D&D is For Nerds - Barovia III #23 A Damaged Arrow

Episode Date: July 13, 2024

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At your side. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.

Borderlands. Friday. You're listening to the SansPants Network. Although you see no water for miles around, we are nevertheless marooned, trapped in this nightmare of my homelands, a place called Barovia. While my people may come and go as we please,

for you these mists are as voles and the vampire Strahd Von Zarovich, your warden. But fear not, for Strahd's heart may no longer beat, but it is still a good place to stab him. While the runner is sending the proposed constitution over to the Berger master, John Cavendish pipes up. I believe that you've convinced Pip Mandarin to follow you into the gates of hell one more time,

and I believe he's been there. I won't follow your belief, Hector, but Pip's, I'd follow that. Well, he's a general. Pip retreats into himself in a deep moment of introspection. I'll go he smirks

at the idea, kit up, I suppose. I'll meet you back here. You'll be here in a few hours still? Yes, I don't think we're going anywhere just yet. We need to understand what is happening. Did you say, I just,

did Strahd just say? Cavendish gets up and leaves. Okay. Thank you. The reinforcements, do you know when they'll be coming? They're on the way, apparently. That's all I got.

Do you know what they are? Do you know if it is him himself? No, only reinforcements. I don't imagine, I mean, unless Strahd has decided. I give you the look. I'm like, you keep doing it. I'm exhausted and tired. You know how much effort it took to put my little fingers to my lips?

I'm dying. What if I call him Greg? You could call it the devil. I all I care. I think that's going to be easier than doing this. I go back to when Esme starts yelling at us for calling another thing another thing, and then

I'm just like, what is the naming conventions? If you call Strahd Greg, are we going to have to then fight the Baronhd Greg, are we going to have to then fight the Baron Von Greg who is like the shadow of Strahd but has just enough power to fuck us?

I'm just like, just do the gesture. It is zero simple. Fine, fine. Yes, yes. I suppose there's a chance that he has finally taken notice and is coming to squash us like so many ants, but I don't really believe that.

Hector, you are healed for 70 hit points as Van Richten heals you. Whoa. As like a discussion. Whoa. That'll tickle you from behind. You still have two levels of exhaustion. He can't help you with that. Whoa. As like as a discussion. Whoa. That'll tickle you from behind. You still have two levels of exhaustion. He can't help you with that.

Right. If I had to guess, I would say it would be another general. The cruel thing would be a go-gash, but I don't know if that's what he'll do. The go-gash was dealing with what was happening in Valakai, and I guess, has that been sorted? I don't know.

I don't think so. I should probably have a conversation with Eleniel. Look at the sun. It is too late for that. There are other generals he could send, or even forces. Right. What if... The Empire's druids. If he was coming here, presumably it is someone's beck and call, say Ludmilla. Right.

Ludmilla would not have summoned them until perhaps this morning or this afternoon, like yesterday. I would imagine the moment it kicked off here, that would be my guess. So how long do you think we have? So whatever gets here, gets here quick. The distance from Castle Ravenloft or wherever to here. Do I think it's kind of much of a muchness? Like if Strahd wanted to, he could just

boop a bunch of guys over to our side of town? No, Strahd can't teleport. He can travel very quickly, but his minions must travel conventionally. So you think anything within a day's travel would have to have been about a day's travel away. How long have we been here?

You've been here... What, three days? Four days? Yeah, maybe five days. How long does it take to get from Castle Ravenloft to here? Oh, a couple of weeks maybe, yeah. Okay. The reason that the Burj Master was so keen to sign to get from Castle Ravenloft to here? Oh, a couple of weeks maybe, yeah. Okay. The reason that the Burj Master was so keen to sign the document

as soon as possible is she believed that they could be here as soon as a day away, 24 hours. So what is a day away, Ken? Would it be he himself coming from Castle Ravenloft? I can't imagine he'd make the journey if he needed somebody in a pinch colova is nearby she's a dryad one of his wives possibly she's coming so it is do i know anything about what do i know about dryads adam

well what do you know what do you so are you asking what you know about Kolova, or what do you know about Dryads? Well, probably Dryads first, so then I can know what a corrupted one is capable of. Sure, sure, sure. All right, let me bring that up. Well, Dryads, obviously, a type of fey. Yeah.

They are typically... Water-based? No, no. Tree-based? Tree-based, yeah. No, there's different types of fey. That'd be a nymph. Yes, nymphs are water-based.

I said that weirdly aggressively. You said it like Pip might say it. That'd be a nymph. Yes, nymphs are water-based. I said that weirdly aggressively. You said it like Pip might say it. That'd be a nymph. A nymph. That'd be a nymph. That's a nymph. That'd be a nymph. He's getting drunker and drunker.

That'd be a nymph. Is it a water-based one? No, that'd be a nymph. They're a forest-based nymph. They have an innate connection with animal life, so they can speak to animals. They are combatant-wise, they're not particularly powerful. Like you, Pip, would never be intimidated by a lone dryad, unless you knew it was a dryad of some power,

which Kolova is. Would be, Yeah, absolutely. And then the idea of a vampiric dryad is kind of a terrifying prospect. It's not something that typically would be able to happen. Fae do not suffer vampirism like humanoids do. But somehow Strahd was able to make a vampire of her. And now she is one of his most loyal brides. Do I think that there's a chance she could be coming with druids? It's very possible, yeah.

She is very active in the druid space. No, she's in that same area, and you know through Keening that she operates closely with the druids. So if it is Kolova, she's coming with a host of druids, probably different types of blights as well. If it is Kolova, she'll be followed by a bunch of druids and blights, whatever's left over from our time sort of battling them. We'll be making their way up to Kutry.

Sorry, odd question, but what is the difference between Ludmilla and Kolova? Kolova is a bride of him and Ludmilla is, is she? Well, they're all brides. Strahd would never, they're all, to him, they're all brides. It's just, I suppose some of them, I would call a general and some not. They're all brides. Okay, and then there suppose some of them I would call a general and some not. They're all brides. Okay, and then there's no

anything, okay, so it's not like... There's no difference between them. They're all vampires and they're all given a piece of Strahd's power,

I suppose. Sorry. It's a really hard habit to get out of. My good friend. I like that you also named Boris. I like that you're just cavalier with names.

I understand. I mean, you all balked at me when I wouldn't say. Yes. No, no, I'm sorry. I wish you'd said Father Limmick more. Yeah. I'll try harder. At this point.

It's so funny because, like, at a point now where, like, even Hector couldn't give a shit about saying Father Lemmink, but now that he knows that Strahd, saying his name is now something, he's like, okay, maybe I'll go back on that. Maybe I won't start. Everything. No, say nobody's name.

That's the trick. I understand. You know, you were all very... It's hard. But we know for a fact that he can hear us. You're right. No, that's on me he knows that we are

talking about him yeah so yes he's going to be sending I would put my money on Kolova but it's not a guarantee Kolova with the druids

potentially yes and blights and blights potentially yeah what do we know about Ludmilla and

the Abattoir? Could we find information from the Burgomaster? They must know what... Well, we'll see if they acquiesce to our constitution and if that's the case,

then we can have a chat and have a talk and plan defenses and also plan for an assault, I suppose, on the Abattoir. Because if we got to do anything, I would propose that we strike now rather than later because I don't really want to be fighting two vampires from two fronts.

Yes, I suppose that's smart. Assault the abattoir and then when that's done, hope we're not too ragged to turn around and fight. If we assault the avatar and we win, great. Yeah. We now have something we can perhaps fortify against the next threat. Yeah. If we fight against the Avatar and we don't win, well.

Well. It's game over anyway. And then hopefully we'll have your engineer, I say in gesture to wherever you keep the cards. All right. You'll have your engineer with us, so. Yes. It's another person, another soldier for the army. You look tired, Hector.

I am tired. Hector, with the mention of the engineer, a little of my little ticking away. The fact you made a deal potentially with the Burgomaster, I just started thinking something. I don't know if I like it. I don't know if I want to voice it around. Who's around?

Who's around? Yeah. It's you two, obviously. There's a myriad just like citizens, adventurers, or people. Yeah. Bigfoot Paul and Iona are having a quiet conversation in one corner. and Iona are having a quiet conversation in one corner. You can see Pyrrhon

is sitting alone with his back to a wall in another corner. Who else would be around? That's kind of it, I think. Yeah, John Cavendish is left, yeah. So is this me? Oh, and Van Richten has gone out to collect alchemical

agents. Okay, so it's me and Pip having a conversation, right? Could people overhear us, I guess is what Sam is asking. Someone could overhear you, yes. I might just. Actually, Piran. Piran. Piran wanders over.

Piran, a little suspicious as to why he's being called over, nonetheless comes over. Maybe he's about to get in trouble. Yeah. Did you end up finding any information about the engineer that Ludmilla has working for her bits and pieces it's hard because he doesn't seem to

leave ever I was so certain that he would at some point but he really just doesn't and then also you know everything kind of went a bit crazy yes I've heard about that yeah a bunch of my plans kind of fell through and whatnot. Things, yeah, just went...

Really sad. Hell-mel, yeah. Yeah, they really just went out the window. So did you find... That's good. That's good boy card good. I got a good boy card good. Thanks, Jack.

That's okay. You got Joe? So, all right, did you find any information perhaps? I knew you'd be mad at that. This person is creating those creatures. They've made a new model. Yes, that's what Bigfoot Paul was telling me. This is, I've come to understand,

from what I've been able to piece together, from my ears and whatnot, From what I've been able to piece together from my ears and whatnot, I believe that Ludmilla discovered what we did with the hag and then presumably through some magics I'm unaware of was able to bring the hag back, adjust any deal that they had previously made, and with the hag back, adjust any deal that they had previously made. And with the adjusted deal, it seems this engineer was able to create a new generation of automatons.

These automatons. Impressive, really. They're quite powerful. Yeah, I've heard. They'll rush at you like a bull. What controls them? I am uncertain of what controls them simply because my expertise is mostly in magic. And once they're made, there is no magic to these entities. So is it, I am wondering, is it, so there's no magic, so it would not be, say, Ludmilla.

I've never seen something like it in all my life. Even gnomes who I know who have preferred to work with mechanics rather than magic, even they are unable to entirely divorce themselves from it. So he is unique. I'm wondering if they are like a golem when they have a control gem or something. Maybe. If there is such a control gem, it does not work on any magical wavelength.

So I don't think we have a single person capable of intercepting signals. But I mean... If the engineer has created them, I'm just wondering if they are under Ludmilla's control or if they are under the engineer's control. Well, that I can only speculate. Let's hope the engineers.

I mean, talk about strange bedfellows. Talk about strange bedfellows. Now, I was able to get something. So the hill that the abattoir sits on, I have it on good authority from a dwarf whose opinion I rather trust on these matters, that there is, as we understood, there is something underneath the abattoir. Right. It is one large open space. Headless dragon?

Headless dragon? Yeah, probably. Just like a grave? Maybe. Right. So a Just like a grave? Maybe. Right. So a lair, perhaps? Yes. Where a large creature would live?

A dragon of sorts? Well, it could be a dragon. At the very least, I have now, on pretty good authority, that Ludmilla's coffin is down there. That's a stroke of luck. She goes down there to sleep. Well, that is at least something. Well, the vampire you can leave to me,

but, or in terms of what we need to do about it, I can take point there. The dragon I imagine will be Hector. Oh, another question. What did you grab from the Burgomaster's cloak? Well, when we killed her for the first time,

you grabbed something from her breast pocket, I believe. No idea what you're talking about. Piran's a good liar, but you saw it happen. Would you like to be defenestrated a second time? I don't know what that means. Thrown out the fucking window. Piran, you're not exactly right now on everybody's good books. So,

what if I just told you that it's not important to you? Who is it important to? Me. Is that on the level or whatever? He's a good liar. Yeah, he is a good liar.

But I also, i think pip just believes does not believe that piran would betray us because it would be against his best interests so pip's pip's kind of checking you're mad at me because i acted with my own self-interest i chose to save myself rather than the girls. Believe me now when I say that I would not do anything to cause my wagon to become unhitched from yours. All right. So, the dragon, how do we take it out? Well, it would be undead, right?

Let's see. It would be undead. And if they are worshipping it would it get any power from it being worshipped ah I don't know you're the dragon guy here in looks he's hectic dragons babe dragon born not practicing I've kind of been under the assumption. You're a dragon, Morn. Not practicing. Okay, so if it is a dragon, it would of course have all the abilities a dragon would have. Right. It was, if I am to have a guess, it would be a silver dragon.

Okay. So it would have all the powers of a silver dragon, except for the breath weapon, presumably. Unless it just comes out of its neck. I don't know where breath weapon comes from. I mean, I know it comes out of its breath, but I don't know where it starts in the mouth. They have a gland.

Okay. Is the gland... Where's the gland? Just above their stomach. Okay. Well, that's a shame. I mean, it's undead, so it probably doesn't breathe. There's a book that gives you the play-by-play of the dragon anatomy if you're interested. Oh, yeah. You've probably read it, Pip.

Oh, no. I think Pip's dragons is a sort of blind spot for Pip. How ironic. Well, it's not a dark place. It's really not a dark place creature, so it's just sort of, it's not what he was trained on. Well, yes, a silver dragon would have a breath weapon. Silver dragons breathe. You'd be sort of cold.

Well, it can't bite us. That's true. Tail whip, buffet us with its wings, I guess, claws. Does that make it weak to fire? Does it take extra damage upon being burned? Do you know? I cast my memory or mind back to dragons 101. Weaknesses of dragon, any kind.

Well, dragons are not typically weak to anything, but they are certainly immune to the same type of damage that they deal. So if a silver dragon is breathing cold, then that means that cold attacks will either not work or it'll at least be resistant to it. Dragons are innately magical. All of them can do a little bit of magic. Silver dragons, you are aware, have a paralyzing breath.

So they can do cold or they can paralyze you with their breath. Cool. I mean, mean oh and then all dragons this is a well-known thing all dragons have a frightful presence so creatures in their vicinity just become frightened basically okay so he's rattling that off um so that's just basically is a dragon and of course yes you have itsir, its horde that it's protecting, which would be meat. Right, meat, I'm guessing. And so an undead dragon, a corrupted dragon, well, I would presume, like most undead, except for the rare things that aren't, radiance damage. Yes, probably do the trick, yeah.

Esmeralda and Van Richten return at this point. Van Richten, actually. Yes! He taps lightly, taps his cane on the table that you're sitting at and then sits down. Good for this conversation. We think that underneath the abattoir... Headless dragon!

Yes, a headless dragon. Because of all the headless dragons, yes. Yes, and... Capital! I start rattling, like, you know, these are the things of the silver dragon that I know of. But, of course, it being undead, they would have some other abilities. You have not much experience with dragons, my friend. But those of us, any gestures to you, Pip, those of us with a bit of dragon knowledge will know that there isn't much to change the form of a dragon or what it is.

This dragon might be undead, but I would be terribly shocked if it had lost anything in death, perhaps other than its head. Right. Yes, I was meaning has it gained anything by being undead, as in a

weakness to, say, radiant? I could not comment as if it's gained a weakness, but I could tell you that it very possibly has gained a strength. Though what specifically, I could not say. Any strength that the dead might already have, we can assume it could have. Yes. But the structure

of the dragon does not weaken. Not with age, not with magic, nor really anything. It is perhaps aside from the dungeon, the most powerful entity we know of. You deserve a bad boy card for that. I'll give myself

a bad boy card, right? That'll give myself a bad boy card. That's like critical. Pip's life just breaks. Oh, nice. Using this straight away. Ah. If it is undead, look out for it. Pip, good luck switching its head and its heart. Well, yeah, good luck switching its head and its heart. Well, yeah, exactly.

Its brain is who knows where, and its heart will have to do it the old-fashioned way, burn it to the earth. Just nothing but ash. Then, Richton, do you know if any, as they are worshipping it, that have given it any sort of godly powers? I would be shocked if it did not have some powers, thanks to its worship. Unfortunately as well, these things take time to dissipate.

So even with a somewhat depleted kuchari, I doubt we'll be fighting it at anything less than its best. All right, so step one is to raid the Abattoir. Yeah. He needs to take on all the automaton creatures that are weak to psychic, like Jester to Van Richten. He doffs his cap. He has somehow procured a top hat, which he is now wearing.

All right. To take out those creatures, both the old model and the new, take out any of the flayed guards to then raid the inner sanctum, I guess, of whatever it is in the abattoir, taking out Lutmila, a vampire, trying to convince an engineer who's been working for Lutmila to work for us, and then the very simple task of defeating

a god in its lair. Yeah. It's really simple. It ain't a bit of sea, isn't it? Well, you've survived so far. and then the very simple task of defeating a god in its lair. Yeah. It's really simple. A to B to C, isn't it? Well, you've survived so far. Keep the streak going. Around this time, the runner returns. The Burgermaster agrees to the terms.

There will be a formal signing ceremony in an hour between Bigfoot Paul and between the Burgermaster. Great news. Fantastic. Thank you very much. The location as well will be at the exact midpoint between where you are currently, which has kind of fallen into a de facto headquarters

and then a fine end. At an exact midpoint, the Burj Master will set up. There'll be a table, two chairs. They'll both sit at the table and do a little contract signing. That's very cute. In the meantime, okay, well, Pyrrhon, I guess you're

the one with the information gathering now that they are considered allies. Perhaps you can find that information out for us about what we might face in that Aperture. Anything of use if you know this area more than I do? You know the people more than I do? He nods. I'll

have a conversation with the Berger Master if I can get the time. So, in addition to Bigfoot Paul and the Berger Master signing the constitution, Pyrrhon and Iona will also be there to sign the notes asking

for no retribution. And then, yes, we find out. Perhaps we probably have to include her in on the plan. Yeah, absolutely. Well, she should have a first-hand experience of what the upper levels are like. So she'll know

what we're up against. After the signing, I guess we gather whoever is going to make the assault. Then we plan the assault. Capital, a plan. Van Richten slams so hard into the table that the poor weakened table cracks a little bit underneath his strike. Piran, you see, stands up very straight. Yeah, I would have gone to, but I'm just so tired.

I think Pip stands up straight and then slashes on purpose. Piran, you see, rubs the back of a hand, which you can see there's many welts, many old welts upon that hand. Piran rubs his hand. Pip's rubbing his snout, Hector's robbing the back of his head.

It's all just like, oh, boys, boys, boys. Boys, boys, boys. It's the rough education trio. You can see, in contrast to all of you, Esmeralda standing slightly with her still sulfur-yellow eyes, standing slightly behind Van Richten, rocking from side to side.

Esmeralda gives you a look, Richten, rocking from side to side. Esmeralda gives you a look, Hector, like she wants to talk. Yes, Esmeralda. May I speak with you outside? I really cannot find the energy to walk. We'll go. We can speak freely here. Or I can stay.

What do you want? Do you remember that I wanted to speak to you back at the Amber Temple? Yes, yes, I remember. I think with all these contracts flying around, well, I've been thinking this for a while, but the contracts have reminded me of this. I wish to make a contract with you.

A contract? For my ongoing services. Your ongoing services? Yes. I would not... What do you mean? Well, I would not want to give something for nothing. So you're saying...

Let me just cast my mind back. So let me remember. Okay, so we meet you, ready to run into a werewolf den by yourself. We stop you from doing that. And you say you're here to rescue or find your mentor i just should have been written and so now that we found van richten it is what fuck you i got mine she shrugs okay then fuck you you got yours what do you want i would say is this an actual negotiation or are you just like i am saying fuck you what do you want but we'll see what she says. Yeah. I would say perhaps,

let's say for, what are your plans after Ludmilla? You know our plans. You know what we want to do. Well, let us say for, you know we want to get the hell out of here.

For Ludmilla, I will set it at 250 gold. Okay. Okay. So let us see. So you're saying you will help us with Ludmilla. You will just, you personally will help us with Ludmilla for 250 gold. Okay. Okay, so let us see. So you're saying you will help us with Ludmilla.

You will just, you personally will help us with Ludmilla for 250. And you want to kill the devil? Is the price for that? Of course.

All right, how much is that? Well, that will be difficult. Let's just go on. What is your price? A thousand. A thousand gold. Okay, let me make

some calculations. So you're telling me that you will help us with gold after you finish let me make some calculations. So you're telling me that you will help us with gold after you finish whatever you wanted to do? She's tickish. Of course, because, you know, you can leave this place whenever you want, right?

You can just go. She nods. Okay, so you bring to the table a petulant child who cannot wait to do anything and act rationally, will run headfirst into a werewolf den, will run headfirst into making a deal with a dark entity, who I have to stop to kill a child

that I had to let do what you did because if I didn't, I was fairly certain you would cut our throats in our sleep. And on top of it all, you killed my fucking horse. And you want me to give you money for that honor? Pretty much.

Does this seem out of character? Yes. Very out of character. It's the devil. Yes. Absolutely. I think she's... I refuse.

All right, yeah. What? No, no, it's fine. What do you want? What. What do you want? What? What do you want? I mean, if we... When we...

Van Richten. He's still here, right? Yeah, he... You can see his mouth is slightly agape looking at Esmeralda. You're going to help us. I mean, you're helping us with the attack upon the Abattoir and Ludmilla and so forth, yes? He's lost for words. He doesn't respond.

Well, I think the answer is yes. If we don't pay her, what are you going to do? Just sit and watch? Probably. If that is what you want to do, you do you. I think I might leave, to be honest. To be honest? Good. Okay.

She stands up from the table. Well, I will bid you both goodbye and good luck. So long. Good luck to you too. She leaves. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night.

Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers. This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer.

Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Friday. The problem with a deal is that it's a deal, you know? It's tit for tat.

Van Richten slowly brings up a trembling hand to cover his agape mouth. I'm sorry, Rudolph. I'm sorry. I just... This place. Everyone asks... I'll be right back, he says. He stands up. I hope. He walks out right back, he says. He stands up. I hope.

He walks out after Esmeralda. Did we see any... I'm trying to think of the entity she made a deal with. Was there any identifying marks around that particular room? We couldn't give him any idea of what is in it.

Most of them are nameless, unknowable entities. He can't... He'll figure it out. He has that vague idea of what is in them. Yeah, most of them are nameless, unknowable entities. He can't, yeah, he has any of that connection. He'll figure it out. He has that vague idea of what it was. Yeah. This place, everyone is after something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, man. You have a rest. You've got at least an hour. We have no responsibilities. Just slump back into the chair. Slump in your chair. Try and get some

of your blood back. In that hour, John Cavendish returns welcome back uh john cavendish is wearing a you recognize the edges of the uniform it's obviously that of a roy conge guard uh it looks mostly like a ceremonial uniform though there's no armor it's just like a ceremonial uniform though there's no armor, it's just like a very nice uniform that's funny the Roy Conj Guard is usually a blue uniform but his one is green it's a very bluish green so you can see where

it's like an evolution of the blue and as I stated before he has the symbol of Kandor but instead of where in the segment where it would have a crown there is instead a laurel wreath. In addition to that, he has, so the Roy Conj Guard are mounted soldiers. He has some equipment that you might expect a mounted soldier to have.

He has a cavalry saber, which he keeps sheathed in its scabbard. And he also has a spear, but the spear looks really ceremonial. It's very flimsy looking. That's very funny. You're expecting it to be mostly wood, but the metal tip, rather than being placed at the strongest part, right on the end of it,

is instead kind of like slung underneath on this beautifully innate... It's gorgeous. It looks amazing. It's made out of silver, but it doesn't look like a weapon of innate. It's gorgeous. It looks amazing. It's made out of silver, but it doesn't look like a weapon of war. That's funny. Does he get sucked into Barovia doing a parade?

His uniform is immaculate. You can see he has, in this time as well, he has washed his hair and shaved. That rocks. In my time, it's blue. Well, I don't know what to tell you. My uniform has always been green. I know.

I'm just saying it looks good. You look good. Oh, thank you, he says. You can see as well, this looks almost childish. Not childish, rather. More thuggish, actually. He has a couple of clubs strapped to his chest. That's awesome. Like little throwing clubs. Yeah, rather. More thuggish, actually. He has a couple of clubs strapped to his chest. That's awesome.

Like little throwing clubs. Yeah, yeah. They are also somehow, despite the fact that they are... Immaculate? Yeah, no. More than that, despite the fact that they are throwing clubs, they look ceremonial. They have like metal parts to them.

That's awesome. Yeah. You've kept all this in a very, very good condition. He doesn't say anything. Almost like a, who is this? When Hector starts saying that, I start playing with the gold bracelet I have around my wrist. Okay. Yeah.

So as part of the Roycons, you're a tactician. What did you mostly do? Well, I was a cavalryman, but I've done other jobs. My father was a diplomat, and I spent a bit of time working with him. So I have some experience with diplomacy. I obviously served, as I said, as a cavalryman. Past that, I briefly was a farmer. I know a little bit about raising livestock.

Okay. After that, I worked on a sailing ship and then a pirate ship. Right. A few other things here and there, and now I'm here. Ever fought a dragon? Yes. Made out of shadows. I'm sure the principles remain the same.

Probably, yeah. Yeah. There's no one here to correct us. Yeah, absolutely. Pip seems hectic. Not in my capacity as the correct us. Yeah, absolutely. Pip assumes Hector knows what he's talking about. Not in my capacity as the Roy Clonch guard, though. I mostly fought people. Yeah, right.

Fill him in about what at least somewhat of the plan is. Well, you know, what we know about the abattoir, we'll probably find out more once this signing ceremony is... I've spent some time on the floor, so... I mean, I know the layout of the place vaguely. That would be useful. More than we have. That's not unique to a lot of people here.

Right. Well, we thank you for your help nonetheless. Well, I just hope that there's some fight left in these old bones. I think so. Sure. Well. With surprising speed, the runner returns from the Burj Master

carrying a message. I have word from the Burj Master. She wishes to sign well as soon as possible. She summons Bigfoot Paul as our leader, Iona as a member in good standing of the community, Pyrrhon because she did not say. And anyone else we wish to have present at the signing? I look around the table.

Bigfoot Paul puts his big meaty hands on the table, stands himself up, and he also looks around the room. Pip, you know that he's looking expectantly like well does anyone else want to come? But that is not the vibe Bigfoot Paul often extrudes. It feels almost like a challenge. But you know

who wants to join me? It's an open invitation but it feels to Hector like a challenge. Right. He's just like that a bit. Yeah. Okay, then I was about to be like, oh, well, if he's getting up,

I'll be the same. The first time I also like, yeah, I'll come with, et cetera, to kind of show. I just looked at Pim. Suppose we should. Hey, I'll get up. I'll stand up as well.

John Cavendish, as the two of you are standing up, looking a bit hesitantly between the two of you, Bigfoot Paul, Iona, and a bunch of other notable figures. Well, if you feel someone – I mean, I could help as well. Yeah, I think – I mean, we were there for the deciding of the terms of the contract – of the constitution. It would probably be good if we both went. I do have a law degree, I suppose.

Yeah, well, that too. Who knows what these cowboys have gotten up to in your stead? He laughs at that. I suppose a show of force from our side is probably the best option. Perhaps, yeah. Well, he stands up as well. So it'll be the two of you, Bigfoot Paul, Iona, Pierron. Am I missing anyone?

Oh, John Cavendish, of course. Yeah, yeah. And I think no one else is going to be coming. No worries. Other than just some security. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of Bigfoot Paul's hangers-on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

His entourage. Yeah, exactly. His Jeremy Pivens entourage. Turtles there. All right, so you head out to a, if one has not been established, a meeting place is very quickly established as a roughly in a halfway point between the tavern and where you have set up your headquarters and triage. Yep.

You make your way to that point which would just be somewhere it's very is the word i'm looking for ignoble yeah it's a very yeah it's a it's a very it's just in the street in the snow a table is set up two chairs are brought out one for the birgermaster one for bigfoot paul like i imagine it's kind of like snow falling burnt out husks of buildings corpses that have not been cleared away some big actual dragon things around in the distance you can hear

yelling and shouting not combat just people calling out airing their grievances you suck the normal hustle and bustle of a city under siege yeah for sure and so it is in these circumstances that the burgomaster and bigfoot paul each review the constitution they are to sign and then, maybe Iona, reads it aloud to the

thronging masses of very well armed soldiers from each side, and then the Burgermaster and Bigfoot Paul finally sign it. The entire process takes maybe 20 minutes. Okay, okay. I can imagine you were just standing there, almost ceremonially,

just kind of like... Sort of also a bit awkwardly, like we don't really know what our role is in this looking at everyone I'm like tie my hair back kind of combing through make it look nice realize that no one's kind of given a shit John Cavendish oh John looks good tie your back up again

I was gonna say he looks cold his uniform does not contain or does not have the element of a winter coat. And so he is kind of, he's got a, it does have a cloak. A very deep green matching his, the rest of his uniform. Green cloak, but it's got a red felt lining. He has that wrapped around himself. You can see he's shivering slightly.

And I don't know if I described this, and this is funny is funny but i mean there's no other way to keep his head warm yeah he has a it's not it's kind of like a stovepipe hat awesome hang on i'll see if i can you know what it's not that important it's just a green hat with a big red feather on it it has it's not got a brim going all the way around, just a front brim. And then it's a bit tall. Kind of like a Cossacks hat. Yeah, a little bit like a Cossacks hat. That rocks.

And he's got that. And you can quite obviously see he's pulled it down as low as it will go. To kind of cover his ears and stuff. Yeah, to cover anything, as much of his head as it can. That's so funny. He is quite obviously very cold. Just like maybe even looking at, if we're not, I don't even know if we're looking at that, we're like, well fashion really does

change after however many centuries it must be. Yeah, I've never seen a hat like that in my life. Just taking it all in. Breathing it all in. Is this what the kids are doing? It seems quite garish but it also is obviously an expensive hat.

Yeah, absolutely. Is there remnants of, like, I could kind of see where that evolved from in a weird way? Yeah, is it like, almost resembles like a... Let me roll your high fashion. I'm like, get a good boy. Oh, shit. Hector's got a freaking nose. He's got a nose.

Yeah. Because you can kind of imagine the front cap coming from like gnomish engineers sort of work wear or whatever, you know? It's kind of like, oh yeah, that plume is kind of very reminiscent to what the Roy Conj Guard did in like my time. Yeah, exactly. It used to be maybe like full on pauldrons and it's just kind of been like now it's just one.

Yeah, you can absolutely see. So in your day, roy conch guard he should be wearing armor even his ceremonial uniform should have elements of armor and you can see two things you can see where the armor should have once been held on this uniform but now it is it's kind of like cracking open a turtle and seeing the skin inside. Yeah. And with the hat, you can obviously see where it would be practical, not practical, but where you could ride a horse while still wearing this hat, but also where it once used to be a helmet. Yeah.

Cool. Interesting. Yeah, cool. That's like, yeah, just paying a little bit of attention. Oh, cool. All of the insignia is still in the same places Yeah It's just like that flash

Like a montage of how we got from where we were To where we apparently end up Anyway To move away from the scintillating conversation About how fashion changes 20 minutes passes The entire process is over The Burj Master stands up

And she Pulling her much more 20 minutes passes. The entire process is over. The Burj Master stands up. And she pulling her much more. She has a very warm looking cloak. She pulls it around herself. Perhaps now we should discuss strategy. I'm going to. She addresses the crowd. Defer to Bigfoot Paul on this, really.

Yeah, I guess this is like, yeah, because we're just kind of, I guess, hangers-on at this point. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Bigfoot Paul stands up and stands a, she is already, the Burj Master is a tall woman. He, nonetheless, Bigfoot Paul stands a head taller than her. And with a curling smile at the edges of his lips, your place or mine? Oh, Bigfoot Paul. You card. The Burj Master insists her place.

Fair enough. So Bigfoot Paul turns around to your group and he calls out, he probably isn't going to include Cavendish, actually. He's not really aware of his abilities. Yeah, yeah. Hector! Pip. Fair enough. aware of his abilities. Yeah, yeah. Hector! Pip. And then he calls a few other notable figures within the town,

but no one that you would have known previously. Yeah, no worries. Just, like, kind of lieutenants. His lieutenants. If we're then, yeah, walking towards and I sort of see that Cavendish is trailing and I'm like, John, just wait. Paul, I'll think we'll need John's expertise here as well.

All right, then. Come, come along, Cavendish. Iona, you hold the fort while we're gone. There is no air of irony to this. She gives him a little, like a curtsy. Okay. We head to the tavern, I guess. Inside it is, as you saw it last,

this, I don't think you were here. Yeah, so Hector, you for the first time see those pots arranged at the back of the tavern. That's her clones, I'd say. Right, that would explain it. There's more of her in there. Yeah. I thought they were just a big pot. We'll see you need for an A-plus year. Come check out our special back-to-school offers.

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