D&D is For Nerds - Barovia III #26 A Busy Room

Episode Date: August 3, 2024

Sign up to the pre-launch of the Jarren's Outpost Board Game on Kickstarter and keep up to date by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to the Sans Pants Network. The fog that surrounds us are the bars of our dungeon, and Baron Von Strahd is outjailer. As far as I can tell, there is only one way out, and that is to kill the Devil Strahd. With a loud sound, both of you watch from different angles as the Portcullis slams shut. A cheer goes through the attackers, and you watch as the defenders throw themselves against the Portcullis They are immediately outnumbered and the attackers just mince them. Well, I'll start heading back to Hector then. Look towards where we hit to go. Look towards the burgeon master. We should probably wait for reinforcements because I hear it's dangerous to go alone. Right, um Ludmilla, vampire.

Yeah, vampires. What do I know about vampires? What? First things first, radiant damage, probably your best bet. They can't be poisoned. You know that non-magical attacks probably aren't going to do a lot. Necrotic damage might also be, they might not be outright immune, but they are certainly resistant.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Ludmilla specifically, I mean vampires are a gamut. There's a lot of different types of vampires and they can have a lot of different specialties and stuff like that. But Ludmilla seems, has always struck you as being less of a frontline fighter and more of a spellcaster, is where she focuses her efforts. So you don't think, well, there is a baseline.

So all vampires are pretty devastating when they get their claws into you. But you think comparing Ludmilla to someone like a Gogash, while they both have vampire powers, Ludmila doesn't have a gogash's muscles. If that makes sense. It makes sense. You get your baseline,

whatever they were before vampirism, with vampirism on top. All right, so I guess, yeah, while we're waiting for Pyrrha and John Cavadish to like- And the goons. Can't forget the goons. Come on boss Need me to do something. Hang on. Hang on. Wait a second. We'll be there in a moment. I got the beast in my sights Wait for them, right? Okay. So

Basic vampire or like rattle off like, you know radiance magic Ra ra ra ra ra almost like a maybe I don't know maybe Hector wants to be praised by. Anyway. This is getting real weird. And then just like just those the basic kind of like vampire stuff and then just and Lud and Ludmilla is a she's a spellcaster right? Ludmilla is indeed a powerful spellcaster, perhaps to rival myself, though our specialties lie in different fields.

I am a more classically trained spellcaster, shall we say, whereas Ludmila prefers experimentation. Yes, you've seen a few of them. She will have many tricks we will not have seen before. So chances are, did we see any of the autom- like the automatons, the automations in the main hall, the big fight or anything like that? There were a handful, but not all of them. Alright, alright, alright. Yeah, there's still some unaccounted for. Yeah, of course, I was just wondering if we'd like, yeah, if it was like, it's- weirdly, they were quite absent.

There's not a single one. Like they're all waiting in one room. One location. No, no. If it was like it's weirdly there were quite absent They're all waiting in one room Yeah, I guess Yeah, you've seen a few of you. Yeah, but not like more than 10 or less Okay, fair enough Then if you wanted to spend well you all reconvene if you wanted to spend more time you could pick them in the crowd and Count them. No, no, well, you all reconvene. If you wanted to spend more time, you could pick them in the crowd and count them. Nah, nah, nah. Well, it'd be like, right, um, I grabbed like the map and be like, well, yeah, it would just be down there. We know it says, should be had by guards, probably more of the, um, automations and for the engineer. I suppose if, um, he would have whatever is controlling them if we

could try and either get that out of his hands yeah whatever it's got to be I don't know if that would stop them out right or perhaps it would just cause them to follow the last command as it were yeah but then no more commands can be made so yeah she is a vampire so did you have anything that we want to do before I crack open a manual to monster. Let's consult the flowchart, shall we? I start rubbing my snout. Does the Dracula live outside?

Um, we've... Did we go out of this before? Cold, right? She's cold? Yeah. LAUGHS Skip the end. We've been to chilly places. I would say she spends most of her time inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, chili places. I would say she spends most of her time inside.

Yeah, well if she spends most of her time inside, then she's a city places vampire, which means she can become rats and teleport. If she's a chili vampire, she can turn into a big tiger, fears fire, but is also immune to fire. What an idiot. No, no, we know this one. She fears fire. Yes, but she is immune to it. But we idiot. No, we know this one. She fears fire. Yes, but she is immune to it. We used this one before. That's true.

In Salenka Pass, yes. She's a chili-pissed vampire. She's a chili-vampire. That's right, she's left the house before. That's all it takes? Well, yeah. That's the point of the flowchart. Outside, like, kind of like in the wilds. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, but in the Inselenka Pass you use fire and it scared her off. Well, I mean, I don't know.

Perhaps we prepare for both possibilities, that she might become a rat, or many rats, or that she might transform into a tiger. Is there overlap or is it just... The text is... She ran away from the fire before, so it... Yeah, well, just because you're a city vampire doesn't mean you don't fear fire necessarily. Plus these aren't traditional Dracula's really that we're dealing with. Um... I want to just stare off into the middle distance.

Traditional what? I saw, thought we went over... Okay. Traditional what? I saw what we went over. Okay. Alright, is there anything we need to do? Radiant, right? Radiant damage, absolutely. Fire perhaps? Fire perhaps could help. Well, you know, rats will die to anything.

A Dracula cannot enter moving water lest it be burned by said water, as if it were coming from an acid factory. A Dracula pierced through the heart by wood cannot move, though this will not actually hurt the Dracula. And finally, and most importantly, a Dracula cannot be touched by sunlight unless they burn to a crisp. That's not really going to happen to us. But where its whisper, if it says anything to you, try to ignore it. Should we be blocking our ears? Is that what we need to do? Might be worth doing, if we have any manner of blocking our ears.

I don't know if you've brought any no not really Wow wad up some cotton. Yeah, it's a cloth Haisalose highs You know what pip you do have some wax. Oh great. I pull it's maybe for stopping bottles Yeah, yeah I pull out the wax and try and distribute it as evenly as possible so that we can block our ears upon entering the layer. Like you said, they can resist mental damage, ignore chili, necrosis, poisoning, mundanity, charms, tiredness, fear, and stunning.

Holy symbols, garlic around the neck obviously can weaken the the Dracula in an attack and then the other ones that I said before. My hand, you know, start like playing with the penny his son. Yeah. Okay, so. Yeah, I mean other than that whatever she was beforehand will give her some some ability. I mean she was spell will give her some ability. I mean, she was spellcaster or something.

Some sort of mage. Yeah. So, you know, have anything for adding into Simon's hair or should... I mean, I can try and concoct something. Do we have a steak? I'm sure someone has a steak. Snap a chair off. Snap a leg off.

Just gesture to like a broken table or whatever. Someone would have brought a steak. I, uh, maybe I'll snap, just so that everyone has one. If there's chairs in this room, snap the chairs off and then with somebody's blade, make some really rough steaks. Okay. Look at the map, is there only one entrance into her office? Other than the teleportation circle, yes.

Right, so are we going in guns blazing? Should we send, adjust adjusted to the tiefling? I feel like at this point, she knows well and good where coming. I don't think I'm going to be able to sneak into that room. Fair enough. Well, okay. I'll handle ghosts, but I draw the line at a suicide mission. Right, I guess I'll form the tip of the spear.

We'll head in. We don't know what we'll find. Ludmila, the engineer. Pirin, when we go in there, if you can, I think perhaps you should go to the engineer first and try to persuade him to not use the autumns on us. Don't kill him. Don't kill him. I won't kill him. Persuade him to turn his little toy soldiers off. You're very good at that. Sure, I mean, yeah. Right, anyway, I'll form the spear. Cavendish. Cavendish takes out that ceremonial-looking spear. You see, you notice for the first time is you if it went for the fact that you've seen him just win a

bunch of fights you might be like Wish you had a real weapon. Yeah, but you realize for the first time that is spear the point the tip is removable Whatever reason maybe for maintenance or something like that. It's removable whatever reason, maybe for maintenance or something like that, it's removable. Well, actually you see, no, no, you see the purpose of it. When it is removed, it can be used as a dagger, quite obviously. Oh, that's cool. So you, yeah, no, actually you immediately see why it can be removed.

He puts it back on the end of his spear. Okay. Right. The rest of the like bigfoot pool and that, they're, they're doing fine now. Yeah. You can see, yeah. Oh yeah. They've've by the time that you're ready to move on you can see Bigfoot Paul on his own has picked up the portcullis and is helping people get underneath and they're swarming their way in now sweet perfect

no time like the present all right we tip the spear. Right, and so Cavendish next to him, Eleanor Tormach. Eleanor. Eleanor, sorry. Tormach next to him. And then... I'll keep up the Rio. Ewan Pirran on the Rio. Maybe we'll get the Moogs next.

The Moogs up the back, you mean? We'll think, boss. Moogs tip of the spear. Okay. Actually, yeah, two, two, two. I got the beast in my sights. It's just so funny, because genuinely, you probably wouldn't want to do the mooks in the front, right?

Yeah. Because they're just mooks, but they're annoying. Yeah, exactly. Get rid of them. I don't want to be in the front of the spear. That is the characters you have created thus far. The callous, uncaring, unfeeling sort of monsters who will sacrifice people. Yeah, I know. They've been using crossbows in.

Yeah, no, the mooks will stay up the back. They have crossbows and swords. I think keep the mooks up the back with me and Perrin. And basically, when we head in... Inflation, boss. When we head in, we'll fan out around the sides and we can provide support while you go in for the main attack. Yep, let's go. We'll do that.

Yeah, let's go. So, the double doors are closed. You attempt to open them and find them barred from the other side. There appears to be some heavy wooden slat in the way. Okay. Can we get a sword in between the doors and flip the bar? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you could try that. Yeah.

That's clever. Get a good boy card. Yeah. It works. Hell yeah. You push the doors open just enough that you can slip a sword through and wedge it upwards, forcing the latch open and allowing you to explosively enter the room. The first thing you see as you enter the room is that, like in the foreman's office,

there is an effect upon the far wall that allows someone standing in this room to see into the abattoir, but does not allow someone in the abattoir to see in. You can see that there are two desks in this room. One of them is the large main desk, obviously Ludmilla's desk, and it's covered. The place is a mess. It's covered with all of Ludmilla's sketches and workings and other odds and ends from different experiments of hers. There's a cage in one corner where a zombie tries in vain to get out. where a zombie tries in vain to get out, you can see there is an entire wall taken up with different body parts that keep moving of their own accord. Some of them you can see there's

something, a mechanism, an obvious mechanism powering the arm or the leg or sometimes the head. Heads would have their tongues removed and they are trying to scream but failing. Horrible, horrible stuff. Yucky. In addition to that, you can see that there is just past the desk, the summoning circle. On the summoning circle, you see,

right as you enter, someone has stepped through the summoning circle and left the room. Near the summoning circle and left the room. Near the summoning circle is, you know, do you remember in the first new season of Doctor Who where there's the last human being and it's that woman stretched out. So that, except it is your horse. Orion.

Orion is, as if Orion had no innards has been stretched across like a canvas. Orion at first you think you're looking at a corpse and then Orion blinks. Oh my god. This is what has she done to you? Well you don't have a lot of time to consider that. Additionally in the room I said there was another desk. That other desk, it feels like a child's desk compared to Ludmilla's, but it is similarly messy.

There's lots of papers and notes and odds and ends there. Kneeling near it is a halfling. The halfling wears a very flamboyant outfit with a huge beret with a big plume of feathers sticking out of it. He is on his hands and knees. Oh, and you spot as well, both of his hands look like some sort of mechanical design. They're not hands, they're, yeah, they're mechanical devices,

which you see as he's kneeling on the ground, he has all of these little diagrams that he's kneeling on the ground, he has all these little diagrams that he's drawn on the wooden floor here. As all of this is happening, he's continuing to move from part to part, and every now and then he swaps his hands, spins around, and different tools replace it until finally it lands on just a simple little holder that has a piece of chalk and he continues drawing his little diagrams. The first thing that happens is he looks up at you and he says don't disturb my circles. You don't have a lot of time to consider him though, because

in this room are six automatons plus the guy who got away before, plus Ludmila. Ludmila, looking at you as you barge in. How rude. And then we go to initiative. Okay, who baby? This is a busy room. Yeah. Very busy room.

Are you gonna put your horse out of its misery? I do feel there is, it really does feel sometimes that Hector really does need to dip into barbarian. Yes, yes, yes. It truly does. There's just a lot of rage. Sometimes he needs to rage. Pent up right now.

I could not agree more. And I understand that like, hey, this little halfling is part of this prophecy. It's part of the web of destiny. The web of destiny. It's always had one away. And this person did that presumably with the help of destiny. It's always that one away. And this person did that, presumably, with the help of that. Yeah, you would imagine.

Maybe, I don't know. What happened? Maybe he died today. Maybe, maybe, maybe we just, I don't know, take out a lot of bad people. Yeah. How strange do you want your bad fellows to be? Yeah, yeah. You know?

Yeah. That's a real question. That's a real conundrum Hmm all right Perrin's first okay, pure in excuse me. Sorry excuse me He makes his way from behind you Hector and yeah to in front of you. Oh, no He was in line with pet. Yeah, never mind He makes his way from the back right up to the front, slipping past you deftly. He keeps saying, excuse me, sorry, pardon me, but he actually doesn't touch anyone as he agilely slips past you. The engineer is immediately to your right as you step into the room, with just past him in a V-formation, it's those six automatons with Ludmila at the head right behind her desk

and the guard, kind of like a sore thumb, almost like he wasn't meant to be in this encounter, is just off to one side. Perrin slips past all of this, picks up the engineer and you hear, he sits the engineer down on the desk and says, don't turn them on. The engineer flips his arm around, which a bunch of different tools spin around, and then it stops on a little nozzle. I said, don't disturb my circles. Oil.

Oh no. Spits onto Purin. Okay. That's exactly what he says Well, that's just not crooked All right, that's parents turn he attempts an intimidation check and he fails. Yeah This little guy's immune It's Ludmila's turn

Oh fuck she casts a spell uttering a few arcane words, and then finishes it with a snap. When she snaps her fingers, she disappears. Fuck. Okay. That was Ludmila, it's Jon Cavendish's turn. Alright then. He takes a few steps into the room. He's looking back at you, Hector.

I'll handle the right hand side Sure, um Pirran belay the last thing I said about the the halfling. We don't need him alive Okay Okay, we don't need him alive. No, is there there's nothing hidden behind that. No rock and roll. I wasn't expecting that alright Seeing the horrors. Yeah Yeah Rock and roll! I wasn't expecting that. Alright. Seeing the horrors. Yeah. Okay. Interesting.

Interesting. Interesting. Okay. Well, John Cavendish levels his spear and Hector, you have a brief enough window to see etched in the side of the weapon other words the guard dies But does not surrender and then Everyone in the room jumps a little bit except John Cavendish the end of his spear explodes What the fuck then he lowers it down very quickly from a pouch

reaches out produces a small metal ball, puts it in one end of the spear, and crack! Crack! Crack! Loud noise after loud noise after loud noise, and smoke belches out of the end of his spear. He hits three times. You know what? He fires six times.

Whoa! Fucking hell. Three times. You know what? He fires six times. Whoa. Fucking hell. Two more hits, but both of them are critical, so I'll figure that out in just a sec. Jesus Christ. His first three attacks. Oh God, why did I do this to myself? Yeah.

He's, yeah. He's good to have on side. Yeah, dude. Eight plus another nine. He's good to have on side. 67, dude. Eight plus another nine. He's good to have on side. 67 and then, all right, two critical hits. Jesus Christ. Winded, maximum damage.

Okay, that would be a further 27 points of damage. All right, one of the automatons goes down. Fuck. Nice. In one hit, hell yeah. Well, in five hits. Yeah, well in five hits yeah, but but but still One turn out of one turn Then his second one quadruple damage 28 plus

38 Yeah, he blows one of them away, and then a second one he nearly severs an arm completely off. Then, he lowers the spear, grabs one of those ceremonial clubs, CRACK! To add insult, another critical, to add insult to injury. What the fuck? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's great yet. Great yet. One of the best. We can lose the engineer if we keep Cavendish. Yeah, he kills another one. Alright. Fuck yes.

Alright, that is Cavendish's turn. Vergemaster's turn. Vergemaster just stands there in stunned silence. Pip, your turn. Okay. Is there a way for me to hit this group with a flame breath in such a way where... Because it's not a very big room, is it? It... it...

Like it's like a room, like yeah. Like basically I'm wondering is, if I were to flame breath where Ludmilla could have gone... Yeah? In that period of time, would I be able to hit an area reasonably where she couldn't have gone beyond? Since she disappeared? I would have to take a kind of stab in the dark. Yeah, it'd have to be a guess. Mmm. Well, I've kind of got no other choice. You could try right behind the desk assuming she hasn't moved at all. Yeah. Or aiming to the left or right. Okay. I'm gonna, from where we are, where's the engineer what to our left or immediately to your right?

I'm gonna aim left them. Okay. Yeah. All right I'm gonna turn around and is that to protect the engineer or to protect Peter and who's covered in oil I'm hoping that if well that too But I'm hoping that if I get fire on her will be she'll scream or make some reaction We'll be able to tell where she is. Okay, how's the lows? highs scream or make some reaction, we'll be able to tell where she is. Okay, highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Yeah.

Yeah? Lows? I don't know. Well, let's say highs then, you bitch. You bathe the, did you say left corner? Yes. Yeah, left corner in flames. You set, I want to say some of her instruments are light, but you do not hit her

Well, she must be to a rider at the desk then okay. Hey, that's that's some information Yeah, yeah, all right that count as an attack for me. Can I attack with one of your attacks? Okay, then I'll spin around and with the bow with my crossbow. I'll just fire at um one of the the the automaton's yeah What do you what sort of damage I'll just go Acid maybe okay. it's a hit. It's what it's on from before. You deal 14 points of damage.

Nice, feels pretty pathetic compared to what we just witnessed, but hey, it's not nothing. Okay, that was Pip, your turn. It is the creatures' turn. So. Shit. First off, you hear Ludmilla casting a spell. Oh my god.

She uses a legendary action. Fuck. And a ball of flames appears from behind the desk and is hurled at... Oh, no, wait. She's smart enough not to use fire on you. Mmm. No, instead a ball of flames hits, or is hurled, at Hector. Hector, a ball of flames strikes you in the chest. Fuck.

You take five points of fire damage. Okay, that's not too bad. That's nothing, really. I mean, it's something. He's not done. Come on now. Maybe it's just that five damage, and then we move on. No, that was her legendary action. That was just the ent was right. Yeah, a cool thing. She gets to do then It's the creatures turn. Mm-hmm. Yep. You're pretty exposed in the room right now Two of them attacked you one of them attacks Cavendish. Okay

Miss miss hit hit. Okay Uh, Miss Miss Hit Hit. Okay. You got anything to stop being torn from one from another? Maybe. You know what? We got two. I'll burn one. Missed me.

Ignore damage from one attack. Okay. You take a Poultry. 15 points of damage. Nothing. I mean, yeah. Nothing. One of them just slashes at you.'re backing up trying to defend yourself one of them catches you unawares and a

five angry deep cuts appear on your shoulder and Cavendish gets hit once as well Well, those just not crooked and he picked that up from Pirran I Guess he picked it up from he probably picked that up from Pirran? I guess he picked that up from Pirran. He probably picked it up from Pirran's friend, to be honest. Alright, that was the creatures' turn. Hector, finally it's yours. Alright, is Lydmilla now visible?

No. You saw where the flame came from. You know where she was when she cast the spell. Yeah. What can I do damage wise in a 15 foot radius? That hopefully won't... You can target one... How many people? What's the max amount of like lads maybe I could get in a 10 foot radius? Oh actually, cause the guard's here. You could hit the guard and one of the...

One of the creatures attacking Pip. But that's kind of the most you can get, unless you're counting Pirin and the engineer's enemies. I lost. Because they're also next to each other. Yeah. See, I'll just, yeah, it's my action. I guess I'll just sacred weapon, channel divinity,

and then I will get into a better position to help out. Okay. Now it's my turn. You back, yeah, you stand behind Pip, backing him up. Good weapon child divinity and then I will get into a better position to help out. Okay Back yeah, you stand you stand behind pip backing him up. Thank you. You feel a little better Okay, it's Bonus action. I will cast a wrathful smite on my weapon get it ready for next time. Nice guy Well, it is the guard's turn. Ludmila casts Dominate Purse. Uh oh.

Uh oh. Pimp. You hear the words in your mind. The crossbow in your hands starts slowly, shakly turning towards Hector, and soon you can only hear Ludmilla's voice in your head, but before you're able to fire, you need to arm the crossbow. Looking down at Durak's crossbow, you hear in your head, Get your head on straight! Hector, you see his pimp nearly shoots you.

Oh good. He's like, you okay? Yeah, yeah. Oh good. He's like, You okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no. Uh oh. I really want... I guess the listeners can't see this, but when you said all alright just now,

Yeah. Jackson gave a thumbs up as Pip. And it would be very funny if this was like loser hand. Oh no. But no, ragged scar. You receive a permanent scar on your face. You gain proficiency in charisma intimidation, but lose proficiency in charisma persuasion if you had it. Why did I, why did that happen?

What just happened? Because the guard hit you with an axe in the face. Oh my god. Oh. in the face. Oh my god. Oh well you didn't have proficiency in persuasion, but you also didn't have proficiency in intimidation and you do now. Okay, fabulous and a wonderful permanent scar. That's nice to know. Maybe along the side of my snout, like he really copped me in the side of the snout. Just yeah, it's your crossbow. Look at the was me. You okay, buddy? Yeah, yeah, I think everything's okay from off screens

You yeah The MOOCs fire at that guard MOOC patrol got him boss They get three hits. Thanks Mooks. The Mooks, the guard took a lot of damage from the Berger Master earlier. Yeah, he goes down. Okay. Not so useless.

Yeah, he survived long enough to give you a cool scar. If only they'd done that one turn earlier. Oh, I forgot to roll the damage for you. If only they'd done that one turn earlier. Oh, I forgot to roll the damage for you. You take four points of damage. Okay. And it's back to Pirin. You've told Pirin,

well, you didn't tell him to just kill the engineer. You said we don't need him anymore. Said he don't need him alive. Don't need him alive, yeah. Pirin can do what Pirin wants to do. Yeah. He's torn. He kinda see, no, I think he sees the engineer as useful and he hasn't picked up on why you're saying.

Pirran looked around this room and was like, engineer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing else is happening in his head. He grabs the engineer, actually, you know what? He produces from within a pouch on his belt. He produces a needle that... What dog? When you first see it, you're like, pop it.

But he sticks it in the engineer. The engineer, why would you do a damn thing like thunk? The engineer falls over unconscious. Okay. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. Then as Pirran turns around to re-engage in the fight, you both see as he very on purpose steps on one of the circle markings and just... Yeah, nice.

Just messes it up. Good, good, good, good. Motherfucker. It's Ludmilla's turn. You hear Ludmilla casting a spell and then crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, a lightning bolt hits one of you and then jumps bouncing around, hitting pretty much all of you. Oh good.

Okay. Fabulous. Lovely to hear. Alright. It will stop firing when one of you makes the saving throw. Okay. HUH?! First, Pip. Pip, you're so lucky. Yeah. Pip, you pass. So it just hits you.

OOHHH! Thanks, man! Yep! Big, another shaky thumbs up. Axe to the face, electrocuted in the back! 10... 15... 19 points of damage! Hot diggity daffodil.

Okay, 19, cool. That's a lot. That's fine. Do I want to take that damage? You kind of want... you know, you look at that big, uh, miss me, uh... Ignore damage from one location, but... But you're like, man, maybe you want to wait for a crit, maybe you want to wait for something. Yeah, what I'm waiting for death, I think, is the, yeah.

And then Ludmilla throws a ball of fire as well. She loves doing that. I'm gonna say, Hector, this hurts. Whoa! Dice was excited. You take, oh, four points of damage. I'm gonna say Hector this hurts. Whoa Nice was excited you take art four points of damage. It's fine walk it off chip damage chip damage Okay, that was Luke Miller's turn. It's John Cavendish's turn Luke Miller throws another ball She misses you yeah That's good. Alright, and

Jon, he slings the rifle over his shoulder and begins grabbing those ceremonial clubs, which you realize can't be clubs. Something else is going on. Crack! Crack! Crack! He, these ones, the rifle, he carefully slung

over his shoulder. These small clubs, he drops them after he's done with them. That's so cool. Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! One use club? Yeah, he got one use blow up-y club. Oh shit. He rolled pretty poor. Miss miss hit.

Damn. John Cavendish does to the one that you've damaged, he does an additional 16 points of damage. Cool. And then, having exhausted all of his little club guys, he draws a Cutlass. A cavalry saber, actually, I should say. And that is his turn. It's the Berger Master's turn. She snaps out of it. Heh heh. What the fuck?

Ha ha! And then she, at Ludmila's last location, she hurls a huge ball of energy. Come on, revealer, revealer. You hear Ludmila crying out in pain as flames erupt in all directions. She cries out in pain, then continues screaming in terror. Okay. Ludmila takes 15 points of fire damage. Sweet.

Oh wait, no she doesn't. Oh. Yeah, she's immune to it. She's just scared of it. That's right. At least she's on these now. Yeah. The flames, however, do illuminate her location.

Cool. So you know where she is. You'll know where she is for one round. Cool. Great. She still hasn't moved. It is. Pip, your turn. Alright, knowing where she is. You'll know where she is for one round. Cool. Great. She still hasn't moved. It is. Pip, your turn. Alright, knowing where she is now, I'm gonna ignore the automatons around me.

Spin around, plug her twice. I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna flip it to fire as well. Even though it doesn't kill her, it scares her. Sure. And I'll make them precise shots so they've got advantage. You will need that. That will count right the disadvantage that you'd still get. Beautiful. Hit miss. Ah, damn it.

You deal seven points of damage to Ludmilla. Alright. Was there anything- Wait. Is Fairy Fire a cantrip? I believe it's a cantrip, yeah. Whoa, how'd I do that? Oh my god. I used the, whoa, how'd I do that, a good boy card. You cast a cantrip, you don't know. Follow the spell's rules.

That'd be so much cleverer if you'd done that before. Yes, well, I forgot I had it. Yeah. Still. Anyway. Just like aiming, shoot, for some reason, it's a fairy fireball. Yeah. Yeah, maybe there's like a little extra explosion of magic.

Good. And you- Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! A fairy explodes at the end. Thank you, you freed me! You truly are a hero of the people. I'm joking, I'm joking, that does not happen. Yeah, I think literally actual fairy dust explodes out.

Maybe Durak didn't clean it properly when he killed a fairy once or something. Hell yeah. Maybe Durak didn't clean it properly when he killed a fairy once or something. Hell yeah. Yeah, Ludmilla is illuminated, attacks, I don't think attacks against her have advantage, but they no longer have disadvantage and you now know where she is. Sweet, nice. Okay, well that was Pip, your turn. It is the automaton's turn.

Love saying automaton. And one attacks Hector, one attacks Pip, one attacks John Cavendish. Heck, two hits. Got anything for this? I mean, maybe. Let's see what happens first. It's 26 points of damage, Heck. Mmm. Mmm. The one attacking you, Pip, hit, miss, miss. Okay, hey, that's not bad. I keep Pip, hit, miss, miss. Okay, hey, that's not bad.

I keep just getting hit by one of them, I can cop that. And I am not paying attention to them, so that makes sense. You take 13 points of damage. Oh, I'm getting low. It's alright, it's alright, it's alright. We're still standing, we're still standing. Yeah. Don Cavendish, hit, miss, hit.

He, with that cavalry saber, is, he's kind of almost dancing with the automaton. He moves very quickly, but the automaton moves so much inhumanly fast. He simply can't keep up and the creature scores hit after hit after hit on him. His green uniform becomes stained red. That is the automaton's turn. Hector, it's your turn. How close am I to Lydmilla? You are on the other side of a table. Oh well, to get to her you take two attacks of all.

I'm a misty step. To get behind her. You teleport behind her. She activates her legendary action. Oh man. Whomp! She hits you with a thunder wave. Except it does no damage, but you have disadvantage to not be knocked back. Okay.

Alright. Okay. You go flying backwards, Hector. If I was to ignore the damage, would that stop me from... There's no damage. Yeah, dammit dammit dammit. You are thrown backwards and you hit one of the shelves containing all of the, a bunch of specimens, an arm flops down onto you and it starts trying to crawl its way across you. It doesn't hurt or attack, it just starts moving. It has like a automatic, like you know how cockroaches, when the light hits them, they

start running, but they don't actually, they actually aren't consciously choosing to do it, it's like a reaction. Well reactionally I would have grabbed it and thrown it at her or something. The hand, like a wind up toy, the fingers just crawl it along the ground. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, you're thrown up against the other wall. Okay.

Well then can I use the rest of my movement to get to her? Yeah. Okay. Nice, nice. That was just annoying. I felt more like a shocked reaction from her. Yeah. Okay.

And then hit her twice. Okay. Do it, man. And yeah, can I use Careful Aim to roll all the attacks with advantage? Sure. First attack's a critical hit. Oh yeah, baby. And the first attack will go off with the... The Vengeful Smite?

Yes, Wrathful Smite, Restore Psych, get damage. So yeah, first attack's a critical hit. It is Shin Bash. Maximum damage and roll the damage dice again, so 12 plus 5 is 17 plus an extra 7 so 24 points of damage hell yeah nice That's good. That's good. We're burning through the good boy cards, but that's good All right, that was your turn, Hector. And then second hit?

Oh, second hit, of course. Yeah. Yes. You deal another 10 points of damage. Okay. And then I just want to get right up into a grill. You slammed into her. She threw you away, but you immediately ran back to her.

You can see through the fairy fire, even in the invisibility, you can see there's a bit of panic to her right now. I think I like, yeah, any of this fight, I don't know if I'll be saying much. I just wanna be silent. Yeah, it really feels like you've sort of locked in, as it were. It's the Mooks' turn.

A smattering of shots get fired at the wounded automaton. Okay. Hit, miss, hit, critical miss. Ah, the mooks. Sorry, boss. Try again next time. I'll do better next time. That automaton takes eight points of damage.

All right, and oh, and a critical miss. Did you check the sofa cushions? This projectile cannot be recovered. No! Not the Mooks' arrow! He loved that one! That's like the most important thing the party owns! Boss, my kid loved that!

That was the Mooks' turn, it's Pyrrhen's turn. My gift. Darting in between all the different creatures and fucking shit going on, he settles up behind the winded one attacking you Pip, and he launches himself at it as bodily as he can. Good on him. Pirran deals... That's a lot of ones. Pirin, you fool. 10. 22 points of damage.

Something? Yeah, we're whittling him down. It stresses me immensely, I'm on 12 health. Have you seen any ghosts? I don't even listen to them. It's Ludmilla's turn. Oh, sorry, I meant to do this. Well, actually I can do it before

her turn begins, actually. Oh, sorry, I meant to do this. Well, actually I can do it before her turn begins, actually. Mm. Wawoomp! You get thrown away again. Yeah, you fail. Mm. You fly back to where you... You hit the impression of the spot you were last time.

Ludmilla screaming launches herself across the table at you. Pip! Oh, fuck. Mm. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. So, Ludmilla decides that you are a infinitely easier target. Oh, and she regenerates health. Oh, fuck.

Come on, man. She decides that you are a infinitely easier target. She claw attacks you. One of her claws bites down deep into your shoulder. Mm-hmm. Pfft. You take... Uh, let's see how much damage it is.

Oh! Ouchie mama. You take... 11 points of damage. Hey, miss me. You know what? You know what? Yeah. Yeah, I ignore all damage from this attack. Okay.

Oh, I'll die. Okay. That's me dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I don That's me dead. You fell for my trap. I don't know. Yeah, I would have been. Cause you're on alert 12. Yeah. Yeah, you'd be one. I would have waited, but that's just personally. You foolish fool. No, but is the attack, this may be my misunderstanding of the card. Does the attack mean this round of her attacking me or just the claw attack? What does the card say? Says you ignore damage from one attack.

One attack? You know what, fuck that then. No, no, no, no, no, no, because I assumed it was everything. Okay. I'll let you get away with this one. You're on one hit point. Now you use it.

Now I use it when I'm attacked. She deftly swings around using her claw embedded in your shoulder as leverage. She deftly swings around, grabs you from behind, draws you in close, she bites down into your neck. You will take a D6 piercing, plus three. You take eight points of piercing, everything goes dark. Now you can ignore the ten.

Yeah, do I use that though, which might come in handy for someone else? Or do I use one of these? Clever boy. Let's go back from the dead. No, I didn't die though. Let's go not dead yet. If damage reduces to zero hit points, you fall to one hit point instead. Okay. Yeah, I'll use that. Well, well you're on one hit point, so you don't actually lose anything. Yes. As she sinks her fangs into you miraculously, despite the fact that she's siphoning blood out of you at let's say about a liter a minute.

Whoa, that's a lot. She does not drain you of enough blood for you to lose consciousness. You also take 10 points of necrotic damage. Now this is part of that. You still only reduced to one hit point, but it does still reduce your maximum hit points by the same amount. So your maximum hit points are now 66. Jesus Christ. Oh God, I don't want't become a vampire Don't worry, I think I'll just train you dry

Ten hit points Fuck Okay Fucking awesome pip you feel the edges of your vision begin curling in you realize you're dying It's John Cavendish's turn John Cavendish rushes in John Cavendish flies clear out of the room He hits the back wall then getting up he screaming charges in again But he can't get to you in here too far away. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. It is the burgeon master's turn She wants to kill ludmilla, so she's gonna help but not in the way you'd like oh, no

the burgeon master Shoot straight through ludmilla and you, Pip. The bolt keeps going and hits you a second time. Hector, neither of you though take damage. It's only Ludmilla. She passes. Fuckin' hell. This is a tough fight.

And then it is, it was the Berger Master, Pip, it's your turn. Okay, can I push myself away from Ludmilla? That will be a check. And it'll count as your action if you wanna try that. Hey, here I am. Point blank range doesn't give me any negatives. And she's, I know where she is too. So I will plug my crossbow, Durax crossbow,

into her guts, flip it to fire, and then plug twice with precise shot so I get advantage. First attack miss. Damn it. Second attack hit. Okay, fuck, whatever, I'll take it. It'll scare her away. You deal eight...

Oh, the fire damage doesn't hurt her. Yeah, you deal eight points of damage. Oh no wait, it's a magical weapon! Thank god. The second the bolt hits her, she's screaming, let's go of you. She's got your, you see, she's invisible still, but covered in fairy fire and all down her front is your blood. She's furious.

If you could see her eyes, you would see burning pits of hatred. And was there anything else, Pip? Bonus action, I'll hunt his marker. I think I forget I can do all the time. Okay. So, Lude, it's, sorry. It's all good. I mean, it's the automatons' turn.

Yeah. Lude Miller analyzes everyone in the room. You need to make an intelligence saving throw. Uh oh. Heck you pass. Pip, that's a nat one. The burge master passes. Cavendish passes.

This is so funny. It's just me. Pirin. Got a nat 20. It's just me. Pyren, Karanat, it's just me. It's just me. That's fine. Pip, you feel as if you have no secrets with Ludmilla. That's a bad feeling.

That's a bad feeling. Pip the general. Yeah? Kill him. The automatons attack, pay of advantage. Well, this is me boys. This might be me. Hit.

Oof. Hit. Oof. Oh wait, you're throwing one hit point. Yeah, yeah I'm going. Yeah. Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, that's fine. Okay, okay.

Um, yeah. Okay. That's alright. That's okay. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for nerds plus, the symbol not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SansPants Plus members, the further adventures of the

Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for nerds not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.