Date Yourself Instead - It's time to upgrade, uplevel, and become f*cking unstoppable this fall season

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

Do you know how special and important you are??? Do you know how much you bring to the table? NO ONE IS YOU and that is your superpower. In this episode, I discuss ways to level up, create boundaries, know your worth and much more. The Dare to Detach MASTERCLASS doors open November 16th, 2023 for new clients! Learn more HERE. Use code "selflove" for $20 off the course when you join us. I can't wait for you to level up even more and step into your power, let go of the toxic BS, and join our amazing private community group chat led by me and other members.

Do you know how fucking special and important you are? Do you know how much you bring to the table? Do you know how unique you are and how much you have to offer the world? No one can actually replicate you. No one can actually be you. People can try, people can copy you, people can rip your work off, people can try to replicate parts about you and your personality and the way that you look and the way that you look

and the way that you talk and rip off your creativity, whatever it is, but at the end of the day, no one is you and that is your power. That is your fucking superpower. And that is why it's so important to recognize your value. And that's what today's episode is really going to be talking about, but before I dive in, I want to talk about my master class really quickly, dare to detach.

You guys have probably seen this all over my social media. I've been posting it lately. This class is designed to help you recognize your worth and step into your power, step into the highest version of you and fucking upgrade everything in your life and it ties perfectly into today's episode. You are going to become fucking unrecognizable. If you want to join us, we have an amazing private community. The code for the podcast listeners is self-love. Use code self-love for $20 off. The masterclass is a 4-day program. It's designed to help you level up in a video format.

It's four days of classes. Each day consists of one-on-one style videos with me guiding the class. There's powerful writing exercises, meditations, and guys, I swear to you. This is everything that I learned about the art of detachment, about letting go of the bullshit, about letting go of people who didn't see my value and didn't see my worth and helped me transform immensely. This program is super intimate and designed to specifically rewire your subconscious mind and allow you to truly be emotionally free. It's much, much different than just listening to a podcast episode. I know a lot of you have been listening to the podcast message mean you're like, what's the difference between the masterclass and your podcast? It is

way different. It's more intimate. It's one-on-one. Think of it as a really awesome therapy session, but something you can revisit time and time again and it's only one-time payment. So remember to use the code self-love for $20 off, and let's get into today's episode. So, I was the type of person who would let people walk all over me on a daily basis. I was always in a shell. In my mind, I was always non-confrontational. I was afraid to stand up for myself.

I was afraid to really step into my power and I allowed people to walk all over me like a fucking doormat. I would let people take advantage of me, I would let people treat me like I was basically nothing, and it truly hurts me to look back at that version of myself because I didn't understand how amazing and special I actually was. I didn't recognize my own worth, I didn't see my own value, I constantly doubted who I was and I didn't understand the concept of self-love, I didn't see my own value. I constantly doubted who I was and I didn't understand the concept of self-love. I didn't understand the concept of creating a really

strong identity for myself. I was just always living moment to moment and not really ever working on myself. Or looking at myself as a work in progress, I was always just going with the flow and that's okay because obviously as we get older, we learn more about this concept of self-love and self-growth, and it's become a really big thing, especially in the world of social media. We have more access to materials. We have access to resources. We have access to therapy, et cetera. But back when I was younger in my early 20s, I didn't understand any of this. I didn't understand what it meant to love myself. I operated from a place of fear. I operated from a place of insecurity

and I would allow people to treat me like, I didn't really matter. I didn't have boundaries. I didn't understand the importance of boundaries. And I allowed people to make me feel like crap consistently, which obviously isn't the best feeling, but I got used to it. I got used to this feeling of being constantly run over. And it's something that I look back on and I'm like, wow, I learned so much and I'm able to grow and heal and

evolve from those experiences. But on today's episode, I really wanted to talk about this because I feel like, especially when we are in romantic relationships, we allow people to walk all over us if we have feelings for them. If we get emotionally involved with someone and we care about them, and they're treating us like total fucking shit, for some reason we still entertain it. For some reason, we still hold on and we cling on

because we're afraid, we're operating from a place of fear. Fear will stand in the way of your progress as a person. When we live our life in fear, we actually prohibit ourselves from evolving. We prohibit ourselves from transcending to the next fucking level. We block ourselves from our greatest blessings the next fucking level. We block ourselves from our greatest blessings and for miracles coming into our lives, we block everything because we're living and operating from a place of anxiety, worry, stress, fear, and we're

worried about the future. We're worried about the outcome of how things could turn out for us. We're afraid of being alone. We're afraid of never finding true love. We're afraid that if we cut people off that aren't good for us, that we're never going to have anyone better in our lives. And when we live in fear, we often make poor decisions. We often tolerate things that we shouldn't be tolerating. We often self-sabotage. We do the most to try to figure things out with people We do the most to try to figure things out with people that aren't worthy of figuring things out with and I'm guilty of this. We're operating from a place of uncertainty, worry, fear, doubt because we're overall afraid of what the future could look like if we were just

actually truly happy with ourselves. Now, the more I've grown and the more I've developed as a person and the more I've worked on myself, the less people there are in my life. And that's a scary concept to think about because if you're currently struggling with this idea of letting someone go and you're like, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else, I don't wanna be alone, I'm scared, I'm scared of what the're like, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else. I don't want to be alone.

I'm scared. I'm scared of what the future holds. I get it. I understand because when you level up and you decide to consciously upgrade your life, people are going to drop off the map. People that aren't good for you, people that aren't serving your highest good,

people that aren't good for your future are going to fucking drop off the map. That's just what's going to happen because the universe is going to weed out the bullshit. The universe is going to say, okay, you're ready to up level, you're ready to upgrade and step into the highest version of you. Well, here you go. You might have to do this journey by yourself for a little while. And that's a scary and intimidating thing to accept. It's intimidating to recognize that you might be doing this journey alone for a little bit and you might not have the friendships that you once had because maybe your friends are holding you back. Maybe they were weighing you down. Maybe they were jealous of you. Maybe

they weren't happy for your success. Shit like that energetically can weigh you down and hold you back and block you from becoming the greatest version of you. So, you know that expression of the climb to the top can be a lonely process. It's very true. And it's something that I experienced myself, especially with my own career in social media when I was in college. I remember working so hard day in and day out on building my Instagram, building my social platform, building my social media presence so I can turn it into a full-time career and what happened? of friends, I don't think they really understand what I was building at the time because in the moment it seemed crazy. It seemed so absurd. Oh, this girl's going to have this Instagram and monetize it and make money from it and make a living from it. Instagram wasn't a big thing 10 years ago.

So there were a lot of people who didn't understand me. There were a lot of people who fell off the map. There were a lot of people that I lost as friends and there was a lot of people who shit on me and bullied me and made me feel isolated and even more alone throughout that process. And it was something that I had to overcome. And I had to overcome that fear and those insecurities and those worries and those doubts because if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. And fear and insecurity and listening to other people and getting walked all over and getting bullied or tormented or treated like crap or garbage can really set you fucking back. And life is too short to be set back.

Life is too short. Your life is too precious. You're too special and you're too valuable to allow other people to hold you back from being successful and living out your dream life and living out everything that you've always wanted to do in your life. And tying this back into my course, not to plug my own masterclass a million times here, but that's really what I created it for is to be able to break through all the bullshit, break through all the noise and actually step into your power and level the fuck

up without feeling scared, without feeling like, oh my God, if I lose this person, I'm never gonna be happy, because that's not the case. Sometimes in the moment as you're going through the thick of it, it could feel that way, but once you get out to the other side and you've actually made something for yourself and you're actually this empowered, stronger, healthier, happier version of you,

you're gonna realize it was all fucking worth it. It was all worth it and I can guarantee you that. Fear and insecurity will make you lower your standards constantly. If you're constantly living and operating from a state of fear and insecurity, you're going to naturally just lower your standards and break down your boundaries so anyone could just walk into your life and fuck it up. Okay? It will allow you to tolerate shitty-ass behavior

from people that are not worth your time. And you'll end up putting them on a pedestal. You'll end up putting shitty people on a pedestal and actually catering to them if you're insecure and you're operating from fear. Now, this has happened to me on several occasions with the relationships I was in. I would entertain different guys that I knew weren't worth my fucking time. I knew they weren't worth it. I knew that they did not deserve an ounce of my energy.

But what did I do? I was alone. I was scared. I was operating from a place of uncertainty and insecurity, and I would continue the relationship. I would allow it to progress. And for what, I don't know, but I know it was because I was afraid of being alone. Have you ever been in a relationship when you're like, why am I sticking around when I know I deserve better?

Why am I tolerating this fucking behavior from this person when I know my worth and I know my value? And I know how amazing and hot and beautiful I am but this person is a troll and they're bringing me down and they're draining my energy but why am I holding on and you continue to self-sabotage and hold on and your friends are like what are you fucking doing and you're like I don't know I don't know I don't know why I'm holding on I know I'm better than this person I know I deserve more I know I don't know, I don't know why I'm holding on. I know I'm better than this person. I know I deserve more.

I know I deserve someone that treats me like royalty. I know I'm an amazing person. So why am I settling? It's because you're scared. You're operating from a place of fear and insecurity. And that's okay because this is human and I've literally experienced this first hand and that's why we're talking about it today. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

I think one of the key parts of actually getting to the core of your issues and fixing it and healing it is acceptance, understanding where you're at in life and understanding that these are the things I need to work on. These are the things I need to dig deep into and understand, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I in the cycle of self-sabotage? It's often tied to fear and it's often tied to things from our past that we don't even realize have affected us. I've been in so many situations where I could see my higher self-screaming at me

and being like, LIS, what are you doing? Why are you entertaining this? Why are you talking to this person? Why are you giving them the time of day? Because you know your value. So what are you doing to yourself? Why are you hurting yourself? Because you know how this story is going to end.

And I realized a lot of it also comes from the fear of the unknown. When we're scared of letting go, for whatever reason, we cling on because we're afraid of the unknown. We don't know what's going to happen next if we let go. We don't know the future. And by holding on to a relationship that isn't good for us, it's giving us a sense of control because we know we can predict how the pattern's gonna go. We can predict how the story line's gonna go because this person has already shown us their true colors. So for example, if you're in a toxic situation

with someone and you keep repeating the same pattern and cycle with them and you keep going back to them and let's just say it's a hot and cold dynamic where you break up and get back together and then you break up again and you get back together and they keep on hurting you time and time again and you keep tolerating it. It's self sabotage because you are trying to stay in control. You're trying to stay in control because you can actually predict what's going to happen. 99% of the time things aren't going to change because you've tried predict what's gonna happen. 99% of the time, things aren't going to change because you've tried already, and you know that,

and you know this storyline, so it makes you feel more in control because you're like, okay, deep down, you know how the story's gonna go. But what if you truly let go cut ties, remove this toxic situation from your life, and now you're just standing here all on your own. You don't know the future.

You can't predict the outcome now, so it makes you afraid, it makes you insecure about it, and it makes you question everything in your like, oh my God, am I making the right decision? Now I'm all by myself, what do I do? And it can be scary. However, the good news is, and the most amazing news is that your brain is so powerful, and I talk about this in your thoughts, create your reality episode, your brain is so fucking powerful, and you can actually control your future. You can actually dictate what happens next. And oftentimes when we're in a vulnerable relationship and we're scared and we're going through

a breakup or a hard time, we don't realize these things. We don't realize that actually you can change everything for the better. You can make decisions now to change everything for the better. It might not happen overnight, but you actually do have more control over your future than you think. So the beauty of it is, once you actually decide to let go and you make that conscious choice to level up and understand your value and recognize your worth, you can actually reprogram your brain to create a better, healthier, more empowered future. to create a better, healthier, more empowered future. And eventually, once you do that and you take those necessary steps, you're not going to go back to the people who didn't see your value.

You're not going to go back to the people who treated you like trash. And that's something I've realized over the years. Is the more I've actually healed parts of me that were used to this familiar pattern of toxicity was used to this familiar pattern of hot and cold and up and down roller coaster dynamics and relationships. The more I've healed that and the more I've really intrinsically looked at myself and done the fucking work. It's happened less and less. looked at myself and done the fucking work, it's happened less and less. Once you get to the root of the issue

of where your fears originally stem from, you're able to actually clear it properly. That's why I recommend therapy. That's why I did mushrooms. I've talked about this on my podcast as well. I had a psilocybin retreat that changed everything for me. I learned about healing these wounds through a lot of inner work. It's not an overnight fix. It's something that you have to commit to. And it's something that I think is so fucking important if you're looking to level up and change yourself and actually learn how to create permanent healthy boundaries for yourself.

Because if you're like me and you grew up in an environment where maybe you didn't know how to set boundaries, and you just let people take advantage of you, it can be really hard to relearn everything and learn how to set standards for yourself and learn how to create boundaries for yourself. It can be really difficult to do that. And it took me a couple of years. And I'm going to even dive into this further because there was even a recent situation that I had a struggle with setting boundaries with. And that was after all the healing. So I know how difficult it can actually be.

Because you could listen to my podcast and be like, oh, I'm forever changed. Like, I'm never going to tolerate bullshit again. And then a few weeks later, you stopped listening to the podcast, you skipped a couple episodes, and then you meet someone, and they start treating you pretty poorly. And you forget everything you learned, and you go back to your old ways. That's a very common thing. Okay. When you can apply something in the moment, because you're fresh off of an moment because you're fresh off of an empowerment or you're fresh off of your fresh off of something that might have empowered you and then you go back to your pattern slowly over time. Very common. Nothing to be ashamed of, but it's easier said than done to reprogram everything. And that's why I recommend therapy.

That's why I really recommend committing to a consistent means of healing yourself. Healing yourself and working on yourself should be part of your daily routine. I said what I said. If you have to meditate every day for six months in order to heal every little part of you, I recommend it. And that's what I did. And it really did help. And through a lot of healing, I realized that all of my relationships had one thing in common, was the feeling of abandonment, where I always held on, even if I knew it wasn't the right person, because I was afraid of being abandoned. I was afraid of being alone.

And I realized, after doing a lot of inner work, I think it came from my first relationship with my very first boyfriend. I got into a relationship when I was really young. I was 14 years old. That's pretty young. And he was a great person. And I have not one bad thing to say about him. I wish him well.

I haven't seen or spoken to him in many years. But I remember having this hot and cold dynamic. When I went through my first heartbreak with him, he broke up with me first, and it was like an overnight switch where I thought everything was fine, and within four days, I remember he just completely went cold on me, distanced himself, and then broke up with me. And I was like blindsided, I was so confused, I was like, what the fuck happened? And I was 14. And when you're that young, it's hard to process emotions like that. You're like so young, you're so vulnerable, you're so naive. It's your first fucking love. That was my first real relationship where I had these intense emotions towards a person.

And I got super attached and invested, and he pulled the rug out from under me, and I didn't know why. I didn't even know the reason, and I felt so abandoned, so neglected, and in so much pain, I never wished the first heartbreak pain on anyone. For those of you who have experienced your first heartbreak and what that feels like, it's like the worst fucking thing you could ever feel in your life. Because it's the first time you actually know what it's like to get your heart broken.

You physically feel your heart breaking. I remember I was bedridden for a month. My best friend had a come over and sleep next to me and she was like holding my hand at night because I couldn't sleep without sobbing my eyes out, crying myself to sleep. And that can change you. Even at 14 years old, that can fundamentally shift everything else. And I think that pain from that initial

heartbreak really did something to my brain because after that I noticed a pattern in all my other relationships where I would attract people that were constantly running away. And I had this fear of abandonment. And I had this fear of, oh my God, I need a hold on for dear life. And I'll do whatever it takes to make the relationship work because I'm afraid this person is just gonna flip a switch

and leave me. So after that relationship, I noticed a pattern within myself. I would constantly draw in people that felt like they were gonna run away from me. I felt like they were gonna run away from me and I would constantly chase after them. And energetically, I was always like clinging on for my fucking life. Even if I knew they weren't right for me,

even if I couldn't picture them as my husband, I would still hold on. And I'm like, why am I doing this? Because I wanted to feel in control. I was scared. I was fearful. I was anxious. Pretty crazy, right? We're really going in deep today.

And I think I'm rambling a little bit and sorry if this isn't making sense. I'm going to have to play it back after. I'm just really going off today. But I was super inspired because I actually had a recent situation that inspired this episode and caused me to think of all my relationship patterns and caused me to realize that I still had a lot of work to do. I was being treated horribly by someone that I wasn't even close with. And I don't know if he even would see it from this perspective because I don't even know

if he'd think he did anything wrong. But I've spoken to him about it and we don't talk anymore. But he just treated me with this level of disrespect that I didn't appreciate. And it was such a new situation that luckily I wasn't really allowing myself to open up fully and it never got to the point where I was super vulnerable or intimate with him or in love with him. It wasn't like that. So I didn't get hurt. But that was because I've learned how to create boundaries for myself. In the past, I probably would have slept with him and gotten too close for comfort and become intimate with him and opened up to him and shared my whole fucking life with him.

And he probably would have just dipped and ghosted me and I would have been heartbroken. But now I'm at an age where I learn how to create healthy boundaries for myself. And I never allowed it to get to that point, which is a good thing. And that's something that I've learned and carried with me. And I'm so grateful that I was able to create that boundary early on. But there were just multiple instances where he was just respecting me. I gave him multiple chances. I was super patient. I felt like I was super kind.

I did whatever I could to be a good person. And sometimes you just can't, no matter what it is, there's that quote, you could be the right package at the wrong address. It was one of those situations where I feel like no matter what I did or no matter how good of a person I was, I don't think he'd ever be able to see my value or appreciate me.

And it's not your job to force someone to see your value. It's not your job to force someone to see how amazing you are. And I know that. But I was just being super patient and I lowered my own standards and boundaries for a hot second. And then I realized and I quickly snapped myself out of it, I'm like, I have a fucking brand about this. I have a dating podcast where I'm literally preaching all of this advice, I'm helping people all around the world create better boundaries for themselves, create higher standards for themselves.

And if I'm gonna allow this person to treat me this way, not only am I the biggest hypocrite, but also I'm doing myself a huge disservice, and I'm also letting everyone else down. And I know you guys probably wouldn't see it that way because all of you are so amazing and kind and everyone who listens to my podcast, I know is an amazing person.

And all the messages I get, I love you guys so much. I know that you're so supportive of me and I'm so supportive of you and it's like a friendship. So I know you probably wouldn't judge me, but I was judging myself. I was like, why would I even continue something like this when it's not aligning with who I am or what I truly stand for, what I truly believe in. If I allow this and I'm tolerating this behavior from someone, I'm not being real with myself and I'm not respecting myself and I'm not honoring who I am and I also want to honor you guys, and set a healthy example. And I knew I was going to take this experience and put it on the podcast because at the end of the day, I think it could still

relate to everyone. Sometimes we go back to our old ways temporarily to teach us even more about ourselves. And it can suck because you're like, I thought I healed all of this. I thought that I was on top of the world. I thought that I would never allow something like this back into my space. And I had a little slip up for a little while. And then I realized also that's okay. It's okay to slip up.

It's okay to make a mistake and go back. It's okay because everything is here to teach you something more about yourself. And I learned a lot. I actually learned a lot of valuable lessons from tolerating that temporary situation. And I feel even more empowered. I feel even more strong.

And I feel like I can even provide more value. Especially in this episode, I feel like I can even provide more value, especially in this episode. I feel like this episode to me is gonna probably be one of my favorites, and I hope it could really stick with you and resonate with you guys as well. Now, obviously, I've cut that situation off, but the point being it was just one of those moments where it was another wake-up call.

And another realization that if I'm trying to find my soulmate and the love of my life and someone who's going to value me and appreciate me, I need to clear the root of whatever that issue is. I need to clear the root of what's going on deep down because clearly there's a part of me that is rejecting that idea of healthy love still. Clearly, and I didn't even realize it till recently, and I think I needed this experience to understand that about myself. I was rejecting this idea of healthy love

by sticking around this person and engaging with him, because I knew it was never gonna be that. And I feel like I was blocking my own self and sabotaging my own self and lowering my worth in the moment because a part of me doesn't believe I deserve healthy love. Now, I started doing more therapy and inner work and diving deeper into this. And I realized that I have a fear of actual marriage. Okay, now that might sound crazy, but I'll tell you why. I pride myself on my freedom and independence. I pride myself on having my own life and beating to my own drum and doing my own thing and I love the feeling of freedom. Okay, my moons and Sagittarius, my North nodes and Sagittarius, for those of you who are

into astrology, I know they might sound cringey, but when you have your moon and Sagittarius, I don't even know how to say it, Sagittarius, that's like all about freedom. Your moon is your identity when it's placed in your chart. It's how you feel internally about yourself. And I just pride myself on this idea of doing whatever the fuck I want, having full independence, having full control over my own life. I have the word freedom tattooed on my wrist. I just love this idea of freedom and I think I've always in the past associated marriage with being jailed in and being tied down and not having freedom because what if you want to leave?

What if you're not happy five years in and you want to leave? But that's a horrible mindset and I never cleared that. I never cleared that because I didn't think it was an issue. I was like, whatever, marriage isn't that big of a deal. It'll happen when it happens. But I never realized that I was afraid of it. And that was also why I think I was self-sabotaging and drawing myself into these different relationships with people that wouldn't want to commit to me

and that were treating me like shit. Or that I was in relationships where things were constantly getting blocked. Even in my three-year series relationship that I ended, with the whole religion thing where we were different religions, that was another huge block and a hurdle that I knew that was going to be really difficult to get over and it felt like self-sabotage in a way. So I had to clear that, and that's something I'm working on right now. And this is a really vulnerable thing for me to say and you might be like, girl, what's wrong with you?

But I don't know what it is. It's, I think I always just had this idea of marriage as being trapped, which is not a healthy perspective to have. Because I know people who are happily married and are even better versions of themselves. And I think part of it is also that I just haven't met the right person. And I think the right person and my true soulmate will make me feel even more free and make me feel even more empowered and have that freedom with them and have that independence with them. And I know there's someone out there that will be able to provide those things for me and make me feel even more unstoppable. So that's what I've had to reprogram my brain

to believe. Like there is someone out there for me that I can be married to that will also give me a ton of freedom that will make me feel like the best version of myself and that will make me even better and supplement who I am and not control me or not pin me down or not jail me in. Because I think in the past I've dated people who also made me feel suffocated where I was like, if I married this person, would I be happy? But they just weren't the right person. So I've been doing a lot of inner work, a lot of clearing things from my past, a lot of limiting beliefs.

Because that's a limiting belief, thinking that marriage is gonna jail you in. So I had to clear that, and that's something I've been working on recently, and I realized that my dream person and the person I will marry, I know is gonna be not only someone that makes me better and happier, but someone that actually makes me feel even more free. And that's exciting.

I never thought of marriage like that, but I'm excited. The other thing I wanted to touch on because tying this into this whole idea of tolerating shitty behavior from people and getting into relationships where the other person isn't seeing your worth and you feel like crap around them, there's something else I realized. Now, this might be something that you might not agree with, not everyone might agree with this, but it's something that I think is true, at least for me. I don't think we can control who we love. I think it just happens.

I think some things are out of our control and I think falling in love is one of those things where you can't really control how you feel about a person if you love them. And it's hard to unlove someone. It's hard to remove that emotion. I think love is just one of those feelings that you either have and it's there or it's not. So when I was in certain situations and relationships with people that I loved and they didn't love me back or they didn't feel the same way, that was something I had to come to terms with is that I can't control that I love this person, but I can understand that it's okay for me to let go and it's okay for me to detach and it's okay for me to accept that they don't feel the same way.

What are you gonna do? I couldn't control how I felt if I really cared about someone and they didn't reciprocate. It was just a feeling, it was just there. But I took it as a learning lesson to teach me something and dig deeper into myself and love myself even more as a result. Taking all that love, I was giving to that person and focusing it back onto myself. I've had to do that in various situations where I love someone deeply.

They didn't feel the same. They didn't reciprocate or I cared about them deeply. Love is a strong word, but I just cared about them deeply. Love is a strong word, but or I just cared for them deeply and I had to redirect all that energy back into myself. And in turn, it made me feel more empowered in the end, but in the moment it was painful. But it's always there to teach you something. Not everyone is going to reciprocate how you feel about them. Not everyone is going to show up for you the way that you want them to. But oftentimes it's a blessing in disguise. Oftentimes you're going to look back and be like, thank God it and work out with that

person, even though I love them and cared for them at in that moment. And sometimes when you level up so much and you upgrade your life and you upgrade your identity and you work so deeply on yourself, sometimes you'll look back and be like, what the fuck was I doing? Why was I even tolerating that person in my aura? In my vortex, why were they there? I don't know. But it's usually always there just to teach you something. Maybe if they hadn't been there, you wouldn't have made that conscious choice to level up and step into your power and work on yourself. I think every relationship has taught me more about working on myself. And I'm really proud of the woman I am today because of everything I've been through.

I'm so proud of who I am. And I don't regret a single experience. I wouldn't take back anything. I really wouldn't. All those nights where I cried myself to sleep, all those nights where I felt like the pain would never end, all those nights where I literally would look myself in the mirror

and be like, I'm never gonna be happy. Have brought me to this moment where I'm talking about it now, and I'm so grateful. I'm so eternally grateful for everything that I've actually been through. Even though in the moment, I remember I was like, why the fuck is this happening? Another thing I want to know, if you want to level up and step into your power and step into the highest version of you

and stop tolerating the bullshit, you have to take action. You can't just sit around and wait for things to change. You have to take immense action on your life if you want to become the greatest version of you. You have to actually do the work to up level and grow and evolve as a person and to cut out people who aren't good for you. You have to make that conscious decision to do that and commit to it. It's not going to happen overnight. It's going to be something you have to commit to. You have to engage in new activities. You have to embrace the fact that you might be alone for a little while. You might have to change your environment. You might have to make a move. You might have to take action on the things you've been procrastinating with in your life. You have to get the

ball rolling. You have to do things. You have to be brave. You have to be strong. You have to commit to being a mental warrior. And sometimes it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be a walk in the park. Okay. Sometimes when you're in the thick of pain and you're going through a rough breakup or you lost a dear friend or you lost your dream job or you are going through a shitty experience in general, it's easy to get into this mindset of

nothing's going to get better for me. I'm never going to be happy. I'm never going to be okay. And you might tell yourself that narrative, but you gotta stop. At some point, you have to commit to really healing that part of you and saying, listen, it's gonna get fucking better for me,

but I have to take action. I have to get myself out of bed and get moving and start. Make a list of everything you want to accomplish that you haven't accomplished yet. Make a list of everything that you want in your life that you haven't received yet. What are your goals? What are your passions?

What's your vision for yourself? What is your higher self telling you to do? What are you being called to do in your life that you haven't done yet? I'm sure there's plenty of things you have not done yet. And you might just be procrastinating because you're self-sabotaging. I realized that back in the day,

it really wasn't back in the day. It was like three years ago, but I was a master procrastinator. I would hold things off because I thought things were just gonna happen for me. And I was also in the thick of a breakup. I was super depressed. I hated myself. And I wasn't willing to take the necessary steps and action to take care of myself.

I would literally sit in bed and be like, what am I doing today? I don't know. I'm just going to sit here. And that's okay because I think I needed that experience to actually snap myself the fuck out of it. And if you're going through a really difficult time right now, you're grieving, you're going through a loss of some kind, whatever it is, it's okay to take a month or two and just sit in your bed and do nothing.

It's okay to take that time. I think it's valid and there's nothing wrong with it. And I think especially as someone who's experienced depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life, I get it and I empathize with it. But if you're looking to make a massive change and transform an up-level and become the most unstoppable version of you, you have to take action. No one's going to get up and help you. You have to help yourself.

Another valuable lesson that I've really learned along the way of healing and growing and evolving is you have to take control of your own life. No one is gonna sit there with you and take your hand and walk you through life. You might have good friends that support you, you might have your parents cheering you on, whatever it is, but I know majority of the time I've always had to do shit on my own.

I've always had to pick up the pieces on my own and rewire my thoughts to think positively and be like, Liss, you have to snap yourself out of it. Do you want to be the greatest version of you? Your life is short, you have no fucking time to waste. You gotta do this, you have to take action. Even with my podcast and I've mentioned this on other episodes, it took me like a year to publish the first episode. It had been in the works for a year, literally, or maybe nine months, I think it was, where I recorded the first episode in February,

and then I didn't publish it till September. Because I was procrastinating and I was scared, I was literally scared to put my creativity and my work out into the world because I was like, it's never gonna be anything, I'm never gonna amount to anything. I literally was so toxic for myself. Sometimes we really have to look within

and be like, am I a toxic person to myself? What am I doing? What is this narrative I'm creating in my head of self sabotage? I was being so toxic to myself, what am I doing? What is this narrative I'm creating my head of self-sabotage? I was being so toxic to myself. I was treating my inner child and my inner self like crap. And after healing those parts of me and slowly starting to build my confidence through meditation, through quantum jumping, which is a part of my day to detach program, go get it.

I promise you, it's life changing. I'll change your fucking life. Doing the inner work, talking to therapists, journaling, traveling, solo traveling, learning more about myself. Doing everything I possibly could to heal, that's when I started making moves. And after you start making moves and after you start actually doing the things that you told yourself you were going to do, it feels so fucking good. It's so rewarding. And I'm going to make a separate episode about the art of getting shit done and an episode on procrastination because I was the queen of procrastinating.

When I tell you, I would put everything off to the last fucking second, that was me to a tea. I just couldn't get things done. My head always felt very foggy. I remember there was like two years straight where I just felt super clouded and I was like, I don't feel like doing anything ever. And that got me nowhere. Just gonna be completely transparent.

That got me nowhere. I ended up going basically broke because of that mindset and because I wasn't taking any action. And I thought things were just gonna be handed to me on a silver platter and they weren't. And now everything's much, much better. But point being, that was the time of my life

that I learned a lot of lessons from about really taking control of your life and understanding that you have to be the one that takes care of yourself the most. And with that being said, be sure to check out the Dare to Detach program. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. Use the code self-love for $20 off the course.

I'm gonna plug the course here because it's something I really have worked my ass off on. I spent two months working on this program and I know it's such a game changer. I'm so proud of it and the community we built on there is so amazing and everyone is so kind and so great. We have a supportive private group chat

that I'm a huge part of. I can answer all of your messages in there. And it's just something that I know is a game changer. And yeah, so I hope you enjoyed today's podcast episode. Thank you so much as always for listening to date yourself instead. If you haven't, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. Send me a DM on Instagram, at lists, at date yourself instead of you enjoyed this.

If you have any feedback from me, I would love to hear from you. I love you. Thanks again and stay tuned for next Monday.