Date Yourself Instead - 5 steps to stop feeling guilty and OWN YOUR POWER.

Episode Date: July 4, 2025

Over the last year, I've started to truly master my inner self and owning who I really am. I've dealt with this feeling of "guilt" underneath my accomplishments and who I was in my 20's, and in my thirties, I've been able to embrace who I am more openly and authentically. There is simply no reason to hold back who you truly are. You're a divine goddess put here to manifest your dreams, attract unlimited abundance and become your greatest self. IT'S TIME TO SHINE BABY.

Good morning everyone and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. I had the best sleep of my life last night so hopefully it translates into today's episode. I had such a busy day yesterday. London is really keeping me social. It's really keeping me active and forcing me to step out of my comfort zone which I'm so so so grateful for. I absolutely love this city so much and the weather has been incredible. I just feel very blessed and lucky that I'm able to experience London in the

sun and it's been a dream. For the last three years I've wanted to move here and now that dream is becoming a reality and it's the most amazing feeling in the world. I've been talking about London on the podcast since the very first episode. I actually recorded an episode. It's more of an interview episode yesterday with my friend Brogan and she lives here in the UK. One of the first questions she asked me was, what was your first podcast episode about? The first line of my very first episode says, I went to a psychic and she told me that I was going to move to London. And that was three

years ago. So it was such a full circle moment when she was asking me that because three years later here I am, I'm in the UK and I'm in the process of trying to get my visa sorted. It's a little bit of an interesting situation because I didn't realize how much work has to go into that, but I'm doing it. I'm really pulling the trigger and doing it. So very exciting news. On today's episode, we're going to be talking

about our power as women. We have to stop apologizing for our power. It is time to stop apologizing for our power. It is time to stop apologizing for being the incredible woman that you are, for being a powerful, confident, radiant woman. You have to own your power instead of run away from it. I've always been afraid to fully claim every ounce of who I was,

and I would pour my heart and my energy and my time into dating and into relationships instead of using it to anchor my passions and fuel my future and fuel my creativity. I was afraid and shying away from my destiny and my power. As I've gotten older and I've done the healing work, I've realized how much I was shying away from my truest self. When a woman activates her truth, the universe

rearranges itself in her favor and she gets everything she wants out of life. It's a fact. Let me repeat that. When a woman activates her truth, the universe will rearrange itself in her favor. You start manifesting your dreams. You start going after what you want out of life. You become a human super magnet for blessings and miracles and abundance all the time because you were fully owning who you are. You're fully embracing your authentic self. You're truly stepping into your higher self. On today's episode, I really want to cover this concept of really embracing who you are and being so anchored and grounded

in your energy field that nothing can stop you. You become a powerful magnetic force where people are looking up to you for inspiration. People are asking you how you did it, how you made it, how you became as successful as you did. Another thing we were talking about in the episode that's gonna be coming out very soon with Brogan was this concept of dimming your light

in order to make other people feel satisfied. That's something I've also done many times in my life. I've had so many creative ideas locked away in my brain that I never capitalized on because I was always willing to sacrifice that for a relationship or for a man. And looking back, I realize all the time I spent doing that and trying to find a boyfriend, trying to get into a relationship and focusing on men, I could have been pouring all of that love,

energy and power into myself, into my creative flow. And I don't know what I would have done at that time. I could have written 10 books by now. I could have been on stage by now. I could have been doing a million different things, put out an album by now. Now everything happens in divine timing and I believe everyone's path is unique. And I wouldn't have this podcast right now

if I hadn't gone through all of those experiences where I drained my power and leaked my energy into relationships instead of poured it into myself. However, I will say, if I could teach you guys one thing on today's episode, I want it to be that you can love yourself so much that you don't need to seek validation from anything outside of yourself.

And when you master that, you're gonna be able to become the most anything outside of yourself. And when you master that, you're going to be able to become the most powerful version of you. You're going to be able to elevate and rise and accomplish all of your dreams, accomplish all of your goals, and get literally everything you want out of life. You're going to become such a powerful manifestor when you master this, okay? We're not apologizing for our power anymore. We are owning it.

We're not here to beg for crumbs. We're not here to chase anyone. We're not here to dim our light anymore. We are owning it. We're not here to beg for crumbs. We're not here to chase anyone. We're not here to dim our light or play it safe in this world. We're going to rewrite our rules, rewrite the timeline, step into our highest self. We're gonna walk away from anything that drains us and we're going to fully embrace our goddess energy.

We're going to take up as much space as humanly possible. It's not time to play it safe and small anymore. We've done that. I've always shrunk myself to cater to someone else and make someone happy and satisfy someone in a relationship. But this is the era of rising into your highest self. It's the era of taking up space boldly, unapologetically. So let's begin. The first thing I want to talk about is probably the most important thing because I'm sure a lot of you are going to be able to relate to this concept of feeling guilty. Now, when you're truly in your divine feminine energy and you're truly anchored in your power, you're

not going to feel guilty anymore. If you are constantly feeling guilty for not pleasing everyone else and putting yourself first before other people, that is going to hold you back and weigh you down and drain your energy field. Over the course of my life, I've realized that a lot of why I held myself back from stepping into my highest timeline

is because I felt a sense of guilt. I felt conditioned to be guilty because I was prioritizing myself. A lot of people would say to me, you're selfish. You're selfish because you want to work instead of hang out with your friends. You're selfish because you want to put yourself first instead of do what I tell you to do. You're selfish because you you wanna follow your own path and forge your own lane and rewrite the rules of your life instead of do what I'm telling you to do,

or instead of following the crowd like you're supposed to do, heavy quoted on supposed to do. And although I've always been a woman that's very independent and I've always tried to forge my own lane, there was this little voice inside of me that felt slightly guilty. Like if I didn't do what everyone else wanted me to do,

or if I didn't follow the rules according to what society told me to do, that something was wrong with me. That I was being selfish in my own way because I wasn't listening, or I wasn't pleasing my mom and dad, and maybe building the life that they expected of me. Now, it's not to say my parents aren't supportive

because they 100% are and they believe in everything that I do. But growing up, I do feel like there was this part of me that held back because I was letting people down if I focused on my goals instead of went out with my friends or I was being judged for it. If I wasn't drinking and partying and doing what everyone else was doing in college,

I was weird. There was a sense of guilt, like I wasn't living up to the expectations of what my friends wanted me to do with them. If I decided to put myself first in a relationship and started building my brand. My boyfriends at the time, they would be like, you're too focused on your work

and start to get envious of what I was doing. And then I would feel guilty about it. Like, oh, maybe I'm doing too much. I'm too much. I'm taking up too much space. There are a lot of reasons why we can feel guilty as women by culture, by our family, by our religion that we were raised women, by culture, by our family, by our religion

that we were raised with, by society, okay? There's so many different reasons why we could feel this sense of guilt. But guilt is one of the lowest feelings and emotions on the vibrational scale of the universe. When you're vibrating at the frequency of guilt, it's going to be hard to manifest, it's going to be hard to pursue your dreams,

and it's going to be hard to manifest. It's going to be hard to pursue your dreams. And it's going to be hard to tap into your highest potential because guilt will block that. Guilt as a frequency will block your blessings. Receiving as a woman is your natural state because when you're owning your feminine energy, which I'm going to make an entirely separate episode on really embracing your divine feminine. When you fully own your divine feminine energy, receiving is your natural state. You don't have to deserve good things in life. You're worthy of receiving miracles. You're worthy of receiving everything you've ever wanted out of life just by being you.

If you're a good person with a good heart, you deserve all the blessings, all the manifestations you want, all the miracles you want, just by existing. You were born worthy of everything that you've ever wanted, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. When you truly at your core believe you're worthy of deserving the best of the best at all times, you start to dissolve that feeling of guilt. When you love yourself so much, you start to understand that just by existing, that's enough. You don't have to earn the right to miracles. You don't have to earn the right to getting everything you want.

We are divine women and we're born to receive. When we're in receiving mode, we're in our truest form of power. The next thing is saying no means you love yourself. I've had this issue of feeling guilty, saying no to a lot of different people in a lot of different situations in my life, but particularly with men who would do things for me,

I would feel like I owe them something. I would feel like I owe them something back right away. Like, oh, if they wined and dined me and bought me flowers, I suddenly owe them me. I owe them either more time spent with me or I owe them intimacy or something along those lines. Okay, you get the point. I'm sure you've had an experience like this before.

It was so hard sometimes for me to say no and deny a man if he did something for me. It was like, oh okay so he took me to dinner, he took me on three dates, I may have to sleep with him now and I would feel guilty the more I hung out with him or spent time with him and I didn't. Saying no and having boundaries and loving yourself and prioritizing what you want and what's best for you is the biggest act of self love and devotion and worship to yourself and your soul. When you say no and you honor your truth, people not only respect you more,

but you're more in your feminine mode, you're more in receiving mode, and you're eliminating that feeling of guilt once again. There is no reason to feel guilty for honoring who you are in your truth and putting yourself first and holding your frequency of self-respect. There is no reason to feel guilty. If you don't want to do something, if you don't feel like you owe that person anything back, you don't owe them anything back. You don't have to please someone else just because they did something for you. The truest form of love from another person

is giving without expecting anything in return. So if someone is giving you something, if someone is courting you and expecting something from you in return right away, that's not the right person for you. And that's something I've learned throughout the course of dating, throughout the course of my relationships is

there is no reason to feel like you owe someone your time, your energy or your body just because they spent money on you or took you to dinner. So look at saying no as a form of self-respect and look at saying no as a way to own your power even more. The more you master it and the more you hold your frequency of self-respect and you do what works for you and you honor what's best for you, you become more powerful. The next thing is you become more powerful when you stop over explaining yourself or justifying why you do certain things. And I'm guilty of this,

I've done this before, where you feel like you owe someone an explanation and you have to justify your actions or justify the things that you do when it works for you because other people are Going to make you feel guilty about it But the more you stop over explaining what you need to do for yourself the more powerful you become You don't owe anyone explanations That's something really big I've learned with building my brand building my career over the last 15 years, being in the world of social media, when people are questioning what I'm doing, how I'm rebranding, why I'm not taking and signing contracts that are millions of dollars because I'm honoring my truth over a paycheck.

Even the other day, I met someone who was questioning what I did for work and grilling me on my creativity process and what I was doing and what I did for work and grilling me on my creativity process and what I was doing and what I was building. And I was just like, this would be really exhausting if I felt the need to explain myself, but I'm just gonna cut the conversation. Five years ago, I would have spent the next two hours talking to this person, leaking my energy field,

not prioritizing my needs and draining my power just to explain myself to someone. To a complete stranger who I owed nothing to. Five years ago because I had no boundaries I would have done that but instead I cut the conversation. With grace, with love, you can do it gracefully. I truly have started mastering the art of not explaining. Sorry I don't owe you an explanation for what I'm building. I don't owe you an explanation for why I do the things I do in my life, for why I operate the way that I do.

This is my life. This is my choice. These are my decisions. If I'm not harming anyone in any way, shape or form, and I'm just doing what's best for me because I love myself, I don't have to explain myself to anyone. That is what being unapologetic in your power really means. You own your truth.

You don't feel guilty about being who you are. And you really understand where you're going with your life. Now that's gonna transition into the next bullet point here, okay? You really have to understand where you're going in life in order to fully own your power and fully embrace your truth. And that's something I struggled with in my 20s.

I wanna emphasize that there are gonna be periods of your life where you struggle with this because everything ebbs and flows. And sometimes we get lost in the noise, in seeing what other people are doing, in seeing other people accomplish their dreams. Social media has made things a bit confusing at times because we're doing one thing. We choose a certain path, and then we see what everyone else is doing, and maybe their lives look technically better online than ours.

And we start comparing and we do the comparison game. And what happens is we start straying from our own mission and our own goals because we start comparing. You have to get clear on what you want and go tunnel vision mode on it. When you're truly in your power, you're not comparing yourself to anyone else. You're looking at what you're doing every day

and saying, I'm on the right track. And that's that. I'm not comparing my life to anyone else. I'm not comparing my timeline to anyone else. I'm doing what I've got to do for me and that's it. It doesn't matter who's on what vacation. It doesn't matter who's on Forbes 30 under 30. It doesn't fucking matter.

This is what I have to do for my life. And I'm going full blown locking in tunnel vision mode on my life and my goals. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my background, my history in my career, I started Instagram over 15 years ago. I would say whenever the app came out, I was one of the first, I guess you could say, influencers on Instagram. But at the time, it wasn't even called an influencer. We were just brands, I guess, online.

And there was a big fitness community. Instagram was very fitness focused back in the day before it became this major global platform with all of these different categories. And I started very early on the platform and I've watched it evolve so, so much. As the app has developed and all of these people started getting on it and all these brands started using it,

I started questioning my value and what I was building and my vision. It really did deplete my confidence in many different ways. I remember when I had first started, I was so excited about it and I was laser focused on me. Always laser focused on me, tunnel vision mode. I was like, I'm gonna lock in, I'm gonna build a brand on Instagram

and I'm gonna do what I gotta do. I woke up every day excited with tons of energy ready to create. And then as the app changed and developed over the course of time, and the landscape started changing in social media, I didn't intentionally compare myself to anyone else, but it was almost inevitable.

I started leaking my power, and I started losing confidence. I will say over the last year, I've definitely rebuilt that confidence back. I feel way more confident than I ever have comparatively to all the other years. It's taken time, but I realized that the biggest key component into rebuilding my power and my confidence

was to go tunnel vision on my life and to not look at the million other people posting. Social media becomes way more enjoyable when you stop obsessing over other people's lives. And I never like obsessed, but I will say, even scrolling for 15, 20 minutes when I could have been maybe doing something creatively for myself was leaking my energy and my power.

So just be mindful. It's okay to consume content that inspires you. The content that inspires you, that lifts you up to create more, to do better in your life, that's the content that matters. But all the other stuff is just noise. It's just mental garbage. So clear it out. Make space for the content that fuels you and inspires you, number one.

And two, start going tunnel vision on your life, okay? Be cutthroat with what you're consuming and put all of that energy that you're consuming into creating. The next thing is learning how to hold your frequency regardless of the external circumstances, which is a big one. I'll give you an example. I've had quite a few men in my life here since I've landed in London. I don't know what's going on, but all these people are coming out of nowhere. Just asking me out, texting me, people from 10 years ago are randomly making appearances back into my life. I'm like, okay, this is interesting. Let's have some fun with this. I'm in this very beautiful growth stage of my life

where I've just moved to a new city. I'm getting situated and yeah, it's just been really entertaining and really exciting. And I'm looking at this chapter as this chapter really, not only focusing on myself and harnessing my feminine power, but also just having fun with dating. I'm using it as an experiment to hold my frequency. Instead of getting sidetracked and obsessing over, oh, am I going to go out to dinner with this guy? Is he going to message me back? Is he going to call me? Does he

like me? Things I thought about years ago, now I'm in a place in my life where I'm like, that is the last thing on my list of things to do because I'm building an empire. I have a list of priorities and that's at the bottom and it's still something I want to do, it's still something I care about, you know, getting to know different people is important, but I can nourish other parts of my life now that are more important, such as my health, taking really good care of my body, making sure I'm in the best shape of my life, mentally and physically and spiritually, nourishing my female friendships,

connecting with like-minded women who are also in the same space as me, making an effort in my female friendships, whether it's work- related or just personal, and really prioritizing my female friendships and being more in my feminine energy as I'm nourishing these connections. Experiencing new things here in a new city, taking myself out to different places that I've never been, staying in touch with my family, making sure that's a priority over anything else. Taking up new hobbies.

I'm still dying to go horseback riding and start that up again. I'm also dying to start my music career again, write new music. Maybe I'll post some clips of my songwriting on Instagram. We'll see about that. If you follow me on Instagram, add date yourself instead,

you might get a little sneak peek of the songwriting, behind the scenes songwriting that I've been doing and that I've done in the past. There are just so many things that I could fill my schedule with instead of worrying about dating. And you know how the laws of the universe work and you know how energy works. The less you focus on something and you remove the emphasis on it, the more it comes into your life. That explains in a way why so many people are coming at me. I'm not saying this in any conceited way, shape or form. I'm just telling you the laws of the universe.

The less you care, the more you get in whatever you're focusing on. The less you put your energy onto something, the easier it is to rush into your life because you're not obsessing over it and you're relaxing and you're just trusting and that's what true surrender and detaching really is about. You're creating a vacuum of space because when you truly release what you want, it's able to flow in effortlessly and fast. Could happen like that overnight.

When I tell you the last year and a half, I've barely spoken to anyone dating wise. Any man. Because part of me was very closed off and guarded. My heart was guarded. And the second thing is I just wasn't in that mental space. I wasn't ready. And everything happens in divine timing. Now that I'm here and I'm opening my heart space again

and I'm not caring at the same time, I have a million things to do. I have my work to focus on. I have friendships to focus on. I have hobbies to focus on. And I've put it last on the list. That's when everyone here has started coming out of the woodworks

because it's the last thing on my to-do list. I think I cracked a code with this one. Try it for yourself. Make a to-do list and put dating at the bottom and see what happens. I'm not saying don't date. I'm just saying focus more on the other things that light you up in life.

Build a life you love and build yourself up. Build the home within. Now I'm starting a new brand and giving you guys a little preview right now, a little teaser of it about building the home from within. It's the most important thing of all. Once you build the home from within, you become that magnet that doesn't need to try so hard

to find your husband, to meet the love of your life, to get your dream job, to make that extra $20,000 bonus at work, whatever it is, because you're so grounded in your energetic space and in your field and in your body and the universe responds. The universe responds to groundedness when you're so anchored in your energy field. We've been taught that manifestation is this huge thing

on social media where you have to make all these vision boards and write everything down a million times and pray and manifest and all this stuff. We've put so much emphasis on making it a full-time job to manifest when really manifesting is just anchoring in your own frequency and staying there and being. You are the person already that has everything that they want.

You have to feel into it and you don't have to do anything else. You really don't have to do anything else. The less you try, the less you push, the less you force as a woman, the more you get and the more you receive. That's what being in your divine feminine really is. That's what being fully in your power is really about.

As I said, I'm going to make a full part two of this because I have so, so, so much to talk about on being in your divine feminine and being in reception mode at all times and what it's taught me because this year has really been about mastering that for me. I'm also releasing a very special master class on this. All very exciting.

But one of the secrets to truly getting everything you want out of life, to getting the dream job, to being adored by any man that you want, is owning your feminine power. It's worthy of a full episode in itself. So I will be getting more into that very, very soon. And if you're interested in learning more about this, comment a pink heart on this episode on Spotify or comment, comment anything. I don't know you have to comment,

you can comment anything you want. I don't know why I said pink heart. You can comment anything. If you're interested in learning more about this concept, leave me a comment on Spotify and let me know because I'm really excited about it. And I think a lot of you will benefit from this information. The beauty also about remaining in your frequency as a woman and choosing yourself and holding your state of power and not wavering is that the right people will always rise to meet you where you're at. Something I was talking about yesterday in this interview I did was this concept of what

you're going to tolerate in life. Your life pans out according to how much you're going to tolerate. Let me say that again. Your relationships in your life will pan out according to what you will and will not tolerate. If you're saying, I would never date a man that is inconsistent and is bad at communicating, and then you find yourself in a situation where someone is being inconsistent and not communicating,

and you're still energetically willing to message them back and entertain them potentially and say, you know what, maybe they'll change, maybe they're different, you're not only leaking your power, but you're wavering from your frequency and you're communicating to the universe that you're not standing on business and you're not standing in your power.

And then your relationships will pan out accordingly because you're going to attract people that don't see your value and don't appreciate your worth and make you leak your power. So you have to practice anchoring yourself in your divine power and frequency and holding it, holding your boundaries, holding your standards firm and not wavering.

It may be hard when you're in a season of loneliness. I get it, I've done this, I'm guilty of it. I've gone back to X as many times. I'm speaking from personal experience. I have my moments too, where I fall back, not as much anymore. But over the last few years, I've wavered in my boundaries because I was lonely. I had episodes of loneliness where I would tolerate things that I shouldn't have been tolerating. But the more I've learned how to respect what I said I was going to do and respect my word

and honor my highest self, the better my life has gotten in so many incredible ways. Sometimes you have to disrespect yourself and waver in order to rise even higher. That's something I've really taken from the last few years. Sometimes even though in the moment I'm like, I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be entertaining an ex-boyfriend, I shouldn't be tolerating this. What I've learned through all of those mishaps and blips in the timeline where I went back or I entertained someone from my past is that sometimes we need those reoccurrences to remind us of our power even more. And there's nothing wrong with that, unless it's a dangerous situation.

That's the exception I always say, if it's a actually damaging, dangerous situation for yourself and your soul. Sometimes we need to go back to remind ourselves of our worth even more, and to remind ourselves of what we deserve even more. Every time I've gone back to an ex and it didn't work out again,

it snapped something inside of me where I was like, F this, I'm really done now. And sometimes you just need that one more try, that one more push to get yourself to the next level, okay? Sometimes you just need that one more experience. At first, I felt guilty about that when I would go back, especially because I know I preach on self-worth, right? But then I'm like, you know what?

I'm human, number one. And two, I needed that experience again to get me exactly where I'm supposed to be today. I needed to take one step back again to launch myself 10 steps forward into my power, into my purpose, into my mission. And without all of those experiences, I wouldn't be the woman I am today

and I wouldn't be sitting here recording this episode today. And that's a beautiful fucking thing. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Remember you are a powerful divine goddess and you deserve the world. You deserve everything you've ever wanted out of life. You deserve all the blessings, abundance and miracles that you've asked for and prayed for. I'm here for you.

I love you. Thank you so much as always for the support on the podcast, your messages on Instagram, your comments on Spotify, the ratings, everything, all the support keeps me going, keeps me motivated. I love you so much. This community is the best community in the world. I'm so, so grateful every day I get to wake up and do this.

If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. It really helps the show grow. Share it with a friend. Share it on your stories. I see everything. I love you. I'm grateful for you.

And stay tuned for next Monday.