Date Yourself Instead - DETACH to ATTRACT - how being detached helps you manifest faster

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

DETACHMENT SPEEDS UP MANIFESTATION. When you truly let go, miracles happen. I WANT YOU TO UPLEVEL. UPGRADE. DETACH. BE FREE. BE F*CKING HAPPY. Because...why not? If you need a little push or a sign from the universe, this episode is for YOU. Detach to attract. LINK TO THE DARE TO DETACH COURSE Download instantly and get started on creating your dream life. Also be sure to sign up for my free meditation and reframe worksheet. With all the love and gratitude, Lyss

Are you ready to step into your power for 2024? Are you tired of holding on to what or who is not good for you? Are you ready to let go of the dusty men taking over your life? Are you feeling just overall stuck and discouraged? Because you know your higher self is calling for a massive uplevel. Are you ready to become the best version of you? It is time to step into your power. My Dare to Detach Masterclass is designed to help you let go and set yourself free. So you can upgrade your entire life. You're going to become unstoppable and unrecognizable. There is no more time to waste. Our community members are saying that this course has completely shifted their realities.

One of the reviews I just got in my DMs. I have never really messaged an influencer before, but I just wanted to say I bought your Dare to D-touch masterclass and wow. I felt like I had been stuck on so many past things including my ex who made me feel so bad about myself all the time. And after taking the class, I feel like an entirely different person. Thank you so much and keep up the great work. You're saving people's lives, including me. Another amazing review I recently got in my DMs. I retook this class again just because it was that good and I swear I've manifested so many things in the last few days. My situation ship just asked me on a proper day, LOL, and I got a brand deal for way more money than I expected.

Also, I love you and your podcast. I love you too. Okay, guys, for real though, I know you've heard it before in the podcast if you're a loyal listener. The Masterclass Dare to Detach program is officially live, and it's an amazing way to step into the new year and learn how to make yourself number one. You get four days of videos by me, detailed workshops that focus on rewiring your subconscious mind, reading materials, writing exercises, amazing

meditations that I use myself, and so much more that is going to help you upgrade your entire life and heal in the most amazing, healthy ways. Also, my favorite part of all is the private group chat. We're all in there rooting for each other, supporting each other. It is so empowering and so incredible to be a part of it. And I am so excited for you to join us. Make sure you sign up soon, doors close at the end of the month, and I cannot wait for you to be there. Honestly, it is a game changer.

I am so proud of all of you who have already joined, and I love getting to know you guys on a deeper level in the community. Remember if you're a listener of the podcast, you can use the code self-love for $20 off at checkout. Remember to use the code self-love for $20 off of the course at checkout. I love you and now let's dive into today's, which is all about detachment. Detachment is about truly and fundamentally trusting the process of your life and understanding that your life is about you and no one else. You are not put on this earth to be anxiously attached and fixated and hyper-focused on anyone else's life. If we're talking about your actual child that you need to take care of, that's a completely

different story because you should be focused on taking care of your child and being selfless. But if you're hyper focused on a man, for example, that you're not even officially dating, or if your hyper focused on a toxic situation, or relationship that just isn't working, and you're doing everything you can and it's draining the life out of you, or if you're chasing after someone that does not give you the time of day, why are you putting yourself through that misery? Not only are you holding your entire life back,

but you're actually blocking your energy and staying stuck. And when we attach and fixate on things that are not good for us and that aren't aligned with our higher self, we can actually block our manifestations from coming into our life because we're blocking our own energy and we're blocking our ability to be in this relaxed receiving mode. Manifestations come in when we're in a relaxed state of receiving. Manifestation is when you're able to bring your greatest desires into your reality through your intentions, right?

And through the power of your mind and thoughts. Whatever you want can be yours through the power of manifesting. But it's easy to also block your manifestations when you are constantly focused and fixated on the wrong things in your life. You can be blocking your manifestations by clinging onto things that are not good for you. You can actually delay the process of them coming.

And on today's episode, I really wanted to talk about how detachment is actually the key to accelerating the manifestation process and how detaching can actually help you manifest easily and faster and change your entire reality for the better. I want to talk about this because I want to make sure that you guys are living your life to its fullest and living your life

to its greatest potential. You deserve to have every single thing that your heart desires. You deserve to have everything you want in this lifetime. But I know from personal experience, when I've held onto things that weren't good for me or people that were holding me back, it was way harder for me to manifest and create magic in my life because I was in a constant state of fight or flight. I was in a constant state of anxiety and panic, and I was constantly wavering in this resistant type of energy. I'm gonna tell you a little story that happened to me when I let go of someone who was taking down my business

and talking down my career goals, and I was dating them, and I was in a situation with them for a very long time in college. I knew the relationship was supposed to end for a while, but I was very attached to this person, and I couldn't really end it because I love them. And when you love someone, it can be really hard to end a relationship because you want to see the potential in it changing. You want to see the potential in maybe, you know, it eventually will work out because you both love each other.

But I was just very attached. And it was setting me back in my career goals and what I was trying to accomplish. I'm trying to accomplish. I'm going to get into all the details now. So I couldn't really end the relationship, but it felt like this heavy weight in burden weighing down my dreams and my goals. And we always hear the stories, you know, like once this person lets go of someone and then they go through a breakup, they have this major glow up, right? That's essentially what happened to me. I finally made the decision to cut all ties and all this magic started to happen. When you have a glow up after a break up,

it's because you're cutting out what's no longer serving your growth and your higher self is ready to ascend to the next level and you start drawing and attracting all these amazing things into your life. So when I was dating this person who was very critical of the brand I was building, it was definitely weighing me down, it was slowing down my manifestations

and it was holding me back from progressing into my future self. And at the time when I was in college, I was working on my Instagram. If you don't follow me on Instagram, go follow me at lists. That was my original Instagram, LYSS. It's still my personal Instagram account. My Instagram engagement, fucking sucks ass because I created my account 12 years ago. So if you want to follow me and share some love and, you know, boost the engagement, go ahead. That would be, that would be appreciated. I'm, I'm, I'm totally getting. But I have, I have two Instagrams and I have the podcast account, which is my favorite thing ever because I have such an amazing community on there and I love reading all of your messages. And then my main Instagram account is LIS.

So that was the account I was building in college at the time. I really wanted it to become a full-time business. I started making money and I was monetizing that account and I was determined to graduate college with a social media business. It was still a very new concept, but I was so driven and determined to make it work. So I started going on my phone all day every day.

I was addicted to my phone. I was working. I was building this brand. No one really understood what I was doing. And I've mentioned this on other episodes. Like while I was building. I was building this brand. No one really understood what I was doing. And I've mentioned this on other episodes. Like, while I was building my Instagram account, people were making fun of me the whole time and bullying me. And it was this whole thing. But I was addicted to trying to make something of myself. It was this dried and this hunger that I had of needing to do this because I didn't want to do anything else after I graduated. And I realized I loved

social media and the world of social media and being on my phone was exciting to me. I really feel like I was born to have a career in this industry and at the time it was so exciting and fresh for me. But the person that I was in a relationship with hated it. He hated that I was on my phone. He hated that I was on Instagram.

He thought it was the dumbest thing in the world. He kept shitting on me and he hated the fact that I wasn't paying attention to him anymore. I cared about him a lot. I loved him a lot, but I remember there were so many instances where he got so upset at me and so annoyed and frustrated because all of my attention went from the relationship, which was already kind of on the verge of ending anyway.

And it went into my business. And suddenly my life was all about making something for myself instead of about a guy. And like, that's totally okay. And obviously there can be a balance. You could obviously succeed in your career and also be deeply in love. But that relationship was on the verge of ending anyway. So it was kind of like my way of also escaping the breakup

because I knew it was coming and it was inevitable at some point and I became so heavily invested in my goals. I felt my vibration shifting. I felt myself ascending into the next level of my life. And when that happens, people start to drop off the map and people who aren't right for you are not gonna understand your path and they might get mad at you

and they might get upset with you. So while I was working on myself and working on my brand, I became so laser focused on that and then everything started to change. After he realized that I wasn't... after that this person realized that he wasn't the main focus of my world anymore. One night I went on my phone and saw that he deleted my Instagram account. He somehow got a hold of my phone for a few minutes, went on my phone and deleted my Instagram account that I had spent the last few months building. I maybe had like 15 or 20,000 followers and I was already monetizing it. And he deleted it.

Okay. So he deleted it, okay? So he deleted all the work that I had done. And I couldn't get it back, and at the time Instagram was really still new and glitchy, and like, you couldn't just reach out to customer support. Like, I didn't know how to do that. I was freaking out, and not only was I so upset, but I also realized right then and there,

that was a good enough reason to end things in the relationship. So I ended up breaking up with him and thankfully I was just so motivated and so driven that even lit a bigger fire under my ass that I saw it as only a minor blip in a much bigger picture of things. I ended up creating a new Instagram account and I started from scratch and it ended up being an even better decision because for some reason that new fire under my ass and new fresh energy of making a new account

made it take off really fast. I ended up tripling my following. I ended up growing the account really fast. It was like a whole new chapter of my life. And I think it was pretty symbolic because it felt like the old account was kind of tainted by my old relationship dynamic and it was like once I started the new one, it was a complete energetic shift and I realized it was a new beginning for me, but it was the principle of him getting in the way of what I was supposed to be doing. And once I cut ties and let that relationship really go, everything started to shift for the better and I started to up level like fucking crazy. So once I ended things with this person, everything else in my life started to shift for the better, and I started to up level like fucking crazy. So once I ended things with this person,

everything else in my life started to take off and accelerate. I started making new friends. I started making more money. I started growing my social media channel faster. I started attracting new people into my life that were more aligned with my vision, and I started putting myself out there,

going on more dates, getting to know people, and just my overall self, like I didn't even recognize my past self. It suddenly felt like I had shifted timelines, and I was this new version of me, and I was so laser focused on my passion and my goals, that's suddenly the universe responded to that. And suddenly all my manifestations and things that I didn't even know I wanted started happening. And I started meeting amazing people, and just everything in my life felt like lighter, easier, freer, and just overall better. I was aligning with bigger and better things because I had detached from what was no longer

serving my growth. I didn't even realize how much the relationship had been weighing me down until I completely cut it off. Because even if you're on the verge of ending something but you're not fully there, you can't trick the universe. The universe knows when you really cut energetic ties with someone. Even if you're currently broken up with someone and you think the court is cut, if you're still thinking about them all the time and you're still living in the past with them and you're still, you know, holding onto the past memories with them and you're still talking about them to your friends, that energetic tie has not been cut.

It's the same thing as if you're dating them. If your attention is on them and your energy is still on them, you haven't cut the energetic cord and the universe knows that. And it will reward you based on your level of detachment. So by actually detaching and cutting the cord, I started to level up. I started trusting the process. I started trusting the process. I started letting myself feel energetically free. And that created so much room for my manifestations to come in.

When you clear out any resistance, that's when everything starts to shift. Resistance will keep you stuck. So anytime you're in a situation when you're clinging onto the outcome of something or you're so attached to the future with someone or you're trying so hard in a relationship that's toxic and you're trying to make it work, you are creating so much unnecessary resistance that's causing things to become slow, stagnant, and stuck in your life. And that's also why I created the Dare to Detach Masterclass, which you can get on my website and in the show notes.

That masterclass is specifically designed to release all of the resistance and to clear out any resistance that you can, that might be holding you back and you can up level. And I've been there so many times and that's why I know that feeling when you feel stagnant and it feels like your life isn't heading anywhere and you're just in this like standstill because you're constantly waiting on other people

to get you to the next level of your life. You're constantly in this waiting energy where you're like, okay, once I figure out my relationship with this person, then everything else will fall into place. No, you have no time to waste your life is short. Once you detach and clear out what's no longer serving you, that's when your life gets better. It's not when you're clinging on to things

that aren't good for you. Also, if you're begging out of desperation for your manifestations and you're like, hey, where's my manifestation? I tried manifesting this the last six months and nothing's happening. If you're constantly questioning what you're trying to manifest, you're also creating resistance that way too.

So if you're constantly harping on the timing of it and you're like, when is it coming? Why isn't it happening? That will also keep you stuck. Rule number one, detachment is going to clear out the resistance and allow things to flow easily into your life. Rule number two is you need to get in the mindset of that your life is filled with infinite possibilities

and anything is possible for you. You are here to create your wildest fucking dreams and don't listen to anyone that tells you otherwise. You're here to manifest anything you want in this lifetime, whether it's a new job, whether it's a new person, you know, the love of your life, whether it's money, it could be literally anything. You were meant to create the life of your dreams,

and it's all about your mindset, and you have to clear these subconscious blocks, and it's all about getting yourself into a good mental state, so you truly believe that you were here to create something amazing for yourself and that you are the dictator of your reality. If you're constantly telling yourself, you know, this is impossible, this is never going to work. My manifestations are unrealistic. They're out of reach. That is keeping you stuck, okay, because your subconscious mind will then program itself to believe

that it's impossible. And then you're creating more resistance and in turn, you're not going to see the results you want because you have a fundamental belief that it's not going to happen. You need to get yourself into a state where you're not begging the universe, you're not coming out of an energy of desperation and you're not going to need it. Okay, you're not going to be like, if I don't get this, I'm going to die. Like you can't come in with that desperate energy when you're trying to manifest. Detachment is when you realize that you don't need anything, but you just simply desire it, and it would be nice. And you're okay without it, but you'd really prefer it.

You have to almost act if it's, as if it's already an integral part of your life, and it's not a big deal to you. Like you're not making it this huge thing where you're putting it on a pedestal. You're not putting your manifestations on this grand stage and you're like, wow, it's gonna take me a hundred years to even ever retain something like that. You have to treat it as if it's already here.

You have to treat it as if it's just an ordinary part of your life. And yeah, of course it's fucking coming. Of course it's happening. Of course this is happening for me, because I deserve it. You have to fundamentally believe that you deserve it and course it's fucking coming. Of course it's happening. Of course this is happening for me, because I deserve it. You have to fundamentally believe that you deserve it and that it's coming.

Let's just say you wanted to manifest a specific person, right? And you're like, this is my dream person, or maybe you're trying to manifest your ex back, or like, I know this was the love of my life. I need them back. If you actually just let that go for a second, and you really let it go, and you're like, you what? I'm going to be fine with or without them. I need to just be happy. If you center your focus on your genuine happiness and you're not

directing your energy just towards a specific person or a specific outcome, that is when shit starts to happen. Nine times out of 10, you're going to be handed something eventually that's even better for you than what you're even asking for. And I'll give you an example. There was someone that I really desired because I thought he was super attractive. He was probably one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my life. And I was really being a little shallow here because I didn't know him that well. But I was like, wow, I want to at least date this person or go on a date with them because they're super attractive, very interested.

He seems pretty cool from the little that I know about him, whatever. And I was putting this idea in my head like, oh my God, I need to date this person. Eventually, what happened was I forgot about that idea and I started focusing on myself. And instead of focusing on that person, I started focusing on myself and my goals and I started getting myself in this headspace where I completely forgot about the idea of dating anyone altogether. I was very hyper focused on my work and I was very focused on my passions and suddenly I became the main character of my life again, which is how it's always supposed to be,

right? I wasn't crushing over someone obsessively and saying, oh my god, I want to date this person. Like it just wasn't a thought in my mind anymore. It completely left my brain. What happened was I ended up meeting someone else. I ended up meeting someone that was more perfect for me at the time, was more aligned with who I was

and treated me like a goddess and treated me like gold. And I ended up in a relationship with this person. And I completely forgot about the other person that I had a crush on. The universe was like, no, okay. If you're focused on yourself and you're leveling up and you want someone to actually love you, I'm gonna give you that.

I'm not gonna give you someone just because they're hot and you want to hook up with someone that's attractive because that's not gonna make you happy. When you genuinely put out this idea that you just wanna be happy, sometimes the manifestations that you're asking to be happy, sometimes the manifestations that you're asking for might not happen because the universe knows you deserve more and you deserve better.

And that's exactly what happened to me. So instead of getting what I thought I wanted, I ended up attracting someone that was even more right for me at the time. And I ended up learning so much from that relationship. He encouraged me to love myself even more. And he made me an even better version of myself because he treated me so well. And I had never experienced that before. I was always going for the hottest guy. I was always going for who I found the most attractive, but the universe

knows better than you do and knows what's best for you. And if I had ended up with that person or even went on a date with that person, it probably would have led absolutely fucking nowhere because I doubt that we would have been compatible. Honestly, like looking back, I'm like, yeah, that probably wouldn't have even been a good idea. It probably would have led down the road of another pointless situation ship that I would have regretted.

Okay, so the universe sometimes knows better than you. And when I put out into the universe that I just genuinely wanted happiness, I ended up getting someone that treated me really well and someone that I didn't even know I needed. Detachment builds this idea of trusting the process, and it allows you to focus on the current moment and not hyperfixate on this one idea or manifestation that might end up driving you insane. If you have a healthy relationship with your manifestation, for example, if you desire something, but you're completely fine without it, that is what detachment is all about,

because you're not expecting anything. You're in receiving mode and you're trusting and you're in this good energy where you're like, I'm fine without it, I'm chill, it's fine either way, but it would be nice. There's a big energetic difference between that relaxed feeling and then being in this hyper-focused desperation mode where you're obsessive over your manifestation and you're like, why isn't it coming? What's happening? I manifested this and it's not happening.

Where is it? Where is it? There's a huge fundamental energetic difference there. And as I mentioned earlier, you cannot trick the universe. You cannot trick energy. Energy is energy and you can't trick the universe into thinking, you know, you're thinking certain thoughts because it knows how you feel. The universe knows how you vibrationally feel inside.

So when you're trying to manifest, it's not just thinking a thought and saying, oh my god, I want this to happen. It's how you feel about it. It's not about trying to manipulate things into your favor. The universe knows vibrationally where you're at and how you feel about something. It's not about what you're thinking. It's the feeling associated with your thoughts

that bring you energetically to the manifestation. For example, if you're thinking in your head, oh my God, I want to manifest $10,000, right? And your subconscious mind is freaking out and saying, oh my God, I want to manifest $10,000, right? And your subconscious mind is freaking out and saying, oh my God, I'm broke. I have all these financial fears. I don't know if I'm ever going to get the money, but you're saying I want $10,000.

It's not going to manifest because you feel like shit about money, right? You feel scared of money. You're afraid of this concept of making money or losing money and being broke. So your subconscious mind will play into this and actually block you from attracting abundance since your life because you actually fundamentally have a core fear about money and centered around money. However, if you feel excited about money and you're in a flow and a state of abundance where you're like, yeah, of course, I'm abundant, I'm wealthy, and you're living like you're already, you know, a multi-millionaire. That's when money will flow into your life because you're actually feeling the feeling of being rich. You actually have to get there. You actually have to get to the point

where you feel abundant and you feel totally fine with or without it. You can't feel panic, you can't feel this like, oh my god, I'm never going to get it. Energy because that's what's going to keep you stagnant and stuck. So when you feel good and detached, manifestations will fly into your life. I'll give you another example. Anytime I didn't want a boyfriend because I was so focused on myself and in this amazing happy flow state where I was doing my own thing, that's when I always met someone because I wasn't desperately looking for anyone. I was already acting as if I had a partner with me.

Anything I would do, all the actions I would take, I would treat it as if I was already in love and happy because I was so in love with my own life and the most attractive quality you could have for anyone is when you're so in love with your own life. When you're so in love with yourself own life. When you're so in love with yourself, people sense that people feel that. People know when you're so in love with your own life, and that's when amazing things start to happen. I was never clinging onto this idea of,

oh my god, I'm going to be alone and I'm never going to have anyone because I never felt that way, and that's always why I ended up in relationships. It doesn't always mean it was the right relationship, but I never believed fundamentally that I would ever be truly alone. And that's how I always attract people and dates and boyfriends and whatever it is. And I have a lot of questions about this because people are like, how are you in three serious long-term relationships back to back your whole life?

And I'm like, because I never thought it wasn't attainable. Like I always just assumed, like yeah, I'm not like, I can find a boyfriend easily. It was always just, it just felt like a part of who I was. I was never like, oh my god, I'm going to end up alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Obviously, I've had thoughts like that before and I've had fears and doubts before about it. I never really fundamentally believed that at my core, I always knew that regardless, everything would be fine. And I know and I trust that I'm going to meet my soulmate and I'm going to be married one day. You know, there's a lot of people who have that fundamental fear, which can push you further away from attracting people into your life. The key is to not go into dating

with this desperate energy state of like, oh my god, I need to find someone. Like, I need a partner. No one's gonna date someone that's desperate. If you're desperately looking, people know that you're desperate. It's just so obvious. And I've had this happen to me before where people will slide into my DMs and say the most insane shit

where they're like desperately trying to talk to me and offering me money to go on dates or, you know, offering me to take me on vacation when I don't even know them. I've never even met them before. And just weird things like that where I'm like, how desperate are you that you have to offer me $5,000 for to get my attention? Like no one would want, I mean, maybe some people would actually be interested in that. But I'm not impressed by that stuff. And also, it's this weird desperate energy where you're like, why are you doing the most

for someone that you don't even know that well? You know, the most attractive thing to me is when someone is so in love with their own life and so confident and obviously needs to have genuine, interested in me, but also is grounded in who they are. When you're truly grounded in who you are and you don't need anyone, but you just might want it, it's a totally different vibrational state. And people sense that, okay? The key also with dating, because I know a lot of people have asked me questions about this, like, oh my

God, how do you meet people? How am I going to date? Can I use dating apps? Like, how do you go out and date in general? And I always say, the best thing to do is to not force it. You have to trust what works for you and trust what works best for you. If you're trying to manifest a partner, if you're trying to manifest your soulmate, the worst thing you could do is force it and be desperate around it.

It doesn't mean don't use a dating app. I think dating apps can be great, especially in the day and age, but you have to approach it in a playful, detached manner. So if you're downloading a dating app, make it fun, make it something like an activity you're doing for yourself, but don't expect all these wild things to happen,

just go into it with a playful mindset and be detached. So you're not gonna be fixated on the outcome of what's gonna happen, and you're not pushing to find someone, just have fun with it and don't expect too much. And if something happens and comes out of it, amazing. I know so many people who are in relationships from dating apps, but they often went into it with a light and playful approach. They weren't desperately swiping and, you know, expecting the most out of it. It was always coming from a place of just genuine detachment. On to the next part of today's episode,

I'm diving into your questions that you've sent to me on Instagram. So the first question is, what are your thoughts on friendship with men? Would you be friends with a man you've hooked up with before and can women be friends with men? Can my boyfriend be friends with another woman? So I've been there done that. I get it. So first of all, I want to clarify something before I get into this.

If you are childhood friends with someone, if it's like some guy or girl you grew up with together, you know you have zero physical attraction to them. You've never had intimate relations with them. Or it's your coworker and both of you are in relationships, and it's strictly platonic, and you go out in a group setting here and there with other people and you're friendly, that's okay. If you're friendly with the opposite sex, you say hello, you know, you see them in the elevator, say hello, what's up, how are you doing? That's fine, okay. I don't see anything wrong with that in general. But to be close friends with someone that you're very attracted to or that you would have sex with, especially if you're in a

relationship with someone else, I find that unacceptable. If you're in a serious relationship and your partner, your boyfriend, whatever, is close friends with another woman that he slept with before, that he's slept with before, that's not his friend, that is a friends with another woman that he slept with before, that he slept with before, that's not his friend, that is a friends with benefits, okay? That is someone that he has put his D inside of and that is not a friend. If your man has slept with another woman and they're still in contact, that is not a friend.

That is a friends with benefits and that is inappropriate and unacceptable. If you're in a relationship, you know, obviously this goes both ways for men and women. If I was in a relationship and there was a guy I had been interested in that I was physically into and we've had flirty conversations before

or I've hooked up with him before, I would not be speaking to that guy if I was in a relationship because that is inappropriate and it's disrespectful to the person that I'm dating. As I said, it is okay to be friendly with the opposite sex. Even be a little flirty, okay? I'm not gonna lie, no one is perfect.

There has been instances where I have been dating someone and I go out with just my friends and a guy is hit on me and I've responded to him, you know, I'm polite. My personality's actually a little bit flirty in general. That's just, you know, my nature. But I would never cross the boundary of like really entertaining someone or giving them my phone number or going out with someone that was the opposite sex that wasn't the person I was seeing. I just think it's disrespectful. If you're making concrete plans, dinners, taking trips together, and you're in a relationship with someone else that is disrespectful and inappropriate to your partner.

I think it's crossing a boundary and I think in relationships you need to set boundaries for yourself. If you're boyfriend, which it sounds like from this message, that was what you were referring to, is friends with all these women and he's had some sort of intimate relations with them or is interested physically in them, I just think that's crossing a line. I actually have a funny story about this. I went on a few dates with a guy who was telling me about one of his co-workers that was confiding in him about her relationship and basically flirting with him

and hitting on him and being inappropriate. Like for example, she was telling him all these details about her boyfriend how she wanted to end things with him. And I think that's emotional cheating. Like you are confiding in a male coworker that you're attracted to clearly about your boyfriend that you don't like anymore or whatever. Like if your boyfriend heard that, would he break up with you or be really hurt? Probably.

And I think it's a form of emotional cheating and just inappropriate. And he was telling me this story and he's like, yeah, I think it's a little weird, whatever. And I'm like, that is just inappropriate. Like that is also disrespectful and that is also crossing a line. And I was telling him too,

like you say you have all these girlfriends, but if you stuck your dick in them, excuse my language, but if you have, like that is not your friend, that is a fuck buddy. That is not someone you could call your friend. That is someone you've had sex with and that is a fuck buddy. And I don't care if you label it as a friendship. That's not a friendship from my eyes. And if we were dating, you would not be able to speak to that person. It just would be crossing a line for me. And he started laughing when I was telling him this.

He's like, yeah, I guess you're right. I'm like, obviously I'm fucking right. Like, I'm not here to play. I'm not here to fuck around. You have to have a mutual level of respect for each other. And I'm sure you wouldn't like it the other way around. If I was still interacting and engaging with men that I've had sex with, because why would you be okay with that and if you're okay with that you probably

I mean, maybe you are extremely secure with yourself, but I would want my partner to say to me like I need that boundary where you're not engaging with men you've had sex with because it just doesn't make me feel comfortable. Like that shows a lot of self-respect and it shows that the other person has boundaries from my opinion. So, I also have one more funny story about this. I didn't realize I was going to be on this one question for so long, but I just have so much to say about it. So, my ex, okay, before we even got into a serious relationship, he invites me to a party at his apartment and there's a group of girls there and they kept staring at me and giving me these dirty looks. And they knew, I think, that I was hooking up with him. I was kind of seeing him. And this one girl in particular kept eyeing me down. And I was like, what the fuck is happening right now?

Towards the end of the night, I pull him aside. I'm like, hey, why is this girl giving me death stairs? Like, she looks like she wants to murder me. Why does she hate me? Like, clearly something happened here. And he's like, oh, I've had sex with her. I'm like, why like she wants to murder me, why does she hate me, like clearly something happened here. And he's like, oh, I've had sex with her. I'm like, why is she here?

Like why did you invite her to this party, knowing that I was like, I'm with you, knowing that we're hooking up right now. Why would you invite someone else you've hooked up with to the party? And he's like, she's my friend. I didn't see it as a big deal. And I'm like, if you've stuck your dick inside of her, she is not your friend. She's a fuck buddy. And she

probably thinks it's more than what it is. Because clearly she does. Because she's staring at me, like she wants to murder me. You slept with her. And now she's pissed because clearly, maybe you saw it as a friend, but she didn't. And women operate very differently. Women are very emotional once you've slept with them. For the most part, I'm not speaking on behalf of everyone, but sex isn't intimate thing. And if you've slept with her, she's probably assuming that it's more than it is now and you invited her here and she's pissed.

And I would be pissed too, and I felt bad for her. And I was like defending her. I was like, that is really inappropriate of you to invite someone that you've had sex with here. And it's also just respectful to, it's also very disrespectful to me and it's disrespectful to her. And he was like, I'm so sorry.

And we got in a whole argument about it. And like, I let it go because I knew that he really cared about me. And I think he honestly, his intentions were not horrible. But it was like, it just looked so bad. And I was like, okay, I know you care about me and I know you like me, but like, you need to apologize to this girl because that was extremely uncalled for and inappropriate. But I think men and women think of this thing differently

where they just assume that it's okay because they don't have emotions tied to sex. So like, if they have sex with you, they can look at you as a friend and it wouldn't be a big deal, but it's often one-sided when it comes to that. And that's why I say it's better not to interact in general. For me, like I wouldn't be okay with it if I knew my boyfriend had slept with someone

and then was still friends with him. I just wouldn't be okay with it. Another question I got. He dumped me, but we're still living together. What do I do next? You need to make an escape plan. Okay, I understand right now if money is tight and it's, if it's a financial issue, I'm sorry.

And if you can't move out right away, I get it, but you need to get yourself into the mentality that you are going to leave. Like you need to program your brain and visualize yourself leaving and take the necessary steps and actions to actually remove yourself out of this situation or the apartment, whatever it is.

I don't really have too much context about this question and your relationship, but I would do whatever you can to make a schedule for yourself, try to create a safe space for yourself. Put yourself first, take yourself out, take yourself for walks, listen to a podcast that will inspire you to jump the fuck out of the toxic situation you're in, visualize yourself in a better situation, and take the

necessary steps you can to get there. Once you get out and leave, your world is going to change. You're going to shift energetically. And the power visualization is that you can actually start that process now. I don't really know the context of what happened with your breakup and your relationship, so I don't know if I could comment too much on it, but I've had situations where I've had to work with my ex and be in the same environment.

With certain people, I didn't wanna be around and I've literally quantum jumped through the power of my own thoughts out of those situations. Like I visualize myself getting out of those situations and it usually doesn't happen overnight, but taking the necessary steps to remove yourself so you could up level is very important. Question number three, how to tell if someone is the one or not. I actually have a whole episode on this. It's called how to know if they're the one. You should definitely go listen to that because it clarifies a lot on this topic, but I also hear this from every single person that's happily married or in a relationship. You just know, like it's just a feeling and you just know and you're not

going to have to ask people how to know if they're the one. You're not going to have to ask your friends a million questions. You're not going to have to decipher every little move that this person's making. You're just going to know. And from the most part, the feedback I've heard from people who are in happy relationships was that it was just easy and effortless from day one. There was no games, there was no anxiety, there's no crying over them every day. It's very black and white, simple and easy and like, oh, this is my person. It's just a feeling. 90% of the time I would say that's how you know, when you know, you know,

you know that song that's like viral and TikTok right now. When you. When you know, you know, like that's true, okay? I mean, there are scenarios and situations where things aren't perfect in the beginning and then eventually you end up together, which is also understandable and like, it's not going to be applicable to every situation, but I think for me, I know for me, I'm just gonna know. A lot of other people have had that experience and that's what you deserve. So yeah, with that being said, I think I'm gonna do more of a Q&A on Instagram again.

So be sure to follow me on there and submit your questions if you have any because I wanna make a longer episode with all of your questions. But with that being said, I think that concludes today's episode. Be sure to check out the Dare to Detach Master class. It applies perfectly to today's episode. And I know it's going to change your life.

We're here to up level in 2024. We're here to step into our power. Our community is amazing on there. We're all friends. We all support each other. And it's going to be amazing. I'm so proud of everyone who listens to the podcast in general and is taking the steps to heal. I love you the most. Have an amazing, amazing rest of your day and

stay tuned for next Monday.