Date Yourself Instead - how to be blissfully happy.

Episode Date: October 19, 2026

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You can build the most beautiful life and still be too emotionally disregulated to appreciate any of it. You can be in paradise and be on your phone the whole time. You can get exactly what you prayed for and then have a crazy fear of losing it. You can reach a certain goal, reach a certain amount of followers, make a certain amount of money, and still be really dissatisfied once you get there because you're already onto the next goal. You can enter a relationship and then still feel. feel like you're about to get rejected or abandoned or left behind. I've built such a beautiful life and the majority of the time, I wasn't in the moment enough and present enough to actually

value it and appreciate it and be grateful for it the way that I should have been. Something I'm working on now is just being so present and really getting clear on what actually drives my happiness and what actually really makes me happy. We spend our whole lives chasing things and trying to validate ourselves and fulfill ourselves through external stuff, whether it be a high or dopamine rush from social media or the next trip we go on or the next relationship we're in, it's always something. When the whole time, I finally realized that happiness isn't in the next goal. Happiness isn't in the next accomplishment or manifestation. Happiness is inside of you. I wanted to come on here and make this video because I feel like now more than ever, it's so easy.

to fall into this pattern of seeking dopamine outside of ourselves. And recently I found some really genuine, grounded ways to be happy from within. Here's the other thing too. Okay, a lot of people you think that they're perceiving you a certain way when really they're just thinking about themselves 99% of the time. It's easy to be self-conscious and wonder, like, what is this person thinking about me? Or did I say the wrong thing? Or do I look good?

Do they think I look attractive? Like, do they think I'm cool? It's easy to get in that rabbit hole in your brain, but the truth is most people are focused on themselves. One of the greatest sources of unhappiness is the fear of being perceived the wrong way or the fear of being disliked or the fear of not being accepted. And these all are things that are about other people versus yourself. I think the beauty of really getting to know yourself as you get older is that you stop caring so much about being perceived and you start really honoring yourself and doing what authentically drives. you and makes you happy. You also start doing things that light you up for the sake of you being happy and not because you think you have to do something. You also realize that some of the best moments and

some of the greatest moments are the smallest moments, meaning when I have a cup of coffee in the morning, that's my joy. I've traveled around the world. I've made millions of dollars. I've met incredible people. I've done incredible things with my life. And yet I think some of the greatest moments have been sitting with myself on a beach, having a coffee, and being in my own company. When you start to master yourself and you actually start to really love yourself from within and create happiness from within, you don't need much to actually make you a happy person. And the pressure to make your life makes sense to other people and the pressure to look a certain way and look cool to people and have this persona diminishes. Now I'm like, if I want to create

something, it's for me. If I want to do the thing, It's for me. It's not to impress anyone. It's not to prove anything to anyone. It's for my happiness. When you get to that place in your life, it's so freeing and it's so rewarding because the pressure is off. You're not trying to prove anything to anyone by a certain timeline. You're not trying to act a certain way to impress anyone or to be accepted or to be liked or to be approved of. You're just you. And that's what makes you truly happy. When you're living authentically and at the vibration of pure authenticity, that's where the good stuff is. I'm in a season of my life where I literally had to rid myself of any old habits, behaviors, old programming that made me feel like I was trying to prove something to the rest of the world. The only person I'm proving things to now is to my higher self, is to the highest version of me,

is to the woman that I look up to, which is my future self, that I truly admire. And I'm like, I know I can get there. And I'm doing it for her. There's so much more to it when you're genuinely driven by self-lover. love and your own approval of yourself and you're not seeking it outside of yourself. The next thing that I really have learned about mastering your own happiness is ignoring the 3D reality. If you want to achieve big dreams and you want to set out and accomplish big things in your life, you have to be a master at ignoring the 3D, which means you can't

look at your current circumstances and judge yourself based off of that. In this moment, if you're not really satisfied with your life and you're not where you want to be, the worst thing you could do is observe the 3D reality of where you're standing right now. If you're financially not in the best position or you're going through a really hard breakup or you're in a season of being single and you haven't met anyone yet, looking at that and obsessing over that and wondering why it's not happening for you at this time and wondering why me and playing the victim in your reality is going to create and manifest more unhappiness and more stress and anxiety and your reality can't change.

if you can't see past the 3D reality of the situation. Most of the time when you hear stories about really successful people, like celebrities and the biggest entrepreneurs in the world, they come from a place where they were broke. They were living out of their car. You know, you always hear those stories like, oh, I was living out of my car. And then I kept dreaming.

That interview of Jim Carrey always stands out to me where he wrote himself a check for $10 million when he had no money. And then he ended up booking the mask and making that $10 million. dollars. That wasn't something that happened overnight, okay? That wasn't something where he just said, I want $10 million and it landed in his lap the next morning. He had to take inspired action to get there. The same way, you have to take inspired action to get anywhere in your life. You have to do something, right? You have to put your energy towards something that you love and you're passionate about. But the point is, if you're currently not in the place you want to be in right now, that doesn't mean

anything. The only thing that matters is where your energy is going now and where you're you're putting your energy now and what you're thinking about now. And you have control over your thoughts. And that's the most crazy, beautiful thing, because now you can redirect your thoughts into the future, 24-7 until you get to the goal. You have to think ahead. You have to see the bigger picture.

The greatest visionaries in the world always have seen the bigger picture to get to where they are today. The biggest leaders in the world, the people who have made the most impact in the world, were the biggest visionaries, meaning they thought way bigger than their environment. They thought way bigger than what their reality was currently showing them. Anything that's been invented, okay?

A chair, makeup, a bed, a mattress. I'm thinking random things because I'm like laying down. Clothing, anything, literally anything. And your favorite store, your favorite candy, okay? Lights, electricity. Everything was once a thought. And I'm sure the inventors of these things at first, like they may have felt a little delusional and crazy

and been like, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm just going to run with it because it's an idea and it's a thought and it's a vision that I have in my brain. And now I have to propel into the future and execute it. The only thing that matters is the future self. So ignore the 3D. The next thing that has made me ridiculously happy and has regulated my nervous system more than ever

is being present. being present with people, being present in conversations. I'm being present in the sense of I'm not thinking about the next thing when I'm with someone. I'm not thinking about the next thing when I'm in a conversation. In my day-to-day life, I used to have conversations with people and my brain would be like flying in 10 different directions. Like, oh, I need to do this later. Oh, I need to go to the gym later. I need to make dinner later, whatever it is.

I would be thinking of a million different things when I was even talking to someone in the moment. I couldn't ground my energy the right way. Another example, I would be on vacation. Like, I would be in the most beautiful place. And I don't even remember half of it because I would be on my phone. I'd be doing so many things that took away from the presence of the moment and just taking things in and being appreciative. And that's what I was talking about at the beginning of this video, right? If you're not present, you can't be appreciative. If you're not fully present in your day-to-day life, most of the time, obviously there's going to be moments where we have to think about something else. But if you don't take these moments and time each day to be a little bit present, what ends up happening was you forget

how to be grateful because you're always just onto the next high, the next thing, the next move. And you're moving so fast that you can't even take a second to breathe and be like, I'm so lucky. I'm so blessed. I'm so grateful to be alive. These are things that I started to realize. I used to suffer with depression. And here and there, like it's still. comes up a little bit, but I've mastered my emotions so much. I've gotten so much better at handling my mental health because I have learned to be more present and more grateful about my life and the circumstances and the things I've been able to do and the things I've been able to see and accomplish. You could always look at the things you're not grateful for, and that's really

easy to do. You have a choice. You have a choice to wake up and reframe your mindset and actually appreciate where you're at right now and be present with your life right now and be like, you know what? I'm lucky I'm alive. I'm lucky I get to see another day. Some things I've been doing to get really in my body and grounded is meditating in the morning, being off my phone more, being in nature more, taking long walks, stretching, dancing around my kitchen, like a weirdo, reading, coloring, writing, journaling, um, complimenting strangers is a big one. I just started being freaking nice to people and it's really, really easy to do that. And you know what the beauty about that is. It makes their day and it makes your day. And when you spread good energy and you spread love and you

spread kindness, it's always returned back to you. And it just feels good to be a loving person. And I think being present has helped me tap into that side of myself more and allowed me to open up more and open my heart more and connect more. Even if it's just a simple hello to someone, even if it's just smiling at a stranger and they smile back. Sometimes in New York, they don't smile back, but at least you're opening your heart up to connection. And when you're more present, you're more prone to do that. I highly recommend trying to take those steps or trying to do small things that allow you to be more in the moment. And a lot of this stems from being on your phone so much. I grew up on my phone doing social media. I've been doing social media since I'm 19. Okay. So it's been a bit. It's been years and

years of me doing it and I'm in a season of life now where I'm like I'm going to do social media. I love social media and I love being online and I love helping people. But at the same time, I also need to honor when it's time to take a break and when it's time to be in the moment and give my undivided attention to the present moment. The next thing is when you stop trying to convince people of your worth or trying to convince people to see how amazing you are, you take such an energetic weight off of your shoulders and off of your life. Stop trying to convince people to change before you can start enjoying your life. Stop trying to convince people to show up differently before you can start being happy. This is a big one I learned. I used to get upset if things didn't go a

certain way with certain people. And especially in my dating life, I forced circles into square boxes, meaning I would take a guy and make it a project, like, let's see how this turns out. I would place this expectation on them being like, I know their potential, so I'm going to ride this out. I always liked being in control in the sense of I felt like a lot of the times with guys in particular, I always got my way. Like if I saw a guy I wanted him, I got him. And that for a while was validating. In my 20s, I was like, I got it. Like, yeah. And so I didn't realize that I had built an entire world of happiness inside of me based off of that validation. When I got humbled by a situation where a guy chose another girl over me, which I don't know if that ever had happened

to me before. Maybe it has, but I don't like remember it ever happening to me. But it was someone I really liked, like, a lot. When that happened, I was, like, shattered. Beyond, beyond, beyond belief, shattered. I felt like my soul had been ripped out of my body. Like, I was that heartbroken. I was debilitated. Okay. Now, looking back, I'm like, I get why I felt that way, because I had built an entire identity. It wasn't about him. Looking back, I'm like, it wasn't about him at all, at all. It was about me having constructed this entire identity of validation around being in control. That's false confidence because the second I wasn't in control of that situation and an obstacle like got in the way and we just never ended up together.

I had the biggest reality check and wake up call for my self-love and what that actually meant. Of course I was heartbroken because I was basing my entire concept of self-confidence. on the idea that I could get this person to love me. And once again, it wasn't about him. It was about me. It was about the identity I had created around love and what that meant. And back in the day, when I was not healed, I thought love meant control, meaning like, if I get this person to love me, I'm in control and therefore I win. And like, I'm safe.

Saying it out loud sounds ridiculous, but this is like a thing. Okay. So, I mean, if you're watching this right now and you're like, that's not a thing for me. But this was my path and like this was my learning experience with relationships. What that experience taught me is that you can't always be in control of other people's experiences and free will in what they choose to do with their life. But what you can be in control of is how you feel about you and how much you love yourself. And if you truly love yourself, you'll always want what's best for. someone else, even if it hurts sometimes and it's not easy. Okay, we're human beings and we love and

like we have feelings and emotions, but if you truly are so at peace with yourself, you would want the best for that person as well. The craziest thing is I was waiting for my life to start once this person finally came back into it. I was waiting to finally be happy again once this person changed their mind and wanted me back. And you know what's crazy? They know. They know. never did. So I had to actually face myself for the first time in my life and be like, okay, this is the person that I wanted the most that never came back. And now I have to sit with myself and actually really do the inner work to love myself because they're not coming back. So what am I going to do? Am I going to sit here for the next 10 years and wither away and become

a shell of a human being? Or am I going to get my ass up? Or am I going to get up and pick myself up and heal and start over and rebuild my self-worth from the ground up. And that's what I did. I had to rebuild my self-worth and self-esteem from the ground up. It wasn't like the most fun process to do that, but it was so necessary because I wouldn't be sitting here making this video right now. I just wouldn't be the woman I am today at all. And I wouldn't be prepared for real healthy love moving forward. I always used to ask God, why, why, why, why me, why this? Why? Why? that there's always a reason the reason is within you there's a part of you that needs building or there's a part of you that needs healing always when you're going through something challenging it is for a reason

it's for a reason and at the time i didn't see the reason but looking back i'm like oh yeah makes total sense and the last thing i'm going to leave you with is really listen to your heart and listen to your heart when he's calling for you okay i love that song um i sung that song for my middle school talent show, so it's a little bit of a throwback for me. But truly listen to your heart. And what do I mean by that? I mean, stop overthinking everything and feel into here. Stop overthinking and over-analyzing and logically trying to orchestrate your life all the time. Although sometimes that's necessary to do, try to tap into your heart more and listen to what it's telling you. As my favorite person ever, Joe Dispenza says, your mind thinks, but the heart knows. And I am

obsessed with that quote because it could not be more true. The mind thinks, but the heart knows. You can overanalyze and plan and force things in your brain and like overthink to the max, but your heart will speak up. Your heart speaks the truth. Logically, there have been a lot of decisions where it didn't make sense to anyone and people were like, what the effort are you doing? And a lot of people misunderstood me when I was building my first social media brand, when I was building my first businesses when I decided to forge my own lane and move into an apartment by myself in Manhattan when I was 21. And like, I've taken so many big irrational risks in my life in those moments. I always listen to my heart. And those are where the best decisions come from because your heart

knows way more than your logical rational mind will ever figure out. Your heart is the most powerful organ in your body. So get grounded and tap into it. Open your heart. Listen to what it's telling you. what it's telling you in the comments of this video. I love you guys so much. Thank you so much for watching if you stayed the whole way through. I appreciate you. I love you. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to the YouTube channel. I'm going to be posting a lot more content on here. Sending you lots of love from New York. Stay tuned for future videos. Love you. Bye.