Date Yourself Instead - needing nothing gave me everything.

Episode Date: September 20, 2026

The second you stop needing things to happen, everything changes.In this video, I’m talking about the power of needing nothing—from relationships, validation, career wins, timelines, or other people. I share what I’ve learned from chasing things I thought would finally make me happy, walking away from relationships and friendships, and realizing that real power comes from knowing I’ll be okay either way.xxLyssall inquiries - [e-mail]

Needing nothing is the most powerful thing in the world and going into the fall, going into the cozy season of 2026, we are locking in to our higher self. Once you understand this concept of not needing anything to complete you, to make you feel whole and worthy and love yourself and make you truly happy, your entire external reality, your entire world is going to change drastically. And I know this for a fact because this happens. to me. Over the last few weeks, my world has shifted and the way I love myself and I'm showing up for myself is so much healthier and so much more stable and peaceful. And I knew I needed to share this information with you guys because it is the biggest game changer. I'm going to tell you everything that I've learned. The fastest way to lose your power is for you desperately needing something outside of yourself to happen. If you're constantly on edge, always looking for the next

thing, always looking for someone to text you back, always looking for the next relationship, always looking for the next plan, always looking for the next opportunity to jump at you, you were actually leaking your power more than ever. If you need someone to validate your existence, that person owns your attention. If you need a certain career opportunity to feel worthy, that means you are outsourcing your power to something outside of yourself, which means if it doesn't work out, you're going to be miserable. Anything that you desperately need, eventually starts to own you and your personality and your identity. This has happened to me several times, whether it be from a guy, from a career opportunity that I didn't get, that I really had wanted,

and it didn't work out the way that I thought it would. From friendships where I thought I was going to be best friends with this person and then things fell apart. I used to let those things dictate my mood and dictate my emotions and how I felt about myself. I was trying so hard to get everything and to achieve everything and to accomplish everything and to reach the top of every freaking mountain I could climb, only to realize that at the top, the view is always the same. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean, once you get to the top, you still feel the same and you still feel that empty feeling where you always need more unless you master yourself and you master yourself love. It took me years and years all through my 20s, even though I feel like I'm kind of looking younger lately. I

I don't know what's going on here, but I feel like in my 30s now. I don't feel like I'm in my 30s, but I am. I feel like now I finally realized what I was missing all along, which was mastering being happy with nothing. Instead of needing everything, I was trying so hard to get everything so I could need nothing. Meaning I was like, okay, if I get the job, if I make the certain amount of money,

if I get married, I'm not going to need anything anymore and I'm going to be happy. when in reality that is so backwards. The real power move is not needing anything before you start, before you achieve. Because then you go into it with this grounded, calm confidence in yourself that no matter what happens, no matter what the end result is, you're still at peace and you still love yourself and you still feel worthy and whole no matter what. So if something doesn't work in your favor, you're just like, okay, it's the universe's protection. There's something better. There's something better for me.

and you're not so stressed and you're not always working from like stress mode and pressure mode. If I could give you any piece of knowledge or advice that I've acquired from living so many different lives, the real power is in needing nothing first. Because once you master happiness without needing anything else to complete you, the world is your oyster. You could literally do anything. You could be anything. You can create anything.

And you feel so much lighter and more free from within at all times. and you're not phased if something doesn't work out. You're not afraid to fail. You're not afraid to take risks because you're happy no matter what. Think about the last time you desperately needed something or you wanted something. It creates a particular energy. As we know, everything is energy in this world. The universe feels your needy energy.

It's not going to give you the results that you want when you're coming from a place of lack and scarcity and desperation at all freaking times, okay? This is something that I had to master about myself. It's easy to want and to need and to feel like if I don't get this, my life isn't complete. If I don't get this, my backs up against the wall, I'm going to fail and something bad's going to happen. The thing is, when we come from this needy energy and you need someone else's approval, or you need money, or you need a relationship, or you need that person to email you right away, or you need everyone to understand you. What ends up happening is you put yourself into such a box and you put your energy in like an actual cage. So you're only limiting yourself and your brain and what you're seeing in your reality to that one specific outcome.

You box yourself in and you chain yourself into this reality. That's most likely not even the best outcome you could possibly get. You might be chaining yourself to a situation or a person right now. That's not even the right person for you. but because you're so desperate and you're coming from such a needy energy, you think this is the only person. You think, oh my God, if it's not this person, I'm never going to meet anyone else. If it's not this person, I'm never going to have a relationship ever again.

This is the one soulmate that the universe has given to me. This is my one and only shot at love. That is only because that's the story you're telling yourself, because you're coming from a place of lack. But if you learn how to regulate your nervous system and rewire that, you'll understand that the universe is infinitely abundant. And I'm going to give you a quick story time, an example of this. When I came out of my last relationship, which was about four years long total,

like we were on and off for a bit. But it was a four year stretch. And when you come out of a long relationship, sometimes you feel like that's it. Especially when you're past the age of 30, you're like, I'm cooked. I don't know if I'm ever going to be in like a healthy normal relationship ever again. It's easy to get in that mentality when you come out of a situation that was toxic and you just feel like you're not yourself. For the longest period of time, I limited my

vision to that mindset because I was hurting. Our brain likes to cling onto safe thinking. It actually felt safer for me to believe that I should just like focus on myself and like relationships are always going to be off the table. What ended up happening was I locked myself in a cage of that mindset for so long without even realizing it. And it got to the point where whenever I would try to date, it was like survival mode activated. I was like, if I don't like this person, like, I'm never doing this again, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I would go on dates and then immediately shut down if it wasn't a match. And I'd be like, this is why I don't date.

And this is what a lot of people do in this day and age. It's like dating sucks and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. After I learned how to regulate my nervous system and I started really actually healing on a deep level, I realized where I had been going wrong all a lot. needing things to work out a certain way in a certain given amount of time, it's repelling the best reality for you because you're locking yourself in and you're caging your energy into if this doesn't work out, blah, blah, blah. And you get into this mindset that's only going to attract more of what you're telling yourself and more of what you're feeling. After I broke out of that

box and I really started to heal, I was like, of course I want love and of course I want to be in a healthy, happy relationship. But that's going to happen when I'm happy within myself. I'm not needing things to work out a certain way or writing everything I want down on a piece of paper and like staring at it 24-7 or trying to manifest. I think manifestation has become so crazy in this day and age. People have overused this concept and spoken about it in a way that actually makes it harder to manifest because you're always obsessing about the outcome. because you're like, I have to manifest this. I have to manifest this. Manifestation is literally you just living in the moment and being happy and setting an intention for literally one second

and moving on and carrying on with your life. And you don't think about it. You just don't think about it every second of every day. You set the intention, you let it go and you live your life and you work on making yourself happy, feel good, you focus on the things that bring you joy. Then the manifestations come in at the right time. Manifestation isn't about obsessing over what you want and praying to God that you're going to get it. What ends up happening when you do that is you're just communicating that I don't have it and I'm in lack and I'm not happy without this thing. That's what you're telling the universe. So you're never going to get it that way. That's why when you hear those stories like the second I didn't want it, the second I let go, that's why everything shifts because you don't need it anymore. Nine times out of 10,

manifestations occur when you have no desire for what you're trying to manifest anymore or just feels so natural to your being that you expected it you just have a knowing and it's not an asking for it's not a neediness it's not a needing it's a totally different vibrational energy so here are some tips i can give you to stop needing and just live your life and be present and be focused Number one is get off your phone if you're not really doing anything productive. That's the biggest piece of advice I have that I started with when I was really healing and just working on not needing anything to validate me. Get off your phone and do something productive with your life, whether it be creative, whether it be going for a walk and listening to a good podcast, listening to my podcast. It's called List on Spotify.

If you want to go check that out, I have hundreds of episodes on there. stop checking whether people have messaged you, stop checking your Instagram DMs every three seconds, stop watching people's stories, stop looking to see if they viewed your story, stop giving your power away so freely to the external. And a lot of that comes with being on your phone. My whole life has been online and I've built multiple businesses online and I'm so grateful for those opportunities. But there's a time and place to use your phone. And it's for the important stuff, especially if you're trying to lock in and work on yourself, try to limit the amount of time you're scrolling and you're engaging with people on your phone. The next thing is,

stop explaining yourself to everyone. If you need to focus on yourself, and this is a season of your life where you want to improve your life, and you want to create a better routine for yourself, less phone, more gym time, better healthy habits for yourself, whatever that looks like to you. I know for me, I cut out gluten recently. I've been going on longer walks. I've been getting my steps in. And I've been working on my mental health. There could be so many things that you choose to do with your time to work on yourself and build your future self versus leaking your energy back into situations that aren't serving you or leaking your energy into people and relationships that aren't serving you.

Stop trying to convince people of your value and your worth and pour all of that energy into yourself, knowing you are worthy, knowing you are deserving of someone who sees your value from the get-go. You don't need to prove your worth to someone or try to make someone see your value. I cringe looking back at some of the things I used to do. There was a guy that I was intimate with, whatever, we're getting real honest on this video. He ran away and disappeared. I really wanted to know what happened. So I asked him, looking back, the answer was in the disappearing. He gave me an answer, but I still didn't even feel good about it because I knew it was a lie.

And I was like, the highest version of myself didn't even need that conversation. The answers are in the actions. You don't need to try to win someone over or get their approval or seek their validation. if they're not giving you what you know you deserve in your heart and they're not appreciating your worth now, you don't need to convince them how to do that or you don't need to have a conversation about it. You know who you are. You walk away with your head held high and grace and you're like, listen, that's not my person. And that was the universe making that clear to me.

Point blank. It's done. I love myself enough to know that although this happens to me, it doesn't define me and I can learn from the experience and move on. because that's unattractive. You have to get to that point with yourself where if something like that does happen, it's not going to rattle you and it's not going to shake you

because you know your worth. And you're not going to let anyone dictate how amazing you are. I'm not going to say I regret asking him what happened, but the version of me now would have just closed the door immediately. It doesn't matter because I love myself enough to understand where you stand.

The next piece of advice I have for you is creating before consuming, meaning you're creating a piece of art for yourself. You're doing something for you before you're out in the world, absorbing everyone else's stuff. I think consuming, depending on what you're consuming, can be really positive. It just depends on what and what you're consuming. If it's something artistic that inspires your creativity, perfect. If it's something that makes you feel happy, if it's content that's making you laugh, perfect. But a lot of the times we just consume content for the sake of addiction.

and cut it out. A lot of the content out there is not going to help you grow or feed your brain in any productive way. So I highly recommend getting clear on what you're consuming and stick to that. Also work on creating stuff for yourself to make yourself feel more confident and good and excited to work on something for you

and not always feeding into other people's stuff. The next thing is, what is one thing you can get excited about for yourself that's going to make you feel like you're doing big things in the world or you're making any type of impact that doesn't have to be big it could be something small but something that you just love that brings you joy that's about you build something or learn a new skill for me i'm going to start teaching myself how to play the piano and sing better because i'm going to be posting some music on this channel i songwrite i've had a archive of a million bagillion voice notes on my phone that have been locked away and that's

something that I'm working on right now that makes me happy. I'm going to build out a new masterclass that's really going to be helpful for me because everything that I create, I need, but I also know other people need. And that's like a win-win, right? That master class is going to be probably the best one I've ever created because I'm coming from a place of love, self-love, groundedness. And people can feel that. People can feel when you really, really love yourself, you know? So, you need something to build towards or a new skill to learn that will make you feel happy. The next thing is keep some things for yourself, keep some things private for yourself. You don't have to share every little activity and thing you're choosing to do with your life.

I used to call my parents 10 times a day and tell them every little update of my life. And like, I love my mom and dad. But it gets to a point where you're like, did they really need to know that I went grocery shopping 10 minutes ago? Did they really need to know that I'm going for a walk? No, they don't need to know every single little thing that I'm doing. I was just going through a season of my life where, like, I was a little bit lonely, right? Of course. Speak to your parents.

Speak to your family. Speak to your friends. But you don't need to update them on every single detail of your life. It's sometimes really nice to keep your energy in and preserve your energy and keep some things to yourself. It feels good to be a little bit mysterious for yourself. It just does. I started doing this and I just feel like it's protecting my energy and my peace more, which makes me feel good.

And the last thing is, maybe I'll make a part two of this video. Let me know if you liked this video and maybe I'll make another video. This is the biggest thing, okay? You have to be willing to lose what requires you to abandon yourself. You have to be willing to let go of anything or anyone or any environment or any situation or any career path that is draining your life force. That is not making you happy. Your happiness in this world is the biggest priority. If you're miserable, make that change.

Make that change. Trust your intuition. Trust your gut. Listen to your higher self. Meditate on it. I mean, you don't have to make this overnight decision, but get serious about your future. Don't be afraid to walk away from the things that are draining you.

I'm the biggest believer in once you cut the cord and slam the door and walk away and really, really, really commit to walking away. the opportunities that are truly aligned for you, the people that are truly aligned for you, are going to come rushing into your reality. Once you are brave enough to walk away from everything that is not aligned with your future self, you are communicating to the universe, I'm ready. I'm ready to receive what I really know I deserve. And that's the most powerful thing.

And with that being said, that concludes today's video. How cute is my pumpkin mug, by the way? I'm actually obsessed with fall. As you could see, I'm giving all the fall vibes today. I kind of have a mug obsession. I also have a getting my nails done up session. I have a lot of other things that I'll share that I absolutely love. If you guys are interested in that type of content, too, let me know in the comments.

Have an amazing day. Happy fall, wherever you are. I mean, it's almost fall. It's still summer, but like, it's fall in my head. I love you guys. Stay tuned for future videos. Bye.