Date Yourself Instead - Why I won't sleep with just "anyone" - sex is an energy exchange

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

In this episode, I’m getting real about intimacy, sex, and casual dating—and how my perspective has shifted over the years. Now that I’m in my 30s and way more tapped into my feminine energy, I���ve become super intentional about who I share myself with. For me, sex is sacred—it’s not just physical, it’s an energetic exchange. I talk about how cords form, why choosing someone who matches your vibe matters, and how past experiences can carry into present relationships. I also share how I cut cords energetically, heal old wounds, and embody the energy of my future husband so love flows in effortlessly.

On today's episode, we're going to be talking about, oh, hold on, I have to turn my phone off, give me one momento. Today we're going to be talking about intimacy, sex, and casual dating. It's something that I feel like I've covered very, very briefly and touched on in the past, maybe in one episode of the podcast, but lately I've been thinking about sex and intimacy and being in my divine feminine energy and really embodying my power. And my views of sex have drastically changed over the last few years, especially being in my 30s, really knowing what I want, really knowing what I deserve, and really embodying my own energy. I've become very selective about not only my dating process, but also how I view sex and intimacy and what it truly means to me. So on today's episode, I'm going to share my view, my perspective, and how it really just plays into my everyday life.

I'm also going to be talking about my experiences with casual dating, being 32, and being in a place where I'm really ready to meet the love of my life and meet my divine counterpart and my soulmate. I posted a video that went super viral. I think it has like four million views. And I was talking about soulmates and how a soulmate love is an integration. You're not dating. You're not confused. You're not questioning. It just is because that person is God sent.

And at the perfect divine timing, that person is going to walk into your life and it's going to feel like your souls just mesh and come together and it just works and it feels effortless and easy. Now that video went viral for a reason. There's a lot of people fighting in the comments saying that they don't believe that soulmates exist or maybe they've never experienced that type of love before. But my truth is that that love is out there and that love exists for me. And the closer I've gotten to my faith, the closer I am to God in general at this point in my life, I do believe that he has someone being built and prepared for me. And that's something else I wanted to share with you guys. Let's dive into the sex and intimacy part of this episode first and then we'll go into soulmate love. It's kind of all tied together. To me, sex is sacred. Intimacy with another human being is sacred. It's a

divine act of love. It literally creates life. I used to think of sex as, oh, it's not a big deal. It's just casual, whatever. It's fun. It doesn't matter. When I was in my college days, I viewed everything very, very differently. But as I got older and as I learned more about myself and I healed a lot of parts of myself, I realized that I want to be very selective with who I share my body with and who I share my energy with. Now, I also want to preface this episode by saying,

there is no judgment here. This is a judgment-free zone. What works for you, works for you. At the end of the day, if you believe intimacy, it's just not that big of a deal to you and you don't overthink it and you sleep with whoever you want, you have a one-night stand. there's no judgment there. Okay, we've all been there. I've done it before too in my past,

but I will say this is just going to be from my perspective currently, how I've evolved, how I've grown, how I've changed, and how my viewpoint on sex is changed and what it really means to me. Sex to me is not just an act. It's actually very sacred. It's a union of two souls merging and being intimate with each other. It's an energy exchange for me. Because I'm very protective now of my energy and how I've healed and done the inner work and really changed as a woman. I am more protective of my energy now than I've ever been. I know now that I want to save myself for someone who really loves me, who really appreciates me, and who really cares about me. There was a guy I was sitting with at breakfast this morning. We somehow got on the topic of sex and this is actually

kind of what inspired this episode. So I'm very grateful. Something he said was really fascinating. he was saying and explaining to me how he does want to be intimate with someone he truly cares about, but at the same time, he likes to also have casual sex if he feels like it. And my question to him was, are you aware that it's an energy exchange between two people? Do men think like that? Like, do you really care about who you're sleeping with? And he kind of hesitated on it. And he was like, I don't really know. Like, sometimes I just don't look too deeply into things. I just kind of do what I want. And I live in the moment. And I don't want to be so hard on myself. If I make that decision, I don't want to punish myself for it after,

which I understand. And that's kind of how I used to see things. When I would sleep with someone and it was just for fun and it was casual, I wasn't overthinking it. I wasn't thinking, oh my God, I'm a bad person because now I had sex with someone and they're not my husband or my soulmate. It was never like that for me. I saw sex as a very, you do what's best for you type of thing. But as I've gotten older, for me, sex has become a divine union. When you are sleeping with someone, you're creating an energetic cord. And when you create that energetic cord, you're bound together energetically and very intimately. And I've noticed with myself because I'm very emotional and I, you know, I give very deeply.

I love with an open heart when I do have sex with someone. I feel like there's an energetic cord attached and it could be really hard for me if the relationship isn't what I thought it was, if it's toxic. if it's just not the right person for me, it makes it that much harder to walk away because the intimacy was there. There was a man that I really knew was not my person. When I was 27, he was 35, 36, and I was living in Manhattan at the time. And I remember from the beginning, he wanted something casual. I was coming out of a relationship. And I was just like, oh, go with the flow. It's not a big deal. And I was casually sleeping with him for several months in a row. And we were going back and forth, sleeping at each other's places, and texting every day, I knew if I was

being really honest with myself, this man was not the love of my life. You know, he wasn't my husband, but I got so emotionally invested and attached because of the intimacy factor, because we were cuddling and taking me to dinner and we were doing all of these very cuddly things, the sex added such a significant, strong layer to it. Because when you're sleeping with someone, as I just said, you are creating an energetic cord to that person and you become tied to that person. Now, this is just my spiritual beliefs, what I've learned just from having many different types of experiences with people, when you sleep with someone, you're absorbing their energy into your mind, body, soul. You're literally exchanging energy. If that person has a lot of

maybe baggage within them, darkness within them, energy that doesn't really align with who you are, you could actually be taking that on without even really realizing it. I do believe when I've slept with people and started to build that intimate connection with them with no plans of the relationship being anything significant, I was actually taking on parts of them and parts of their energy and parts of their beliefs, just things that weren't healthy for me. And sometimes I would get in these weird moods or I would feel very up and down and I would feel on edge because I was taking on energy that wasn't mine. The energy didn't belong to me.

And because I'm an empath and because I love with an open heart, as I just said, and I absorb a lot around me. And in my environment, I'm more sensitive to that. So back in the day when I was 19, 20, in my early 20s, mid-20s, I didn't really understand any of this. I didn't understand how energy really worked. It just wasn't a factor in my decision whether I wanted to sleep with someone or not. Now, as I've learned so much about my spirituality, my body, how my body is sacred, how my body is a divine temple, and how I want to keep it as healthy and thriving as humanly possible, I've just become extremely selective with who I am intimate with. And it's been almost a year, it's been almost a year since I've slept with anyone because I've decided for myself that

the next person I'm with, it has to be a soulmate. type of union or someone that I truly love and I know cares about me and loves me the same. Now, I'm not going to say it has to be my husband, but I've already set the intention that the next man I'm with is going to be my husband. So that's currently where I'm at. And the other thing is if you are entertaining someone that is at a lower vibrational frequency than you, if they're operating on a totally different level energetically, where they're just negative or they see the world through such a different lens. If someone is at a lower frequency than you and they're operating at a totally different level energetically and you're up here and they're down here

and you're sleeping with them consistently, what could happen is they could start to drain your energy fields and you're brought down to their level. It could also happen just from being around those people. But when you're sleeping with them too, it's just more intense and it's a more intense version of being drained, of feeling like you're lowering your energetic vibration to meet them as you're being intimate. That is also why I've just decided to take a very long break and be abstinent for the last year because I know that I want to exchange energy with a man who is healthy for me and my soul and who's going to nourish my soul and make me feel elevated and not drained. Now, energetic chords are really fascinating and this is something I've also been thinking

about recently because it is so real. You can create an energetic cord with literally anyone even if you're not having sex with them. So there was a specific person that I met a couple of years ago and I really cared about him and I really just liked him and I saw him as someone that was, yes, someone I could be romantic with, but also it just felt like maybe in a past life we had been friends and there was this element and dynamic. It was so hard to shake off when it ended. Like it took me so long to process that I couldn't talk to him anymore. And there was always this energetic tie where it wasn't just about, you know, the intimacy

because I never slept with him. I never touched him. It was just the conversations being in his presence, hanging out with him. It created this weird karmic tie with him where I couldn't get over it for the longest fucking time. It ate at me because it just felt like there was unfinished carmic business going on. I don't know what it was. I don't know why I had been so attached, but there was definitely a tie there and I think he also felt it and was aware of it. And that just showed me how powerful energetic cords really are because I

didn't even sleep with that person and he still was on my mind and he still affected me and it was still hurting me for the longest time. With that being said, when you're actually sleeping with someone. Not only are they in your subconscious now and in your soul now, but they're in your womb. They're in your energetic field. And I read something about how we can carry other people's emotions and their baggage with us after we've slept with them or after we've had long conversations with them for extended periods of time or after we've been messaging them for months or after, you know, we've told them very intimate details about our life or slept next to them and cuddled with them. And I do think there's a

truth to that because I'd never had a dynamic like that ever in my life where I hadn't slept with a man and yet I was still so attached to them and I was still so emotionally tied to them for some weird reason and I do believe in past lives maybe we were together in a past life maybe we were family in a past life I have no fucking clue but all I know is that energetic cords are very very real and they could be very strong and that is also why I've become very selective about who I'm intimate with about who is sleeping next to me at night about who gets be in my divine essence. My perspective now is that sex isn't just sex. It's a contract. It's an energetic contract that you're making with another soul. And that might be too woo-woo and intense for

some of you listening, but this is how I see it. This is how I view it. This is my experience. And maybe you can relate. The other thing is as a woman, I have a uterus. I have a womb. And the womb is where we carry life. We carry life force. After doing a lot of energy work in Kundalini, if you haven't watched the How to Have an Energy glow up episode with my friend Isabel, highly recommend that one to learn more about the energy work I've been doing in Bali. But something we uncovered in one of my sessions, and I'll never forget it, is when she saw hooks on my uterus. And she was like removing a lot of dead weight and energy off of my uterus. And my whole life I've experienced problems with PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's a hormone

imbalance disorder that can affect your ovaries, affect your uterus, and it could cause fertility complications, and it develops cysts on your ovaries, which can be very painful and cause a lot of other imbalances in your body. I realized that I had developed PCOS after being in my first real relationship with a man and having sex for the first time, I started experiencing these really painful cysts. Something we discussed in the energy healing is that when you are intimate with the wrong people that are toxic for you, that are draining, that are not on your vibrational level, that cannot handle your power or your essence, it can drain your body, deplete it, and actually cause health issues and fertility issues. I also talk about this in my

how toxic relationships can make you sick episode, where I was also experiencing similar things, my body is so sensitive that when I would sleep with someone that wasn't right for me, I started developing health issues with my uterus, with my PCOS, and with my hormones, and it would cause my body to flare up and become inflamed. Last year, that was when I knew I needed to take a break from intimacy and from having sex, because the last person I slept with was someone that I wasn't officially dating yet. I thought it was going in that direction for a hot minute and that's why I did it in the first place because I trusted that it was a really good connection. And then what happened was I started having all these weird symptoms in my body. My skin

was literally on fire and sex was sorry to be TMI. This might be a little TMI, but the last time I was intimate, it was super painful. It was really, really painful. And I realized that my body was literally rejecting that person's energy for whatever reason, not saying he's a bad, terrible person, but I am saying that I knew that it wasn't right for my body and I knew that there was something off because I physically reacted that way. That was the last time I decided that I was going to be intimate with someone I wasn't in a really divine soulmate type of partnership with because my body would literally not let me be with that person anymore. As I was doing all this energy work and, you know, we were going through my womb and cleansing my womb and all this

ancestral trauma and everything I've been through. There was something else that came up with past timelines and how your mother or your grandmother or your great grandmother, if they've been through any type of trauma or toxic relationships or anything related to the womb and they carried it with them, they could pass that trauma and DNA onto the next person. So if your grandmother or your mother had experienced some sort of trauma around sex or intimacy, her DNA can transfer over to you and you could develop some sort of issues based on her DNA because everything is connected. That was a really fascinating thing that came up in the energy work sessions because there was a lot of trauma that happened to my mom and to her mother and to her great-grandmother

and, you know, if you don't heal those cycles, if you don't heal that DNA, if you don't break the cycles from your ancestors and from the female lineage on your mother's end, you might carry that with you into the future, into your relationships sexually, or give birth and pass it on to your children. I knew that it was my duty on this earth to clear my ancestral trauma around sex and intimacy. And once I started really doing that and healing my uterus and all of those issues, not only have I not had any gyneological problems since, but I haven't had any desire to sleep with anyone random or have casual intimacy with anyone. And that's a beautiful thing because now I know when I do want to do that, it will be sacred. It will be so special and it will be

something that I really look forward to and something where I feel safe and valued and adored and protected by the man that I choose to be intimate with. I know that my husband is also going to see sleeping with me as a sacred union between our souls. I know that he will and maybe he won't, you know, be as spiritual and say it in those terms, but I know he's going to value me and my energy the way that I need in order to feel safe enough to sleep with him. I had a pattern in my early 20s of sleeping with men who were inconsistent, who lacked the stability that I really needed, and who were hot and cold with me or made me feel anxious. And if I did sleep with them, would they run? If I did sleep with them, would they walk away and abandon me? You know,

I had all those thoughts sleeping with random people, but that is just not for me anymore. That is just not for me anymore because I know that my energy is very sacred. And this morning when I was sitting next to this man who is telling me, you know, I don't think it's that big of a deal if you know, just if you want to have sex, have sex type of mentality. I just said, yeah, but for a woman, it's just, I think it's different because at least for me, my body is a portal of divine light. I've worked so hard to heal and clear old patterns and take care of myself and feel good in my body and feel grounded and feel safe in my body. And I just don't want anyone to have access to that. Why would I let some random person have access to my divine energy? That's how I see it

though. Once again, this is a judgment-free zone and I respect anyone else's views on intimacy. I'm a very open-minded person and I'm happy to have these conversations and that's also why I was so open with him talking about it because from his perspective, he just sees his energy and his body and his view of the world and dating and relationships differently. But for me, this is just my new experience. And And I can relate to people who don't really treat sex in the same way because I used to also see the world from that lens too. So it's just interesting. It's an interesting topic of conversation.

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments. If you want to share your viewpoints, if you agree, if you disagree, I'd love to hear your perspective about intimacy in the comments on Spotify or on YouTube. The other thing I wanted to cover is if you did sleep with someone and you don't feel like it was aligned. You may feel a little bit regretful. Like I don't know why I did that and you're listening to this right now. I've been there too. I've been through experiences where I've slept with people and I was like, why did I really do that? And I'm here to tell you that it's an easy fix. Okay. So if you're currently struggling with this, you slept with someone, you know they don't

value you. You know that it's not the right person and they're not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. Here's what you do. Energetic cord cutting. Okay. I do this often, not even about sex, just in general, if I meet someone and I feel like we've created an energetic chord, I'll go on YouTube and listen to an energetic cord-cutting meditation before I go to sleep, and I'll drift off into sleep doing the meditation. And this is also why I created the Dare to Detach Masterclass. The master class that I created is there to literally help you cord cut. Dare to Detach is literally there to help you cord cut and completely remove yourself so you can

move on with peace, be more grounded in your energy, and take back your power. I would love to see you there. We have an amazing community in there. But the other thing you could do is just cord cut using a YouTube video. There's a lot more to it for sure. But I think if you just start there and then maybe you like it, try the masterclass as well because it goes into way more detail. It's way more guided.

It's way more structured. And it will completely rewire your brain and help you detach and let go in just four days. Now let's talk about casual dating. Am I dating? Am I casually dating, entertaining anyone? No. I'm not because of what I just talked about. I think a lot of people have messaged me and they're always curious about my dating and love life. You will know when I've met my fiance. You will know when I'm getting married. I will definitely have my husband sitting next to me on an episode. We're going to explain how we met, how he courted me, how he pursued me, how he saw me and knew that I was his wife, because that's what's happening. So I'm just putting it out there, get ready, get prepared. Because when I do me, him. He's going to make several futures on the podcast. And that's on manifesting. That's on knowing what I want. I just feel like I've come so far knowing what I want, what I deserve,

and I won't settle for less. I'm commanding it to be true. That's also how I've been living my life just in general. Now being here, being in my energy, being so grounded in who I am and growing into the woman I've always wanted to be, I'm dictating my reality and I make my own choices based on what I want for my future. So if I was already with my husband, would I be entertaining randos? Would I be entertaining random peasantry people? Peasantry. I don't even know what that's a word. Sorry. Would I be entertaining random peasant people that don't see my worth that are just there to mess around, fuck around, try to have sex with me? No, no, no, no, no. I know I wouldn't be entertaining anything like that because if you really are looking to manifest, you have to embody the energy

of the person you want to be. So if I'm a wife already, I'm not going to be entertaining random dusties on the street. So that's how I see it. That's how I view it. And I am so open-hearted. I'm so open to meeting new people.

You know, I've built an amazing community of friends here in Bali. I love the people that I hang out with. I love my women friends. And yeah, if he's here, great. If the love of my life is here, great. But I think I know where he is. And that's all I'll say.

I think I know where he is. intuitively. I have a lot of things planned for this year as far as the podcast, as far as work goes. But if I could give you one piece of advice about manifesting or calling in your person is to embody the frequency and the identity of a wife or a husband or whoever's listening to this podcast right now, man or woman, you know that manifestation comes with already living at the frequency of which you desire. So I'm holding myself to that frequency. I'm not budging. I'm not going to entertain people who are just there for the short term. And I have done that in the past. I've already lived those lives of situationships of, you know, let's just live in the

moment and let's see what happens. I've done all of that. I've been there. But you have to understand that if you are really preparing yourself for a husband, for a divine soulmate counterpart, you're not going to be able to entertain any of those people because suddenly you see life through a totally different perspective. You're going to see dating from a totally different lens. And don't get me wrong, it can be isolating and lonely. Like, it can be lonely, okay? I haven't been intimate with anyone in a while. I haven't gone on many dates. I went on one date here since I've been here with a very nice man. He's a very kind, kind person. And it was amazing. It was great because he makes me laugh and he makes me smile and he's a very nice guy. But my point is, when you are telling God and you're

communicating to the universe and God in the higher realms and you're saying, I want my husband, I want my husband. You can't be entertaining your ex-boyfriends, okay? You can't be entertaining people that aren't aligned with your future self that's married. You have to live and embody the reality of being married to that person already. You have to be happy in your own energy. Be satisfied with who you are. Love yourself so deeply so that person is allowed into your space. I also get this comment a lot on TikTok and on my Instagram sometimes too where it's like, who are you to give dating advice about meeting the love of your life when you're single. I'm single by choice because first of all, there's so many layers to this and I think it's important to cover and talk about and

explain. I was in three back-to-back serious relationships. That's where a lot of my dating advice has come from. That's where a lot of my knowledge has come from. But now at this point in my life, as I'm preparing for the love of my life, I want to take you guys on that experience with me because I know it in my bones that it's all in divine timing. It's in my divine timing. When people say, how can you give advice about marriage and meeting someone if you haven't met someone I don't need to have met someone to know that my husband is out there waiting for me it's just in my divine timing I wouldn't be able to create the episodes I've created to give the advice I've given I wouldn't have the podcast if I had already met him because I wouldn't have had any of those other experiences to build what I've created God has a plan for each individual human being everyone has a destiny everyone has their own life path everyone has their own journey of learning and evolve and growing and creating. And this is my path. This is my destined path where I am here to help people

through my past dating experiences to come on camera and talk about them. And I know that. And I know it in my bones and my blood that this is my purpose, this is my calling and my soul's mission. If I had already met my husband five years ago, I wouldn't be here.

None of this would exist. And that's why I know that it's just a matter of timing and I'm trusting in God's plan and God's timing. And when I do meet that person, that person, you'll know. So with that being said, thank you so much as always for listening to the podcast. If you loved it, be sure to share it with a friend. Comment on Spotify if you like this episode and if you want more episodes and if you like the video episodes. Also be sure to hit the follow button on Spotify. It really does help the show grow and share it with a friend.

Also feel free to DM me on Instagram at lists or on a podcast account. I would love to hear from you. I love you. Thank you again and stay tuned for next Monday.