Date Yourself Instead - Get ready with me for a first date in London (VLOG)

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

A different type of podcast - vlog style. If you have Spotify, you can watch the video on the app, or watch the video on YouTube here. GET READY WITH ME FOR A FIRST DATE in London, one of my favorite cities in the world. This past December I decided to take a solo trip back to the UK to celebrate the holidays, have some good comfort food, and experience what it's like to use dating apps for the first time in A WHILE. In this particular situation, I ended up connecting with a guy on instagram, and then there was a major plot twist...enjoy! If you enjoyed this episode, feel free to DM me as always on instagram @lyss and @dateyourselfinstead. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH Use code SELFLOVE for $20 off, exclusively for the podcast listeners :)

So I'm taking you guys on a date with me tonight in London. It's my last night here and I had no plans on doing this. I had no plans on going, but this guy has asked me a couple times. I've also never done this before where one, I'm literally documenting the date. And two, I met this guy through Instagram, which to me is typically kind of already a red flag because he knows what I do for work, he knows about my podcasts, he knows about my following, and like he knows pretty much everything. He's probably done some sort of deep dive on me. So I don't really know anything about him and it's kind of weird going into this situation because it's something that I've never actually

done before. Like I don't meet up with people from social media. I never have. It's never been my style, especially because it always raises this fear of mine that someone is going to use me and not have the best intentions when going into like a new dating situation.

I just wanna make sure that that person is there for me and for who I truly am and not for like my Instagram following or TikTok or whatever it is. And I know like that might sound a little conceited like thinking I'm better than I am, but I swear to you the amount of times a man has actually used me because of social media and because of what I can like bring to the table as far as my career. It's an embarrassing amount of times. Like, I've attracted so many men in my past and this was like several years ago, but there's

a lot of men that will use me for, you know, my connections, social events, money, vacations, things that come with the perks of sometimes like being a content creator and being an influencer. And I've had guys try to like ride on my coattails as my dad likes to say, my dad is so protective of me and every time I tell him I'm going on a date he's like, make sure they're not riding on your coattails. It's like such a weird old person thing to say, but it's true. Okay, there is truth to it. So I'm a little skeptical. Okay, I'm going to give this guy the benefit of the doubt because he seems pretty friendly and nice and he sent me a

voice note over DM and he seems normal. But this could go either really good, it could be in the middle or really terrible. And I can't really tell. Like, usually I'm all about trusting my intuition. And for some reason, my intuition just isn't like completely accurate lately. I feel like I've had a pretty good judgment in the past with people, but for some reason I feel a little different about this. So I'm not going to lie

also, I kind of already got ready. Like I already did most of my makeup. I did my bronzer, did my concealer, all that stuff, but I'm going to finish the look with my lips. So let's do that. I like to go for like a brown toned lip liner because I feel like it just holds up better. Like the color is very rich and I feel like pink tones on my skin look weird. So I'm using the Huda Beauty Lip Contour. For those of you who have any interest in my makeup routine, which I'm not a makeup artist, have no experience doing professional makeup, so do with this information what you want, but I'm using the Huda Beauty Lip Contour 2.0 in the shade Terracotta.

And this one's like brownish red toned and it goes really well with like a tan. So I use this whenever I either get a spray tan or I'm on the beach. Not me trying to be some sort of beauty influencer right now. I've literally had this highlighter for three years. It's probably expired, but look at that glow, okay?

This is like, it's literally the most reflective, beautiful highlighter ever. And I just like to do a little bit on my nose. And then I'm going in with the Maracuja Juicy Lip from TAR. It's all over TikTok. I'm sure all of you have heard of this before, but it's always really good and it's super moisturizing and hydrating and I bring it with me literally everywhere I go. The beautiful thing about tonight is that I am the least bit nervous.

I feel like in the past, when I was younger, in my early 20s, I would freak out before a date and I would get nerves and I would get like super anxious before I would meet anyone. But I'm at the phase, an age in my life where I'm super comfortable in my skin and I feel more secure about going on dates and meeting new people.

And I always just tell myself, on dates and meeting new people. And I always just tell myself like you can always leave if you're uncomfortable, if you don't feel the vibe, you could always leave and you could always be honest with that person say like I'm just not feeling it or you could just leave it to one drink and then cut it and say you know I have plans with my friends after or make some sort of excuse because honestly you don't owe anyone shit. Like you don't owe anyone anything and that's something very valuable I've learned over the years. In the process of you know going on a lot of dates I've realized that it's better not to waste either party's time. If you're not feeling it you could always just leave and it's the same thing in any situation

that I go into. If I want to socialize but I'm not sure the vibe of the event or if I was invited to a party or whatever it is, I'm like, the worst case scenario, just leave, call an Uber and go home, get in your pajamas and go to bed. And at least you know you didn't miss out on any opportunities and you have the best of both worlds. You don't have to force yourself or peer pressure yourself into staying if you don't want to. And that's like the mentality I go into whenever I'm in a new dating situation. Also, for me, this is exciting.

This is a new chapter of my life where I feel like I'm living out of a page of Carrie Bradshaw. And I know a lot of you have compared me to her on Tik Tok and Instagram or whatever, but really like I truly feel like I'm in this sex and the city era of my life where I'm 30, I have no ties to anyone. I don't owe anyone anything, I could do whatever I want and just have fun with it and just live my life to the fullest and enjoy the process of dating and you know, I'll have some entertaining content and stories along the way and it's just, it's been so rewarding to actually spend more time

with myself and building the relationship with myself so I can bring it forth and actually like meet people and get to know other people and have like clear boundaries while I'm doing so because in the past, I would always feel bad and I would always lower my boundaries and my standards regardless of who it was when I was going on dates. And I would feel bad, for example, I would stay way longer than I wanted to

because I felt guilty. Or, you know, I would go on multiple dates with the same person in a row, even though I didn't see it going anywhere because I felt bad. Or, you know, I would entertain people that I knew were playing me and that weren't

really genuinely interested in me because I was just not able to see my worth in the same way that I see it now and yeah just being in London and being on this journey with you guys is so rewarding and so empowering for me and I also really appreciate you coming along with me and yeah, I'm super excited and All right, so I'm gonna go get dressed. I'm gonna go put my outfit on I'm wearing a very super casual outfit. It's freezing here. It's literally like negative 50 degrees outside I'm gonna be dressing pretty warm. I'm wearing like a long sleeve red shirt I'm actually wearing the shirt that I'm wearing on my podcast cover.

It's the famous red shirt that everyone asks me about. And that's the shirt I wear when I feel most confident and it feels most like me. It's bright red and it stands out. And I like to wear it when I'm going out and socializing because it gets people's attention. And it's also really cute because it's kind of cropped. So you still, you know, it's still pretty stylish,

but it's also like making a really big statement while also being super casual. You'll see, you'll see what I mean. Guys, he canceled on me. Okay, he canceled on me. And the crazy thing is, I knew, I fucking knew. My intuition was screaming at me. It's kind of weird.

I couldn't really read, I couldn't really read the situation and I just opened my DMs because I thought he was going to like tell me when we're meeting, like what time, whatever, because we were just kind of figuring it out last minute. And he literally, guys, he literally fucking canceled on me. It was just in the middle of getting ready, as you can see. And he's been persistent in asking me to hang out all week. He literally sent me like two different voice notes. He was like, I'm free Friday, let's hang out Friday. He tried to hang out with me on Wednesday and then I canceled and flaked out because I was just really busy and doing a million things. So I agreed to Friday and he literally just fucking canceled on me. So I'm just taking this as a universal sign to fucking date myself instead. I think this is the mantra of 2023 into 2024. I'm dating myself instead.

The right person is gonna make time to see you. If he wanted to, he would. And if you can't even show up on the first date, you're done, you're cut, you're absolutely through. There's not going to be a second chance. Also because I don't even live in London and there's really no purpose in getting super emotionally invested into anything and I wasn't planning on seeing this person ever again. So it really doesn't matter one way or another, but the fact that he canceled literally two hours before, I'm just like, I'm shook because also,

you know, I've been rejected many times in my life. I really have, but at the same time, I've never been canceled on right before a date. Like I know this is a common thing. I'm sure a lot of you have experienced this before, but personally, like I don't think I've ever actually been canceled on, yeah, like right before when I was already like doing my hair and makeup.

There could be a million reasons why someone cancels a plan, one being, you know, they're seeing someone else. And I got this weird shady vibe. Like I don't know what it is, but from the beginning, like even when he was initially messaging me, I wasn't really sure about it. And I kept being like, I'm not sure, should I give it a chance?

And I even asked my friend, I was like, do you think I should meet up with this guy? And I just feel like the right person, I wouldn't even be questioning it in the first place. So I'm taking this as a blessing and disguise onto the next. And I'm gonna actually take myself on a date right now. So I'm gonna bring you guys along to take myself on a date tonight.

Something very valuable that I learned over the last few hours is that you can't really plan for anything. You have to go into dating with zero expectations and you still just have to have fun with it. Like shit happens and people are going to cancel on you, people are going to bail and flake and you know people are gonna maybe disappoint you throughout your dating journey but it's all about you know the universe testing you and helping you level up to become even stronger and better as a person. This situation obviously was not a big deal to me at all because you know I've been through been through way worse in my life but it was just showing me in a way you know I've been through way worse in my life but it was just showing me in a way.

You know I have to recenter the focus back onto myself once again. I took myself for some sushi and I'm actually having a really peaceful relaxing night and I have no complaints and I'm really happy. So yeah the thing is I'm also pretty proud of myself and my progress and how far I've come just as far as growth because five years ago I would have sat at home and felt really shitty about myself and taken it personally that someone would basically stand me up. But I literally, I'm just, I feel like free in a sense of empowerment every time things like this happen now because I know it's just the universe redirecting me into something so much better and I completely trust and have faith that eventually I'm going

to meet my person so things like this don't really affect me anymore and I hope this experience, I'm really glad I actually documented it, I hope this experience can really inspire some of you if you've ever been rejected or stood up or whatever it is. I hope it can inspire you to take yourself on a date instead and put yourself first and the right person will show up eventually. And yeah. I do have to say though, this entire situation did not help the case that

Every British guy I've ever interacted with has been pretty much the worst. It hasn't made that case any better Still waiting to be proven wrong about that theory They make great friends, you know, I think I can be friends with the British but as far as dating, I don't know about this I'm gonna have to really reconsider my options here. So that was a crazy turn of events Not what I had in mind for tonight not what I expected but at the same time I Know how to keep myself busy and occupied. I'm not concerned I'm actually probably gonna go see some friends that I know that live here later tonight But yeah, I don't know. I thought I would have better content, you know, obviously

The whole brand and the whole point of dating yourself is for reasons like this, right? When you end up having no plans for the night and it's a Friday night and you see everyone out. I was just walking in Mayfair and I was seeing people, you know, in groups drunk, having fun, having dinner, having drinks and it's so easy to get caught in this trap in your brain where you're like, oh great, I'm alone. I have no plans tonight. I have nothing to do and I just got fucking stood up on a date with someone who had literally asked me to hang out multiple times. And yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, everything is here to teach us something. And right now I'm sitting in my hotel room. I just had sushi.

I'm full. I'm happy. I think it's even a valuable lesson to me as well, just to like trust my gut even more than I already do because prior to this I had a weird feeling about the entire situation anyway and the fact that I kept hesitating is your gut saying something and that's something I have to get better at because I'm usually really good with my intuition but as I said in the beginning of this episode I was like really on the fence

and not sure and there was like this whole concept of knowing this person only from Instagram that worried me and concerned me and I believe that the universe is here to divinely protect us, okay? I believe the universe is here to guide us and redirect us any form of rejection that comes our way. Any time plans don't work out, it could be as simple as you know you had a meeting with someone and it gets canceled. It doesn't even have to be a date. And, you know, it protected you because otherwise you may have gotten into a car accident on the way or, you know, my flight got canceled two days ago. And I was like, what is the reason I have to rebook a hotel? I have to spend another $1,000 on accommodation, transportation, food, all that stuff because travel here, especially in London is very expensive. And I was like, you know what, maybe the universe is setting me up for some great experience that I've yet to have here. And literally nothing crazy has happened. However, I feel like it could

have been so many things and you don't know how the universe is protecting you, but it might be protecting you without you even realizing it. So I just take everything as protection, as a sign to keep focusing on myself, to keep doing me, and that's why I'm here. And that's why I'm actually really happy that I documented this. I documented me getting fucking stood up. And yeah, I mean, thank you to that person for giving me prime date yourself instead of content. I value you, I appreciate you, and I'm really glad that this happened because now I'm going to go into editing this episode being

like very confident in the brand. I'm like, this is a prime episode about dating yourself. So thank you. Not going to say your name, but truly, it's really all good. And as for tonight's plans, I'm staying in the one hotel in Mayfair, which is gorgeous. It just opened in July and the one hotel chain is such a beautiful chain of hotels. I love the Miami one. I love the New York one. The Mayfair one is really special and it's an amazing location in London. And I think I'm just gonna go downstairs, maybe have a glass of wine or a tea depending on the mood and just chill and then get in my pajamas and go the fuck to sleep because I don't feel

like I'm missing out on anything. I don't feel like FOMO anymore the way that I used to. I don't feel like, oh my God, if I don't do this or I don't do that, I'm going to be missing out on something crazy in my life. Like I just trust that my journey is my journey and this is my life and this is my schedule and I'm not going to compare my life to anyone else's. And I'm also not going to take things personally. Those are two really big things I want you to take away from this episode is like, don't take anything personally.

If someone cancels on you, if someone doesn't want to be with you, if someone just isn't making the effort, you shouldn't give a fuck because that's on them, that's not on you and people are going to do what they want regardless. So if you keep taking shit personally, it's just draining your energy for no reason. You can't control what they're doing. You can't control someone else's actions. You can only control how you feel about it. And for me, I'm really chill.

I'm at peace and I'm really grateful because now I get to go to bed early without a hangover, without drinking. I hate the feeling of being drunk when I fall asleep and that's usually what happens when I go on a date. So I'm really looking forward to getting a good night's rest. The other thing is don't compare yourself to anyone else's timeline, whether it be in dating or career or anything in your life. If you see someone else out in love on a date, enjoying themselves, if your friends are in

relationships, if everyone that you know is getting married or whatever it is, that's their timeline. That's their path. Okay, you have your own unique path and you don't have to rush or force it to make shit happen just because everyone else is in their own unique stages of life. And that's something I've also learned being 30 because a lot of people I know are married with children. You know, both my brothers are married with kids. I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are in married with children, you know, both my brothers are married with kids. I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are in very serious relationships or married or engaged. And for me, I could look at it two ways. I could be like, oh my God, time is limited.

I'm running out of time. I need to find someone and put this crazy pressure on it and make myself insane. Or I could just trust the process and say, this is my purpose right now. I created this brand for a reason and this is my mission to date myself and to inspire others to live their best life without judgment of who they are or judgment of their own timelines. Like, this is your life to live and it's important to make it feel good and special and it's

important to love your life. It's important to enjoy the process of your life because there's no point in making it miserable. It's only making things worse. There's no point in getting yourself so upset time and time again because you're not where you're supposed to be in your life. Because everything is just made up. Everything is a construct.

There's no right timing. There's no right timeline. And if you keep reminding yourself that, your life will get so much easier and so much better. And I hope this episode was inspiring to some extent. And I love you and thank you as always for being here. If you want to see more video content like this, let me know. I really appreciate all the love and support on the podcast. As always, feel free to DM me on Instagram, atlas or on the podcast account at date yourself instead and be sure to rate it on Apple and Spotify. And if you haven't, be sure to check out

my masterclass, Dare to Detach. It's an amazing program. It's four days of classes, designed to help you let go and step into your power and become a boss-ass bitch in 2024. So check that out. I love you so much, and stay tuned for next Monday.