Date Yourself Instead - HOW TO DATE LIKE A GODDESS

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Listen to this episode before your first date! <3leave a comment if you're going out tonight, this week, and loved this epppp!! love you.subscribe to my substack here: ⁠https://substack.com/@lyssboss⁠come say hiiiii and read the life updates, business plans, dating life, storytimes, advice, tips, lifestyle stuff..allll in real time :)⁠MANIFEST OVERNIGHT MIRACLES HERE.⁠sign up for the masterclass now and see your life transform and shift overnight. miracles will happen for you the second you hit download. partnership requests - [e-mail] - @lyssxxLYSS

This video is going to be your ultimate guide to getting back into the dating game. A lot of people have been asking me, how do you get back into dating when you've been burned, when you've gone through a breakup, when you're feeling discouraged, and you're nervous about dating, and it's been a while since you've been in the dating game. I am here to give you the ultimate getting back into the dating scene guide, okay? The sexy goddess dating guide, so you can go into dating, feeling super-carrying. confident and super empowered again. I want you guys to have unshakable confidence.

You may have gone through a breakup and took a pause on dating. If you found this episode, you may be the type of person who is shy or you're feeling a little discouraged because you've been through a lot in your relationships and you just need a little confidence boost going back into dating. I know when I went through my last breakup, I stopped dating for a very long time. It was almost two years where I,

I just had to take a full on break from seeing anyone or meeting anyone because I knew I needed to heal. And I knew that it just wasn't going to be enjoyable for me if I wasn't in the right mental space to start dating again. So I took that time to heal and I took that time to glow up and change myself as much as I could in really positive, productive ways and to build my confidence to get back into dating and to open my heart up against. to love. And on today's episode, I'm going to be talking about everything that I did to prepare myself to get back into the dating game and also to open my heart up again to love and to not being afraid to love again and things I did that helped restore my faith in dating and to make dating a fun thing to do and make it exciting again. Bring back exciting first dates and being adventurous and spontaneous and meeting new people and just being social. Oftentimes

when we go through a breakup and we experience feelings like loss and grief and depression and sadness just in general from losing someone we love, it can be really, really hard to open our hearts back up again. And so after experiencing that firsthand and hearing many of your guys' stories in my DMs, you guys have messaged me a bunch, one of the most asked questions I've been getting recently was how do you get back into the dating game when you've been heartbroken before? Or you just feel like your confidence has been rocked and you're feeling a little insecure or not really sure if you could trust again. I want this episode to feel like a goddess guide to dating. The sexy, hot goddess guide to dating where you go on dates feeling like the best version of yourself and feeling so magnetic and confident and excited to actually meet these people.

people, regardless if it turns into anything or not. It doesn't always have to be the love of your life or be your soulmate or be your husband in order for it to still be fun. And in order to gain something from each date and each experience you have with a person, the reason I was able to create my podcast and the reason I feel like I have so many amazing life stories and stories to share And the reason I've acquired so many amazing valuable lessons and takeaways is because I always put myself out there to meet people and to connect with people and learn a lot through my romantic relationships. And that wasn't always through my boyfriends. A lot of the things that I learned were through just dating. And so I think dating is really important and it can be really an amazing experience if you allow it to be.

And it all depends on how you frame it and what you believe around it and your beliefs around being in love and your beliefs around dating. Because nowadays we hear a lot of people say dating sucks, dating is horrible in New York, dating's horrible in L.A., dating's horrible in London. I've traveled to quite a few places and in every city, it seems like it's the same narrative where everyone's just like, dating sucks, everywhere you live. And so is anywhere really safe? is yes, anywhere can be safe and anywhere can be enjoyable and anywhere could be exciting when you learn how to reprogram your beliefs around it. And this applies to any area of life. We create our reality and what we attract and what we see through our repetitive beliefs and our perspectives and our mindset and our energy around anything. So if you're constantly telling yourself a story of

dating is really difficult in New York, dating is really hard in. Dating is really hard in L.A. You're always going to run into dating situations that are discouraging and difficult. Personally, for me, New York has been an amazing place to meet people. I've met so many people and have had really interesting and unique dating experiences living there. And I've always tended to find myself in long-term relationships whenever I lived there. So for me, dating never felt really that hard up until I left. And, you know, meeting new people. people in different countries was a very eye-opening, awakening different experience for me. But I never liked to frame dating as challenging or something that we should be afraid of or

something that should feel discouraging. Because in reality, the whole point of life and the whole point of finally meeting your person and having that soulmate connection and getting married to the love of your life, the whole point of the build up to that is to learn about yourself through other experiences and learn about what you really want and what you really need out of the other experiences that you're in. So when you do meet the right person and it does click, you understand why everything needed to happen the way that it did and why you had to meet other people and experience other connections before you met your person.

So I'm going to be telling you everything that I did to prepare myself to get back into the dating game. I'm going to give you guys a little handbook and a little guide on what to do. on a first date and how to prepare yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, energetically, you're just going to feel really confident and good rocking up to your first date, just feeling like, I've got this, and life is fun. And this should be fun. And this should be a really amazing experience where regardless if it's a good date or a bad

date, I'm still happy. I'm still excited. I'm still excited about my future. And there's always something you could take away from a date. It could be a funny story. It can be a learning lesson. It could be one piece of wisdom that person shares with you. Or it could be the love of your life.

Who knows, okay? Maybe the next date you go on is going to be your husband. Okay? That's all I want for you. That's all I want for you. And that's all I want for me. So, so let's get into it. Okay.

Number one is on the day of the date, you need to go work out as soon as you wake up. You need to wake up early if you have to. if you have work in the morning, I understand, but you need to prioritize your fitness before anything else. And the reason I always emphasize going for a run in particular is because running gives you a certain feeling that makes you feel like you're on an energetic high. It gives you a dopamine rush and it makes you feel unstoppable. In the moment, it's really painful and the first few minutes of a run suck. But as you're running, I want you to affirm how exciting this date is going to be because every person and every connection is here to teach us something. And I want you to imagine the best

case scenario. I want you to imagine yourself walking into the room feeling confident, sexy, hot, feeling like the best version of yourself. I want you to also have a conversation with your higher self as you're going on a run. Okay. And the reason I want you to be running is because as we're running, it's creating momentum. It's really funny. Someone said I use that word too much on the podcast, but it's the only word I can really describe it. It's this feeling of built up energy that you're creating like a vortex in your body. And as you're running, you're going to be manifesting the best case scenario. This is something that I've actually gate kept because it's one of my special manifestation

tricks that I have when I really want something or I want a specific outcome. I go for a run and I channel all of my physical energy into this like swirl of thought. And it's so powerful because by the time you're done running and you're creating this vision for yourself of how something is going to play out, you feel truly amazing. And you're vibrating higher because you're moving all of this stuck energy out of your body. You're creating this excited rush, this excited feeling to make you feel alive and to make you feel really good. If you have any nerves or you're anxious about meeting this person for the first time and you haven't dated in a while, Exercising and moving your body is not only amazing because you're getting endorphins, but you're also just feeling good about yourself.

And I know for me, when I work up a good sweat and I'm moving any stagnant energy out of my body and I'm visualizing at the same time, so you're basically doing positive visualization techniques as you're running and moving, it creates this feeling of being unstoppable and feeling like you have superpowers. I like to combine my runs with electrolytes in the morning and a hot coffee. No milk, no sugar, just black coffee. And I'll drink a coconut water or water with electrolytes. And I will hydrate myself and go and just run and start visualizing. And this is something that I was like, if I share this, it's going to be a little crazy because so many of you are going to see your manifestations no matter what you're visualizing happen way faster because as you're running

you're vibrating higher and when you vibrate higher and you start feeling good you start attracting more into your life this is a really good technique before a first date and for anything if you're trying to manifest anything but for me the first thing i'm thinking about in the morning when i know i have a date i am moving my body and i am working up a good sweat and i'm sweating out any nerves and I'm like, I need to feel good and I want to look good and I want to have that post run glow. Okay? When you run, your skin literally glows afterwards. I've also noticed this post run glow because it's like a lymphatic drainage system.

It like drains all of the excess fluid and toxins out of your body as you are working up a sweat. And I know, I get it. So many of you have commented and messaged and been like, I hate running. I hate it more than anything. And I get it. I truly do. And I think it took me a while to get into it. And it is a little hard to get into it it in the beginning because you feel like you're out of breath and it's painful. But if you allow yourself to get used to this practice of just moving your body first thing in the morning,

I can promise you, you're going to feel better. You're going to feel lighter and freer and more in touch with your higher self and your intuition. And you're going to be able to manifest better. The next thing is, I want you to create a passcode for you and the universe. And it's only between you and the universe, okay? You're not sharing this passcode with anyone and especially not the person that you're going on a date with. You're using this passcode to ensure that you're in alignment. And you want to know that you're on the right path and you know that everything is going

to be okay. The reason I use pass codes with the universe sometimes is to make sure that I'm on the right track. And when I see these little winks from the universe, it makes me. me feel really comforted. The feeling you want going into a date is safety and you want to feel secure and comfortable and like you're on the right track. So for me, when I was getting back into dating, I made a passcode with the universe about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The reason I made this passcode was because it was so random. And I was like, the only way I would know that this actually

works and it's like a real pass code between me and the universe is something that's really unique and wildly specific. Okay. I want you to get specific. Don't just say blue car. I want you to say something very random to your subconscious that you normally wouldn't think about on a daily basis. So for me it was Charlie in the Chocolate Factory. There were so many weird synchronicities and things that happened after I had made that my passcode. When I started dating again, I walked into a Pilates class a few weeks later. This is when I had just gotten back to London and I was ready to put myself out there again. And the first song that was on the playlist in the Pilates studio was in a world of pure imagination from the Willy Wonka movie.

And so I was like, that's kind of weird. And then a few weeks later, when I had been dating again and meeting new people, I got into an Uber and the same thing happened where that song from Willie Wonka was playing in a world's a pure imagination. That song. Um, in case anyone was curious, in case anyone was confused as to what song I was talking about. Um, but that song is so random to me personally. I don't know if that's something on your playlist that you wake up to every morning, but for me, I don't often listen to the Willy Wonka music soundtrack often. So for me, these were all winks from the universe and they were so clear. And then I, I was sitting with my friend not too long ago, and I was talking about this one person that I was seeing that I had been dating.

And she said the passcode to me, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and I was like, oh my God. And I remembered after our conversation about my passcode because it had been a year since I had made that passcode. But all of these little wings from the universe while I've been dating have confirmed to me that every single person and every single connection I've had and every single conversation and experience. and dinner date and coffee date and interaction with a guy since I've gone through my last breakup, there's been these little checkpoints from the universe saying, you're on the right track. And for me, it makes it feel more exciting and more safe and like I'm always in the right place at the right time. And like every single connection has a purpose. Regardless, if it doesn't work out or not, there's still meaning behind each person that I've met and all of the road bumps I've experienced

along the way and all of the weird experiences I've had, they all serve a bigger purpose. And so this pass code was so significant to me for a while. And then I decided to change the pass code. But this one really stuck with me. And it was something that carried me through the early stages of getting back into the dating scene. The next thing is, you are deciding if this person is worthy of being a part of your life. And that's why I took a break a while from dating because when you're not in a good headspace around it

and you're feeling insecure for whatever reason and you aren't really in love with your own life and your own reality. You don't want to go into dating because what ends up happening is you feel like you're auditioning for someone else. It's easy to get into the trap of like, I hope they like me when you're not ready. But when you come from a place of genuine unshakable confidence and you know you're the prize and you know how amazing you are, you're going to be assessing if this person fits into your life and fits into your world. And if they can rise to meet you where you're at with your life, you want to be dating, knowing that you're so in love with your own life. And that's a really good sweet spot to be in. And that's why I always suggest, you know, at some point you have to dive in and take a leap of faith and put

yourself out there again, but if you feel like you need a little bit of time to just recalibrate and, you know, spend time with yourself, love yourself, and take a break, do so before you start rushing back into the dating world. When you're really ready, you will know. And the way you will know is in the way that you feel. You're going to be going into dating with a new mentality, where you're saying, let's see if their energy can match my world. Let's see if they can really fit into my life. And you don't have to be so cutthroat about it. but it's just more of just evaluating, right? And you knowing what you bring to the table and you knowing your value and how amazing you are

and you're not just going to let anyone into your life. Seriously, that's really important going into this date saying, how are they going to fit into my life? Because I love my life so much that they have to be willing to show up and, you know, prove to me essentially that they really are ready for a woman like me or a person like me because you know you have an amazing heart, you know you have so much love to give, and you're not just going to give that out freely anymore like you did in the past and get taken advantage of. And that's something that I had to work on, building my confidence and my self-love so

much to the point that I wasn't just going to date anyone for the sake of dating. I started dating intentionally and really evaluating when I did sit down for dinner with someone if they could fit into my world and if they were capable of loving me the way that I love. and deserve to be loved. The next thing I want you to remind yourself of going into dating is that you're going in with a very abundant mindset and mentality. Let's just say this person you think they're super attractive and you're nervous. The reason you're nervous is partly because when you actually feel a connection with someone or spark with someone or you like how the conversation is going, it could be easy to instantly throw all of your energy and eggs into one basket and get into

this mindset of like, this is my one shot at meeting the right person. This is my only chance at love because usually I don't feel this way about people. That's something that I used to say like, oh my God, it's so rare when I meet someone that I actually want to spend more time with them. And I would lock myself into this mindset of like, oh my God, if it doesn't work out, it's going to take me forever to meet someone else and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. When the truth is the universe is infinitely abundant and the right person will always be delivered to you in divine timing and you don't need to worry about the logistics of a first date. And you don't need to worry or hold so tightly onto the outcome and get so attached and fixated on what it could be or what it could turn into

or if this person is your husband. Take your hands off the wheel for a second. You don't have to go in with all of these heavy questions and expectations on a first date. Go in being excited and looking to have a fun night. That's it. That's your job is to have fun and enjoy yourself. Even if that person isn't fun, you could still make fun out of it. You could still be an entertaining person for yourself. I know for me when I've gone on dates and I didn't like the person, I was the life of the fucking party just yapping their ear off because I didn't really care at that point. Like, there was one guy. I went on a date with him. I knew that he and I were not going to work right from the beginning. And so I just started yapping his ear off and chewing his ear off and saying

weird shit on purpose because I was like, you know what? I'm just going to make the most of this date because I'm here and we're eating dinner and I'm not just going to get up and leave. So I'm just going to start telling him that I believe that mermaids are real. And I talk to mermaids whenever I go to the ocean. And let's see what he's got to say about that. And so I swear to you, he looked at me like I needed to be put away. Like somewhere he was like, this girl is a fucking crazy person. And that's also a good test, right?

When you show your weird side and you show your silly side and you're just fucking weird on purpose, If that person doesn't appreciate your weirdness and doesn't laugh and find you amusing, it's not your person. I can promise you that, okay? The right person is going to think you're fucking cute and funny and make you feel seen when you're being weird. And that's a huge thing for me, right? You just have to understand me and my sense of humor and the weird should I say. And if you don't, you're not fun.

So I just went off on a tangent and never saw him again. But the point was I still made the most of the date. And I still made the most of the moment. And it was a funny story to tell my friends and they were cracking up and they were like, oh my God, that's so funny. He was probably so weirded out. And I'm like, yeah, but it was funny for me. And it was enjoyable for me because I got to be the most free version of myself without

giving a fuck because there was zero pressure involved, right? When you know that something isn't going to work, who the fuck cares? Just be yourself. Be authentically you. Be weird. Be crazy. Be free. The whole point of dating is to figure out what makes you happy and what doesn't.

and what excites you and what doesn't and what qualities you want in someone and what qualities you don't. And so my point is just take the pressure off. Just don't go into it with all of these checkboxes and lists that you need this person to be this certain way or else you're going to be disappointed. Go into it with the mentality of I'm just here to have a good time. The next thing is dressing to impress. You should always feel confident in what you're wearing. And this is something that I actually really noticed with myself, I started being more aware of how I'm dressing. And it's not about impressing the guy or impressing the person you're going on a date with. It's literally about your own self-concept.

When you're dressing up as the highest version of you, you have to get clear on who the highest version of you is. Okay, that's number one. And number two is, how is she dressing? What kind of jewelry is she wearing? What kind of piercings does she have? What kind of hair color does she have? How long is her hair?

Like, get so specific with how your higher self looks, okay? For me, I know that my higher self is dedicated to a life of health and fitness. I love being sun-kissed. I love having a nice tan glow, whether I'm on the beach or getting a spray tan. And I started to wear less eye makeup and do more skincare. Okay, like these are just some examples that I'm throwing out there. But just getting clear on how your higher self looks and really becoming. that person. Wear the outfit on a first date, but also in general, I want you to do this.

Wear things that make you feel really powerful. Whether it's a specific piece of jewelry, I know for me, this necklace that I'm wearing right now, it's my prod a necklace. It makes me feel very powerful and lucky and abundant because I've associated a lot of amazing memories with this necklace. And I have a whole story about this necklace for another time. But the whole point is you have to wear what makes you feel most powerful. If you're being completely honest with yourself and you know the dress that you have from high school that you've worn a million times if that makes you feel most confident go for it okay but usually what i've noticed is that when i buy a new outfit i feel like i'm changing timelines in a way i'm like this is the

new version of me i just know because i get this rush and i'm excited to take pictures of myself and i'm excited to like look in the mirror and take a million pictures like you'll know if you feel confident in something when you want to take pictures of yourself and look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, damn, I look good. That's the feeling that your higher self has when she's dressing up. And this is a work in progress, okay? This isn't always an overnight thing. It took me a while to figure out what works for me, what my style really is, what makes me feel like the hottest version of myself. This is an art. It's a practice. You have to study yourself. And if you haven't already, I highly recommend going and watching my episode, how to become obsessed with yourself. That's a really

powerful episode that can get you, you know, thinking about how to study yourself more, learn what you like and what you don't like, and give you some inspiration and ideas before you go out into the world on a date or anywhere. Another thing is knowing your colors and what works for you. I know when I wear certain colors, I feel like a more confident version of myself. I know certain colors look really bad on me and certain colors look better. I also know like when I wear colors like pink, I feel more feminine and more just girly, I guess, right? So I highly recommend looking at and finding and experimenting with what works for you, what color palettes work for you.

The next thing I want you to do is scripting. Okay. If you're a little bit nervous or anxious about this date, I want you to write in your notes app. Tonight was the best night of my life. Tonight was so much fun. Tonight I had such a magical experience. Even if, for whatever reason, it doesn't work out with the person that, you're going on a date with, you could still once again have an amazing night. There's nothing

wrong with having a good conversation with someone, having a glass of wine and enjoying the essence of being in your own power and energy on a date. I've literally experienced this so many times where I've gone on a date, had a glass of wine, had a nice dinner, was dressed up, I felt really good about myself, and I just enjoyed the experience, okay? It was a nice experience to have and I knew this person wasn't my husband, but yet I still enjoyed myself. When you truly get to the point of just knowing how to enjoy your own company, it's easy to have a good time. And also, you never know how you've changed someone else's perception of dating. So sometimes, for example, I've prepared myself on these dates. I've done a little scripting on my phone on my notes app. I'm like,

tonight's going to be an amazing night, right? And this just like hypes you up and makes you feel strong and confident going into the date. Sometimes I'll also do meditations before the date and I'll say like I am so divinely protected. I'm always in the right place at the right time and tonight's going to be a magical night. And so oftentimes there's been a lot of moments where the date was great but it just wasn't the right connection. And then sometimes there's been moments where I knew that I came into that person's life at that time to teach them something about themselves and vice versa. Right. So sometimes people are placed into your life for a night for a specific reason just so you could both exchange learning lessons to each other or exchange advice

for one another or form a friendship. Like it doesn't always have to be, oh my God, if this person isn't the love of my life, dating sucks. You could always take something of value from every date that you go on. And I think scripting out how I want the night to go has really helped me when I was nervous or I was on edge and, you know, I wasn't sure what to expect. I would command the night with my own energy and my own thoughts. And I would literally get out my notes up and be like, tonight's going to be so fun.

There's nothing to worry about. Everything's going to be amazing. And I've done this with so many things in manifesting, not just dating, like just scripting in general to make sure that I'm in control of my reality through the power of my beliefs and my thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality. I want you guys to remember going into dating that you command your reality. Okay. You are a divine goddess woman. You are so powerful and your energy commands the room.

So whatever room you're walking into, it's your energy that carries the conversation and the vibe and the connection. You can dictate what goes, okay? Your energy commands the room, and this is why scripting is powerful. Visualization is powerful, what I was talking about in the beginning of this episode. And just knowing that you're in the driver's seat, okay? If you are not enjoying the time you're spending with someone, you can cut the date short. I always say, too, when people ask me, oh, I'm nervous to go out. I'm nervous to do this.

I'm nervous to do that. I'm like, you could always leave. You could, if you're not enjoying yourself, you have the option to leave. You have the free will to go home. But at least try. At least open your mind up and your heart up to try and put yourself out there and live your best fucking life. Life is short. Like you went through a breakup.

You went through so much in your life. You deserve to find love again. You deserve to be happy again. You deserve to experience joy and that dopamine and that excitement of having a crush again. So at least try. And if you're not enjoying it, I always get relief in the knowing that I can go home. Like I can excuse myself and go home. no one is holding you hostage on the chair at a dinner table, okay, or I would hope not, right?

No one is holding you against your free will to stay on a date longer than you want to. So a lot of the times I like to make a rule for myself. I'm like, if I'm going to meet someone new, I have a boundary with how much time I'm going to spend with them on the first date. If I'm really loving the connection, I'll stay a little bit longer. But for the most part, I have like a cap of a couple of hours. I'm like, I'm spending a couple of hours with this person and going home. And, you know, sometimes when you put that thought in your head, you end up really liking them. And you end up wanting to spend more time with them.

And it's funny because that happened to me the last date I went on. I was pleasantly surprised with how well it went. And I was like, I'm in love with you. And we spent so many hours talking. But I had gone into the date with zero expectation. I was like, whatever, fuck everything. I don't care. Life is good.

I'm happy. I just want to do me. and I went in with this savage mentality of like, I don't care what happens next. I just want to do this for me. I want to have a good time. I want to have a nice dinner, have a few drinks, and enjoy my time while I'm in London. And so when I did go on this date, I was so pleasantly surprised and it was so much fun. And I actually really, really enjoyed this person's company.

So it always happens when you least expect it. And it always happens when you take the pressure off of the other person. And you're just like, I know, Regardless, I'm good and I love myself and I love my life. So what's meant to be will be. What's meant to happen will happen. But I'm not going to put any pressure on a stranger that I just met, right, that I know nothing about.

Set a boundary with timing. If you're nervous and you're like, I don't know if I'm going to want to stay and I don't know if I'm going to be comfortable. Just set the boundary. And if you want to, you know, stay longer. You could always stay longer. And if you're enjoying them, you could always plan another date. But just know that you have the option to leave.

And there's nothing to be a very. of like there's nothing to be nervous about with that. The next rule I have with first dates and second dates and third dates, I would not trauma dump or get too too deep, especially on a first date. I feel like if the connection is really spiritual and really intense, I've had this with people where like you have a tendency to overshare and, you know, open up and have like a therapy session with this person. And although that can be really healing and amazing and obviously every conversation happens

for a reason and every connection happens for a reason, I do believe that it's important to not overshare too much on a first date and keep it light, keep it fun and keep it entertaining. You want to keep the conversation and the energy high frequency, okay? You don't want to start trauma dumping and replaying the past and hashing into what your ex did to you and all this stuff the second you meet someone, okay? There's a time in place for everything, but I do believe on a first date if you want to keep the frequency high and exciting and you're just there to have a good time and really get back into the dating scene, don't trauma dump. This is another thing too.

Not everyone should earn access to your past and your past heartbreaks and everything that you've been through, okay? You want to build that trust over time. Sometimes when we're quick to open up to people emotionally, that can create an attachment that shouldn't be there in the first place. So people have to earn the right to know more about your past and know what you've been through. I would keep it light. Keep the focus on fun, happy things and be your happy, smiley highest version of you. Don't overload people with your problems. That's just something that I've learned over time because sometimes it'll make the mood a little bit heavier if you start getting into all of the details so fast with someone you barely know. I've made that mistake before where you start getting into all of these deep things and deep thoughts. And then it goes from this high of being so happy. and silly and fun to being like, boom. And you kind of just sit there and you're like, hmm, this is a little, this is a little bit

of a vibe change. So I think the key is to avoid those topics until you get a little bit closer, okay? And then if you really start to like them and trust them and you build that trust together, of course, share whatever it is you want to share. But I think for a first date in particular, keep it high vibe. The next thing is let them pay. If you're a woman watching this right now, let them pay. and make it effortless and seamless.

If you feel in any way like you have to offer to pay, they're not your person. You have to just make it a known fact that they're paying on the first date, okay? If you're six months deep into a relationship and you want to start paying for their coffee and small things, I mean, whatever. Do whatever works for you. But on a first date, the rule is strict for me. The man pays. And the reason being is, I think it's just a sign of respect. it's a little more traditional, apparently in today's day and age, but I just find that it's a really

nice gesture. It's not about the money. It's about the principle. And it's about sitting in your divine feminine energy. And you're not even going to offer. Like, I feel uncomfortable offering to pay. Let's put it that way. Whereas back in the day, I had this weird thing like guilt of some sort. Like, oh my God, maybe I should offer to split the bill. No. On a first date, the man should always pay. That's a non-negotiable for me. If I have to pay or split a bill with a guy, I know he's not my guy. I was raised in a traditional Italian household. My dad is very traditional.

He's Italian. He's very cutthroat in the sense of he's taught me the man provides. The man provides. He takes care of his woman and he pays. And obviously in today's day and age, it's a little bit different. And, you know, everyone has free will to decide what type of relationship works for them, what type of dynamic works for them. If it works for you, it works for you. This is my podcast and this is what works for me and what I've noticed is that I feel more in my

feminine and I feel safe and protected and valued when a man takes the lead and he knows that he's paying without a question. And it's part maybe cultural. It's the way I was raised. And it's a preference for me. So if you don't agree, you don't agree. But I know that on a first date, I will not be paying ever. And if I do, that person to me is a friend.

I've had my female friends pay for me before. And of course, I paid for them as well. But it's like one of those things where you're like, it's just, it's the right thing to do. And I really don't think I need to explain that further. If you in any way, shape, or form feel bad that a guy is paying for you or you feel like you have to do like the purse reach and pretend you're paying the bill or like splitting the bill with him, you got to cut that shit out. I don't agree with that at all.

I think it's bizarre. And I think if he is complaining about finances to you, this is another thing. If he's complaining about finances to you, if he's saying he's financially struggling, he shouldn't be sharing those things with you, number one. And I also think that he shouldn't be trying to court women and date women if he's going to make you feel like obligated in any way to pay on a first date. Now, I'm talking about first dates, okay? if you choose to split certain things with your partner when you were together and you're seriously together, that's your decision to make.

On a first date, I do think this is or should be a non-negotiable. And also, this is what I do when someone pays because there was a point in my life when I was younger where I was a little bit awkward about it because I was like, oh my God, like they paid. No, they pay the bill and they pay and you say, thank you so much. I had an amazing night. Or thank you so much. This was such a nice place that you picked. Or thank you so much. I had the best time.

Easy, done. So simple. Be the sweet angelic version of you. Be the beautiful goddess that you are and sit in your divine feminine energy and be like, thank you so much. Thank you. I really appreciate that. That's all you got to say.

You don't have to say anything else and make them feel appreciated. Like that's all you have to do. Your presence is a gift. And you don't have to be pretending that you wanted to pay or any of that. Like that's so silly. He knows that that's his job. Let him be in his masculine energy and court you properly. Period.

The next thing is really important. And it's something that I learned over time with building my confidence and just in general dating a lot and having a lot of experiences. You do not have to justify things that you do, things that you believe or your standards. So for example, if you don't like to drink, you don't have to drink. And you don't have to justify why you're not drinking. And this is an issue that has come up for me before. When I had gone through my breakup, I was getting back into dating,

and I was trying to stay sober and just not drink at all. Because obviously alcohol can mess with your emotions, and I knew I was in a vulnerable state. And I'll never forget this. I went on a first date with someone that I had matched with on a dating app, and he and I went to get a drink, and I decided I had a one drink policy. I was like, I'm having one drink.

and that's it for the night. And what ended up happening was I stopped drinking my drink. I had like a few sips, but I was like, eh, I'm just going to stick to water. And he was guilt tripping me, which instantly showed me that he wasn't my guy and I didn't like his character. He was like, really, don't be a loser. Like, don't be a loser. He kept saying, don't be a loser. Don't be a loser. Don't be a loser. Come on, like, drink. And so I felt so uncomfortable and disrespected. And it was so clear right away, okay, he doesn't respect my boundaries. He doesn't respect what I'm telling him. I told him I wasn't drinking. And I even broke that boundary to have a conversation with him. And now I'm pissed. So it was really easy for me to cut that off and know he wasn't my guy. And I told him straight up after the date. I was like,

I don't see this ever working. No explanation. I didn't go into the details. I just said, no, this is not going to work. And you'll see people's true character and colors if they respect you by holding your standards firm and holding your rules in place. for what you want, what makes you comfortable, and what's important to you? Bottom line, if you don't eat certain foods, if you don't like certain foods, if you don't want to stay out late, you don't have to do any of these things. Stick to what makes you feel good. Stick to what works for you. Don't go by his playbook and his rules and feel guilty or feel obligated because he's taking you out. For example, another thing that happened to me, I went out with a guy

who took me to this really nice restaurant and I don't eat seafood. And so he kept eyeing my plate and he was like, are you not going to eat that? And I was like, I'm allergic and I don't like seafood, period. Like that should be enough, you think, right? And he kept pressing it. He's like, come on, just have a bite. Just have a bite. And I'm like, first of all, what the fuck? Like, first of all, what the fuck? Second of all, it's just bizarre when someone feels like they have the right to tell you what to eat when they don't know you, right? This was a first date that I had. And I was like, this is weird. I feel pressured. I feel like you're trying to pressure me when I just told you very clearly that I can't eat this. And also, even if I wasn't allergic, which I was,

I wouldn't eat it anyway. So now I'm sitting here having to justify why I'm not eating what's on my plate. I don't want it. Once again, these things, when you have certain things that you need, when you have certain rules or standards or preferences, when it comes to dating, you stick to them, Okay, you stick to your rulebook and not the other persons. And don't you ever feel bad or guilty for saying no or turning down something that makes you feel uncomfortable or some guy is expecting you to sleep with him? Whatever it is, right, sleep with you on the first date. You say absolutely not unless you genuinely want to. That's different.

But if you have the rules, if you have rules and boundaries, stick to them. It doesn't matter what the other person wants. Okay. You have to do what works for you. The next thing is just listening to your intuition and trusting yourself. and trusting how you feel around someone. If you feel genuinely safe, appreciated, magnetic, adored, and you feel like you had a really nice time

and you want to see them again, that's a really good sign. That's a really good sign. You'll know. You'll just know. My grandma said to me, before she passed, something that I'll never forget, and I literally have it recorded on my voice notes,

and I'm so glad I recorded the conversation. But we were talking about dating, and I was telling her, you know, just all this shit I've gone through. And it's been such a journey for me, dating-wise. She was so iconic and she was married twice. And she was like, all the boys wanted me. All the boys wanted me.

She used to work at Abercrombie. And she met her late husband at Abercrombie. And so she was like, you'll just know. You will know if it's the right person. You will know. You will know. And her words have always stuck with me and just made me feel so comforted and safe as I've been navigating dating and meeting people.

and assessing if someone's right for me. Remember that you're in the driver's seat, as I said, you have to define what works for you and trust that you will know, trusting yourself more than ever, and knowing that your intuition is insanely powerful and it's stronger than you think and more powerful than you know,

and you will know if it's the right connection, if you should go on a second date, if you should trust that person, lean into your intuition, okay? And don't feel obligated. This is another thing. Don't feel obligated to rush the timeline of a relationship.

If something feels like it's moving too fast, take your time. Take a step back to recalibrate. I think protecting your energy in a good way, in a healthy way is so important when you're first getting to know someone, when you're first starting to like someone, when you're first starting to get feelings for someone again. You don't owe anyone an explanation to take your time. And I think when someone's trying to floor it with you and push you and love bomb you into doing something or, you know, seeing them all the time or, you know, rushing into the dynamic,

I think that's actually not a good sign. And the reason I'm saying that is because I've dated a lot of guys like that. And every time it felt like I was compromising my pace because they were so invested energetically. And I was the one always saying like, this is moving kind of fast, but they seem to really like me. And what I've learned from that, and this is advice that I've also gotten from my dad as well, is it has to go at your pace and what you're comfortable with.

Always, not the guys. Not the guys. It goes at your pace and what makes sense for you and what makes you feel comfortable. And if you feel like someone's moving too fast with you, trust that. It doesn't mean they're a bad person, but just trust that. And take time for yourself to recalibrate and really think about, do I really like them? Or are they just giving me attention? And I like the attention.

Maybe I'll make a part two of this if you guys are interested and you liked this and you like this dating guide. I'll leave you with these last words of wisdom. When you know who you are, when you truly get down to who you are, dating is not to be chosen by someone. That's not what dating is about. Dating is about meeting someone that can complement the most amazing life that you've already built for yourself. It's about finding that person that's going to elevate you in even more ways than

you've already elevated yourself. It's about finding that soulmate counterpart. It's about finding that soulmate love that can support you and make you feel like the best version of yourself and make you feel like an even greater version of yourself and complement your reality. It's not to be chosen and it's not to find validation and to hope that someone likes you and sees your worth. You are already whole and worthy and lovable and incredible on your own right now. So just keep telling yourself that when you go into dating and you start getting back into the world of dating, just remind yourself that you don't need

anyone else to make you feel amazing, okay? That all starts from within you and the work you do on yourself and you get to decide. You get to choose if this person is going to be the person that comes along with you for the ride of life. And it should be fun. It should be fun. It should feel like an adventure. It should feel exciting. So get out there and enjoy yourself, bask in your beautiful goddess energy and enjoy your life. Open your heart. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the experiences. Because eventually, when you do meet the love of your life, you're going to look back and realize that all of these dates, all of these people and things you experienced and the connections that you made, it was all part of a greater plan to build your timeline and prepare

you for the right person. And you'll see why everything happened the way it did later on. Like, you'll see, oh, this is why I had to go through this. This is why I had to meet this person. This is why I had 10 bad dates because on the 11th date, I met the absolute love of my life who, who, is literally picture perfect and is everything I've ever wanted. You will know. And the beauty of that is looking back at everything that I've been through. I'm like, it actually was a really fun ride. There were a lot of really difficult moments for sure, but it made some of the best stories. And it gave me purpose. It gave me meaning. All the hardships, all the breakups, all the things I went through. It built my fucking legacy. I've lived out so many amazing timelines and I've learned so much about

myself and have unpacked so many layers of myself that I never would have if I hadn't gone through any of that. So I'm excited for you. Let me know how your date goes. Drop a comment on Spotify, on YouTube. Share this episode with a friend if they're going on a date. And if you're enjoying the podcast, feel free to let me know in my DMs at LISS. Follow me on Instagram. Follow the podcast on Spotify and Apple. It really does help the show grow. I love you guys so, so much. You're the best. And stay tuned for future episodes.