Date Yourself Instead - How to surrender in a hard time - miracles will happen when you let go

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

When I first got to Bali, I felt really isolated and I had a few really difficult days that broke me down. I was unsure if I made the right decision to come here in the first place and give up the life I had built for myself in New York. When I sat down on the beach and surrendered my emotions to God, the world literally opened up and my experience here immediately shifted for the better in so many ways. In this episode, I cover the divine importance of letting go and surrendering in order to find peace and solutions in your life. Miracles will happen when you let go. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS MIND BODY SOUL RESET - reset your mind, body soul and have your breakup glow up NOW. JOIN MY MASTERCLASS DARE TO DETACH - detach from your toxic ex in days and move on in your power DOORS ARE NOW OPEN :) Instagram @lyss @dateyourselfinstead

So on today's episode I wanted to talk to you guys about the power of surrendering and what it means to truly let go and let God and trust the process and understand that sometimes when we are faced with intense challenges it is just there to teach us something more about ourself and our character and where we need to heal and where we need to work on. I didn't realize how much healing I actually needed until I got to Bali. There's a very special energetic force at play on this island. I don't know what it is but everyone talks about it. When you land here there's a specific energy that brings up a lot. If you are willing to dig deep and you are willing to work

on yourself and grow and heal and you come here with that intention, Bali will show you where you need to heal and it will show you the things you need to work on about yourself. And yesterday was one of those moments where I was sitting on the beach after such a long day of trying to figure out how to fix my video files for my course because I was like, oh my God, I need to get this out, I don't know what to do.

And it was extremely stressful. I ended up going to the beach and surrendering. I was like, you know what? I need to take the rest of the day off of my phone and to clear my head and to reset, mind, body, soul reset, because I can't put myself through mental torture. I can't allow myself to get to a point where I'm going a spiral and ruin the rest of my trip here because of one small moment and one bad moment that may have happened to teach me something.

But at that time I didn't see what it was teaching me because when you're stressed out, your brain is only thinking about this one issue or this one problem and you tend to fixate and focus on it, but you're not allowing yourself and giving yourself the space to look at things objectively. So I went to the beach, it was around 6 p.m. during sunset, and I was watching everyone around me, I was people watching, I really loved to people watch and just take in my surroundings, but this was a very defining moment for me last night because I had just had one of the hardest days

mentally that I've had in a very long time. Something shifted in my brain and something clicked in my brain suddenly. After a full day of stress and tears and anxiety, I was staring at the ocean and it came to me. This inner voice said to me, look at what's around you right now. Take a look in the present moment. Stop thinking about the future. Stop worrying about the future moments. Stop worrying about your past for a second.

Take in the present moment. Look at where you are right now. Look at how grateful you should be. Look at what I've given you, the ocean, the birds, these happy people around you, the family in front of you with their two children, smiling and laughing and playing. Just look at the bigger picture for a second. Take in your surroundings and be appreciative.

Nothing is that deep. Nothing should get to you so deeply to the point where you can't enjoy the present moment. Even when things feel impossible or hard or difficult or stressful and you feel like you're at rock bottom, there is always something to be grateful for. There is always something to look at and observe and appreciate in the moment. So in that moment, I realized the power of surrendering and just looking into the present moment and realizing that no matter what happens and no matter how bad things seem or stressful things seem there is always something to be appreciative and

grateful for in real time. You just have to look for it. It's hard to look for it when you're struggling mentally but it's there. As I was sitting on the beach and having this come to Jesus moment, I guess you could call it, or just coming to my higher self moment, I started to cry. And I didn't expect to cry. And I don't cry in public. And I don't like showing my emotions in public because there were a lot of people around me on this beach, but I just started bawling and I ended up putting my head in my hands and I was crying on the beach, not even caring if anyone saw me. I didn't even care who saw me breaking down in that moment because I just felt like this surrendering feeling of just like let go, just let go.

It doesn't matter who's watching you cry, who gives a shit, okay? This is the present moment and you need to embrace it and accept it and surrender to it and just appreciate where you're at right now, regardless if you're truly happy with where you're at right now, just knowing how grateful you should be that you're alive and you're on this beach right now is all you need to know. So I

was just bawling when I came to this when I came to this realization and I usually would go on my phone and be answering emails or answering people's texts or DMs but in this moment I turned my phone off I put my phone in my bag and I just sat there with my head in my hands crying and in my moment I turned my phone off, I put my phone in my bag, and I just sat there with my head and my hands crying. And in my head I literally said, I'm fully surrendering now. I am fully surrendering in this moment right now. I give up. I give up my stress. I give up my fears and my doubts and my worries. I'm just going to be and let everything go. Let go and let God. And

in that moment I hear a voice say hello and I was like oh my god and it snapped me out of my emotions for a second but I kept my head in my hand so I was literally like this with my coffee. Let me put my coffee down. So I'm sitting on the beach like this with my head in my hands and I hear a voice say hello, a man's voice, and I'm like oh no this is gonna be some weird creepy old man that's trying to bother me right now and I'm like, oh no, this is gonna be some weird, creepy old man that's trying to bother me right now and I do not have the headspace for this. I do not have the energy or the time for anyone to bother me or come near me right now, especially

because I was literally sobbing and I just didn't want to have a conversation when I was, when my emotions were running that high. And he wouldn't go away. Like he said hello three times. And then I just feel him sit down next to me. I just felt his body and his energy sit down next to me. And it was actually really grounding, peaceful energy. So I took my head out of my hands and I was literally like this.

Hello. Hello. Hi. And I start wiping my tears away and I'm like looking like a hot mess. And this man with the kindest eyes and the kindest smile was just like, how are you? What's going on? Where are you from?

How are you feeling? How are you doing? He was just asking me the sweetest most genuine questions and you could just tell that this person was just a really nice guy and he had a really peaceful energy and I found out that he was actually a breathwork facilitator and he had just come from Thailand and it was his second day in Bali and he was looking to meet people. It was just one of those moments where I realized that

not only can a simple conversation and the simple kindness from a complete stranger fully shift your brain chemistry and snap you out of a bad moment or a hard moment, but also that nothing is a coincidence. And the second I had fully surrendered and told myself I'm letting go now, something beautiful happened. And I allowed space for this person to come in and sit down next to me and talk to me about life and talk to me about the meaning of life

and what it truly means to live. This man was a really kind soul and he really wanted to listen to what I had to say and he was asking me really meaningful questions about life and I ended up telling him about my past and what I went through this year about my narcissistic abusive relationship and how it really had affected me mentally and how I just packed everything up from my New York life and came to Bali to really work on myself

and learn more about myself and master the art of truly getting to know myself better. And he was just really receptive and open and warm and that energy completely shifted me out of any bad emotions I was feeling, any fears or doubts or worries that I was feeling in that moment dissipated. And what that taught me was the power of human connection and the power of spreading love and kindness and just

asking a simple question to a stranger who you see is struggling in a moment, are you okay? What can I do to make you feel at ease? Is there anything you're willing to talk about or share? And something really beautiful he asked me when he had sat down next to me was, can I distract you for a minute? And the choice of that wording was so significant to me because that's exactly what he did. He distracted me from any fears or doubts or any bad emotions that I was facing or feeling in that moment. He was able to pull me out of that

and help me shift into an entirely new version of me. It was literally God sent. An angel had him sit next to me and coach me through what I was dealing with yesterday. Sometimes when I'm doing my work and I'm recording episodes and I'm showing up for my podcast, I'm always tapping into my higher self when I'm recording. I feel something being channeled through me and I'm channeling messages and I'm relaying important advice and everything I know to you guys.

But there are moments when I'm off camera, when I'm not recording, when I'm not on the podcast relaying these messages, I struggle with isolation. I think that's the biggest thing for me is doing my work and completing my mission but feeling very isolated and in order for me to keep going and doing what I'm doing, I have to get better at human connection and building real life physical connections with people. Even when I'm working, I prioritize my work a lot over hanging out with people or seeing my friends

or seeing my family and having conversations because I'm so focused on my mission and completing what I need to do on this earth. But something that I really learned last night was you can't do this life alone. Life isn't meant to be alone. Dating yourself instead does not mean you literally isolate yourself and cut the world off just to focus on you. You still need human connection. It doesn't have to be a romantic partner, but just to have a simple conversation, even with a stranger

once a day, can completely shift everything. And that's something that I really took away from last night as well, because without that conversation, I don't think I would have been able to show up today and record. And I'm not saying that in any dramatic way. I'm just speaking from my truth and knowing that all it takes is one little moment to cause a domino effect, to make you better, to make changes in your life, to fully transform. Sometimes all it takes is one person or one conversation or one defining moment that will change the course of your entire life. And that was a very divine conversation and very defining moment

for me last night. After that conversation, I asked him, and I was like, did you approach me because I was crying and you saw me crying? And he said, I didn't even know you were crying. I approached you because I sensed that you were just someone I should approach. And that was it. So he had gotten a divine message and a push to come over to me, and he didn't even know that I needed that conversation. But it was a divine connection that brought us together in that moment.

And it was a message that I took and received from God himself saying, connect with people more. Make an effort to connect with others more. I'm going to bring you out of your isolation and I'm going to bring you out of this period of being alone and dating yourself because dating yourself doesn't mean isolation. Liss, dating yourself can also be a balance. You can also get to know people, not in a romantic way, but just have a conversation. Go up to a stranger and tell them you like their outfit.

Go up to a stranger and tell them how pretty they are. Go up to a stranger and ask them what they're doing in Bali or what their story is or anything in real life that's tangible, that's going to give you that sense of physical connection, it will make the world of a difference of how you show up. It will make the world of a difference in how you wake up the next day. Even though it seems so small and subtle and not like a big deal or a big detail,

it was a life-changing moment for me last night. It all taught me the power of truly surrendering and letting yourself let go and just trust that everything is happening to teach you something. Everything is happening to strengthen you and build your character and teach you more about life and give you life's lessons. You can't go through life alone. You can't go through life alone. You can't go through life by yourself. You need human connection. Human connection is what drives us to keep going.

Human connection and being around people, loving someone else, loving another, spreading love and kindness to other people, hugging other people, being close and intimate with others. It's all a part of life and human connection and genuine love for another is so important. And this doesn't have to be romantic as I said, it could be a platonic love or just sending peace and light to a stranger or just asking someone a simple question, are you okay?

How are you feeling? Can literally change the course of someone's life. You don't know what people are going through. You have no idea. The person next to you with the biggest smile on their face may be fighting one of the hardest battles and you would have no idea. I think a lot of people also assume because I have this brand and this podcast and I'm doing a lot with my work and showing up every day and recording episodes, people perceive me as this strong, independent, confident, I don't give a fuck woman. And there is a side to me like that. A hundred percent, no doubt. There are moments where I feel unstoppable and I'm a warrior and I'm like, I've got this, I'm independent,

I don't need no man, you get it. But there's another side of me that just wants to be vulnerable and loved and cared for and provided for and I want that human intimacy and that connection and I think I've struggled with accepting that side of me because it's very vulnerable. And when I express it publicly, I don't want to seem like I'm weak. If I have a moment and I'm crying, I don't want people to see that I'm crying.

But why is that? After that moment last night, I'm realizing that crying is a sign of strength. Releasing your emotions and being vulnerable and open with your emotions for the world to see is a superpower in itself. Because you're not afraid to show who you really are. You're not afraid to show your authenticity and your truth. You're not afraid to show all sides of you. When you're truly facing yourself and showing every single part of yourself and you're not just showing bits and pieces and all of the highlights and the high moments of your life, you show a new form of strength because you're

being so vulnerable. And I think also growing up, I was taught that crying in front of women was not safe because I grew up in a household that was not very emotional. My parents are not very openly emotional. And that's okay. They were always doing the best they could and I love my parents and I have a beautiful relationship with them. But they're not the most open and vulnerable people.

And I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this. It's also a generational thing, of course. You know, you're taught and conditioned to be a certain way at certain eras of your life in certain eras. And now I think it's more normalized to be open with your emotions. But back then, it wasn't as normalized. So for me, this experience has just awakened my higher self in an entirely different way. I have such a different perspective.

I have such a different perspective now on human emotion and what it means to truly open myself and surrender. Surrender to myself, to the world and open my heart more and be a more open-hearted person and being confident in being open-hearted and not being closed off and guarded and saying you know I don't need a man, I'm independent, I'm confident, I'm this on that. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to surrender to your emotions and let go and let God. Oh, the beauty, the beauty of Bali, the beauty of Bali and being here is that I came here to master myself so I could help others heal on an even deeper level. I know why I'm here now. I was kind of freaking out as to why I came here and my purpose and my mission and like why I was

put here and I felt like I was exiled out of my city in New York to be here and I didn't know why, but now I know why. I'm here to master myself so I can show up in the world better and help others master themselves because I want you to learn how to embrace every side of you and be open and vulnerable and embrace your power and know that it's okay to be both strong and have emotions. It's okay to be both confident and also vulnerable. Those can go hand in hand, those can go together. The duality of both and having both and being confident and showing up in your work and being driven

and smart and passionate and also having a side where you're soft and open and vulnerable, that is such a powerful, beautiful combination. And in full transparency with the mind, body, soul reset masterclass that I've been promoting on the podcast and I'm so excited to release it. And I know that the intentions behind it are to help people heal and reset. But at the same time, last night was one of those moments where it put me in check. And it made me realize that if I'm going to promote resetting the mind body soul, I have to live by my word.

I have to speak my truth and live out what I'm preaching. So in order to do that, I need to heal at deeper layers before I release a masterclass that talks about healing at deeper layers. So part of my mission right now is to work on myself even more so I could show up better and live by my word and create a class for everyone else that is going to be coming from a place of truth, genuine truth. I just want what I'm putting out in the world to be coming from a place of genuine truth at all times,

regardless of what it is, regardless of what I'm creating. Masterclass, a book, a song, anything, a podcast episode, I know that it needs to come from a place of sincerity and truth, because that's the only way it's going to truly feel good for me and also resonate the best for you. Another thing that I learned from last night's experience of surrendering and just going through a hard moment and then coming out even stronger by the next day is that anything can change at any time.

At any moment, anything can change and shift at any time. The second I truly surrendered my energy and my emotions and I was no longer afraid to break down, I was built back up literally overnight. I left that beach feeling like a different person and it only took one conversation and one person to completely shift my mood around and change everything in my reality. Suddenly the sky was brighter, the sunset colors were brighter, everything around me felt like more shiny and new and sparkly. I sat down on

that beach feeling like there was a dark cloud over my head and I left that beach less than an hour later feeling like the world was butterflies and rainbows. That's how quickly things can shift and change. If you surrender and you truly just sit back and relax and trust the process in the moment and appreciate the present moment, that's what it means to truly surrender. I don't think I really understood

the concept of truly surrendering until last night. And yes, I've talked about it before and letting go and detaching and setting yourself free. But that moment to me, just having that person approach me in a moment of true emotional turmoil was truly life changing and life altering. After that conversation, I decided to go into a bar just to use the bathroom. And I was approached by two beautiful women that follow Date Yourself instead,

and they know about me from TikTok, and we were just having a conversation. And it was another moment where I realized that if I hadn't had that conversation with that man, if he hadn't helped me out of my mental state, I wouldn't have ever gone into that bar and met those people. And then in a domino effect, I took my time walking along the beach, I was processing everything, and I was just really soaking in the moment. And I was like, I wouldn't have met those two people if I hadn't

gone through what I had just gone through and had that conversation which led to a conversation with those girls which uplifted my spirits even more. When you start to feel good and everything starts to shift because you're surrendering and kicking back it's a domino effect. Everything will start to change around you and shift accordingly. It becomes a domino effect. So after I left the beach, I decided to take myself to dinner

and I was feeling actually emotional in a good way because I was like, wow, everything can change in an instant. Everything can change so rapidly and fast if you just trust in the moment and embrace the current moment and stop getting so in your head about stress and fear and whatever it is you're worrying about. And if you give yourself that space to be open, things change very fast. So I ended up taking

myself to dinner and then after dinner I took a little walk and I was thinking in my head I really could use a tea right now to make me tired because I was wide awake and I wanted to go back and go to sleep so I was like where can I get a chamomile tea and just go to bed. Literally next to me on my right there's a tea house but it was kind of hidden and I'm like this is such a random place but let me just go, see if it's open. It was the secret tea house that I've never seen before that just appeared. Now I often hear these stories and I've heard this from Joe Dispenza and you know that I love him. I always talk about him on the podcast, but he always says once you start to shift your reality internally, you'll start to notice things and things will just appear and show up out of

nowhere because you are literally transforming and you are sending out new signals to the universe that are going to bring you new experiences and nothing is random and nothing is by chance or coincidence. It's all an internal state. I see this tea house in this spot that I've been a million times in Changu and I'm like, this is random and it's also really hidden and like secluded, but I somehow noticed it. I walk in and there's a man sitting at a table and I just, for some reason, I'm usually not like this, but I had a surge of intuitive energy pass through me and say, speak to him, start a conversation.

I end up asking him why he's in Bali, what he's doing here. He lives here. He's from Turkey. I was like, oh, I was just in Turkey in January. And I sat down at the table with him. I end up meeting all of his friends. We have a very long conversation about life, about healing, about changing, about transformation, all of these people were open to discussing all of the things I talk about on a daily basis and it was just so beautiful to have more human

connection. So after having one conversation with a man on the beach, it went from that to walking into a teahouse and having a conversation with six other people that were open to talking about spiritual growth and mental health and self-awareness. And it was just such a beautiful night and it meant so much for me, even though those people, they were complete strangers. They had no idea what I had just gone through that day,

but it was just so eye-opening to me to see how quickly things could change if you just allow yourself to be open to it. If you allow yourself to be open to new possibilities and new experiences and you act on your intuition and you act on those intuitive feelings. Like that intuitive moment for me to say, okay, I want a tea. Where can I get a tea? Then I just happened to find this secret place, happened to meet these people, and have this beautiful conversation about life. Nothing is by chance, nothing is a coincidence,

and it just really solidified the entire experience for me. It was one of these days for the rest of my life I will never forget. And maybe to those people, those complete strangers that made up my entire experience, maybe they'll forget about it. Maybe it was insignificant to them. But for me, it was such a life changing day and every single little experience brought

me to this moment that I'm talking about right now. And it was all for good reason. It was all worth it. I know that I went through that experience and that day yesterday to relay these messages to you. These are life lessons that I'll never forget and I'll carry with me for a lifetime. The power of surrendering, the power of truly letting yourself be vulnerable, the power of opening yourself. The power of truly letting yourself be vulnerable. The power of opening yourself up to new experiences. The power of not being afraid to show your emotions to the world. It's just such a beautiful thing.

Another thing I really took from it was the world can break your spirit. The world can break your spirit but it's up to you to build it back up again and surrender so you can have that space to know what to do next and know what steps you should be taking next. My spirit was broken, especially after leaving New York and going through a four-year relationship with someone who I had so many memories with there, who had falsely loved me and conned me

into believing that he was the one and he was my soulmate. And I went through such an emotional, abusive rollercoaster with that person to come from a relationship like that and to be on a beach by myself and to have that mental breakdown. It was just one of those moments where I knew that I was put on that beach for a reason because that was the defining moment of the start of something new. It was a rebirth. And it was so crazy to me also because the man that had sat down next to me, as I mentioned, he was a breathwork facilitator,

and he literally said to me, I focus on rebirthing and it's about breathwork that makes you go deeper and it makes you think deeper and process things deeper and it's like an enhanced version of breathwork. And I don't even think he knew this and I don't think he'll ever know this unless he finds my podcast and somehow listens to this episode.

But I was reborn in that conversation without even doing the breathwork. I felt a new sense of self in that moment without the breath work. It was just his presence and his energy and that one conversation that caused the rebirth. It was the start of something new. I felt it in that moment.

It was the biggest energy shift I felt in a really long time. Bali is one of those magical places that really will make you face yourself. It could be such a beautiful, empowering thing and transformative thing and healing thing. And I'm so grateful that I'm here so I can transform and then hopefully show up better in my podcast and in my life and in my day-to-day life, even with my friends and family, and show up in a way that is more authentic and more real and more healed. The other thing I took from this experience is that the answers are within you. The answers are always within you.

Even if you're really struggling and you're trying to find a solution to a problem. For me, it was accessing my files on my computer and my computer breaking down, and I was panicking and spiraling about my work. I didn't realize that the answers were really right in front of me the entire time. The answer was in sitting back and relaxing and stop stressing over what you cannot control. Sometimes you just have to trust that things are going to work out if you just let go and you stop panicking and stop living in fear mode. When I surrendered my issues and my problems and I was like I cannot find a solution to this, I've asked multiple different people for help. I've gone to three different

places with different internet to try to figure out what to do. My computer is literally spazzing and I don't know how to fix it and there's no apple store in Bali. It was just this whole moment of like panic and scrambling all day. But when I went to the beach and after I had that conversation and after I did some inner reflecting and realizing that it's not the end of the world, everything is going to work out. I'm going to be fine. I just have to relax. I got home that night really late at night and I had this idea randomly pop into my mind where I was like, oh, maybe I should just try this one last thing to see if it works and see if I could figure this out. And I was coming from a place of genuine ease. I get to my computer. I rested the charger on a water bottle and I like fixed it in a certain way that the outlet would be positioned in a certain way. It's hard to explain verbally,

but I just basically position my charger in a new way. All of a sudden, my computer started charging. And on top of that, my files started uploading. Now, after the entire day of bending over backwards and forcing things and panicking and having a mental breakdown over my work and over getting these files uploaded properly. After I just forgot about the issue and started to heal myself and heal my inner state, and I sat back and surrendered, back and surrendered after the conversation with that man on the beach, after going to that tea place and meeting a new group of people and taking my attention and focus off of the major problem that I was facing, everything worked out by itself. I found a solution because I surrendered. I found the

solution in a very quick and easy moment when I got home and suddenly all of my anxiety dissipated and went away. When I came from a place of genuine ease and not panic and I wasn't stressed about finding a solution, that's when the answer came. The answer was within me all along. No one helped me figure it out. I figured it out on my own when I relaxed, when I trusted, when I had faith that everything would be okay. When you truly have faith

that everything is going to work out, you will find the solution. It is within you. The last thing I learned, which is probably one of the most important takeaways, is that there are still really kind, amazing, good-hearted, well-intentioned human beings in this world. There's a lot of chaos distractions, a lot of toxicity, a lot of toxic dating culture being promoted online. There's a

lot of things being promoted on social media nowadays that can really get in your subconscious and in your head about there are no good people left in the world, there are terrible men and no good men left, and there's no, you know, good relationship, there's no hope for good relationships, and everyone's getting divorced, and there's just so many different narratives that are being thrown at us nowadays. And yesterday was one of those moments where I was like, actually there are really just good, amazing, kind people in this world, too. And if you focus on that and you believe that that's what's going to show up in your reality.

And having that conversation just made me realize that there are really good people in this world that want to make a difference and that care about other people with no agenda. And I may never see that person again, but he changed something in that moment for me, indefinitely. And I'll forever be so grateful for that. And I'll be so appreciative of that moment for the rest of my life and of him for the rest of my life. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you, I am so grateful for you for always listening and showing up each week and being here with me to listen to my stories. I appreciate you, I love you so much, and

stay tuned for next Monday.