Date Yourself Instead - 5 BIG ways to level the f*ck up in 2024

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

If you're ready to step into your POWER in 2024, this episode is for you. JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS HERE DOORS OFFICIALLY OPEN FOR NEW MEMBERS ON DECEMBER 19TH, 2023.

Okay, I need to take a big sip of coffee before I dive into today's episode. Guys, I retook my own masterclass Dare to D. Tatch this month. For those of you who follow me on Instagram, at date yourself instead, you've already seen this. The Dare to D. Tatch program is the portal to letting go of the bullshit

and leveling up your timeline. So you can attract miracles and abundance into your life, attract new job opportunities, a new relationship, whatever the fuck you want. Okay. I retook my own masterclass recently with the new group of people that came into the class in November and let me tell you, I come home from London.

First I get invited to a luxury spa for a free massage with my best friend. Then my ex calls me, then I get invited to an exclusive party with a bunch of celebrities which is really cool. Then I receive an opportunity for my job that I've been wanting for the last year and a half, and on top of that, yesterday I walked into a coffee shop to meet my best friend, and I see the guy that I've literally made so many episodes about.

He's one of my biggest situations. He's sitting in the window eating, okay? I don't know if he was on a date or working because he was with a girl, but I was like, holy shit, what is happening? I did not end up saying a word to him or saying anything, but we made eye contact through the window. And I felt like I was in some fucking weird movie

or simulation. I can't make this shit up. This was the most insane week of my life. And I don't think there's a coincidence here, okay? The Dare to the Tatch Master class is fucking life-changing. And so many't think there's a coincidence here, okay? The daredee tatch master class is fucking life changing. And so many of the members in the community have said similar things and have had similar experiences. Picture this, you wake up from a text from your ex after months of not speaking, but you're so grounded that it doesn't even bother you

anymore. You go to a coffee shop and someone pays for your coffee because you just attract abundance and you expect good things. You quit your job and find a brand new career that you're so passionate about and you're making triple the amount of money you wear your old job. You upgraded your entire timeline to attract the most luxury, amazing experiences and you cannot wait to jump out of bed every day because you're excited to take on every second of the journey. If you're tired of constantly holding on to what or who isn't good for you and you're ready to let go and step into your power, the Daredee D'Chatch Masterclass is made for you.

It is time to up level into the most amazing version of you for 2024. The Masterclass opens December 19th for all new members and I'm so excited for you all to join us. It's the last opportunity to grab it of the year. So I highly recommend you go check it out and you go download it now because there will be no more opportunities to join the Masterclass in 2023. This is the perfect time to step into your power for the new year, to up level, to upgrade your timeline, and to attract new and amazing opportunities into your life.

It's the best way to learn how to detach and healthy ways, let go and learn how to make yourself the priority of your life. You get four days of videos instructed by me, detailed workshops that focus on rewiring your subconscious mind, reading materials, writing exercises, meditations, and so much more that will help you upgrade your life and heal in the most incredible ways.

I am so proud of everyone who's already a part of the community. We have almost a thousand members, which is insane to me because we just released the Masterclass a couple of months ago. And it's been such an incredible journey. And I love getting to know all of you. The private group chat is one of my favorite parts of all because we're all best friends. We're all in there rooting for each other and supporting each other along our healing journeys and it's amazing. And it's literally amazing. Remember exclusively for the podcast listeners, you could use the code

self-love for $20 off the course. Remember to use code self-love at checkout. I love you and now let's dive into today's episode. Five ways to level the F up in 2024 and prepare for the best year of your life. So there are five main key points we're gonna talk about today. Number one is having boundaries and knowing who you are. Number two is confidence in your thoughts and rewiring your subconscious mind.

Number three is being kind and loving despite the circumstances of your life. Number four is having a solid workout plan to boost your health and your mood. And number five is creating new habits and taking up new hobbies for yourself. So number one, the first thing is boundaries and knowing who the fuck you are

because this is one of the most important things on being able to step into your power and really know your worth and know exactly what you deserve. And when you allow people to cross your boundaries that you've set for yourself, it can really just empower you and make you feel small. People will not take you seriously if you do not have clear, firm set boundaries. And this doesn't mean you have to write this whole detailed list and shop it out to every

person that you're dating or you're interacting with. And you're crazy about it publicly and be like, if this person doesn't do X, Y, and Z, I'm done, this is an internal shift, okay? I want to emphasize this. This is an internal shift where you're actually just very aware of what you will and will not settle for and what you're okay with and what you're not, and people will feel that energetically. People will sense that you have firm boundaries.

Now, I do want you to make an actual list, so you can refer to it when you feel like your boundaries might be crossed. Or if you're new to this concept of boundaries and you've never really set them before, it's just really helpful to make a list. And I want to emphasize that this is internal. People will feel when you really value yourself and you love yourself and you know your worth and what you will and will not stand for.

Boundaries can also apply to any sort of social interaction whatsoever. I've had it had boundaries when it came to my work. I've had it had boundaries when it comes to dating, of course. It's also applied with family members when I feel like there's been certain situations where my parents have been on my back about things and I've had to set boundaries. And I've had to have boundaries in friendships and social circles as well. And this is why it's so important because it really applies to every single human interaction you will have in your entire life.

And once you are clear on what you will and will not tolerate, your world opens up. People respect you more. People will treat you better and differently knowing that you have standards for yourself and you actually know your worth. Now, if you're a people-pleaser and you like to please everyone and you're worried about everyone else's needs, that's a sign you don't have clear boundaries with yourself. It obviously depends on the situation and context and obviously there's going to be times where you have to make exceptions, but on a day-to-day basis, you should know what you're okay with and what you're not and how it makes you feel. If you're struggling

to make personal decisions for yourself, if you have trouble saying no all the time, if you feel weak around people that you work for, if you find yourself in constant social situations that aren't really important and that leave you feeling drained and tired afterwards, if you keep breaking promises to yourself, if you commit to things in your mind and then you just don't stick by them, or if you let people easily persuade you into doing things you don't want to do, or allow people to walk all over you, that is a sign that you need clearer boundaries. An example of boundaries when it comes to relationships is taking your sweet time getting to know someone

which I started doing as of a year ago and it's been such a game changer because I used to rush into relationships and now that I'm taking my sweet time, I can really assess the situation, assess if this person's actually right for me and compatible for me, and you're allowing yourself

that time and that buffer time to really understand if this is a person you're gonna want in your life or not. That's a boundary, not rushing to sleep with someone, building trust over time because you really want to know all of their qualities, the good and bad, and all their layers before diving into a relationship. Because the last thing you would want is to get yourself in another situation

where you feel defeated, heartbroken, and miserable because you allowed someone that wasn't worthy to come into your life and fuck it all up. And I know we've all been there. Another boundary is not allowing people to pressure you into doing things that you don't want to do, which could be hanging out, which could be drinking alcohol and partying and doing drugs, which could be sexual or anything, just really knowing what you're okay with and what you're not before going into any sort of situation is the key here.

There was a guy recently that went to my gym and he asked me for my number. And I didn't see any harm in it because he seemed really sweet. We had a couple of conversations and it seemed pretty platonic and I wasn't really overthinking anything. So I give him my number and he kept texting me and asking me to hang out, make a plan, and he kept following up and just being very persistent. And by that point, I kind of understood that his intentions might be to date me. And maybe he liked me and had some sort of interest in me romantically. And although I didn't know exactly what his intentions were because to date me. And maybe he liked me and had some sort of interest in me romantically. And although I didn't know exactly what his intentions were

because we didn't actually discuss it, it was kind of obvious from the things he was saying and what he was implying and he just kept asking. So I was like, okay, I think he likes me, I think he has some sort of romantic interest, but I had this boundary with me where I wasn't going to date. I wasn't going to date anyone, I wasn't going to pursue me where I wasn't going to date. I wasn't going to date anyone. I wasn't going to pursue anyone. I wasn't going to actively pursue anything that could lead

to a romantic situation because I just wasn't ready. And that's okay. And when you know you have that boundary, you're not going to cross it, especially if you feel like you're just not 100% all in and you don't want to waste anyone's time including your own. So eventually I just had to tell him which was difficult for me to do because I'm a people please are when it comes to making sure people perceive me in a kind way and perceive me in a good light. Sometimes it's hard for me to just say any type of rejection. Even if I say it in a nice way, I'm like, oh my god, I hope I'm not being bitchy, I hope I'm not going to hurt his feelings. And I'm like, oh my god, I hope I'm not being bitchy, I hope I'm not going to hurt his feelings.

And I'm very empathetic. So I went into it being a little nervous, but I knew I had that boundary where I was like, I can't date right now. And he's going to respect that. And if he doesn't respect that, that's on him. That's not on me. It's not your job to convince people to respect your boundaries. So I just kindly and politely told him,

listen, I'm not looking for anything right now and I'm not looking to date at the moment and I'm not sure if that was your intention but it seems like it was. So I just want to be clear about that. And he said he really valued and respected that. I said that boundary and he was grateful that I was communicative about it.

And in the past, I think I would have beat around it and kind of said things to make it so, maybe it wasn't as transparent, just so he could like, perceive me in a better light, but I was pretty direct and straightforward with my boundary. And he actually appreciated that. And I find that it's a lot easier to be so direct and honest

and clear about what you're looking for and tell people that versus beating around the bush or stringing people along or lying about things. That actually makes it more complicated, I think, in the long run. And that's something I've learned throughout the process of setting boundaries for myself. In the past, I might have also felt guilty for setting boundaries in that way. Or guilty for having standards. And if I felt like someone couldn't meet them, I'd try to lower my standards and lower my boundaries to meet them where they're at to make them comfortable. But in the long run, that affected me in a negative way and that drained me and made me feel shitty about myself. So I've learned in the short term,

although it might be easier to neglect your boundaries. In the long term, it is so much better and it is so much more worth it to stand by them and stick by how you feel and what's going to make you feel comfortable. There was another situation about setting boundaries when I was in London in May. And I met a guy and I thought we really got along and he was super cool. But from the beginning, I got the implication that he wanted to have sex with me. And he seemed like he was looking for a hookup

and I didn't like the overall energy of the dynamic. He seemed nice, but also he was a little bit pushy. And I made it very clear. I sent him a message immediately saying, that's not happening, that's something I'm not interested in. I have very firm boundaries when it comes to hooking up, and I don't want to just hook up with you. And if you're looking for that, I totally respect that, and you can do that with whoever you want, but that's not going to be me. And that's what I made clear. And he was like, I respect that you even vocalize that,

and you made that clear because every situation is different for me. And I respect your decision, and I'm okay with that. And I would like to continue and get to know you and not make this a sexual thing, which I valued and appreciated his response. Well, then we talk about a little bit more. I end up seeing him. And then the second time I see him,

he implicated something about sex again. And that's where I wanted to really draw the line, because suddenly I felt very uncomfortable. Boundaries are also important because if you see that people aren't honoring them and they're not respecting your boundaries once you've made them clear, that's a red flag that they're're not respecting your boundaries once you've made them clear. That's a red flag that they're probably not the right person for you or they're probably someone you don't want to keep around in your life because you're going to feel it internally.

If you've set that boundary internally and you know what you will not tolerate and then someone crosses that line with you after you've made it clear what you're all about, you're going to feel it, it's going to feel about, you're going to feel it, it's going to feel icky, it's going to feel weird, it's going to feel uncomfortable and off. And once he kind of crossed that line again, I was like, ew, no, I said what I was looking for, you're making this weird. And I just got myself out of that situation very quickly because I was like, this is not gonna work for me. If you're not gonna respect my boundaries.

And I should have honestly just cut it off right then and there, but there were other conversations that happened where suddenly the dynamic shifted and he apologized and whatever. But it feels so good when you know what you will and will not tolerate. It's the best feeling in the world because then you could weed out people that are just not right for you

and that are probably going to waste your time if you didn't have those boundaries in place. So I've learned to weed out toxic situations so much faster and easier now that I have firm boundaries and it's caused me to level up and attract better people into my life. And if I do go on dates, right? And if I do decide to put myself out there, which I have since, I cut people off immediately if they're not meeting my requirements, because I know what I'm looking for, I know what I stand for, I know my value, I know my worth,

and I'm not going to settle for breadcrumbs, I'm not going to settle for shitty behavior early on. I'm not going to settle for people who are flaky, who are non-committal, who look at me, you know, as a hook up, like, I just, I don't know. The whole thing for me is like, you need to know who you are and how you value yourself and what you will and will not stand for. And that will change fucking everything in your life. It is so fun, dimensional and it is so, so important. In the past, if someone had talked down to me

or demeaned me or made me feel small, I would just pull back and be really passive and let them do whatever they wanted to do. Like go quiet and be like, oh, okay, yeah. And I would just kind of be passive and let them talk their talk. But now, as I've got an older, I've learned how to create really strong boundaries for myself. So if someone talks to me a certain way that I don't like, or they're treating me poorly,

I will stand up for myself and advocate for myself. And I understand my worth, and I'm not gonna allow people to walk all over me. There was a situation with my career where I was pitching my podcasts to networks and all of them were undervaluing my hard work and saying that they couldn't pay me what I was worth. And I have millions of listeners, I have millions of downloads

and I'm not saying this in a conceited way, I've just worked my ass off, okay, to get to where I am. And I've never taken a dollar from anyone. Like most of this podcast I've never taken a dollar from anyone. Like, most of this podcast I've worked for free. I've done the work to build an amazing community and all of you are like the best people ever. And whenever I engage with any of you or I see your sweet DMs, I'm so grateful that I've worked so hard to build a community and also spread the message of self-love and healing. And I'm doing what I love to do and helping people along the way.

And it's the best thing in the world. However, I value it so much. And I also value the audience, which is you guys. And I'm not going to settle for breadcrumbs and take a check just to take a check. And I'm a Capricorn, okay. So when it comes to finances, I have very clear boundaries and I always have.

And I'm not going to settle for something. I find that it's not worth my time. And while I was pitching the podcast to networks and I had an agent at the time who was helping me with this, most of them were coming back and saying, oh, we don't have the money to pay you what you're worth and we don't have the funds to fund your podcast. And I'm like, well, then I'm waiting. I have a boundary with finances too. Okay. So boundaries can apply in any aspect of your life. And I think finances is an important thing to talk about. Career, right? You're not going to settle and you're not going

to tolerate a boss walking all over you and making you feel small. Or someone underpaying you when you are working overtime time or someone just not valuing you the way you know you deserve to be valued because you put your heart and soul into a project. It's just not acceptable. And that's another boundary I had to set with myself for my work. I was like, listen, I work so fucking hard. I poured my blood sweat and tears into this podcast and the brand, and it's something that I love so much, and it's like my baby,

and I'm not going to hand my child something I've built and like work so hard on to help others. I'm not gonna just hand that over for any type of money. It's just not gonna happen. So I decided to move in a different direction, and now I have a class that I, it's the only thing I've monetized. And it's strictly to help people, and I know that it works, and I know that it's a project

that I've put my heart into, and I know that it's genuine to the brand. And I would never want to sell you guys something or promote products that don't feel aligned or that aren't authentic, or that aren't't real or advertise bullshit that isn't going to be really helpful to anyone. It's just not in my nature to do that. So, that's another boundary. Boundaries can apply in so many different areas of your life and that's, I guess, the point I'm trying to make here.

Anyways, okay. So, onto the next topic. The next thing is confidence and rewiring your subconscious mind. Building your confidence comes from within. It's not going to come from any external source. It's not going to come from having a social media following. It's not going to come from the amount of likes you get on your pictures. It's not going to come from a guy texting you back.

That is like instant gratification. Yes, it could give you a little dopamine rush in the moment, but that is not long lasting, okay? That is just instant gratification. Yes, it could give you a little dopamine rush in the moment, but that is not long lasting. That is just something that lasts. You get a little high, you get a little rush, but if those things were taken away, would you still be confident? Probably not.

If you're basing your confidence around those external factors. So building your confidence for real comes from within. It's knowing who you really are. It ties a lot into the boundaries, which is why I got really into the boundaries part of this episode because it's so, so important. It's knowing your worth.

It's knowing what you will and will not settle for. And a lot of confidence for me has stemmed from constant daily affirmations, which is part of my dare to detach masterclass. The reason I'm so passionate about the class is because I designed it to build your confidence and to let go of anything that's toxic for you, that's no longer serving your growth.

And it's also there to rewire your subconscious mind, which is a huge part of up leveling and upgrading your timeline and attracting bigger and better experiences into your life. I wake up almost every day and say my affirm better experiences into your life. I wake up almost every day and say my affirmations, positive affirmations. I am is such a powerful statement. And when you say things like, I am abundant, I am rich, I am powerful, I am the opulent power, I am in control of my destiny. When you say things like that all the time, that is what is going to

shape your future because you are rewiring your subconscious mind to believe that you are this identity. I am. You have to start the affirmations with I am and then follow it with whatever you feel or deem appropriate for your life and for how you want to show up in the world. So other than affirmations for building confidence, exercise is another huge thing that builds confidence because it builds your mental strength as well as your physical strength. And I find having a really solid workout routine is essential for my confidence because it's not about the looks.

I always mention this. It's not about losing weight or looking tone, even though those are benefits that also come with exercise. But it's really about your mental strength. And anytime I'm lifting weights, I'm in the gym, I'm running, I'm doing something active, and listening to empowering music or a podcast, whatever it might be, it's just so good for your mental health.

Another thing that helps confidence, visualization techniques, getting so clear on what you want for 2024 or whatever time you're listening to this podcast episode, get so fucking clear on what you want for 2024 or whatever time you're listening to this podcast episode, get so fucking clear on your goals and what you're trying to accomplish in your life. You have to know what you want out of life. You have to be clear about that in order to manifest in order to attract your desires. In order to get everything you want out of your life and out of your future, you need to know what the fuck you want. What is it that you're looking for? Who do you want to be in six months from now?

Who do you want to be in a year from now? Just get so super clear. Because if you don't know and you're confused and you're like, and you really have no direction and where you want to go, that's going to confuse your brain. Like your brain is not going to know what direction to take you in. And that's something I struggled with for a while. I was like confused about my identity

and who I was and who I wanted to be. But once you get so hyper focused and clear on that, you can have a target to move towards. And that's the beauty of learning more about yourself. And obviously, we're gonna go through phases in life where we might not be sure about what we're looking for. But once you have that goal and that mission, you could start

small, so it's not overly intimidating, but work your way up to bigger goals. Say, like, where do I want to be in a few years from now? Who do I want to be? Who do I want to become? What is my higher self calling me to do? And once you start asking yourself these very important questions, you can work towards something. The other thing with confidence is not being afraid to say yes or no depending on what you want out of life. Don't be afraid to say no if something doesn't feel aligned with you. Don't be a people pleaser. Stop trying to please everyone else. What do you want? If you're friends and value out and you're tired and you want to have a self-care night, just honor that. Don't be afraid to say no and turn down opportunities.

In the fear that someone might be disappointed in you or in the fear that someone might judge you, who the fuck cares, this is your life. You have to honor your truth and what makes you happy. I used to have this guilt attached to saying no to plans and letting people down and, oh, if I don't do this, maybe it'll fuck the rest of my future up. If I don't go to this party, maybe I would have met someone that could have changed my life.

You can think of all these scenarios, of course. However, you still have to honor what you feel because that's what's going to make you most aligned and most in alignment and what's truly going to make you happy when you honor your truth and when you honor what you really want. Stop worrying about everyone else. The next thing is being a kind and loving human being. Now, if you haven't listened to my Send Them Love anyway episode, the ultimate healing guide, I highly recommend after this episode you go and listen to that episode because it's a very powerful one. It's one of my favorite episodes I've ever recorded.

It's so easy to get caught up in negative emotions and hate on people and send people bad energy because you're mad at them, right? We're human. If someone betrays us, if someone lies to us, hurts us, cheats on us, whatever the situation might be for you, it's so easy to fucking hate them. And I get it because I've been there and I've had my moments, okay, where I've gone apeshit on someone because I just didn't like how they were just respecting me and I've lost my moments, okay, where I've gone ape shit on someone because I just didn't like how they were just respecting me and I've lost my cool.

And I get it because it's a motion, we're human beings, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. However, I've really come to understand that sending people love, even if they've hurt you, is the ultimate way to move on from situations and heal yourself. It's more of a self thing than actually worrying about the other person and sending them love.

Because when you're filled with love and forgiveness, everything around you changes. Your timeline will change. You will quantum jump into a new reality where you're going to attract better things because you're so loving and the universe will reward you for being that loving person and not holding onto anger, resentment, and blame, and holding onto the past, and holding onto the people that have hurt you. This is about you and leveling up and filling

yourself with love and forgiveness so you can actually step into your power even more and attract better circumstances into your life. And the loving always find true love. I heard this quote once on a YouTube video. I have no idea what video it was. It was a while ago, but I never forgot it. It really stood out to me. The loving will always find true love. Like the true loving people will always find true love.

You might have some road bumps along the way. You might experience people who take advantage of your kindness along the way, but if you are a really good person and you love and you lead with kindness, that will ultimately be rewarded. I know it will. And I have this fear myself that I have a good horror. I've done so many good things. I love people deeply. Why? You could play the victim and be essentially be like, why did all this bad shit happen to me? But that's no way to live because you're living in the past, you're living in this dark cloud in your head of all these bad memories and toxic things that have happened to you. And you can hang on to that and carry that with you, but it's so fucking heavy.

It's just so heavy. And obviously there needs to be a grieving period and it's okay to be upset, it's okay to be hurt. But there has to be a turning point. We were like, if I want a better future for myself, if I want to level the fuck up and change my whole reality, I need to let go of the past. I need to let go of what hurt me and send that person love, send everyone loving and healing energy, and ultimately, that will heal me, that will heal myself. I'll give you an example. If you're in a fight with someone instead of focusing on all the bad shit they've done to you, redirect your focus onto the good qualities they have brought to you and the good qualities they've shown you in the relationship.

Redirect your focus into the reasons you love them in the first place, and that will shift everything. If you start focusing on the good instead of continuously focusing on the bad and getting mad at them and upset, right? When I was dating my ex, one of the reasons we were so compatible is because we could not stay mad at each other for too long because we loved each other's good qualities more than the bad. And anytime we would get into a fight, I would end up shifting the focus

or he would end up shifting the focus somehow to make one of us laugh and smile and we would end up figuring everything out. There was one of us laugh and smile and we would end up figuring everything out. There was one time we were in LA and we were at dinner, we get in this massive argument and we never really fought that much but this was like one of those fights that I'll always remember and he always remembers

because we brought it up, it became like an inside joke. It became like an inside joke but basically he pulled up his Instagram and there was like a naked model pretty much on his explore page. And there was like a few of them, few different girls. And I'm like, what the fuck is that?

And he's like, oh, it's just the explore page. And I'm like, well, there's an algorithm to the Instagram explore page. So like, why are there naked models all over your explore page? It was like literally at least like 10 pictures. And he's like, I don't know. I have no idea.

And I was like, well, that's fucking shady. And we get in this massive fight. And I'm like, who's pictures have you been liking or looking at that is your whole explore page? And he's like, I don't know. Like, why are you getting mad at me? I didn't do anything. And I was just like, no.

This is so sketchy. So we were actually going from dinner to go get dessert in the car. And he literally stops the car and does like a 180 and turns around and he drives us back to the hotel. And I know that he's so pissed because I never, I like never saw him ever get mad. He's been really mad at me maybe five times

throughout the three years we were dating. And he was pissed because he was turning down the opportunity to go get ice cream and I've never seen that man turn down an opportunity for dessert like ever. So I'm like, oh God, he's actually really mad. And he's like, you're accusing me of something that I don't have control over, like I don't control the Instagram algorithm. I wasn't looking at anything like, he's like, I have no idea. Like I just don't know why those girls are my feet, but I don't know any of them. And I was like, well, I don't know because like, I know that what you interact with is what comes up and blah, blah, blah, which I think is true, but apparently he, you know, wasn't doing anything, which I was just like, I don't believe you.

That was the whole fight. So we get back to the hotel. We're so mad at each other. I was like, I'm done. I'm literally done with this relationship and he's like, good, like I'm glad me too. And I'm giving you guys the real tea here. So funny. So our hotel room has two, had two separate rooms.

It was a bedroom and then a living room So he stays in the living room I go in the bedroom and for 30 to 40 minutes We're not speaking to each other. It's like dead silence. Whatever. There's like such tension I'm like convinced we're breaking up. I'm like this. I'm fucking done like he's lying to me So sketchy and he's in the other room like on phone, doing whatever he's doing, I have no idea. And then about like 45 minutes later, I hear like glasses clinking in the other room, so I'm like, what is he doing? So I get up from the bed and I go into the room and he's sitting there with

room service. Okay, there's a tray there with two mugs and a tea pot. And one of our favorite things to do, well, where are favorite things to do, talking in the past tense, was to drink tea together before we go to bed. And even though he was so mad at me and I was so mad at him, he still ordered me a tea, which for me set a lot because I was like, okay, clearly he's still somewhat cares about me, even though we're both really mad

at each other. And I was still so mad though, and I was like, okay, whatever, he ordered me a tea big deal. Then I pour myself a tea, and it's still dead silent. We're not talking to each other, but then I sit down on the couch, and we're both stirring our tea with our spoons, and we both just turn and look at each other and burst out laughing.

It went from this intense anger to immediate love again. And I realized it wasn't worth making a whole big production out of essentially nothing. Because at the end of the day, I should trust him. Like, he's never really done anything to break my trust. He's never been shady or weird before. And it was really on me to be able to trust him in that moment. And deal with the fact that, okay, even if he did like a girl's picture,

we've been together for three years. I know that he loves me. Whether it was what I thought it was or not, I just knew that it wasn't worth hating him and breaking up over that. There were other issues that a lot of you guys know about based on the podcast, but that wasn't enough of a reason to end things at the time. So we ended up just like laughing about it and we ended up forgiving each other.

And it was just one of those moments where I was like, okay, it was so heated in the moment, we could have just dragged that out for the rest of the night and went to bed angry, but instead we just laughed about it. And we figured it out. And we love each other enough where that's not gonna overpower.

Like that situation isn't gonna overpower. Everything else we've been through that was positive. And I have to give him the credit because he was the one who really shifted the energy. He ordered the tea. And if he hadn't ordered the tea, we would have probably still been in a fight. And by shifting the energy and still being kind of loving and caring towards me and keeping me in mind when he ordered one, he could have just ordered one for himself. And he said that too. He was like, I almost didn't order you on, but I knew that it was better to just do it and suck it up and not let my ego get the better of me. And that's also what I loved about him so much is because he didn't have that big ego when it came to arguments. And we always managed to figure

everything out pretty quickly. And I think that's such an important quality to have in any relationship that you're in. If you do fight, don't let it carry on for fucking days. Don't let that. Don't let these things overpower your love for someone else. And once you learn to leave with love and forgiveness and kindness, it just makes everything a million times easier and better. Number four, as I mentioned before, building a workout routine, go to the gym or create a new workout schedule for yourself to just move your body, even if it's a 30-minute walk every day listening to a positive podcast, which I find has really helped my mental health.

Working out has changed the game for me. I'll switch it up because I get bored really easily. I'll go to boxing, I go to Barry's bootcamp, which is really great. It's like a mixture of running and weightlifting. And I'm thinking about joining like a running club here in New York City. I'm not really sure how that's going to go because I'm kind of scared to run amongst people who are like really good runners. But just opening yourself up to a club, a sport, a hobby, an activity that will keep you active and keep your brain active and kind of shifted in a positive way where you're able to get your body moving and also get some like emotional release out of it is so, so crucial.

And it's so important to up leveling. I attribute like half of my success in my life to keeping my body active and focusing on my health. Because when you focus on your physical health, it bleeds into your mental health and it bleeds into your spiritual health. And everything else in your life, like it really does have a huge profound impact on how you feel about yourself internally.

And this doesn't mean you have to overwork yourself and you do some crazy cross-fit training where you become a bodybuilder. And this doesn't mean you have to overwork yourself and you do some crazy crossfit training where you become a bodybuilder, but just keeping your body moving, that's all. As I said, it could be a walk, it could be a jog, it could be a swimming class, anything, okay? I'm just trying to think of something random here.

Take up a new sport, volleyball, okay? Join some sort of club or activity, bowling, I don't know, anything, okay? Just some sort of club or activity, bowling, I don't know, anything, okay? Just some sort of activity that's going to keep you stimulated and that can overall help your mental health. And the last point, which is tying into a workout routine, but also ties into everything else we've discussed today, creating new habits for yourself. Creating new habits for yourself. Creating new habits for yourself is going to ultimately set yourself up

for massive success in your life overall. Eating healthier, cooking for yourself, getting better sleeps. Now I put my phone in the other room to prevent insomnia and also to prevent my brain from being overstimulated. I'll literally shut my phone off, put it in my kitchen and go to sleep with brain from being overstimulated. I'll literally shut my phone off, put it in my kitchen,

and go to sleep with no phone in my bedroom, and it has been the biggest fucking game changer for me. I sleep so much better without my phone next to me. I don't know if it's a mental thing, I don't know if there's some sort of stimulating factors involved where you know your phone's next to you and your brain knows, so it's turned on more. But when my phone is off and in the other room while I'm sleeping, I get the deepest, most relaxing sleeps ever, and I highly recommend you

start doing that. I also have created a really solid nighttime routine for myself, just to relax after a long and busy day. If you have a crazy work schedule and your life is really hectic and stressful throughout the day, having a really solid nighttime routine might be the best option for you for something to look forward to at the end of the day. So for me, that is making myself a tea. I order sleepy tea from Amazon. It's like tea with a bunch of herbs that apparently help you relax and go to bed could be a mental thing too, but for me, I find it works. I order a sleepy tea, I will either make myself dinner or order food, and I get in my bathrobe, I'll take a hot bath, I'll read some of my book, I'll do something that's going to be really

relaxing and productive for my brain. So for me, that's reading a self-help book. And I don't consume negative bullshit or content. I don't scroll endlessly on TikTok. I am very aware of what I'm feeding my brain, and that is the key here. Being aware of what you're feeding your brain on a daily basis, and especially when you go to sleep, because that's when the brain is rewiring the most, and that's when you're absorbing the most information and processing the most information, so you don't want to be consuming bullshit before bedtime.

You don't wanna be watching trashy things that are gonna make you feel shitty about yourself. I don't know, everyone has their own definition of trashy, but for me, that's like watching someone on TikTok say that all men suck, okay? That's not gonna be healthier productive if you're trying to find a healthy relationship. Or you see someone on TikTok,

bullying someone else, and it's some weird thing. I don't know. You know what I mean, right? It's just like one of those things where you know what's going to be good for you, and you know what's going to be productive for your brain, and you know what's not. And you have to be the judge of that. But for me, I feed my brain with self-help information, I feed my brain with manifestation content, and then I will light a candle in my room, shut off all the lights, and it'll be really dim. And when you are exposed to dim light for a few minutes before bed, I usually do this for 20, 30 minutes.

It produces more melatonin in the body versus just shutting your lights off right away. So I find that having a dim lid environment with candles makes me more tired and helps me get a better rest. So that's my nighttime routine right there. Other habits you can incorporate. Making schedules that you stick by on a daily basis with no exceptions, journaling every morning

or whenever you have free time throughout the day. Learning had a saying no to people or saying yes to new opportunities and opening your aura and your timeline to new and beautiful experiences, being more intentional about the content you consume, which I just mentioned, and doing anything that's going to make you feel passionate about your life. Learning how to bake, learning how to cook, working on a new passion project, creating a vision board, taking up a new hobby, taking up music, art, painting, pottery, going to a museum and observing, whatever is going

to stimulate you in a positive way and make you feel good and happy, lean towards that. Okay. I know for me, when I am consuming other people's lives and what they're doing and what they're up to, that sets me back 10 steps. When I'm on Instagram and I see people's stories and borr-bora and with the love of their lives, great. I'm happy for you, but how is that really benefiting me? It's not.

So I've created a habit of not scrolling anymore. That's my biggest thing. I'm like, I can't consume other people's lives when I'm busy filling up my own cup. And that's what's going to keep me mentally sane. And to each their own, if you can handle it fine, but for me, I'm like, I need to focus on myself and that's what's going to make me feel the best. And that's it. Now I'm going to end this episode with some amazing affirmations that I've created

for you and I want you to repeat after me. I always get what I want. I am the opulent power. I always get what I get what I want. I am the opulent power. I always get what I need out of life. I am the opulent power. I always figure everything out because everything's working in my favor. I am the opulent power.

I am a magnetic force in this world because I am the opulent power. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. As always, be sure to rate it on Apple and Spotify, send me a message on Instagram at date yourself instead or on my personal account at lists. I would love, love, love to hear from you.

I always read your messages. Even if I do not reply right away, I try to go through them and read them. And I appreciate the love and the feedback and support on the podcast as always. Be sure to check out the Masterclass Stairdody Touch Doors open December 19th, December 19th, marker calendars for all new members. And once the doors open, it'll be open for one week only. And that is the last opportunity to grab the class for this year. Use the code self-love for $20 off the course if you are an avid podcast listener, I love you as always. Thank you so much for listening and being here,

and stay tuned for next Monday.