D&D is For Nerds - Barovia III #22 Negotiations

Episode Date: July 6, 2024

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Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido.

At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Far from the beautiful beaches of blue sand of my homeland is a place called Barovia, the place we now find ourselves. While they may look very different, one thing is the same, the sensation of being surrounded.

We cannot leave this place, this disgusting barony of one Strahd von Zarovich, at least not until we usurp him and take the throne for ourselves. Careful, though, Friesen carries a heavy price in these parts. One of the guards holds up a spear with a little white flag on it. The Burgermaster wishes to make parley with you. I'll do it. I say I'll do it. Hail, I'm speaking on behalf of Bigfoot Paul. Follow us then.

We will take you to the Burgermaster. Okay. Can I... Before we go, I'd like to know the Burgermaster's demands. The Burgermaster... The conditions of the parlay. The Burgermaster does not make me aware of such things.

Okay. All I know is you have promises of safe conduct until the parlay is concluded. Okay. Yeah, lead the way. I can give a glance over my shoulder as we start to go. Don't let them take me. But I'll follow them. As you're riding away, or as you're walking away,

sorry, the horses are not for you. Yeah, I didn't think so. As you walk behind them, you hear someone call out, do you, Pip? One moment, gods, yes? John Cavendish is jogging over from the formation there Ah, yes Mr. Cavendish

My assistant Cavendish gives a little I give him a look like Yes I have He looks at the gods And then you see like gears turning really quickly. I have experience as a notary.

I can formalize any agreement you come to. Exactly. If we're to write up some kind of contract for the future of Kootery, we'll need to do it properly. The guard shakes his head. Sorry, he doesn't care. Okay. Phew. I'll mail thank you as we as we leave uh uh just letting you know i mean i'm coming to help but uh he looks around at the gods flanking you i don't know how much help i'll be i'm just happy to not be alone so that's that's fine right right um what's going on it's a very long story john cavendish so it's a very long story i

i are the gods listening yeah well they're close enough that they could hear if they wanted to yeah yeah i just don't know how much i want to reveal okay um maybe a story better told under less um contentious circumstances sure sure yes yeah yeah of course okay you are taken not to the burgomaster's house but which you see is a flame yeah you are taken instead to a fine end the tavern inside you can say well before you get inside you can see it's been converted into a makeshift fortress. There are, what guards are loyal to the Burgermaster? So any guard, basically, that isn't

flayed is here. They've set up makeshift barricades, they've bricked up all of, every door except the main door is bricked up and all of the windows are boarded over. It's as much of a fortress as they can make it. You can see the position where you killed the Purchase Master

is now manned by their people instead. And you can see that there are quite a few of the rebel element are dead here just before the barricades. Concerning. Cool. You enter into a fine end. Most of the tables and chairs

have been pushed off all to the edges of the building, except for in the dead center of the room, where you can see the Burgermaster, Burgermaster Alina Tomac, in all of her regalia, as if you're in It just didn't even happen

yeah as if it didn't happen in addition to that an odd and notable difference is you can see that there are eight pots about I don't know how high you'd say that is what's that like a meter or a meter and a half maybe off the ground

yeah a meter or a meter and a half tall-ish that are also about quite wide as well. They look almost like drums made to hold like a large amount of liquid. You can see all of them are sealed, sealed with some sort of wax. Right. Do they strike me as anything? Is there anything about them that is familiar to me? Oh, wow.

You might know. Hubba hubba. Okay. Well, you don't have a lot of formal training in magic. No. You do know some things. And I suppose this is something worth knowing about. It's maybe something once as part of your training or as part of learning about some enemy you had to destroy.

You learned about the concept of a phylactery. Okay. So you understand how a lich is. I know about a l, you learnt about the concept of a phylactery. So you understand how a lich is... Well, this is not a phylactery, though. This is instead the effects of a... it's called a clone spell. So as part of the spell, you create a body that then you

preserve, keep safe somewhere. And then if you die, you go into the... It appears that the burja master has eight of them left okay and presumably she's taking them here because her house is on fire yes yes right fabulous to put them on one place probably a mistake but if i attack any of them i will be instantly killed yes this place is is swarming yes swarming. Yeah, swarming with guards. Oh, okay. The Virgin Master gestures at a table, and she was assuming a delegation larger than

the two of you, so three extra chairs are removed from your side of the table. Some parchment for my notary, I say. Pen and paper are brought over for your notary. Okay, just gonna act a part. He sits down at one side of the table, or one end of the table,

and you sit down at the other with the Burgermaster on the other side. You speak for the leader of the rebels, Bigfoot Paul? I do, yes. I wish to make a deal with you. What are the terms? The terms are an immediate ending to hostilities between our two factions. Okay, I think that's something Bigfoot Paul would acquiesce to. In exchange, I wish for the following concessions.

I wish for half a million in gold sovereigns, which I will take from the town pursers. It is a comparatively paltry sum. I wish for safe passage out of Kuchery and by extension a lack of shall we say

a promise of a promise of a lack of retribution for past, she does air quotes, crimes committed within this town. I think that's something we could perhaps um agree on in an official sense but we have no way of stopping anyone you've orphaned from seeking revenge down the track bigfoot paul and uh your other leaders iona and pyrrhon the leaders, Iona and Pirin, have significant sway, I would accept

a written statement from all three of them, simply asking people not to seek retribution. Who are you, by the way? Pip Mandarin. She pauses for a second. General Pip

Mandarin, from the uprising a year ago. Formerly, formerly yeah i thought you were dead in the flesh huh and they and they got you to negotiate um does that change perhaps i should have asked for more she says well you didn't um in exchange for uh your assurances and the amount of money i wish oh uh this lack of retribution this safe passage extends to my soldiers i feel it uh uh obvious to point out but they would vacate Kutri also? We will all leave willingly. I have a summer home, if you will, in Valakai.

We will make good there. Well, I mean, kind of would be my guest. To counterpoint, if we are to agree to the lack of retribution, we would want the same in return. If you are to leave and you discover that what is outside of Kutri is not to your liking,

under no circumstances could you come back and seek bloodshed or revenge. Why would I want to come back here? I don't know. I just would like it in writing. Have you not heard? Heard what? Valakai is strad free. Says who? She leans in and there's a wicked curl to her smile.

Father Limic. Right. Okay. If one does not mind the cold, one can find safety from his gaze there. Fabulous. Are there any other concessions that you wish to make? one can find safety from his gaze there. Fabulous. Are there any other concessions that you wish to make? No, I want for nothing else. Do you know where Ludmilla is?

She is in, as ever, her abattoir. John Cavendish pipes up. He's been writing all of this down. You can see he's drafting a contract, basically. Oh, he is a notary. It looks very official. I just sort of thought he was just saying whatever. He's making, I would say, actually, no, he's writing a contract. And you can see he's also drafting the letters that Iona, Pyrrhon, and Bigfoot Paul would be signing.

Cool. But as he's doing that, he looks up and he says, perhaps with all of your soldiers, a little assistance in toppling a dictator. Yes. My notary makes a good point. An alliance of sorts? That's a persuasion check. What's your persuasion, my good friend? I don't think it's great.

It's got to be high. So much charisma. Well loved. I can see my way to doing this, but in exchange, we will need hazard pay. I would change the amount of money I shall take from the coffers from half to, let us say one million sovereigns do we have um written a record somewhere of the current state of the coffers

the burgeon master snaps her fingers and then a very you would describe him as rat like man basically the closest a human being can get to a rat without actually being a were-rat. I love this man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big fan. He comes over, the stench of mothballs washes over you. He's got a big ledger. He sets that down in front of you, and he says,

you may peruse at your discretion. Oh, he talks like a rat, too. Yeah, thank you. I'll have a look in the ledger to see discretion. That's correct. Yeah, thank you. I'll have a look in the ledger to see how much she's taking, how much she's screwing us. You are, I mean, you know your numbers. Yeah. So you're capable of, you know, counting past ten.

I know what's a high number and what's a low number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. You know your numbers, but you've never trained as an accountant. No. So looking over it, it's really hard to tell. It's really hard to properly understand how much money Kutcheri has. Okay.

The idea of assets and debts is something, I mean, it's obviously a very easy concept to get around just the names, but to understand what assets are worth how much. Because something can be valued at one amount, but then it can actually be worth a different amount. So it's really difficult. But you think vaguely that a million sovereigns might be a fifth of the town's total wealth. Okay, that's not too bad.

How does Kutcheri make its money? Well, looking through the ledger, you can see that she gets several places. She gets a stipend from Strahd himself. We'd be losing that. Yeah, I hadn't considered that, but yes, you would be losing that. That forms about a third of Kuchari's total income. Okay, so actually we're losing quite a bit more.

Yeah. Also, what does Kuchari need money for? Well, great question. Communist utopia. But generally, what trade is it doing? Well, that's what I was trying to figure out. Another third fully comes from trade with the outside world. That part is a very thick section of the ledger.

You can see that the amount of trade that you've already seen in Kutry, the few traders you've seen come and go, is a tiny fraction of how much trade Kutry actually deals in. There's quite a lot of trade that happens with other... You see... Hang on, let me get... I can give you a list of names, actually. Oh, cool. So what does Kutcheri make to trade as meat?

Surprisingly, as much as it might seem like all of the meat is sent below, a lot of meat does actually get sent out of Kutcheri. You can see you are very uncomfortable learning that at least of the one third that gets traded out of Kuturi to places unknown at least half of that one third

half of it is meat, the other half is items that adventurers have left behind left behind pretty much you can see that the other there is a lot of trade with Blutspur, Borka, Darkon, Falkovnia, Haslan, and Mordent. There's a bunch of other names, but those are the big ones.

Those are the big ones. Okay. What the hell is that? Yeah. People's assuming further dark places. Pretty much. Yeah. Okay.

I guess this little city of Barovia. Yeah. It's like the bread basket or like the farming and the wheat and all that. This is just like, I feel like Barovia is butchery. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Barovia is slaughterhouse.

Slaughterhouse. How many. We're keeping them cows. How many soldiers do you have? Well, they would. Well, they partially. I have described previously, as you've done a loop around Couturee, there is a lot of almost factory farms in and around. So one third comes directly from Strahd,

one third is trade with the outside world, and then the final third is just internal economy. Just the few people who have money here buying things and selling things. How many soldiers do I think she has? Well, if you'd rolled a bit better, you could know from the payroll, but unfortunately, there's

too many for you to have done a count. Okay, but basically what I'm wondering is, I'm just thinking about the rebuilding of Kuchuri, and I'm thinking Kuchuri is on fire now. So we might need a hand in reconstructing some of these buildings.

Do I think that she has enough that I could theoretically ask for her to leave some guys behind temporarily to help us rebuild the city? She has a lot of guys. She, yeah, you'd think. Okay.

You think that she has enough people that unless Strahd himself comes down to smite her she probably will be able to assure herself safe passage to valakai all right then i'll say i would be we would be willing to agree to the terms of this alliance in further exchange kutcheri as you can see has been left in quite a state perhaps you could see yourself um see a way to lending us a small cadre of your soldiers to help in the reconstruction of the city they'd stay here temporarily we could look after food and board that kind of thing and then at the end they could return to you in valakai and what would you offer me in exchange you're getting this in exchange for the extra money you're getting from the coffers. I'm getting the extra money to help fight the princess.

All right. I'll agree to a million sovereigns if you provide us with support in attacking the abattoir. I think for our needs, that's far more necessary. Very well. I look at Cavendish to see if he's got anything else to say. You can see he's, as you're saying things, he's basically writing them down. If you look for his input, he looks over at you

and very quickly he jots down on a piece of paper, how can I help? And he passes the paper and pen to you. Basically what I'm thinking right now is in the fight against strad numbers could be important okay so you're maybe going to ask for her to help yeah that's kind of what's on pip's mind i mean pip pip does you know he'll make strange bedfellows if he has to. Maybe I write down on the paper, Strahd with a question mark,

and then push it over to Cavendish. Cavendish looks at that, looks at you very incredulously. Like, you've already explained to him that you are intent on taking down Strahd. Yeah. But he looks at you as if you were joking before. Like he wasn't taking you seriously. He looks at you now with that same expression of like,

are you for real? Okay. It's a vote of no confidence over there. That's fair. If you stay firm, he makes like a little okay sort of gesture. And then thinking for a moment, he looks up and says, a million sovereigns will basically leave Kuturi in the long term, destitute. It'll just be a matter of time.

So for any guarantees at Kuturi's future of any sort, the problem of Strahd will need to be dealt with. And I mean, once Kutcheri, once Strahd has gotten his revenge on the people here, it's only a matter of time until he comes for the woman he perhaps feels to blame, ultimately, for all of this. Is there perhaps some agreement we can come to where your soldiers can help in a... Should it come to it? Cavendish nuts,

slowly. A push, shall we say. Or a battle. The enemy of my enemy. The Burj Master leans back. This is a large proposal you offer.

Strahd, you understand, has not been defeated in my lifetime, nor in the lifetime of my parents or their parents. It happens once every so often, but it never lasts.

Perhaps someone so so often, but it never lasts. Perhaps someone so capable as yourself. There is a certain irony to Pip being like, we're doing it again, but this time it'll work. There's a

absolutely, there's like a she's not putting necessarily a lot of faith in you specifically, but she continues onwards to say, I have heard also that you have amassed several allies who either are powerful in their own right or who perhaps, at the very least, while unproven, may stand some chance against Strahd. Perhaps these adventurers might even be so powerful to fight him to be killed by him himself. Not many adventurers get to claim that honor. In any case, if I were to offer you guarantees of future prosperity, I would need guarantees of future prosperity, I would need guarantees of future prosperity myself.

So, perhaps we could, instead of counting sovereigns, forego that matter entirely, and simply instead create a new constitution for Kuchari, one that remains

with a burgomaster, but perhaps a burgomaster with limitations. He's getting us out of Pip's wheelhouse. How? But it's going against... I could write such a constitution, John Cavendish says. John Cavendish says. Whether or not others would approve of it is something we may need to discuss.

Yes, my notary is correct. We would need to take this before Bigfoot Paul. You understand, Burgemaster. She nods. There is a limit to this deal, though. Ludmilla has already sent for assistance, and I believe it to already be in or out. If any of us have any hope of survival, we will need to be a united front, or at the very least, a decided front before it arrives.

I suppose you have, I would guess, a day at at most That's more than I was expecting Hopefully, I say, and I'd like to stand up like to establish that this is the end of the meeting and I extend a hand we can come to some kind of agreement She stands up, looks at your hand for just a moment, just a moment

like it's a dirty thing but then she, checking to make sure she's still wearing a glove, shakes your hand. She's right. Yeah, she's smart. I probably am filthy. Hi, it's Fido. Start the semester with a new phone and a plan full of data without breaking your budget. We have everything you need for an A-plus year.

Come check out our special back-to-school offers. They'll leave you with more cash in your pocket for the stuff you love. Select plans even include data overage protection so you can go all out without going over. Don't wait. Our back-to-school offers are only available for a limited time. Go to Fido.ca or a Fido store near you and save all semester long. Fido. At your side.

This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands.

Friday. Friday. I cannot emphasize enough that this deal has a limit of 24 hours. At the end of that time, or if Strahd's forces arrive, I must pick a side and it will not be yours. I understand. I understand. Okay. Thank you for meeting with me. Though actually I met with you. She nods.

Okay. Cool. Time to go back met with you. She nods. Okay, cool. Time to go back to everyone and be like, hey. Good news, bad news. Hector. Yes? You're swimming in an ocean of darkness. Oh, here again. Oh, no. A familiar

entity manifests before you. Which one? The one you made a deal with very recently. Oh, friend. Yeah. Hey, it's me, a friend. Hello, friend.

I can make everything better with your friend, Iris. Okay. In exchange, I asked for something this time. But it's a small thing that I ask for. What is it you want? Well, I guess I did ask for something last time. Anyway, I'm asking for another thing, but it's another small thing. I'm asking for you

to accept my help one more time while in Barovia before you leave. Okay. And if at any point you happen to come across a cultist, someone you know a cultist, you have to let them go. You'll save Iris?

And I'll save Iris. Not only will I save Iris, I'll put her back to, shall we say, normal. So it didn't work? It's not going to work in the way that you hoped. Put my hand out to shake its hand.

Okay. I agree. Without even, like, no hesitation. Just, yes, yes. It shakes your hand. We have a deal. A compact, if you will. Yes.

Speak to you again. Speak to you soon. Heck, duh. You wake up. Did it work? did it work? I was afraid for a brief moment it looked like it might have it might not have taken

there is theories out there I am at the forefront when it comes to these sorts of blood sciences if you will there is a theory out there that perhaps there are different bloods. And for a moment, I thought perhaps there was.

Iris, it seems, was not going to take it. But she did. So perhaps there is only one blood. Oh, no, I've set science back so far. I'm going to call it type the one. The one that there is. Only A. There will be no need for the rest of the alphabet. All we need is type blood.

There is but one blood type. Blood. Anything else is an error of some other kind. The moment he says it worked, can I see Iris as like, what's the vision? Because honestly, if he starts talking, I am pushing barfing. Sure, sure, sure. Well, you struggle to do that. You have two levels of exhaustion and one hit point.

That is fair. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Here again. Two levels of exhaustion. Yeah, You have two levels of exhaustion and one hit point. That is fair. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, here again. Two levels of exhaustion. Yeah, you have two levels of exhaustion. I had to take quite a lot of blood. I didn't think I'd need that much, but I did.

Is she right? I start trying to walk. The color has completely returned to her you see you see not the not the iris that you rescued but you see just a little girl she's asleep you can tell that she's asleep her chest softly rises and falls and it it looks honestly like a peaceful sleep i just um without trying to wake her up, disturb her, I just want to like just almost like put my hand on her shoulder. Yeah, there's maybe a moment where, yeah.

Just hand on shoulder and just start like, I don't know, like breaking down maybe. Just maybe just to break down. Have a cry. Have a cry. Or just have a little cry and just be like, I'm so happy you're safe. Iona, who was on the other side of Iris, when you first reached out, Iona, maybe the reason you were about to wake her up or whatever and then or about to disturb her and then didn't is because iona

stops you from just completely falling over with grief uh and then once you've settled down iona silently on the is doing the exact same thing as you but silently on the other side of iris yeah again looking up at her iona and just either just mouthing, thank you, just mouthing, like, thank you, thank you. Thank you for everything you did. She is too overwhelmed to properly respond. And just, yeah, even just, like, putting, yeah, putting, like, again, hand over Iris and just kind of, like, squeezing Iona's shoulder,

like, with a genuine just... She puts her hand on your hand. Thank you. And have a bit of a breakdown. Fair enough. Just let it go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let it out.

He's earned it. Yes. If anybody's earned it, it's Hechtal. You're here for a long time. At a certain point, Bigfoot Paul comes over and just checks to make sure that everyone's all right. And then your group moves from out the front of the burning Burj Master, not Burj Master, sorry, out the front of the burning

Sheriff Stroyka wreckage, your group moves instead to a nearby building where you can just be inside, because it's snowing you can be inside and warm I was going to say, I will try and help, you know, yeah. But I'm exhausted. You're in no state. You got one hit point. I will be helped. Sure. I will be helped.

You can see, you're pretty exhausted, so it takes you a while to notice, but you can see that Piran is here as well. He's at the edges of the group. You can see he's not getting too close, and you can see he is very purposely keeping a few people in between him and iona okay okay okay if everyone is calmed down in terms of you know iona is if me and her are like if we're back to a uh i guess a conversational sort. Sure. I could just... So what happened?

We... It was all going according to plan until there was an ambush within this sheriff's abode. A few wizards that we were not prepared for. I began battling with them. I do not know exactly what happened to Pyrrhen

but once my battle was concluded I began searching for Pyrrhen and then the hag the hag? the one the one that cursed Iris she was there is that hag behavior to come back?

not to your knowledge but you're not the hag expert no but you've never heard of that happening ok maybe yeah like

first the burgomaster now the hag nothing is staying dead the hag was talking something with Ludmilla so I presume

perhaps Ludmilla brought the hag back resurrected her perhaps of all the people to resurrect, she chooses her? They had some deal or something. I do not know. It makes sense.

Perhaps part of their deal, I do not know if you are aware of this, but the monsters, long-clawed mechanical beasts, there is a new model of them now. What are they? Do we know what they're using? Anything else? They are faster, stronger. So we're cheetah.

Good. Yes. Yes. The hag attacked us. Did they know you were coming? I think that we stumbled upon something else. Yes, I think the hag was there to harm the sheriff, and then we just simply attacked at the wrong time.

Okay. And this thing, I was like, oh, no, did we need to investigate that one? Yeah. Head just looks out the window. The burning, crumbled ruins of the sheriff's house. So I guess, okay, so Ludmilla was not happy with the sheriff. Something I do not know. Perhaps, yeah, I'm not certain of the specifics.

I think it was more the hag was not happy with Ludmilla. I got the impression that before before he was killed uh the sheriff he had been swapped with a puppet perhaps the hag had some plot whatever was happening we interrupted it and then the hag and the sheriff were both killed going to ask is the hag no longer a problem no longer a problem. Where is Piran? She says. I lock eyes or I look up

to where he was. Hector, you... Hector, you understand. You immediately... You don't know specifically what happened but it's so very obvious that Piran abandoned them.

I try to look... Is Piran there? I look up. Piran, you see just outside of the building looking through a window. What did he do? In our most dire of moments, he abandoned us to save himself.

Not to be unexpected, but perhaps I thought more of him. I'll find a way to deal with that. Iona says. You get the impression from your previous role, you get the impression Iona is really, really, really mad. Obviously. But you don't think Iona's going to start shit. You think the worst that she wants to do is to kill Perrin.

Yes, of course. But you think the only thing she's going to do is verbally dress him down. Yep. All I can think is Lich's words of advice. If they don't get in line, you must break them. And I'm just like, oh. If they will not bend, break them. If they will not bend, break them. If they will not bend, break them.

That sass is ringing, just screaming at me right now. And it's just like, we will find a way to deal with that. So I don't think it's going to be a violent way? Or do I think it's... No, you don't think... You think Iona wants to kill Perrin. But you think she's not going to kill Perrin. They iterate.

We will find a way to deal with thatrhon. Okay. But you think she's not going to kill Pyrrhon. They iterate. It'll just be like, we'll find a way to deal with that non-violently. Iona doesn't say anything. She just returns to her thoughts. But I'm very glad you are okay. At about this time, Pip, you return with John Cavendish. On my nose.

Really, you're not snout-a-going-over. This entire time, John Cavendish has picked up like a slate or like a bit of wood or whatever. And the entire walk back, he's scribbling a proposed

constitution. Cool. Fantastic. Great news. Love that. Okay. First of all, I'm like, where'd they

go? They're not that far away. They're peering out the window. Oh. Staring in. They kick you out.

Do you actually go to the Purin? If Purin's in the window, they kick you out? No, I'm just assessing for hazards and whatnot, he says. I'm not going to make you roll. It's an obvious lie. Yeah, whatever. You might want to come inside for what I have to say. Pyrrhon licks his lips.

All right, then. Yeah, he went a little French there. All right, then. Yes. Yes. I'll come in right behind you, he says. He does come in right behind you. He's on my tail.

Okay. I step inside, looking stressed. You see John Cavendish is here, still. Oh, John. Nice to see you again. So. Oh, Pip, your iris is okay. Great news.

So, I had to speak with the Burgermaster. And first of all, I would like to impress upon you the fact that i am not a negotiator it's a bad start it's such a bad have we had a chance to i guess because we're sitting down like any kind of tea any kind of just like are we warmed up like i just the kettle whistling and you can see over at the fireplace van Van Richten is making everyone a cup. Excellent. Because I just want to, yeah, if you wrap that in a blanket,

I just feel like if I was holding a cup of tea, I would love to take a big slurp. It's like big slurp and just, here we go. But other than that, I guess I'd do that without the big slurp. Just, okay, what did you do? So the good news is that the Berger master wants to leave. They don't want to be—

There's a cheer. A cheer goes through the crowd. It is fantastic news. The Burgermaster will go. The Sheriff is dead. All we have left is Ludmilla, except that's not all we have left. Because Strahd, in some form, either— I do the gesture, but I'm like,

Pip. Pip. Let me say Strahd a bunch of times, then lay out our plan. Pip. Sorry. Let me just really call Strahd. Just leave the phone on the hook. I'm going to send him a text.

Pip. Yes. Yes. In some capacity, whether himself or one of his generals. Actually, I would say as well, whenever you say, in the few times just now that you've said Strahd, Hector obviously knows specifically why to do the gesture, but a bunch of the locals get mad at you as well

and do the gesture themselves. Sorry, sorry. Yes, my bad, my bad. Strahd. Sorry, sorry. Get a good boy card. Fuck, sorry. Get a good boy card. Fuck, Jack. Or one of his generals is coming.

He's been called. And that means that the fight that we thought we were going to have has become twice as hard. With that in mind, I would like to remind everybody that an ally is not a friend. And for the coming battle, we have a proposition. Cavendish has written up a new constitution. The Burgermaster remains in charge with some caveats. And in return, they help us with the fight against Ludmilla and whatever else. And then, hopefully, any further fights we might find ourselves in. So you say that they're willing to leave, but they want to remain in charge?

Well, if we do not want their help, they are willing to leave with a small portion of the town coffers as compensation. I look to like I own a big football and I was like, so the deal is that they leave, they take a portion of Kuchu's wealth and they just go. They will be heading to Valakai. The specifics right now are not important. Good luck to them. But if they don't leave, they will help with Ludmilla and whatever. I do the gesture of a shot. He's sending our way.

And in return, we write up a new constitution, something everybody is happy with. And so they remain the burgeon master but bigfoot paul is well for lack of a better term not adjusted to the sheriff's fallen house paul sheriff paul paul paul a chant through the crowd absolutely be the terms of our brand new constitution the burgeon master remains bigfoot paul becomes the new sheriff and the abattoir and whatever is produced there is owned by a gesture to the to the rebels by the people who live the citizens of kuchery iona after a moment considering it says i can see this deal perhaps being in the best interests of kuchery it would It would cause the least upset. I am not happy with this arrangement, but I would say that the alternative of being this sore thumb sticking out in Strahd's face is probably less safe. Bigfoot Paul.

Yeah. I'm like, I am. Oh, sorry. Yes. They're doing that. We're all so bad at it. We're all so terrible at it. But when I do it, it's not canon.

That's the difference. That is the difference. That's true. When I do it, you cut that out of the edit. And I know you will. We will. Don't worry, I have been. And I know you will.

We will. Don't worry. I have been. Bigfoot Paul stands up and he says, I disagree. Okay. Sticking out as the thumb. It's maybe just a splinter, but it's a splinter in the very fucking heart of this place. If we kill them,

it will be bleeding them like this. Part of the crowd cheers and you can see that this part of the crowd sees the logic in Iona's calling as well. It seems like y'all are the deciding vote. We are

not from here. We are not from here. We are outsiders. I don't really want to make a decision for them. But from the logical conclusion here, so Bigfoot Paul, you want to take the deal where the Virgin Master, how was she alive? She's cloning herself.

She's got big pots that she hides in. I say, Bigfoot Paul calls out, we don't even need to take our other deal. So you're saying we wholesale... She's only dealing with us because she knows she can't beat us. Anything else she said about supposed reinforcements, how do we even know she's telling the truth, huh? You're not wrong, Paul.

But if you are wrong, Paul, and you waste some of your troops against hers, and then reinforcements do arrive, and you're facing Ludmilla with half the army you started with. Not even half, a quarter. So we, okay, we could risk it. You could take no

deals, and then you storm her fortress that she has made. You would probably win. that she has made you would probably win look around here you would probably win but some of you many of you will die and then you take on ludmilla the avatar how many they have a new a new monster yes a new machine and with ludmilla how many how many of your men does it take to take down one of them? How many men have you got? Would you rather throw their men?

So you're arguing to take the Burj Master's deal to help? Yeah. We're arguing for help, yeah. You can see Bigfoot Paul wavers in his stance. He sees the logic in what you're saying. And then he, this entire time he's been standing up. He's a very big, imposing, physically man, but also emotionally, spiritually. He's a very powerful person as well.

You can see that falters a little bit. He takes a seat. Perhaps there is wisdom in what you're saying. Look, you are a very... I will remember that. Uh-oh. No, that's good. That was what she wanted. Yes!

Yes! You are a very courageous man, Paul. But there needs to be a level of caution here. You have a duty to these people, your supporters, these people that follow you, that look up to you. You have a duty to them to keep them safe. And we can write the best constitution that is in favor of you you ensure the future of kuchery whatever that might look like and then slump further into the chair how the heck that

looks fucked when all your choices are evil pick the lesser one. Okay. Well, John Cavendish passes his proposed constitution around the group. Obviously, I'm not going to lay out every single word and line of the constitution, but just to summarize, the basic idea will be that there will be an elected group, a representative body

of Kutry, who will form 50% of the power, roughly. So that elected body and then the Burja Master together will be able to make and change and enforce laws on an even basis. One with veto power over the other. Okay. All right.

Good. Good. And then once that's written up, because I know we want to get this signed quickly, we'll maybe send a runner back to the Burgermaster. While the runner is sending the constitution, the proposed constitution over to the Burgermaster, John Cavendish pipes up.

So you're insisting on continuing with this, are you? I don't really have any other choice. Right, right. I mean, you came. Well, I mean, not to fight. I came because you needed a hand. That's fair. That's crazy.

How long have you been here? I cast back my memory. I want to say like a month, maybe a month and a half, if that. I think it's been like two or three weeks. Wow! That's crazy. Surely it's at, a half of that? I think it's been like two or three weeks Wow That's crazy Surely it's at least a month

How many long rests have you had? We've had a decent amount I reckon it's been about At least like six weeks Yeah, I think we've had at least six long rests Okay At least Yeah

And we weren't tracking them so much early on So Yeah Yeah I would say a month Maybe a bit over Right right it's just uh well and you've been here for over a year more than that four years something like that a month it's usually about the amount of time that it takes to grind most people down

and yet i point to him gave all of his blood. Doing its best. You know. Oh, right. John, thank you for the girl. I think you caught her? Yeah, I suppose. It was more of an accident

than anything else. Take the confidence. Nevertheless. Yeah. And thank you for your help with the constitution there that was pretty touch and go well i once worked in the diplomatic corps so i have some experience in these things well nevertheless i appreciate the help so uh

ludmilla next yeah i suppose so a. Have you ever killed a vampire before? We came close. No. No. Well, we got... Is it Esher? Esher was his name, right? Yeah. Esher, yes. Around Valakai.

I remember Esher. Yeah, we defeated him, turned him into some level of ash, but we didn't... He gave me this. He pulls at his very nice shirt, and you can see that there are fang marks in his collarbone, or around where his collarbone is.

Tried, but failed, obviously. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we, I guess, not as much killed him, but he strove him back to his coffin, I'm led to understand. That's how vampires work.

Yes, yes. Keep coming back. If you've never done it before, yes, you destroy the vampire. They turn into like a mist, head back to their coffin, and you can stake them in the coffin, yeah. Yes, we didn't get the last bit. We didn't quite stake them in the coffin, but still a good innings. Yeah, you didn't kill it, I suppose. No, no, we didn't.

But we've done plenty of other things. I imagine that Ludmilla's coffin is not in Castle Ravenloft. I have no idea. Which might prove to be. Yes. Oh, I don't imagine we'll be putting her down permanently. No. It's not really about that at this point.

No. Well, I mean, if you're going to handle Ludmilla and you need a hand, I'd be happy to help. We need all the help we can get. Just like a soft smile. Just like, good. Don't misunderstand me, though, Hector. I don't believe in you, I'm sorry to say. Or your god or destiny, really.

Believe or not, the fact that you are helping is all I need right now. Yeah. I believe that you've convinced Pip Mandarin to follow you into the gates of hell one more time, and I believe he's been there. I won't follow your belief, Hector, but Pip's, I'd follow that. Well, he's a general. Pip retreats into himself in a deep moment

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