Date Yourself Instead - SEND THEM LOVE anyway - the ultimate healing guide

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Send them love. They need it the most. When someone hurts you, it can be easy to hate them - but what I've learned is that healing works from the inside out by becoming an energetic vessel of LOVE. JOIN DARE TO DETACH MASTERCLASS Doors open November 16th officially for all new members! We'd absolutely love to have you.

Send them love anyway. You might be saying, Liss, how would I send someone love that hurt me so fucking badly? How would I ever forgive someone for what they did to me? This person cheated on me, this person lied to me. This person betrayed me and broke my trust. I've been heartbroken for the last six months.

I can't pick myself up off the floor. How am I supposed to send someone love that did something like that to me? I don't want to send them love. I hate them. They're the worst person to ever exist. They ruin my life. Trust me, I get this feeling and I totally empathize and sympathize with you. I used to feel that way about a lot of people, especially the guys that have broken my heart. And that's normal. That's a completely valid feeling. Totally fine. People can do really shitty things and in turn hurt you, break your trust, make you feel

like you're worthless, make you feel like you are just lost in life because after a breakup you could just feel like you don't know where to turn and this person literally left you broken in a million pieces. But honestly, that doesn't mean you have to hate them forever. That doesn't mean you're always going to be hurt and in pain for the rest of your life. Maybe in the moment you're really hurting and you're like, this is never going to get better, but I promise you, it does. Time heals, healing yourself heals. And there are steps you can take to let go and forgive and send people love, even if

they've severely wronged you. What I've learned over the years and throughout my relationships is that love is such a powerful healing energy and it can overpower feelings of hurt, pain, anger, fear, anxiety. Love can override all of that. So in today's episode, I'm going to be talking about one of my favorite ways to properly heal a past relationship, or a situation ship, or an old friendship, or someone that has just really hurt you and wronged you and done you dirty, okay? This can apply to so many different situations. Someone that's broken your trust but trade you You know lied to you someone that was living a double life. You get the point today is gonna focus on really learning how to heal all of that But before I dive into today's episode, be sure to mark your calendars.

The Dare to Degache Masterclass doors are open again on November 16, 2023. And this is going to change your life. This class is the biggest game changer. I've been working on it for the last few months. We already have built such an amazing, powerful community in there. The October launch was so successful, it's so exciting. This is such a game changer, guys. If you really want to let go of the toxic bullshit in your life, if you really are looking

to become your best self for 2024, if you've been stuck on someone from the past and you feel blocked from your manifestations and from being truly happy, what are you waiting for? You have to join us on November 16th. The details are on my Instagram, at date yourself instead. Be sure to stay updated and the site is linked in my show notes. You could also grab my free, higher self meditation in the show notes as well. The meditation goes straight to your email and you can get started right away. And it's free, which is the best part.

So go grab it now and let's do this back to today's episode. I titled this episode, Send Them Love Anyway, because I was watching this YouTube video the other night by Brad Yates. He's an EFT coach. I used to do EFT therapy back in 2021 when I was going through the hardest part of my break up. EFT is also known as emotional freedom technique. That's what it stands for.

It's a self-help technique for managing your emotions and stress levels. You basically tap on these pressure points on your face and sometimes other parts of your body and at the same time you're redirecting your thoughts by saying positive affirmations out loud. So for example, you tap on your wrist and say, I am worthy, I am healing, etc. You get the point. So I was watching this video and doing a round of EFT tapping because I was a little anxious the other night.

And one of the things he kept saying was, send them love anyways. And as I kept saying this out loud, I immediately started to feel better. I started to feel like I was healing just by saying the words out loud. And then I started to reference a specific person in my mind who was causing me a ton of pain in the past. And I kept repeating this, I sent this person love, they were just doing the best they could. I sent this person love, they were just doing the best they could. And I kept repeating love, they were just doing the best they could. And I kept repeating that and it just felt like an immediate weight was lifted off my shoulders. So I decided to really focus on that mantra on today's episode, send them love anyways because it's such a powerful tool and it's such an affirmative, powerful

thought that can ultimately heal and ultimately change the way you see other people even if they've wronged you. People do the best they can with the tools that they have. Not everyone is going to be able to show up exactly the way you need them to. And I think that's an important first point to touch on today's episode. first point to touch on today's episode. If someone hurts you and abandons you or rejects you or leaves you or wrongs you, whatever it is, most of the reason often has to do with them and not you. It's not a reflection of who you are at all.

It has nothing to do with you. And oftentimes we feel like it does. Like maybe we weren't good enough to them or maybe we're not attractive enough for them or maybe we're just missing certain qualities that they need so we ultimately feel like we're not attractive enough for them, or maybe we're just missing certain qualities that they need so we ultimately feel like we're not good enough. But the truth is sometimes people just cannot show up for you

because they have their own shit going on and it literally has nothing to do with you. And we can't necessarily control that all the time. The only thing we can truly control is how we internally feel about it and how we can respond to it and react to it. And we associate this specific person often with feelings of love and we're attached to them emotionally.

So when they betray us, it could cause an unreasonable amount of pain where we're like, holy shit, this person really affected me, they really hurt me and I don't know how I'm going to get over this. However, this is a technique that I've started to use in my relationships that has changed the game for me. Everything is in your brain. Everything is in your thoughts. Your thoughts are ultimately leading to your emotions and how you feel. And if you think of it from this perspective, right, if this was someone that you weren't that close with

and they lied to you about something, for example, let's just say it's like your cousin, okay? You see your cousin a few times a year and they tell you, hey, I lied to you about a girl I hooked up with. You're not gonna associate that with any type of emotion or pain and you're not gonna really have

any emotional response or reaction because that is not directly affecting your life. It's your cousin, right? So you're like, okay, lie to me about hooking up with the girl, cool, great, move on. It's not really a big deal. It doesn't affect you directly. Fine.

But when we're actually attached to someone and romantically invested and involved, and we've built memories with them, and they say the same exact thing to you, hey, I lied to you about a girl I hooked up with, whatever it is, something that might trigger you, it's going to directly affect you because of the feeling and emotion and attachment you place on that person. So essentially the same thing happened in both scenarios, but because you associate memories, feelings, intimacy and thoughts towards one specific person and not the other, that is what changes everything. But at the end of the day, everything is just in the power of your own mind and in your own thoughts, and everything is essentially how your thoughts are wired around someone

else energetically. So the key is here, once you understand that your thoughts and emotions are making you feel the way that you feel about the situation, you can understand that you can also control how to pivot those thoughts and emotions and switch them from being angry and upset and betrayed to eventually feeling a sense of peace knowing that you did everything that you could possibly do. You know that you have an amazing heart, you know that you're a good person, you know that you showed up for them, and if they hurt you, that's on them and not you.

So eventually, by using the power of your own brain and your own thinking, you can redirect your thoughts and send this person love and move on knowing that you actually deserve better and you're going to find better. When it felt like I had been severely betrayed by a person that lied to me about a bunch of things, and that had essentially played me and was seeing other people. I was initially a mess, of course. I was heartbroken, and I was really upset because I felt rejected, and I felt like an idiot and a fool for believing so many lies. But then over time, I was able to shift my thoughts and attention to this concept of like, how could they do this to me? They're a horrible person.

And I shifted that into what they did is in a reflection of who I am. And I'm blessed that I could have this experience in order to grow and evolve and learn from it. I send them love. Send them love anyways. This redirection of thoughts changed my life. I was able to heal faster, I was able to move on faster, and I was able to ultimately feel better faster because instead of holding onto the anger and emotions that hurt me, I started focusing on positive emotions and I was able to let them go in a more reasonable amount of time. Of course, I cried my eyes out. It's normal to cry and have, you know,

emotions that feel like sadness and anxiety and frustration and fear when you're going through something like that initially, but eventually you're going to want to let those emotions go so you could properly heal. I obviously had days where I wasn't okay, but overall working towards the feeling of love and sending them love and being at true peace with myself, through therapy, meditation, exercise, and coaching, it helped me immensely to learn how to forgive people easily and detach easier. Once you redirect your thoughts to send someone love,

to send a person that really hurt you, love, and healing, and to recognize that you will find better people that will nourish you and appreciate healing and to recognize that you will find better people that will nourish you and appreciate you and love you, things just get so much easier and so much better. You also have to look at it as a redirection. Whenever you're feeling hurt, you have to understand that behind closed doors, the universe is conspiring to make your life better in the long term and to trust that you're being guided towards that and Telling yourself this narrative of you know, thank God. I'm being guided away from anyone who is incapable of showing up for me and treating me right? That is so powerful in itself

In the book the power of your subconscious mind It says in praying for another know that your healing and loving prayers can essentially change the negative patterns of the other subconscious mind and bring about wonderful results. Meaning, if you are sending someone love and healing, especially someone who's actually hurt you, you're actually really healing yourself at the same time. You truly deep down are sending them love. By sending them love, you are really just loving yourself more. That's what you're accomplishing. Because you're refusing to hold on to the hate, the anger, the frustration,

all those emotions that can create energetic blockages are being cleared out finally. And now you're finally left with a clean slate, a clean heart, and you could sleep better at night as well. So when you send someone love and healing prayers, their subconscious mind is going to receive it and reflect that back to you. And I know that's kind of a weird concept to understand and grasp at first, but I'll give you examples, okay? So there's been countless times where I've been wronged by someone, and then eventually, instead of hating on them, I'll choose to see them through the eyes of love and compassion versus fear, anxiety, anger, etc. And instead of getting mad at them,

I'd consciously redirect my energy towards them. Because at first when someone wrongs you or betrays your trust or whatever it is, your initial instant reaction is to be pissed off or angry or defensive and upset, right? But by flipping that script in your mind and saying, they're doing the best they can, just breathe it out and send them love, you can shift the entire dynamic of the relationship. So I'll give you an example that happened to me last year. There was someone that had been like really rude to me in the past and I knew them from work. I would see them out at events in the social media space. And this girl was just not nice to me. She gave off really condescending, weird energy and every

time I saw her, she would make a snarky comment about something that I was doing or she would point something out that was wrong with my outfit or She would just make a comment that made me feel small and in my head I feel like she didn't like me for whatever reason. I had no idea why and I started to create this bigger narrative of that in my mind All the time. Oh, this girl hates me. Now. I don't like her. She's a bitch Etc. And I would feel so uncomfortable if I was at an event and see her, I would freak out and panic internally because I did not want to interact with her. But over time after I learned about the subconscious mind and how powerful it is, I made this conscious

switch where I was like, okay, she might be bringing up some old insecurities to light here and she might be here to teach you more about yourself because obviously she's triggering something in you that you don't like. But let's see if you could change this. I gave myself a little challenge. I was like, let me see if I could switch up the energy and change this because this is uncomfortable and annoying. So I consciously told myself, she likes you and you like her, you get along, everything's fine, you guys are good friends. And I know that might sound a little weird, but I swear to God, after I started replaying the thoughts in my head that everything was fine with us and she was sweet and I liked her and she liked me, I swear to God it was like this incredible weight lifted off of my shoulders. And the next time I saw her at a dinner for work, everything had changed.

She was so sweet to me, she was so warm, she was so friendly and normal. Everything shifted energetically. I wasn't anxious, I wasn't stressed out about the interaction. Everything smoothed over like magic. And I knew it was not a coincidence. And I realized through that experience, I just used to have so much bitterness built up in my body without even realizing because I'd had that experience with other people in the past as well, where I would have this perception of them from the initial way that they treated

me, being like, okay, this person fucking hates me. So now I have to avoid them at all cost, or now it's going to be really uncomfortable every time I bump into them. But I realize that everyone is a reflection of how you feel internally about yourself. Some people will just bring your wounds to the surface so you could clear it out and heal your triggers. And when you understand that, you're going to be dying to uplevel and heal and feel good. And that's why I invest so heavily in self-care and taking good care of my mind, body, and soul now because everyone is reflecting back to you how you feel about them internally. So if you feel good about someone, they're going to show you

more of that. But if you feel unsure and weird about someone or angry towards someone, they're also going to show you that version of them. Does that make sense? I'm actually going to drop a little bit of recent tea in here, even though I wasn't planning on talking about this anytime soon, but it's very relevant to today's episode. There was a guy recently in my life who was treating me like I was an option. And he'd also probably deny it now if he heard this, he probably won't hear it, but if he did, I feel like you'd probably deny this. But from my perspective and from the experience that I had with him, I just felt like he wasn't respecting me. He was treating me like an option. I know that he wasn't making me feel like any sort of priority. It just wasn't making me feel good.

And if I were to confront him, I would say, you know, I don't like how you go days without replying to me. He would say, I was really busy. It's weird that you feel that way. We're not dating. And it was like this gap between us. I was like, I'm not I don't like how you go days without replying to me. He would say, I was really busy. It's weird that you feel that way. We're not dating. And it was like this gaslighting type of dynamic. It made me feel like I was asking for too much. And that could be hurtful.

If you feel like someone isn't giving you what you need and you're asking for a basic bare minimum type of thing, it's a rejection and it's hurtful. And I was just really frustrated to say the least. There were several other instances where I felt like the situation was not for me and it was not going in a positive direction. And in turn, he wasn't changing anything he was doing if I confronted him about it. Even though he would say, I'll change it. Let's fix this. I want to work on it. The same exact thing would happen. And I realized this pattern was not going away. If someone shows you who you are the first time, believe them, okay? And I have a podcast that literally talks all about this and being treated the right way versus the wrong way. And I was like, I'm a hypocrite right

now if I entertain this longer because why am I doing myself the disservice? I know better. I know way better and I should be honoring my truth and respecting myself by walking away. So eventually it had to come to an end and it ended on a really weird note where it just felt really messy. I kind of went off on him and I lost my shit. And usually it takes so much for me to lose my shit. Nowadays, I'm a very calm person, but I had been drinking a little bit. Tequila will really fuck you up. And he texted me at the wrong hour. And it just got really messy. And I was a little bit embarrassed because after the fact I was like, I probably shouldn't have went off like that because honestly it wasn't a true reflection of how I genuinely felt I probably said things I didn't even mean but I was just so frustrated in general because at the end of the day regardless of what I said regardless of what he said and how it ended. regardless of what he said and how it ended. I knew that I deserved more and I knew that I deserved better

and I didn't like the dynamic. I didn't like how it was being treated or how I felt. So it ended long story short, it ended, but I realized that instead of reaching back out to him and saying, you know, I'm sorry for how things ended, I was just gonna let my subconscious mind do the work. And I forgave myself for it. I forgave him with my own thoughts.

I was just like, you know what, I'm going to let this go. I forgive him. I forgive the situation. And I'm just going to move on and let it go because ultimately I knew I wasn't going to benefit from holding this weight in my brain or from reaching out again and maybe stirring something up again that didn't need to be stirred up. Instead, I just let it go within myself and internally. And it felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I was like, I forgive him, I forgive me. Let's leave it in the past. Let's leave it behind. All we have

now is the present and I'm just going to let it go. And it was so healing in itself to just send him love anyways. That's how you have to see everything. If you're really angry, if you're really upset, if you're frustrated, whatever it is, it could be a situation that's small like this or it could be a much bigger situation, but you don't necessarily need to communicate with someone verbally to have closure and to be able to wish them well from a distance. They can energetically feel it. I promise you. And once I truly just made peace with the situation, I just felt so much better and I know he's probably fine and probably doesn't give a shit. And it's fine.

You just move on, you let it go, but it feels good to be able to do that for yourself. And to be able to send someone love from a distance and know that they received it is such a reassuring, beautiful thought to have. When you're going through a healing process, you also have to understand that healing takes time so you need to be patient with yourself. Everything takes time, especially if you've been in a relationship with someone for years, if you were married, if you got divorced, if you were cheated on, these things are very painful and harder to get over, which I understand because you've built a life with someone. So be patient with yourself.

Don't compare yourself to anyone else's healing timeline. Understand that it's okay to be better written for weeks. It's okay to be sad and depressed. It's normal. You have to be very gentle with yourself. And a lot of what I discuss in my online master class stare to detach is exactly this. You have to forgive yourself. You have to be patient with who you are and take your time as you're healing in order to fully embrace what happened,

accept the past, and then you're able to detach and let it go and step into the highest most healed version of you. But you have to truly be patient with yourself. Don't try to rush or speed the healing process in a way that feels unnatural to you, because your emotions will catch up to you. It's normal to feel emotions. It's normal to cry.

It's normal to grieve. So let yourself go through that process first, okay? And then when you're ready to detach, and when you're actually consciously ready to say, you know what, I'm ready to step into my power, I'm ready to officially let all of this go, then you can take your life to the next level, then you could take your goals and dreams to the next level, and work towards manifesting a better, more empowered version of you.

That being said, I really recommend grabbing the course in November, the doors open November 16th, and we'll probably be running a little Thanksgiving Black Friday special, which is exciting, but I promise you guys I wouldn't steer you in the wrong direction. The Dare to Detach program, it was truly created by me, to help you recognize your worth step into your power and upgrade everything in your life to the point where you won't even recognize your past self. You'll learn how to let go in effective ways, you'll learn how to detach in effective ways. There's video lessons guided by me dedicated

to healing and rewiring your subconscious mind. There's a bunch of daily meditations in there, breathwork classes, instant access to the course. It's all delivered straight to your email. The second you download it. And the best part of all is the private group chat. I cannot emphasize this enough. All of our members who are already a part of the community are the best human beings ever. Nothing is a coincidence.

Everyone in that community has a golden heart. Like golden aura, you just feel the best vibes. Everyone is so supportive of one another. And I'm just so proud of the community we've built. And if you feel called to do this, I have a special code for you. Just for the podcast listeners, you could use the code self-love for $20 off. Stay updated on Instagram at date yourself instead for all the details,

and the website is also linked in the show notes. The doors open again November 16th. I'm so excited for you. And yeah, I cannot wait for you to join. It's gonna be amazing. And now back to the episode. As I mentioned earlier, I mentioned this in the beginning of the episode. EFT has also helped me towards healing and allowing people to not affect me,

like they used to affect me anymore. And it's also allowed myself to send love and send healing energy to the people who have hurt me, versus the energy where you're talking shit about them to your friends all day. When you're sending screenshots and saying, how the fuck is this person even talking me this way? Very relatable. Where you're talking negatively about that person. Overall, I promise you that will make things worse.

When you talk badly about someone and you shit on their character, even if they've wronged you, even if they're in the wrong, which is valid, it ultimately will make things worse for you because it energetically blocks you from healing. It energetically blocks you from feeling good. So I'm going to dive a little bit more into this so you can get a better idea of what EFT is really about because it really has changed my life. Here is the overall summary, which I pulled up from Google. EFT involves tapping on specific acupressure points on the body.

Tapping is done with your fingers, and it's a non-invasive process. So I mentioned this in the beginning of the episode, but it's basically like tapping on your far head or tapping on your wrist or tapping on other parts of your body, tapping on your head, whatever it is, as you're saying these positive affirmations that are essentially rewiring your subconscious mind and clearing out any negative emotions. The point of this is to restore balance to the energy system in your body, and when

you're tapping on these specific points and repeating positive affirmations, it's rewiring your brain. And a lot of this technique also allows you to acknowledge and accept your emotions and clear out things like anxiety, fear, anger, etc. I recommend doing this with a guide. I used to have an EFT coach. Now I do it on my own, but you could literally YouTube this as well. The channel is broad-yates that I use, and you can just clear out certain emotions by tapping on certain points of your body and saying really positive things. And even if it might not necessarily work for everyone, I ultimately think this technique will just calm your nervous system down if you're anxious, and it could help you focus

on something positive when you're going through a hard time. I think it's a good tool, regardless. Whatever it is you're struggling with, I think it's just a good tool. And it's really helped me to clear out a lot of emotions in my past. And if I feel stuck on someone, if I feel really hung up on a relationship or if I feel like I've been betrayed

and I can't seem to let those thoughts go, I definitely recommend tapping. Another thing is, which I've realized through my relationships. And it's hard to accept this fact. I really do believe that this is true. Everyone is your mirror. Everyone shows you a part of who you are.

So what does this mean? The concept of mirroring suggests that the dynamics you experience with others may reflect aspects of your own character or areas which you need growth and healing. It encourages empathy and understanding as you see others as mirrors of your own human experience. Now, I don't think this is always applicable, but I think a lot of the time this is true. We mirror.

Everyone in life is our mirror. Everyone in life is here to teach us something and teach us parts about ourselves that we haven't healed. My friend was actually telling me how her mom never said, I love you during their conversations. Her mom rarely expressed this idea of love in their relationship. And I was like, that's interesting because I also had a very similar experience growing up. I kind of felt that way about my own family dynamics growing up, where my household wasn't necessarily very emotional. I feel like there was always a lack of communication when it came to saying, I love you.

And those words are very powerful, especially when you're younger. I don't remember my parents ever saying, I love you, but I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I think I kind of related to her in that aspect, and she was telling me this, I'm like, same, yeah, whatever. We're discussing ways to heal and clear it out, and we're really having an open conversation about this. We're voice-doting each other back and forth,

and it was like this really productive, amazing healing conversation. I felt like we healed so much just over voice notes. And she was like, how can we heal our relationship with our moms? Because the mother is the root of who you are. Your mom gave birth to you, right? So energetically, you're always going to be tied to her in that sense. And we were talking about how your relationship with your mom can ultimately affect your

other relationships in life. So after we tapped together and did some healing, or I really tapped, and she probably tapped on it as well, but because we weren't together physically, but she texted me the other day. So my mom literally said, I love you when we got off the phone yesterday. And I'm like, what? That's fucking crazy. I was shocked, but not really. I was surprised, but I wasn't really surprised,

because I knew that we had healed it just by addressing it and talking about it, and clearing that energy out. And your subconscious mind is so fucking powerful that it knows exactly how to clear things out if you tell it to. So, for example, if you're hurting over someone that really hurt you and betrayed you and you're like this person fucking sucks sucks and they don't have good intentions, you're

shining more of a light on all of those bad qualities internally so it's going to show up for you that way and reflect back to you. But if you're focusing your mind on peace, love, kindness, warmth, trust, compassion. More of those qualities are gonna be reflected back in your reality. So it's really about what you focus on and what you choose to believe and how you're wiring your subconscious mind

and how you're training your subconscious mind. And I think this is so fascinating because I've noticed when I have sent people love and when I have actually wished them peace and love and happiness despite what they've done to me, those relationships have always worked themselves out and healed. And even if it didn't necessarily work out in the sense of, you know, I didn't get back together with that person, you know, I'm not dating them anymore, it didn't matter because I was so okay after I had healed myself and cleared out all of those negative emotions that I didn't necessarily need to be with this person anymore because I was truly healed and happy within and I attracted bigger and better

situations and people into my life after I had actually committed to healing and actually committed to internally healing and shifting my perspective of that relationship. And yeah, so I think that covers everything on today's episode. This is your reminder to send those people love. If you're hurting, if you're struggling, if you can't seem to shake something that someone has done to you, send them love anyways. you can't seem to shake something that someone has done to you. Send them love anyways. And with that being said, that concludes the episode. I love you.

Be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify. If you haven't, be sure to follow the podcast. And stay tuned for updates regarding the course. I love you. Be sure to send me a message on Instagram as well at lists or at date yourself instead. If you've been enjoying the podcast, I always love to hear your feedback

and any thoughts regarding the episodes. And if you have any episode requests or topics that you want me to talk about, you could drop them in my DM as well. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for next Monday.