Dark History - 98: Branches of Government: Prison Over Pizza Leftovers? Who’s Really Making Our Laws? | Dark History With Bailey Sarian

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

Welcome to the Dark History podcast. This all began because someone stole my pizza from the work fridge- you guys know the feeling, and I just wanted to make that ILLEGAL! So I did a little digging on how laws are actually made, and it turns out there’s some dirty, dirty goss on the branches of government. We’re talking elite dating apps, arguing with your cranky uncle at Thanksgiving, and 13,000 lb doors, so stay tuned for this one. Episode Advertisers Include: HelloFresh, Apostrophe, & Audible. Learn more during the podcast about special offers!

Something terrible happened to me recently. It was really bad you guys like someone stole one of the most important things in my life Right out from under me. Yeah, someone stole We left over pizza But it was the one that I was saving because I was gonna take it to lunch in the next day and I was looking forward to it They took it with no shame. Hello, I was upset and I know some of you can relate at home Because you're coming home and you're whining that leftover and guess what? It's gone. The leftover theft is a serious problem in this country and it seems like every year it's

getting worse. So I asked myself, Bailey, what would happen if I tried to get a law passed about this? And how the hell do you get a law passed in the first place, huh? Well friends, I f***ed around and I found out. And along the way, I learned a lot about this country, specifically how the branches of our government work. And I'm excited because I learned some things and they're quite interesting, and I want to share them with you till let's go. Hi friends, I hope you're having a wonderful day today. My name is Bailey Sarian and I'd like to welcome you to my podcast, Dark History.

Hi! How's it going? Great! Now if you're new here, this is a chance to learn the history about stuff that for some reason we're not in our school books. You know, maybe the stuff that they left out for some kind of reason, I don't know. But we're gonna find out together.

Me and you, we're gonna learn. You know, let's do it. Holds my hand. We're gonna learn. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and let's talk about that hot, juicy history. God. So when I was learning about the founding fathers

for the last episode, I had an honest realization, you know, like, I don't remember learning about how our government actually functions. I remember being really confusing. I knew that. Like, there's branches, has to do with like a tree, some like that. And I know there's someone who does checks and balances,

but I, you know, I don't know. So I do know that someone balances these checks out I'm speaking about, and like usually there's one person in charge of all of it, I think. But I never really think about like any of this until it's time to vote, really, right? But I mean, all of it's so, it's time to vote really right? But I mean all of it's so it's so complicated you know and it's like why are they trying to confuse us? And I think the

answer is yes really. There are so many different moving parts this giant machine that is our government and it's crazy that we're like every four years we are supposed to pick the people who will run it best right? It's kind of like getting on an airplane and being told that you have to vote for who the captain should be, right? Like, first of all, step one, do I know how a plane works, so then how do I pick a captain? You know, are we just guessing? Is it a raffle?

So friends, today we're going to figure out how the government works. Once upon a time, the founding fathers created the Constitution in 1787 and that's 11 years after the colonies of America said, screw you England. Boo! We don't want tea, we want cocaine in our syrup, and declared independence from Great Britain. So the Constitution was essentially like a list of laws that set the boundaries for young America. It's kind of similar to the 10 Commandments. Now a lot of people think the Constitution is untouchable, but I found out that our founding fathers actually believe

these laws should be rewritten once every 20 years to reflect how society naturally changes over time. And it's like, oh, wow, really? That's sick. That makes sense, right? Duh. So maybe they'd update it to where it makes sense now, like put your fucking blinker on.

That should be in the constitution. It's not that hard. It helps all of us. First of all, it says something about bearing arms, right? Bear arms. How do we know they didn't mean literal bears? Oh, suck. right, bear arms, but how do we know they didn't mean literal bears? Suck. Vulp for me, literal bears.

Anyway, the Constitution established the most important parts of our government, the three branches, separation of powers, as well as checks and balances. Don't leave me, okay? I know. It's already getting boring, but let me tell you. You're probably wondering, like, why are there multiple branches, right? Well, that's where the separation of powers and checks and balances comes in. The founding fathers wanted to make sure that one branch wouldn't be more powerful than the other,

and, you know, maybe start running the show, calling the shots. It's the same reason why I have Joan and Paul here. They keep me humble or something. You should say about Joan. She looks good. Are you a judge? What are you judging? You're making laws?

And I'm tired too. Oh, Paul, are you a judge? Yeah, I know. It's cold in here. So think back to when your high school football captain decided to run for president of student council, okay, and he's promising all sorts of stuff. Like, I'm gonna put then new machines

on every corner of the school, and Homer's gonna disappear. Oh, and everyone gets laid on Friday. You know, they're making all these wild claims. Everyone's going wild, tits are flying, and then guess what? They elect him, and then what happens? Nothing, you never hear about it again.

Like, what's the whole point? You know, none of those things can happen without the school board and the principal giving the green light and allowing it. So it never happens, right? Okay, so that little scenario I just painted you is like how our checks and balances within our government work.

Just think of that, okay? Laws are like the skeleton of America and the checks and balances are the body, body, that keeps everything together. Oh, that's, I like that, you know? And I figured the best way to learn about the government, like how it all works would be to pass a law. People have been making and passing laws in America

for hundreds of years. And I mean, it's our right as an American citizen to know how to pass one. Right? Shouldn't we all know? So, Bailey, Joan, Paul, how the hell do you pass a law? Crickets. OK, so I wanted to create a law because something happened to me a while ago and it was awful.

It was terrible. OK, so one night I ordered this really good pizza. I treated myself. I plan the whole night. I put on my fuzzy socks, my big comfy t-shirt, a pair of, I don't know what I was wearing, just imagine whatever fantasy you want. I was wearing it.

I sat my ass on my couch and I turned on quarters and I ordered myself a delicious pizza. I was in for the night, bitch. The crust, mm, buttery, soft, crunchy, but still doughy, uh, pepperoni, don't even get me started, it was dripping all over. It was dripping all over. And you know, in the end, I was sad

because I couldn't finish it, but I was like, you know what, I'm gonna save this and eat it for tomorrow. And I think I knew tomorrow it was gonna be a good day because I was gonna have that and eat it for tomorrow. And I think I knew tomorrow was gonna be a good day because I was gonna have that good-ass pizza. So then I go to bed, right? The next morning, I grabbed the leftovers. I bring it to work, which is at the time,

at an electronic store that I won't mention, but it sounds like Hes-Hi. I put the pizza in the breakfast room, fridge. And I'm like, okay, I'm coming back for you. Can't wait 12.30 bitch. Lunch time, me and you babe, I made a date. Close it. Boo, lunch time comes around.

Bebop boop, clock out. Go to the break room. Open the fridge, guess what? Guess what? My pizza was gone, it was gone. Someone like literally out here with no manners just ate my food Yeah, I first of all shook it to the core right because who does that we're growing up adults

We're well above our 30s now like what is happening? Okay, anyway, so I won't go on I'm still to this day triggered. I just I I So I wrote a no I was like who fucking my pizza! And I put that on the fridge. I'm gonna get fired and listen to another story. So this happened at work and I kinda had my eye on one person specifically. I'm gonna say her name was Reba, okay. And Reba was a type of person who,

she would never tell me the truth. You know, she would never confess. And the more I talked about this issue with people, the more I realize that everyone has either been a reba or a Bailey. What if there was a law around this? You know, because every time you ask around, people have different opinions or answers

as to like who gets the leftovers. It's weird. And usually when people, two people disagree about something, that's where the law comes in to settle it, right? And after all, aren't we all born with the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of day old pizza? This week's episode and dinner on the table is brought to you by HelloFresh.

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and you can save time and money at the store with no food waste. We love that. Plus, you can add snacks, sides at the store with no food waste. We love that. Plus, you can add snacks, sides, and even breakfast to your order to keep your family or you fed all day long. I love HelloFresh because it makes it simple to get a nutritious meal at the end of the day. I can even filter by looking up quick and easy meals to find recipes that take only 15 minutes or less. Thank you. And they have like

40 recipes to choose from every week. So much variety, so many different flavors to choose from. And I love it. I'm always trying something that I've never tried before. That's why I really like HelloFresh. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 50 dark history and use code 5050 dark history for 50% off plus free shipping. That's hellofresh.com slash 50 dark history for 50% off plus free shipping. Hello fresh America's number one meal kit. So I sat down at my desk and I smoked a little bit of the doubles lettuce And I started to think about all of the ends and outs of what would make a good leftover law. I got my feather, what's it called?

Quill, I got my quill. And I tipped it in ink. And I took my chicken nuggets, dipped it in the barbecue sauce. And then got to writing. So first of all, I had to ask myself some questions. Like what counts as leftovers? Can't remember how to spell leftovers. Yeah. Do they become leftovers? The second, they go into

that little box or do they become leftovers in the fridge? Is there a minimum amount of time they need to be in the fridge? And like, does the fridge placement matter? And if it's not my fridge, it's a work fridge. There's a location mat. I had a lot of questions. This is a very nitty gritty issue when I really think about it and you digest it and you break it down. Kind of relatable and understandable. I think we've all like, you know, right? Like we've kind of encountered this on some degree. So this leftover law of ours, we wanted to be a law that is all over the country, not just the state we each live in, right?

A blanket law. So that means we wanna pass what is called a federal law. And in order to do that, this law is going to have to visit every branch of the government. So right off the bat, you don't need to be elected to any office or hold any special degree to propose a law. Anyone can do it.

I don't know if you can, girl. I'll circle back, but anyone can really do it. You're crazy, Uncle, you're neighbor, you're dog. I'm sorry, not your dog. Aunt Barbara, she's dead. Anyways, it kind of feels like a hack that not a lot of us know about, right? But also better if some don't.

Just let them have fun. So the next thing to do is write down our idea for this law. And something I thought that was pretty cool was that it doesn't need to be written out in fancy legal jargon on fancy stationery. It could literally be written by a seven year old on a five guys napkin from like your glove box. Also, guess what? They accept emails too. I know. So now you're like, Bailey, Bailey, whoa, whoa. Calm those tits. How the hell am I supposed to know who my local representative is? I know. Tits calm. I'll tell you,

it's actually really easy to find. All you need to do is go to the House of Representatives website. Their website. You don't have to show up to their house. Okay, you're gonna put in your zip code. Boom. Hit the Enter button. And it's gonna spit out who your local representative is. Yeah, and all of this information is public. So, great. It helps you out.

Now, the main reason you need to involve this representative is because you need them to be what is called a sponsor. And no, no, no, no, no, it's not like HelloFresh. Love you, HelloFresh, but it's not like a HelloFresh sponsor. It's a person who is co-signing on your idea. They're backing you up. They're like, hey, that's great. Sponsor. And getting a sponsor. They're like, hey, that's great. Sponsor.

And getting a sponsor is important because this person joins whatever cause you're going for and they're going to use their own political power to help pretty much get everyone what they need to pass the law. Great. I mean, as Lady Gaga once said, numerous times, there can be 100 people in a room,

and even if 99 don't believe in you, you just need one who does. So if we really wanna up our chances of getting this bill seriously considered, we also want to add someone called a co-sponsor, AKA, you know, someone else to join the cause and use their political power to help us in our law. And a perfect world, this co-sponsor is from the opposite political party.

This show is that, hey, hey everyone, we can all agree that this law should happen. I know, it's like everyone coming together and being like, yeah, same. And it's beautiful. This is what is called a bipartisan issue because everyone cares about the cause. Like, you know, left wing, right wing, don't touch my left over, chicken wing. That's really the greater point here. So at this point, our idea is what's known as a bill.

It's not like a law yet, it's just a bill. So let's say our left our leftovers bill has been sponsored by important people on both sides. Yay. So just like that our sponsors take our leftover bill and present it to Congress. Now Congress is made up of two parts. The House of Representatives and the Senate and all this together gives us our first branch of the government, the legislative branch. Ooh, ah, yeah. And they are the ones who are responsible

for writing laws. This branch exists because of us. I mean, we are the ones that elect them. Yeah, you. The House of Representatives has 435 members. And between them, they represent all 50 states. And every state has a different amount of representatives because it's based on the population of the state they come from. So if you take a big state like California,

Roe Big, Roe Juicy, meaty, has some girth to it. They have 57 representatives, but a state like Alaska has only one. Yeah, they only got one. Either way, all of these representatives are the ones to actually get the leftover bill idea really going. So the first thing they need to do is get that bar napkin, that little idea that was written down on the napkin,

they need to get that to sound more legit. So this is when they actually take that little document and they write it into official government language. You know the language that none of us understand, translators, that's what they really are doing for us. Yeah, so they are sponsored, link some with a bunch of super smart legal people, you know, and they all write it out. And it's literally a different

language. Like per section 40 of the United States civil code subsection 510412c published of such as December readers, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good GERTH. So essentially, our idea of the law is like us. It's kind of like when you're humming a tune, and then the legal nurse, they take that tune that you're humming, and they turn it into like sheet music. It's kind of beautiful when you think about it, so you guys are dancing and beautiful waltz. Okay, look, in the end, all that matters

is that the sheet music, right, comes out beautifully, and that the orchestra can read it. And in this case, the orchestra is Congress. Bitch. Yep, we're making a law. Get in line. So then, our sponsor prints out the leftovers bill, and marches his political ass into the United States Capitol building. Now, quick reminder, the United States Capitol is one of the most iconic buildings in Washington, D.C. It's white with a bunch of columns and has the round talk to it. It kind of looks like an upside down diva cup. So once they get inside with our bill in hand, our sponsor heads into the chamber of secrets. I'm just kidding. It's called the house chamber, but it sounds very BDSM, huh?

I know. All that girth. Now, the house chamber is a giant room in the United States Capitol. There's like royal blue carpet and hundreds of chairs that are organized in a semi-circle, facing the podium where somebody called the speaker of the house is standing. The speaker of the house is kind of like a manager of the store, of a A store, and they call it the shop and they decide what product or bill the group is going to be pushing this week, you know. So our sponsor walks up to the center aisle of the chamber and heads to something called the hopper. The hopper is a cute wooden box hanging off the side of a clerk's desk. Oh, it's honestly like those little payless shoe boxes we'd hang off our desk at school.

Valentine's Day, you remember? And like the Valentine's boxes would be sometimes for some kids, but not all kids. But like the hopper would be packed. Mine was always empty. Oh my god, it was so embarrassing. Ugh, trauma! The men of the sponsor drops the paperwork in. Our bill is on her way to finally being law.

But before that, ah, things are about to get drummed. Tick! Tick! I'm always excited to partner with a postrophy because they always help me bring my best skin to the show, dumb it. I think we all know what it's like to wake up

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and you'll get your first visit for only $5. A big thank you to Poshafi for partnering with me on today's episode and throughout the years. I really appreciate that because my skin looks great. Next, the bill is assigned to something called a committee. And this committee, there's like dozens of representatives from both political parties there. So their whole purpose is to debate the pros and cons of a bill so in this Specific case most likely it would probably go to something like the committee of agriculture the agriculture committee

Holds hearing some most bills that are food related so So the leftovers bill is like right up their alley. So that's why the leftovers bill would make sense here. Great. So they decide, should it move forward, should it be adjusted, or should the bill die? Like it's cost-efficient, but you're right of it. Now this is a part where all of the bill's questions are addressed and sorted out. Literally every single detail you can think of, they will sort address, question, out. Great. Now, it might sound silly, but here are some of the things that would literally be discussed if my leftover bill was up for debate in committee. They would ask questions like, at what point does food technically become leftovers? Once everyone stops eating or when it's boxed up, once it's in someone's fridge, does it become

their sole property? If so, do leftovers depend on location. What if more than one person paid for them? You know, there's always that kind of dumb guy who's like a sleep most of the time, somehow he's in, he'll usually get up and be like, yeah, well what about like ramen? Just making, just fucking everything up, just planting a bomb and walking away because everyone's like, yeah, what about ramen? Because I mean, how do you split ramen? The noodles clump together, right?

When it's in the fridge, you really can't eat the next day, you can't even split it, you have, they crumble. So that guy made some sense and then he just disappeared again. You just get left with a lot of questions and they are going to figure out all of them in this process. So this could be discussed endlessly within the committee because if something is going to become a law, our politicians need to think about every single angle. But it gets complicated

because one politician wants to be petty and you know, just add something to the bill. There are times, unfortunately, where politicians take into account, like, who they owe favors to. So if one of the guys is like involved with a plastic bag corporation, he'd be like, well, food should only be stored in plastic bags. Does that make sense? Then usually someone wants to throw in their two cents and before you know it, the leftover bill has so much stacked on top of it. It could fall over like a Christmas tree with way too many ornaments.

So our bill gets a few bullshit things attached. Then it gets debated again among the representatives and then we wait. And who knows how long this shit could take, but like a few days later, maybe your phone starts blowing up. Bling, bing, bing, bing, bing, you're like, oh my god. I get, you get a text, sorry. Text. The House of Representatives has approved your leftover bill.

Yes, work that pussy out bitch period. And you're like, oh my god. Ah! And you go on, oh my god. Ah! Ah! And you go on celebrating, get a little turn. Ha, ha, ha. Just me, okay. So now our leftover bill gets to move on to the next part of our legislative branch.

The Senate, the Senate is kind of like Raya. Oh yeah, Raya, the dating app, have you heard of it? It's hard to get into. There's only a few members. No, literally, they let everybody in, but they won't let me in. I put on the wait list for a year. Okay, so like with Raya, I have no idea

what's going on in there. Really? I hear it's lame, but saying with the Senate really, I mean, I hear it's lame. But I'm just kidding, but really, because the Senate only has 100 members total because each of the 50 states gets two of them. So the Senate and the House,

they keep each other in check. So each branch doesn't have too much power. That was a hard one for me to say. But the thing is, the House and the Senate, they never, they rarely agree, okay? So things just never get decided because everyone is stubborn and no one wants to bunch. It's like having a younger or older sister

who will never admit to stealing your jeans right out of your closet, even though you just saw her wearing them at school yesterday. In the Senate, the leftover bill goes through even more committees, more debating, if this is the part that's like real boring. Okay, this is the part where you just hang out at the bar and let them work it out. I mean, after they finish arguing with each other, they vote on the bill.

And if you get like 51 of the 100 senators to vote yes, then your bill will go to the executive branch. Yeah, cool, huh? Or my bill, I should say, because I'm passing one. And the branch is actually in charge and enforcing the law that we create. Guess who's in charge of it? I'll give you a hint.

It's a person you and I decide to vote into the office every four years. There's lots of arguments about them at Thanksgiving sometimes. Yeah, you know, um, you love them. The president and the United States, you know, they just all suck. And it's just, they ruin family dinners. Now, the president has a hard-ass job.

I mean, he's trying to run a country with like 331 million people, okay? You try. It's like really hard, you know? It's like trying to order for a table of very picky eaters. You got a stupid cousin who can't have any dairy and you're like, well, there goes our dessert.

And then there's Charlotte. Charlotte doesn't like to eat, freaking any meat or anything like that. She's vegan or whatever, which is fine, Charlotte. But like, why are you at a pizza place? When you are vegan, Charlotte, she's like, oh, I can get something to eat. I could always find out. No.

And then, Bozo next to you that you're dating, okay? He sucks. He's not even going to pay. Anyways, so where am I talking about? Oh, yeah, I was talking about presidents. So the president... Oh, yeah, being a president's heart. And as the head of the executive branch and the military,

the president has a lot on his plate. But when it comes to passing a law, a president doesn't even, they don't even do that much. Nope, they don't do nothing really. So like if our law is now just sitting on the president's desk and his main job is to decide, you know, to sign it or not. He really actually has three different options. One, the dude in charge can say like,

hell yeah, I agree, I'm signing this. So that's one option. He could decide to veto the bill, which is equivalent to like swiping left or just swiper no swipey. Get it away. And then the final option, which a lot of people, I think a lot of us just don't think about is they could just let it sit and do nothing with it. And this is called a pocket veto. Yeah, so they'll just let sit and marinate and get lost under all the other paperwork,

you know. And this move could be like useful if a bill comes to the president that is a very hot button type of bill. And he doesn't want to say yes or no because either way it's gonna piss off a lot of people. So instead they do nothing. They're sort of sit there. I would love to be a maid. I just go and assign the ones that you know forgery. I would do it. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. Audible offers an incredible selection of audiobooks across every genre, from best sellers and new releases to celebrity memoirs, mysteries, love, classics, humor, motivation, wellness, and so much more. We're talking thousands of audiobooks plus all of your favorite podcasts and Audible

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Audible.com slash dark history or text dark history to 500 500. All right, so let's just say the president signs our bill and it's now officially a law. Congratulations! This means we made it. We did it. And now like it's a felony to steal leftovers. Oh, this could be terrible. Couldn't it? Yes. And people who break this law will face a stiff penalty. They will be fined $5,000 or spend 69 days. In jail. On top of this, the lawbreakers asked this band from whatever restaurant those leftovers came from.

Watch yourself. They're out there. So now that we got this law, let's say I told a couple of my co-workers at Shmi Shmi Shmi about it. And they too have experienced leftover theft by someone in the office named Riba. So they get a camera all set up in the break room to catch Riba's pizza stealing ass in action and sure enough around 1.30 p.m. guess who comes waltzing into the break room. Oh it's Reba! She acts like she owns the place, she opens up that fridge, she's gonna eat

something like it has her name on it. Now today, bam! We catch her stealing the food and guess what? My co-workers, they call the police because they're snitches. Not me. And Reba is cuffed and hauled off to jail, but then plot twist, bitch. There's a surprise. Didn't Nazi this coming. Gasparalla. While Reba is in jail awaiting trial,

the police tell her that she has a phone call, so she answers the phone call. And on the other end is an official sounding person who says, Reba, we believe this leftover law has violated your rights as an American. We're going to sue the government on your behalf. And the Reba is like, oh my god. I'm sorry, I'm losing you right now. Okay, so Reba is like, I can't afford an attorney.

I work at Schmischee Schmye. And then the mysterious voice on the other end says, don't worry about it kid. Even though she's like 45, we got you. And guess what? Rie was lucky damn day. Because that phone call came from a person who works for something called a special interest group

or SIG. I know, I thought SIG was something like life alert. I always thought it had to do something like that with that, no, it's not. And this SIG is a political group dedicated to protecting small businesses, specifically the small businesses that make the boxes for leftovers.

They go by the name Big Box leftovers or BBL if you're nasty. And BBL is pissed off because their profits have taken a huge hit since the leftover law passed. And yeah, apparently, like, people are too afraid to even take leftovers now. Not I, I say. Nene, but in this case, the whole place,

the whole country's been affected because of the choices I made. Fuck. BBL gets Reba a flashy lawyer, and this lawyer takes us into the final branch of government. Cause we ain't done, but the most secretive branch of them all. This branch is called the judicial branch. This branch is responsible for hearing

all the court cases surrounding these laws. Yeah, it's kind of like how I think of it is like judicial, like judge Judy judicial. That's how I remember, okay? If you've ever seen judge Judy, you know the drill, you know, there's gonna be witnesses, there's gonna be some arguments, presenting evidence if needed,

and there's gonna be people who have their own interest in mind who are going to try and sway the judge. In other words, like those big SIGs working for big box leftovers. So Reba's attorney wants to sue the federal government and to do that they file a case in a federal district court. Here's what they're claiming. This is like the never-ending song. Goes on and on and on. Reba is suing the government, saying that the leftovers' law is BS, and violates her constitutional rights as an American citizen.

She claims getting arrested for leftovers is a violation of her eighth amendment rights, which do not include bear arms. No. That's like the only animal involved. Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Does anyone know what the hell that says? No.

But essentially, Reba and her lawyers are claiming getting arrested for stealing leftovers is just too much. It's cruel. It's unusual. And everybody makes mistakes. Just like the great Hannah Montana once said, everybody has those days. Everybody knows what.

One time about everybody gets that way. The album slaps. Jail is not the answer for Reba. The case kicks off. I mean, there's opening statements from both sides. There's evidence, there's witnesses, there's exhibits, expert testimony. And you just, just the whole show, it's a circus.

And then things start to get very nitpicky. I mean, there are witnesses supporting Reba, saying that the leftovers loss should be canceled because it's too broad. And I'm like, shut up. I just tried my best. And you know, that it should only apply to like cold leftovers or nothing at all.

And then another one is comes in supporting the leftover law because they'd have horrible experience with leftover theft. So after hearing each side go back and forth, the judge is ready to rule. And guess what? The federal judge rules that the left over law still slaps. Yeah, and they're like, hey, this law actually

can remain a law in the United States. The judge says Reba getting arrested was constitutional because she took a co-workers private property. But here's the thing about our judicial branch. If you lose a case, you can appeal the decision multiple times. So I mean, this thing could really go back and forth

for three years. Good luck, Reba. You need a girl. If the case is argued in court like a ton, it could eventually make its way up to the Supreme Court over the United States of America. And that's probably what's gonna happen with Reba's case. Now today, the Supreme Court is made up of nine judges.

Now of the nine Supreme Court judges, there's one in charge and they're called the Chief Justice. All of them are nominated by the president, but the Senate still has to vote to approve the president's nomination. So if the president nominates Oscar the grouch to be in Supreme Court, that doesn't mean Oscar should get ready for his custom black robe fitting. It means Oscar has to be

approved by the members of the Senate, checks and balances. Are you following? Okay, look, there's like a big public hearing where the potential Supreme Court justice questioned about their past and all that. And then if the Senate gives them the thumbs up, they are appointed to the Supreme Court forever. Yeah, forever. It's kind of weird. They spend the rest of their life forever. That's lame.

They can either like choose a step down or you they have to die on the job really and that's really it. Hmm. That's questionable. Here's a crazy thought. How about we pass a law where they can only serve two years in the Supreme Court and then they're replaced. I don't know, I'm just like thinking out loud-y-dice. Geez. We can do it.

Back to our case with Reba. Now, just because your case makes it all the way to the Supreme Court's desk, doesn't guarantee that the Supreme is going to take it on as a case. Every year about 8,000 cases make their way up to the Supreme Court. And the nine justices review those thousands of cases and say which ones are worth their time. And after that, they end up picking only about 80. That's 1% of the cases accepted. Yeah, so if your case isn't selected, then oops, song re, you know, where they gonna do nothing.

The ruling you have on your case now is a ruling year's statuette. But guess what? Reba must have a rabbit's foot up her butt because she lucked out. And the Supreme Court thinks her case is worth their time. I know, I know, I don't know who's dick she sucked, but she did. All the Supreme Court. Guerrth. Now, the Supreme Court building isn't intimidating. The first thing you have to do is walk through the front doors, wishers like the solid bronze and wait a sh** ton, like 13,000 pounds each. So, okay, dramatic. And then we enter the courtroom where we see nine

serious looking judges sitting in nine black leather chairs. No one smiling. Who even knows if they have legs? Has anyone seen their legs? Asking the real questions here. And then behind them they got like there's marble, there's columns, there's curtains, drama, drama, drama, honestly. Let me in, okay? So this doesn't work like a normal court. This isn't a court TV, you know, there's no jury. They're not going over all the facts of the case, like, you know, what really went on at Shmeshi Shmai

in the break room, but the justices have just one job to review the previous court's decision on the case and decide if it's right or not. And to help them do that, there is just one hour for oral arguments. Reba, 30 minutes from one side and 30 minutes for the other. The whole hearing goes really fast. Justice's review it and usually within 90 days, the Supreme Court issues their their decision. And then that's it, baby. You made it all the way through.

God, that was garcy. Sorry, it's many word for today. Each day I'll have a new word for you. And okay, cool, great. So my law, the Supreme Court has come to a decision. So they say that by a unanimous decision, 9-0, Reba is wrong, and the leftover law is constitutional. Well, look at that.

Democracy in action. I can honestly say that today I am proud to be an American who was able to pass a law and address a big problem in this country. And after this, there really is nowhere else to go. I mean, the law can be updated a little bit, it can be fixed, it could just be passed around a little bit. But all three branches of government with their separation of powers and their checks and balances

have done their job and protected every one of us from the worst thing imaginable. Left over, theft. Now remember, I mean, there is so much more that our government does every day. Okay, I'm not trying to be like, oh my god, they just sit around and talk about fucking leftovers all day. It's kind of mind-blowing to think about all of it. The military, taxes,

social security, education, I mean, the list is endless. Who knows what some of them do because it's like, what do they do? I don't know. But you voted for them. But I just think it's kind of crazy that 247 years ago, Washington, Jefferson, Franklin, and all of their friends came up with an idea for our government. And the great American experiment is what it's often called. Yeah, and it isn't perfect, right? It's works sometimes, I think. And I mean, it's kind of lame that you get a lesson

about all this when you're like 15, but then after that, there's no update. You know, and it's just really complicated, like they don't wanna understand it. So they could probably just keep doing shade stuff on their own. Yeah. At the end of the day,

this is supposed to be a government of the people by the people for the people. And I believe I am people. No, not you, sorry. And Paul used to be. He's dead now. And the problem with the government being so complex means that there are tons of different ways

that people can take advantage of it for profit, especially corporations or different people involved. So what do we do now? Well, go take off your pants, get a cold glass of lemonade and pour it right on your crotch. Because next week, we are doing a deep dive into one of the world's most toxic influential corporations ever.

We're gonna piss people off, yay! Can't wait another hit list Bailey is added. You know about this corporation, they have a product that you are probably using today because they own everything it seems like. You know, and they're single handedly responsible for Coca-Cola success. What do we get to do about this, you guys?

On top of this shady-ass corporation, their products are linked to the deaths and murders of hundreds of thousands of people. So babe, in the next episode, pretend there's a curtain, we're going to open it on Agent Orange and one of their creators, Juan Santo. Shout out to them. Don't forget to join me over on my YouTube where you can watch these episodes on Thursday after the podcast airs, and while you're there, you can also catch my murder, mystery, and makeup. Dark History is an audio boom original.

This podcast is executive produced by Bailey Sarian High, Dunia McNeely from Three Arts, Kevin Grush, and Met and Lo from Maiden Network. A big thank you to our writers, Joie Scavuzo, Katy Burris, Allison Floboz, and me, Bailey Surion. Production lead, Brian Jaggers. Research provided by Zander Elmore and the Dark History Researcher team. Special thank you to our expert, Patrick Martin, and I'm your host, Bailey Surion. Now, I'd love to hear your reactions to today's story, so make sure to use the hashtag darkhistory

over on social media so I can follow along. Here's a few, Paola, let me know. Quote, Bailey is giving me Jennifer Coolidge vibes today. Thanks, Paola, I'm here all day. Ekelly asked the team, hey, can you pretty please do a dark history of Chateau Marmont? Thank you, love you Bailey.

Oh my god, Ekele, I love you too. Okay, so I've been looking into this on my free time and I'll report back, because there's something there. Okay, you guys, I'm done talking. Okay, but look, I hope you have a good rest of your week. You make good choices,

and I'll be talking to you next week. Goodbye. Bye.