to be like the one, the one to lock her down and become the king. But Elizabeth, she didn't care. Look, if you became one of her suitors, you had another thing come. I guess like Queen Elizabeth, she would

commission gingerbread cookies to be made into the shape of each one of her suitors who were trying to get in her girdle. She would even have these gingerbread cookies decorate with icing and candy to actually look like these men. Then she'd have these men in her guest over for dinner and she'd serve gingerbread versions of the men to the men, which is funny. I wonder if they knew, probably. After everyone was settled in and like sitting down, she'd make the suitors eat the gingerbread version of themselves. And I guess, like, if she made you eat yourself, it was bad news. It was essentially her way of saying that you've been rejected. Sorry pal, better luck next time.

Thankfully during this time, a less spiced, less boozy version of Gingerbread became available to the everyday person. But it was still only meant to be eaten on special occasions like Christmas. Guess who makes it popular? Queen Victoria, once again, welcome back to the story, girl. She would serve little nipples of gingerbread to her beloved dogs at Christmas, and her husband would also dress up as Santa and hand out gingerbread on Christmas Day. Yeah, that's cute. So there's a lot of twists and turns in the story of gingerbread, but you don't know how to twist it until you hear the insanity behind your Christmas tradition that grandma absolutely loves holiday cards.

I can't count the number of spammy meals I get in a day. I come talking, sales, right? There's always a sale going on. LinkedIn, the IRS, it's all noise. Like don't even get me started on spam texts. How violating. How many of those do you get a day? Something's up.

What's going on? It's annoying. I don't trust it. Anyway, it got me thinking like, remember how exciting it was when you would get a letter in the mail? A handwritten letter? It was such a fun and exciting thing.

And if you haven't received one, that's sad. I hope you get one. I'll write you. So I feel like the only time it's still fun or exciting is around the holidays. I love getting holiday cards. Give me all the family dog pictures. You can fit on that thing and like, oh, if you write in cursive, wow, cursive, I am blown away by your beautiful handwriting. But, you know, how this tradition of sending cards around the holidays even even start.

Like, who's the first person to do this? And why? So we started snooping around and surprise, surprise. Even something as innocent as like a holiday card has a really weird backstory. Color me shocked. So it's the mid 1800s and we're in the thick of the Victorian era and back to Queen Victoria. And again, oh, I lost a meal. It's okay. She loved Christmas. And England at this, and that's the Niels. Okay, she loved Christmas. And England at this time was just schmokin' it. They were the envy of the world.

But it wasn't all lollipops and grab an ass. I mean, society was very conservative. We talked about it here millions of times. Very conservative. They were acting like sex didn't exist. Even though STs were a very big problem. But it's at this time that an Englishman invents the very first Christmas card. Let me introduce you to Sir Henry Cole.

He was an inventor, an educator, and an overall well-known person in English society. He knew people and people knew him. And let me tell you that man had a look. He kind of looks like Ben Franklin and Albert Einstein had a baby, just crazy hair, thick gut, kind of awmish-looking, white, ginger-strap beard. And being the socialite that Sir Henry was,

he was quite a busy bee. People were writing him notes all the time. And in 1840, the royal male made sending a letter very, very cheap. They ended up dropping the price to just a penny. Then Christmas time rolls around and Henry starts to see a pile of letters for him just growing and growing. He's got no time. He's a pissing man, right? But he doesn't want to be rude. After all, this is the Victorian era. And you don't dare leave anyone on red. So he's like, yeah, I got to get back to all these people, but like my wrist hurts,

I would do it on a time. That's when he has a light bulb moment. He grabs a piece of cardboard, gets some scissors, and he cuts the cardboard into about five inches by three inches, essentially making a postcard. In the middle, Henry gets an illustrator who draws a nice little Christmas scene and he hand paints it and beneath that Henry writes a greeting that says, a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you. Now, there's the genius part.

As we all know, postcards, pretty small, especially after there's been like a big festive Christmas painting in the middle of it. So Henry writes two and from on it, and he really only had to write the person's name he was sending it to. Like he didn't even have to write a personal message because it was already on there. So he kind of creates his prototype and he's like, dude, this is sick. This is sick and I need to like send this out to everybody. So he goes over to a printer place.

He orders 1,000 versions of this very design. Once he gets his prints back, he is just like writing and responding to people left and right sending out these cards. Sure enough, when he's all done, he has some cards left over and he's like, you know what? I bet you people would probably be into this. This whole idea, right? I bet they would love this. So that's when he gets into now selling these for one shilling a piece, which is about like six cents today, and they were a hit. People were buying them up. But with great success, sometimes also great controversy can come along with it, right? The hand-painted drawing on Henry's Christmas cards made religious people a little upset

because it featured like a large family seated around a table, smiling and toasting to a new year which sounds totally fine. But here's the thing, everyone at the table was holding wine, including the children at the table. So that was like, scandalous. People started complaining. They're like, oh my God, this is promoting losing face

on Christmas. How dare ye? Imagine if they saw how America celebrates it today. So right from the very start, and when people are criticizing Christmas cards. And honestly, like, complainers have been around for centuries, so it's like, nothing. Are we surprised? People will always find something to be upset about. It was a painting. It wasn't

even like it was real people, you know, like, my god, calm down. They're just mad because they didn't get a Christmas card, I'm sure. By the 1860s and 70s, the cost to send a letter dropped even more, and people could print dozens of Christmas cards for just a few pennies. So hundreds of Christmas card manufacturers start popping up in Europe. And now these cards don't have Santa or kids sledding on them. People came up with some crazy shit to put on these things. So one popular theme that they put on Christmas cards that you would see time and time again was like dead birds.

Sorry, Joan, I know it's kind of tragic, but I don't know why. I guess some say it symbolized like how hard it was to survive in the winter as a poor person. And then at some point it just kind of feels like the artist just decided to drop acid and draw images you'd normally see on the walls of the haunted house. One Christmas card featured a horrified child trying to climb out of a teapot full of boiling water. The child is holding a sign that says, a Christmas greeting with love, but he's about to be cooked. So it's a little confusing. Then there's another card that I saw online that shows a dead frog on its back. It's funny actually. It's not, but like Merry Christmas, you know, and it has a dagger through its heart,

it's blood everywhere. There's another frog running away from the crime scene and he's beholding a bag of money. I don't know, you guys. It was some wild shit. It's just as Merry Christmas. I know, I know, I don't know. I don't know, murder.

Okay, very on brand for me, but I'm very confused. Some cards feature St. Nicholas jamming a child into a sack, like very aggressively. And a personal favorite of mine features a drunk clown whose face looks like it's melting off as he cuts into a holiday pie. Super relatable, honestly. I don't know, I mean, it's wild.

If you, I don't know what the obsession is with hurting children, but it was, that's how the way it was back then. I mean, the parents just hated their kids. Okay. One card shows a giant blood-thirsty polar bear lifting a man in the air and he's about to like rip him into shreds. No Christmas message. Just death. And then another one shows a psychotic rooster eating a turtle's tail. Wow, the turtle chomps on the neck of a duck. That seems to be screaming out in pain, swishing people, a hearty Christmas with good digestion. It's kind of funny. So things in Europe are a bit all over the place, but it worked for them, you know? They leaned into the dark humor, I think. I'm not sure. But it would take one man to bring the whole Christmas car thing to the United States. So Christmas

cars filing make it to the US in 1875 thanks to a Polish immigrant named Louis Prang, and he ran his own printing shop in Boston. And he was feeling inspired by the Christmas cards he saw taking off in Europe. So he decided to give it a whirl here in the States, you know. Again, since he had his own printing shop, he decided, hey, I could just like make my own versions and just print them. But his approach was a little different. He was going to leave out all the death and destruction on his cards. You know, it's just a little too much for the Americans. So Louis' cards were more subtle and more tasteful. They would feature nice painting of some roses and it would say like Merry Christmas. Very opposite of what they were doing in Europe. And people loved his cards. And by 1881 he was

printing five million Christmas cards a year. So Louis became known as the father of the American Christmas card. But again, seen here, when people seem money being made, guess what happens? People won in, and in 1915, a rival swooped right in, changing the format of the Christmas card from a flat, you know, two-sided-like postcard-looking thing to the classic bolted card style that we all know today. And this little printing company that came in and swooped,

swooped everyone up, they be Hallmark. Yeah, the company was hallmark. Who won that little holiday card war? Huh, now they just own Christmas while he's garbage movies. They're not garbage. Well, I mean, yeah. Today, Americans send about 1.6 billion Christmas cards a year. I mean, at the end of the day, I guess nothing really beats a handwritten note. But I would like to make one request to the good people over at Homework. Please bring back the more written cards from the 1800s year up.

It's a true classic Christmas card. Thank you so much. My last story has to do with someone so terrifying that the church has tried to ban him for society for centuries, someone who has been called the evil Santa. That's right, baby, I'm talking about Cranpus. And no, it has nothing to do with your period, because I thought the same thing. Long ago, for Christmas, it was even a thing. Across the sea over in Germany, lived the son of the underworld who went by the name of Krampins, which translates to the Klaa! The Klaa!

The Klaa! I just want to nail it, you know. The Klaa! So, sorry? Legend has it that Krampins, aka Krampins, is a tall half goat half demon half man If the math adds up right that should make sense. So he's got the body shape of a man Please covered in go for oh yeah, go for he's got a tail. He's got some moves Who's he's also known for his gigantic horns that stick out of the top of his head. And it's a long, pointy, demon tongue. I know, I know, I know. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, that's a sleigh, I want to ride.

That's a ride I want to sleigh. That's a tongue I want to ride. I don't know, I figured out. But you know what I'm trying to say? Because I was like, what? Okay, so Krampus. You know, who was this guy? Legend has it that Krampus would tag along with Santa when he would take off first Christmas journey to deliver

toys to children. And while Santa was in the house, just, you know, eating the snacks and the milk and all the goods, dropping off presents for the good kids, Krampus would sneak into the house for the good kids. Cranpas would sneak into the house to deal with the naughty children. The story says that Cranpas beat the naughty children with tree branches. Wow, I know, sharp left. He just threw a beat the children. naughty children specifically with tree branches. He would stoff them in a sack, and then he would take the children off somewhere to be tortured, or even eaten. Whoa, I know. He would just straight up make them disappear.

I'm sure some parents didn't mind it. And he was actually featured in a lot of those freaky holiday cards I've mentioned. On the card, he's always looming over a couple of scared kids about to like snatch him up or eat them, or beat them or whatever the hell he's always looming over a couple of scared kids about to like snatch him up or eat them or beat them or whatever the hell is doing. But honestly, I was like, wow, that's a great way to really scare kids into listening to you. Like, you hear that Henry? If you don't eat your broccoli, Krampus is going to beat you with some sticks. Right? I would behave.

What is he's going to beat with sticks? What the fuck? So it was a way to really keep your kids in check. I mean, say one to Hansel and Gretel, same with everything. I mean, they, again, they just hated their kids. Okay, they hated them. I don't know. It's probably why our grandparents were so fucked up,

you know, makes sense now. Makes sense. Anyways, Cranpas wasn't just about scaring kids. I mean, there's lots of adults who love Krampus. You know, they just enjoy celebrating the pagan ritual and celebrating their own Christmas. And a lot of them are like, just let me celebrate Krampus.

It's not hurting anybody except for all the kids traumatizing, but still. You know, but the church was not okay with this. And in the 12th century, the Catholic church, they tried really hard to banish crampus celebrations because he looked too much like the devil. I mean, it makes sense.

He was the son of the underworld. They weren't really wrong, but they failed. I mean, we all know when you tell someone they can't do something, it's just gonna make them wanna do it even more. So people continued celebrating crampus. I mean, even to this day, and campus has been having kind of like come back lately, I think for a while really. There's been movies about him, there's been lots of stuff about campus. And some buzz kills in Europe have still been trying to get campus celebrations banned

for years. And we'll probably continue forever because to them, it reminds them of the devil, and people just want to turn their eyes to Jesus and ignore everything else, you know? So where's Krampus today? Well, people in Austria and other parts of Europe they still celebrate him, and the celebration sound wild. First of all, people get really drunk, which is great. Then they put on first suits,

because Krampus was like half-goat, half-man. A lot of them paint their faces to look all demonic. They also carry a lot of things. get really drunk, which is great. Then they put on for suits because, you know, Cranpas was like half goat half man. A lot of them paint their faces to look all demonic. They also carry around wooden mask that look like Cranpas and it's kind of like a mask grade ball but way more creepy and stuff, but fun. Then they put cowbells around their neck and they'll chase people around town, just scaring them.

And I love it. It's just like a whole commitment to the Cranpas thing and it sounds fun. No gifts though, huh? just scaring them. And I love it. It's just like a whole commitment to the crampus thing. And it sounds fun. No gifts though, huh? Just scaring us. I love it. Look, if you celebrate this holiday, send me an e-vite.

I'm gonna come to a crampus party. Shoot me an email over at 69HotChickUnderScore69AtHotMail.com. And I'll respond to your e-vite. I'll come to your crampus party. I want that sleigh ride. So to these cultures, I've been Krampus is actually more lovable. I mean, he's a part of their culture. I mean, you can't appreciate the sun shine without the rain. Am I right? They sell little chocolate Krampus and Santa Giftsets and collectible horns.

I need to live here. Good for them. I think a lot of us would probably pierce if you just randomly showed up there. And you saw someone dress as a demon goat coming after you. And you them. I think a lot of us would probably pier pants if you just randomly showed up there. And you saw someone dressed as a demon goat coming after you. You know, like we'd probably die. But I think it's really nice that these celebrations make people happy. And that's all that matters, right, during the holidays?

To be happy with the people you love around you. So the legend of Krampus lives on. I mean, he's still around today. I mean, don't love around you. So the legend of Krampus lives on. I mean, he's still around today. I mean, don't look behind you. Look, I would say bust out the Krampus situation and start scaring your kids again. Because I see them at misbehaving in the stores, running a muck.

Yeah, you call Antibaly over, and I'll scare the children with my Krampus story. Thank you, Barreless and cheer mother. Or you're gonna get beat with a stick from a demon, demon child, a human baby, you go. Crampus. Mm-hmm. Here in America, we're boring.

We don't like the morbid stuff. It's so boring. We don't like crampus. We have Elf on our shelf. Like, what is he even, Joe? He's watching you, and then what? Moves around? Cool. If you really want to scare your kids into acting right, tell them about Krampus. Tell them what happens if that child misbehave.

So, if you're alone this holiday season, maybe feeling a little down, remember that everything we do for Christmas really has nothing to do with family. It's all about a cheating man, child abuse, and demon goats. So Merry Christmas and happy holidays. You filthy animals. And most of all, I hope you have a happy new year.

Well, if you're one, thank you for learning with me today. What'd you learn? Mm-hmm, me too, same. Remember, don't be afraid to ask questions to get the whole story because you deserve that. I'd love to hear your guys' reactions to today's story, so over on social media, don't forget to use the hashtag dark history so I can follow along. Invite me to your campus party, goddamnit. Join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast, and while you're there, don't forget to stop on by and catch my murder mystery and makeup, because it's always a good time. I hope you have a great rest of your day, you make good choices,

and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye! Dark History is an audio boom original. This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian, Junior McNeely from Three Arts, Kevin Grush, and Claire Turner from Made in Network. Writers, Katie Burrers, Alison Filoboas, Joey Skaluso, and me, Bailey Sarian. Shot and edited by Tafad Swah, Nimmerundway, and Hannah Bacher. Research provided by the Dark History Researcher team, a special thanks to our expert, Penny Rested, and I'm your host, Crampin! I'm just kidding, it's me, it's Bailey.

Do they get you? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! You got me! Crampin got me!

And scene. and seen.