Date Yourself Instead - the power of unshakeable boundaries.

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

probs one of my fave episodes yet. drop a comment and share if you enjoyed. love you xxLyss

The quality of your life and how amazing it is is directly correlated to what you're willing to walk away from and what you will and will not tolerate. Life responds to how you handle every situation. The power of having unshakable boundaries is everything because it's going to filter out what serves you and what doesn't. It's going to align you with your highest path. It's going to align you with the people that are actually meant for you. Having unshakable boundaries is everything in this world. It doesn't matter how emotionally intelligent you are. It doesn't matter how kind you are.

It doesn't matter how big of a heart you have. If you don't have clear firm boundaries and set your standards on what you want in your life, you're not going to get to where you want to be. You can be kind and still have firm boundaries. You can be loving and be the best person in the world and still have clear firm boundaries in place. What are you willing to walk away from that is going to serve your higher self? What are you willing to let go of that's not going to come into your future? What are you willing to accept and what are you willing to let go of?

For the longest time, I was the time, I was the type of person that felt guilty for choosing myself and for making decisions that were best for myself. When I was younger, I felt this sense of guilt. Like, if I didn't do something my parents told me I needed to do, I was a bad child. Or if I didn't conform to my partner's lifestyle when I was dating them, that I was not a good partner and the relationship would fall apart. I was always afraid that if I didn't cater to someone else's boundaries and someone else's standards, that I would lose them.

When the truth is, when you stand firm on who you, are and you're authentic about your life, your values, your goals and your boundaries, especially when you stay true to yourself and you follow your heart and listen to what makes sense for you, you're never going to miss what's meant for you. You're never going to miss the relationship that's meant for you, the people that are meant for you, the opportunities that are meant for you, you're never going to miss any of it because you're truly being yourself. Every time you tolerate something or behavior or situation because you're afraid of losing it means you're choosing that over choosing yourself. And I made another video called The Power of Choosing Yourself that's kind of related.

You can go watch that as well after this video. But I really wanted to emphasize the importance of having unshakable boundaries in this one because this has changed my life. Being true to myself regardless of the external world and what people are saying, what people are asking of me, what people are expecting of me, I've stayed true to myself and it has been the biggest game changer in my self-worth, my confidence, how I feel about myself on a daily basis, and everything in between. Boundaries are an embodiment of self. It's truly feeling like you're in alignment and you're not wavering from that frequency. You're not wavering to cater to anyone else or anything else. A boundary is the biggest form of self-respect. And when you follow your boundaries and you stick to them, the universe has no choice but to rearrange to cater to what you're communicating and what signal you're giving out. If someone isn't giving you the love you deserve and you say,

this isn't working for me, I will only accept the most amazing. soulmate love and beautiful relationship, the universe has no choice but to rearrange and give you what you asked for as long as you hold that frequency and hold the boundary. If you're the type of person who likes to give people second, third, fourth, and a hundred chances, that's why you're not getting to where you want to be. That's why you constantly keep getting burned and keep getting hurt. And I know this because that was me. I'm the type of person who sees the best in everyone. I actually love giving people second chances. I love giving people third chances because I see the potential in people. I see how good they could be. But what I learned is you can't live off of people's potential.

You have to see people for who they are right now in the present moment in order to protect your peace, in order to honor yourself and who you are. It doesn't mean you're bitchy. It doesn't mean you're not nice. It doesn't mean you're not kind. It doesn't mean you're not a good person. When you stay true to yourself, it means that you love yourself enough to protect your peace. Boundaries are deciding true access to you and your life and your beautiful aura has conditions. It has terms and conditions, okay? No one should be able to just walk into your life and take advantage of you. No one should be able to just walk into your life and have full blown access to you.

That's not how it works anymore. If you are looking to level up and be the best version of yourself and really, really, really respect yourself and get respect from other people, you have to be willing to say no to things. you have to be willing to walk away from things, knowing that you're good and you love yourself enough that you're not going to put up with this. And you have to be brave enough and bold enough to trust that the universe is going to provide you with the perfect relationship, with the perfect career, with the perfect opportunity when you stay true to your value. Your life has value. Your life has purpose. Your life has meaning. Every single person you allow into your field,

every single opportunity, experience you allow into your field, it comes with you. It becomes with you. It becomes a part of your energetic field. So the key is to filter out what isn't making you feel 100% alive, happy, and energized and fulfilled from within and start focusing on attracting the things that light you up, that bring you joy. Because the better you feel, the better you're going to manifest, the happier you're going to be, the more excited you're going to be about waking up in the morning and creating. I had to cut out so many things and people and habits and old routines and patterns and cycles and timelines, I was shedding everything at the beginning of this year. I went into 2026 being like, oh, this is my year. I'm going to like do

everything that I need to do with my career. I feel that way starting right now. Okay. But for the first six months of the year, I realized that I was like still repeating past cycles and you can't walk into a new life still entertaining your old one. You can't become your future self and your higher self. if you're still entertaining the past. It's just not possible. From an energetic and a quantum perspective, it's literally not possible for the universe to deliver anything

that you're praying for in the future if you're clinging on to the past. It's not going to work. So I was like, shit, I can't just manifest a new life if I'm not prepared for it. I have to actually become and embody the woman that I know I deserve to be.

My higher self has been begging me for change and begging me to level up and respect myself and be brave enough to trust. in my future and yet here I am crying over the past. You got to let go of what's no longer aligning with the future you. And that's a boundary within yourself. That's the most important boundary. Boundaries within yourself. And then you start to form boundaries naturally with the world around you because you want to protect your peace. It's not about closing anyone off. It's just about filtering and understanding that the people that are meant to be in the next chapter of your life

are coming with you. Okay. I know that my family is always going to be my family. I'm always going to have them in my life. If I text one of my best friends that I've known since I'm four years old, right now, I know she's going to answer. But there are certain people that you have to weed out that are just there for the ride, or they're just there when you're doing well. And they're not there for you when you're not doing well, okay? You need your ride or die community.

You need people who are truly aligned with you. I had a habit of always looking at someone and being like, oh, they're that way because they had a difficult childhood, or they're that way because they're insecure and they're a good person, but that was like my famous line that I would always say and I would always justify why I kept them around. I would always justify their behavior because I'm loving. I just wanted to see the best in them. And that's a good thing sometimes. And all of those things can be true. But something I had to get real with myself was understanding why someone hurts you doesn't obligate you to give them access to your life. It doesn't obligate you to feel bad and cater to them and give them

excuses. They can be a good person and you can send them love and light and be like, I want the best for this person. But it doesn't mean they get access to the new you. Okay. That's what a boundary is about. It's not about cutting someone off in anger and being like, they're not giving me what I want and they're incapable, blah, blah, blah. They don't have the emotional capacity to love me. Trust me. I've dated a lot of people like that. They have a good heart, but they're not at the level that I'm at. And they can't give me the emotional capacity that I need. Once again, it doesn't mean they're a bad person. It doesn't mean that you have to be vicious about cutting them off, but it means you need a boundary. Because you know that they can't come into the next chapter of your life. You're not going to

meet your soulmate. You're not going to meet someone that's right for you. Your tribe or your people if you're holding on to people that aren't giving you what you actually deserve. If you're still allowing people that you know aren't capable of loving you the way you deserve to be loved or appreciating you or valuing you, whether it's in a work setting, family environment, anything, what happens is you just start abandoning your needs. You start abandoning. You start a abandoning your needs. You're communicating to the universe. I'm going to settle for this. That's what it is. So you can still understand someone and choose to not have them a part of your future timeline. You can still forgive someone and still not allow them access to you. You can still love someone deeply and care about them and have a place for them in your heart and still be brave enough to walk away. Two things can be true at once. If something or someone or a situation requires you to abandon yourself in the process of loving them or being with them and requires you to

leave yourself and give up parts of yourself time and time again, the price is too high on that situation. That's the truth. Having boundaries means knowing when the price is too high to keep something around or keep something a part of your life. Nothing is worth having if the cost of it is losing you, is losing yourself. So what are some boundaries that have changed my life? I'm just going to give you some examples because I feel like that would be really helpful. Get out a pen and paper, make a list of what you will and will not accept moving forward into this new chapter of your life. Number one is I don't chase anything down anymore. If something is truly meant for me, I trust that it's meant for me, whether it's a relationship, whether it's a career thing, anything.

I am not chasing down anything. I'm setting the intention. I will reciprocate if the energy is mutual. But if I have to constantly pick apart and try to figure you out, if it feels like a puzzle, it's a puzzle, okay? You know that quote, like, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck? It's the same thing. It's like, if it's a puzzle, it's a puzzle. If your brain is trying to constantly decipher what someone's telling you, what they mean, what they're doing, it's exhausting to live like that.

I used to find it entertaining when I was toxic. I was like, oh, let me figure this out. When I wasn't healed and I was coming from a place of games and toxicity and thinking that was the norm, I thought that was so exciting to figure someone out. It gave me this dopamine rush, but that's because I was immature. When you truly heal your heart, you're not going to find that fun anymore. I don't find it fun anymore. The last time I was in a situation like that, the guy was like, oh, I just want to see how things

kind of play out. And I'm like, what does that even mean? You're saying a whole bunch of nothing. He was saying a whole bunch of nothing in my brain. I was like, that's not attractive to me anymore. Whereas the old version of me would have been like, okay, let's see where it goes. Like, he's hot. We have chemistry.

It's so fun. like when we go to dinner. I was getting those butterfly feelings, but like, what does that really mean long term for me and my values and my standards and what I know I deserve? It means a whole bunch of nothing, right? The right man is going to come at you with clear intention and clear pursuit and be like, hey, this is what I want. I see this with you. It will just feel good. It will just feel natural. Now, some people might disagree with that. Some people might be like me and my boyfriend were on and off and like playing games before we got into a relationship. That's great. And everyone, has a different story. Sometimes life is situational in the sense of if both people are willing to do the work

and heal and grow together after a period of games, that's one thing. And that's the exception. Meaning if two people are actually changing and evolving and healing together and eventually end up into a relationship, even though the beginning was rocky, that's fine. But a boundary that I've set for myself is I've done the work. I've done so much to heal my heart that I'm not willing to go into a situation feeling unclear or unstable or unsure about where someone stands because that doesn't work for me. That's my boundary, right? I don't want to have to teach someone how to behave or how to love me. It's also because I've done it before, right? And I think it comes with experience and knowing and being able to see things more clearly now that I'm a bit older. I've done this go around before.

And nothing changes. If nothing changes, this has been my favorite mantra lately. That type of dynamic does not work for me. It may work for you. And that's okay too because everyone has a different path in life, but it doesn't work for me. If I have to decipher your intentions, no, I have my answer. Another boundary I have is spending more time off of my phone so I could focus on my own mental health and my own priorities and passions and get more mental clarity throughout the day. I was spending so much time on my phone and this has been since I'm 19. This has been years and years of scrolling and social media and doing social media as a job, I didn't even realize how it was affecting me mentally and affecting my energy and my aura. And I feel like lately because I spent more time away from social media.

I kind of went off the grid for a while. I really truly needed to do that for myself. And a lot of people were pissed. A lot of people were like, where are you? I'm used to listening to you every week and like messaging me these crazy messages on Instagram and I'm like, I don't care. I don't care because the boundary I'm setting for myself is I need time for myself. I've been busy helping a million other people heal and find their dream partner and find their relationships and I'm sitting here exhausted. Like I love doing what I do. I love it, but you can't pour from an empty cup.

Cheesy but true. You cannot freaking pour from an empty cup. I've learned what that truly means more than ever doing this work because a lot of people will place expectations on you to deliver, deliver the content, post the video. I need you every week. This could apply to any career. You have to take care of yourself first. It doesn't matter what a million other people are begging you to do. It doesn't matter. If you're not feeling good, if you're not feeling whole from within, you can't perform and deliver the way you need to perform. I feel like lately my videos may be coming across more genuine and more authentic because I got true to myself and I took time for myself.

So that's a boundary I'm setting. If there's any point where I'm not feeling inspired or I'm drained and I need a break, I take the break. and I don't abandon myself for the sake of other people begging me to abandon myself. The next thing is I am very selective about who I give my attention to and what I'm investing my energy and time into now. I've had so much more energy because I've let go of this feeling if someone invites me somewhere, I need to be there. Or if someone is messaging me, I need to respond right away. No, you don't. This sense of crazy urgency in this day and age because of our phone is so wild. and it's something that I used to always get this like anxiety, like, oh my God, if I don't respond or I don't answer this email in the 30 second window that I received it, something's going to happen. You're going to miss the opportunity. No. Okay. True mastery of the self is understanding that time is a concept, first of all, and everything happens in perfect divine timing. You don't need to rush or force or feel that sense of urgency. You're creating that within yourself. So I've been getting really good at just like grounding my energy and being like, I'm going to answer,

when I answer. I'm going to respond when I respond. For whatever reason, if that's a problem for the other person, okay, then it's not meant to be. I have to trust in my timing and you have to trust in yours. And the last thing is, I am willing to walk away from anything that diminishes me, that makes me feel small and that requires me to lose any part of myself. I've worked way too hard to get to where I am now to feel like I have to sacrifice pieces of who I am. I have felt a different type of feeling of love for myself over the last few months and I've built that. I've worked for that. That's the boundary I have is just understanding that nothing is worth losing you. Nothing is worth losing the best version of you. If you know you put in the work to change and grow and mature as a person,

it's not even going to be a question. It's like if someone comes into your field and asks you for something that makes you feel like it's just not aligned. You have no problem saying no. You're like, no, it's not going to work for me. That's just not aligned with me. And you don't feel guilty about it. You don't feel like, you don't feel like, no, I'm in alignment. I'm honoring myself. This is who I am. That's what self-love really is. You're honoring your truth and you don't feel bad about it at all. This is just you. And no one can take that away from you. And that's the most powerful thing. And with that being said, that concludes today's video. Thank you so much for watching. if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe to the YouTube, follow on Spotify, leave a comment.

I read everything I love when you guys comment and interact. It makes me so happy. I love you guys so much. Have an amazing day and stay tuned for future videos. Bye.