Date Yourself Instead - The power of walking away

Episode Date: March 13, 2023

Why are we so afraid to walk away from a toxic relationship? Sometimes we're afraid to leave relationships for a variety of reasons, including: Fear of being alone Fear of the unknown Fear of change Children and family obligations And so much more. In this episode, I talk about the power of walking away from a relationship that isn't serving you, and some useful tips to navigate a breakup. As always, you can DM me on instagram @lyss or @dateyourselfinstead if you enjoyed this episode! Subscribe to my new YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCCyfFUtRJ5-RS0M3d99TQQ

People will respect you more when you learn how to walk away from situations and relationships that are not aligned with your future timeline, okay? People will respect you more and look at you differently and perceive you as a strong fucking warrior when you learn how to set those boundaries and stand up for what you know you deserve. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of LIS. I love doing these videos.

It's been really fun for me, so I'm really excited to dive into it. Let's just get right into it. I know a lot of you watching this video right now could probably use a kick in the ass right now. So here we go. Okay. You have to stop negotiating your worth with people and stop over analyzing your own actions to please other people. Stop being a people pleaser. Okay.

There's going to be a lot of people who make you try to doubt yourself and make you question what you deserve and what you know you deserve. And if you should stay, if you should walk away, if you should leave, if you should go. the truth is, if you clicked on this video, you probably know that you need better boundaries. I've learned over the last several years that boundaries have gotten me so much further in life and standing my ground has taken me so much further in my life than being a people pleaser, then letting people walk all over me and stomp all over my precious valuable energy. Walking away from a situation that is not aligned with you proves how certain you are about how valuable you are and how amazing you are, and it demonstrates the highest act of self-love and self-worth and

self-respect. People feel your energy when you truly respect yourself and worship yourself. When you know your worth and your value, people will start to drop off the map because they're actually intimidated by how you've shifted your energy and they know you love yourself. So they don't want to cross that boundary with you anymore or they pull back because they can't handle your frequency anymore. The amount of people that have dropped off in my life, after I've upgraded, after I've worked on myself and healed my heart and learned my own worth. It's crazy. Basically all the old people in my life, okay?

And my old relationships and my old friendships, they all fell away after I understood the power of knowing your worth and knowing how to set clear boundaries in place. When you start negotiating your worth and you start kind of going against what you truly believe is best for yourself and you start negotiating your boundaries and what you know you deserve, with other people and you start sacrificing your values and your beliefs and you start making exceptions for people in your life that's demonstrating number one that your boundaries aren't strong enough and number two is that you are willing to let someone dictate what says and what goes in your life the truth is we all have free will and we all have the power to create our own reality

to manifest our dream relationships to manifest our dream careers we have the power to do everything with the power of our mind and also through the power of our energy. And when we're giving people our energy and we're leaking it and we're leaking our power and we're not understanding our own value, that causes people to not really respect you. And in the moment, it feels hard to not want to be a people pleaser because you're afraid you might lose this person if you don't cater to them or you're afraid if you stand up for yourself, they're going to walk away. But the truth is when you're so anchored in your own frequency and you love yourself

so deeply, nothing should be swaying you from your boundaries or from the standards you've set for yourself. Nothing should be swaying you. The right people will just have to naturally align with your standards accordingly, according to what they are. And the people who aren't meant for you are going to drop off. And that's okay, because every time a person drops out of your life, it is creating space for new people, new opportunities, and new blessings to come into your life that you never would have expected because you're upgrading. So in this video, I really, really, really want to emphasize the importance of standing your ground and knowing what you bring to the table and knowing how powerful you are and knowing that you deserve the best of the best.

When you fully embody that, everyone else is either going to have to rise to meet you where you're at or they're going to fall off and that's okay. As I said, if people leave your life, it was for a reason. If you're holding your ground and people can't meet you where you're at, they're not supposed to be a part of your new life anyway. They're not supposed to know your future self anyway. The reason they're disappearing is because the universe is not going to allow them to access your future self that loves yourself so much, that respect yourself so much, because they don't deserve it. They don't deserve access to that precious energy. The beauty about truly really learning this concept of self-respect and knowing your worth

is also that when you choose to walk away from a situation, people will actually respect that more than you people pleasing, more than you staying because you think it's convenient and you don't want to ruin the relationship and you're scared and you're afraid that you're going to miss out on this amazing person that you started dating. The truth is, people will respect you more if you stand firm on what you know you deserve. And they feel that. They feel that confidence from you. They feel that you're holding your standards. People know when you know your worth. And it can be a very intimidating energy if they came in with the intention of walking all over you. This has happened to me a lot in dating where guys have tested my boundaries.

Guys have been like, oh, let's see what she'll do. Let's see what she's comfortable with. Let's see if she's going to cave to my demands. And I used to. I used to because I was afraid of being alone. I would cater to their wants and needs because I was afraid to be alone. And I'm super empathetic. And I want to keep people in my life if I feel a connection most of the time.

As I got older and as I matured and I did a lot of work on myself, I realized how pathetic that energy was. Okay. I'm just going to be honest. This is me speaking for my own personal experience. I ultimately lost my sense of self because I was willing to follow someone else's guidelines and cater to them versus stand true to who I am. There's something I learned recently about the power of following what feels good

and feeling like you're in alignment. When you're in alignment, things naturally feel good all the time. So if you're in a relationship and you feel amazing and you feel good, you're probably doing things right. But if there's moments of doubt, hesitation and you don't want to like ruin the relationship because you're afraid to stand your ground and you're afraid to speak your truth and you're afraid to really be your authentic self and demand what you know you deserve, oftentimes that means you're out of alignment. That's something that I really experienced in many relationships. I would not trust my judgment. I would ignore red flags and I wasn't able to properly stand up for

myself because I was afraid of losing that person. The truth is, your absence is very loud to people who are trying to take advantage of you. It's very loud to people who are trying to take advantage of you. Because if you don't cave and you walk away and you have the confidence and the courage to fully cut ties and leave or walk away from a toxic work environment or walk away from your relationship, whatever it may be, your absence forces that person to reflect. Now, what do I mean by that? absence forces people to reflect, okay?

Oftentimes, people won't respect you and they won't think about their own actions if they just have easy access to you. It's just the name of the game. There's a lot of people out there that will try to see how much they can get from you. And if you just are willing to stay and just do whatever they say and just listen to them and not trust your own judgment and what you want, they're just going to keep rolling with it. They're just going to keep rolling with it because they're like, oh, this girl's easy. this guy's easy. It's easy to have access to them. You got to leave a little mystery, okay?

You have to not be so overly available to people that wouldn't do the same for you. I think that's something that I've also learned. The right people, be available. Be emotionally available. If it's the love of your life, of course, if it's, you know, your sister, your close friend, your cousin, whatever it is. If they're good for you, it's nice to be emotionally available. But if you're in a situation right now where you're with someone who's being flaky, wishy-washy, and you know they kind of have some sort of leverage over you or they kind of have some sort of like chokehold on your energy field, you got to cut it out. Take a step back and leave a little mystery.

You're fucking powerful. You're amazing. You're incredible. And you need to start seeing that. You need to start seeing your energy and your presence as a valuable commodity. Energy is a very valuable commodity and your energy matters where you're putting your energy attention and time matters. Those are things that you cannot get back. If you're leaking your energy towards people who don't deserve it, not only are they not going to respect you, but they're

going to feel it. And they're not going to appreciate it. They're not going to appreciate it. And the thing for me was always that I was afraid if I didn't try, if I didn't stay, if I didn't try to make things work and accommodate to someone else, they would walk away. But over time, I realized what my energy was doing was actually pushing them further away because I wasn't standing in my truth and I wasn't in alignment. I wasn't honoring my higher self that deserves the best of the best. I was honoring someone else's wants and needs, which knocks you out of alignment and leads to them actually getting repelled away from you. People will be repelled from you when you don't stand your ground and stand your truth. People will respect you more when you create

absence and when you create the void. Now what's the void. The void is when you pull back your energy because you know how sacred it really is. You know how amazing and powerful you are. You know what you bring to the table. So you're not going to let anyone dictate what goes in your life unless they're fully on the same page and fully aligned with you or unless they're willing to rise to meet you there. This really does apply to dating. It can apply to anything in life. But for me, it really often applied in my dating life. The second I started realizing my worth and pulling back my energy, all of my exes started coming back into my life. And why was that? Because they felt the energetic shift. They felt the void. They felt me disappear.

When you unlock that level of self-love and you realize that you don't need anyone to feel whole and you don't need anyone to make you feel good, you become dangerous. People will respect the void that you've created when you pull back your energy because it signals to them that you know your worth and you know how precious your time and energy really is. The power of walking away too is that when you detach, you collapse your old timeline. Walking away is quantum jumping into a new reality where you take your power back. The moment you realize your power, you collapse the old version of you and the old story and the old narrative where you're afraid to lose someone, you're afraid to break up, you're afraid to move on. You're afraid that if you leave, you're never going to find

anyone better. These are common human fears. The last relationship I was in, I was like, I don't know if I'm ever going to date anyone ever again. I don't know if this is the best decision. We replay these narratives in our head that are from a place of scarcity and lack because we're afraid. But when we actually make the conscious decision to walk away, we collapse the old timeline and the old story and we're like, F this, I'm out. I don't care what it takes, but I know I deserve more. That old timeline goes away and we shift into a new one where we can actually attract what's right for us and what's meant for us. The most powerful feeling in the world is when you're brave enough to end a toxic cycle. Hands down, the most powerful feeling I've ever felt is when I

finally was brave enough to walk away from toxic things that no longer served that version of me. And what it did was it created space for a brand new life, brand new opportunities, brand new people, brand new friendships. All of the women that I've met to I never would have met if I hadn't gone through my last breakup because that last breakup forced me to move, forced me to get out of my comfort zone. And it made me realize the importance of having a strong friendship circle when you're going through a breakup. It made me realize so many things about myself and what I was really craving was human connection in general, not from a man necessarily, but just in general. I think it's super important to nourish the relationships that are healthy

for you in your life. And that breakup actually propelled me forward into a new timeline where I started nourishing my female friendships more and more and more. That was something that I lacked because when you have a boyfriend, you can get lost in a relationship and you can lose yourself and you could spend all of your countless days and energy with them and you forget to nourish the other relationships in your life. So when you're going through something, when you're leaving a situation that's not aligned with you, look at it as an opportunity to create a better timeline to ultimately create a more powerful version of you. Alchemize the energy. This is a phrase I love to use whenever I'm going through something that's hard, that's upsetting, that's challenging.

That's just emotion, okay? Those negative emotions are just energy. And when you learn how to alchemize that energy into art, into a better timeline, into visualization of your future self, of your future goals, into your work, into your purpose, you come out the other side so much better because you realize that that pain was there to actually build you and make you stronger and make you a better person. And that's pretty much been my whole life. Like I feel like I've gone through a lot of things in my life that have been very emotionally intense, but I've always come out stronger because I alchemize the energy. I use the energy as fuel to become a better version of me, to become a stronger, wiser, hotter, more successful version of me. I love using this

example too, just to make it a little more clear what I mean by alchemizing the energy, musicians, artists, entrepreneurs. Where do you think their biggest projects stemmed from? Usually from emotion, from heartbreak, from something they went through. I use Taylor Swift as an example because it's just easy because she's like the biggest pop star in the world. Think about where all of her songs stemmed from her relationship experiences. Without those heartbreaks and without those setbacks in her life, she wouldn't have anything to write about or to sing about, right? A lot of her songs and her albums stemmed from her relationship experiences. The same way my podcast is a collection of all the stories and things I've been through in my life,

all the hardships, all the good times, all the miracles and all the struggles. It's an accumulation of everything that I've been through. And I use those experiences and I alchemize them into my work, into my career, into my craft. I used those experiences that may have been really challenging in the moment to fuel my purpose and to help me step into my power and to help my career. When you look at a setback as an opportunity and a window of chance to better your life and to become a better person, that's when shit gets really good. And that's when you're no longer afraid to leave and walk away. And that's when you learn the concept of really being brave and respecting yourself so deeply that you're willing to let go of the old timeline and invest more

in yourself and bet on yourself and realize that you deserve everything you want out of this life and no setback no heartbreak no struggle is here to stop you the next thing is stop giving beggar energy to people okay when you shift from begging for breadcrumbs to knowing your value the game changes your higher self knows how powerful you are if you're just settling for breadcrumbs and you're letting people just do whatever the fuck they want to you, you're not aligned. When you communicate to someone that you're okay with bare minimum treatment, you're okay with them not making an effort,

and you're willing to just be there and be a dormant for them. For example, let's just say a guy is only texting you once a week and he's barely making an effort, barely making plans, but you're just sitting there waiting for him to communicate with you. You're teaching him, that's all he needs to give. You're literally teaching him that's all he needs to give, and he's just going to roll with it. But if you actually spoke your truth and stood your ground and said, I'm not okay with this,

goodbye, he would respect you a thousand times more because he knows he can't get away with the bare minimum. Now, people like that, usually I don't think are the loves of your life anyway. I don't think anyone who treats you like that is worthy of your time in any way, shape, or form. But what I will say is if you want the dynamic to change and you want to feel in alignment and you want to feel like you're honoring your higher self, stand your fucking ground, know your worth, and tell yourself, I deserve better than this, and walk away fearlessly. Walk away fearlessly, knowing that you're going to meet someone that's going to give you everything you've ever wanted.

People will always respect you the most when you honor yourself and what you know you deserve over what they're doing. Stop settling for breadcrumbs in relationships, in work environments, if you're not happy, even with your family members, if they're not treating you the right way, stand your fucking ground. The beauty about living in this day and age is that we can have access to, all the resources and materials we need online to know our worth and to know our boundaries. And that's why I love what I do.

I really want you to understand your value. Another reason why people respect you more when you're not afraid to walk away is you are not leaking your aura. I've spoken about this a lot on my podcast. If you want that golden aura where people literally look at you everywhere you go, people want to be around you, people want to hang out with you, people are dying to be your friend, if you want that type of aura, you have to stop leaking your energy to people who don't value you. And just because someone isn't giving you the love you deserve or someone isn't

treating you the way that you deserve, that doesn't reflect any sense of your value. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with you. I actually like to reframe it and I always think if you can't see my value, you're just not it. You're not supposed to be a part of my life. And that's a blessing that I figured that out. I'm seeing what I don't want. I'm the people I don't want to be around so I could attract more people that I do want to be around because there are many people in this world that will love you and see how incredible you are and see how amazing you are. And those are the people you want to gravitate towards. If someone isn't making you feel good about yourself, why would you want them in your life anyway? Really

think about it. Why would you want someone that makes you feel shitty about yourself in your energetic space? What that's going to do is leak your energy. That's why we hear all these stories when you're at a high vibe stay and then you meet someone and your life starts kind of dwindling. It's because they can't hold space for how incredible you are energetically. Because you were kind of up here. They were down here and you were willing to lower yourself down to their frequency. And they didn't have to rise to meet you where you were at. Instead, you went down to where they were at and you drained your energetic field and you drained your aura. And that's why in my master class mind body soul reset I talk a lot about the gray to gold aura effect when you realize

your power and worth and you take all your energy back you become golden you radiate a golden aura and leaving and walking away from situations that aren't aligned with you will reignite your aura again will fuel your aura again and have you go from gray to gold and that's when the best opportunities start coming in that's when you start manifesting really fast that's when you get everything you've ever desired out of life because you're understanding your power again. Every time you choose to walk away, you're actually emitting a frequency that declares, I deserve more, I deserve better, I deserve more out of life, and I know that. When you emit that type of frequency, you inevitably will call in something bigger and

greater than you could have ever imagined. And you also show people and the universe that you can't be swayed. And when you can't be swayed, the universe must bend to meet you. where you're at. It must bend to your version of your reality. If you stand firm in what you know you deserve, the universe will have no choice but to deliver what it is that you actually want. But if you're wavering in that frequency and you're kind of like entertaining people from the past, you're kind of afraid to walk away from things, you're afraid to leave your job, whatever it may be, you're sending mixed signals energetically out into the universe. And that's why things aren't manifesting or happening the way that you want them to. You're sending a mixed vibration

and therefore you're going to get mixed results. The key is to also go all in with your self-love and what you know you deserve. Go all in with yourself. Go all in with your standards and your boundaries and what you know you bring to the table. Show the universe and show yourself and prove to yourself, because your opinion is the only one that matters here, that you can't be sold, you can't be swayed, you can't be convinced out of what you know you deserve.

Show the universe that you're fucking serious, this. Your cutthroat about this. I know I deserve this. I know I deserve this and I'm not going to settle for less. What you want exists. Don't settle until you get it. Don't settle for a half-ass relationship because you're feeling lonely. Don't settle for a career you're not happy in because you're afraid that you're not going to make money anywhere else. Know your power. Understand how powerful you are and how your mind and your self-concept dictates your reality and go with it, roll with it, trust that the universe has to bend in your favor and give you exactly what you command it to give you. I read this quote and I need to share it with you. Power doesn't belong

to the one who holds on and clings on out of fear. It belongs to the person who can let go and trust that there is something better waiting on the other side of letting go. Walking away is going to flip the entire energetic script. Walking away from anything that's not right for you flips the power dynamic instantly. It collapses the old timeline, as I mentioned earlier. You're no longer wondering if that person is interested in you, if that person still loves you, if they still want to be with you. You are no longer concerned with their opinions and perceptions of you because the only perception you care about now is how you see yourself. How do you see yourself? It's no longer about what other people want. It's about what's best for you. And it's about moving and shaking and

that energy of, I don't care how they see me. I don't care if they want me or not. I don't care if my boss hates me or not. I have to do what's best for me and my future self and the version of me that knows I deserve more. Bottom line, this doesn't only apply to romantic relationships. This could apply to a toxic work environment or anything that's keeping you stuck and held in a certain position that you don't want to be in. Every time you choose yourself over pleasing someone that feels superior to you or thinks they're superior to you, you will start having so much respect for yourself and you will start to feel so good and so magnetic

just by default because you were brave enough to leave. You have to get real for a second. Do they deserve you? Does this person, does this corporation, does your boss, do they deserve access to your precious time and energy? When you truly start realizing what you bring to the table and how incredible you really are, you can't be bought, you can't be manipulated, you can't be swayed, it's a done deal.

You know what you deserve and you're willing to take a leap of faith and leave and move to a higher timeline with or without that person, with or without that job, with or without that marriage, whatever it is. Okay. And the last thing I want to say is needing nothing and really being content with just you and your presence alone, needing nothing will really give you everything and more because you're in surrender energy, because you're not desperately seeking anything outside of yourself and when you are truly so whole within and you master your inner energetic state the world really opens up for you things shift things start moving and working in your favor the universe will have to bend its reality to meet you where you're at

this is the laws of the universe needing nothing gives you everything when you're desperately chasing after shit when you're desperate and clinging on to things that aren't right for you you're repelling your reality you're repelling your manifestations you're repelling your manifestations you're repelling everything because that's how the laws of energy work when you don't need anyone or anything and you're good on your own and you create that vacuum where you're like I don't need you I don't need you I'm good I'm good on my own I could stand on my own two fucking feet I don't need you to tell me how amazing I am to know my worth to know how powerful I am everything begins to chase you when you stop needing things when you stop needing external validation when you stop

needing people to approve of you when you stop being desperate and you just chill and take a step back and you realize that everything's good and you're an incredible person and what's meant for you will never leave you and what's meant for you will always be when you truly trust the process and you understand that everything happening to you is part of your divine plan and there's no point in controlling anyone else outside of yourself the only person you can control is you when you really grasp that concept the universe starts to bend in your favor manifestations start coming in things start chasing you because you're just that powerful and with that being said know your worth know who the fuck you are and never settle.

You deserve all of your manifestations to come true. And I'm rooting for you. Thanks so much for watching. If you haven't already, be sure to subscribe on YouTube as well as Spotify, leave a comment on YouTube, Spotify, Apple. It would mean the world to me. Feel free to send me a DM Atlas, L-Y-S-S, or on the podcast account at List Boss, L-Y-S-B-O-S-S.

I would love to hear from you. Remember, your energy is your currency and you are so powerful. I appreciate you. Thank you again. I love you. And stay tuned for future videos.