Date Yourself Instead - How to fall in love with YOURSELF in 2024

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Fall in love with YOURSELF and your own life in 2024. Let me ask you a serious question. Would you want to date yourself? Would you want to get to know YOU? In today's episode, I cover the ways you can learn to love yourself deeply and like never before into the new year. I hope you enjoy! As always, feel free to message me on instagram @lyss and @dateyourselfinstead if you're loving the podcast. JOIN THE DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS DOORS OPEN AGAIN SOON. If the doors are not open, be sure to join the waitlist so you can snag a spot next time it's available!

You deserve so much greatness in your life. You deserve to be treated with the utmost love and respect at all times. You deserve to feel good. When you wake up every day, you deserve to feel excited, empowered, confident, and like the best fucking version of you. And that is why I created the Dare to Detach Masterclass. If you're tired of constantly holding on to people that are toxic, if you're feeling stuck and discouraged because you know that you're meant for so Much more and your higher self is calling for a massive upgrade

The dare to detach masterclass is for you It is time to become a new more empowered more confident fearless unstoppable version of you I am so excited for everyone who's already joined the masterclass. Our community is fucking incredible. We're all up leveling together. We're all healing together. We have an amazing private group chat where we all share our stories, and we can relate to each other on so many levels. It is just so empowering and so rewarding to be surrounded by

good people that understand what you're going through. The Dare to Detach masterclass is designed to not only allow you to let go and set yourself free, but it's also a community that we've built together and we're growing together and healing together. You get four days of videos instructed by me, detailed workshops that focus on rewiring your subconscious mind, reading materials, writing exercises, amazing meditations that I do myself. So many people ask me what meditations you do and all the meditations that I do on a So many people ask me what meditations do you do and all the meditations that I do on a regular basis are part of the program. And there are so much more content that's going to help you upgrade your entire

life and heal in the most incredible ways. The private group chat, as I mentioned, is literally my favorite part of it all. We're all in there rooting for each other and helping each other grow and heal. And it is so amazing. One of my favorite reviews from the class recently, this course changed my life. I was crying two weeks ago over a guy who gave me the bare minimum and now on my way to Mexico on a solo trip, and I took myself to dinner last night. I'm so thankful for you in this course.

Another review from the class. I retook this class again just because it was that good, and I swear I've manifested so many things in the last few days. My situation ship just asked me on a proper date and I got a brand deal for way more money than expected. It is all good vibes in the Daredeachach masterclass and I am so so proud of all of you for being here and joining. Remember to use the code selflove for $20 off the course at checkout. If you're listening to the podcast this code is exclusively for the Date Yourself Instead podcast listeners.

Use code selflove for a discount. I love you so much. I'm so excited for you to join us. And now let's dive into today's episode. Let me ask you a serious question. Would you want to date yourself? I want you to visualize yourself for a second from an outsider's point of view. Okay? So you're an entirely different person watching yourself, looking at yourself. I want you to literally close your eyes for a second and visualize you having a conversation with you. You're sitting down across from yourself at dinner and having a genuine deep heart to heart conversation with you and getting to know you and really deep diving.

Okay. You could picture yourself as your higher self looking at your current self. That's what I like to do. And asking questions like this, are you happy? Are you proud of the person you're becoming? How's your relationship with your family? How's your relationship with other people in general? Are you still holding on to resentment from the past? Are you still holding on to resentment from the past?

Are you still holding on to anything from the past that you know isn't good for you? What are your truest passions, and are you called to pursue them? Do you possess the qualities that you would expect from a significant other? I know some of these questions are a little bit intense, but you have to get real with yourself.

The first step of really loving yourself and falling in love with yourself deeply is to be fully fucking honest with who you are and peeling back the layers of who you are and getting to the core of who you are. I also talk about this in my Dare to Detach Masterclass. You will attract a perfect partner when you are your own perfect partner, when you learn how to show up for yourself in the most beautiful ways, and you could wake up every day and say,

you know what, I'm really fulfilled with or without someone. That's when you end up meeting your soulmate. If you have fears around meeting the perfect person, it's usually because a part of you thinks you need to be fulfilled externally by someone else. Or if you're constantly seeking things outside of yourself to distract yourself, right? Or you're constantly seeking things outside of yourself to distract yourself, right? Or you're constantly

just doing things to occupy your brain to distract yourself. You have to be honest and get real with yourself for a minute and say, am I distracting myself constantly because I'm not happy? That's a common thing. That's something that I dealt with for a very long time is unpacking the reasons of why I did the things that I was doing. When I was going out binge drinking in college and doing certain things like hooking up with random people that I didn't even like and then they would end up not speaking to me again and I'd feel horrible about it. Like why was I doing those things? It was to seek something external outside of myself

because I was deeply insecure. I felt wounded. I felt like I needed attention and validation from men. And that was a huge part of my character at the time. I truly fundamentally had this excitement from the validation of men. And that was something that I battled with in my late 20s healing, like dealing with

that and healing it. And that's where the whole date yourself instead brand basically came from is years of trauma of me like trying to externally validate myself through other people in hopes that I would feel good about myself if I got into a relationship, if I got into another situation ship, if guys were texting me all the time and telling me how Amazing I was and how attractive I was etc. You get the point It feels good to be wanted in the moment Of course you get that dopamine rush of oh someone wants me someone thinks I'm attractive, but in reality

That's not really a genuine way to get self-love And that's not a genuine way of loving yourself because if you're dependent on the external sources, when you're alone, who do you turn to? How are you gonna feel ultimately? I remember I always ended up feeling like shit in the long term. In the short term, it might felt good to get that instant gratification from people,

but I knew in my late 20s, I really needed to get real with myself in order to develop a new sense of self-love. And I had never done the work and I had never even known what that was about or what that meant. So on today's episode, I'm really gonna dive into how to fall in love

with yourself deeply and the steps I took to heal and to heal those parts of myself where I thought I needed someone else to fulfill me. When you fully learn how to love yourself, it won't matter if you're alone, if you're in a relationship, if you're casually seeing someone, it won't matter the circumstances outside of you or your relationship status, it won't matter because at the end of the day, you can still come home and have this unwavering peace in your heart knowing that you love yourself the most.

And that's something I've had to learn, especially being single over the last two years, basically, now. I was just so used to being in a relationship with someone at all times that I was getting all of my love and validation from outside of myself. And when you don't do that anymore and when you actually develop a really good sense of self-worth and love and respect for yourself, you won't tolerate bullshit.

You won't even want to get yourself involved with people that like are bread crumbing you, that aren't seeing your value. You're not gonna want any of that anymore. You'd rather be alone. You'd choose to be alone over bullshit because it's just a waste of time and a waste of energy. And you could spend all of your precious energy

into loving yourself so deeply that you could wake up every day with a waste of energy. And you could spend all of your precious energy into loving yourself so deeply that you could wake up every day with a sense of peace, with a sense of feeling grounded, being in your own frame, being in your own body. I watched a lot of YouTube videos back in the day when I was going through a bad breakup of this guy, Aaron Daughey, I think that's how you say it. And I've literally messaged him before

because I was like, I love your content. I love what you're about. You got me through my breakup like he did. He has so many videos on detachment, on letting go. And one thing he talks about is being in your own frame and being in your own body. And that's something that's stuck with me. And it's a term that I love because you physically feel it when you are so grounded in who you are and you are so solidified in who you are and you know your value and you know how amazing you are and what you have to offer people. You're not just going to let anyone into your life. You're not just going to tolerate shitty situationships. You're not going to allow someone to dictate how you feel about yourself anymore. If someone doesn't text you back,

if someone's not giving the same energy, it doesn't even bother you anymore because you're like, okay, bye, whatever. There will be someone that will give me that energy. So it's not gonna affect you in the same ways that it may be affecting you now if you truly develop the sense of self-worth and self-love. So how do you really fall in love with yourself

and show up as the greatest partner to yourself that you'll ever have? It comes with a lot of forgiveness. It comes with a lot of self-compassion and it comes with a lot of self-acceptance. It comes with knowing that you're not perfect and nobody else is perfect and no relationship is perfect. And in order to really heal and love yourself deeply, you have to let go of any negative thought patterns that may prevent you from truly loving who you are.

Even if you've made mistakes in the past, even if you've fucked up in a relationship, even if you've tolerated people that treated you really badly and you went through emotional abuse, physical abuse, anything it is in a relationship, the first step is truly forgiving yourself. Forgiving yourself is going to unlock a new timeline for you where you're able to truly let go and step into your power and to truly love yourself. Also, the whole first section of my masterclass, not to keep plugging it, but it's true and this is why I created it and it's why I love it so much and I'm so passionate about talking about it. I love it so much and I'm so passionate about talking about it. The whole concept of self-forgiveness and self-love, that's like what the whole first part of the masterclass is really fixated on.

And to give you a, I'm basically giving you guys a free preview right now on this episode, but one of the modules in the beginning talks about the power of forgiveness. And there's different meditations and there's different exercises around it. And it's about unpacking this whole concept of truly knowing how to heal parts of yourself that you don't like. Everything in your life is a mirror. And when we don't like parts of ourself, that's going to be reflected in our external reality. And it often comes in the form of other people in our life reflecting it back to us. Essentially

what this means is if we're not healing certain parts of ourself and we're unforgiving towards ourself and we're dealing with all these negative things internally, we can ultimately end up attracting partners that reflect these unhealed pieces of who we are. And it could lead to toxic relationships. It could lead to a partner that doesn't value you because you're not valuing yourself.

It could lead to being with a partner that doesn't love you because you don't love yourself, et cetera, because everything is a mirror. So if you don't respect yourself, you may end up attracting a partner that also doesn't respect you. And the reason I created my course, Dare to Detach, is to help you forgive yourself and up level to the highest degree of self love. And I just want to talk about this again, because it's something I know that works. And it's something that I created

so you could forgive yourself and heal an up level and truly love yourself as deeply as fucking possible. And remember, you could use the code self-love for $20 off if you end up getting the course. And I think the course is just a great supplement into today's episode. And this episode is the type of episode that you're gonna want to replay again and

again to really instill these practices into your life that I'm about to get into. I'm going to get into more detailed ways to practice self-love now. Okay. So, number one, learning how to say no to things that don't deserve you. Learning how to say no to people that don't deserve you. Setting clear boundaries. I speak about this also in the big ways to level the F-UP episode. Go listen to that if you haven't after this.

But boundaries are everything. It's going to control so much of what happens around you. You need to learn how to say no to people and things that aren't making you truly happy. A perfect example. This guy recently just tried to crawl back into my life after years. They always come back, remember that? But really, I'm not even fucking kidding.

I was like, okay, really? I haven't spoken to you in years and no. But something about his energy made me feel anxious and I was like, holy shit, I don't miss this feeling of being on edge this is just not for me and. I literally envision this golden orb around me protecting me from people things and situations that are not serving my growth I just cut it off immediately I'm like no. You're not allowed in my healed vortex. I've worked so hard to build on my character. I've worked so hard to heal and do the inner work, and I'm not going to allow you to come and crawl

and weasel your way back into my life. That's just not happening. And when you feel unsafe around someone or situation, when you feel on edge and anxious, when you feel physically nauseous, because your body will have chemical reactions to people that aren't good for you and I've mentioned this also in episodes where I've gotten physically sick from toxic relationships

you just know when something's good for you and when something's not and I highly recommend practicing boundaries you really have to be intentional about it and boundaries. You really have to be intentional about it and understand what you're okay with and what you're not and sticking to it. Even if it's hard, even if you're tempted to go back to a situation and be like, oh, maybe they've changed, blah, blah, blah. Maybe they're not as bad as it seems. No. Okay. You know when something's not good for you. You just don't want to face it and admit it and you've got to get real with yourself because that is practicing true self-love.

Number two, start making time for things that you really, really care about and you're passionate about and what you truly love. What do you love? What makes you happy? What is your dream? In five years from now, 10 years from now, who do you want to be? Work towards that, okay? Make your passions a priority. For example, some of my passions, I'll just list them off. I love to sing, I love to write, I love manifesting, I love working and creating podcast episodes, I love fantasizing about my future. I know that sounds weird, but I will literally go to the water by my apartment and stare into the water

and fantasize. It's part of my manifestation process, it works, I love it, it's like a passion of mine, but I'm passionate about manifesting and that's okay. I'm passionate about spirituality. Those are the things that make me happy. Did I know it was going to be my career? Two years ago, fuck no, I had no idea, but I went towards my passion. I moved towards my passion.

For those of you who have been following me for years before the podcast, you would know that I was a travel blogger before I did this. I was a travel content creator, and I never showcased my personality online. I never talked anywhere publicly. Like, I wasn't... I didn't have a voice. And seemingly enough, although it looked like I was doing really well, I was really not happy or fulfilled with my career. I think it was fun in moments and I'm so grateful, not complaining. I loved what I was doing at the time, but there was something definitely missing for

me and it got to the point where 2020 hit and the world shut down, I couldn't travel anymore and it was assigned for me to pivot. Then I was lost for a few years because I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but it was an opportunity to act on new passions. And that's why I always say sometimes like crazy things that happen to you are really the biggest blessings in disguise and the universe is always divinely guiding you into something greater because at the time,

I didn't know I was gonna have a podcast. I didn't know I was gonna be doing what I'm doing now. I knew I was passionate about talking and giving advice and helping people and spirituality. I knew I loved doing those things, but no one even knew that side of me. I was like, how the fuck am I gonna pull this off? How am I going to make this a part of my life? And it could seem impossible when you're at the beginning stages of something and you're like, I can't pursue my passion of music. I can't pursue my passion of writing and becoming an author. I can't be a podcaster.

What the fuck? Everyone's a podcaster now. And self-doubt will plague you and self-doubt will make you question everything and make you feel like something's impossible when in reality, it's just your thoughts and you have to get real with yourself and be like, okay, am I gonna be happy doing what I'm doing right now for

the next 10 years? Or is it worth the risk of diving into something new and testing the waters and see if I could actually pull this shit off? And it might take time. Everything is about patience and really committing to the process, but it's fucking worth it. It took me almost three years to get to where I am now with the podcast and monetizing it and the brand itself. I started posting dating content in 2020, but I didn't know I was going to have a podcast until 2021 and I didn't put it into motion until 2022. Everything is a journey and everything takes time and you just have to be patient with yourself, but when you move towards your passions, it's a form of self-love.

It really is. And I love myself more than I ever have now because I listen to that inner voice pushing me to do bigger things with my life instead of staying stuck in basically doing nothing. I was stuck in a depression for years and I had no idea what the fuck I was going to do. And looking back, I'm like, thank God I listened to that inner voice and I loved myself enough to honor my passions and what I wanted to do. So just waking up and asking yourself what's going to make me happy today. Ask yourself meaningful questions. When you get up in the morning, don't scroll on your phone and look at everyone else's

lives and what they're posting and what club they went to last night. Literally, wake up and meditate or journal or make yourself a cup of coffee and read a self-help book or something that's going to fuel your brain with positivity or listen to my podcast, whatever you want to do and just be like, oh, what's going to make me happy today? What's going to be good for my brain and my mental health? Number three, let go of toxic relationships and people that are bringing you down in general, because when you do this, you are creating space for the new, you're creating space for healthier relationships, you're creating space to be happier in general.

You're creating a brand new timeline for yourself by letting go of people who bring you down. And it's so important. This is probably the most important one. People will have the ability to bring you down if they're not supposed to be in your life and they're just negative. I can't be around super pessimistic, dark, crazy people. And that's a valid statement.

There are people in your life that could be super toxic and pessimistic and tell you, you can't do this, your dreams are impossible, you're not worthy, you're not deserving, or people that won't commit to you that make you feel unworthy of love. And it's up to you to cut them out. It's imperative that you do so as soon as possible, because that could be holding you back from loving yourself and from truly committing to the process of respecting yourself and honoring your worth and knowing who you are and I could not reiterate this enough.

It's a form of self love to cut out people who don't have the ability to love you the way you love them. Number four is talking to yourself in a loving way, create an inner dialogue with love and respect. Affirmations really help with this. Saying things in the morning, I wake up every day and I write a list of affirmations, new affirmations all the time. I am worthy. I am deserving of a soulmate type of love. I am with the love of my life, even if it's not true in the moment. Saying these things is conditioning your brain to get there. And affirmations are so powerful. It's also part of my Dare to Detach program. I think affirmations have changed. The game for me have changed my reality

and just helping your brain rewire in that way is essential into loving yourself more. Number five, having a really good sleep schedule and a workout routine. Treating your body with physical care is also crucial to not only your mental health, but also just it is a form of self-love. I feel like when I run, I'm releasing a lot of emotions and toxins in the body and I try to take really good care of my physical health for that

reason because it helps build your confidence, it helps you feel good, it releases endorphins, and It helps build your confidence. It helps you feel good. It releases endorphins and it cultivates even more self-love for yourself. It really does and I feel like working out and having a routine and then getting enough sleep has made me feel good physically, which in turn helps my mental health and It helps me love myself more Also, when you build in the gym or you build a routine for yourself, you're also building yourself esteem and you're building more love for yourself internally.

I just really feel that way. And not everyone might agree with that. Not everyone might feel the same way, but for me, I know how good I feel when I actually commit to a routine. The next thing is, which is also really important, is to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what everyone else is doing. This comes with scrolling and in the world of social media, it's so easy to get consumed

with other people's lives and what they're up to and what they're doing and their accomplishments and achievements. It can make you feel like shit. Also if you see people that you, from your perspective, are more attractive than you, it can make you feel like garbage if you're not in a place where you really love yourself. And I've been there so many times where I get really insecure, and if I'm scrolling too much, it really gets to my head.

So cut your screen time, first of all. Make sure you're limiting your screen time if you're trying to focus on a new self-love journey and you're constantly consumed with other people's content. It's really healthy to stay off your phone as much as you can and to not scroll. And the other thing is just stop comparing your journey to everyone else's. This is your life. Comparing yourself to someone else's life is not going to get you anywhere.

It's literally not going to help your progress in any way, shape, or form. And it's not going to be good for your mental health and it's not going to get you anywhere. It's literally not going to help your progress in any way, shape, or form. And it's not going to be good for your mental health and it's not going to be good for cultivating self love and self care. It's just not it. And I feel like whenever I've compared myself to other people, it drains me and then it makes me unmotivated and I'm like, oh, fuck.

I don't feel good about my journey or my progress. And people also have asked me, oh, you're in your 30s now. Are you feeling that pressure that everyone's married and has kids around you and you haven't, you're not married yet? And I'm like, no. I literally have no desire to rush or force something that's not on my timeline. Why would I try to force something that's not a part of my life path? I would want it to happen at the right timing.

I'm not going to force myself to get married to someone I don't love. I'm not going to force myself to be with someone that I can't see myself having children with. What's the fucking point of that? I'd rather stop putting that pressure on myself and trust that what's meant to be will be and I will find the perfect person and it'll be long lasting and I'll actually be happy. I'm not going to compare myself to someone else's timeline

just because what makes sense for one person is not gonna make sense for me and that's okay. So just being aware of that and understanding that your life is yours and to focus in words and focus all your special and precious energy on making your life the best it can be is the key. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode.

Thanks so much for listening to the podcast as always. If you haven't been sure to rate it on Apple and Spotify, it would mean the world to me. Be sure to check out the program Dare to Detach. You can find it on Instagram at Dare to Detach or in the show notes. Remember to use the code selflove for a discount if you decide to join us. Thanks as always again. I love you so much. I love you endlessly and I'm wishing you so much self love in the new year.

Have an amazing day and stay tuned for next Monday.