Date Yourself Instead - If they wanted to, THEY WOULD.

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

If they wanted to, they would...? Or maybe they just can't. Maybe they don't have the capacity to love you the way you love them. Let's dive into this topic together.

On today's episode, I wanted to talk about this concept of someone making things clear when they fucking want you. Someone making things clear when they actually want to be with you and they actually want to commit to you and get to know you better, you will know someone likes you. And I know I've said this on many episodes, but it's true. You will know if someone has feelings for you, cares about you, wants to see you, wants to spend time with you, because they're going to make that clear and obvious. Now, obviously, in the beginning of a dating situation, people can get nervous, people have nerves, people have anxiety, people might be a little

shy and standoffish, because I know I get that way when I start to crush on someone, when I start to really like someone and care for them, sometimes I become a little avoidant because I'm nervous. And that's normal. The first few dates, understandable. However, if you've been talking to someone for several months, two several years and they still have not made any signs of commitment, if they still have not made any signs of wanting to see you on a consistent basis, if they're still being flaky, if they don't respond to your texts for days at a time, if they choose other plans over your plans 24-7, if they're still being flaky, if they don't respond to your text for days at a time, if they choose other plans over your plans 24-7, if they blow you off easily with no remorse, there's so many different variations of this. They don't fucking like you. And it's a hard pill

to swallow sometimes because when feelings are involved, when we're attracted to someone, when we know we have a good connection with them. We want to force things because we can't help ourselves. I know I've been there when I find a connection with someone, I'm like, okay, this is going to work somehow. This is going to be the end all for me because I get along with this person. We have a lot in common. I'm super attracted to them emotionally and physically. And I want this to work.

However, you can't force someone to like you. You can't force someone to see your value. You can't force someone to like you, you can't force someone to see your value, you can't force someone to commit to you. And on today's episode, I'm talking about this whole concept of if they really want you, they're going to show it, they're going to make it clear, and there's going to be no questions asked. So we've all heard of this concept, right? If he wanted to, he would. It's a very cliche, a very over-talked about concept. I think it started on TikTok a couple of years ago, and now it's like this common catchphrase that everyone says. If he wanted to, he would. Now, a lot of people

have also messaged me on Instagram, and they're like, do you actually agree with this concept? Do you believe that if they wanted to, they would? Or do you think, you know, it's an overused, thrown out messy term that can drive you crazy. Listen, to each their own, you can interpret things however you want, you can assign meaning to whatever you want, and I'm not going to be the one to tell you not to, but I do believe there's a little bit of wiggle room here when it comes to if he wanted to he would Because some people don't have the capacity to be there for you Some people just don't have the emotional ability and capacity to actually show up for you in the way that you need them to

Even if they really want to deep down even if someone really cares about even when they want to, some people just can't. Some people just can't have that capacity. Some people just don't have that capacity. And it's not necessarily their fault because you're two different people with two different timelines, two different lives and two different journeys in life. And sometimes you just can't meet on the same page for whatever reason.

And it doesn't mean that they didn't want to, right? So that term in itself is a little vague and it can be interpreted in a million different ways. However, I truly believe that some people just don't have the capacity. And I guess at the end of the day, regardless if they wanted to, if they would, whatever it is, if someone just can't show up for you, they can't show up for you. And it doesn't matter the reasoning behind it.

It doesn't matter the reasoning why, necessarily. It doesn't matter, you know, all the little minute details around it. Because if they wanted to be with you and it was supposed to happen and it was meant to be, and you truly believe that everything happens for a reason, then it doesn't really matter the reasoning behind why things aren't working out. It's just, they're not. And that's it. So, let's start with the basics such as text messaging. Okay, so texting back, for example, should not necessarily be seen as a grand gesture, but rather as a fundamental expectation. It's a very simple act to reply

to a text message, okay? It's a very simple act to text someone back, to reply to them, to let you know that they're genuinely interested. But if they can't even manage to send you a text back, if they can't even manage to reply to something that you say with any sort of meaningful response, you have to really ask yourself, can they really offer me basic communication if I were to date this person? Can I actually show up for me in the ways that I need them to show up for me?

Isn't this the bare minimum, right? If you're sending out a text message and it takes someone 48 to 72 hours to reply or a week to reply, then what are you doing? You're setting yourself up for a relationship that could lack a lot of communication. Now, this doesn't mean it can't work if you're okay with that dynamic, however,

I don't know who would be okay with not texting someone they truly care about for days on end. Not hearing a response back for 72 hours is not really gonna work for me, especially if I'm trying to get serious with someone, try to get to know them, and they're leaving me on delivered.

One of my friends actually, I was talking to her about this concept and she asked me, she was like, listen, I was seeing the sky for about a month, everything was going really well. And then he stopped texting me for a complete week. Like a full seven days, I did not hear anything from him. And I was the last one to send a message. He pretty much ghosted me after a three-day weekend.

And then he texted me the next Friday asking me to hang out. How do you interpret that? And I said to her, you know, if he wanted to communicate with you throughout that week, he would have. Because you were already dating for a month. He knows who you are. He knows what you're about. He knows your personality. you're getting to know each other and a month is a decent amount of time if you've been hanging out pretty consistently and talking pretty consistently for him to just go ghost for one random week after you spent three days together. That says a lot. For me, I interpreted as he didn't really care enough to craft up any sort of plan or response and he didn't really care to give her any sort of decency to communicate throughout that week.

And it was hard for me to relay that message to her, but at the same time, if someone actually wants to talk to you and, you know, show up for you and hang out with you and spend time with you and get to know you better, out with you and spend time with you and get to know you better. They're not going to disappear for a full seven days. It's about basic communication efforts. These little things that should not be monumental and they're essential, like they are essential when you're building a relationship and you're trying to get to know someone. Small things like communication, sending text messages, checking up on the person, asking how their day is, et cetera.

It shouldn't be this monumental thing like, oh my god, he texted me back. It should just be normal. It should just be a normal part of the dynamic and the dating process. It's actually very simple when you truly care about someone and you want to get to know them better. Think about it. When you send a text message, you're reaching out and you're opening a part of yourself, you want to get to know them better. Think about it. When you send a text message, you're reaching out and you're opening a part of yourself. You want to communicate with someone.

Getting a reply should be the norm. It should be the basic bare minimum standard. It's not supposed to be this grand thing where you're putting someone on a pedestal and giving them a fucking award because they are responsive to you. So why do we often find ourselves celebrating the bare minimum nowadays? You know, a text back, a call, a last minute plan? I just think these are basic curses. These aren't grand romantic gestures, and if someone can't consistently manage these small acts, it really begs the question, what more or less can they offer me? Now when I was in a lot of situations back in the day,

and I was dating casually and doing my thing, there would be days of no responses from people that I was seeing, or there would be flaky plans or weird communication styles, or I would be anxious, kind of wondering what this person was up to when they were being shady about their whereabouts, and it was just always

filled with anxiety and doubt and questioning and I was like I don't know and then I would justify it and kind of make excuses for them and be like oh they're busy They're working whatever and even some of them would come up with these grand excuses send me paragraphs Be like oh, I was working all day. I was busy XYZ Just to keep me in the loop and the cycle of dragging out the situation. When I met my last boyfriend who instantly knew that he wanted to date me, the communication was always consistent. He never disappeared on me for more than, I would say maybe there was like seven, eight hours in between texts where he would be

out with his friends of wouldn't text me early on in the beginning, or we would go a day or two without saying anything early on when we were not even close to being official boyfriend girlfriend or anything like that. But there was no anxiety involved. Even when we weren't in communication, I trusted the situation enough and he made me feel comfortable enough and vice versa

where we weren't worried or concerned about the outcome of the relationship. And that's how you know you're compatible with someone. When you're both on the same page, you're not up each other's ass trying to figure out what the other person's doing, what the other person's up to, what their intentions are, you're just kind of comfortable

and in this like really calm dynamic. The best way to describe it is calm. When I met him and, you know, initially, I was a little skeptical because I was a little bit jaded and whatever, but every time even when the communication stopped, even when we weren't hanging out, I never felt this like sick, weird feeling in my gut where I was like, oh my God, did they like me?

I'm not sure. And I didn't have to pull apart everything they were saying. I wasn't screenshotting conversations with him and sending it to people. I just kind of trusted that it was going to work out. And that was my intuition also guiding me and saying, this is actually something that you should pursue because this person feels

the same about you. And this person actually cares about you and likes you. And it was one of the first times I genuinely experienced that. I had that with my first boyfriend also where he was so clear about the direction of the relationship and how he felt. But in between that, there was so many up and down rollercoaster situations that I was in where I would try so hard

to make shit work all the time. But it goes back to this idea of if they like you, you'll know it'll be crystal clear. If he wanted to, he would, I think there is a validity to that because there's so many people who will make excuses for their bad behaviors and say, you know what?

I had a conference and I was traveling for four days and I wasn't on my phone. Meanwhile, they're posting stories, they're following other girls. You know that they're on their fucking phone. Everyone's on my phone. Meanwhile, they're posting stories, they're following other girls. You know that they're on their fucking phone. Everyone's on their phone. Okay. So to be on delivered for days at a time, I just don't buy it. I don't think it's cool. A day or two may be, maybe in the early stages, you know, when you're getting to know each other and nothing superficial at all, fine. Okay? We all have days where we're busy,

we're getting to know someone, you don't wanna be too obsessive and overbearing and some people won't show all their cards really early on, but I do believe there is a lot of truth to knowing right away if someone actually is interested in you and cares about you. Also it's not about the frequency of text messages all the time, so it could also go the other way around too.

There's been instances where I've dated people who have been overly talkative and texting me nonstop where I'm like, okay, do you have any other plans today or are you just sitting on your phone texting a bunch of women? And there has to be some sort of balance. I feel like there has to be a healthy balance between being clear, communicative, and showing genuine interest in someone and also having your own life. So there was a guy once that would blow up my phone text me non-fucking stop. And it was almost suspicious that way too, where I was like, okay, instead of not texting me at all, you're texting me way too, where I was like, okay, instead of not

texting me at all, you're texting me way too fucking much. And now I think there's something wrong here because why do you have so much free time to be sending me literally? I swear to you, it was like paragraphs and paragraphs about their life and their journey and what they're doing, what they ate for lunch and what they're doing for dinner and their plans and their mom and their sister and just so much overwhelming information so early on is also, I think, just a huge indicator that something is fucking off, okay? So there needs to be a healthy balance. That being said, I do believe that when you find that healthy balance,

you'll just know. You'll know when it's the right person, you'll feel good about it. And I could tell you that from the few experiences that I've had when I had that healthy dynamic, you will just fucking know. You won't be questioning a million things in your brain. You won't be overly guarded. You won't be swearing off men. You won't be screenshotting their texts and asking your friends, what do I say next? What do you think they meant? Do you think they like me? Do you think they care about me? Because that anxiety and those fears are going to slowly dissipate when you realize that that person can be trusted and that they actually genuinely care about you. In the age of text messages and digital communication in general, where a text or DM can literally

be sent in a matter of seconds, it's also important to recognize and observe the fact that, okay, they might be communicating with you and they might like you, but you have to see if they're actually also intentional about it, right? So are their texts super delayed all the time? Are they short? Do they have any substance or meaning?

If someone's just like saying, zup to you or come over at 1am, you have your answer right there, how they feel about you, okay? They're barely texting you when they do text you. It's out of convenience for them to see if you're there, to see if you're still accessible. And you just have to be wary of that as well, because just because someone likes your story, just because someone comments on your Instagram posts and likes your posts, watches your story or applies to a message, it doesn't mean shit. Okay, you have to see where their intentions are coming from with the messages that they're

sending as well and just be cognizant of that as you're navigating this whole dating scene. And let's bear in mind as it's amazing to receive attention and that validation from a text message and from a DM from a guy that you really like, just be mindful of the quality and the intention behind each message. You just have to understand if this person's actually making a genuine effort and getting to know you asking you meaningful questions, asking you about your life, showing a genuine fucking interest in the details, the small details, and remembering things that you say, and engaging in the conversation. the small details and remembering things that you say and

engaging in the conversation. I know so many people who take a high what's up how are you today as like the biggest deal in the world. It's literally laughable. I'm like, that is so basic. I can text my mom that. I can text my cousin that. I can ask anyone that fucking question, hey, what's up? How are you today? It's so simple to send a text message, and we make it like this huge thing. If a guy we're seeing says something like that to us. And that's literally the bar is so low. If you think that's impressive, or you think that means anything to him,

I was actually talking to my ex about this several weeks ago because, okay, so my ex had listed in the army, and I didn't know if I was gonna talking to my ex about this several weeks ago because, okay, so my ex had listed in the army and I didn't know if I was going to speak about this on the podcast, but here we go because it ties into today's episode very well. He set the bar so fucking high, you have no idea. Inlisted in the military, he's on the battlefield, face timing me, calling me, texting me, keeping me updated on his whereabouts because I was

really worried about him. I was genuinely very concerned about what he was doing because it was not safe at the time. Now everything's fine, but I was worried. You know, I still care about him. He was a huge part of my life. I love him. And we hadn't been in communication for a very long time, but then we reopened the conversation

because a lot of shit has happened and it was just, you know, it was one of those situations where I needed to make sure it was okay. So we're talking texting, he's calling me, FaceTiming me, updating me on his life and making sure that I'm okay. How is your day? How are you feeling? What did you eat for breakfast? He'll just ask me these questions, right?

And I'm like, okay, if my ex-boyfriend is texting and calling me from the fucking battlefield, okay? From the military, in war, and there's people out there making excuses for guys who are laying in bed doing shit and still don't make time to text them back, or guys who say they're busy working, quote unquote, working, or you know, I was out with the boys. You're making excuses for someone who can actually answer you, they're just choosing intentionally not to. The standard for me now is that so high, I'm like, okay,

this man was texting me from the battlefield, texting me in times of war and still making a conscious effort to make sure that I'm okay and I'm doing well, right? So when a guy now says to me, oh, I was busy, you know, doing X, Y, and Z, I couldn't respond to you all week. He'll never hear from me again, just because I know my worth, I know my value, and I know that it's a load of bullshit. that it's a load of bullshit. So just keep that in mind when you are talking to someone and they're slow to reply for days and then they make some lame ass excuse as to why they couldn't get back to you

because it's not that they're a bad person, it's not that they're doing anything wrong but you're not the priority. So you just have to keep that in mind. If you're okay with that and you're okay with not being their priority and you're okay with a dynamic, fine. But just be aware of what I'm saying. That's all, that's all I could tell you.

And the reason I'm bringing up this whole story about my ex is that despite the chaos going on in his life, despite the danger going on in his life and the stress going on, he still found ways the danger going on in his life and the stress going on, he still found ways to reach out to me and contact me. We're talking about a situation where every moment is uncertain and he still made the effort to send text to check in to share his thoughts, to ask about my day and mind you, we're not officially dating, we're not together. He doesn't owe me shit. I don't owe him anything.

But it just spoke volumes to me because I was like, this is a great reminder of the type of treatment I deserve from anyone else that walks into my life. You're setting the bar very high. It was a very eye-opening to me, especially because there was a recent situation prior to me talking to my ex again, where this guy was telling me he was busy all the fucking time and couldn't answer me for days at a time and was like, oh, you know, I was out doing this, I was out doing that, I was drinking blah, blah, blah and I'm like, dude, if you wanted to, you would, but you just don't. And I'd rather you tell me that and say, you're not my main priority in my life

and whatever, then string me along and come up with all these lame-ass excuses, because I just think it's an excuse. If someone truly cares, they're going to find a way to show it. It's not about grand gestures, it's about consistent acts of thoughtfulness. It's about making a little bit of space for someone in your life that you genuinely have interest in. Despite the issues that might be going on in your life,

despite the problems, you're still going to have time to make space for the people you truly care about the most. You're not going to let your soul mate slip through a cracks. Unless, okay, there's like a very specific situations where I could say maybe if the timing's just really bad because you're going through something really, really traumatic or crazy in your life and you need time to heal. Fine, but you're still going to communicate and be clear with that person like, hey, I'm not ready right now, but I still want you in my life and I still love you and care about you. No one's going to let their fucking soulmate

slip through the cracks, especially not a man. And I'll give you another great example of something that happened fairly recently. I met this guy a really long time ago. I actually barely remembered meeting him, but I met him in passing at a friend's party and he sent me a message recently, mentioning something that I had brought up to him at that party months ago, okay? This guy remembered a detail about a conversation

we had six months ago. And I didn't even remember the conversation. I didn't even remember what I told him, but it was something about my tattoos. And I was like, wait, this guy actually remembered the details of what I told him. And when he messaged me about it, I was like, holy shit. And I got a flashback to the conversation we had. And I'm like, oh my God, that was so intentional, that was so thoughtful. The fact that you have such a good memory and actually remembered a moment in time that we had for maybe five minutes. It was like such a quick conversation and passing.

But the fact that you remembered those details, that's how you know a man cares about you. When he remembers the small details, when you tell him something and you don't even remember that you told him and he brings it up to you where you're like, holy shit, like you actually remembered that about me or you tell him about something you really like and he makes an effort to make that a part of your life. For example, if you're like, I love, you know, playing back at men. Okay. I don't know who would say that, but I mean back at men's fun. But like something so fucking random, I was just trying to think is something really random.

And you're like, oh, I love backgammon, right? And then he goes out of his way a month or so later, if you're still talking to him. And you know, takes you to a place where you can play backgammon and drink some wine and have fun and play board games. Okay, just the small little things that show that he's listening and paying attention and that he actually has a genuine interest in your hobbies and that things you're passionate about. That's a very good indicator that someone has genuine interest in you, cares about your feelings and also just wants to do things for you, wants to show up for you and make you feel good. So bottom line is, when that whole thing happened where this guy had brought up something about

my tattoos that I had told him, I was impressed. That really caught my attention. I don't know if I would have answered the message right away, but because he had mentioned something that I had told him in passing so long ago, I was like, okay, this person actually pays attention. This person actually has some sort of interest in the things that I'm saying, which is such a green flag to me. And once again ties back into this idea of, if they like you, you'll know, because they're

going to show a genuine fucking interest in even the small things that you bring up. That being said, you deserve someone who regardless of their circumstances will still find a way to show you that you matter, that they care, and that they're truly interested in being a part of your life in your world. The right person, I mean, at least from my perspective and how I envision my future soulmate, is someone who wants to eagerly be a part of my world because why the fuck not? You deserve someone that wants to enter your world and show up for you and make it better.

They're gonna make your life better. They're not gonna make it more stressful and filled with anxiety and worry and stress and fear. And you're not gonna be in fight or flight mode begging for your fucking last breath because you don't know where you stand with them. You're gonna be better. You're gonna be more empowered. You're gonna wanna show up for yourself more every day because they love you the same way you love yourself.

And obviously, relationship is a two-way street and I think you also need to be a good partner to the person that you're with. So you also have to, you know, do the inner work to show up for the person that is gonna show up for you. But just keep all these things in mind. You deserve someone who wants to be a part of your world

and makes that very clear. Now, let's talk about red flags. I have a few episodes on this as well, but it's always a good reminder to bring up. And, you know, this whole concept of if they like you, it'll be clear. What are some red flags to look out for? How do you know if it's clear,

how do you know where you stand with someone? What are the signs, et cetera? What are the signs to look out for that are not so great? You get the point. The biggest red flag I will say is inconsistency, inconsistency. And I don't know how many times I can reiterate this, because

a lot of us grew up with inconsistent households and inconsistent parent dynamics, myself included, and when you are used to emotional inconsistency as a child, it can bleed into your relationships for the rest of your life, and it could become a normal thing for you where you think it's safe and normal. Like, you're like, oh, okay, you know, this is what it is. This is how it's supposed to be. And I'm speaking from experience where I've normalized in consistency

and I'm like, oh, this makes me actually feel good because you get off on this high of, oh, when they do text you and show up for you and they are consistent, you have this like euphoric rush. But then when they're not consistent, you feel like depressed and you wanna jump off a bridge. And it's the highs and lows that get very addicting and it becomes a very toxic cycle if you're not, you know, taking charge and being like, okay, fuck this, this isn't healthy. You can end up in a vicious cycle for years and you could also just keep attracting the same type

of dynamic your whole life and experience these highs and lows indefinitely if you don't address it. But I will say, you know, inconsistency is something you really have to look out for, especially early on. Because of someone's being inconsistent with you, that's a huge indicator that they're seeing other people, you know, they're not genuinely interested and their brain is just some other things and you might be an option for them and they might like you to an extent. But if it's been going on for months, I'm not talking about within the first week or two. I'm talking about months. Be aware of this, okay, because 9 times out of ten, these situations don't change. The hot and cold behavior is very confusing, it's very toxic, and it's often a sign of someone who's not fully committed or unsure.

And if someone's unsure about you, what are you doing? Why are you settling for someone who's unsure when there could be someone out there and there probably is someone out there that would be super consistent with you and give you absolutely everything. Now I was talking to one of my best friends about this because as much as I love consistency, I grew up in a very inconsistent environment and it definitely affected me to the point where I still love that euphoric rush of someone texting me after they haven't for a while. And it's like that dopamine hit where you're like, oh my God, they finally said something

or they finally replied, x, y, z, you get the point. And it's fucked up. And I was venting out to my friend about this because I was in a situation where someone had been very inconsistent and I was continuing it. And in this cycle of self sabotage and she was like, it's just because

it was normalized and familiar to you growing up, but you have to understand that that's never gonna get you anywhere. Yes, okay, it's a temporary high, but then what? Is this person your husband? Is this person someone you could see yourself actually with? Would you be married to someone who just disappears for days at a time?

Imagine you have a family and they're just like, acting like this? And I was like, no, you're 100% right and I cut it off. And I had to cut it off for multiple reasons but that was a huge, huge, huge factor in it, the inconsistency factor. I would never wanna have children with someone who can't show up for me and only shows up

when they feel like it. That's just a no-brainer for me. And once you actually envision your future and you start putting the long-term visions in front of the short-term highs, that's when everything shifts and changes. And I want you guys to also keep this in mind. This isn't about demanding constant attention

and being super high maintenance or setting unrealistic standards for people. This isn't about, you know, swearing off all men and saying, if you don't do my list of 100 things and have every single quality that I need, you're cut off, it's just about having mutual respect, boundaries, consideration, and making an effort towards the relationship. It's about moving towards something together. It's about building something healthy and stable with someone. In a relationship, both parties should feel valued and prioritized. It is a two-way street. So just be aware of all of these things, okay? You really do deserve someone who shows

up for you. In the same way you show up for them, because if you're looking for true love and you're looking for something long-lasting, In consistency is not going to cut it. Okay, someone who flakes on you is not going to cut it. It's not going to cut it. Someone who cannot commit to you seriously, or if you label something they freak out, or if you ask, you know, what are we, they freak out, that's not going to cut it. I'll give you another recent example

of an if he wanted to, he would situation. I was speaking to someone pretty briefly about dating, like possibly going on a date. And I was like, I'm trusting the universe with this one. I'm not putting in any substantial effort here. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. I'm going to show interest and it's up to them to kind of close it and say, listen, let's go out.

Let me get your number, et cetera. So I kind of just took the back seat. And I was like, I'm gonna show a little bit of interest and they could do what they want with it. And if they ask me out, if they plan something, then great. Then they obviously have some sort of interest. And then I could assess, I'm not gonna force something. I'm not gonna make it so I make it. So I'm like,

desperately trying to hang out with them. I'm just gonna see what happens and let them take the lead. But I gave them a little hint. And this person followed up with me three times because I took a step back and I was like, I'm gonna let them kind of court me because I need to see if you're the real deal. I need to see if you're gonna show up for me in the way if you're gonna show up for me and the way I need you to show up for me. And it starts from day one,

even if I don't know you that well, even if I've never met you before, this is how I'm rolling because I have no time to waste and I wanna respect my batteries. And it's a little bit of a test, but it's also just knowing my worth and knowing the type of person I'm looking for. And I took a little step back.

I was like, you know, they'll make plans with me if they want to make plans with me. And what happens? I detached, did my own thing. I got three messages from them in a span of 24 hours asking me for my number, asking me what things I like to do around the city and closing and saying, okay, we're making a plan.

I'm taking you out and that's that. And they were like, I've decided I'm taking you out. I want to show you a good time. I'm like, great, okay, done. I appreciated it. And I appreciated the genuine effort. And fair ease it was to make the plan. I wasn't chasing after someone trying to figure out

if we were going to hang out. I wasn't chasing after someone's energy being like, okay, like, I really want to see this person. I just let them take the lead once I gave a little bit and It worked out. So I might be maybe so I might be going on a date next week. We'll see about that but you know It's just so appreciated and valued when you know someone is showing a genuine interest in you. Now I've had the total opposite situation where I was talking to someone for months

and they could barely make a fucking plan. They could barely show up for me. And making them show up for me was like my fucking job it felt like because I was like, are we hanging out, are we not? I don't really get like what you're doing in your free time because if you're texting me all day, if you're saying that you like me,

if you're saying you're attracted to me, but you're not making a fucking plan what's going on. And I had to confront them about them, like what's the deal, what's happening? It was just always so unclear and vague and weird and this desperate energy where I was like trying to hang out with someone that just wasn't closing, wasn't like, okay, this is what we're doing, this is the plan. But in the beginning, he was like that. So back to this whole concept of if he wanted to, he would,

it's very applicable because you have that in you. I knew he had it in him to do it, but he just didn't want to. And it's just about being aware of these situations and understanding that if someone really likes you enough, they're going to put in the effort to make that clear and make that known. And especially early on, if they're not even doing that early on, just cut it. Just cut it. I, you have no time to waste, okay? Your life is too precious to be chasing people down, trying to decipher shit on their end. There will be people who will make it very clear and known and obvious, and I can guarantee you that.

And that's what you deserve. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode. I hope that was helpful. I hope that was inspirational. As always, be sure to read the podcast on Apple and Spotify if you haven't, be sure to follow on Spotify and subscribe on Apple. Always feel free to send me a DM on Instagram, at lists or on the podcast account, at date yourself instead. I post updates on there. And if you haven't already, be sure to check out my master

class, Dare to Detach. We have an amazing community of over 700 people in there already. And it's just such an amazing way to detach, change your life, step up your life, upgrade and up level for 2024. I would love to see you there. I love you. Thank you as always for being here. And stay tuned for next Monday. and stay tuned for next Monday.