Date Yourself Instead - You're not alone. There are people that DO understand you.

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Hello, from Bali. In this episode, I dive into an experience I had recently feeling pretty isolated in Bali and how I met a stranger on the beach who made me feel way less isolated. In that moment of surrender, I felt nurtured and safe again, which inspired this episode. I also cover the importance of grounding your energy and knowing how to navigate life in a calmer way. Lastly, I cover a valuable takeaway I had after realizing WHY most people can't stay - when you're so powerful, it's hard for people to handle it. Join my masterclasses Mind Body Soul Reset and Dare to Detach Love, Lyss

You are not alone. That is the most valuable takeaway I've received from Bali so far. You are not alone. You are not isolated. You just haven't made enough effort to physically connect with other people around you. Everyone goes through things. Everyone has the same fucking problems and battles and life situations and relationship issues. Everyone has gone same fucking problems and battles and life situations and relationship issues. Everyone has gone through something.

Everyone has been there before. Everyone has had an element of something that you're going through. You can actually connect and relate to other people more than you think you can. Even if it seems like you have literally zero in common with someone else, I can promise you, you can find something if you look deep enough, you will literally zero in common with someone else, I can promise you, you can find something if you look deep enough, you will have something in common with every single human being in this planet. Whether it be you both went through a breakup,

or you both lost someone close to you, or you've experienced depression, or you've experienced loss, or something, something will bind you together if you look for it. I realized this recently when I was struggling with feeling very isolated. When I originally got to Bali, I don't really have that many friends here. I don't really know that many people here. The main person that I know who's become one of my dearest friends here and who's literally

an angel sent from heaven is my friend Isabelle who does Kundalini energy work on me. So I know her, but other than that, I don't have my group of girlfriends, a circle. I've been alone and I've been spending a lot of time in healing mode, kind of isolating myself, working on my masterclass, the mind body soul reset, working on just my inner healing, my growth, my my involvement as a woman. I Came here for very specific reasons to really better myself and ground myself and become more confident in the work that I'm doing and who I'm becoming as a woman and

Bali does that for me Bali has a very strong powerful energy Bali has a very strong, powerful energy. Bali has this very activated energy and it feels like you're literally in a spiritual vortex when you're here. Whenever I land here, I feel like everything just manifests faster. Time doesn't move in the same way that it does on the west side of the world, everything feels very different. It just feels energetically very intense in a good way, but also it forces you to face yourself. It forces you to deal with your inner turmoil and it forces you to go deep within yourself

and it purges a lot of emotions if you are alone and you're coming here to heal. Now if you're coming here to party and go out and go to Finn's Beach Club, that's a totally different timeline of Bali and that's a totally different Bali experience. And you can honor both, you can do both, you know, there's nothing wrong with having a good time and partying and going out. But for me, I utilize Bali as a means to really go deep and heal within and face myself. And this may be too deep for some people. I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but on today's episode, I really just wanted to give you my experience and the lessons that I've learned so far and what it's taught me so far because there were some crazy takeaways,

one of them being that you're never alone. Even if you're physically feeling alone and for example, I'm in my studio right now, there's no one around me, I haven't spoken to anyone really in a couple of days, I was getting in my head about my life and who I am and my identity. I was having a literal identity crisis over the last few days because I haven't really had any human connection.

I haven't really had any friends here to distract me or to get my mind out of my thoughts. And at the end of my energy work session last night, Isabel handed me these oracle cards and they all have different messages and meanings on each card but they're all face down. Sorry, she didn't hand me the card, she told me to pick a card and they're all spread out on the floor. So I was like okay and I had just told her and finished telling her that I felt very isolated and I was like, okay. And I had just told her and finished telling her that I felt very isolated and I was going through a period of isolation. And that I realized that sometimes God will isolate you

before he elevates you. It's one of my favorite quotes. God will isolate you before he elevates you. Because if you have to prepare for a new season of your life and you're about to up level and transform in a brand new way and jump timelines into a brand new reality where you're stronger, more confident and you manifest faster. Sometimes you have to do these seasons alone in order to really prep for it.

You have to become a mental warrior. You have to become a spiritual warrior. You have to fight through that period of loneliness. So I pull the card after the session and the card, keep in mind there's like, there has to be at least 50 cards spread out on this floor and I pull this card that says you're not alone. Isolation, physical connection and being one with the universe and the energy of the universe and realizing that your angels are still here with you, your spirit guides are still with you, God is still with you, you're never alone.

It was such a beautiful, empowering message and when I pulled that card after just talking about it with her, I was like, God's real, energy's real. All of this work we're doing is real. This is not a coincidence. Nothing is a coincidence. It was such a beautiful moment for me. I almost started crying, because I was like, this is the most beautiful, profound thing that could have happened

in this very moment. Just getting this clear message. I'm not alone. There's always someone to talk to. There is always a friend or a peer or a mentor or a stranger that can help you along your path even when you're feeling really isolated. Another thing that happened to me,

which I made another episode about was I had a lot of issues uploading some files for work. My computer broke. It was a mess. It was one of those days where nothing was going according to plan. And I was starting to panic and I felt this like fire burning through my chest.

It was like heartburn, but it was really just stuck energy. It was stuck energy. And I went to the beach that night with no solutions. I was like, I don't know what to do. My computer's broken. I might have to leave Bali. I was going back and forth about what to do because there's no Apple store here. And I was like, well, I have to get my work done.

I surrendered completely, took myself to the beach and started balling my eyes out. And that's when a stranger sat down next to me and approached me and talked me out of my negative thought patterns and calmed me down. And I realized even I need to be nurtured. I am usually the nurturer helping people, helping people heal, giving advice, spreading wisdom, and doing the work to show up for people. And here I am in a vulnerable moment

where actually I need to be nurtured too. I can't isolate myself. I have to still have human connection. Just because I'm dating myself instead doesn't mean I can't have human connection and talk to people and still have meaningful conversations. I think my heart was a little closed up because I had been dealing with a lot of

Trapped pain and that's where all the burning sensation in my chest was coming from. So between the experience I had last night pulling that card and then the experience where a stranger had sat down with me on the beach and Made me feel nurtured and nurtured me back to life. I was like, human connection is so important. Knowing that you're not alone is so important. Knowing that we've all gone through heartbreak. We've all experienced loss and betrayal

and we all have these emotions in common. It doesn't matter if you're an A-list celebrity. It doesn't matter your status. It makes't matter if you're an A-list celebrity, it doesn't matter your status. It makes no difference if you're Taylor Swift or you're me or you're you. We're all humans. We're all humans and we all have basic human needs and one of those human needs is human connection. We weren't put on this earth to do life alone. And I also want to make a point of this because I know the brand, Date Yourself Instead, I think when people initially discover it, I've gotten a lot of messages being like, oh, so does this mean like we don't ever meet anyone or date anyone and we're just dating ourselves

and like, do you even want a relationship? I'm like, of course I want a relationship. Of course I want to be in love and be with my soulmate and get married and have a relationship. I'm like of course I want a relationship. Of course I want to be in love and be with my soulmate and get married and have a family and I hope one day all of those things happen and come to life so I can document that journey and that side of things and being in a healthy loving relationship so I can spread wisdom about that. But dating yourself doesn't mean isolation. Dating yourself means you're honoring your boundaries

and knowing your worth and loving yourself, regardless if you're with someone or not. It has nothing to do with actually being alone. So for me, it was a wake-up call because I had spent so many years kind of closing off my energy when things would get hard and I would go through a breakup, I had closed myself off and I had closed my heart and I'd be like I don't want anyone to talk to me I need to do my own thing I'm

independent I could take care of myself but the truth is you don't always have to be strong you don't always have to be this hard rock. When things get hard, you could still be open and loving and vulnerable and still be receptive to connecting to anyone, even if it's a complete stranger for a moment in time. So that moment for me on the beach, that moment of surrender where I was literally crying and a stranger sat down next to me, that was one of the most defining moments of my life. And it sounds maybe a little bit dramatic but it was a huge shift for me mentally and internally because I realized the importance even if it's someone you've never seen or met before there are so many beautiful souls out there waiting to connect with you. There are so many good people in this world that you haven't met yet. So don't lose hope and

faith if you're going through a period of struggle and isolation and you feel like no one understands you and you feel like no one gets you or can relate to you. I understand on a very small scale, on a much smaller scale, why celebrities turn to drugs and isolate themselves and go off the deep end. And I'm not saying that in any negative way, but you see a lot of this happening in these industries and in these worlds where these people are the most famous people in the world and then they spiral. I see where that comes from.

You're not able to fully connect with people the same way you used to. And you're not grounded in your energy because you're feeling so separated from the rest of the world and human beings because you're at this level where people are looking at you and idolizing you and they're not connecting with you on a human, real level.

I empathize with people of very high status that feel that feeling of isolation to an extreme because it feels like no one really understands you. It can cause this feeling of dissociation and you're not really in a physical reality because you're always performing and always putting on this mask and this show for the world to idolize you and then those fans can't really connect with you on a deep spiritual emotional level

because they're just looking at you as this like, idol versus looking at you as a true human being. Not to say I'm a celebrity, but I felt a degree of that starting to happen to me where I would be looked at more as someone people could go to versus just me being me versus me just being a friend or me just being, you know, me for me, not me being this host of a podcast and helping the world. I just for a second needed a grounding moment and that stranger who had no idea who the fuck I was, some random man who's not random, I think he was godsend in that moment, sat down next to me and brought

me back to earth. It was so beautiful and divine and just taught me the power of human connection and really looking into someone's soul and saying, how are you doing today? Or, you know, what's on your mind? It can make the world of a difference. It could change someone's life. It's so beautiful. The other beautiful takeaway that I had recently from my time here in Bali is the power of really knowing how to ground your energy when things go wrong. Because I'm the type of person whose brain kind of like

explodes if I'm faced with something really stressful, my mind starts racing. And I've dealt with anxiety and depression for most of my life. And I've mastered it to an extent and I've gotten really better and good at holding my shit together and keeping my shit together and keeping calm and stressful situations. But at the same time, I think my thoughts and where I was directing my energy was always going in all these different directions and constantly causing chaos in my body and in my soul. And being here has taught me the power of knowing how to ground yourself so you can show up better in

the world. So instead of going on my phone and looking at people's stories and answering DMs the first thing when I wake up in the morning, I won't go on my phone now because I know that it's going to knock me out of alignment and I need to be grounded first thing in the morning. Protecting your energy and directing your energy consciously and knowing where you're putting your thoughts will ground you and it will make you show up better in the world and allow you to be a better friend, a better person, a better aunt for me. I never really gave my proper attention and love and devotion to my family the way that I should have in past years because I wasn't truly in alignment with who I was and I wasn't grounded enough in my energy. I didn't know how to ground my energy properly but being here has taught me the power of directing your

thoughts. When you know where to direct your thoughts and you're not all over the place and you're not doing a million things at once, you could actually get a lot more accomplished. When I was stressed out about my work, what I did was instead of freaking out for the next week, I gave myself space to breathe and I did some breath work and I grounded my energy and I meditated and I took a nap and I did things that were going to calm myself down and calm my nervous system down so I could approach the problem from a place of groundedness and peace versus, oh my god, I'm freaking out, I can't figure this out. That energy is not going to get you anywhere, productive.

These solutions come when you know how to ground your energy. The magic comes and ideas come and the solutions to your problems will come when you come from a place of groundedness and you calm yourself and you have a controlled calm nervous system. Nothing gets accomplished when you're freaking out and panicking. I can promise you that. Because I've tried that and that doesn't work. That never works. When you freak out and panic, all that does is create anxiety.

All that does is create fear and it blocks you from seeing the solution. But when you operate from a place of genuine peace and ease and you trust that you're gonna figure it out and you keep telling yourself I've got this, I've got this under control, I'm gonna figure this out, that's when you find the solution. And everything ended up working out and everything's all good because I grounded my energy. One of my favorite hacks to figuring things out and to finding solutions to your problems is to take your focus and attention so heavily off of the problem. If you are so fixated on a problem, you'll notice it becomes more and more of a problem. It becomes more and

more stressful. But when you actually learn how to shift your attention away from the severity of the problem and you gently detach from it You'll find a solution because you're coming from a place of genuine Groundedness I was out to dinner with Isabel last night and I need to have her on the podcast because we have these amazing Conversations and every time we talk I like, I wish I recorded this conversation because it is so profound. And she's just like a wizard. She's so intelligent and so amazing.

And she's changed my life. And we do Kundalini work together here. And it's completely transformed me as a person. And one of the things we were discussing was this concept of how powerful you become when you truly do the work to heal on yourself. And when you become that powerful, there's not going to be a lot of people or romantic partners that can handle the amount that you provide and that can handle your type of power.

And so they'll run away or they'll shy away or they'll just say, you know, you're too much for me or they're too insecure to handle the type of power that you bring to the table as a woman. And we were talking about this whole example of like Taylor Swift, Travis Kelsey, how she was always dating men that couldn't handle her power. She's a very powerful divine creator. Taylor Swift is a very powerful creator. She's a very powerful manifestor and she's a very powerful creator. So she needed someone at her level who also is a very powerful creator in their own unique way. Same applies to you or to me or to Isabelle.

unique way. Same applies to you or to me or to Isabel. It's this concept of aligning yourself with people that can handle the power that you bring to the table. A lot of the times it doesn't work out with a specific person is not because they were better than you. They didn't break up with you because they're better than you and they want better and they think they could do better, it's because you were too powerful for them. And God knows that and God knows and is watching the relationship and saying, you can't be with a person like this.

So I'm going to remove them and kick them out of your vortex and kick them out of your life because you are too powerful to be with someone like that. You need to be with a man or a woman or a partner that can handle the amount of power that you bring to the table. Because you are a divine creator, and you are so special, and you are so unique,

and so beautiful, and your energy is so magnetic, and you can't be with someone that's just taking that magnetism away. You can't be with someone that's taking that power and draining that power. You need to be with someone that's taking that power and draining that power. You need to be with someone who can handle the space for you and enhance that power and make you more powerful and make you more in your power.

I keep saying the word power, but it's so amazing when you look at it from that mindset and that perspective because that's actually what's happening. All the men that I've dated in my past and it's not saying anything negative about them but I don't think they could handle my energy levels and what I was capable of. They couldn't handle me being a divine being and creator. I held so much energetic space and instead of supporting that space and giving me more to create and giving me that space to be myself, they tried to just take me down instead.

The people that I dated in my past were literally taking my power and bringing it down and diminishing it because they couldn't handle it. If you're with someone that is diminishing your power and making you feel small, it's because they can't handle it. And they're taking that and bringing you down to their level because they can't handle how fucking incredible you are. And how magnetic you are. And how divine you are. When you look at it through that lens, everything changes because you realize how amazing you are and how you deserve someone at your level that can actually bring your power up and enhance you. If you're a battery,

you need a charger that fits into your battery that will fuel you and ignite you and empower you and make you an even better version of you. That's how you know you're with the right person too. When you are a more empowered, better version of you and you glow even more and shine even more and you're energized around that person, that's a good person to have in your life. But if you feel like you have to diminish yourself and you're drained from another human being, get away from them. Literally point blank,

get away from them. It's not worth it to drain your energy and your magnetism and your beauty and everything that you have to offer the world for another person. It is not fucking worth it and it'll never be worth it. And you will regret it if you continue down that path with that person. It is not fucking worth it and it'll never be worth it and you will regret it if you continue down that path with that person. You deserve so much more out of life. You deserve someone that lifts you up and can hold the space for you energetically and make you feel more powerful. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Date Yourself Instead. Thank you as always for listening to the podcast. If you haven't, be sure to check out the masterclass,

the Mind Body Soul Reset. I am so excited for all of you to up level and heal. If you haven't already, also be sure to rate the podcast on Apple and Spotify and send me a message on Instagram, Atlas or on the podcast account at Date Yourself Instead if you've been loving the episodes. Thank you as always. I'm grateful for you.

I'm sending you lots of love and healing. Stay tuned for next Monday.