Date Yourself Instead - Feeling lonely this holiday season? I've got you.

Episode Date: November 20, 2023

Being alone during the holiday season or any celebration day in general can feel like sh*t, let's just be honest. HOWEVER, it can also be empowering and fun if you make it that way - which is why I created this episode. TIS THE SEASON to embrace yourself and love yourself even more. I love you lots. Here is the link to my masterclass, use code selflove for a discount. xx Lyss JOIN DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS Remember to use code "selflove" for $ off the course - exclusive for my podcast listeners. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

So celebrating the holiday season is really exciting and obviously so much fun. When you have a lot of people around you, you have a good group of friends, you have your boyfriend or girlfriend, you have your dogs, you have your family. Obviously, the holidays are something to look forward to in general. But when you have your core group of people around you, they can be so much more fun. Love is in the air. You just feel so good, so excited. You want to do more. You want to decorate. You want to go out. You want to have drinks with your friends. When you have your people, the holidays are amazing, of course, but there are going to be seasons and there are going to be

times in your life where you might be celebrating the holidays alone. And I've been through this. I know some of my friends have been through this. Sometimes we don't have access to see our family members because they live far away from us or sometimes we're going through a breakup with a significant other. And we are really sad and lonely because we thought we were gonna spend the holidays this year with them and things just didn't work out.

Or we're just not in the same city as our friends. There's just so many different situations that could obviously play out that would cause you to end up alone during the holidays. And it could be a really tricky feeling to navigate. And it could feel pretty shitty, okay? Especially when you live in a big city and you see people going out, having the best time,

posting friends, giving stories, posting Christmas dinners and all this stuff on Instagram and you feel like you're missing out. I know I've been there. Lesson's giving a remember I was watching people's stories and everyone was having friends giving dinners and I felt so left out and I had no one to celebrate with. I literally was losing my mind because I was alone and I just felt shitty about it. And I feel like social media can really weigh into this factor feeling lonely during the holiday season. And it could be a challenging situation to navigate. I also remember, I think it was last year,

maybe it was the year before, I was walking through New York City during the holidays, it was the year before I was walking through New York City during the holidays. It was December and I saw couples literally everywhere seeing couples making out on the sidewalk see couples grabbing drinks and dinner because everyone likes to dine outside regardless of the weather. I just saw a lot happening and I remember I was walking through the city and I just felt super isolated. I felt like I didn't have anyone to really celebrate that time with and it made me really, really sad. So I've been there, I get it, I understand.

I don't even know what my holiday plans are this year. I don't have anything set up. So I might be celebrating the holidays alone this year again. I'm not really sure. But on today's episode, I really wanted to talk about my personal survival guide for the holidays.

This isn't gonna be a completely typical survival guide. This is just the way that I cope and the way that I deal with being alone, especially during this time of year. And this is gonna be everything I do to make myself feel good. When I feel like the outsider and I don't really have anyone to hang out with or talk to or celebrate things with, I think it's important to discuss this because even if you are in a relationship or your

married or you have family and friends to hang out with this year, it's just a good guide to navigate times where you are going to be alone and you don't have anyone to hang out with or do anything with. Okay, so let's dive right in. Actually, before I dive right in, I do want to mention my master class Dare to Detach because I think it correlates really well with today's episode. Guys, the feedback on the master class is absolutely insane. I'm so proud of everyone who's a part of the community that we've built. Dare to detach is especially perfect for the holiday season because it's a course that covers everything about letting go, learning how to step into your power and be alone, and it rewires this idea that you might have in your head that you're never going to find anyone that you're going to be alone forever, and allows you to level up and upgrade your entire life.

It allows you to feel good about being alone because being alone can be a really scary thought and super intimidating in itself. But this master class is designed to help you face your fears head on and clear all those fears out and clear out any blocks that are holding you back from living your best life and from being the best fucking version of you. I've had women on our community tell me that they've booked solo trips and had the best time since they took the class. They're learning how to be more independent, they're learning how to be more free. Not give a fuck about the people that hurt them in the past because they're looking to the future now because they rewired their subconscious mind throughout the program.

That's what this class was made for, so you could focus on your future and to unlock your greatest potential. And to stop getting hung up on those dusty-ass people who do not see your value. There's four days of video lessons, meditations, writing exercises, and an amazing private group chat that I'm a part of. I answer everyone's messages daily on there,

and I would absolutely love to have you. We'd love to have you. I have a special code for the podcast listeners. As always, you can use the code self-love for $20 off of the course. And I might be running a little Thanksgiving Black Friday type of sale as well because a lot of people have been asking me. So if you want to follow me on Instagram at Dare to Detach, you could keep up with all the special promotions going on for the course and stay updated with everything. I cannot wait to see you there and I cannot wait for you to join us this holiday season and now back to the episode. So how do you survive the holiday seasons

when you're single as a fuck? I'm gonna start off by telling you a story that I will never forget. Okay. It wasn't about necessarily the holidays, but my birthdays in January, so it was right after the holiday season. It was my birthday, and I decided to invite pretty much my entire school to my birthday party. I must have invited at least 50 people specifically and I had decorated my entire house for this party. I prepared everything. I ordered food. I got drinks. I had the snacks. I had the balloons. I had the music. You get it. I planned this entire birthday party. I was so excited. But when the time came around, when everyone was supposed to be there,

one hour passed, no one showed up, two One hour passed, no one showed up. Two hours went by, no one showed up. And then by the third hour, I realized that something was wrong. And then I was like, did I tell people the wrong day? I'm so confused. Later, I found out that someone else

who was maybe a little bit higher up on the social ladder in my school at the time decided to throw a school at the time. Decided to throw a party at the same exact time, same day. And no one ended up showing up to my birthday party that I spent so much time coordinating. And that feeling is something I will never forget because I realized that no one was coming to my birthday and I ended up spending my birthday alone. And it's a really sad thought to look back on and I want to hug my younger self because

I was like, obviously I could laugh about it now and it's a funny story, but I want to hug my younger self because I realized that I was like traumatized from that situation and I didn't even process how badly it made me feel in the moment. I was just in shock. I remember just being like, okay, so I guess I'm alone on my birthday. And I ended up just spending it with my parents. So, yeah, that was that. And it's a feeling that I don't wish upon anyone

because it could make you feel really isolated and make you feel like you have no one or no friends and nowhere to turn. And you're just like, what do I do now? I don't know what to do with myself and you just feel like crap. So I know that feeling of being alone during celebratory events and that's why today's episode is so significant and so important to me because I don't want anyone to feel the way that I felt in that moment.

So how do you survive the holiday season being alone? The first tip I have is you have to start by making a set routine and plan for yourself. You want to prepare yourself prior to the holidays and the actual days of the holiday. You don't wanna do this today of Christmas and scrambled to find a plan when you're alone, okay? If you're gonna be alone this year,

you want to create a solid routine that's going to make you feel safe, that's gonna make you feel happy, and that's going to bring you peace. Because if you're especially going through something like a breakup during this time of year, emotions can be running very high. You could be like,

how am I supposed to celebrate without this person? Or you could just be overall feeling like down and sad. And having a routine is going to help you out mentally during this time. I'll give you an example of what a routine could look like on a daily basis, so you could keep yourself mentally in check. This is what I do, this is what I've done before, and it's helped me so much.

So in the morning you wake up, you meditate for 10 minutes, go on YouTube, find a higher self-meditation, you could also find meditations in my DERD Dare to Detach program if you decide to join us. Some of my favorites were in there. I also have a free meditation on my website, so you could go check that out, but wake up, do a meditation for 10 minutes. Okay, don't go on your phone and scroll on Instagram and look at what everyone else is doing, because it's not going to be helpful. So first you meditate, then you wake up,

get out of your bed after you do that, make your favorite coffee, maybe add some pumpkin spice flavoring, something holiday themed, peppermint, mocha creamer, whatever you want, just get some holiday stuff flowing in your house, in your kitchen, okay? Make this fun, make this inspiring. This holiday season is gonna be centered around you, and you can make it really fun

if you program your brain to believe that it's gonna be the best time of the year for you. You have to immerse yourself in the holiday spirit. You have to act as if you already have your soulmate, you have a group of friends, because if you want to manifest those things and you don't wanna be alone for the rest of your life, you have to act as if all these things have already happened. That's the power of manifestation and that's the power of attracting all good things into your life

is acting as if it's already happened. So I want you to get into the holiday spirit. It's the small things added up in your routine that are going to make you feel really, really good and productive. So, okay, you make your coffee in the morning, you've meditated, done. Now, put on some happy Christmas music, holiday music, dance around your kitchen, get your body moving. Consume happy things. I make feel good, happy playlists all the time.

I don't consume sad bullshit. I don't consume sad bullshit. I don't consume toxic news. I don't consume anything that is going to stray me away from feeling really good. You want to consume things that are going to make you feel excited, make you feel like you want to dance. So if you need to create a happy holiday playlist, something that's going to make you dance around your kitchen

and make your breakfast and your coffee, do that. The next thing you can do, following that is listen to a funny podcast or a good uplifting podcast or a healing podcast. I've been recently loving the toast because it's mostly comedy and it's pretty funny. I also love the self-help podcast, Aware and Agravated. I love the skinny confidential. I love bougie best friend. One of my good friends, Coco, she hosts

that. That's a really healing one. I love the psychology of your 20s. My friend, Gemma, hosts that. Another amazing podcast that's super healing. And of course, date yourself instead. My podcast, obviously, you already know to listen, date yourself instead. My podcast obviously, you already know to listen to date yourself instead. And if you're listening to this episode, it's pretty obvious. So that's a way you could spend your morning in a really productive and healthy way.

The second half of the morning, you can go for a walk in nature, you can journal. For me, I like to walk by the water by my apartment. I put on my headphones and I journal for about 30 minutes to an hour and I take time with myself. And it's so therapeutic. It's fun for me. I'll listen to some good happy music afterwards. And I just spend time with me envisioning how I want my next holiday season to look like and how I want my future to look like in general. I just want to this, and I wanna remind you, you get what you focus on.

So if you focus on the future and you say positive and you say, you know what, this holiday season, maybe it's not exactly what I signed up for, but next year is gonna be bigger and better than ever. And I just need this time with myself. That's a really positive spin on spending time alone this holiday season. Whereas if you're complaining that you're alone all the time and you have no one to talk

to and you're never going to meet anyone and you're miserable during the holidays, you're actually affecting your subconscious mind and programming your brain to operate that way and attract more of those experiences into your life. And that's why I'm so adamant about my course because the whole purpose of it and why I created it is to rewire your mind to think better thoughts and to create a better future for yourself and get you on track and get you on that right path. And the course is something you could also invest in as you a little activity to do during the holidays. So if you're looking to have some sort of new refreshing self-care investment activity during the holiday season, dare to detach is the go-to move guaranteed. So now later in the day, something you could do as a part of your routine is to book yourself something fun, book yourself an activity.

This can be a workout class. This can be going grocery shopping, creating a new holiday recipe. I know I'll be baking a ton of things this holiday season. I love baking desserts. I love experimenting with new recipes and going on Pinterest and searching for new ideas. This could be a means of you going on Instagram or TikTok and searching cool things to do in your area. There has to be things that you can focus on that don't involve sitting on your couch and wallowing in this thought that you're going to be a loneliness holiday season. I highly recommend doing as much as you can to get out of your house and do something.

Put yourself out there. You're not the only one that's alone during the holidays. I can promise you that. Last episode I recorded about this, which was last holiday season, is one of my most highly shared and played episodes because so many people can relate to this feeling. And there's comfort in knowing that. Now, I know the nighttime can get pretty challenging because once I get stark outside for me personally, I know that makes me think more and that could affect your mood.

So if you're overthinking and you get in your head a lot like me during the nighttime, this is when the routine has to become more intensive. So I'll try to occupy my time by doing something that's going to really be healthy for my brain and make me feel productive. So usually I'll make myself a T, I'll take a nice bath, and then I'll do something that's going to be really good towards my future. So for example, I'll go on Pinterest and start creating a vision board. And I always add to it. I always add to my vision board because it's a crucial part of manifesting. And it's a crucial part of rewiring your brain.

I'm definitely going to make some sort of tutorial about this because vision boards have been life changing for me and changing my reality. You can go on Canva and create one or you could take a bunch of magazines and cut out photos and make some sort of collage. I'm just not artsy, and it also takes up a lot more time to do that and physically make one, but if you have a lot of time during the holiday season and you're spending it alone, you can go to an arts and crafts store and do that. And I think it's a really good way to pass the time and also level up and also envision

how you want to see your next six months. I feel like a lot of my day when I am alone and I feel lonely in general, a lot of my brain power will go to two things. It'll go to my work and my purpose and my career. So for example, half of my day will be recording podcast episodes, planning out, work obligations, going to meetings, and just getting my work done, because obviously most people that are listening to us,

I'm sure you have some sort of job that you need to attend to. But then all the rest of my time when I don't have any plans is centered around a ton of self-care and getting my mind to a place of peace. As someone who's suffered with anxiety and depression since I'm really young, I need to do a ton of self care to maintain my peace and to center myself and to rewire my brain. Because it's really easy to get off track

if you're not in a solid routine. And that's why I'm saying having a routine during the holidays is going to be life changing for you you and it's going to make getting through the holiday season way easier. I also want to reiterate just taking time away from your phone if you have a habit of stalking what everyone else is doing because that's going to add to the anxiety and it's going to make you feel bad if you're very sensitive like me. When I was watching people's stories of holiday dinners and parties and they were going out and having events and I didn't have that going on in my life at the time, it made me feel really sad. So you can create mental boundaries for yourself and take time away from your phone if you have to.

If you think it's weighing into your mental health, I highly recommend it. You can politely mute people now on Instagram. I feel like social media makes everything during the holiday season a lot more intense and amplified if you are alone because you have this like feeling that you're missing out, you have this feeling that you're not doing enough or you don't have a good group of friends to celebrate with and it can make you feel crappy. So create those batteries for yourself if you have to. Ultimately, celebrating the holidays when you're alone should be lived as if you're already surrounded by people or with someone because that is a key part of attracting what you want and manifesting things. You have to live as if it's already your reality. And I

talk about this a lot in a lot of my manifestation episodes on the podcast, which you can revisit if you have to. So I'm gonna read off a list of other things you could do to make the holiday season even better, whether you have someone or not. I found this on Google, I'm gonna share with you. I might repeat some of the things I already just said, but some of these ideas are really cute and fun and inspiring, so here we go.

Number one is decorate your entire home with festive lights and ornaments, decorate with candles, decorate with a tree, whatever you got to do to make it feel cozy and actually live as if you already have someone in your life. If you want a significant other and you're alone and you're single and you're feeling really down, how would your apartment look, how would your space look if you had someone? Would you be decorating with them? If so, decorate your apartment and make it cozy and make it fun and make it feel good. Act as if they're already there with you. I said this already, but baking,

decorating holiday cookies is one of the things I will be doing the most this holiday season. one of the things I will be doing the most this holiday season. Another good tip is to order some fresh reading material. Go on Amazon and order some self-love books, self-help books. They always help me, books always past time, and I love getting lost in a good book. So a really good book that I have read recently that I love is the power of your subconscious mind.

You can order it on Amazon. It is amazing and will change the way you think and show up in the world and I highly recommend it. That book has made me feel really positive about manifesting my dream life. And also, it's taught me a lot about rewiring your subconscious mind and just looking towards a better future.

And it's so helpful, I highly recommend. Another thing you could do is volunteer. There are so many places to volunteer during the holiday season, and I know I'm gonna try my best to volunteer in the city for at least a couple of days, probably in November and December, and I think it's a really good way to take the focus off of being alone and actually pour your love and energy into people

that are less fortunate. And I think it's a really positive way to spend your time. And it's super helpful. And it's just an all around amazing energy to know that you're giving back to your community or giving back in your city. And it's so important during the holiday season because a lot of people cannot even afford anything to eat. And a lot of people cannot afford basic things to eat, and a lot of people cannot afford basic things

and necessities that sometimes we don't think about, and it's just super important to be grateful during this time of year because a lot of people have situations where they cannot feed their families or they cannot do certain things that other people might be able to do, or that you might be able to do. So just keep that in mind and practice gratitude

during this time of year because a lot of people are in really difficult situations. And I realize that over the years from volunteering and from putting myself out there and learning about people's stories and just understanding that things are not always as bad as they seem. And there are people that actually need your help and would die to have your life, and they would actually do anything to have the life that you live, just really thinking about that and putting things into perspective,

has been helpful for me. Another thing on this list that it says is, make a gingerbread house and decorate it. That's a really good idea to pass time, especially if you're not artsy and you make a fucking mess with any art project that you get involved in. I feel like it's more of a challenge for me to do things like that,

but I'm gonna put myself up to the challenges here and try to do it. I'm gonna try to make a really, really good aesthetic gingerbread house. It's probably gonna go terribly, but back up, probably kill a few hours. Take a drive to see holiday lights in your area. That's cute. Plan a secret Santa gift exchange with your co-workers. Okay, maybe. I don't know. If you don't have co-workers like me and you work alone, that might be challenging, but that could be a good idea. Go ice skating at a local rank.

I love ice skating. That would probably be really fun for me. Try your hand at making homemade holiday crafts or ornaments, donate to food banks or toy drives. That's a really, really good idea. Have a winter picnic in the park and bring hot cocoa. That sounds really fun. Take a scenic winter hike.

Write a letter to Santa or help kids write their letters. Very cute. Have a cozy pajama day and watch a movie. That's sweet. Yeah, a lot of these are pretty basic ideas. I pulled them off of Google. I probably, I don't even know if this is going to be necessarily on the podcast, because I'm like, okay, these sound kind of silly, but I think a lot of it, and what it comes down to, is just occupying your time in ways that make you feel good and make you feel like you're at peace, and you can just enjoy yourself without thinking too deeply into this idea of, oh my God, I'm alone during the

holiday season. Another thing I was thinking about is that you have so much freedom when you're alone, and this is just in general in life, not just applying to the holiday season, but when you're alone and you have time with yourself, you get to do you without worrying about anyone else. And if you want, you could still open yourself up to dating during the holiday season. You don't have to close yourself off to dating in general if you're single and you're sad and you're bored.

Go on a dating app if you want. Who cares? It's your life. You make the rules and there's nothing wrong with it. You're still dating yourself by prioritizing your needs and your well-being. And you could still put yourself out there and have a little fun. Put on some happy music, relax on your couch with some candles, set the mood in your apartment, and go on a dating app for fun because you never

know what could happen. And you'll probably interact with some people who are also not really doing much during the holiday season or who don't really have plans. And you never know what could happen. Maybe you'll end up going on a date unexpectedly. Being alone during the holidays gives you an opportunity for self-discovery and for just really learning more about yourself and spending more quality time with yourself. And you don't have to think of this as this permanent moment in time where you're always going to feel this way and you're always going to be alone during the holidays because that is not the case. Everyone goes through periods of time where they're not going to be with people. Or if you're constantly surrounded by people and you're never alone,

think about actually taking time alone during the holiday season and actually focusing on yourself more and actually giving yourself that time to learn more about who you are. Because it's healthy to go through periods of time where you're just learning more about yourself and you could focus all of your energy into you and that makes you even more magnetic in the long run, especially after the holiday season, if you're alone, and you're doing all the self-care and self-love, and you're really working on yourself, you're gonna step into the new year

with so much empowerment and so much love for yourself and so much happiness that you're gonna be a blessing and a magnet for miracles, and that's the beauty that you could see in being alone during the holiday time. And with that being said, I hope you really enjoyed today's episode and I hope that was insightful and helpful. If you're celebrating the holidays alone this season, I love you. You're not alone. I'm always here. Be sure if you haven't to check out the Dare to Dare to D-Touch program,

I think it would do wonders for you and also be such an amazing activity to do during the holiday season. Be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify if you haven't already and always send me a DM on Instagram, Atlas, or on the podcast account at date yourself instead. If you want to chat, I'm always here for you. I love you. Thank you as always and stay tuned for next Monday. and stay tuned for next Monday.