Date Yourself Instead - How to be obsessed with yourself (PART 2)

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

You guys loved the first one, so decided to make a part two.xxLYSSlink to my masterclasses: https://stan.store/lyssbossinstagram: @lyssbusiness inquiries: [e-mail]

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of List. Today we're going to be talking about how to be unhinged and unbothered and so detached and obsessed with you in your own life. You guys loved the recent episode, How to Become So Obsessed with Yourself. And there was so much positive feedback. I loved all the messages I got from you guys on Instagram. Go message me right now if you're currently tuning into the podcast and also be sure to hit the follow button on Spotify.

The funniest thing is I wasn't even going to post you. that episode in the first place because it was shorter than my usual episodes and I feel like I didn't have enough time to say everything and cover everything I wanted to talk about in that particular episode. I was like, maybe I'll just re-record it or maybe I just won't post it at all. It ended up being one of my highest performing episodes. So on today's episode, we're going to go deeper and get even more into this concept of being so obsessed with you in your own life and building a life that you love so much that anyone who comes into your life is a bonus, is an addition. And you're not going to have to need anyone to complete you and make you feel like the best version of yourself. I always had a habit in my 20s, especially with feeling like a guy was the blueprint to my happiness. Feeling like a relationship was the end game. A lot of it also comes down to just the way I learn. I grow through my relationships a lot and I've been through so much with different people that I've dated. It gives me a lot to think about, talk about, and I've always used people as my creative muses in a sense.

So it was really hard for me to understand this concept of being your own best muse and building a life that's so fucking exciting and so thrilling without necessarily depending on a man or depending on a person. Okay, let's dive into it. I want to make sure you guys get everything out of this episode because we've only got an hour in here. So let's do this. Number one, your attention is your most valuable asset. It is your most valuable currency. Your attention and where your energy is going at all times

is the key of this episode. This is the most important thing that I want you to take away from what I'm going to be talking about today. Our brain is always thinking of shit constantly. We're always thinking of a million things. Because of social media and today's day and age, we're constantly getting distracted. The key to becoming the greatest version of you is to know where your attention and your energy is being directed at all given times and hours of the day. You have to monitor your thoughts.

Point blank, period. It is the most important piece of the puzzle in order to build the life that you love. When I was going through the worst of my depression and heartbreak and in a really shitty place, in my life, which was the span over the course of a couple of years, looking back, I realized that my attention was always placed on someone else and what I had lost and what I was grieving. Grieving is a normal part of loss. And when you go through something really hard and difficult, this isn't to say dismiss your emotions and never shed a tear. Okay. Of course there's always going to be a process in your life and times in your life where you feel sad. You feel grief. You

feel loss. But at the end of the day, there has to be a day where you wake up and you say, I'm going to give all my attention to something else now. And it's going to be something constructive, positive, and that's going to fuel the best fucking version of me. No negotiations. It is a non-negotiable to direct my thoughts in the right place. I always had this habit of replaying the past because I'm a very emotional person. I'm a very sensitive person and I'm a very deep person. I've always had a habit of replaying the past and reminiscing and fantasizing and looking at someone's potential and looking at the potential of a situation and what that person could have done and if I could have said something differently and if I could have expressed myself better and you know if the relationship wasn't over or

is over whatever it is you get the point we've all done it we've all been there but the more you do that the more you're just going to keep manifesting things that you don't want and you're going to keep going backwards and as my parents have always told me I'm really close with my mom and dad, they always tell me and remind me, which I'm so grateful for, is to always look ahead. You always have to look ahead. You always have to wake up looking ahead, looking to your future, looking to the brighter days ahead. When you replace shit in your brain, it's just going to feed the loop of everything that

you've gone through and create more sadness, create more unhappiness in your life. Honestly, that's the truth. If you are replaying past memories all the time, you're going to just keep living in the past. manifesting situations like your past. I just recently went through something where, as you guys know, if you've listened to the podcast, if you've listened to other episodes, I took a really long period of time where I was basically celibate because I wanted to just heal my body, heal my feminine energy, and really just focus on grounding myself.

And then a couple of years went by and I was like, I really do want to be intimate with someone again. And I made that decision very consciously. I knew what I was getting myself into. after the fact I realized that that person was on a totally different wavelength than me. And he wasn't going to ever respect me or value me the way that I needed him to. His energy kind of pulled back. It just didn't feel right at all in my body.

And it shook me up and it shifted my energy and it was making me anxious. It quickly for a moment in time pulled me back to the old version of me where I was with my ex and I always felt this constant energy dynamic of push and pull. and like you don't know where you stand with someone and you're walking on eggshells with your own actions and your own energy and you don't feel in your feminine energy because that person just isn't showing up for you the way that you need them to show up even as a friend just as a human being right I knew going into this this wasn't going to be anything serious but at the same time I always expect respect from someone else I completely checked out because it really affected my energy it made me feel

very strange and it just sent me in this temporary loop in my brain that I didn't want to take part in. But the beauty about it is that I recognized it immediately and then I was able to quickly remove myself and shut it down. As much as it stung for a hot second, I was like absolutely not. Absolutely not. We're not going in this direction again. I've been there, done that. I've experienced enough in my life in my dating life. And I know what I want and what I deserve. even if it's just someone temporary, there has to be respect involved. The point of this story is my attention started drifting from my purpose, from my work, from my passions, and from being in a beautiful place on a beautiful island.

I'm currently in Bali right now. I started focusing on my anxiety and how I felt and how disrespected I felt for a moment in time, for a day. I was like completely forgetting the reason why I'm here, what I'm doing, what I'm building. And then it made me remember how important our attention is and where our energy is going. If you start getting in that loop of how you're being treated by someone else, of how you felt disrespected, of how you felt hurt. If you keep your brain in that cycle, it is so hard to get out.

The more and more you immerse yourself in it, number one. And number two, is it drains your life force. It drains your energy. It puts you on a totally different timeline where you're not focused. You're not productive. And you're disoriented. And you're thinking about the wrong things. and you start prioritizing the wrong things.

I'm so lucky to have such amazing, solid friends and people in my life as well. This is a huge thing about building a life you love and building yourself up so much. You need to find good people with good hearts that match the same frequency that you're at that can support you when you go through little things like this. Because in the past, when I would go through really hard periods of time in my relationships, with guys, with dating, and it was hurting me and my heart was. broken, I didn't have a solid group of friends around me and people in my life that could really help me walk through it easily. Now that I've learned so much about the importance of female

friendships and becoming closer with my family members, the most important thing is finding those people that will always make you feel good, lift you up, give you good advice, and ground you back into reality when you start to feel a little off or like someone's affecting you in any negative way. The second I put my attention back on the people who do really care about me, love me and respect me, I called one of my best friends that lives in London. We talked it out. She gave me really good advice. Love her so much. I'm so grateful to have such good friends. I felt a million times better. I felt so much better. I felt so much lighter. And so what I want you to take away from this first bullet point, your attention is your currency. The story of your life and your current

reality and where you're headed is always dictated by your thoughts and where you're placing your attention. So I had two choices. I could either start obsessing and spiraling over someone who wasn't giving me what I deserved or I could just remove my energy entirely and remove my attention away from the situation and move the fuck on. And that's what I did. In 24 hours, I just shifted my brain. I blocked him and I moved on. Every time you spend your precious time and hours over analyzing someone's messages, seeing if they watched your story, thinking about how they're treating you, you are wasting your most valuable currency, your energy, and your attention. And you're investing in something that's giving you no result. It will give you no long-term beneficial results

to spiral in that direction. I promise you it is going to lead you nowhere other than make you more upset. So my best piece of advice for you is if you're currently in this situation, if you're currently dealing with a situation where you feel like someone is hurting you, draining you, disrespecting you, whatever it is, cut the cord. Do a cord cutting meditation. Go on YouTube. Find one right now. Do a cord cutting meditation and redirect your energy.

Into the people that love you. Call your best friend. Call someone that you trust. Replay this episode 10 times if you feel like you don't really have anyone in your life that you can trust because I know I've also been there where I didn't have the friends that I have now. Watch a show that makes you laugh. something that's going to make you feel a little bit lighter and better and shift your focus and attention. Get on the new timeline. Monitor where you are giving your energy. And that will put you

on the right path. That will help you start creating a life you love and becoming self-obsessed again. Becoming so in love with yourself and so obsessed with yourself is a process. It's a process that often doesn't happen overnight. It takes practice. It takes rewiring your subconscious mind. It takes a lot of learning new patterns and behaviors and learning how to do what I'm saying right now, like learning how to redirect your attention. It's all part of the process of self-love. And that's also why I created my masterclasses, dare to detach, the mind-body, soul reset, and manifest overnight.

These masterclasses are to give you that jumpstart and to help guide you and really help rewire your brain and step into that new timeline. The next thing is when you are building the life that you love and you become so in love with yourself and so obsessed and devoted to yourself, your life has to be well-rounded. It has to include a mixture of everything. This is something that I've learned over the last few years in particular. I was always going to extremes with different areas of my life. It's either I was all in with my career or all in with relationships or all in with fitness.

But in order to create a life you really love, I do believe in the power of balance. and having everything feel even where you have a good fitness routine. You have amazing friendships in your life. You have your career goals. And you also can have love as well. But I do think the more you try to nourish every single aspect of your life and not just one to an extreme, that is how you really build a solid life. That's how you really love your life the most when it is well balanced.

When I went out last night, I met two girls that reminded me of younger pieces of my And they were both sitting at the bar that I was sitting at. And one of the girls was asking me about how I got started with my social media career, the evolution of it. And we were just chatting about that for a bit. And I was saying how I realized that for me personally and for my happiness, I've got into a place in my life where true happiness comes from the balance of everything. Okay.

I love making money. I love working hard. But I also know there's periods of my life where I need rest. I need to recharge and I need to be in nature. That's when I'm happiest. I don't think the answer is going all in all the time relentlessly unless you are okay with burning out and feeling like unhappy a lot of the time. To be completely honest, because I've done it.

I mean, I've done the New York Hustle Burnout lifestyle for years. And it was really challenging to always get swept up in that because I felt like my mental health and my spiritual health were being malnourished while I was making the most money I've ever made in my life and hustling. I always think there needs to be a balance. I think you can have it all. I think you could have the solid friendships, the solid income, good health and good friendships. I think you really can have it all. But it's learning about how to find the balance and building a solid foundation for yourself where you're never neglecting one of them. That's also why I created the mind-body reset because your mind, body, and soul all have to be in harmony in order to achieve success.

The beauty about nourishing all of these different parts of your life and not just one is it starts to feel a lot more abundant. You're not putting all of your energy in one basket. You're not depending solely on the success of your career and how much money you're making to make you truly happy. You're not placing all your energy on a man or on a person to fuel your happiness. If you balance all of the energies out and you put some into your career, some into dating, some into your health. It all kind of just like balances out. So you feel more grounded and balanced as a human being. And you'll be way happier that way. That is a huge takeaway. I've had just from previously throwing all my energy into one basket all the time. And I was very extreme with it. It was like if I go all in

with my career and I shut everyone out and I don't speak to anyone and I just lock in and I'm a cold-hearted bitch because I just want to get to the next level of my life, I ended up neglecting people that I loved. And it wasn't intentional, but I ended up regretting that a little bit. Because then when I came out of that period where I was like hustling and like not speaking to anyone, it just felt a little empty. It felt like, shit, I wish I had people around me. Because what's the point of building this massive life for yourself if you have no one to share it with, right? It's all about balance. It's truly all about balance and learning how to orchestrate that balance. The next thing that is super, super important. Developing your own inner compass to the point where you're not asking other

people for help and advice all the time and you're following and trusting your inner compass. I like to think of things in a future tense sometimes to help me get to my future self. I'm going to explain what I mean by that. I'm at a point of my life where I have told myself, if I was a mom and I had a child, how would I be showing up for myself right now? What would I be doing right now? If I had a young daughter that was looking up to me that wanted to be inspired by her mom, how would I be showing up for myself? And picturing that has helped me with my inner compass and my self-worth and being more grounded in my internal state because I know when I'm a mom, I'm going to be the best mom. And I'm going to want her to look up to me and I know that I have

to lead by example. So who would I be if I was leading by example as a good mom, right? Your whole life changes because it's not just about you. It's about taking care of someone else. So you have to be strong. You have to have this inner fire in you to keep going and inner strength in you to keep going. And I empathize with that. And I see that and I respect that. And I never really understood it up until I hit my 30s. And then I started to get this like little maternal instinct. I was just like, I feel like I do really want children. Not right now, but I do really want children. And when that time comes, what type of person would I be? And why not start practicing now

at building my internal compass, my intuition, my strength, my inner power? It's just something to think about. And I think being in that mindset has really helped me and pushed me forward a little bit. And you could also reframe it like this if that's not really resonating with you

is just taking care of your inner child. It's not maybe an actual child, but your inner child. And looking at this little version of you and nourishing that inner child, child. The next thing is stop chasing dopamine and actually recognize what is fulfilling you and your purpose and your future self. There is a huge difference. And this is something that I had to learn too, just from getting dopamine hits from text and people giving you attention online, all that stuff. That's

dopamine, but it never lasts, right? What will actually last is your creation and your investment in yourself. That's what's going to make you fulfilled. The things that create fulfillment that last for the long term that make you feel good and alive and confident in yourself for the long term stems from creation. You were put here to create art, to write, to sing, to perform, to dance, to create a life filled of joy for yourself in whatever way, shape, or form that looks to you, doing activities and hobbies that you love, doing things that spark that inner child version of you. For me, working out, writing, singing, these are just a few of many things that give me fulfillment. It's all about creation.

Creation will spark fulfillment within you because it's coming from within you. It's not coming from the external world. It's coming from within you. And that lasts way more than a simple dopamine rush from a night out with a guy that you liked, from getting a text from someone that you like, from getting praise from social media, whatever it is. It lasts way more. Your life starts to feel full and you start to love yourself way more when the creation and the fire

and that excitement comes from within. The next thing is just raising the standards on who gets access to you on a daily basis. I was out with my friend a couple of nights ago. We went and got wine at this amazing Italian restaurant in Bali. It was very New York vibes. I really loved it. We were just chatting about life and catching up. She looks radiant.

She looks glowing. She looks way different from when I last saw her. And it really is an energy thing. Like I feel that her confidence was rations. was radiating and I was like wow like you look amazing and something she said to me was like it really was a lot of preserving my energy and cutting out people that are no longer aligned with me just raising the standards and raising the bar on who gets access to you and creating those energetic boundaries i've said this on the podcast so many times and so many of my episodes for those of you

who are not new here you know this but it's easier said than done when you like someone when you have a crush on someone when you feel bad when you're a people pleaser when you feel guilty when you were raised with a lot of guilt and you feel like if you don't do this for someone or you don't show up for someone you're a bad person. No, you're not a bad person for choosing yourself and setting energetic boundaries on who gets access to you. You are actually a better person for doing that because you are not only putting yourself first and nourishing your mind, body, soul and nourishing who you are, but you're also allowing yourself to elevate. The only way you could properly show up for others is when you properly show up for yourselves. And that means not leaking your energy

towards relationships and people that don't deserve access to you, period. So think about this when you feel that sense of guilt, like, oh, if I don't answer this person, if I don't go out with this person, they're going to hate me. Choose yourself in a situation every time. Go to the gym instead of going out with people that aren't serving your highest self anymore. Work on your body. Work on your mind, body, soul. Any moment I have now, I think about circling back to the beginning of this episode where I am

placing my attention and my energy and where that current. is really going. And if I'm thinking about a situation, let's just say someone asks me to go get dinner and I just don't feel like we're in alignment and it's not really good for my energy levels. I think about it. Is this a good investment for my energy and for my growth as a woman? Or is it going to drain me and deplete me by the end of the night? And if you think it's going to drain or deplete you, you can't say, sorry, I can't tonight and go to the gym, do something that's going to make you feel good, create something, create TikTok videos, create something for yourself, do something for you, self-care, self-love. This is what this time in your life is all about. It's not about feeling bad if you don't make plans to see someone.

If you think it's not aligned with you, don't do it. Just don't do it. You don't have to feel bad about it. Access to you and your life as you're building it as you're creating a life that you truly loved, especially if you're someone who's been through a lot, access to you should always be earned. Access to you should always be earned. No exceptions. And the last thing I'm going to talk about is comparison games. This is a huge energy killer. If you are consuming other people's lives and looking at what they're doing and consuming their timelines, you're taking away from your own.

And this also ties back to your attention is your currency. Are you giving your attention to everyone else's lives online, what they're doing, what vacations they're on? Are you constantly consuming or are you creating? Where are you giving your energy? Are you consuming everyone's shit all the time? Or are you investing in your life and your creation and your goals? Comparison is irrelevant.

Comparing your life to someone else's life is irrelevant. It makes no sense. You are not them. There's no point in comparing your life. You're not on their timeline. You have your own path. You have your own unique goals, visions, plans for yourself. Get clear on your identity and stop comparing your lives to everyone else's.

Unless the content is genuinely fueling you, inspiring you, helping you, transforming you in a positive direction where you feel more uplifted and inspired to work on yourself, it's usually not worth consuming. If it's not making you joyful, happy, inspired, and feel good to level up and create the best version of your life, it's usually not worth investing in. At least for me, and I'm speaking for me, I only consume things that make me happy, that bring me joy, that make me laugh, that light me up. and push me to go be a better version of myself. Whenever I start getting lost in the mix of just random bullshit content, it's an energy leak. It's not doing anything for me and it's not productive. Comparison is a great way of communicating to your higher self

that you're not committing to your own timeline and not trusting in your own divine plan. So stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Do you, focus on you, invest in you, be inspired by you, be your own fucking muse in 2026. And forever. starting right now, you are your own muse. Become so focused on yourself and your own growth

that you have no time to observe anyone else's life. You have no time to observe anyone else's growth or timeline because you're all about you this year. You're all about you and showing up for you and showing up for the best version of yourself. And that is how you truly love yourself. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of List. Thank you guys so much for always being here

for listening to the podcast for tuning in. If you love this episode, let me know, drop a comment on Spotify. Be sure to check out the masterclasses. The link is in the show notes as well as on my Instagram Atlas boss. If you also want to connect with me, feel free to send me a message on Instagram Atlas, L-Y-S-S. I love you guys.

Thank you again and stay tuned for future episodes.