Date Yourself Instead - If you can't match my energy, BYEEE (masculine vs. feminine energy)

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

If I'm dating you, you better bring the same vibes and energy to the f*cking table. If you don't reply to me for days, it's not the vibe. If you could go 48 hours without a reply...it's a no. Here are some of my dealbreakers, my opinions on matching energy in dating, and alllll the coverage on masculine versus feminine energy. If you enjoyed this episode, dm me @lyss and feel free to share it - it helps the pod grow. I appreciate you xx

and he didn't reply to my text on Saturday. I was just telling my friend what happened. Two days later on Monday, he was like, I confronted him about it and he was like, I'm not gonna reply to you on a Saturday when I'm out. Like so bad, to the point where I'm like, oh my, that's bad. He asked as if I went and asked him to do brain surgery on a Saturday night

Like I was like you can just text me back. It's not He got so defensive he was like well, and he's like and I'll stand by that And I'm like I was like okay, well, I'll stand by and never speak to you again. Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. This episode is going to be a good one. And that's because I recently went through a situation that really fired me up and it inspired the whole topic of today's episode and the title, which is if you aren't matching my energy when we're getting to know each other, when we're dating, when we're in a relationship,

whatever the circumstances are, goodbye. Okay, just leave me alone. I don't want to be bothered if you're not going to reciprocate what I can bring to the table. You should also be able to bring to the table. I will stand by that. And I went through a situation recently where I was really briefly talking to someone who couldn't even text me back the right way without making

some sort of lame ass excuse for why they couldn't respond. And listen, as I said in previous episodes, I get everyone has a life. I get everyone's busy. I get everyone has shit to do. But if you're not going to reply to me for 48 hours, it's just a huge indicator that that's how you feel about me. I really believe that. Now, there's so many different messaging. There's so many different things on TikTok, on Instagram. We see all these different dating advice videos, all over social media that talk about, you know, oh, like, if a guy does this and it means that, or if a woman does this,

it means that, and like, there's so many different things you can technically go by. And you can interpret, shit, however you want to interpret shit. However, this is my life, this is my podcast, and this is how I interpret things. If you're not willing, or if you could go, I guess, 48 hours without replying to me, you don't really care about me that much. And the reason I say that is because I know that when I don't respond to someone for over two days, they are not

a priority in my life. Now, that doesn't mean I don't care about someone like, especially if it's a friend or something work related. It doesn't mean I don't care at all. It just means I'm busy and you're not my priority. And when it comes to dating, I want to be someone's priority. Now, that doesn't mean I have to be their only priority, but I just want to know that they have an urgency to speak to me. And they have an urgency to communicate with me because they like me. And it just makes me feel good and everyone wants to feel fucking good. Okay. Everyone wants to feel wanted and liked and appreciated. To some extent

when you're getting to know someone and I think communication, especially in the early stages of dating is just super important and valuable to me personally. Now, if you are okay with the dynamic that you have going on with a specific someone and they're not really responsive, but you also don't really give a fuck because you're doing your own thing and you're dating other people and you're in the flow of your own life where like you're not prioritizing them at all either, then fine, okay, then you're on the same level. You're matching each other's energy, as I just said. Matching each other's energy is the key here. So the point being, if you're not matching mine, you're done.

And I've had to learn this through experiences. I've had to learn this the hard way when I was giving too much, when I was throwing my energy at people that never deserved it. And I was driving myself insane because I was always like, am I doing something wrong? Am I being cool enough? Am I playing it cool enough? Am I acting chill enough?

Do they think that I want them more than I actually do? Like it was always just this mind fuck where I would constantly be either giving more and that person wasn't reciprocating or it was just confusing overall and the dynamic was confusing overall. And regardless of what it is, it just never felt right. And I posted this TikTok the other day, which went viral. And the TikTok was basically this idea and this concept of matching energy.

And here's what the TikTok said. He's not typing essays in his phone to send to you. He's not crying to his boys. He's not out with his friends complaining about you. He's not trying to figure out what to say or how to apologize. He's not doing any of that, okay? Or you could say they're not doing any of that. I won't make it just about men. It's not always one-sided here. But they are not currently obsessing over how to fix things or make things better with you because if they were number one, you most likely wouldn't even be listening to my podcast in the first place. And number two, you would probably be in contact with them right now, trying to work on things and figure it out. You will know if someone wants to figure things out with you,

okay, because they're going to make that clear to you, because they're going to communicate that to you. And if someone isn't willing to put in the work to make things right with you, to make things feel good for you, then they don't really care. My ex, I know I bring him up a lot on the podcast, but I have to speak for my personal experiences

because that's what I'm here for. My ex, if he knew I was upset about something, if he knew I was sad about something or he felt something was emotionally off and the dynamic was off with our relationship. From day one, I promise you, from the very beginning, he would make sure to fix it and correct it. He would be like, what's wrong?

What's going through your head? How can I help? How can I make things better? I had never experienced that prior to him. So when I went into that new relationship and he was trying to fix things and constantly make things better So we were always on the same page and so that I could feel comfortable and so I could feel good. I was shocked I was like who was this man that was sent from heaven because

I had never experienced someone who cared about me to that degree and now I have Obviously very high standards because I've, I know that people like that exist. But in the past, if something was wrong with someone and, you know, I really cared about them, but maybe they didn't feel the same way, they would make it a point almost like to avoid it and not communicate. Or they would shut down and make me feel even worse, or they would pin it against me and say, oh, you're crazy. You're always complaining about something.

You're always upset about something. It was just always not a good and healthy situation. And I always ended up feeling like I was in the wrong when I tried to express how I feel with someone. But the right person will bring you peace. The right person will bring you clarity and peace and want to make you feel comfortable and good in the situation that you're in with them.

So really be aware of that and really think about that. If you're in a situation with someone where you're not feeling so great, are they showing up for you and trying to fix things and make things better? Are they trying to work you and trying to fix things and make things better? Are they trying to work towards your relationship together? And if they're not, what are you doing? Why are you the only one investing your energy? Why are you the only one investing

your feelings and your time? That's not how it should be. You deserve so much better. Now I'm going to be referencing a lot of TikTok videos today because I was doing a massive scroll on TikTok over the last couple days, looking at different dating advice videos, looking at all the content, and there's some really great content that I've been watching lately.

So I wanted to, there's some really good content that I've been watching lately, so I wanted to tie it directly into today's episode. I saw this video that really, really hit me hard and it was this man talking, I don't know who he was. I tried to find who it was, but I couldn't. It was on a generic dating advice account.

So there was like a lot of different people on this account. If anyone knows who quoted this, let me know, send me a DM, because I'm not taking credit for it. However, it is such a valuable advice. And this is what this guy was saying on the video. If a man comes into your life and makes things harder and not easier, that is not the man

for you. A man that is useful will lighten the load. He does not add stress, he alleviates it. He does not add confusion, he adds clarity. That man doesn't add emotional insecurity, he provides safety. If this man is coming in your life and taking, but not giving, that is not the right person for you. You cry more in the relationship with him than when you were single. And you think just because you have a man, you're not lonely anymore, but you were actually

most likely doing better on your own until you let him come into your life and fuck up your piece. Is he your piece? Does he provide stability and direction? If he isn't doing that, then what do you need him for? Now, the man that was speaking this video executed this perfectly and it was like a very intense video of him like screaming into a microphone. I hope I could kind of relay it the same way. But honestly, yes, okay, that is the type of energy that you need. Sometimes you need a wake-up call and a snack in the face. The point being if you're stressing and going feral over another person and it's taking away from your life and it's taking away from your life

and it's taking away from your day and it's making you unhappy why are you doing that to yourself? Obviously relationships over time do take work, nothing's perfect a hundred percent of the time, but for the most part, if they're not adding to your happiness and your peace and creating stability for you in your life, it's a no. And it kind of ties back into this whole concept of matching energy.

If you are giving so much and this person is just taking, then what are you doing? Why are you entertaining it? Why are you self sabotaging? If you knew there was this dream person for you out there that you haven't met yet, that would provide for you. That would make you feel safe. That would make you feel comfortable expressing how you feel. That would make you feel so loved, cherished, adored, and worshiped. Would you drop the person you're seeing right now? If the answer is yes, then you should drop them.

Okay, now I'm gonna take a sip of my coffee before I get into the next point. I really, I'm just diving in today. I'm really going all in. I hope this is really hitting. So, one of the best examples I can think of someone really providing and showing up for me and showing me what being a man is truly about is what I just mentioned and referred to before.

One of my exes would immediately always try to find a solution to any problem I had if I was having a mental breakdown because, okay, so for me, when I'm on my period, I'm literally psycho. And I go into the darkest parts of my brain, and I think of really dark shit. And sometimes I go crazy, okay? Maybe, you know, that's not, that maybe that doesn't apply to everyone, but that's just how I am. And there were so many times where it was that time of the month for me, and I was very hormonal and very emotional, and every single time

I was having a mental breakdown, he would ask me what he could do to make my life easier in that moment or how he could help. And if I was just having a shit day or something bad happened with my work or I was having an issue with my anything, okay, anything that you could think of, he was just trying to find the solution. There would be guys in my past, prior to that, that would be like, oh, you're so annoying, you're so dramatic, you're crazy, you're a psychopath, you're always complaining, you're always emotional, and make me feel

so guilty and so bad for having a bad day. But with this particular ex, he was always asking me what he could do to help. How can I make you feel better? How can I make you happy? And that defining difference between someone who's in their masculine energy and wanting to provide and help a woman is so there's just such a drastic contrast between the two of a man who makes you feel like shit for having a bad day versus a man who tries to find a solution to help you feel better. It's just such a key difference.

And once you experience the latter where you're like, oh, this man is actually trying to make me feel better when I'm being a psycho crazy bitch. Once you experience someone like that, you'll never go back to the other. You'll never go back to a situation where a man makes you feel crazy for having emotions. Women are emotional.

We're emotional creatures and we're going to have our moments. So I know for me at least I need someone who's going to want to help and make me feel cared about and loved in my darkest times. Now, transitioning into the whole concept of like feminine energy versus masculine energy. First, I'm gonna kind of explain what masculine energy is and feminine energy is. I pulled this from Google. So masculine energy is associated with assertiveness,

strength, and action-oriented behavior, a lot of logic, analytical thinking, and problem-solving. Musculine energy focuses on achieving goals, accomplishing tasks, and taking initiative. It's also often linked to competitiveness, independence, and leadership. Make sense, right? Okay. So masculine energy also manifests as a driving force to conquer challenges and to find solutions. What I was just saying earlier about one of my exes, finding solutions, it is so fucking attractive when you have an issue or problem

and you go to that man with the problem and he's willing to find a solution and not just like offer basic simple advice and not do anything about it. If he's actually willing to like tangibly physically help you it's such a turn on like when I. Whenever I had something wrong he was trying to figure out for me and. He was trying to figure it out for me and. It's not to say that I couldn't figure it out for myself. I probably could have but to have someone that cared that deeply for me and wanted to make sure that my life was easier. Was the most amazing feeling in the world. So. Now that I've explained that whole masculine energy concept now I'm going to talk about feminine energy.

concept. Now I'm going to talk about feminine energy. Feminine energy is linked with intuition, receiving, and nurturing qualities characterized by empathy, emotional intelligence, and relationship building skills. Focuses on creativity, collaboration, and adaptability to change. Okay, great. Values intuition, feelings, and it puts an emphasis on emotional intelligence, valuing intuition, feelings, and tapping into your inner self, tapping into your higher self, your inner goddess, and really trusting yourself internally. So, feminine energy manifests as nurturing, healing, harmony, bringing harmonious, positive energy to situations. Now there's a vast difference between the two. Masculine energy manifests as a driving force to conquer, to find solutions to achieve

objectives, feminine energy manifests as nurturing, healing, finding solutions maybe but in a healing, different type of way, bringing harmony to solutions. Just the vocabulary there and the different ways of describing those two are very, very different. So, in life, the balance of masculine and feminine energies is essential for living a fulfilling life. And everyone has both. Everyone has masculine energy. Everyone has feminine energy. Now, the reason I'm tying this into today's episode is because I've dated, I hate to say this out loud, but I'm going to fucking say it. I've dated a lot of very feminine men. So I've dated a lot of feminine men, meaning they almost made me feel like I had to be in my masculine in order to date them, meaning I had to pay for everything.

I had to take care of certain things that I didn't necessarily want to take care of. I had to dictate the direction of the relationship. I had to provide and show up in a masculine way to keep the relationship going. I had to be the decision maker. And for me, that was just normalized. I think I was always used to taking control and wanting to be in control. And that was kind of how I thought my personality was. And I thought that's just what I liked. I liked being in full control.

So I would take charge over my relationships. But as I got older, I realized that for me, that was actually really self-destructive, because I was never truly allowing myself to sit back and relax. I was always in fucking overdrive. I was always stressed out. I was always just in my masculine to the point where I started experiencing a lot of hormonal issues. I think this directly ties to PCOS. I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, and I've had it since I'm 14 years old when I entered my first relationship.

And for those of you who aren't familiar with PCOS, it's a hormonal disorder that causes a lot of imbalances in the body and you can have higher testosterone levels. You can lose your hair. You can have cystic acne because of it and gain weight because of it because your body is always an overdrive and you have extra testosterone. For me, I think a lot of it is linked and correlated to always being the man in my relationships because I was always trying to do the most and I was always trying to take charge and take action

and want to get shit done and say, okay, like, I need to control everything in my romantic relationships. And I know that sounds kind of insane. Maybe some of you are like, what the fuck lists? Like, what are you even talking about? But for those of you who can relate, I would love to hear your feedback to this,

in my DMs, if you want to send me a message, if it resonates on some level. Now, as I got older, I realized that I wanted to tap more into my feminine energy because it was causing me so much stress and physical stress to thrive in relationship to be in relationships that made me feel like the man, like what was I doing? Why wasn't I allowed to sit back and enjoy love? Why wasn't I allowed to take a step back and receive? I never allowed anyone to really take care of me.

Obviously, there were moments in my previous relationships where I felt cared for, but I never really allowed myself to truly, truly embody this idea of receiving and being provided for and cared for. I always felt like I had to do the most. So, in my last relationship, my ex was very in his masculine, like super masculine man. Where, for the first time in my life, I felt like I could actually thrive in my feminine. And there were so many instances where I wasn't used to feeling the way that I did with him. It was just all new unfamiliar territory, but he was just

always willing to provide and take charge and help me with things that I used to only want to do for myself. Like I used to only want to help myself and be like, I don't need help, I don't need anyone. And I was almost very stubborn about it because I had conditioned my brain to always be in my masculine. And I was like, oh, I don't need this, I don't need that. But just to have someone who actually wanted to provide for me was super nice and it allowed me to tap more into my feminine energy. Now there was another TikTok I saw from this woman, Chera Seven, who I've also mentioned on the podcast several times.

I think she's really funny and she gives pretty solid advice for the most part. I would say some of her advice is a little bit too much, but I really love some of the things she's said. And she basically made this video talking about men in their feminine energy and what to look out for. And one of the things she said was, if you come up with a damsel in distress story to him, like if you're struggling with something, and they come up with things to do verbally,

but they're not action oriented, so they're not actually physically gonna come to your rescue and help you out. They're not going to offer help. They're just gonna offer information. That's a feminine man. Like, so if you have a problem, and this man's just like,

oh, well, maybe you should do this, but he's not actually action. He's not actually going to take action to help you and offer you the help. He's in his feminine. Now, this made me think of the story of Rapunzel where you're hanging your hair out of a castle. Right? And he's just standing there at the bottom unwilling to climb and rescue you from the tower. That's the equivalent of basically what she was saying or what I think she was trying to imply. If you are a puzzle and you're in a tower and you're trapped, you let your hair down and this man is just like staring up at you being like, oh well, you know, maybe you should do X, Y, and Z,

but he's not willing to climb your hair and rescue you from the tower himself. He's an Aspheminin. You're supposed to be looking for a man that's willing to climb for you. Does that make sense? Another thing she mentioned in this video, if they ask you to buy things for them

and pay for things, especially early on in this video, if they ask you to buy things for them and pay for things, especially early on in the relationship, that's someone that's in their feminine. Now I have mixed feelings on this whole paying thing. I know this could be a little bit of a controversial topic like, oh, like who should pay? You know, the man should always provide. I agree with this to an extent. So I think the first five dates, I have a five date rule for myself.

Now this isn't for everyone, but this is for me. First five dates, the man pays. I think that's a non-negotiable for me. However, if it gets more serious and it's progressing in a way where it's pretty clear that we're going to be dating seriously, that we're exclusive, and he's extremely respectful treating me the right way. And I know that the relationship is headed in the direction of a serious relationship. I will make one offer to pay for something that's minimal, like a coffee or a tea, you know, if we go out, something light, something casual.

That's my personal decision to make. However, this woman is saying you should never pay for anything. And I do agree to an extent if you're in a situation where this guy is kind of just like not taking you seriously, it's not really going anywhere progressive, you're not super close, you know that he might be using you for a hook up like I would not open my wallet and pay. If you feel like you're not really getting the treatment that you deserve. However, if you trust this person, if you've built a bond with them, if you're like you're not really getting the treatment that you deserve.

However, if you trust this person, if you've built a bond with them, if you're emotionally close to them and you feel comfortable paying for something, I don't see it as the biggest deal in the world. But her point is just not really even feeling the need to provide is the sign that you're with someone who is a sign that you're with someone who's, is a sign that you're with someone who's masculine. And yeah, I mean, I just feel like that does make a lot of sense and not everyone's going to agree with this.

However, I feel that feeling financially provided for is a part of being in your feminine, being in your feminine and receiving, being open to receive someone who is willing to provide for you and not having your guard up and saying, oh, I got it. I got it covered. I just think especially in the beginning, it's important to be open to receiving and knowing that you deserve someone that is willing to provide for you. Also, I've seen many good points on this topic, actually, that I do agree with. Your hair, your nails, your makeup, your outfit, everything that you've put together,

especially on the first, second, third day when you're seeing someone new, costs more than the meal that they're paying for, costs more than the coffee that they offered to take you out for. It costs way more. And you're investing a lot, whether you realize it or not, you're often investing a lot to see someone, and you're investing your energy, and your presence is a gift. You have to think of yourself as a gift. Your presence is a gift. And for me, at least I know that it's really important to feel provided for, at least for the first five dates.

And then I'll make a small gesture. And then obviously things shift and change. Now, as I said, not everyone's gonna agree with this, but I do believe that once you're in a serious relationship and you're married, it's more acceptable to offer things financially sometimes. Sometimes I like buying things for my partner. Sometimes I like surprising my partner with things.

There's been times where I've been dating someone I surprise them to a show, and I like do these small gestures that mean a lot to me because I like also giving gifts and I like also knowing that I can contribute. I like that feeling personally. I don't always feel like I need, you know, princess treatment a thousand percent of the time. But that's only if I'm in a serious relationship with someone.

I start giving more once it's at that level. and I know that I can provide a lot once it's at that level, but I'm not going to provide ship for you if you're just some guy that's trying to use me for a casual situation type of thing. You know what I mean? Next topic, I have a story time for you. Recently, tying this into the whole feminine man thing. There was a guy who had asked me why I didn't text him first or call him first. And I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm not here to chase you down. I'm not the man. I'm not here to check in on you when we're not in a relationship.

Now, if we were in a serious relationship, fine, obviously, I'll text you, I'll call you. I will make an effort to fucking communicate with you if I'm in a relationship with you. But we are nothing right now. Why would I be blowing up your phone? Who do you think I am? Even in my last relationship, my ex, as I mentioned, he was very masculine. For three years, we were dating and I swear to you. Almost every single day for those three years,

he would text me first, he would call me first, he would initiate the contact. The second I opened my eyes, I would have a good morning text from him. There was maybe 20 times out of every single day that we were together for those three years that I would initiate the conversation in the morning. And I loved it because I just felt provided for. I was in receiving mode.

I felt like he cared enough to make sure that he was saying the first thing in the morning. And for me, that was a big thing. Like I felt provided for and cared for just from that simple gesture. And he also knew that. He also knew that it made me happy. So that's why he did it. And that's such an attractive thing. When someone knows that some small gesture, like a text in the morning, is going to make you happy and they're consistent with it and they do it because they know that it brings a smile to your face.

That's a masculine thing. And you could be in your feminine because you're receiving something so special and you're like, oh, how sweet, a good morning text. For three years. And he said, like, I know that you like when I text you first. Like I know that that makes you happy. So that's why I do that. And I'm like, that is like so sweet. And that's something that was also new to me because, as I just mentioned, there's so many men that I dated in the past that were like, oh, why don't you initiate contact first? Why don't you make the plans first?

I'm like, what the fuck? Now looking back, I'm like, holy shit. Like that was just a man being in his prime feminine energy and I would feel guilty. They would make me feel bad. So I also brought up this story where several years back there was a guy who was in his 30s and I was in my 20s, okay. So he was significantly older than me, first of all.

And second of all, he was really essentially no one to me like we never were in a relationship. We never had anything serious going but there was a moment where he called me out like sent me this whole essay about how I don't initiate contact first and he's like you never initiate the plans first. You don't do anything first to make it obvious that you're interested in me. And I was like, well, we're not dating, we're not together. So why should I be the one to really initiate the contact? Once in a while I get it, but it was such a new thing. Like we had known each other for maybe a few weeks and he was sending me these paragraphs,

bitching me out for not initiating plans. He was like, I have an office near your apartment and you've never asked me for a cup of coffee. I could technically leave my office and come see you and you never ask me. I'm like, you can fucking ask me. Like, what is this argument we're having? I've known you for three weeks and we're already getting in a fight.

Like, what is this? Anyways, stupid me being naive at the time and not understanding that I was being essentially manipulated and guesslighted, I felt the sense of guilt. And I was like, you know what? Maybe he doesn't realize I'm that interested in him. Maybe I should try a little harder. So I invite him to this event with me. And at first, he was like, yeah, a first he was like, yeah, I'm down.

Thank you so much for thinking of me. And by the time the event happened, he fucking ghosted me. Okay, he literally ghosted me. So the point is, you can't feel guilty for being in receiving mode and also just don't be an idiot like me and believe someone when they say like, oh, like you never initiate contact and if you don't, I don't understand like where your head's at. No, this guy just wanted control over me, okay. Now that was just my personal experience with men like this where they make you feel

guilty for not initiating. It's a very feminine energy quality to have and I didn't realize that at the time. Looking back, I'm like laughing because I'm like holy shit. I was dealing with these boys that weren't men. They were boys. They were making me feel bad about certain things and then pulling the rug out from under me and ghosting me when I actually listened to what they said they wanted. Embarrassing. So you don't need to take action first. That's not your job. If you want to sit back and be in your feminine,

let the man do the work. Stop trying to make plans with him unless you're dating. If you're dating officially, if you're exclusive, if you're in a relationship, then you could start making plans. And even then, I wouldn't say that's your job 100% of the time.

But there's a huge difference between just getting to know someone and, you know, kind of seeing where things go versus being in a serious committed relationship. Actions change based on the two different relationship dynamics. And for me, I am not in charge of making plans, unless I know this person is super serious about me, and it's going in a really positive direction. Now, there has been instances where I've dated guys and I've suggested restaurants to go,

not the first date, not the second date, like maybe the third or fourth, if I really wanted to go somewhere specific, I would bring it up, but at the same time, let them do 99% of the work if you're looking to really be in your feminine. Be open to receiving. Don't feel guilty or bad for making them make the plans. And that's all I have to say on that topic. I was reading this book the other night

and it's called The Sacred Woman. I really like parts of it. There are some parts of the book that I wasn't a huge fan of, but there were some good nuggets to take away from the book. I wouldn't say I highly recommend it only because there's some controversial things in the book that I think might be slightly, I don't know, like there was just some intense things that I read where I was like I don't know if this book would be necessarily for everyone, but there were some good takeaways and one of the takeaways that I read was about being in your feminine and how you can take certain steps to be more in your feminine. And a lot of it comes down to things like meditation and meditative practices, you know, calm your mind, calm your body, balance your energy, balance your chakras, and make you feel really good. And that's why I always mention meditation on the podcast because

I think it has been such an integral part of embracing my feminine side more, and making me feel more at peace and more at ease and more balance, which is super important when you're trying to step more into your feminine energy. Another big thing is just taking care of yourself physically, as far as the small things. I know this sounds maybe a little silly, but just like the simple things like getting your nails done, getting your hair done, doing things that just make you

feel good overall will mentally also make you feel good. I know for me when I dress up, when I wear pink, when I wear red, when I do my makeup a certain way, when I get my nails done, when I get a nice pedicure, I just feel overall better mentally because you have a little more confidence and you want to show yourself off more and you want to take pictures of yourself more and you want to go out more because you're in your flow, you're in your feminine energy more when you take care of yourself physically. And this doesn't mean it's bad to not dress up. And this doesn't mean you can't wear sweatpants

and have your hair and a messy bun and wear no makeup. I do that 95% of the time, but I know when I'm trying to feel more in my feminine, I try to do things that tie into beauty and tie into things that make me feel good. Now, everyone's definition of what makes them feel good is so different. So that's just what makes me feel more feminine. But your definition of that can be completely different. Right? So it's really just about knowing what makes you feel good and feminine and then doing those things Another huge thing for me is

eating really fresh foods and Kind of doing like a detox once in a while just to feel really vibrationally aligned internally because I do believe and it says this in the book, what you eat is reflected on the outside as well. And I think, you know, diet for me has always been a struggle. I used to struggle with eating disorders back when I was much younger. Maybe I'll make an episode about that if anyone's interested, but it's something that I don't really talk about with anyone. I used to But it's something that I don't really talk about with anyone. I used to have a lot of different

disorders around food. And now I'm in a place where I like to nurture my body by providing it with fresh foods and foods that make me feel really vibrationally aligned. And that could be like fresh fruit in the morning, you know, plant-based yogurt. That's usually what I'll have for breakfast. Juices, fresh juices, and gluten-free desserts because I have a gluten sensitivity. Just certain things that I know make me feel good. And for everyone also, food and diet varies, food and diet is different. One diet that I do might not work for thousands of other people. So I never follow necessarily any specific rulebook when it comes to my diet, but I eat things that I know make me feel good. And I stay away from foods that don't make me feel good. Now, I hate really talking about this in depth because I don't want anything to get misinterpreted.

I don't want to say the wrong thing and, you know, have this be any sort of trigger for anyone if you also suffer or have suffered from an eating disorder. I don't want to tell you what to do when it comes to your eating habits. But this book kind of made a point of saying, the healthier you choose to eat, the more vibrationally aligned you'll feel, and I do agree with that. I do feel like there has to be some sort of balance, right? And it can be difficult and it can be challenging to have a balance 100% of the time. You wanna enjoy yourself, especially when I'm away on vacation,

I love going to new restaurants, I love trying new places, and I love sweets, I love dessert, I love chocolate, I love ice cream. I never limit myself, and I never say, oh, you know, you could only eat this on a certain day or you could only do this on a certain day. I'll never restrict myself. However, I do feel my best when I eat healthy and I think that's just something that makes sense. So when I do want to feel my best, I probably will try to eat healthier. That's the point I'm trying to make.

However, I don't like talking about food in general and like diet in general because I don't want to offend anyone or I don't want to say the wrong thing that would kind of like make it as if I'm saying restrict yourself because that's not the message that I ever want to send. And it's something that I wouldn't do for myself either. Like, I allow myself to enjoy whatever it is I want to enjoy in the moment, but when it comes to just feeling really mentally good and vibrationally healthy and in alignment,

I like to eat healthier foods that make me feel good. So that's another thing that I think helps me tap into my feminine energy, just like eating foods that make me feel good. Now, another thing that I've discovered recently that has helped me tap into my feminine energy is surrounding myself with other women that are feminine that make me feel like I'm more my feminine,

being surrounded by women and being surrounded by other people that just, it's like women supporting women and just feeling like I'm a part of a really amazing community of people that want to lift each other up and support each other. And this might be a little weird to say, but I think healing your relationship with your mother is super significant in healing the feminine energy parts of yourself. And growing up, I mean, obviously,

I would say that me and my mom have a really good relationship now and I think we are close and I tell her everything and I speak to her often. However, I think in the past, it wasn't that strong of a relationship, or at least as strong as I would have wanted it to be. And I've learned to heal it over time. And I think just tapping into that and actually healing my relationship with my mom and learning more about her and empathizing with her more and just being a little closer to her has helped me heal parts of myself in and parts of my self that weren't healed as far as like feminine energy goes. And I think it all makes sense because you come from your mother, you came from your mother's

womb, you know, and everything is energetic and everything is connected. And I believe it's a super important relationship that can affect you as a person. Whether you're a male or a female, it can really affect you and weigh in on you in your life. And I know that when I've struggled with that relationship with her, you know, if we're arguing or if we were in a fight, it physically affected me. Like, I definitely felt the effects of that physically and mentally. And I felt off balance when my relationship with her wasn't necessarily perfect.

Now, there are other ways you can take steps towards healing your feminine energy and tapping into it more. One of the biggest things for me, okay, I personally highly recommend the how to really date yourself instead episode because that episode for me was a lot of tapping into my own feminine energy and I think it radiates and reflects through that particular episode of the podcast. When I was in London and I was just doing my own thing and I was tapping into my higher self and I was having a drink by myself and getting dressed up

and I put on makeup and I went out and I just, I felt so in my element. And that was a time in my life where I remember vividly that I felt really in my feminine. I was taking pictures of myself and I was just having fun and making TikToks and I had one of the best nights that night while I was traveling.

And I think it really reflects in that episode. So if you want, go check that out. If you haven't listened to it. And if you have, I think you'll be able to notice even the difference in my voice while I was recording that episode. When I play it back, I'm like, wow, like I think I was really in my flow and in my element in that particular time of my life because I was really in my feminine energy. Now, here are some other bullet points I pulled from online where you could

tap more into your feminine energy. Just by being more connected with nature, going to the ocean, going to the beach, having the wind blowing in your hair, being in the sun, I think that always makes me feel more in alignment. Being more creative, tapping into that creative flow, painting, drawing, writing a song, listening to, empowering music, things that just ultimately make you feel good and raise your vibration.

But really spending time in nature, I think has definitely helped me tap more into my feminine energy. Also tapping into that nurturing side of you. When I'm around animals, I feel so in my feminine. Like taking care of a puppy, taking care of a kid in, holding a dog in my arms, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's really not.

And I know anyone who has a dog will know this. You feel your heart open up. Like your heart just opens and you feel nurturing, you feel like you want to take care of the animal. It's really any animal. But for me, I'm a huge dog lover. And when I'm holding a puppy in my arms, that's when I know I'm a mother. I am a mother and I want to be a mother. I know it's not the same as having a child, okay? But I do also want children one day. But just animals alone can make you tap into your feminine

energy more. Also, I kind of mentioned this earlier, self-care practices, holistic self-care routines that nurture your body, mind and soul through yoga, meditation and things like maybe acupuncture, getting a massage, taking a hot bath with some epsom salt, whatever it is, those things help me tap more into my feminine. Expressing emotions is a big one, too. Expressing emotions in a safe way where you can really be yourself and have

deep meaningful conversations with people and have safe spaces that make you feel like you could just truly open up. That also helps you tap into your feminine energy. And when you surround yourself with good people who can accept your emotions and accept who you are and make you feel good about expressing yourself, and make you feel good about expressing yourself, that's the best feeling in the world. And ultimately just having more compassion for yourself and accepting yourself, I actually had a little bit of an emotional breakdown

last night. It might not seem that way from, you know, everything we've talked about today, but I have my moments. And yesterday I had a little bit of a situation where I was feeling quite emotional. And I got myself in the bath, I took a hot bath, I put on some meditation music,

and I forced myself to relax and it did help. And then I was talking to myself and tapping into my higher self. And I said to myself, I forgive you. I forgive you for all the bullshit that you've tolerated in the past. I forgive you for all the things that you've been through in your life that you tolerated that were painful, that made you feel like you weren't good enough, that made you feel small, that made you feel unworthy and unvalued and not appreciated.

I forgive you. And one of my best friends from childhood, her name is Natalie and we were talking about relationships several weeks ago. And one of the things she told me really stood out to me, she was texting me about how she found the one because she's in a very healthy relationship right now with someone that she's deeply in love with. And I was like, how did you find him? Like, what happened there?

Because prior to that, she was in toxic situations. And there were so many men that treated her really poorly and she just wasn't getting treated the right way at all. And then she met this man who completely changed everything for her and was such an amazing is such an amazing partner to her. So I was like, what do you think changed? And she said, I forgave myself. Like I had to first forgive myself for all the past things that I put myself through. I had to be so loving and gentle and kind with myself before I found her boyfriend, you know, before I found him.

I don't know if I want to mention his name too. I don't know if like he would want to be anonymous, whatever, but she was telling me that she had to really just forgive herself. And I thought that was such a beautiful point to make and something that I never really thought of. And last night I decided to really tap into that. And I don't think I ever really forgave myself for a lot of the trauma and past shit that I put myself through. I self-sabotage a lot.

And I've done it in the past where I know something's not good for me and I continue to stick it out or I continue to tolerate shitty behavior from people. And last night I had this mantra going in my head, I'm like, I forgive you. I forgive you for everything that you've gone through. And it was really liberating and it was such a beautiful moment.

And I woke up feeling super refreshed and I highly recommend taking 10 minutes out of your day or before you go to bed and practicing forgiveness to yourself. I think it's just such an empowering thing helps you tap into your feminine more and it makes you feel really good and it's very healing and with that being said, I think that concludes today's episode. I hope you loved it. I hope it resonated with you in the right way. If you enjoy this episode, feel free to DM me on Instagram at list.

L-Y-S-S. Be sure to follow me on Instagram at list or on the podcast account. At date yourself and said, I love you. Thank you as always for listening and stay tuned for next Monday. Monday.