Date Yourself Instead - Stop procrastinating, your future self needs you

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

Why do we procrastinate?  I was the queen of procrastination and I would always assume things would just happen for me, but YOU NEED TO take action to get results and become your best self. Stop putting shit off! ;) I love you. Much love. Xoxo, Lyss. JOIN DARE TO DETACH - DOORS OPEN NOV 11TH Use code "selflove" for a discount when you join us. DOORS OPEN NOVEMBER 11TH FOR ALL NEW MEMBERS. You can also stay updated on instagram @daretodetach for all things about the course.

How to stop procrastinating your dream life. Here we go. Hi, it's me. I'm the biggest procrastinator in the world. Literally, I am the queen of procrastination, or I was the queen of procrastination. And I would just always assume that if I thought of something and wrote it down and eventually, you know, it would just like manifest into my reality. I wouldn't have to live to finger and it would just take care of itself. But that's not always how it works. That's not always how it turns out. So I thought if I just wrote something down eventually, I'd be able to get it done in a reasonable amount of time.

But then I would just end up putting it off and keep putting it off and keep putting it off until eventually a week or so would go by and then two weeks would go by and then a month would pass. And then I would realize that everything I had written down for the month, I only got one or two of those tasks completed and I would feel like total crap. I would feel like garbage about myself because I'm like, shit, I was supposed to do 10 things on this list. I only accomplished one and a half of these things and what have I done for the last month and a half? What have I actually gotten accomplished in the last 30 days or so? And I would look back every 30 days and I'd be like, did I do anything

with my life? What's going on? What's flying? I was the type of person who would just let time pass for weeks at a time and nothing would get accomplished. And I'm going to be super honest with you guys. It's not a good feeling. And I think if you procrastinate or you procrastinate in the past, you probably understand this feeling as well. When you put everything to the last fucking minute, you don't get shit done, you probably understand this feeling as well. When you put everything to the last

fucking minute, you don't get shit done. You're not a go-getter and you're sitting on your ass drinking your oatmeal latte, reading a book, maybe going to the beach, doing something that would keep you in procrastination mode. And listen, it's nice to relax. It's nice to enjoy the good life. It's nice to have fun. And there's nothing wrong with doing any of those things either. Sometimes we need months of rest just to recharge. And I've definitely gone through periods of my time where I really didn't want to do shit with my life.

But it got to the point where it was really bad. And it was becoming so unproductive to the point where I was almost making myself depressed, I was making myself anxious for no reason at all, and I was stressing myself out on a constant daily basis because I wasn't allowing myself to take action or do anything with my life. And in today's episode, I'm going to talk to you about why you should not do that, and why procrastinating is really holding you back from living the life of your dreams and procrastination can hold you back

from creating the life that you truly want for yourself. But before I really dive into today's episode, I wanna mention my master class dare to detach for those of you who listen to my podcast every week, you're probably like shut the fuck up already. I heard about your master class. But no, guys, I swear this is something that is like my pride and joy because it's something that works.

It's something that I've worked on for months. It's something that has changed my life and I know it's going to change your life as well. And the feedback so far, our community is so amazing. All of the DMs I'm getting about the class are so positive. Everyone in the community is so uplifting. We're all in this together. The doors for the master class open this November 16th for all new members. This class is designed to help you recognize your worth.

Stop procrastinating. Step into your power and fucking upgrade everything in your life to the point where you become so unstoppable and so unrecognizable. You can expect to not only upgrade your life, but learn how to detach. Let go of the past quickly. You get video lessons from me dedicated to healing and rewiring your subconscious mind. You get some daily meditations every day, quantum leaping exercises to help you step into your higher self. You get instant access.

So the second you download this program, it goes straight to your inbox, you can start it right away. And the best part of all is the private group chat in my opinion, ran by me and with all of our members. There was a girl in the Daredeed detached community the other morning that said at the end of her course Her ex who would not speak to her reached out after she was done taking the program and they finally found healthy closure And she said it was the first productive

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Guaranteed, amazing things will happen for you. if you're interested in joining us follow dare to detach on Instagram It's also linked in the show notes The doors open November 16th for all new members. I'm so excited for you and for my podcast listeners right this down You can use the promo code self-love for $20 off the course. It's solely exclusive to the podcast listeners. I can't wait to see you there. We all can't wait to see you there. I love you. Remember, use code self-love for $20 off. If you decide to join us November 16th and stay tuned for updates on Instagram at Dare to Detach. Okay. Now let's get into today's episode. How to stop procrastinating your dream life?

Because you see the end goal. You see the end goal of where you want your life to be and you're like, I want to be rich, I want to be successful, I want to be a superstar, I want to tackle all of these tasks, but how the fuck do I even start? It could feel so impossible when you're not in the place in life that you truly want to be at. And you're looking at all these things you have to accomplish and you're like I don't even know where to start.

I don't know where to begin. Your head spinning. You're lost. Okay, that feeling of being lost because you're like, how do I even get to the top of my career when I'm feeling like I'm at the bottom. I've been there, I know the feeling, and on this episode, I'm really going to dive into procrastination and how you can stop procrastinating. Let's start by asking this question,

why do we procrastinate? Why do people procrastinate? What is the reason? Because we know it doesn't feel great, right? But we do it anyway. And after doing some research, I found some really interesting facts about procrastination and why we do it. So first of all, I'm sure everyone knows what procrastination means, but I'm just going to lay out the definition for you anyway. Procrastination is the act of delaying or postponing things that need to be accomplished big or small. I think a procrastination as an art of self-sabotage, because we really know deep down it's

going to benefit us if we just get it done. We know it's going to make us feel good, but we choose to not do it anyway. I actually really look up to an admire people who have this ability to just tackle things. The second it comes their way, one of my ex-boyfriends, he was an extremely organized person. His moon was in Virgo, if that means anything to anyone who's into astrology. He was so fucking organized, okay? He was a go-getter and he was able to tackle things immediately and I admired him so much for that.

I remember when I was dating him, I was like, wow, how the fuck do you just take action like that? In the moment, it's so inspiring to me. And it's something that I want to get better at. Whenever a certain task would come up, he would immediately do it no matter how big or small it was. It didn't matter if it was as simple as he ran out of fucking milk in his fridge and then he went on Amazon and ordered it right away or someone in his business sent

him a 50 page contract to look over and sign. He would read it and sign it that same day. He would just get everything done in real time in the moment and do everything he needed to do. And I saw how it helped his organization skills, and I saw how it just helped him be more confident and accomplish as a person. And he's a super confident person. And I remember just looking up to him and being like, wow, I wish I was more like you,

but I'm just someone who waits to the last minute to do everything. But it was inspiring. I'm the type of person who gets a contract and then I'll have it sitting in my inbox for two weeks rotting because it's 10 pages long maybe. And I'm like, oh, I'll just get to it later. And then later turns into a week and then two weeks.

And by the end of the month, the person who sent over the emails, like, hello, did you sign the contract? And I'm like, oh, right. And then I'll get it done. But it kind of feels shitty once I sign it, because I'm like, fuck, it took me three weeks to read this over. And I feel terrible. And I feel guilty. And I feel embarrassed in a way, because I'm like, this person was waiting on me. I can't get shit done. I don't know what's wrong with me. but it's common. A lot of people are like this. And if you're listening to this podcast episode,

you're probably the type of person who procrastinates because this is about how to stop procrastinating. Okay, so why is procrastination such a shitty thing? Some of the things I found online include, well, one, it increases your stress levels, which I just mentioned. As the deadline approaches, you have raging anxiety. You feel like total garbage because you know you should have done something and you haven't

done it. And your stress levels can go through the roof. I know mine have. You could also just feel less productive, which in turn makes you feel not so confident and good about yourself, which has happened to me many times. And you could also just feel guilty, like you could feel the sense of guilt all the time when you're carrying all this baggage around you, knowing you have to get shit done and you're just not doing it. It's this feeling of, oh, I have to do this, I have to do this.

And it will just eat at your core and eat at your soul. But you still don't do anything about it, right? Another thing I found online about the problem with procrastination is that it can reduce your productivity in general and also lower the quality of the work you're putting out into the world. So if you have a project you need to get done, if you have something important you need to accomplish and you keep delaying it and slowing down the process of getting it done, it might just be lower quality once you actually get it done because you're speeding everything up and you're trying to rush to get it accomplished at the last second. And that's happened to me with some podcast episodes, not going gonna lie, there's a few weeks where I forgot to record and then I would have to make up for it

and jam everything into one week and record like three episodes at a time. And I would be sick to my stomach like sweating in the podcast studio being like, fuck, I need to put this out. I'm so unorganized. And you know, it all turned out okay. I don't think anything any work I've put out has been horrible but there's been episodes where I put the mountain like I'm not happy with this I feel like I could have done a better job. I feel like I could have you know sent a better message and Organize what I had to say in a better way, but I just chose to procrastinate everything and Monday rolled around I'm like I have to put an episode out so So fuck, you know, it can make you feel shitty if you're not putting out your best work solely just because you were procrastinating it.

So basically what I'm saying is, there are two types of people in this world. There are people who get shit done. There are people who are go getters and they know in the moment, they're tackling the task. And then there are people who wait till the last minute. And you know, my goal in life, as I've got an older, is to become more like the person who gets it done in real time. And I have gotten better at it. And that's also why I wanted to talk about it today because I'm going to tell you ways and things and strategies that I've found helpful to stop procrastinating.

Ultimately, it feels way better and more rewarding and you feel so much better about yourself as a human being when you get everything done and you cross it off your list. And one of the biggest things I do now is I write everything down physically, not on my phone, but physically on a notepad. I bought myself a notepad that organizes my day and I physically cross off a task once it's done. With a pen, I bought myself some color gel pens from Amazon and then I physically cross every task

off once it's completed. And it feels so good. And I'm like, yes, I did this. I'm a boss. I got this. I'm in control of my life. And it does feel way better physically to write it down and cross it off in my opinion.

I used to procrastinate my schoolwork all the time as well, even looking back from years ago, I don't even know how I got by in my classes because I remember even for tests like I would procrastinate studying, I wouldn't open a book till the day before the test like the night before I would be cramming everything in and I would just wait to the last second to prepare mentally for anything that was to come the next day in my classes. And I remember I would just wait to the last second to prepare, mentally, for anything that was to come the next day in my classes. And I remember I would have these intense exams that I would have to prep for and study

for, and I wouldn't do it. I would do everything but that. I would circle around it and make sure I waited to the last possible second to study. And then I would make myself sick about it. The night before I would be having a heart attack and a mental breakdown because my cortisol was skyrocketing through the roof because my stress was so high.

And I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna pass this test. I don't know how I'm going to walk into this lecture hall and know what the fuck's flying because I didn't study or I didn't read this 300 page book that I had to read over the last two months. I read nothing. Luckily, I am the type of person who can read a book and summarize it pretty quickly. So I would cram everything into the last second, but I would just like do the Spark Notes version of things where I would read

bits and pieces of the book. I would read the front cover and the back cover and I would go online and try to figure out like summaries of the book and I would somehow construct this well written essay afterwards and my professors would be like, oh yeah, like this is a good essay. I don't know. I had a talent of doing that, but at the same time, I would make myself sick to my stomach because I procrastinated everything, literally everything. I hated studying. I hated focusing. I'm not the type of person who likes to focus and sit down and read a good book like all

in one setting. I have ADHD. I really do. So it's really hard for me to do things like that. So I remember in school, I was just getting by. Literally, I was just like doing whatever I could to get by, but I also remember driving myself absolutely insane. And back then, I wished I was more organized.

I wish I didn't have to make myself sick in order to get things done. But yeah, that's just how it was. That's just how I was as a student. And even now, I remember over the last few years with the rise and fall of my career, when it came to, you know, I used to be a travel blogger. And for those of you who know that side of me, who have followed me before the podcast, I know most of you have discovered me from the podcast,

but I was a travel blogger, travel influencer, whatever you want to call it before I started date yourself instead. And because of COVID, obviously that entire career was burned to the ground. Essentially, at least for 2020, it was, I know people are traveling now and everything's back to normal. But 2020 was a really rough year for me personally because I was going through a lot of changes. I separated from the guy I was seeing and working with and he was a huge part of my life. So that was kind of upsetting. And then on top of that, I lost my job due to COVID because I couldn't travel or go anywhere.

And I had to rebrand myself and think of what I wanted to do next, started posting dating stories on TikTok and all the experiences I've been through which led to the podcast, which is so fucking cool. But at the same time, in that moment, I was freaking the fuck out. And one of the biggest things I procrastinated was

starting the podcast and I've mentioned this on other episodes where I actually recorded the first episode in February of 2022, I think it was and then I didn't put it out until September of 2022. There was a huge window of time where I procrastinated doing shit about the podcast because I was afraid of one what people were going to think about me. And I don't know why I was afraid of that, but I was. And then two, I was just holding up a transitional phase of my career where I was like, I don't know if I really want to be in the podcast space. I don't know if this is something I want to do.

And I started procrastinating all of my goals. I was freaking myself out. I was self-sabotaging. And it was just really difficult for me to do anything. It was like I was frozen. I was frozen in place. And instead of actually getting shit done and diving all in with the podcast right away I spent months of my life procrastinating it and

Driving myself insane and making myself crazy and sick and frustrated because I was like I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I don't know what to do. It was one of those errors of my life where I was really scared to take any sort of action and life where I was really scared to take any sort of action. And instead of taking action, I would do everything to get myself out of it. So, for example, instead of recording new episodes and publishing them, I would record an episode and then let it sit on my phone or my computer. And I would just sit in my apartment and do nothing. Literally, this is kind of embarrassing to say, but I would do something and then I would just stop. And for the rest of the day, do absolutely fucking nothing with my time. And over the course of time, after months of basically

getting nothing done or, you know, just hanging out with friends and not really doing anything or traveling and postponing my plans for my career, I ended up feeling like shit. I just felt so depressed and so low about myself because I wasn't acting on my dreams. I wasn't pursuing my goals or my dreams. And looking back, I'm like, oh my God, you know, everything happens for a reason. And the timing of everything I do believe happens in divine timing. And I think when I released the podcast,

it was divine timing. And everything does truly happen for a reason. But at the same time, I was like, wow, I could have started way sooner. And it probably would have been totally fine. Now I googled why people procrastinate and the psychology behind why people procrastinate and one of the things I found really interesting was this thing called temporal discounting and it said it's the tendency to prefer immediate rewards over delayed ones.

Procrastination often occurs because the short term relief of avoiding a task outweighs the long term benefits of completing it. That really struck me. That was like, whoa, let me repeat that. Procrastination occurs because the short-term relief of avoiding a task outweighs the long-term benefits of completing it. Now, that makes total sense to me, right? In the moment, if you put it off, you get this little relief. A little sigh relief, oh, I don't have to do this right now. I could just take care of this later and it's like a little mini weight off your shoulders in the moment

but then over time that doesn't really get you anywhere and in the long term that bites you in the ass because you're like fuck I still have to do this task that I could have done Three weeks ago and I'm still putting it off and now I feel like garbage, but in the short term, as you're presented with a task, you're like, oh, if I just do it later, it'll be fine. And it feels easier in the moment.

And it's really interesting to me, the psychology behind that, because it's so true. You feel rewarded in the short term, because you're able to just kind of push something away. But over time, that anxiety and that stressful fucking catch up to you, guaranteed. Another thing which I kind of mentioned with my podcast of why people procrastinate is this idea of perfectionism.

People procrastinate things because they're scared or they're fearful that they won't complete this task perfectly and they think at a better time, it'll be a more perfect time to do it. Like for me when I was working on the podcast, I was like, it'll be good if I release it in the summer. It'll be good if I release it at this date or that date or whatever it is and I was making all these excuses for why I couldn't do it in the moment. And it's often this psychology of perfectionism and needing everything to be perfect

and perfectly organized and perfectly aligned in order for you to actually complete something. And I always tell people this now because I've learned this the hard way. There's never the perfect time to do something. There's never gonna be the perfect moment, like the ideal dream moment where you're gonna wake up and snap your fingers and be like,

oh my god, this is the day. This is the day I'm going to get it done. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to do something and get your brain into the swing of things and get your brain into the routine of actually doing it. I can tell you right now, because this is just the most recent example, because this is like a huge career change for me with my whole podcast and my brand date yourself instead. I could have waited another six months to put it out. I remember when I put it out, I was terrified. It was Mercury Retrograde, okay. I'm into astrology. Mercury Retrograde, you're not supposed to release new projects.

You're not supposed to technically start anything new in your career because there could be delays, there could be, you know, things that go wrong, etc. I was like, oh my god, if I release it now, what if it just flops and it's a failure and I don't know, I was like, psyching myself out, which is so toxic because okay, just because it's according to astrology, something in the stars is saying not to do something. I don't believe in listening to that, okay? I still believe that regardless of what you're doing, there's never going to be the perfect time.

It doesn't matter if the moon is in Libra. It doesn't matter if you know, it's your birthday next week, and you want to wait till after your birthday. I don't know. I'm just thinking of stupid examples, but I'm saying there's just never going to be the right ideal time all the time. Sometimes you just have to force yourself to take the plunge and deep dive into whatever it is you're trying to accomplish.

And it's not always going to be perfect. The second, you know, release a new project or the second you start working on something or building towards something, it's not always going to be a. The second release a new project or the second you start working on something or building towards something, it's not always going to be a perfectly smooth, easy process. But once you start it, I promise you're going to feel this weight of relief off your shoulders. You're going to feel so much better that you started. It's just better that you do something and take action for something versus just sitting on your ass and doing absolutely nothing. Because it's good to take a break once in a while, it's good to sit back once in a while, but I'm telling you that feeling over and over again, if you do that on repeat,

it's not the best feeling in the world. When you keep procrastinating and you don't do anything, it catches up to you. I got super depressed, procrastinating, and waiting to the last second to do everything. There's also something that I was reading about called Decisional Procrastination, which is something that I've also struggled with because I used to be so indecisive. It says here, sometimes procrastination occurs

because individuals struggle to make decisions and delaying the task of making a choice can temporarily reduce your anxiety, but overall it's going to bite you in the ass. I used to be so indecisive where I would have trouble making decisions and I was like, you know what, I'll just come back to this later. It's so real. And when I was in my last relationship, I was especially indecisive because I truly thought that if I just put off decisions to the last second, the stress would force me to make the right decision. I would be like, okay,

if I put this off now, when I have 30 minutes to decide and the pressure is on me, then I'll make a decision. But that's really just sabotaging yourself and, you know, forcing your brain to maybe make a decision that it doesn't want to make, because you're in fucking overdrive and you're in panic mode, because you're like, oh, shit, I have to figure this out. I have to figure this out. So for me, with my decision making, that's something I had to really work on. That's something I had to really dig deep into my subconscious and be like, why am I the way that I am right now?

Why am I doing things and operating from a place of fear and anxiety and stress and panic all the time? I think in the short term, it made me feel good because I was like, okay, let me just put this off as long as possible and then I'll make a decision when the pressure is on, but in reality, it caused me so much turmoil in my brain and it wasn't healthy, it was really toxic. So if it's something I'm really struggling with

and I really can't make a decision, I meditate and I have to get my brain into a really relaxed state. Something I heard on a podcast a while back, I remember I think it was a podcast with Ed Mylett, who's awesome. He was talking about making a decision and how you just have to pick a decision because no decision is way worse than making a decision. And I kind of agree with that.

I feel like when you make no decision, it's like you're causing yourself to spiral later in the long term. In the short term, it feels good. And you feel like it's a relief because you're like, okay, I don't have to do anything right now. But in the long term, it's going to cause you to spiral. And I think on his podcast episode, he just touched on saying that it's better to make a decision one way or the other and choose A or B versus just being stuck in the middle

because it's way worse for your brain to be stuck in the middle. And I agree with that. So make a decision, whatever it is, choose something. And if it's the wrong decision, you could always circle back to it at a later time, and fix it. People make mistakes, okay. Sometimes I've made the wrong decisions,

and it's been a mistake, and it's been a monumental point in my life, where I'm like, okay, I learned from this. Sometimes the best case scenario is you make a decision. It doesn't go according to plan, and then you're able to fix it for the next time where you're able to adjust it along the way. Life is about learning.

Life is about the process and learning and trusting yourself. If not everything goes according to plan, you could always make a better decision later for the next time. Another big reason why people tend to procrastinate is the fear of failure or success. Sometimes we're afraid to know what our life is going to look like if we fail or if we succeed. It can go either way. And that's often times why we put off big tasks. And that's also why I've delayed my career goals at times,

because I'm like, what if I fail? What if I take the plunge and drop everything I'm doing right now and dive into a new career path, and then I just suck. And it doesn't go according to plan. Fears can stand in the way of your life. Fear can stand in the way of your biggest. Fear can stand in the way of your biggest dreams and goals and cause you to procrastinate. So, it's really about also getting over those fears

and understanding that life is short and it's better to take a leap of faith than to live in regret years later when you're much older and you don't have the time or resources to do what you always wanted to do. Now, what are some ways to help you stop procrastinating? What are some tips that have helped me? I mentioned this earlier, but creating a to-do list physically, writing it down, not doing

it in your phone. I don't know what it is, but the physical act of writing it down really sits in your brain better. And I think you absorb the information better from my experience. You could obviously use some sort of app like a task management app but I really do believe that writing it down physically and creating a list for yourself where you could physically cross off tasks. It's helped me a lot and I carry the piece of paper with me.

I carry the list with me in my bag, in my pocket, whatever it is. And I'll read it throughout the day and be like, okay, did I do this? Did I do that and cross it off with a pen? Also, tackling tasks one step at a time and not making it this big thing where, oh, I have to get 30 things done today,

taking it step by step and breaking it down in smaller ways so it doesn't feel so overwhelming. I think part of the reason why I've procrastinated and why other people procrastinate is because everything feels so overwhelming and you're like, I don't know how to get all of this done. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Break it down step by step. Don't know how to get all of this done. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Break it down step by step.

Don't force yourself to get everything done in one hour or one second or one day. Simply break it down into smaller tasks. I think tackling one small thing can lead to tackling something else and then lead to tackling something else. And you could tackle the small things first, which leads into the bigger things. And I think that's been super helpful and effective for me. Another big thing that I felt super helpful, especially in this day and age, is turning

my phone on airplane mode or turning it off completely, just turning off all my notifications. Notifications on social media just struck the fuck out of you. It doesn't matter if you're a social media celebrity an influencer, whatever it is. It doesn't matter. It literally doesn't matter. This happens to everyone. If you get a text, if you get a call, if you get an email, if you get an Instagram DM, it literally sidetracks your brain no matter what. It's so fucking distracting. So what I like to do now, instead of scrolling, instead of, you know, being on my phone at all, I literally silence my phone, silence all my notifications. I also do this at bedtime because it helps your brain rewire, it helps your brain rest. I turn my phone off. It's not just, you know, ignoring a text. It's not as simple as that. I really believe that you need full elimination of those

distractions. And for me, putting my phone on airplane mode or turning it off completely, if I really have something big I need to get done, has really helped me. And even if it's for an hour or two, okay. Obviously there's going to be times where you can't do that. If you have to work from your phone, I get it and I work from my phone so I completely understand. But even if you could take a couple hours a day, if there's something you've been procrastinating, turn off all your notifications and put your phone on silent, or whatever it is, and don't pick it up until you get whatever you need to get done. And if you need your phone to get that task done, just make sure you hide your apps. I do this all the time.

I hide apps from my lock screen, and I turn all my notifications off. Another thing you can do is reward yourself for completing things that you need to get done. For example, for me, I'll just, I'll use myself as an example because it's probably just easier. If I have to record a podcast episode, once I record the episode, I'm like,

what am I gonna do after this? I'm gonna take myself for a nice coffee, I'm going to read a little bit of my book and I'm going to rest for 20 minutes. Give myself a nice 20 minute window of time to just recharge, recoup rate before I have to go on to the next task or before I have to do anything else with my day. I give myself these little rewards that make me feel good and make me feel recharged and relaxed, or I'll go for a walk and listen to someone else's podcast, or I'll take myself to get ice cream or something. I don't know, just little things, I'm trying to think of little things that would make me happy.

Going to get ice cream always makes me happy. But I give myself little rewards after I complete the tasks, which for me sometimes the psychology of that makes me feel good and makes me feel more productive and then it makes me more inspired to get more done. And then I'll reward myself again when I get those things done. Another thing that I had procrastinated for a while was related to my work. And it was something that I knew I needed to do for a really long time, but I kept putting

it off because it would give me constant anxiety. And once I finally did it, and once I finally set aside a week to just get everything accomplished, and I finally did it, I took myself out to a celebratory dinner and drinks, and I had the best night,

and it was just so rewarding, and I rewarded myself for getting everything done. I had a little party for myself. I had a little celebration and it felt so good. I felt so accomplished and so confident in myself and so relieved. It was like the biggest burden lifted off of my shoulders and it felt incredible. Another thing I truly find helpful is constant affirmations telling myself I'm a boss ass bitch. Whatever it is, you need to tell yourself that'll boost your confidence.

It's helped me immensely. When I wake up, I literally talk to myself sometimes and I'm like, I'm getting this done today. I'm accomplishing everything I need to get done. I'm a go getter. I can take action. I control my life. I make the rules.

Whatever you need to dictate to yourself to make yourself feel more empowered, like you're going to get everything done. Self-talk is everything. Self-talk is key. And I talk a lot about this in my Dare to Detach Master class, the art of talking to yourself and understand that you control your thoughts. It's so key and it's so crucial and it's a really big part of being able to get things done in my life. For me, I have to literally talk to myself and tell myself, I'm getting this done today. I'm not procrastinating anymore.

I have one life to live. I'm going to feel so good once I get this done. And having that type of self-talk has truly worked wonders for me, and it's very effective. And the last thing I will say is learning how to create boundaries for yourself when it comes to work and play. So I know if my friends have plans, if there's certain events going on in New York that I want to go to, etc. Things that I have FOMO with where I feel like I'm missing out if I don't attend. You need a routine and you need boundaries. Sometimes you have to say no to certain things in order to focus on yourself and it might be hard and it might be a really difficult decision in the moment to say no to going out and getting drunk on a Friday night because your friends are doing it. But for me, I know creating boundaries for myself has really, truly helped and creating

a structured routine for myself has really helped. I didn't have boundaries for myself last year and the year before the way that I do now. There would be times where I would procrastinate by traveling, by going on mini trips with my friends and procrastinating my work. I would do everything in my power not to do certain things that I didn't want to do because I was just delaying the progress of my success and a part of it was out of fear a part of it was out of you know I could just do this later

laziness there was just like so many factors involved where I remember I would procrastinate and drive myself insane in long term for that short term feeling of, oh, I'm going to go out with my friends. It's going to be so much fun. But there was always this thing nagging in the back of my head. Even when I was out with my friends, I'd be like, oh, fuck, I still have to do this. I still have to get my work done. I still have to create this program. And I still have to answer these emails.

And I still had things I had to do that would nag in the back of my head that I couldn't fully enjoy myself and the beauty of actually getting everything done and then playing after is that you don't have to stress. You can enjoy the current moment when you're having fun and going out and doing things with your friends and socializing because you've gotten everything done so you have a clear head and you can just focus on the current moment and be free and happy and excited to just spend time relaxing and rejuvenating and doing whatever it is you need to do with your friends without having that nagging feeling in the back of your head.

And I know you guys know what I'm talking about. When you procrastinate, you can do other things and distract yourself pretty easily. You could go to the beach and tan for two days and go on vacation with your friends and party. But you have that little voice in the back your head saying I could be doing more I could be doing this. And it's kind of annoying it's kind of a frustrating feeling. So yeah, I think that wraps up today's episode once again, I love you as always. Thanks for being here. I know I say it on every ending of every podcast, but I am so grateful for you guys.

I'm so grateful for the community, for the date yourself instead. Community and audience that we've built on here and on Instagram. If you don't follow me on Instagram, go follow me at date yourself instead. We have an amazing community on social media as well. I'm so thankful for you all. If you haven't already, be sure to check out the Dare to Detouch Master class. I promise it's life-changing. I'm so proud of it and proud of the community on there as well.

And doors open November 16th for that. I can't wait for you. I'm so excited. I keep saying things and repeating myself. I know it's a crazy morning. I'm gonna go get myself another coffee right now because I need it. I hope you all have an amazing rest of your Monday or whatever date is for you now. Have an amazing rest of your week. I love you and stay tuned for next Monday.

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