Date Yourself Instead - 32 lessons I wish I knew sooner about love and life at 32 years old

Episode Date: January 19, 2025

Happy birthday to me!! It's CAPRICORN SEASON and I am turning 32 years old. Every year, I like to reflect back on the valuable life lessons I've learned, and this year is a special one because it's the first year I can confidently say I feel more empowered and in living in my truth to the fullest. If you're interested in joining my masterclasses, here's the link to sign up. If doors aren't open, you can sign up for the waitlist and you will get an email when they're available again. Your support and love means the world to me. I see all of your comments, and dms. Feel free to comment on Spotify, or send me a message on instagram @lyss and @dateyourselfinstead. What did you think of this ep? It's probably going to be one of my favorites. LOVE YOU, xoxo. Lyss.

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. Welcome to the new year, welcome to 2025. It is my birthday month. I am a Capricorn and being in New York City again is surreal. It's actually unreal because I literally swore I would never come back here after being completely traumatized from my last relationship. Over the summer, I just was not doing well. I wasn't having it. I was like no more. And I realized that being a true New Yorker comes with having a love-hate relationship with Manhattan. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's just how it is. I don't know why that is, but there are some days where I'm obsessed with New York City, and then there's some days where I'm like I Literally need to get the fuck out of here being back in Manhattan right now is actually really grounding for me

I've been on the road traveling Creating podcast episodes in different cities I was in Changu and Bali as you guys know because I wouldn't shut the fuck up about Bali on the podcast I also was in London for the holidays, which was really beautiful, and the holidays there was truly amazing. But I decided after really reflecting and really seeing how much I've healed

and how far I've come, just to come back to New York, to recenter myself, to reorganize everything. January is the month of organization, and I feel like it's about planning for 2025 and planning for the year ahead. to recenter myself, to reorganize everything. January is the month of organization and I feel like it's about planning for 2025 and planning for the year ahead. And this year is going to be fucking incredible. This year is going to be the year of abundance,

of prosperity, of really knowing who you are, of stepping into your higher self and owning it and being confident. My goal and my mission this year on Date Yourself Instead is to truly transfer my healing and everything I've learned and everything I've picked up over the last couple months, good vibes, good energy, and everything that I've learned about the healing process,

I want to give that to you. I wanna provide that to you. I wanna make this the ultimate safe space for you in the new year. I wanna spread my good energy and my love to you. I want to make this the ultimate safe space for you in the new year. I want to spread my good energy and my love to you so you could heal and so you could really become the best version of you and to detach and let go of people and things and situations that aren't serving your growth. 2025, mark my words, is the year of owning who you are, detaching

from people and toxic cycles, and really just not giving a fuck. Owning who you are is the year of owning who you are, detaching from people and toxic cycles, and really just not giving a fuck. Owning who you are is the theme of this year. I want you to tap into your passions. I want you to reflect on your childhood and remember the things you did when you were younger that inspire you, that make you feel creative, that make you feel happy and joyful.

I want you to reconnect with people that make you feel good and to detach from relationships and people that suck the life out of you. We're not stepping into the new year entertaining bullshit. We're not stepping into the new year entertaining people who do not see our value. We deserve to be loved. Everyone who's a part of this community, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to feel loved, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to thrive, and I just want to make this year about catering to you. I want to give all the love and healing that I have to you so you can be the best version of you. On today's episode, since it's a birthday episode, I make this a trend every year now where I

reflect on my life, I reflect on the past lessons, on things I've learned over the course of time, and on today's episode we're gonna cover 32 things and lessons and valuable takeaways I wish I knew sooner before 32 years old. Being 32 is amazing because I feel like my 30s have just increasingly gotten better and everyone's like afraid of their 30s for some reason or afraid to get old and they're afraid of the aging process but for me I feel like I've learned so much over time and my 20s were about learning and transforming and breaking down just so I could build myself up in my 30s. So this is really everything that I've learned over the last year and also just in general,

things that I wish I knew sooner and I hope this can inspire you and I hope this can help you and guide you as you're navigating 2025, let's do this. 32 things I wish I knew sooner about love and life at 32 years old. Number one, trust your gut no matter what. If you feel a little off,

if you're hesitating about something, my dad always says, when in doubt, get out. It doesn't matter if you even have 1% of doubt. Just take a step back and think about things objectively, and then feel it in your body before you make any decisions with anything. I've noticed that my body tells me if something's dangerous or not aligned for me before my head does.

I'd feel anxious or I'd feel weird about something, but my brain would be like, no, it's fine. And I talk myself out of my intuition and my gut instincts. Trust your instincts. They are your superpowers. Your intuition is your superpower. Your gut feelings are communicating with you. Your gut is very intelligent.

And we don't honor that enough, and I used to not honor that enough. I know now the second something feels a little weird in my gut, it means to pause, it means to reflect, it means to think of things a little bit objectively and remove myself from a situation or a decision and wait. It doesn't mean a yes or no, but sometimes it means to wait because your gut is communicating with you. So truly listening to your gut feelings and honoring them and knowing that they are your divine communicators, the little things inside your gut, those feelings,

they are divine communicators, communicating to you in relationships. If someone is making you feel weird, out of body, anxious, uncomfortable, sick, there was moments in my last relationship where I was literally losing my hair and having night terrors and feeling like I was gonna throw up all the time.

And I logically was like, oh, you know, it's my past trauma. No, okay. Your gut knows better than you do. Your body will signal things to you when you're not in the right situation. So just make it a habit of listening to that as your internal compass.

And every time you listen to that quiet voice, that inner voice saying something is right or wrong, trust it. You are very powerful and you're very intelligent, so trust yourself. Number two, every time you get the opportunity to reinvent yourself, it is a blessing. When you break down, when your life is in shambles, when shit is hitting the fan, that is a good sign. There was someone in my master class, the Mind Body Soul Reset, which I talk about a lot. We have this amazing group chat where we all talk about

things that have happened to us and we help each other and share advice. Someone said in the group chat that they feel like everything in their life is falling apart and burning to the ground. They literally said, my life is burning to the ground. And I was like, that is a blessing. That is a miracle.

Your life is burning to the ground so you could make space for a brand new timeline, for a brand new version of you. You are making space for a brand new version of you. That is the most beautiful opportunity to reinvent yourself, to create yourself, to rebuild yourself from scratch. Yes, it can be terrifying. In the moment while you're going through it,

it feels like the scariest thing in the world. You feel like your literal world is collapsing. And I get it because I've experienced this Phoenix rising from the ashes thing many, many times. I feel like my life has always been a constant transformation. Like a few years will go well, and then everything I've built will like collapse again.

And then I have to rebuild, collapse and rebuild, collapse and rebuild. But I can confidently say with all of my heart and soul that every time I've been broken down, I've been built up a hundred times stronger. Every time my life has burned to the ground, I've been built up a hundred times stronger. Every time my life has burned to the ground, I've been able to rise up and rebuild myself a hundred times better, more strong, more confident, more radiant. I feel like I'm reborn from all the shit that happened

to me with my narcissistic, abusive ex-boyfriend, I thought my life was over. I literally was having the most depressive thoughts I've ever had in my life. My parents had to step in and I literally had to flee Manhattan to work on myself because I was desperate. I was so broken. And this was just a few months ago. And I could confidently say in just three months time, I've been able to rebuild myself and heal my heart

more than I ever even expected. It almost feels miraculous. And I give a lot of that credit to God and finding God and finding the power of prayer and a higher power guiding me and helping me heal without him I Wouldn't be here today. I highly recommend Listening to that inner voice that higher power

Guiding you and praying to that higher power. You will be able to Rebuild yourself. You'll be able to heal when you're able to reinvent yourself That is a superpower and you always come out stronger on the other side. Don't be afraid of the chaos. Number three, having boundaries is what is going to get you far in life. It's what's going to allow people to respect you more,

and it's going to be able to draw in the right people for you. This is in career. This is in relationships. This is everywhere you go. Set your boundaries and stick to them, and mean it, and live by them. Now that I have boundaries in relationships, this is everywhere you go, set your boundaries and stick to them and mean it and live by them. Now that I have boundaries in place, I haven't spoken to a man in months and I love it that way.

Anyone who's tried to approach me, anyone who's tried to date me or interact with me, I've noticed that they don't have my best intentions at heart and in the past, I would excuse it, I would justify it, I would justify it. I would try to give people the benefit of the doubt. No, we're not doing that in 2025, okay? Lean into your intuition, stay firm with your boundaries,

and don't budge. People know when you're vulnerable and you're weak and you budge and you'll steer away from your boundaries. Don't let people take advantage of you. We're not doing that in 2025. We are honoring our boundaries and knowing what we bring to the table, okay? So if someone is attractive and trying to wine and dine you,

but something feels off and they're convincing you out of certain things that you believe in, for example, with my ex, I thought everything was going swimmingly for the first two years of our relationship but he was trying to convince me that his religion was the only way and That if I didn't follow his religion and convert that I was not holy looking back at that situation I'm like what the actual fuck was that when you know who you are and you know what your beliefs are and you know what?

you stand for, stick to it and watch how people start to treat you differently and see you differently and perceive you differently. He saw I was weak and vulnerable and was able to manipulate me and my belief systems. It was psychological warfare. It was spiritual warfare and we're not doing that in 2025. We're sticking to our boundaries and and we're knowing our worth, and we're knowing what we stand for and what we believe in. Number four is comparison, okay? Stop looking at everyone's lives. Nothing will get accomplished if you're directing your energy at other people's lives.

Nothing. Unless you're using them as your source of motivation and you're getting excited and fueled by things that people are saying and doing, which is very possible for me. Like if you're listening to my podcast and it's helping you and inspiring you and healing you, fine. But if you're consuming your friends' content and it's making you feel like garbage,

if you're consuming your ex's content and it's making you feel like shit about yourself, just stop. Just like mute them. Okay? We have a mute button on Instagram now for a reason. I'm a big believer in muting people that don't feel aligned with your higher self. So honor how you feel, monitor how you feel, and stop feeding into people's lives. Feed your own life. Feed your own soul. Feed your own goals. Nothing will get accomplished if you're also jealous of people. I'm going to tie this into number four.

Nothing's going to get accomplished if you're envious of others. That's a low vibe energy. That's like a gross energy. Stop looking at people and envying them. Even if you say, I'm so jealous of this person, your words are powerful. You emit a frequency when you are envious of people. That's not a good one. And it could prevent you and block you

from manifesting your goals and your life. So focus on you, be happy for other people, but focus on you and stay in your own lane. And this is what my Master Class Dirty Touch focuses a lot on too, is focusing your energy inwards, detaching from people and situations and redirecting your energy back into you. It's super helpful and it works like a charm and that's why I literally created my masterclass, Dare to Detach, because it teaches you how to do this in four days.

In four days, you will be a brand new human being guaranteed. Number five, not everyone is going to understand you or get your vision. So stop sharing your plans with everyone and stop telling everyone what you're doing. Stop telling everyone your mission. Your mission is your mission. God put a plan in your heart

and no one else is for a reason. It's your plan. It's not anyone else's plan. So when you're sharing every little fucking detail of your agenda and what you have to do in life and people aren't supportive, it's just bad vibes. We're not sharing every detail of our life in 2025. Keep some special shit to yourself.

Keep the special things to yourself. And then when you're done with them, when they're out in the world, the accomplishments can speak for themselves. For example, when I started my podcast, I didn't tell a soul. I just put it out and then people found out and then it started growing and building. But I didn't allow anyone into my energetic space during that time. Please protect your peace, protect your manifestations.

And yes, if you have a best friend who's rooting for you, if you have family members that are supportive, fine, but I still think there should be boundaries with that. Number six, very simple, practice gratitude always. I believe that gratitude is what has kept me going, just noticing everything around me and understanding how fucking grateful I should be and putting things into perspective. There was someone that I spoke to recently that had someone very close to him pass away and they were very young.

And it really opened my eyes to perspective in that moment again, because we can get so lost in our heads and so lost in our thoughts about total bullshit that doesn't even matter. And it's not gonna matter 30 minutes from now. It's not gonna matter in a day from now most of the things we think about are just bullshit and the reality is life is short and life is precious and we should be grateful for the moment and appreciate our health if we have it we should appreciate the love we have around us if we have it we

should appreciate the environment we're in if we're able to have a house, afford shelter, afford food, afford coffee, afford the life that we are living, we should just practice gratitude because when you are in a state of gratitude, more blessings and miracles will come your way guaranteed. Number seven, your failures are always gonna lead you to the most incredible places. Don't be afraid of failing. Don't

be afraid of breaking down as I mentioned earlier. Don't be afraid of hardship. Hardship is what builds your fucking character. Hardship is what makes you you. Hardship is what inspires you to keep going and pushing and growing. Trust me, you do not want everything to be handed to you and for everything to be butterflies and rainbows all the time. And I'll tell you why. Yes, life should feel good.

And the key is to feel at peace and be grateful, of course. But if we don't have any hardships, we're not growing. If we don't have any setbacks, we're not evolving. We're not expanding. So just think about that the next time you're going through something really difficult, that those hardships are there to strengthen you. Those hardships are there to teach you more about yourself and how strong you are. And I wouldn't take back anything that's happened to me ever. The

shit I went through, even having the darkest thoughts I've ever had about wanting to literally end my life over a relationship that cost me everything, that made me go broke, that made me hit rock bottom, that destroyed my mental peace, that destroyed my business, that broke a lot of my relationships off. There was so much chaos happening in my life at a point that I didn't know if I wanted to be here. And I'm telling you right now, God's plan for you, when He breaks you down that much, He plans on building you up a hundred times stronger and better, and you will come out the other side.

I promise you that if you just have faith and trust in the process and trust in your heart that everything will get better and have faith and you could ask Him for signs, you can write down in your notes, you know, I need a sign to keep going. He will give you that sign. You just have to have faith. Number eight, your time and energy are the two most valuable things in the world. Energy is everything. Energy controls the universe. If you give your energy to someone and they're just sucking it and they're not giving you

anything back and it's not a mutual exchange of energy, your life will crumble. If you're around the wrong people and they're sucking your energy, you will feel tired, depleted, exhausted, unmotivated. It's happened to me before. There are energy vampires out there in the world and it's up to you to protect yourself, protect your peace, protect your energy, and understand that that is the most valuable currency of all. In 2025, we are wrapping our heads around this concept that your energy is the most valuable currency of all. It's more expensive than any materialistic thing in the world, because if you don't have good energy,

if you're not feeling good, if you're not in good health, nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. If you are a billionaire and you have a terminal illness, you're not thinking about the money. You're not thinking about materialistic things anymore. You're not thinking about anything other than preying on your hands and knees for your health because you want to live. Fuck the money for a second, okay, the materialistic stuff. When you really think about this, what is more important than that? Your health.

Because without your health, you have nothing. Without your energy and without feeling good and vibrating at a high frequency where you feel aligned, nothing else will ever matter. I've made so much money and been so miserable at the same time. So depressed and so miserable while I was the most successful financially. It's funny because you would think that money would make you happy, but it really doesn't. It doesn't fill your soul.

It doesn't fill your purpose. It doesn't give you anything. What it gives you is comfort and stability, which is fine. But I will say that your energy is more valuable than that. And your time, your time is currency. Your energy and time are expensive fucking currency. So don't let anyone steal either of those because then you're gonna just be unhappy.

If someone steals your time and energy, you can't get that shit back. You can make money back, okay? I've been broke a couple times in my life. My finances have gone in up and down cycles and I've always made my money back. Whenever I've spent it, I've always made it back. But your time and energy, you can't really get those back.

So really think about it. Number nine, success doesn't have to look the same for everyone and what looks like success for you is gonna be completely different from everyone else around you. So there's no point in comparing. Everyone has a different version of success. You don't have to compare your version of success

to someone else's. Someone else's version of success might be to have a family and settle down by the time they're 30 and live in some like random calm peaceful town in the middle of nowhere on a farm with a bunch of horses and cats like honestly that's like kind of the vibe I'm going for maybe at some point in my life that could be the ultimate form of success for someone and that's it and they're like this is all I've ever wanted I'm done having a family you know

I know plenty of women all their life, they just wanted to be married and have a family. And that was their version of success. And they did it and they're super happy. To someone else, a version of success could be writing a book and having it published. To another, it could be being a top podcast, right? So stop comparing yourself to people

because your version of success is not gonna look like everyone else's and also respect other people's version of success. Respect other people's version of how they see themselves happy. What could be fulfilling for one person may not be fulfilling for you but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Everyone has a different path, a different destiny, a different reality so have compassion and empathy for other people. If you see your life and they don't understand your life and you don't understand theirs, that's okay.

You could still be friends, but just be respectful of other people's lives, okay? At the end of the day, we all end up in the same place, if that makes sense. Don't wanna get too morbid here, but that's the reality of it. So live your life and allow other people to live theirs and mind your business.

Number 10, when you start out growing people and situations and environments, that's a really amazing sign. When people start to drop off from your life, it's usually because you're growing. When things don't work out as planned and things start to burn to the ground,'s usually because you're growing. When things don't work out as planned and things start to burn to the ground, it's because you're growing and evolving. It's because you're going to places that you couldn't even imagine. You're going to new heights. You're

reaching new levels of your life. So don't be afraid of it, as I said. That's a huge theme in 2025 for me too. Don't be afraid to face the fires. Don't be afraid to face the shit that life hands at you sometimes because you will come back so much stronger. You will come back a million times better, guaranteed. Number 11, take time to rest, take time to breathe, take time to reground and focus on yourself when things are feeling stressful. I've learned this throughout my travels and I've learned how to do this much better grounding my energy, doing meditation for five minutes in the morning, doing meditation before bed.

This is a part of my masterclass, the mind body soul reset, grounding your energy wherever you are. You could do this on a plane, you could do this while you're walking, knowing how to ground your energy and remain calm, even if things don't go as planned. There's been plenty of moments that I've been faced with recently where things just did not go the way I envisioned them. And I just ground my energy by doing meditations. And I breathe. And I've done a lot of different things.

And I find that breath work is incredible. When you learn how to master breath work and you learn how to really ground your energy through breath work, it's really beneficial. Also just honoring your body when it needs rest. You don't have to go to the gym seven days a week. You don't have to. Even though you see days a week. You don't have to. Even though you see on social media

everyone's losing a ton of weight and looking fit and looking like they've had this major glow up, it's not all that it seems, okay? It doesn't mean you have to be like everyone else. Obviously you need to take care of your health, movement, I think moving your body, moving stagnant energy in the body is super important.

And I emphasize this in my mind, body, soul reset. But my point is, don't go to the gym and push yourself. If you're having an off day, sometimes your body just needs that rest and needs a break. And you need to honor that. You wanna move, you wanna stay active because it's healthy, but at the same time, don't overdo it. Don't push yourself to the point where you're mentally, physically, spiritually exhausted,

because that could happen too. And it's happened to me before and the burnout is real. So just honor rest. Number 12, have the courage to walk away from anyone who makes you feel like shit. It's like pretty much the theme of date yourself instead. It's like on every episode, this message of honoring who you are and knowing who you are and knowing how to love yourself. But I still see a lot of messages recently about people that are not treating you right and you're still willing to stick it out.

We're not doing that anymore, okay? If you gave someone 100 chances, they're not gonna change on the 101st chance, 101 chance. You get it, okay? They're not going to change, you have to change. You have to take the bull by the horns and change. You have to do the work, you have to do the inner work. And I spoke about this on a previous episode that was kind of recent about this guy and

I wanted him to kind of regret his decision to end things with me. He ended up coming back, but it was because I had to change. I had to heal my wounds and my abandonment wounds and my wounds of feeling like I wasn't enough for that all to happen. And when I healed that, I didn't even want him back. I wanted nothing to do with the situation anymore because I was honoring myself and loving myself deeply enough to understand that I deserved better.

When you love yourself so deeply, you're not going to give someone a hundred chances. You're not gonna give someone the privilege and the access to your energy. You're not going to allow someone the privilege and the access to your energy. You're not going to allow it. I promise you, you're not. And you will look back and thank yourself if you get the courage to walk away. Number 13, letting go makes space for more amazing things and blessings to happen. Letting go makes space for the miracles. Don't be afraid to let go, as I just said. Have the courage to walk away. Number 14, celebrate your small wins

because that will motivate you to keep going. Celebrate the small accomplishments. You don't have to achieve the biggest thing in the world right off the bat. If you're working towards a bigger goal, it's going to take time. The best things take time. The best things take time. The best things are when you're consistent

and you really put in the time and effort and patience. Just celebrate the small wins along the way. Celebrate the small things that you get done. Like today, for example, I went to a coffee shop and I cleaned out my inbox and I answered my emails that were sitting there for a long time. I replied to the texts that I missed from the last three months. I started tackling these small tasks.

And when you tackle small tasks, it actually makes you feel so productive, even though it seems so minor. It actually psychologically helps you so much get more grounded, get more organized. I noticed that about myself. The smallest things are the biggest wins because I ended up feeling so productive today. And I didn't really do that much, but I just tackled these small things that were kind of on the back burner and it changed the game for me. And the whole rest of the day, I felt really good about myself. And that inspired me to be even more productive. And it's like a domino effect

where you do these small things and it builds up over time and it just makes you feel really accomplished. Number 15, love should feel grounding. That is the theme of 2025, grounding energy, grounding your energy, planting your roots into the earth energetically, knowing that you're not gonna waver from who you are. And if you're in a relationship

that's making you feel shaky and making your foundation feel really unsettling and unstable, they're not it, cut them out. Number 16, do not fall in love with someone's potential. Focus on the reality of the situation I saw this tick-tock the other day talking about how What you see is what you get and that is the energy in the new year. What you see is what you get What someone is showing you at face value is what it is. It is what it is. It's very simple

There's no secret formula. There's no crazy deciphering someone's text or deciphering shit. No, what you see is what it is. It is what it is. It's as simple as that. What you see is the truth and you should honor that.

You should be able to see someone's actions and understand where their head's at. If I really look back on every single person I've dated, I knew where all of their heads were at. I knew, but I ignored it. I knew, but I tolerated bullshit. I knew, but I stayed anyway. We're not doing that anymore.

I keep saying that. We're not doing this anymore. I need to make merch. Date yourself instead merch, but also we're not doing this anymore merch. If you're interested, let me know. I'll get working on that. Number 17, red flags are red flags.

If you see red flags, they're red flags. And it's not up to you to solve the puzzle. It's not up to you to solve the equation of someone else. It's not up to you to solve the equation of someone else. It's not up to you to unpack their brain and try to figure out once again where they stand or if they love you or if they wanna be with you, okay? It is so fucking simple. I've spoken to a lot of men in my life

about dating and relationships because I like to ask people questions about love and relationships. It's just my thing. Like it's my bread and butter and I've always been this way. A lot of men will say it's very black and white with me. Like maybe not, I'm not gonna say every man, but I will say majority of the people that I've spoken to,

including men that are close to me, they've said it's very simple. I just, I knew right away that I wanted to be with that woman. I knew right away, like my dad, I was having dinner with him the other night and he was like, I knew your mother was different right away, like my dad, I was having dinner with him the other night and he was like, I knew your mother was different right away

and I just knew that I wanted to keep seeing her and there were no games. It was consistent dating and it was consistent getting to know each other. He was like, I had a girlfriend when I met her, but I just kind of knew that there was something more there and he's like, I waited obviously until I ended things with my relationship,

but I just knew it was different. Keep in mind, this was a very different time. There were no cell phones, there was no technology, and he was very young. My parents were very young when they met. So don't judge the situation here. But men just know, okay? Men just know and they have a feeling and they have an intuitive instinct where they're

like, I just want to commit to this person. So it's interesting and it's kind of hard to hear sometimes because you're like, no, but this, no, but that, but it's usually black and white. Number 18, you can't save people who don't want to be saved. You can't save people that don't want the help. It's like when you try to tell your friends like you should leave that person and they're just not gonna fucking listen.

Or they're gonna vent out to you, X, Y, Z about how shitty this person is. And then they're gonna run back to them, even though you give them the advice. What I've learned about giving people advice is that they're not gonna take it until they're ready to, until it's their divine timing to implement it. So you could tell someone something,

you could give them as much advice as you can give, but they're not going to implement your advice and take your advice unless they wanna do it for themselves, unless they're ready to. And it's just, it's a timing thing and it's being ready. And if someone's, you know, not listening to you, don't take it personally. If you're trying to give advice to someone,

don't take it personally if they don't take it, because no one's going to take anyone else's advice unless they really are ready for it themselves and they were gonna do it anyway. Do you know what I mean? Like when people told me to break up with my boyfriends, I'd be like, yeah, okay, sure. I will, of course. They're bad. They're bad for me. I need to end this. But I didn't end it until I knew I needed to for myself.

Number 19, speak your truth. Communicate. If something bothers you, say it. If something is feeling off with someone, say it. Communicate, be open, be honest. 2025 is about speaking our truth. It's about aligning with a higher purpose and aligning with good people, good humans, good energy, godly energy.

I can't tolerate people who don't know how to speak. If you have a problem with me, say it to my face so we can dish it out, so we can build on our friendship or build a connection that may be, you know, not in the best place. If you're gonna resent me and hold grudges and be bitter and toxic. Goodbye. Speak your truth. Number 20. The right person will make you feel more confident. Guaranteed. The right people around you will make you feel like a better version of yourself. The right people around you will make you feel like an electrified, higher vibe version of you. You will be feeling unstoppable when you're around the right

people. I know when I'm talking to people that are on the same wavelength, I come out of discussions, I come out of dinners with those people feeling electrically charged. I'm like, oh my god, that was an amazing day, that was an amazing date, that was an amazing dinner. And then there's other people where I leave those interactions and I'm feeling burned out, tired, fatigued. I'm like, I was not having it. And I felt like they had sucked a piece of my energy dry. So just monitoring that and also understanding that the right people around you will make you feel more confident.

Number 21, let them walk. Let them walk. If someone is breaking up with you, the worst thing you could do is beg them to stay with you. That's giving desperate, that's giving I don't love myself enough, I don't know my worth. Stop begging people to stick around. I was watching this YouTube video by Joel Osteen, he's the best.

And one of the things he was saying is that you cannot get rid of people if they're meant to stay in your life. And that really changed my brain chemistry. You will not be able to get rid of people if they're meant to stay. If those people are meant to stay in this timeline of yours, in your current reality,

you won't be able to get rid of them. If they're your person, you're not gonna be able to get rid of them. Sometimes we do need breaks from people in order to realize like what we've lost and what we miss and yes there were breakups and then people get back together and get married. But honor what's happening. If that person is deliberately choosing to walk away from you and exit your life, they were there for a season and for a reason and you could take the lessons and understand

that everything is happening for you and not against you, and the right people will stay, and you won't be able to get rid of them. And even if it's temporary, even if the break is temporary and you come back together, which happens a lot, it's common, right? You might've needed that break to have those realizations and to grow stronger from it.

So just trust, just trust that. Number 22, you will feel safe with the right people around you. You will feel safe in the right environments for you, in the right places for you, and with the right people, you will feel this feeling of being secure and safe. You will feel yourself being loved. When people love you, you feel it.

When people don't really love you, you also feel that. So that's something I've noticed just from my experiences too, just like you kind of know when people don't really truly love you. If you're really being honest with yourself. Because if they truly loved you, they wouldn't abuse you. If someone's abusing you, they don't love you. Love and abuse do not go hand in hand. I said what I said. Number 23, free yourself by forgiving yourself

and forgiving other people around you. This is a part of my masterclass too, Dare to Detach. One of the biggest things I emphasize is forgiving people. I have forgiveness meditations in there for a reason. Forgiving people, forgiving yourself most importantly, for what you've put up with, for what you've been through and any mistakes that you might've made because no one's perfect.

And then forgiving the people that have done you wrong. It takes the energy out of you. It lifts the load off of you. It will only benefit you when you forgive and you practice forgiveness. Number 24, if you're forcing stuff, it's not meant for you. Simple as that. If you're forcing it, it's not destined for you. Things will flow and feel good if they're meant for you. Now this doesn't mean you shouldn't work hard, but if you feel like you're constantly forcing something,

let it go. Try something else. Like when I was trying to do music again five years ago, and it's not to say I won't, because I think I'm gonna get back into it soon, but like I was trying to record in the studio and I would feel so drained when I would leave the studio and I but like I was trying to record in the studio and I would feel so drained when I would leave the studio and I felt like I was forcing it.

Like I was forcing myself to sing. You shouldn't feel like you're forcing your passions. Okay? Your passion should feel good. So if something feels forced, it's probably not meant for you. Number 25. Be around people that match your energy. You deserve someone that matches your energy. A relationship that matches your energy. You deserve someone that matches your energy. A relationship that

matches your energy. I always think of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce because we see them so publicly. Like they match each other's energy perfectly. They're always dancing, smiling, out doing things, right? With her other relationships we didn't really see that. And I think when you love yourself so much and you thrive in your own energy, you'll be able to meet your perfect match. I'm just getting to that point now where I'm like, wow, I'm finally in this new era of my life where I'm like loving just thriving by myself and dating myself and loving my own energy. I know that I'm going to attract someone that matches this energy and it's just so exciting and I look at like the future version

of me dating someone that matches who I am now and I'm like oh my god this is so this is going to be so good because it's coming from a place of just fun and playfulness and freedom and independence whereas in the past I was always so needy and insecure and like just clinging on to whoever would date me not in a weird, and I'm not like crazy, but it was giving that energy. I was always giving that energy off because I didn't know my worth. Does that make sense?

Okay. Number 26, you need to be around people who understand your goals and your drive for life and your visions. You have to surround yourself with people who understand your visions. Now, it surround yourself with people who understand your visions. Now it doesn't mean everyone's going to understand everything. As I said earlier in this episode, not everyone is going to understand your plans. And there's another side to it where I will say,

you still need people that do understand your plans. You still need those people in your life that do encourage you and uplift you and understand your vision. You still need those people in your life that do encourage you and uplift you and understand your vision. You're not always gonna have everyone understanding your vision, but to have even one or two people who do is super beneficial, it's super beneficial, it's super helpful.

And I know for me, even having one friend who sees my vision and my mission and has pushed me a little bit in the right direction has changed the game for me and has made me more confident in what I'm building because it can get lonely and it can get isolating when not everyone understands you. Not everyone will understand

the way your brain and your mindset operates, but if you have just one person, it will change the game for you and inspire you to keep going. And I have one person like that in my life who's been such a game changer for me. I remember when I started my social media brand years ago, this was like 12 years ago when I started Instagram

and I was making a couple dollars per sponsored post, my brother had just said something so simple. He's like, just keep going because this could turn into something huge. And that was all I needed to hear. And he saw the vision and it really inspired me. And I'm forever grateful that he gave me that little nudge And that was enough for me to keep going. So just having that one person is really important. And if I'm that person for you

So be it. Hello. Keep going keep believing in What you're doing because you're doing a great job number 27 I have this tattoo on my wrist and I look at it every single morning. Divine timing. Everything happens in divine timing. Trust that your timing is your timing, okay? I could look at my life in two ways.

I could be like, oh my God, I'm not married yet. I have no one, I'm alone. Everything sucks because I'm alone. I have this podcast and I'm talking about like finding true love and being true to yourself and yet I'm alone. I have this podcast and I'm talking about like finding true love and being true to yourself and yet I'm alone. Or I could completely reframe that and be like, actually everything is in perfect divine timing

because God has a plan for me and I'm here right now and I'm serving my mission and my purpose right now because he has a divine plan for me and everything is working in divine timing. So when I do meet my person, it's going to be the most incredible relationship I've ever had in my life. And all the pain and all the suffering that I had to go through was worth it because I was able to turn it into a purpose and help millions of people around the world. And I'm not worried because I'm trusting God's plan.

Right? So it's either you have faith and you trust in the process and divine timing, or you suffer, or you look at all the negatives and you have this like dark cloud over your head thinking your life sucks. Pick and choose, you know? I think for me, divine timing has been everything

in my life, truly. Number 28, you set the standard for how people treat you when you learn how to treat yourself right. You are setting the standard for people to treat you right. When you learn how to love yourself, you are setting the standard for people to know how to love you properly. When you learn how to value yourself,

you're setting the standard for people to know how to value you properly. When you learn how to value yourself, you're setting the standard for people to know how to value you properly. Simple formula. When you love yourself, you attract more love. When you know your worth, you attract people who see your worth. You get it. Number 29. Self love is the foundation for everything else. When you love yourself, you're emitting a frequency that people can feel. You emit a frequency. You are energy.

You are made up of energy. Your cells are energy. Your body is energy. And you are radiating an actual frequency out into the world based on how you feel internally about yourself. So when you do truly love yourself, everything around you will shift. And that's why I created my masterclass

is Dare to Detach and the Mind Body Soul Reset. This is part of the mission. This is why I'm here to teach you how to love yourself. So your reality changes and you get everything you want out of life and you're able to manifest everything you've ever wanted. Number 30, I've said this before, but healing is not a one-stop thing

where you're like, okay, I'm done healing. It's a work in progress always. I'm always healing. We're always healing. We're always learning. We're always growing. And I feel like I'm still healing, right? Healing is a process and it's not linear.

You're gonna have days where you don't feel good and you're gonna have days where you feel amazing and you're gonna have in between neutral days. It's just part of it. It's how it is. It ebbs and flows. So don't beat yourself up if you have two weeks where you feel unstoppable and then you go back and look at your ex's Instagram and you start spiraling again. It happens. It's human, okay? But just trying to do the best you can with what you have and trying to be gentle with yourself in the process is the key and to forgive yourself is so important,

as I said earlier, and you will heal. You will heal, I promise you, you will heal. Number 31, celebrate yourself often. It doesn't have to be your birthday, even though it's my birthday, happy birthday to me, happy 32nd birthday, I can't believe that I'm 32, but I'm so grateful for everything in my life. I'm so grateful for where I'm at right now.

And just celebrate yourself. You don't need a special occasion to celebrate yourself. You don't have to put pressure on yourself to always be surrounded by people in order to feel like you're loved. Love yourself enough to know that it's okay if you have a low key birthday. Like for it's okay if you have a low key birthday. Like for me, I'm gonna have a low key birthday.

I'm not doing anything extravagant. I never do. I think it's a Capricorn thing too. Like I don't even care about my birthday. I'm just like, I treat every day the same. I don't know if that's like a good thing or a bad thing. But for me, I'm very neutral. And I think it's helped me with grounding myself

and understanding that just because I'm alone or I'm not doing this extravagant thing on my special day, it doesn't take away from how beautiful life is. And it doesn't take away from how amazing my life is in general. And I'm still so grateful. And I'm just grateful to be here and grateful to be healthy and happy and doing what I'm doing. And I'm so grateful grateful and I'm just grateful to be here and grateful to be healthy and happy and

Doing what I'm doing and I'm so grateful that I have this platform to share what I'm doing. So Yeah, just celebrate yourself every day. You don't have to wait for a special occasion and number 32 Trusting God's plan always have faith develop a sense of faith trust in his plan over yours sometimes things don't work out and we ask why. And we don't understand it and we can't wrap our heads around it and we're like, why would this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? And it's easy to fall into a victim mindset where you feel like your world is crumbling. But I promise you, his plans are greater than your plans.

He knows best. He knows best. Sometimes it doesn't make sense in the physical, in the moment. You're like, I just don't get it. I don't understand. Last year when I was going through this chaos of a relationship that burned my life to the ground, I was like, why would this happen to me? I have a good heart, I have pure intentions, I love so deeply. What did I do to deserve this? But when I spoke to God and I connected with my faith again, which I was never religious, if you've been following me for several years,

you know my journey and you've seen my journey and my progression with my faith. It's been very recent. And I felt like I just didn't know where to turn. And this energy was like showering over me. Like this golden light was showering over me in the darkest of my moments. When I was at rock bottom, I'll never forget when I decided that it was the best decision for me to leave New York,

I kept seeing 811 everywhere and I got this tattoo, 811, on my wrist and people were asking me, I posted on my story, like what's 811 and 811 is Romans 8, 11 in the Bible, which is about how Jesus was resurrected, God resurrected him and his life, and if he was resurrected from the dead, he can revive you too. If you've hit rock bottom, he has the power to revive you too, even if you're at the lowest point of your life, you can come back stronger and he will heal you and revive you and give you life again. And that's my interpretation of it. And I kept seeing 8-11 everywhere on the day I left. And it just kept sticking out to me. It was very like random to me because I'd never seen that sequence of numbers before. And then as I left Manhattan, I was driving away and I looked behind me and I saw like the Manhattan skyline behind me. And then I looked to my right and a car passes by me and the license plate says,

Jesus is coming to save you. Are you ready? That's when I knew He was real. He was there. He was protecting me. He was guiding me. And He has saved my life. And I never thought I would be the one to be saying this because I was always, I just wasn't into my faith. I never spoke about God, never cared. We're coming to a time in the world where we need faith more than ever. And that was like the most eye-opening life experience.

I think I've had just like such a surreal moment where I felt like he had saved like such a surreal moment where I felt like He had saved me from my rock bottom and escorted me out of Manhattan just so I could heal and show up and do what I'm doing still today. And it's just it's the most incredible thing in the world and I'm so grateful, so grateful to God and I'm so grateful for this community and I'm so grateful for you all. I truly am. Thank you as always for listening to Date Yourself Instead.

Thank you for being here. I love you. I love you. I love you. I appreciate you. I'm sending you all the love and healing in the new year ahead. 2025 is going to be the most special, beautiful year

of transformation and blessings. And I'm just so grateful to be here. So thank you, thank you. If you love this episode, be sure to share it, like it, like it on YouTube, subscribe. We have a YouTube channel now. And also be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It really does help the show.

If you love this episode, also never hesitate to send me a DM on Instagram, Atlas, or on the podcast account, Add Date Youryourself instead and be sure to check out the masterclasses the mind body soul reset and dare to detach doors open once a month if it's closed just join the waitlist and you'll get an email once they open again I love you thank you again and stay tuned for next Monday