D&D is For Nerds - Barovia III #31 Real or Not Finale (Season Finale)

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

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Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. I am told that the sea is a massive thing, that one could die just wandering its vastness. While we have no such thing in my homeland of Barovia, I am well aware of the feelings

of isolation that a place without walls can conjure. For we are the prisoners of one Strahd Von Zarovich. I will slay this vampire so that my people may once more breathe free in the sunshine. As the art strewed, I have a favour to ask. Could you help me bury Orion? Tarpos takes you to a quiet clearing in the woods around Kuchiri. The clearing has a single grand- looking oak tree in its very center. Is this a good spot?

Tarpos stands silently and just gives you as much time as you need. Start turning around. Maybe seeing Pip. I like putting my hand, still the hand, because I'm... I don't know. She's not going to interrupt. You can see she wants to. I'm giving you like a look like... We all good? Can we interrupt? Yeah, I wipe the crusted mud from my face a little bit. And the gore!

Yeah, we stink. Yeah, I start walking over. Yeah, sorry, yes. Is there something that's needed? No need to apologize. Iona wants to talk to Eleniel if you can organize that. If possible, I wish to speak with her directly, not through an intermediary. It must be directly. Of course. I mean, there's a tree right there.

Well, we'll go to where the oak tree,'ll see if I'll see if she's there. I like just reach out and do what I usually did of trying to communicate with her or trying to reach out to see if any any well I don't want to say anyone. Don't ever say no no no no no no. Too late it's happening. Your soul belongs to friends. Damn. Yeah, reaching out to see if, yeah, Eleniel is there or that other entity, the alabaster one. But mostly, yeah, to see if like Eleniel is there and I will wait. If they're not there, like I'll mention to Eleniel,

they're not there, but I can wait. We can wait a little bit. The alabaster entity appears before you. You get not them, but more like an avatar of them. A light, a golden light. As you've seen before, you see alabaster skin, golden hair, blue piercing eyes now. A hunk. Hey, babe city. A strong physically body, but also a keen mind. And a wash of compassion and love. Endless.

Deep, deep as the ocean. So deep that you could find yourself lost in it. I reach out to that entity. I think I was weary that we were, it was some sort of, again, stride. Yeah, yeah. But now maybe I'm like... You're in a very vulnerable position too, yeah. Again, love, compassion, it's sort of the... It's the time. I reach out and try to connect there. It is reaching out to you as well.

You need only accept the connection. I accept the connection. For a moment you feel like you could be lost. You lose all sense of time and place. You forget who you are for what feels like decades, perhaps even centuries. Oh, that's so nice. Blissful.

You settle down into a warm, comforting sensation, a strong, powerful sense that you are safe and loved. And then, maybe after decades, maybe after seconds, the entity picks you up and wordlessly, it shows you a visage of Elaniel. And then it shows you a visage of Iona. It shows them holding hands. There's some metaphor to this that you don't quite truly comprehend, but the entity is showing you them together.

And then it releases you. You fall... You... It's a gentle thing. It's not sudden. Slowly the entity lets go, and you get the sense that the love has not withdrawn, the compassion is not gone, it's still there, it's still waiting for you to return next to it. But the entity, it cannot have you forever, and it does not want you forever. It wants you back where you are, and then you are standing at the oak tree.

Pip, that took no time at all. Okay, he's just touching the tree for me. I blink a couple of times, I have a look around. It does not look like any time has passed. No, Leniel, hang on, sorry. I hand again and recap. The entity welcomes you back in again. You feel once again that endless compassion and love

washing over you like the rays of the sun or perhaps grass underneath your feet. However, Hector chooses to imagine this sensation. The most comforting way is how it presents itself. I imagine like sea breeze off, like hitting his face on like a very tall cliff I think he's like a like a tall very tall cliff and seeing out the ocean is a very Gentle breeze hitting his face the entity the angel shows you a visage now just of Iona and

There's an insistence there the entity wishes I Right, um Iona. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Um, Iona, I, um, I can't find Lainiel, but somebody wants to talk to you. Iona pushes past you and puts her hand on the tree. You watch, from Pip's perspective, as the same thing happens to Iona. A moment passes, it's less than a couple of seconds and then Iona slides down the side of the tree, her knees hit the ground and she starts weeping openly. Tears well in her eyes and you see it's joy a big smile splits her face good news then so the Eleniel is unavailable at this moment but she is well safe for now

yes that is what is important as is our child and if give you a look like, yeah. Right, I thought, alright, I didn't... Right, I'm sorry, I didn't even mention that she was... So much has gone on. It's been... Who's in the tree? I do not know, an intermediary. I understand. I will make preparations.

Kuchery must be kept safe, but Eleniel will be safe for now as well. I will be coming with you. I hope you would have me. I would never. I must see Eleniel again. Of course I... sorry, you said El... child. Yes. Iona does not elaborate further. She starts walking back towards Kuchiri. I don't know man. not elaborate further. She starts walking back towards Kuchary. I don't know man. I start scratching my head like, well, how does Alvish?

Well, I knew a lot about the gestation period. But everything else salutes me. You know the classic way that a baby is made. It's funny if you're like, how? And I'm like, am I enough to explain? Does he not know? Oh God, okay. I know there's like with half elves

and it's to do with even that is a very rare, because the elves live so long, it's a very rare thing to have a child. So, but she, but they. I don't know, man. Could be magic. Could be anything. Right. To be honest, I thought it was Keenan... I, uh, just look away. People are Keenan? How many people is Keenan and Bonan?

I hope not. Thank god it's not. There's some rustling in the bushes, and you turn around to see John Cavendish stepping out. John! Thank the god. John. John. John. Our good friend. I'm terribly sorry. Am I interrupting? No.

Yeah, no, no, no. Right. Well, two quick things. The first one is your presence is required as the people of Kuchiri are not going to stand with the engineer being around. So it's really honestly coming to a loggerhead on this one. It's either take him, part of your party, or the people of Kuchiri are going to string him up. We didn't put him in here. He seems quite unperturbed by either scenario. Also you might want to just, I understand that a very, I'm very sorry for your loss. If you wish this place to remain undisturbed by Gorub and Loshan, who I had to divert on my way here. Thank you, John.

You might want to head back to town. Let- thank you. John? They- although- John? Thank you. We'll- we'll- let's- let's leave. Did you need the stone they're carrying? What? Not- not at all.

Oh, right. All right. Well, they've got a stone and a- a very unhappy looking bird. Okay. Yes, we- um... No, I get it. You don't even need to explain. I'm across it. Right. Uh, right. Let's just go with this. We can with the engineer. We don't have to take him with us. I know I'm letting you know. I don't think he cares if he dies. That's even more seems to be the case. That seems even more worrying. Yeah. But I'm just, uh, yes, it's, um, let's go. Let's go but I'm just... Yeah, yes.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's just go have a look at least. You head back to Kuchery. Tarpos peels off at one point and says, stay at Pavel's house outside city. Kuchery, bad for me. Fair enough. Yeah, yeah.

She says. That would make sense. She peels off. Thank you. Gorham Lushen's father, right? Gorham Lushen are unknown. You can ask Cavendish where he said he diverted them but not where I'm sure Cavendish Yeah, yeah, it's not that's not for us to know right now. So yeah, they're in the way exactly perfect Yep, sweet. All right. We'll just um, we'll start heading towards I guess the town square or yeah, wherever we'll let

Cavendish lead us. The same place, the Sheriff's house, the same place where you were, your fate was decided, should you be executed, banished or otherwise. You see a crowd has formed and there's a lot of angry shouting, jeering going on, and Tide, with his hands up above him, dangling from a What would normally be a gallows with someone you see the engineer he as people throw tomatoes and eggs and other unpleasant rocks and other unpleasant things at him the engineers faces stony and

Expressionless he does not seem to mind you can see there is Bigfoot Paul standing nearby with some of the more disciplined members of his faction. And they seem to be keeping people calm, but it looks like, it looks like people want to kind of rush up and then do the engineer some harm. Okay. Okay. Uh, I guess we'll, we'll head Bigfoot Paul when he sees you. Yeah, we'll head towards Bigfoot Paul Yeah, we have to make a decision now Of course, so what what is I guess the general consensus vibe? Yeah most of the townsfolk

Well, the townsfolk are split either people don't care if he lives or dies or people want him dead Hey banishment is a yeah if we take him with us we get him out of there here If we let him die well, I guess this comes in another conversation of where when are we leaving? We don't know when we were still waiting around until Strahd's army is still on its way. Yeah Yeah, I'm like stressed if we could. I just, I don't know. My vote is that you should take him. I understand that's a heavy burden for you, but well, PIP, you kind of deserve it. And Hector, you have some experience with reforming people.

Instead of a weird backhanded semi-compliment, I'll take it. I, um, oh, to turn the other cheek. That being said, if you were to string him up, I wouldn't hold it against you, and the townsfolk would definitely love you for it. I don't really do things for the love of the people. I do the thing that I think is the right thing to do. Can I say, can I speak to him? Sure. Bigfoot Paul steps aside and continues trying

to keep the crowd back. You approach the engineer. Is he gagged? Is he? He's not gagged, no. He's just strung up by his hands, which you can see a rope has been, like before, to prevent him from using his tools.

Rope has been thread through the gears to stop Your hands are they fully mechanical or is there part of you in there still? I'm not sure I understand your question Is it completely mechanical or is there? If you were to room if your hands right now would be removed as your hair your hands underneath that or is it? No, it's mechanical elbows down are all mechanical devices Your hands right now would be removed. Are your hands underneath that or is it all just mechanical? No. Elbows down are all mechanical devices. How did that happen?

I lost both of them when an irate drow cut them off. So you are flesh and blood? For the most part, with the obvious and previously stated exception. I could show you on a diagram if you wanted. If you're looking for a clean and painless method, I could devise a device that would separate my head neatly from my body. There would be no suffering. What if I was asking you for a device that would increase suffering? I could make such a device.

And you would happily make that? Yes. I could perhaps... His fingers wiggle like he wants to write. If I were to... With the appropriate amount of time, perhaps a day or so, I could create a device that could hang, draw, and quarter me. I'd need some blood that would keep me alive for longer. I could have my death last a week, two maybe?

What if I wanted you to experience agony for decades? Could you devise something like that? It would be hard to have me die at exactly a decade on, with obviously, unless I just had a quick death, but a device to cause one pain for a decade or longer could be made quite easily, yes. And you'd happily make that for yourself? Sure, why not? Just because I asked you to yeah those to ask you to build a

machine that was um Capable of taking out a vampire. Could you a vampire killing specific machine? Could be done. Is there a specific vampire you need dead? Maybe it'd be easier if I knew a specific vampire what about um if I was to ask you to to to make a machine that was um They could plant

Crops water them and take care of them harvest them. It would take considerable, I just want to set your your expectations to the right amount. A lot of these machines are capable, I am capable of making, given sufficient time and resources, though I'd be uncertain if Kuchiri had those resources. Right, but you could devise that. Yes. And you'd happily make one? I don't understand the question, yes. Okay, and so if I was to make, if I was to ask you to make something that would happily, that would make people's lives more comfortable, you could make something like that? Once again, given the correct resources, I could make almost anything. And if I was to ask you to make a device that could kill everyone,

no matter what they were, you'd do that. I don't understand this line of questioning, but yes, given sufficient resources and time. To set your expectations though, resources to create a weapon that might destroy everyone? That's considerable.

I would need, like he wants to move his hands again, he wiggles his fingers. Well, it's been theorized that if I were to somehow be able to split a... Sorry to interrupt. So who found you first when you arrived in Barovia? The princess, I forget her name. Ludmila.

Ludmila, her... How did she find out what you could do? Well, her men found me with the machine I made to get here. They took the machine and me straight to her. She inspected it and I believe she was impressed. She asked me what else I was capable of and then a very annoying conversation began which I am, I must say, feeling very nostalgic for right now. Right, I think I understand you a little bit more now. So why do you do this? Why do you do it?

If someone was to say to make those abominable... What do you call them? They were made from a werewolf, they were made from a hag, they were made from the undead. Oh, you mean M-24, presumably F? Yes. It was a production line created as a warrior that would not question orders and that had the strongest capabilities of a specific type of hag, of werewolves and of the undead creatures that... what's her name again? Ludmilla, she was your boss, right? She was kind of your boss. Sure.

When you were to make them, the first one, the prototype, I guess, what did she ask you to do? After a long line of questioning, I had explained the iron golem that I can create. She asked for modifications and I gave a list of possible ones. She added to the list. We picked, chose and then settled on M-24-F. Does that stand for anything? The M. Model 24F. So there was, okay. So you, why do you do, why did you, why did you build it? When she asked you to make it, why did you do it? I don't understand. Is it a, do you, is it a challenge?

If someone offers you a problem, do you have to, are you compelled to find the solution? I would not say that what I do is a compulsion No, even though I am to ask you How would you destroy or make a weapon to kill everybody you do you don't ask me? Why you say if it's feasible or not? It is not for me to ask why? What did you do before you came here? I made weapons. For whom? I don't understand the question. Who did you make weapons for?

People. Anyone that would ask? Anyone, sure. Did they pay you? Sometimes. And sometimes you would do it for love of the game? Because you wanted to? Because you could? Because they asked? I don't understand the question

don't I thought I understood you yeah same so did you work for your government you said Zemjata yes so you've been to Zemjata okay studied under some gnomish minds they didn't understand me and I didn't understand them either. Okay, so when you make the things you do, you do that, when do you get the ideas from? Is it all theory or is it all practice? Both. That's a big question, I guess. I know a lot of things and some things require trial and effort. M-24-F is the 24th F model. The iteration is the key, I suppose.

When you made the M- models, were you just given the parts? Or did you have to experiment on the... Were they alive when you had to experiment on them? No. They were undead at the time. Already corpses. A living subject would not have done. Have you experimented on many living subjects?

He thinks for a sec. In my 80-year career, I've experimented on 17 live subjects. Tell me about them. The first three were a couple of brothers. They wanted immortality, and so I had to go through a couple of attempted iterations. Had to give up on that one when the last one died.

So they came to you and they were a willing participant? At first I assume, but experimentation proved difficult. One of the most complicated things to keep alive is a brain. So it was in earlier stages that I had to remove them. I see. Whether or not they would have consented to some of the later experiments I cannot say though they would not have felt much pain by that point. That is something. I don't know if that is compassion or just an unintended consequence Do not mistake it for compassion. No

Yeah, well, there we go. Yeah So my sonar asked and answered Okay, and then they're the other live ones. Was it anyone thing that didn't there was were some unwilling subjects. A warlord, a dwarf, forget his name, but he wanted a like my iron golem, not dissimilar I suppose to what was the princess, not dissimilar to her, he wanted an army of iron golem type creatures. And he gave me some prisoners of his to work it on. Cause I said that I needed a live subject to do some experiments, but that kind of fizzled out pretty quickly.

Uh, that was four or five, I think. So if I was to ask you to help us defeat Stratt, you could help us devise a plan or a machine that would do that. Yes, I can do that. And if, say, Stratt was to capture you and he asked you to devise a machine to defeat us you would. I don't see why not. Right. If you were to die what happens to the knowledge that you have? Is there any way to for anybody to get that? My workshop has extensive design diagrams that one could go through and recreate some of my work but there are a lot of people out there who frankly speaking

aren't smart enough and a lot of people out there who honestly speaking wouldn't care to. Your workshop is here not back where you're from. I have one had he looks up at the abattoir Had one here and I have one back on the material plane About this then Say another vampire or someone else another powerful Lord warlord, whatever and then there is a Myself and I am asking you to build something to help me defeat the warlord And the warlord is asking you to help build something to defeat me What are you doing? He looks at you like the answer is simple like you've asked a dumb question. I'd build both

And if you had to choose you had to pick one Well, I guess I'd make a machine that could do both. It wouldn't be hard, I suppose, depending on the warlord, but I can surmise that there's very few individuals that if I built something to kill them, couldn't also kill you. I don't like theoretical questions like that. I'm gathering you all, yes. I don't like theoretical questions like that.

I'm gathering your, your, your, yes. It's, there's no mathematics to it. I don't understand the point. Do you ever lose? Do you ever lose? What would I lose? I guess that answers that question. I would be right back.

Okay. One, sorry, one last question. Why do be right back. Okay. One, sorry, one last question. Why do you not care what happens to you? Why would I never thought about it like that? Can I, do I still have like, I still have some of the, uh, to rock, to rock a car. It's like, I think I did have, I forget what ones you do and don't have. A lot of it has some of them. Yeah. I suspect you, I can't remember either, it's been a long time, but I suspect you have the ones

relevant to this part of the world. That seems right. All right, so, okay, I'll just reach into my pocket and grab the engineer one, his one. And I would like to maybe just put it to his like eye line and be like, I was given this by a seer who said that I would find you and that you could help me.

What do you have to say about that, about destiny, about fate, about your fate? Destiny is for people who haven't the mathematics for hope. I will be right back. I go back to our group of Bigfoot Paul, the Abendition. Who else is there really? I think it just us. Yeah.

Okay. What's the verdict? I hate to say this, but I actually don't know. I... Hey, that's okay. You can ask him to build a weapon to kill everybody and he will do it. You could ask him to build a machine that could probably feed everybody and he would do it. Okay.

You just need to ask him. Yeah. I don't know how... He... You give him a problem, he will give you the solution. No loyalty, I'm assuming? Less of a man, more of a tool. Yeah. So he give you the solution. No loyalty. I'm assuming less of a man more of a tool Yeah, so he doesn't fall into the wrong hands fabulous But if somebody else gets a hold of him, we're fine. So for example, if we were to take him with us

What happens if? Devil himself gets a hold of him. What happens if someone else gets a hold of him? What happens if someone like I think the problem here is that he was found by Ludmila first. If he had been found by, say, the people of Kresik, I think the werewolf problem would not be a problem. So would their, I didn't even quote, elf problem. At one hand, he would probably devise something that would have taken out the well was but then the moment the moment The person in charge asked them about something else that me and you might find absolutely Reprehensible you will do it. Mm-hmm. So What do we do with a man like that? There's a lot one can square away when

You forget about scale I suppose but a tool is as dangerous as its wielder and while this tool could fall into anyone's hands I feel like we would have bigger problems if it could. If Strahd takes the engineer it's because we can no longer grasp the hilt. It's also worth noting that as powerful as these machines are, we beat him once. It's not like he's unkillable. My, I start like rubbing my snout a little bit. So the good thing is I don't think he will betray us.

No. It is not an in, he's not. Well, if you've got no loyalty, think he will betray us. No. It is not in, he's not. It's not, yeah, it's not. If you've got no loyalty, there's nothing to betray. Yeah, like he's not going to just do something that we don't want him to do. No, well he's not really on our side. He's on no one's side.

He's inside of himself. Yeah, I would, yes. I would take him as the Lurcer of Two Evils, but I would caution that those who pick the Lurcer of Two Evils tend to forget they're picking evil. Yeah. Make of that what you will. Look at the halfling.

I'm like I don't even know if you could call him evil. I think he just does whatever someone asks him to. Yeah. Asaith, you can use that to thresh wheat. You can use it to behead a man. And he would help you build one that was efficient at both. Another option. If he's willing to build anything, I mean there are other dark places than this,

send him somewhere else. Build a machine to get you out of Barovia, into another dark place that's easier than returning to the Material Plane. Make him someone else's problem. Let's kick the can down along the road. Yeah. I would rather kill him than do that. Sure.

I just think that his... You could build him... You could make him build himself a prison? I don't want to be... Could we... Or we take him, and the moment things start to go wrong, it's an arrow in the head. Yeah, could we make something where it is something even simpler, like we have a kill switch for him, so that he doesn't fall in the wrong hands?

Well, that's an option as well. Looking to Jon about that one. He shrugs. He doesn't value this person's life, but he sees them as a valuable tool. Either way, we should probably get him out of Kutri. It doesn't seem like we're going to kill him. No. Let's not kill him. Alright. Tell Bigfoot Paul, I guess, the decision. Alright, I'll let him down. Matilde's house, Pavel's wife, she, it's outside of the town.

He'll be safe there. So long as I, I understand what this creature is like, but I would still ask that you keep one of yours watching him constantly. Yeah, of course. Even if it's just Pirran, just someone there, maybe not Pirran to act as a conscious, but someone there to just to keep an eye, I suppose. We would never leave him unguarded.

Thank you. I just... I can't imagine putting down a man like him. Hey. You need a rest. You look fucked. Um... Yeah. Go find a bed. Yeah. I have a... Battle fatigue is something I have a lot of experience

with. I have a patented method. Come with me and I'll help. Thank you. We need to rest and prepare for whatever is coming. If the enemy's at the gates I'll get you. Thank you. Cavendish takes you to a fine end, the tavern, and the Burgermaster's men have cleared out of this area. The peace, though uneasy, is enough that the Burgermaster feels safe to return to her house. Or what's left of it, it's probably polluted. But anyway, a fine end is currently empty, actually. There's no one here right now. John Cavendish sits you down in front of the bar, and then he goes behind the bar.

He rummages around for a little bit, and then he comes out with the first glass that you have seen in Kuchary, and then he pours an amber liquid into it, just a little, just a shot worth. Drink that. Ah, it's rude to drink alone, John. He pours himself, he takes the second glass

that you've seen in Kuchary out, pours himself a little bit. He, raising his glass, says, to a fine end. To destiny, real or not. You clink glasses, he drinks his, you drink yours. Step one. Step two. And then he pours another shot for you and him, I guess. And while this one's percolating, I'm gonna work on step three. He goes into the kitchen and comes out with, he just bakes some potatoes. You have it with butter and with maybe bacon as well.

Yeah, there'd be bacon. You have it with butter, with bacon, and with a very sour cream. But wow, the first meal isn't bitter. Ah, well. It's hot. Easy come, easy go. In a place like Barovia, a hearty warm meal is a blessed thing indeed. And after the burning liquid, it was not nice liquid.

No, no. It was not nice alcohol that you drank, but it was strong. Hey. And after that rot gut has burnt its way down your throat, it is a nice soothing thing to have a warm meal. After you've had your feed, step four, follow me. He goes around a fine end and collects every blanket he can. He piles them into his arms and into your

arms and then you both waddling underneath them make your way back to the HQ. You can see the HQ is also part triage as well so there are a lot of wounded and people who have been hurt in all the fighting. We hand these out. You go from person to person offering warm blankets. Everyone accepts. With every blanket given, Hector, if you want, you can give a part of the heaviness with you. Once you're done with that, you go back, step five is one more drink.

You go back to a fine end, step five is one more drink. And then finally the two of you retire for the night. If Hector, you chose to give away a heavy part of your heart with every blanket, you sleep as peacefully as your first night here. It just drops like a stone. Oh yeah, bang, into the bed. Can I find a quiet moment with Bigfoot Paul?

Is that even possible in the kind of rebuilding that's happening? In the wee hours of the morning, at sometime like 4am, Bigfoot Paul does need to eventually slow down or there's just fewer and fewer jobs that he is required for. So it takes a while, but yes, you can find a quiet moment with him. You find him walking along the walls. It's nominally, it's, it's he's here, you know, patrolling for any approaching enemies, but actually it's him having, he's sought a quiet moment and you find him there. I hope I'm not interrupting.

No, no, not at all. Maybe I stop and kind of hope that he stops as well, so we can just sit or just sort of rest against the battlements rather than walking around? Sure, he does that. I don't know if I ever asked you, Paul, but who were you before this? A long time ago, I was just Paul, I guess. Paul of Appelville. But gosh. Gods. It's been a long time.

Yeah, a lifetime, really. Maybe two. Who knows? At this point, it could be more than I could count. Who knows what it's like back home now? I stare out into the night, down the mountain. I'm sorry that I never asked you where you're from. I should have.

Well, I suppose there's a lot of things we should have done. He leans against the battlements like you. There's a million regrets that we all carry with us. You were sweet, Paul. And there's so little sweetness here. I shouldn't have left you behind. He puts a big hand on your shoulder. Well.

That's how it is. I kind of reach around as well. Maybe I put a hand on his shoulder too. Maybe I bring him in for an embrace and I kiss him on the cheek. He kisses you back on the cheek? Good luck with Kuchery. You should probably turn in. It's 4am.

Find somebody else. Nah, even the dogs know not to bark at me. We're safe as long as I'm on the walls. Oh Paul. I'm gonna turn in. Bigfoot Paul continues his patrol. I retire to bed as well. Both of you are awoken early in the morning.

Whaaaaaaat? Whaaaaaaat? Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Whaaaaaaat? Rolling out of my, like, I'm assuming it's like sleeping in the HQ on one of the triage beds. Pretty much. Roll out onto the floor, grab my crossbow and start heading for the front lines, basically. Everyone, every named character. Yep, yep, yep.

Leave the Bergemasters house. What happened? Oh my god. Right, right. That's so funny. Running out, pipsy, leave the Bergemasters house. What? Okay.

Alright. Whatever. Okay, interesting. Does she make you wear that? Nevermind. I don't wanna know. You've somehow got your armor on backwards. Okay, whatever.

Is that a hickey? Anyway, doesn't matter. Talk up to me. Oh, a hickey. Oh, god. I feel like... Oh, yeah, anyway. I mean, we don't need to get into the specifics of anything that might have happened there.

Anyway, Yeah, anyway, we don't need to get into the specifics of anything that might have happened there anyway you every every named character finds each other at the on their way to the Northern Gate the Northern Gate is where you're being summoned to which you both find as odd that would not be where And it's not like up the mountain is it yeah? No that's the direction that the amber temple is oh, that's even worse Oh, that's even worse. Oh Maybe it's just that golem. Yeah, that's true. The golems finally made it down the mountain. It's not Okay

There's dozens of people dozens of of his men and the burj master's men on the battlements with crossbows pointed at some unseen foe. You look up at Bigfoot Paul. Bigfoot Paul looks down at you and he with a hand, with a hand and with a grave expression, he gestures for you to climb up onto the battlements with his... I have one question or two questions. One, levels of exhaustion. Yeah. Am I back to two or is it more? You are on three levels of exhaustion. Okay, cool. Thank you very much. Fuck.

Hearing... The Barovian marching powder, cool, thank you so much. Fuck. Hearing- The Barovian marching powder, you should not have had that. Yeah, yeah, well, cause that's gonna, my next, less of a question. Yeah. And more of a, so hearing, yeah, so hearing the sound,

can I make those levels of exhaustion back to nothing? What, why? Oh, marching powder. All right, but this is your last, this is your last bump. This is your last bump. Mmm. Cause I imagine if I'm hearing the sounds of that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh no. If needs must. You know what? No? Am I gonna be kind?

Should I be kind to you? It would be nice of you. What do you give me? You're so often rude. Oh my God. Am I gonna be kind should I be kind to you? I would it would be nice of you What do you do so often rude? Well never let it be said that I don't do anything nice quick siesta you gain the benefit of a long rest during a short rest Oh, baby, okay You everyone gets the benefit of a long rest. Oh, thank God and In exchange I will take something from you at a later point.

It's not even a deal we get to be part of. Just one of your many cruel machinations. So actually, Hector, and if this changes, you still only have one bump left, but if this changes things, it changes things. You are on only one level of exhaustion. Okay, okay. But I feel one level of exhaustion. Okay. Okay.

But I feel, hmm. Hmm. One level's not too bad. One level's not too bad. And we've also now, we feel invigorated. Yeah, exactly. So, probably not. Anyway.

I, with Bigfoot Paul's gesturing, I climb the, wearily, I guess now, a little bit exhausted. I will climb the battlements. Battlements. Pip, you join? Yeah, um, wearily, I guess now a little bit exhausted. I will, I will climb the, um, the battlements. Battlements. Pip, you join? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Once you climb to the battlements, you see quite a strange sight. Leading a horse is a single man.

He is immediately, you mark him as a dusk elf. He has that ashy color to his skin and the elven features which you can see he is obviously when I say Eleniel's kin I mean like he is a dusk elf. You can see he wears two things, a very expensive looking set of clothes, like a not nobility level but just below like a lord or lady. Okay. Who wears, yeah, a very expensive set of clothes and a very haughty expression. How far away are they? Like, can we make out sort of... He is approaching you, you can see he's quite clearly come from the steps up to the amber temple.

So like we can see features and that kind of stuff. Yeah, you can see him well enough, yeah. Can I recognise him? Because I think I might recognise him from... I forgot, you have seen that panty You don't need to roll. No, you recognize him you it's Rahadin Ah, it is um Strahd's butler and manservant. It is the devil's butler. What the fuck? I I guess everybody is training this spears. Yeah bows and crossbows people are treating this as if this is the army Yeah, yeah, that is his I look behind him

Honestly, nothing and then I'm gonna look across because we're on like a high point Yeah, see if I can look across Kuchery to the other gate in the hope that we've not been Tricked that we're being attacked while we're focusing here You can't really see the other way, but you can tell that Bigfoot Paul has kept people stationed everywhere. It's not unmanned. I can't really hear, I guess, the sounds of combat. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't hear the sounds of combat. Yeah, sure. It's quiet enough this morning that you would know.

So he is also a vampire? No. No? He's just a Dusk Elf. He's just a Dusk Elf. Okay. From, remember, trying to trying to remember those like, uh, the Diagon of the Drawings of Van Richten and that kind of stuff. Was there anything like, be wary, very powerful, he's a magic user? Uh, he's, of Van Richten's notes, he would have noted that Vahadin is a capable warrior.

So he's not like a, he's not just a man servant. He's not a assassin or bodyguard really not that Strahd really needs you for either of those things anyway. He's just a capable fighter. That that would have been noted and then also you would have seen at some point in the notes you would have seen just the word screaming question mark. Okay. What that exactly means, you're not sure. Uh oh. Okay. All right.

Right, well, be prepared for... I am. I don't know what he'll do. Rahadin approaches within earshot and still dismounted. Actually, if anything, maybe Rahadin leaves the horse behind and then continues to approach without the horse. He gets to the gates, not up to the gates, but past earshot. Wait, what am I saying?

No, he was already having already been in earshot, he moves close enough that no one needs to yell. Oh, sure, sure. He clears his throat. He clears his throat. Ahem. He clears his throat again. Big football is uncertain. What's your business here? Are you Hector the Beautiful? No, that...

That is me. Beautiful. He reaches into his cloak where his coat is and everyone gets really tense for a second. Instead of pulling out a weapon, he pulls out a scroll which he unfurls before him. Baron Strahd Von Zarovich, Lord of Barovia, to Hector the Beautiful esteemed sir I extend to you a formal invitation to join me for a private dinner at Castle Ravenloft the gathering will take place in the dining hall where we shall indulge in fine cuisine and discourse your reputation precedes you and it would be a privilege to host you within the ancient walls of Ravenloft. Transportation arrangements

have been made with my butler and man servant, Rahadin. Please leave at your earliest convenience to ensure preparations are made accordingly. With great anticipation, Baron Strahd Von Zarovich. What? Thanks for listening to Season 3 of Vampire Infested Barovia. Don't worry, Hector and Pip will be back later this year to continue the fight against Strahd. But until then, Cass and Handsome Tom will return to grace your ears for our next exciting campaign. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what

you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for nerds plus, the symbol not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SansPants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests and D&D is for nerds not of not where all Our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest Just search for D&D is for nerds on your favorite podcast app choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery