Date Yourself Instead - How to detach and end toxic cycles in 2025 - choose your PURPOSE over a PERSON.

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

2025 is your year to focus on your mission, your goals, your life, your passions and wildest dreams - so why are you still throwing your energy into people and situations that aren't benefiting your highest good? In this episode, I get transparent about learning how I found my purpose by realigning my energy and finding my PURPOSE and focusing on that instead of a person. I reflect on a past relationship and realize how far I've come in my healing process. Instead of going back, I focused more on my purpose and what makes ME feel good. I cover also ways I've been able to completely shift my energy and realign myself when things feel depressing or difficult. If you loved this episode and you're enjoying the podcast, send me a message on instagram anytime. I would love to hear from you. @dateyourselfinstead @lyss MY MASTERCLASSES: SIGN UP HERE. 🔗

The art of detachment is knowing your purpose and creating love for your purpose instead of over another person. I know how hard it could be to detach from someone you love that you thought you could spend the rest of your life with. And that one person that you literally woke up next to every single day for months or years, and you felt like they were your best friend

and the love of your life, and you could never picture your life without them. I get it. I've been there. I've been in several serious relationships. For those of you who are new to the podcast, I'm going to give you a little background on my story, just so you have an idea of where my knowledge

and experience is actually coming from. I don't know if I've actually made this into one episode and made it crystal clear, but I wanted to give you guys a little background. Even if you've been listening to the podcast for a very long time, I think this episode is going to really making everything more clear for you as far as why I started the podcast and also my background in relationships and what I've learned from dating people for long periods of time. And then going through breakups and going through heartbreak and having to come out of those situations as a spiritual warrior, because I get it.

I know what it's like to be at rock bottom, to be heartbroken, to be bedridden, and feel like you don't even want to get out of bed and take on your day because your heart is hurting. So, I was in a long-term relationship from the age of 14 until about 22, which is roughly eight years, I want to say. And it was on and off. It was definitely my first experience of what a toxic relationship is. But I was young and we were in high school. We met my freshman year of high school. We were both the same age and we were both very young. And obviously,

when you're 14 years old, you don't really understand the concept of what true love really is. And back in the day, when I was 14, there was no social media, there was no Instagram, and we didn't have access and resource to podcasts and tools and Spotify to listen to relationship advice and to go to different resources to understand the concepts of dating and what true love is really about. So back then, I know it sounds like I'm speaking as if I'm 90 years old, but it really wasn't that long

ago when we didn't have access to these resources and tools the way that we do now and we didn't have access to the internet the way we do now. So I just remember during that period of my life, it was my first experience of love, what true love to me felt like at the time at 14 years old. I consider it my first love, I consider it my first real taste of what having a boyfriend was like and having a romantic partner was like.

And it was interesting because, even though it was a relationship where everything was kind of blurry because when you're that young you're kind of navigating puberty, you're navigating kind of figuring out who you are, what you want to do when you graduate, you don't really know your direction, you don't really have a purpose, you don't really have a clear sense of self in that time frame so I feel like for me it was actually a Relationship that was kind of just setting the foundation for

My future relationships because that was all I knew and when I think something is all you really know and you're conditioned By it at such a young age, you tend to repeat the same patterns and cycles over and over again because that's what's ingrained in you as the foundation for relationships. So coming out of that relationship and starting it at such a young age

and then having that set the foundation for eight years straight of what I thought a relationship was like, it really did affect my future relationships. I believe that relationship was the start of how I kept repeating toxic patterns and cycles. And my second relationship repeated a lot of the same patterns I saw in my first boyfriend. And I didn't even realize it until I was out of it,

but I felt like I was dating the same type of person just in different physical bodies. And then with my last relationship, which officially ended when I was 30, and we cut off all contact, and it was just something that I have yet to really dive into on the podcast, I realized that even that person had parts of what my first boyfriend was to me. friend was to me. And even that relationship showed very toxic patterns and cycles that I had felt in my first relationship. So something I've realized is when we are young, and we have those initial experiences with a partner and with a person that can really set the foundation for what we think is right and what we think is the right thing in our relationships. And that's how we start these patterns and cycles, and then we get attached to them.

And then when we repeat them, it's the same narrative and shit show where it doesn't work out. And then we end up heartbroken and we end up crushed again and then we end up defeated again and we're like, why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? X, Y, Z. If you've been someone who's repeated

the same toxic relationship patterns, you will understand this concept because it happens and it's common and I get a lot of messages about it and I've been there and I understand it. So that's kind of the context of my relationship history and I'm sure I could dive into much deeper details of each relationship and each person I've ever dated in my life but I'm going to spare you the details on this episode because I want to get straight to the point. But I just wanted to give you guys a little bit of background on what I've experienced and where my

information comes from. Because I also get this question a lot. Are you a therapist? Are you certified in psychology? What is your deal? And I'm like, no. I never started the podcast because I studied psychology or I never even thought I was going to really do this full time.

I always wanted to and I love speaking and I love sharing my wisdom and my knowledge. But I wasn't starting this from a professional standpoint. I was starting this to connect with other people on a professional standpoint. I was starting this to connect with other people on a friendship standpoint. I feel like it is a passion of mine to connect with other people, share my advice as a best friend. I'm not here to say that I'm a professional by any means

when it comes to relationships. But I have had a lot of experience. And I think when you go through a lot of personal experience, it builds your character, it gives you the knowledge and wisdom you need. And I think being hands-on and dealing with different types of men and dealing with different types of relationship dynamics, I do have a lot of insight and knowledge that I bring to the podcast. So if you do enjoy it and you do feel like it's relatable,

keep listening. And I'm very grateful that you're here. But I wanted to create this episode really to one, validate your feelings if you are going through a really painful heartbreak and you feel like you're having trouble detaching and letting go of someone that you truly love. And two, I wanted to give you some of my life experiences and show you how easy it is to get lost in someone else and what you can do to change that and what you could do to pull away from that

and actually start focusing on your mission and your future self versus that person that you're so attached to. I also decided to come up with this topic today because being back in London has reopened a lot of relationships that I had in previous experiences when I've been here. I was dating a guy this past year from London and he came back into my life.

The second I landed and the second I stepped off the plane, I got a message from him, and he was trying to meet up with me. He was messaging me, saying he wanted to catch up, saying that he thought I looked beautiful in a story. And I'm like, do you remember, do you recall anything that just happened? Do you remember how you just deaded me and kicked me to the curb after you got a free vacation in New York City and used me for my apartment. Sometimes it's just like you don't understand the psychology of how a person's brain works because if

you have any normal sense of compassion and human empathy, the most decent thing you could do is first start off with an apology. That's my biggest thing. If you fucked up, if you made a mistake, I think the easiest way to rebuild a connection is to start off by owning it and issuing a sense of sorry. Hey, I made a really big mistake and I want to discuss it if you have a minute. But no, that never transpired. What transpired was the same bullshit that I was dealing with several months ago when I had cut it off. And there was a part of my ego that wanted to reply because I was still attached to the idea of the what-if and

At that time when those things ended over the summer I was really heartbroken if you listen to the episode how to heal from a heartbreak you deserve better So do I that episode covers a lot of what I was going throughout the time and you could hear it in my voice you could hear how sad I was you could hear how sad I was, you could hear how drained I was. And now I'm in such a different place. Just a few months later, I've fully recovered. I'm totally fine. And after taking a step back, I realized that that person was like the least compatible person for me and didn't deserve an ounce of my energy. Even though I know all of that logically and I believe it at my core, there was still a tiny piece of me that just wanted to reply and be like, what are you

doing? What's going on? Why are you messaging me? But I took a deep breath, I composed myself, and I kept reminding myself of how far I've come in my healing and how it would never even be relevant or worth it, even if I sat down and had dinner with this person and had a conversation with him about what happened, I don't think it would change anything. Because when someone is just not good at their

core, nothing is going to change. And I think every circumstance is different. But if you are attached to someone that doesn't want you and doesn't have your best interest at their core, nothing is going to change by staying attached. Nothing is going to change by continuing to think about them and put your energy into them and hope that things are going to work out. You know deep down if someone has your best interest at heart. You know it at your core. You know if they truly love you the same way that you love them.

You'll just know. Because I have good friends like this. I have family like this. Where you know even in the worst of times and the shittiest of times, those people are gonna stand by you and have your back. So if you have an argument with them or you have a falling out with them,

you know that if you eventually get to the point where you're communicating again, it's worth the communication. It's worth reconnecting because you know that you have this love for each other. But there's so many people listening to this podcast that attach themselves and bury their energy into people that don't love them the same, that don't wish the best for them the same, that don't support them the same,

that don't have their fucking back. Why are you investing your valuable, beautiful energy in people that don't have your back, that don't love you the same? Yes, I understand feelings are feelings and emotions are valid. Everything you're feeling is valid. I'm not canceling that out because I've been there and I understand what it's like to love someone

that doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel good. But what will feel good is eventually learning how to take that love and not only put it into yourself because I know that's super cliche, but Put it into your purpose Put it into something that Excites you when you find a passion and a purpose and a calling that excites you to wake up every single day, and you put your energy and your love into that instead of another person that can't see your worth,

that's when your life will change and you will become a brand new fucking human being. You will love yourself more just by following your purpose and your passion. You will love yourself more by following your calling and following what you were put here on this earth to do. When you discover that, you will not invest as much as you used to invest in other people because you were so focused on the mission. The art of detachment is knowing your purpose and creating love for your purpose over a person,

over another person. When you love your job and you love your work and you love what you're building over a person, the person becomes smaller and smaller and smaller and less significant. I'm going to tie it into this example of this guy because it's so recent, it's so fresh. He was like messaging me, he followed me.

I was like, what is going on? He just kind of like fired himself back into my life. And I haven't even spoken to him in three, I wanna say it's three months now that I went completely no contact after that whole thing happened. I was done dirty by him like it was I was like being too nice at the time I think I was being very forgiving and understanding it what he was saying when he ended things and he was like like you know I'm you know I'm confused

I'm working out my life blah blah blah whatever he said I don't even fully fucking remember at this point but I was like like, oh yeah, I get it. I do. Blah, blah, blah. I get it, I get it. And then after I pulled myself out of it, I was like, what the fuck just happened? I cannot believe that someone has the audacity

to flip a switch on me like that, to pull the rug out from under me like that, when I am such an amazing, loving, caring, empathetic, kind human being. I love myself. I genuinely love myself. And to even have someone in my vibrational field that had the audacity to treat me the way that he treated me was very

uncalled for. And I think for me the detachment came really fast because I loved myself enough to know my worth and to know that I don't stand for that shit anymore. Maybe I did two, three years ago, maybe a version of me a couple years back tolerated shit like that. And I think especially, three years ago, maybe a version of me a couple years back tolerated shit like that. And I think especially with my last relationship, what I went through and being severely betrayed set a new bar of self-love for me because I was like, I'm not going through this bullshit with anyone ever again.

And if I do, I did cut it off and I was just more mad at myself for even entertaining this type of person in my energetic space after all the work I had done on myself. I was like, absolutely fucking not. This is my last straw. Goodbye. And the detachment came from not only seeing my worth and knowing it at my core and just knowing, okay, this person is just irrelevant now because I know that my husband would never do what this person did or be this person in general, like my husband could never. But it was putting my anger and my bitterness and my sadness and any feelings I felt towards a situation into my purpose. I catalyzed the energy, and I put it into my purpose, which is the podcast, right? Now, this could be anything you want for you,

but you have to get clear on what your mission is in life. What are you most passionate about? What are you most excited about? What drives you? What sparks your creative side? then focus on that and that is what you are going to put your energy into when someone Does you dirty fucks you over breaks up with you breaks your heart? Whatever it is any negative emotions that you're feeling because of another person I want you to take that energy and channel it creatively and watch

how much better you feel. Now it's not the end all be all cure, because obviously it's important to grieve, it's important to feel things, but this is my hack to detachment. This is the key. This is part of the art of detachment, is putting your heartbreak into a mission and into a purpose.

That's literally how my podcast was created in the first place. I was going through toxic bullshit with people that hurt me, that destroyed me, that betrayed me, and I said, how can I alchemize this energy and put it into a purpose, put it into a project. This is how artists live their life. This is how artists live and breathe their pain. They take their pain and they alchemize it into art. Musicians, they take their pain, they alchemize it into music. Painters, they take their pain, they alchemize it into painting on a canvas or into different forms of art, whatever. Athletes, I'm sure when they're very emotional and wound up about something and they're going through shit,

they channel their energy into the sport. You have to alchemize the energy. If you sit in bed for months, if you stay stagnant, if you stay in this fog of, I can't believe they did this to me, I don't know what to do with myself, I feel shit, I feel worthless, you get it. If you stay there, you're going to stay there

and you're always going to be sad. I think tying this into an aspect that I wanna talk more about in 2025 is this concept of depression. This is where depression stems from. This is my opinion, and I know part of it's genetic because I actually did some testing. I think it comes with like your 23andMe or whatever, but I did some DNA testing and I got a report back that bipolar disorder runs on my mother's side of the family.

And I kind of knew this already because I grew up with depression. I would have these crazy irregular mood states as a child. I remember it very clearly. One minute I would be fine, the next minute I would just feel this heaviness and depression, and then literally an hour later I would be fine again. And it started when I was very, very young. So I do believe there's an element of genetics, of course. And I also believe another side to it is taking control of it and not letting it own you and doing some severe generational healing and unpacking the trauma through energy work. And I've done so much work on it that I've gotten my place.

I've gotten my brain to a state where I don't fluctuate in moods anymore. And it's a combination of things, right? But for me, I've noticed what really helps when I'm depressed, when I feel low, when I feel really, really shit, is alchemizing the energy. And sometimes you have to actually force yourself to do it because you're not gonna wanna do it when you're at your low. You're not gonna wanna get out of bed. You're not gonna wanna get off your couch. You're not gonna wanna leave your apartment.

You're not gonna wanna talk to anyone because you're depressed. Depression is really interesting because it will tell you that, it will basically just tell you that you suck. It'll just tell you don't even bother doing anything, just stay in and be miserable. And you kind of see the world in a different lens.

And then when you're out of it, you're like, oh my God, how did I ever think that I was like incapable of anything? Like, I'm amazing. I love myself. Like, why would I think that? But depression can cloud your judgment of yourself and it can make you do things that you wouldn't do and it can think of thoughts that you wouldn't normally think about and it almost feels like it's out of your control. But what

I've learned is you have to fight it and take intense action to fight it in order to get rid of it. And it's easier said than done, but I've gotten better at mastering it and understanding when these thoughts come up, when I'm feeling this way, I have to force myself and push myself out of it. And then once I do and I get to the other side where it's lighter and brighter, I'm like, thank God, I saved myself. Thank God, I pulled myself out of this. I have to be my own hero.

And as I said, it's not as easy as it sounds as maybe I'm making it sound, of course, and I get it. And for those of you who struggled with mental health, you get it. It's not an easy battle, but there are ways to cope. There are ways to deal with it. And I think for me, what I've done tying this back into the episode is alchemize the energy. So when I was away and I was on my healing mission after this year and just trying to really heal my heart and just figure things out with my last relationship

because I had stored and buried a lot of trauma there. I went to a ceremony with a group of women and one of the women recognized me and then we started talking. And then I found out that she had known my ex and she knows who he is and he had crafted, of course, a bunch of lies to her about me and I was like shocked that she even knew who he was because he's literally just this random man with no social media presence and I don't even know how. I don't know how it

happened or how she knew him. It was pretty sketchy and at the same time it like triggered me beyond belief. After I had put all my time and effort into healing my heart and then just meet and then to meet this woman it was like the biggest test for me because it kind of felt like in the moment it set me back and I had a really bad day and I was just super depressed and I was very triggered. And I remember feeling just a mix of like depression, anger, anxiety. And that whole day I was like not okay. I was walking around in a daze. I was like why is this happening and why is this resurfacing again? I came to Bali to heal. I came to Bali to fucking heal.

And now I'm meeting this girl who's telling me that she knows my ex, and I don't know who knows what they did, they hooked up. I don't know, I have no fucking, I literally have no idea, because it's hard for me to trust people at this point. So I'm just like, you know what, I need to do something with this energy. I cannot stay stuck in this emotion.

And the hardest thing I ever did was go and, sounds kind of like silly, but it changed everything. I went to the spa and I jumped in an ice bath and whatever, I paid $20, whatever it was, got a spa pass and jumped in a nice bath. And it sounds so simplified and so silly, just to say it out loud, but I am telling you when you shift your energy in any way, shape or form, it shifts your timeline and it shifts your emotions and it shifts your mood and it shifts everything.

And then you'll start to attract new experiences and change your reality based on the way that you're thinking. So when I did that, I met a guy in the ice bath and then we started talking and talking to him, telling him what happened and then being freezing cold at the same time, completely shifted my mood, my emotions, my reality.

And I got myself back to a place where I felt very neutral about everything. And I wasn't triggered anymore and I felt completely fine. And my depression went away. I was suddenly happier. I got out of the ice bath. I was like too cold to even be sad. You know what I mean?

You have to do something that's going to shock your system. You could take a freezing cold shower and do this too, and then listen to a self-help podcast or call a friend that you know is going to help you get out of it. But do things, take action to alchemize the energy once again. That is the key to take these negative thoughts, emotions, patterns That is the key to take these negative thoughts, emotions, patterns, and destroy them with your strength because you are stronger than them. You are better than these thoughts. You are more powerful than these thoughts. You can take control and just alchemize that energy. Change that energy into something positive. And the way there is gonna feel like, oh, I don't wanna do this.

The last thing I wanted to do was jump in a freezing cold bath while I was pissed off out of my mind. I don't enjoy that. That's not something I wake up and wanna do. I know there's people out there that love, oh, I love taking ice baths and challenging myself. I'm like, no, I don't like to challenge myself.

I don't like to challenge myself. I like staying comfortable. If it was up to me, I would't like to challenge myself. I don't like to challenge myself. I like staying comfortable. If it was up to me, I would just sit and wrap myself in a thick cozy blanket in the winter and sit on my couch and rot. I would, but I know that's gonna be terrible long-term for my mental health. So you just have to push yourself to change the energy.

And this ties back into the art of detachment you just have to push yourself to change the energy. And this ties back into the art of detachment because when you alchemize the energy, you are essentially detaching from what you were clinging onto. Whatever thoughts you were clinging onto, whatever bad energy state you were holding onto because you wanted to stay in the pain, you are allowing yourself to detach from it now and shift timelines and shift into a new reality where you feel good and you feel better and you feel more

grounded and you're not dwelling in sad emotion and you're not attached to these negative thoughts. And a lot of people will ask me, I can't get over this person or I can't seem to get out of this work environment that I'm in or my boss hates me and I'm miserable at my job and what do you do when you work with an ex? And there are so many scenarios that people go through they have to face where they're in really challenging situations. But my advice to you to detach, to really master the art of removing your energy is to alchemize it. Take that energy and do something with it. If you are feeling stuck on someone, if you are heartbroken, if you are at rock bottom in pain over a relationship or another person,

what can you do with those feelings and that emotion and that energy and channel it into something creative? What can you do? What are you passionate about? Write it down something creative. What can you do? What are you passionate about? Write it down right now. Get out your notes app on your phone or pen and paper, or you could just think about it, but I highly recommend writing down

because writing down your thoughts is really good for your subconscious mind and it helps you process things and you can go back and just look at it and remember it very easily as a reminder. What are you passionate about? What can you work towards right now? What can you work on right now that is going to alchemize your energy?

Think about it. What did you love to do growing up as a kid? What did you love maybe a few years ago before you met that person? What were you passionate about? I think a big thing for me that I've learned is I tend to get distracted and sidetracked and I abandon my love for life with the wrong people. That's how you know too if someone's just wrong for you is if you start abandoning not only yourself but your passions but your love for life. What makes you excited.

I used to horseback ride, I played tennis, I played volleyball growing up, I played basketball, I swam, I took voice lessons, I was in musical theater. I baked, I did fucking everything under the sun when I was younger. My parents, they exposed me to a lot of extracurricular activities in school. I sung opera for 10 years, maybe I'll get back into that. I was like classically trained in opera. I did competitions, I did horseback riding competitions. Like, I was all in with life. I was all in with my passions and myself and my

life. I really was growing up and I have the privilege to say that because I know a lot of people maybe didn't have that privilege. So I'm super, super grateful that I did. And it's not that I was super wealthy, it's not that my parents had a lot of money, they didn't. They didn't. But they wanted me to have life experiences and they prioritized their money towards giving their children experience and good education. And that's a beautiful thing and And I'm so, so grateful, as I said, for that. But I lost all of that in the midst of dating men.

Like, literally, I lost what I loved the most about life and doing fun things and doing cool shit for the sake of falling in love. And I'm not saying I regret any of it, because I don't, and I wouldn't be here on a podcast talking about dating yourself instead if I hadn't gone through all of this. But it makes me think and reflect back on my childhood a lot

because I'm like, what can I do to nurture that inner child now at almost 32 years old? Like what steps can I take to reignite that inner child and become the star of my own life again and love myself again and do what makes me excited and happy to wake up in the morning. Now I'm thinking about that. 2025 is a year where I go all in with my passions again. I'm going to do cool shit. I'm going to create art. I'm going to create music. I'm going

to create more podcast episodes with cool people. That's what excites me. And when you are so deeply focused on the mission and the purpose, you are able to detach from bullshit because you're so excited about your mission that those people fall off the map and they're not a part of your timeline anymore. If someone is taking you away from your love for life and your zest for life and your passions, goodbye. They're not supposed to be in your life. It's more than just, oh, they don't treat me right or, oh, they're not really answering my texts and I don't know if they like me and I'm confused in the relationship. It's not just about that. Look at the bigger picture when you're on your deathbed. Do you want to remember your life as someone who just jumped from relationship to relationship

and toxic pattern and toxic cycle and was so attached to people that didn't see your worth? Or do you want to be remembered for your fucking mission and legacy and what you were put on this earth to accomplish? Let me repeat that because it's the most important part of this episode. Do you want to be remembered as someone who was clingy and needy and holding on to past relationships and patterns and was always consumed by the energy of a relationship and a man and someone who couldn't respect you and treat you right or do you want to be remembered for your legacy and what you were put on this

earth to create and be the superstar that you are. You're a superstar. If you have people in your life that are taking you away from that, taking you away from how special and important you are, you got to leave and not just for the sake of, oh, you deserve better. You have a purpose here.

You have a mission here that you're not fulfilling right now because you are so consumed by the idea of someone not wanting you the same way you want them. Yep, that's the truth. And it's something that I've had to face myself because my whole life was that. My whole life was catering to relationships and thinking about my partner. And there's beauty and there's lessons learned with every person I've dated, yes. And I wouldn't take back a thing because as I said,

I wouldn't be here right now talking about it. But I've reached a new point now in my life, in my 30s, where I'm like, no more of that. There's no more wasting my energy or how special I am or investing my superstar energy into people who cannot see how special and important I am. What's the point? What would the point be? How would that be serving me and my future self? It wouldn't. So there's no point in even entertaining

it. And that's how I detach. It all ties back to this is the art of detachment. It's knowing why you're here, what your purpose is, and looking at the bigger picture versus the smaller details like, oh, I really like him and he doesn't like me. Okay, when you're 85 years old, is that really gonna matter? When you're 90 years old and you're literally like, as I said, nearing the end of life, is this gonna matter?

Is that gonna matter? Life is really, really fucking precious and time is precious and your energy is very valuable And where you're putting your energy and your time really really matters And i've said it on like every episode because I want to drill it in your head That it matters so much and if you're not focused on your mission and you're focused on a man You have to reverse it. You have to get rid of this concept of focusing on the wrong shit. Bottom line. And I'm here to help you do that. And it kind of also bleeds into another experience I had recently where I went on a couple dates with this guy that I've known since the summer here in London and

It was fine I have nothing bad to say really about the situation I was in and he was nice and whatever but It almost felt like just something was off right and you can't really put your finger on it I'm like, I don't know just the connection wasn't it's not really what I want it to be. And I know that when I meet the love of my life, I'm going to know it's going to be a godsent connection. And I'm going to be really 100% in it and sure. And I know the other person is just going to understand me on a very deep level. So you kind of just know when you're dating and it's not going to work. And nothing bad to say about this person, but I just, there were certain things

that I didn't find were super compatible. And I was like, all right, well, I'm just not gonna continue. I was gonna say something else, but I'm like, no, that's really the end of the sentence. I'm not going to continue because it's just straying me away from all the time and energy I could be putting into my brand and my podcast and everything I'm doing right now. Yes, he's nice.

Could I occupy my time if I'm bored and go hang out with him and get coffee with him and go to dinner with him? Yes, technically I could use some hours of my day and invest in this person. I could. But when you have a mission, tying this back to detachment and really knowing where to put your energy and time. When you have that purpose and that calling and you're like, wait, I can be doing this instead, I could be working on my new business, I could be pursuing my

dreams, whatever it is that you want to do in life, and putting energy towards building that empire instead of a man that I know is probably not my husband. It's so much easier to detach and just focus on yourself because you have something else. You need something else to replace what you're focused on in order to move forward.

I think detachment comes with having a replacement for something else and it's not someone else, it's not replacing that person with someone else, it's replacing that person with your passion and your calling. That's gonna help you detach. Much better than jumping into another situationship or jumping into another partner or whatever.

That will happen. That will come naturally. Something my dad always says, petition for my dad to be on the podcast ASAP 2025, something my dad always says is, when you focus on yourself and your work, that person will come naturally and you're going to know. And I kind of knew this already, but when he says it, it like reiterates it to me, like it, it ingrains it in me because parents know best with certain

things. I think my dad every day because he knew about my ex, he knew about the ex before, he knows everything for some weird reason. He just, it's like a dad thing, I think. And he always said to me, when you focus on your work, which is my mission, that person will come because then you'll be ready for it because you'll be so yourself, you'll be stepping into such a high version of yourself because you're so focused on yourself and your purpose,

that you're naturally going to attract the right person for you. But who have you attracted in the past? Think about it. And what state were you in? I know that I was always looking subconsciously, not like desperately, not in a desperate way, but I was always fantasizing about meeting the one. And I never really put all of my energy, like 100% of my energy into me. Never. Because it was always like, onto the next one, onto the next one. Okay, we broke up. Where's the next guy? We broke up, where's the next guy, instead of being like, no, we broke up, that's it.

I have a mission now, I have a purpose now, and I'm gonna fulfill it, and I'm gonna fulfill my fucking destiny and what I'm put here on this earth to do, because I don't wanna die with regret. And the right person will come along and enhance that and help me build my destiny. And we can work together and be a team. But in the meantime, this is all that matters right now.

No more dating apps and scrolling and being desperate. I mean, obviously you could meet the one on an app. I'm not talking badly about dating apps because I know a lot of people meet their person that way, but the whole point is not to put all of your energy into it, invest so much energy into it. Invest so much energy into it. Invest so much mental space into it. Invest mental space into your mission,

into creativity, into art, into having fun, for yourself, for you. And then you radiate such golden light and such happy energy because you're so focused and harnessed in your own power, you will naturally draw in people that are right for you. Whether it be friendships, colleagues, whatever, a new work environment, or a romantic partner, you will draw in the right people

when you are so harnessed in your own power. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. If you haven't already, be sure to check out my masterclasses, the Mind, Body, Soul, Reset and Dare to Detach. Both of those are the most amazing combination to uplevel and reset and transform your entire life in 2025. We have an amazing community in both of these masterclasses and taking them combined will

help you reach new heights and new levels in the new year guaranteed. These master classes I created so you could become the best fucking version of you and also tying it into the art of detachment dare to detach is the most popular masterclass of the two right now because I know a lot of you are trying to detach from your exes detach from toxic cycles and this masterclass was designed to do exactly that in just four days. You will be transformed, detached, and a brand new person. You will be on a totally different timeline and living in an entirely different reality after taking Dare to Detach.

And when you combine it with the Mind-Body-Soul Reset, which is all about your physical glow-up, your mental glow-up, your spiritual glow-up, you will be so unrecognizable. If you are interested in joining the master classes, you could visit the link in the show notes or go to my Instagram at dateyourselfinstead or at daretodetach. All of the links are there.

If you have any questions, you could always send me a DM or email daretodetach.gmail.com as well. Also be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and follow it on Spotify. It really means the world to me. It does help the show grow. Share it on your stories. Share it with a friend if you're loving the episodes as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you as always for being here. I hope this episode resonated. I hope it was helpful. I love you and stay tuned for next Monday.