Date Yourself Instead - London vs. New York dating culture + dating intentionally and KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT.

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

On today’s episode, I unpack my personal experience between dating in New York vs. London and how British men have been a whole new vibe for my healed, golden-era self. We talk intentional love, love bombing, faith, and what it really means to be seen for who you are versus what you do. I also reflect on the signs that someone isn’t right for you and how to trust your intuition the first time.

Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Date Yourself Instead. So I went on a date for the first time in a while. We went to a private members club in London. It was really nice. It was a really good vibe and the weather here has been incredible. It's summer in London and it's actually summer. Last summer was very rainy. I was here for a couple months and I remember the sun barely made an appearance. I still loved it regardless, which is crazy because

I'm such a big beach person, weather person, but for some reason in London it doesn't really bother me as much because I just love the city. But this summer has been absolutely unreal and it's really been golden. I know we've talked a lot on the podcast about this concept of the golden age and the golden era and just being in your golden aura. And I feel like being here and just being planted here and grounded here for the last several months has been my absolute dream come true. I feel like I'm living out the manifestations and the vision board I created three years ago. So I went on a date in London last night and it was really interesting because it had me thinking of

what I was going to talk about on today's episode, which is this concept of American men and American dating culture versus English men and British dating culture and how different they are and the differences I've noticed. I've had my fair share of both experiences. A lot of you are super curious in what the major differences are. And it's something that I've also very much noticed because it is very different. And I wanted to really cover it on today's episode. I also wanted to talk about this concept of when people show you who they truly are, believe

them the first time. That's a really big thing that I've been noticing recently when it comes to dating and comes to putting myself back on the market, I guess you could say, and just like really opening myself up to meeting new people again. Because for a year and a half, I really took a break off of dating. I've been in long-term serious relationships for most of my life. And I never experienced what it was really like to date myself ever in my life, ever in my 20s. I was very codependent. I was always used to having a boyfriend by my side to sleep next to, to do everything together with,

to travel with, to experience life with. And I'm so grateful for all of those chapters of my life. But at the same time, I realized that I never knew what it was like to be alone. And that is why I created this podcast. That's why I created Date Yourself Instead, because as I was trying to get out of my last relationship, I felt this urgency for claiming my power and reclaiming my independence and figuring myself out. I took you guys along

on that entire journey with me, which is so beautiful and incredible. And I'm so grateful as I'm getting back into this period of my life where I'm, you know, potentially maybe considering being with my husband, being with someone that could be, you know, super serious and change the course of my life forever. I've noticed that a lot of people will show you their cards the first time and they'll show you who they are through simple text. And they'll show you who they are through the first couple of days of you just interacting with them, whether it's through a dating app or whether it's through text messaging or phone calling,

whatever you do to communicate with this person, a lot of people will show you their character right away. And then we ignore that warning sign, or we ignore that warning sign, or we ignore intuition, and we're just kind of like, oh, I kind of knew something was off, but I went and met up with them anyway, or I, you know, spent the last two months dating them,

but I knew they came with all of these issues, all of these problems, and I chose to participate anyway. So we're going to be talking about that, and then we're also going to be talking about the differences between American dating and British dating So we're going to be talking about that, and then we're also going to be talking about the differences between American dating and British dating and what I've learned and what I've come to realize about my personal preferences and what I'm looking for. That's another thing. A lot of you are asking me in my DMs recently, what are you personally, Liss, looking for in your partner, in a husband, in someone you could see the rest of your life with.

Although I would say I don't have a 20-page checklist of every single thing I'm looking for, I will say that there are some things that are non-negotiables for me. And a lot of those things stem from my values and my personal beliefs and who I am as a person. Because I believe in God and because I have a sense of faith now that I never really had growing up, I know that it's really important for me to just know. You know that expression, when you know you know, and you hear it from a lot of married couples I knew right away when I met my husband or my wife, I just knew. It was just a feeling of comfort and safety and security.

I know that that is going to be the experience that I have at my core. I just know that there's not gonna be this up and down, emotional, back and forth, roller coaster type of situation with the person that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Because as I've built my faith and as I've rebranded my life, basically,

and as I've changed at my core and I've changed my belief systems over the last year and a half and I've strengthened my relationship with higher power. It's changed the way I view myself, the way I love myself, the way I carry myself, the way I see myself in general as a whole and I know that I'm more in touch with my intuition and who I am more than ever now. So the downloads that I've been getting about my person and my husband are that I will know right away. It was also really reassuring and comforting because one of my good friends, Andrea, who

I met in Bali, she's extremely intuitive and tapped in and very spiritual. When I was kind of thinking about all of this, she had DM'd me within the same 24 hours and had been like, any updates on meeting someone? Because you're going to know right away. She said it a couple times to me where she was like, you're just going to know right away. And because she knows me, and also because she's very in tune with her own spirituality, I just felt very comforted when she said that. Because she had such a beautiful story when she met her now husband.

I really want her to come on the podcast to tell the story, because it's so inspiring. And I think she has such an amazing story just as a person. She has so many interesting things about her and she knows so much about relationships. So I would love to have her on and that will probably happen very soon. But the point is that's the biggest thing for me.

And I think he's going to naturally check off every other box that I have. A lot of those boxes have to do with having the same values, beliefs, having a man that's very loyal and dedicated and driven and hardworking and trustworthy. Obviously the important things. And then of course, I have to be extremely physically attracted to him as well, which is, I think, important for everyone. It's just so weird to me when someone's like, oh, you know, I'm

in a relationship with this person, but we haven't been intimate in a few years. We just feel more like friends. And I'm like, well, you are friends. I just never understood that. And sorry if that's disrespectful to anyone or you just feel like, okay, that's offensive because that's the situation I'm currently in. But I do believe intimacy is a huge factor in your relationship. And that's also non-negotiable for me. There's just so many different things, but I think the biggest thing for me is just the feeling of knowing this person was sent from the higher realms, sent from God himself.

And I know that it's possible because it's happened for other people, so I'm choosing that it will also happen for me. And I think that ties into this concept of what you believe you deserve. And if you believe you deserve that and you believe that's your destiny, what's going to happen?

And that's what manifestation and knowing and getting clear on what you want is really all about. So sorry, there's so many things I'm kind of rambling on about on today's episode. But there's so much I really came into the studio wanting to talk about because I've just had so many different things happening over the last couple weeks and I haven't recorded anything and it's been bottling in. So okay, now we're gonna get a little more organized and

dive into the first part of today's episode, which is New York dating versus London dating, American men versus British men and what I've seen, this is my personal take, this is my personal experience, don't come for me, okay? But I think it's a pretty good assessment because I've been traveling back and forth from New York to London for the last four years and I've dated both American men and British men. The biggest difference in terms of dating

is that with American men, I've been in long-term serious relationships, and with British men, I've only been in longer-type situationship things, because I would always leave, and I feel like that played a big part in not being able to sustain anything. And also, I was unhealed. A huge thing of why I think a lot of the British, the English relationships I had, the British relationships I had, were not very long lasting is because I was unhealed and I was insecure

because they weren't necessarily like up my ass chasing me down and I was used to that dynamic with American men and I needed that validation in order to feel safe. But the truth is, now that I don't need that validation, I'm realizing that it was just harder for me because I was seeking validation in all the wrong places. With American men, I was so used to them lusting after me and, like, chasing me down and wanting to rush into a relationship

and love bombing me and basically just saying and doing all the right things in the beginning. And as time went on, the relationship would become super toxic and the relationship would be something that I didn't think it was going to be. And it would turn into this back and forth struggle for years with every single American guy that I've been in a relationship with. In the beginning, it was always amazing butterflies and that chemistry where you're like, Oh my God, I found the love of my life. And then you start really getting to know that person over months of time and you realize

they were either manipulating me or they've love bombed me or they just wanted to date me for whatever reason and then started really showing who they really were later on. I do take accountability also for rushing into relationships with American guys, but to be fair, I think they're so forward and they were always very like, I want to date you type of energy that I just took it as this is my person and I would convince myself that they were right for me when in reality that was not the case. With British men, I've noticed that they're way slower and they move at a very slower pace and they're more reserved in their energy when it comes to dating. They're not chasing after the woman in the same capacity that I've seen.

Now once again, this is my personal experience. So if you've had something completely different, I totally get that. I'm just speaking from what I've seen and what a lot of other people I've discussed this with have told me, so it kind of made me feel like, oh, maybe this is actually worthy of an episode. I've noticed that when I would get myself involved with a British guy, they weren't quick to jump into anything.

And I think that's a green flag, because I think it's important to really get to know someone. Now, that doesn't mean you wait two months to plan a date. And it doesn't mean, you know, you have to wait six weeks to get a text message back. That's not normal either. But I think the energy around rushing into a relationship is so different because none of these British guys ever pressured me into rushing into a relationship is so different. Because none of these British guys ever pressured me into rushing into a relationship. In fact, it was the opposite.

I felt like I was putting more pressure on the situation than they were. And it's not to say that I liked them more, they liked me more, whatever it is. I think it was just something that I was culturally used to and used to by nature because all of my American boyfriends had basically been like, OK, we're dating. Let's do this.

And I would jump into these situations, and then they ended up being really wrong for me. I do think there's something to this where British men are more reserved and slow paced. I think also what I've noticed, especially in New York, I feel like they are very, very, very business-focused, work-oriented, hustle, that type of energy. So they also come at you with that type of energy, where they're like, let's do this,

let's go on the date, let's plan this right now, I'm taking you to dinner. They're very, very confident and straightforward in that way. And usually, if you meet someone within 48 hours, you're planning the date if they like you, that is, and they're interested. They're going to plan the date. They're going to take you out. And I think it's very fast paced in New York. It's like, OK, if he likes you, if he wants to see you,

he's planning the date within the first 48 to 72 hours of messaging you or whatever it is. And then you you're going and you're kind of clear on that because it's just like, okay, boom, boom, boom, done. I like you, let's go on the date. Whereas in England, it's like, oh yeah, maybe this day, maybe that day. I don't know. It's just such a different dynamic where you're not getting that fast paced boom boom boom plan orchestrated. Now that's not to say there aren't British men that will do that and be

very hands on and confident and plan something. But I personally, I feel like I've had to be the one to take more initiative. And then once I do, they'll start taking the lead more. But I feel like I've had to make the first move here on several different occasions. And it would always end up being fine in the sense of once I took that initial step, they would start leading. But it's just I don't really want to have to do that at the same time.

So I'm like, hmm, it's interesting. Because I know that not every person is like this here, right? But from the collective as a whole, a lot of women that live here that are British have told me that they've had the same exact experience, where they'll go to America, and they're so shocked at how forward the men are there. And I'm like, what do you mean?

Because that's all I'm used to. I grew up like that. And they're like, well, haven't you noticed here the men are terrified to make the first move. And I'm just like, that's so interesting, because I have kind of noticed that. But I just thought maybe, you know, they were a little bit intimidated and whatever, and I didn't think too much into it. But there is this cultural difference. And it's just fascinating. It's not right or wrong. And it's not good or bad. It's just what you prefer and what you would expect. I think for me, I know that the person I end up with

is going to lead right away. So that's a huge thing for me. But at the same time, when I've had that experience in America where these guys have been like, all right, let's go, let's do this, let's jump into something, that hasn't really worked in my favor either. So as I said, it's not good or bad, it's not right or wrong.

What matters the most is what feels aligned for you and what feels good for you. But this is just me talking about the differences, okay? So the next thing I will say is from my experience, I think American men, when it comes to dating, they'll talk a lot of talk. They'll talk a lot of talk and they will give you exactly what you wanna hear and they will give you exactly what you want to hear.

They'll tell you exactly what you want to hear so you agree to see them or so you grow feelings for them and get more hooked on them. And I'm guilty of this where a man will chew my ear off telling me xyz everything I've ever wanted to hear and then I'll fall in love with them because I'm like, oh my god, this is the perfect person. And then you realize over time, this is what happened in my relationships. It burns out quickly and everything they said goes to shit because what they said was not really how they felt or what they meant and it wasn't really their character. They just knew how to talk the talk.

In London, what I realized with British men is that they may not say as much, but that's a good thing because their words are more intentional. Maybe the British women here, if you're listening to the podcast, you're gonna be like, what are you talking about? Every guy that I've dated here has, you know, fed me all these lies, blah, blah, blah.

But for me personally, the men that I've met, they haven't really done that. They actually say less. I feel like it's almost harder for me to figure out what's going on in their brain because they're so reserved in their feelings. But their actions are speaking. And that is so much more important than what they're saying and what words are coming out of their mouth. So for example, there was this English guy that I have been chatting to for several months

and we're just friends, right? There's this intentionality, intentionality. There's this intentionality. It sounds like it's not a word, but it is. There's intentionality behind the things that he's saying because my fight or flight system is like, oh, you know, he's not telling me he really likes me all the time. And he's not telling me how beautiful I am all the time,

but he's still showing up and he wants to see me and make plans with me and he wants to talk to me most days and he wants to FaceTime me and he wants to show me what he's doing in his life. That speaks more volumes to me now as an adult and after I've been through so much in my life, that speaks way more to me in his character and how he feels about me versus just saying all the stuff and not delivering and speaking with false promises because you can easily craft a bunch of stories to someone and sell yourself verbally. But if your actions aren't aligning with that

or you're not doing anything intentional behind those words, your word means shit, right? So I think with a lot of American men and in New York, they'll talk the talk, but they won't walk the walk. I know it's a little cheesy, but that's the expression. And for example, with this guy that has become a friend of mine that's English, he, I mean, there is like something there.

Like I do feel like there is like some sort of feeling there, but I don't know like what it is because I don't, I just value him as a friend and I'm sure he feels the same. He's not lusting after me and like saying and doing all these things to love bomb me. He kind of is very reserved in a sense. So for me, that was so triggering at first because I was like, what do you want from me? You want to hang out with me, but you won't even attempt to take me on a date or kiss me or do anything.

And I think that was triggering for me for a while because I was so used to being adored and love bombed and being fed all these lies basically that weren't even really true by every other guy I've dated in America. So it's very interesting to me. And it happened with another guy that I was seeing here a couple of years ago. He definitely had feelings for me, but he wouldn't say it, you know?

Like he wouldn't vocalize the feelings. And that's really important to me. It would be like open with communication and know where someone stands. But at the same time, when you show up intentionally, even if you're not very expressive with how you feel about a woman, it's better to actually feel those feelings and be authentic and genuinely care about her and show it through action. You don't have to necessarily tell her you love her every five seconds and mean it instead of being verbally, you know, love bombed instead of having someone tell you all these things that they don't mean.

Of course, there can be a balance of both and you could find both in a partner 100%. But comparatively, what I've noticed, these are the biggest things where now that I'm more healed and secure with myself, I don't need to hear, I love you, baby, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me every five minutes. Whereas when I was insecure and I didn't love myself, I needed to ask my boyfriends every three seconds, do you love me?

Do you love me? Like that was such a big question in my last relationship. I'm like, do you actually love me? Do you actually care about me? Why did I have to ask those things? Because I didn't feel that security. Whereas with other people here that I've dated, and I wasn't even in a serious relationship with them,

I didn't have to ask that 24 seven because I felt the security without them needing to verbalize it. Does that make sense? So it's just really fascinating to me. Like thinking about all these differences. I hope this episode is going to be entertaining slash informative for you guys. But also once again, this is just my reality. This is the world that I'm living in. You could perceive

the dating culture between America and England entirely differently. The reason I love London so much and the UK is because it feels less superficial. America is just so driven by superficiality and like follower count and business deals and numbers and how many followers you have on Instagram and what you're doing on TikTok and what you're posting. And a lot of the world that I'm in, I think this is also because I live in the world

of social media and I've been doing this for over 15 years. I feel like people choose to be your friend if you can offer them something of value in terms of either like your audience, your presence, who you are as a person and how you've branded yourself. If you've branded yourself as someone who's friends with a lot of famous people, people respect you more. If you brand yourself as someone, you have like 10 million followers on TikTok,

you're instantly going to have other people's respect. Whereas here, no one gives a fuck about that, okay? People care in the sense of obviously for work purposes, it's good to have a social media platform, it's good to have a following, but no one's going to judge you and want to be your friends solely based off of that. I really do see the differences. Here I feel so much more respected and valued as a person for who I truly am as a woman and not just as some girl with a podcast or some girl that has this social media brand. Because in my eyes, as I've healed myself and as I've learned

to love myself, I really take pride in my character and my values and who I am as a human being on a soul level. And I want people to see that. I don't want people to look at me as, oh, this girl with a huge podcast and this girl with a million followers on Instagram and this girl working with all these brands. Although that's well and good

and I love what I do for work more than anything, I think I function best and I feel my best when I'm around people that see me at a soul level, not on a superficial level. And that's also why I've been so reluctant to have guests on the podcast that have reached out to me because I'm very protective of my authenticity as a person. If I don't know you on a personal level, it's hard for me to just agree to say, okay, just come on my podcast because I pride myself on being so authentic in who I am and in my truth

that I don't want to just have people on to look a certain way or to appear a certain way or to validate my brand more, even though maybe it could help my numbers, maybe it could help me further along in my career. I wanna make sure that the people that I bring onto date yourself instead very soon are authentically aligned with who I am.

And I think here I'm starting to meet a lot of women who see me for me, and they're not using me for anything career-wise. If I collaborate with them, I know it's coming from a place of heart and soul and not ego and money. Whereas in New York, I think a lot of people were reaching out to me, especially when the podcast was charting, like right under Joe Rogan, not to like flex myself, but it was like almost number one on Spotify.

This summer that I really started marketing it and pushing it, I got so many people DMing me, emailing me, asking me, oh, can I be on the podcast? It would be such a good collaboration. I'm like, I've never spoken a word to you in my life. And there were people that were really rude to me in the industry that didn't give a fuck about me. And then all of a sudden messaging me,

hey, I would love to be on your podcast. I appreciate the hustle, but for me, it just felt icky because I'm really big on authentic relationships. If I don't like someone, I'm not gonna waste my time and collaborate with them. It's just not gonna happen. And I think people can see through the bullshit. I think people could see through, you know,

superficial relationships nowadays more than ever. And they're like, oh, that person's just partnering with that person and collaborating with that person because they're benefiting from each other. I just can't operate like that. It's not who I am. I wish sometimes I could be fake because maybe it would get me further in my career, but I truly believe long-term I'm doing the right thing for the brand and for myself. And that's just the truth. So with, I guess

I went on a little bit of a tangent here, but it kind of ties into dating in the sense of, with British men, if I were to show them my platform and what I do, I don't think any of them have even really listened to my podcast. None of the guys that I've seen here, that I've spoken to, if I say, oh, I have this podcast in the US and it's really big there, whatever, if I said something like that, which I think it's come up in conversation

a couple of times on my dates, they're like, oh, cool, case closed, end of conversation. They're not looking for anything. They're not seeking anything out of me. It's so clear that they respect what I do, but they don't really care in the sense of like, they have their own thing, they have their own job, their own career, and once again, there's not as much superficial energy around who you are,

what your status is. I think when I would tell people, the guys that I ended up dating in New York about what I do for work, there was this, it's kind of sad to say, but a little bit of an ulterior motive because they saw that I could offer them something more than just who I am, like my lifestyle, because I was very independent, traveling the world for free, making content for hotels, and I lived this very glamorous lifestyle. So I think a lot of guys wanted to kind of,

as my dad would say, my dad is very observant, and my dad is super intelligent when it comes to the way a man thinks. And he would give me the feedback in my ear that I used to ignore, and now I take it. But back in the day, when I was trying to see the good in everyone, he was like, he's trying to ride your coattails. He always use that expression. He's riding your coattails. I think it's so funny because it's such like an old, it's like such a dad thing to say. But looking back, that's what it was. Any

guy that I that ended up knowing what I did for work, they would act the part of like, oh, that's cool. That's cool. But deep down, I even knew in my gut that they were also there for that reason. So I've become more protective of myself in that way. I don't want to show all my cards right away to every single person that I'm newly dating now, because there is a little fear like, oh, if they know what I do, are they going to perceive me differently? like, oh, if they know what I do, are they going to perceive me differently? Or are they going to, you know, judge me for it? Or are they going to listen to all my episodes and try to like manipulate me based on what they think I

want to hear, whatever? There's always this little thing. But at the same time, I am trusting more than ever that the right man, as I said, I'll just know, and he'll respect my career, and he'll admire what I do, and he'll want to see me shine and grow my business and take on the world. But he has his own life. He has his own career. He has his own path. He has his own dreams and his own ambitions. And we just come together and we build an empire as a couple together, but respectively have our own things going on. And from what I've experienced, and I'm not saying, you know, my husband's British or he's American, I don't know.

But I will say, I think there's a different level of safety or security I feel being here in London because no one really gives a shit about what I do or who I am as far as my career. People are more interested in getting to know you. The next thing is, for so many years, I had normalized this idea of a man just approaching me right away, blowing up my phone, flirting with me. And I would interpret that as he is in love with me because it made me feel good in the moment but as I've healed once again my entire

perception has changed on what love should look like. I think it should be steady, calm, just build over time. That's a green flag to me if someone's looking to slowly build your trust and earn your trust and come into your life with a certain type of ease and grace versus rushing and flooring it. There's such a difference between those two energies and I think overall American men have been more bold in the sense of like they will floor it and British men are way more subtle about their intentions and they're not quick to just jump on something

just because in their mind they might like you, but they're not going to push you into anything right away, right off the bat. And I think this also attributes a lot to how independent the dating culture is here versus America. I think America in general as a whole talks a lot about emotions and feelings and codependency and all that stuff.

Whereas like here it's like people are just very independent. There's this different sense of independence where even the women I've spoken to who have gone through so many crazy things, you could tell they're still standing in their power and strong. I think this issue of like being overly emotional and codependent on someone else, I do feel like it's more of an issue in America. And maybe that's just my opinion,

but I do see this sense of like people losing their worth really quickly over a relationship or giving their power to a man way more in American culture. But you can also correct me if I'm wrong. Send me a message. If you have any feedback or if you agree, you've also seen these differences.

I would love to just hear your opinions. I think this episode is gonna be split where a lot of people are gonna be like, I don't agree. And then there might be a lot of people who say, I actually do agree, and I actually have experienced something very similar. I'm very curious. This episode isn't really to say anything is right

one way or another, but I just really wanted to talk about it, because I think my perception is this. And I'm curious if you think it's true, if there's truth to it, if you agree with it, and what your experiences are in dating Americans versus British people, if you have also had that experience. Okay, the last thing I'll say is the communication

between American men and British men is so different. I think American men are more, they are more direct, and I think they'll make it clear right away if they really, really like you. And if they do like you, that is if they do like you, I think American men are more, they are more direct and I think they'll make it clear right away if they really, really like you. And if they do like you, that is if they do like you, they'll make it known, you know, whereas British men are very subtle,

but there's just a lot of banter. I think if you're a sarcastic person and you like sarcastic humor, a lot of the conversations here, it's banter back and forth, it's joking, it's teasing, it's more humor-based and light versus deep. And I think because I'm so deep, I like that because it brings me out of my spiraling.

It brings me out of the depths of my being. I need someone that I could go back and forth with and be silly with and have fun with because most of the time in my work, if I'm helping people through breakups, if I'm, you know, healing other people, it's a lot of deep energy work and a lot of feelings and a lot of emotion. So to have that balance for me in a partner where someone's lighter and not as emotional, it really helps regulate me.

Whereas all the American, oh my God, I feel so bad saying this, like watch, like my husband ends up being American. I don't even know. My boyfriends would be so emotional. They would also be so emotional that it would make me more emotional and it would dysregulate my nervous system. So I would end up not being able to get anything in my life accomplished because I was always so in my feels as I've gotten older and as I've matured and become wiser and more grounded in my energy.

I know that I need someone that's going to make me laugh a lot and that is more emotionally contained and reserved because it will help me focus more on my purpose and keep me regulated. That's the biggest thing. You could have your women friends to be emotional with, to be vulnerable with, whatever. Of course, I want a man that can hold space for me emotionally, that can read my emotions, that can take care of me emotionally,

and be emotionally aware and intelligent. That's obviously a deal breaker for me. But I need him to be less emotional than me. That's just something for me that I think would hold me and hold the space for me in my life as I'm building my business and whatever, you know? So yeah, okay. Now I could probably go on and on and on about this, but I want to get into the next part of the episode because I want to cover this concept of when people show you who they are, believe them. Okay, now this is coming from the date I just had.

And listen, there was nothing that I'm going to say that was negative or bad or anything like that, okay? But there were some red flags and it was only one day. So it's fine. But instead of justifying anything, I just accepted it for what it was and I took it at face value right away. So I don't wanna get into all the red flags that I saw,

but there were several where I felt like if I were to continue seeing this person, it would probably be a messy dynamic because they had a lot going on in their life. I am very at peace currently in my self-love journey and just right now in my life it feels very calm and peaceful. And I just wouldn't be willing to take on any sort of drama or baggage to be completely honest. It's unfortunate because I always, as I said, see the good in everyone. But for me, at the stage of my life, I know what I'm looking for. I'm very clear on what I deserve. I felt like this person just came with a lot and it overwhelmed

me when I thought about a future. Now to go on one or two dates is probably harmless, but I'm being very intentional about whom dating and I'm just like, okay, long term, is this going to make sense for me? Probably not. And I had to be honest with myself. I was super honest with him about it too, and I told him, like, I just don't, I don't think we'd be compatible long-term.

And it sucks because, you know, when you find someone interesting and you find someone attractive, you can just look at those things and be like, oh, let's see where it goes and give it a shot. But I'm just in a place in my life where I can't even like go in that direction because as I said, I'm being very intentional and I know in my soul that it just, it just couldn't work.

So yeah, that was the experience I had. And it got me thinking of this concept of when people show you who they are and they tell you who they are, you have to just take it at face value and believe them. It's not always the easiest decision to make to walk away very early on, but it will save you a lot of energy and time long-term. And a lot of what I tell people now is that I'm thinking long-term about my relationships,

about the people I surround myself with in general, my friendships, about my work, about where I'm taking the brand. Everything is a long-term decision for me. It's very, very intentional. I'm getting very grounded in who I am this year and every decision I make moving forward, there's an intention behind it. So that was a big thing for me that I learned recently, I guess, going on the state and seeing, that I learned recently, I guess, going on this date and seeing, you know, some good things about this person. And you see that there is some sort of chemistry

and you want to give it a shot. But when you have an inner voice that's saying long-term, it just probably wouldn't work, you have to honor that. I mean, I have to honor that. It's hard for me these days to go with the flow. And I used to, but it wouldn't ever get me anywhere long term, successfully. So I'm trying to kind of like rebuild who I am

and just honor that sometimes it's fun to just go on dates and live in the moment and enjoy yourself with another person. But if you are looking for the real deal, if you are looking for the love of your life, your soul mate, you have to get intentional with your energy and who you're giving your time to and making sure you're not leaking your energy

towards people that are almost what you want, but they're not what you want, right? I think that was an eye-opening experience for me because there were some qualities that were what I wanted, but then there were situational things that I knew I didn't want. So it was an interesting situation. I'm grateful for every experience that I have and so be it.

It was something else that I had to go through and had to reflect on and just let it be that. I think a really big thing for me is energy too, because someone can ask you and be like, why didn't you like this person or why didn't you like this person? Or why didn't you give this guy a second chance? A lot of the times I used to feel like I had to come up with all these reasons, like, oh, because of this, because of that, but in reality, a lot of it just comes down to a feeling.

And that feeling is how you feel around that person. And energy never lies, right? Energy is what we feel between us and another person. If something feels even slightly off, that's enough of a reason to not pursue it. That's something that I've been honoring more and more in every aspect of my life, in every relationship that I've been through. It's so important to tap more into that energy state and understand that like, so important to tap into how you feel around someone else.

And this could apply to any different type of relationship. As I've become more grounded in my energy, it's so much easier for me to know if something feels off. And I don't convince myself out of that feeling anymore. Whereas in the past, I used to do that where I'd be like, ah, it felt a little weird, but felt a little off,

but maybe I'll give it one more go. Maybe I'll give it one more try. I really just don't do that anymore because I know that as a woman, if you're very in tune with your body and your psychic energy and your intuition, there doesn't have to be some grand reason why you don't want to see someone again, or why you don't like someone or whatever it is. If it's just a feeling, you can honor that feeling and that's okay. Now I'm honoring that more than ever. I don't feel the need to explain it either. If it's just a feeling, it's just a feeling and that feeling 99% of the time is

accurate. Even if you don't physically in the 3D know what the reasoning behind why you're making the decision is and you're like, I don't know why but I just feel like something's off, that's enough. You don't have to proceed any further. That's enough, okay? So that's something that I'm really big on now. The other thing is signs. If someone keeps getting blocked, if something or situation keeps getting blocked, or things keep canceling or not working out, or you keep trying to see someone and they're disappearing on you, whatever it is, God is sending you signs, point blank.

You can ignore the signs, you can convince yourself out of the signs, but sometimes these are signs, and sometimes they're not. There was an episode I made where I was like, fuck the signs, blah, blah, blah. Because I think sometimes we look for signs that are actually not, or we look at the signs and we convince ourselves that they're like,

you know, oh my God, this man's the love of my life because X, Y, Z. When you know deep down there's something off, but then there's other times when things are blocked or when things are not going in a certain direction that you thought they were gonna go in. Those are messages to either redirect course, to change course, or that person isn't aligned

for your highest good. You get the point. Sometimes it's like in your face obvious. There was this person that I was trying to see for months and it was just like impossible to meet up. It kept getting blocked, and I was like, this is weird. It's getting weird at this point. Obviously, we shouldn't be meeting up.

And that's how I felt. If it's taking months to plan a simple coffee, it's just something about that is a little bit strange. You know what I mean? So for me, it could have been bad timing, whatever, everything happens in divine timing, but I do feel, if you feel like something's off and then things keep getting blocked,

don't ignore the warning signs that God is sending you, because there usually will be signs and we tend to just ignore them because we want what we want and we're stubborn about it. You can't always be stubborn about it because you're being divinely protected and you're being divinely guided at all times. That's the honest truth.

It's actually really interesting. Now, this might be a little controversial statement, but looking back at every single man that I've gotten into a relationship with, I actually think there is truth to this statement, okay? Hear me out, because this is the last thing I'm gonna end the episode with. People teach you how they love you

or how they will love you in the first 10 minutes of interacting with them. People will teach you how they will love you in the first 10 minutes of interacting with them. How someone will make you feel in the first 10 minutes of knowing them is often how they're going to make you feel for the rest of time. Now, I know that's like a very bold statement to make, but let me explain, and you can agree

with me or disagree with me, because there are obviously exceptions to this. If someone does this massive spiritual awakening and they change and they heal and then they become a better husband, father, whatever. But if I think back to every single man that I've interacted with or person, okay, I knew right away if I felt safe or if I felt good, if I felt happy and alive around them and like my truest self right away. I knew right away if it was gonna be a safe space. Whereas when it was wrong, my nervous system was triggered.

I just remember every single guy that I ended up in a relationship with, the first time I met them, I was like, eh, eh, mm-mm, no, no, no. And they persuaded me into being with them through their charm, through actions, what they would do. Like, my ex, he used to send me a black car and pick me up and take me to dinner

and, you know, get me wine drunk, and I just loved all these things. But I remember the first time I met him, my body said no, my nervous system said no. And then over time, he built my trust. And it eventually went from a no to a maybe to a yes. But think about what I just said, okay, people will show you how they will love you in the first 10 minutes. Or you'll know if something will work with someone in the first 10 minutes of knowing them. So if you feel unsafe

the first time you're interacting with someone or you feel like you're running away from them or you feel like... I think there is some truth to this. Now, as I said, there are exceptions to this and you may not agree with this at all. You may not resonate with this part of the episode, but I know that the right people in my life that are still here in my life, I felt safe with them immediately.

And I just kind of was like, oh, I feel myself around this person. I feel good around this person. I feel aligned with them. And those relationships have really stuck it out. I'm still friends with all those people. I still have all those people in my life. Whereas everyone that I felt a little weird about right away, they don't have any part of my life anymore.

And, you know, it's a pretty bold statement to make because I think it is situational sometimes, but I think if you're a very tapped-in, intuitive, spiritual being, if someone makes you feel uneasy right away, that's saying something because you feel people's energy pretty easily. And for me, I feel people's energy so much. I think the word is, my friend was telling me about this, clairsentient. I think when you are just so tapped in that you're psychic through your body, I'm extremely

psychic through sensation and my physical body. So if someone's around me that isn't right for me, I start getting really bad anxiety and I start getting a stomach ache or I start literally wanting to leave the situation or I get really, really, really tired instantly. I could be in the best mood and high energy. And if someone comes into my field that isn't aligned with me, my energy levels will significantly drop in like two seconds. So yeah, I think it's really fascinating because it feels a little bit like a spiritual superpower

to create better boundaries, which is something that I've been tapping into even more. It's helped me so much in my relationships and my friendships and who I keep around and who I don't because it's just a feeling in my body. So yeah, anyways, with that being said, I'll conclude the episode with this, okay? When you stand in your truth and you are truly aligned with who you are, you'll know whether to keep someone around or not.

And you'll know if you're supposed to see someone again or not. And you'll know all these things because you're so in your truth and you're standing in who you truly are. Every time you waver from your standards and your boundaries, you're sending a signal to the universe that you don't know who you are and you're not being truthful with who you are. Every time you waver from what you really want,

you're communicating to the universe, I don't really know what I stand for or who I am and I don't know what my boundaries are. So I always tell people when you're intentionally dating and also when you are getting to know someone, if you feel like they're convincing you out of your truth or you feel like you're starting to change who you are, you have to change pieces of who you are

to accommodate them, to make them like you, no, just no, okay? That's something I live by now. I know what I want, I know what I'm looking for, and I'm not gonna waver from that. So unless you're that, it's just not gonna work. And that's another big reason why I walked away from this person that I went on a date with,

because although he checked some boxes, I just know my truth, and I won't be able to waver from that unless he drastically changed a lot of things about himself, which I don't want to change anyone either. So there you go. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you so, so, so much as always for listening to the podcast.

It means the world to me. All the comments on Spotify, all the shares on Instagram, on your stories, all the DMs I get. Everything is so appreciated. If you haven't already, be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. Leave me a comment on Spotify if you enjoyed this episode. If you have any opinions about it,

I'm open to hearing everything. I feel so connected to this community and I'm very, very grateful. I hope you guys have an amazing, amazing day. Thank you again, as always, for listening. Remember to also follow the podcast on Spotify to help the show grow. It really does help. And the YouTube channel is

getting rebooted again very soon. So stay tuned for that. Very exciting. I love you guys. Thanks again and stay tuned for next Monday.