D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #11 Bitter Sweet Lullabies

Episode Date: October 18, 2025

I do not know why he keeps yelling at me when I bring him back from the brink of dead. It’s not that he is ungrateful, or perhaps he is? I do not think he has a death wish. If that were the case, surely he’d have taken any of the many opportunities that has arisen before now. He seems more displeased at the choice of song, but it is just a spell!If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, lads, did you miss out on the Jaron's Outpost Kickstarter and wish you weren't such a big doofus? Well, fear not. Late pledges are now open and they'll be open for a little while. So just head to Kickstarter search for D&D for Nerds or Jaron's Outpost and slam that late pledge button. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen,

hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more, and no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages zero to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y.com. I am told that the sea is a massive thing, that one could die just wandering its vastness. While we have no such thing in my homeland of Barovia, I am well aware of the feelings of isolation that a place without walls can conjure. For we are the prisoners of one Strad von Zaravich.

I will slay this vampire so that my people may once more breathe free in the sunshine. You can see up ahead of you as the sun sets, there is a second light in the forest. campfire up ahead of you. Okay. I gesture, I guess. Do the others see it as well?

Just me. You're the first person to see it. I just put my hand up. Yeah. And then again, a lower voice. How far away, actually, before I start whispering like an idiot. Oh, you... It's far enough away because it's...

Because the sun is setting, the light level in the forest is currently low enough. I just don't to embarrass myself. I start whispering when I don't need to. But you might still want to whisper just in case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just raise my hand, and it'd be like, if everybody, just over there, I point, there's the campfire. I suppose this is where our target is. It is like the footprints that they're getting, it is falling.

I believe that is where they are currently camping at for the night. Okay. Rahadin and Gretchen both nod. Rahadin looks at you, Hector, and says, how would you like to approach this situation? I'm assuming you need information from him. you need him to be this person to talk to us. He is very plausibly, a spy sent by boucher here. It would be foolish not to question him.

These franken guys. These franken guys. These franken guys. These franken guys. Do they need to sleep? Do they need to rest? Do they need to, they're made up of... He doesn't...

I wish... These creatures are not of Borodia, and I do not know their strengths and weaknesses. I wish Pip was here. I flick through the Emanuel the monster. Can I... You haven't an Emanuel de Monster? No, I've flicked through it in the past.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, yes. Can I try to recall or remember anything that I read from, like, the entry of Franken? Read it out, Pip. You rolled pretty well. Okay. Right, right, hang on.

I remember the, Emmanuel de Monster that Pip had? So, Sir Gretchen, there is a, I guess a famed Monster Hunter. His name is Emmanuel de Monster. I was always a bigger fan of Chester A. Barbarian. Yeah, yes. Well, you don't know about Emmanuel de Monster, but you know Chester A Barbarian is a very old author. Like, he would have been contemporary, in Gretchen's Day.

Do you some say that he was sort of the inspiration for Emmanuel? Like when Emmanuel started were they like, he's the New Chesteray Barbarian? I think there would be enough people in between that people might not have made

direct comparisons. It would be like comparing, comparison, it would be like comparing George Martin to like... Sophocles? Yeah, Sophocles.

I've got the end. Right, yes. A friend of mine, Pip, Mandarin, famed monster hunter. He had a copy of a man of the monster and I remember the entry of Frankenstein. Yeah, get this. Monster comma Frankenstein. The Frankenstein. Did I start, did I start it with get this? I should. What the entry should say? Get this. Get this. Check this shit out. Cop this. I just imagine every time Hector is remembering it's because some night at the camera. PIP's like, check this fucking what, can you believe this shit? The Frankenstein's monster, commonly erroneously referred to as the flesh gollum, is an amalgamation of bodies stuck together and given life

to obey the orders of a master. Thy topic of the gollum creature is not really a method of this book, let, but let is in parentheses for some reason. As I as this, I'm also in let, let is parentheses, but I will explain on to thy some of the basics as the

Frankenstein monster is indeed a creature of the dark places. Once the crafting of flesh has been completed, thou mage will infuse life via the subjugation of an earth elemental spirit, with said spirit not retaining any mindeth, and being only a vector for controlling of the corpse. While the master is before the golem, it will seem capable enough with orders that supplied, but while the master is away, the gollum will be forced to make the best of its abilities of mind, being none, and can become easily confused. Do not be mistaking this confusion for weakness of counsel, though, unless thy are the special individual controlling the gollum, it will simply ignore the words thy command.

If the Frankenstein's monster finds thyself without a master, or if a hunter of skilled as sufficient damages upon thou monster, upon it thou monster may find that it has entered a state of purifia aggression. Don't know what that is. where it will begin to act chaotic violently. Is it like, again, it ran the campfire. Could that perhaps mean, like, with enough damage, it enters like some kind of, like, rage? Yeah, I suppose. And then chaotic violently is just, it's just both.

Like if it goes into some sort of like, you know how Gora Bandolarsian, I figured which one is. I don't know which one is which either. You know when they get all frothy at the mouth? And I don't care to find out. Yeah. At least it stops them, you know,

with some kind of rage, I guess it enters. Yeah. If this occurs, then it's, is best to stand away. The monster is immune to cold, radiant, lightning, poison, and magical attacks. Though curiously, magical attacks and lightning seem to commit the opposite to the intended effect as the monster's

elemental spark drinks up the energies and to vitalize the monster. Thy savvy hunter shouldth also be aware that thou Frankenstein's monster shalleth be known to being immunoalterable and as sucheth turning thou into a rabbit for later dealings will be impossible.

If you can't cast, you know, like that. Polymore or anything on it. You can't say you can't change its form because I guess there's too many guys in it. There's too much shit happening inside. But it's immune to magical items. Yeah, it is resistant to damages made by non-adamantine weapons,

necrotic damages and magical effects. Best practices to deal with the Frankenstein monster outlined thus, and there's four of these. It must be controlled by an amulet or rod or stave or other objects in the acquisition of that. That's not happening. Fire.

fire is good. We'll make it hesitant to attack. That's useful. While the Frankenstein's monster will not listen to thy words, it can still hear thy savvy hunter. And if thy is able to confuse the creature with an incorrect truth,

then it shall become stunned. An incorrect truth. I guess a lie is probably what Emmanuel's... So like the sky is red. Yeah, maybe. The monster is unable to naturally strike at range. And then there's a question mark at the end of that. I assume they mean because it doesn't have

a burn an arrow. You picked up one. Yeah. If it does, well, Emmanuel, fire and confusion, you know. Yeah, fire and lie to it. Burn it and lie to it. Okay, well, that's helpful.

Who knows? Anyway, I kind of, yeah, condensal that into as much as the two, to Gretchen and, uh, uh, uh, uh, Rahaden.

So really, um, burn it or a lie to it. That's all you say. Right. Yes, burn it, light to it. Um, cold and, and radiant and, um, magical. is, yeah, not great.

In fact, it actually healed it. Because it was a radiant or there's a thunder. Lightning and... Magic. Yeah. Well, actually, it's possessing, it's being possessed, I guess, by the spirit of an earth elemental. But that's like, yes, this is control. I mean, I guess this is if, you know, what we've come across.

I mean, if it's a realm of that, maybe there's a slight difference. Because again, it's kind of saying it's like a kind of saying it's like a kind of mindless creature. If it's a mindless creature, that just wouldn't make the best spy, as it is. True. So if you guess you've got to take a manual demands with a grain of salt. You always do. Always do. Always do. Always do. So yes. Does anyone have any, you know, I guess, fire? Yeah. None of you, you're the only one with magic, right? Well, Raja did, might. Was Raha did a monk? Did I make that up? Yes. I do. It's an invention of my own. It's my own for my fanfic I'm writing about this game. That's nice. Raha didn't.

super monk. Rahadin does not have fire. Yeah, neither does Gretchen. Gretchen maybe has like a torch that she can light, but that's it. Rahadin doesn't even have that. Yeah, right. I've got like a few things up my sleeve, but not many. But no, I guess, yeah.

How do we subdue this? Do I know, so, like, you know, with a magic weapon, if we attack it, it's like, what does that mean when they're immune to it slash they are, um, will heal for so what's kind of like. You know what you just heard from a manual. Oh, Manuel, you suck. So I guess the best thing is to, I guess, um, you can do what, okay, what we have really that we can tie it up. Yeah, that's probably the best move. Physically overpower it, tie it up. Figure out the rest later on. I guess force damage made do something. I guess,

um, head there to a close in range. Raden, correct me if I'm wrong, but you see what you see like a sneaky fellow. Rahadin gives you a wicked smile that implies that you are correct. Perhaps head a little bit towards their camps, staying out of sight, see if they are sleeping, they need to sleep, or anything like that, and then come back, tell us what you see. We're assuming that there is one, but they might have met up with someone. Right. Rahadin, allah Homer Simpson, in that one gift,

kind of disappears into the foliage behind you. I imagine we get to a certain point where then... Yeah, yeah, for sure. So it's not like, I'll be right back. And then he's embarrassed because he has to like track, you know. Like four, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're reaching up into, there's a kind of a mountainous region to the north of Barovia. And you've been steadily making your way into that.

This entire hike, actually, you've been going kind of steadily higher and higher and higher. You're a bit puffed from that, to be honest. And you are currently at, if you can imagine, a horse show. shoe shaped ridgeline, and you are at the lower end of that one end of the horseshoe is lower than the other. You are at the lower end of the horseshoe, and that fire is at the higher end. So you're kind of not halfway down, but you're a little bit over the crest, looking out across at the other end of that horseshoe, and you can see the fire through the trees there.

Raha Din makes his way slowly, not that you can see, but he does make his way slowly along the edge of that ridge and then he comes back to report to you. Okay. I guess yeah, how long would that have taken, I guess? It would take him like an hour. Okay, what is in that idea? It was a great thing. So what is the, I guess,

I guess, what kind of, I guess, monstrous creatures of you fought in your, I guess, time in training or come across? She shakes her head slowly. I have seen maybe wolves, she says.

Right, right, right. Most of my encounters, not that there have been many, have been with people. Guys, really into the deep end here. Yeah. Yeah. I am aware that around the mellow brook marsh things become more hazardous, but that has not been where I have traveled very often. Right.

Yes. So, you haven't, I guess, is it mostly, you know, you say, is it mostly, you know, you say, Humans, is there many a gesture to Rahadan, like elves or? Many humans, some elves, a scattering of gnomes and halflings. Yeah, start to like the gestures of like load of the grounds, a bit higher, like broad, like an orc, kind of like. Yeah. Horns like a teakling. You've met many these guys. She seems unfamiliar with orcs.

Oh, right, never even on an orchid. She knows what they are, but she didn't know. When you first started describing them, she was like, took her a sec to be like, oh, uh, ork. Yes, yes, I have heard of them. them. What does she think you are? Yes. And then I judged myself. Like you've met, is there many Asimirs from? It's rare

but not unheard of. I, yes. As a member of a divine order, of course I'd heard of you. Okay. There seems to be a... Gulliver does not get many eczemere. Oh, really? Yes, there's a handful of us backing candle.

Generally, you could count the many of us are on one hand. again a lot of teaflings don't know what that says about yeah yeah well a good friend of mine has many theories

but anyway right yes well yes you will come across many strange things in this lands I talk about the the encounter with the

the angel the fallen angel and they're creating of a Frankenstein yeah this place is we actually yeah we met

an angel, to be honest deluded, I would say, made crazy their connection to the divine lost, severed, warped, twisted, clearly a fallen for lack of a better turn. And then they they wanted to

please strad, gesturing up to the castle by... You say strad? It's got the... Yeah, this bad by the conversation. Yeah, I do get the... Well, not the impression you have outright said, but I'm just checking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the discussion with Tarpos is really just, like, hit home to be like, well, yeah. Yeah. What's the point?

What is the point? We are literally, why hide everything? This is like, we are, like, we are only surviving because he's choosing us, like not outright kill us. There is, yeah, I don't know, it's like ants going up against, like, yeah, a human with a can of mortaigne. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, you're not spraying it yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm here. Yes, exactly.

Yes. He thought that Gitting is his past lover or something, resurrecting them in all the guise of them. It defiled lots of corpses, made some sort of abomination. But it acted with, again, like the controlling, the angel was in the control of it at all times. Gretchen seems horrified by this description. Yes, it was awful.

And the bushes and trees nearby rustle a little bit and pot. Pip, you see the second bear appear out of that foliage. Oh, I did. Oh, God. Oh, come on. The bear grabs you with a poor, Pip. I'm dead. Rags you along the ground and drags you along the ground.

and drag you along the ground far enough so that the roots wrap underneath your arms and start dragging you towards them as they drag you further and further they begin rolling and wrapping around your chest because the bear did that you take two failed saving throws

oh is that so Adam is that is that real is that wow well to keep going back to game of throw and you're going to get blood rape oh I'm going to get to put me in the tree I actually got a... Sorry, I actually got to check because the bear might outright kill you.

Okay. So the bear... Well, he was on zero. He was on zero. Yeah. So, a hit against you is automatically a critical hit. Yeah. And if the bear...

Because your hit points are so low. Ah. If the bear does more than... It's just a fucking bear. If the bear does... It's a critical hit. And if the bear does more than 39 hit points, you die. Crazy to have a second character killed by bears.

Pip and so great birth. Mm. Going out the same way. Which ones are these four players, I forget? Bears, man. They are hazardous. They are dangerous. That is true.

You know? You think it's going to be some ghoul or goblin? No. It's going to be Mother Nature's evil controlled by druid bear. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what happens at Great Berth. That's canon. Yeah, that's canon.

That's true. It was an evil bear controlled by a druid that had a grudge. Okay? A grudge against Sir Grapeath, the world's great. Disadventurer. Alright, so, Pip, let me give you a pretty important choice. Yeah, yeah, all right. Slashed ankles or sliced tendon, which would you prefer?

They're pretty similar. So I'm going to, let's get rid of sliced tendon. Let's do a different one. Weakening slash, do you like that one? What weakening slash makes me think is that I'm going to lose more total hip points. So let's go the tendon one. The 10D one? Yeah, let's go

10D, let's go chicken tendies. All right. No, it's slashed ankles or weakened. Well, let's go slashed ankles then. Triple damage,

and you are knocked prone. Fuck, dude. Triple damage. Yeah. What would have been? What was the other one? What would have been? The other one?

The other one, you deal half damage on your melee attacks for the next one D8 rocks. Fuck! Oh. Okay, triple damage. So, a D8

plus three, which means that triple damage times three. So, 13. Okay. Mm. I, no.

All right. All right. I think you're fine because even if I roll maximum damage, okay. Yeah, you're lucky. Even if I roll maximum damage, it would be 30, like, six, I think. Would it? Yeah, it'd be 36 is the maximum I could plausibly get. So you're fine.

Jesus Christ. It won't outright kill you. Jesus Christ. Pipp is going through the first. fucking ringer, dude. But yeah, you take two failed saving throws, and then because it's your turn, you need make a dead saving throw. Okay.

And if you get 10 or less, you die. Yeah, give it here, dude. Give it fucking here. 15. 15. All right. Oh, God, dude. How has this happened like every combat that I've had?

Fuck, dude. One saving throw. Every single combat. You need to heal, bro. Yeah. I need to heal my, but here's the trick, Jossamett. I need to heal my fucking total hit point. And I can't do that

Maybe ever again Until I leave Borovia Well you just need one long rest If you can survive for a long rest That's true But does the long rest bring me all the way back up Yeah long rest does Yeah, well long rest should yeah

Okay To be like maximum hit points I try because you got those exhaustions Because I got I got fucking drained By Kilova Yeah one long rest The time you need Yeah

It's fucked up That's crazy Yeah I know one long rest and then your maximum hit points return to normal. That'd be nice. Yeah, I'd love that. Yeah. Because I've been really struggling. Mew. Mew.

I've noticed. Yeah. Pipp, forgive me. But I just remembered as well that you actually should be taking a grievous injury from this. Oh, of course, Adam. You've hit a beautiful... Because your max...

The amount of damage required for a grievous injury is based on your maximum HP. But the damage that enemies can do to you is based on your level and your level would normally give you a higher HP Yes, yes, yes But you don't have that right now

I'm in the Goldilocks zone of constantly getting grievous injuries I would call it the Goldilocks sign Me too You sustain a dangerous injury Dangerous you say The bear Jaws your wrist

The bear When it grabbed you It grabbed you around the wrist And then it kind of just started Fucking shaking you dude Yeah, it makes sense like he's good place him to be dragged by. You have disadvantage on any

attack roll or ability check requiring the use of two hands until you finish a short rest. That's all right. That's too bad. You may forego the disadvantage for a turn by taking one D6 damage. This damage

increases by a D6 for every consecutive round in which it has taken. Okay. Interesting. I mean there's nothing I can do about it now because I am unconscious and dying, but... That's nice. That's okay, interesting. It's nice to know that you get to wake up to a mangled wrist.

Yeah. Because the bear keeps dragging you. That's another. That's another fail. That's, yeah, that's, yeah. And another grievous injury if I survive. You know what I love? Well, you know, you're on two. That's dead. Yeah.

Your corpse is mauled by a bear. You know what I'm really exciting, by Pimp? Yeah. so that you don't a short rest is actually so doable for you yeah because it is only overnight yeah but you don't have that time no no no no i'm so excited all right here's i think you get you get healed yeah we should be conscious i'm just going to try and get to you okay here's the problem she has to take an attack from one of the bears to get to you uh-huh if the bear hits her it knocks her prone she's quick right she's like a

Quick bod. AC-15. The bear gets a plus five. It needs to roll a 10. That seems really easy. Do you want to roll for the bear? You still got to die. Yeah, okay.

It needs to roll a 10, you say? It rolled an 8. So, what do you think about them apples? The bear misses. The bear swipes at Iona, and she ducks underneath, slides in the mud. Like a slip-in-slide slides in the mud. Slipping slide, that's a reference that non-Australians will get. Yeah, dude.

I don't think it's Australian. I think it's Australian. That's the American name for it. Oh, what do we call them? Slippy-dippy. That's not true. No, we don't. Jack, your mind's firing so much trick of it by,

because I was like, what can we call it stupidy? Oh, yeah, the Slippy Dippy, Slippy Dippy. There was the most U joke I've ever done back at you. You say this, but there's been an argument all day today. That's a U joke. It's not. What the fuck, did you? That is such an out.

I'm fucked in the head, dude. The most Adam joke in the world. Don't say I'm fucked in the head. The most Adam joke in the world is to tell a lie. Shut up. Don't fucking say that. It's funny, it used to be that

only say like plumbing that cell are baseless speculation were argument podcasts, but it's bleeding into everything else. Everything's becoming, everything was becoming shut up a second. Now everything's becoming fucking... Just an argument.

Just a yell at one another. All right. Iona gets to you, she places her hands on your chest, and you hear her singing a song in the, well, in a language you don't understand. Yeah. But the tune, you don't, actually, you know what, fuck. She says it in a language you don't understand, but you know the fucking words. She sings, Pip, a lullaby. The lullaby, you, it's like she's unlocked a fucking memory.

I was about saying the reptilian part of your brain. It's all reptilian, baby. She, in the sub-reptilian part of your brain, a memory is unlocked, Pip. She sings a song that you, like, have just a brief flashback of everything is like soft. Yeah. And calm and pleasant. And you are being held by a familiar creature, an entity that you could only assume is your mother. This is crazy because this is the second time she's done this.

I have to ask her what that lullaby is at some point. She keeps doing this to me. You are being held, you are less than, I want to say you're less than three. You're maybe like two years old. No, you would be younger than that yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you would probably be basically an infant. Yeah.

You are being held by your mother and it was the last time you felt safe. You regain 22 hit points. Whoa, that's pretty good. I wake up in full panic attack mode. That was more hit points than you began This combat with Yeah, I know All right

And that was That was Iona's turn When I wake up I grab Iona by like the shirt And I'm like, stop doing that Pick a different song Doing what, what do you mean? Just a different lullaby next time I didn't sing a lullaby, she says

I cast this spell And then it is John Cavendish's turn Okay John looks at one of the bears And leveling his weapon He says Well, that just ain't cricket, is it? Crack!

He fires at one of the bears. They're pretty tough. It's going to take two shots To bring a bear down for him. Across two shots, he brings one of the bears down. Then he drops his rifle, draws his cavalry cutlass. Cavalry Saber, sorry.

He draws his Cavalry... People are going to get real mad by you're saying it, right? He draws his cavalry saber and then launches at the other one. He has more attacks left, so he's going to use them. Yeah, dude, use them up. And...

Shit, does he just do this? Knowing Cavendish, probably, dude. No, I don't think he can't actually. Oh, beans. The second bear cries out in pain, but does not go down. As Cavendish slash, slash.

a big X for Excavindish On its chest Wordplay To me my ex-Scavindish He could have said X marks the spot That could have worked too That is not wordplay And then it is the engineer's turn

The engineer Hey friends It's Nikola from the podcast Side House Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen. Hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads. With hundreds of options for ages 0 to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y dot com.

walks over to the bear and the giant mechanical arm boom donk on its fucking head yeah donk the bear's head crunch snaps the bear's nose touches its belly button but no other part of the bear moves entirely through pivoting neck the bear's nose touches its belly button the bear crumples forward's dead sorry Joel

That guy just too brutal. This guy is just too brutal for these just, like, woodland critters and animals. These beautiful bears alone. These bears did nothing to you. Oh, they mauled you. It mold me nearly to death. An aspect that we, I probably should mention, that is in my head, war-wise, is that the engineer, after every fight, goes around in the mecksuit and just crushes the neck of any enemy you.

Just to make sure they're dead. Oh, I see. Well, I mean, that's very similar to what Pip does. I was with, you know, making sure with zombies. So, you know, I get it. I've got no truck with it personally. It makes sense, you know, to be sure, to be sure. To be sure, to be sure, exactly.

To be sure, to be sure to be sure. Is that both bears dead? That's both bears dead. I don't, like, relax, though. Well, yeah, you're not out of an initiative. You're being grappled, buddy. Yes, that's, yeah, yeah. And also, just because it was deer's bear.

I don't know what's next. Elephants. Yeah. A Barovian elephant. Yeah, dude. Could be. With fangs in its trunk? I don't know.

Okay I should not have given you that idea Like it's like a little trunk is like a like a Yeah Like it's got a little lamprey mouth Yeah And it sucks on it drinks blood through its trunk Yeah

Dude I'm saying for years Yeah I um Turned a elephant I don't know Beautiful vampire I don't know Thought it was sent you My

I've never seen an elephant I thought it was you know I don't know People I forget what they're cough They're glomps or some shit Yeah I thought it was a

glump, but I... Someone improperly described what the tabaxi is to me and I've just been turning cats. But a whole herd of vampire cats They are in luf.

Yeah, it's good. Forgive me. Forgive me. Oh, fuck. Okay, I would like to, what, so, is it my turn? Uh, shit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's your turn. Okay.

I would like to, with one of my tree bane arrows, I'd like to, because my wrist is fucked and I don't want to sacrifice the hip points, can I just, with my non-fucked wrist, use it like a dagger to stab into the plant that's... Lose one of your arrows, and I'll say you don't even need to roll. You just touch the root base with the arrow, and the roots immediately let go of you and retreat back. So are they coming from, like, the centre mass? Okay. Okay. So that center mass is something.

Okay. All right. I'm guessing the center mass is A, the trigblight, B, also where probably the coffin is, right? Yeah. I would imagine. Surely that's the safest place to have a coffin. Yeah. What do you do now, Pip? Okay. We need to get to the center of this. I gesture to the sort of mass of trees in the middle. But obviously, it's not going to want us to do that. But I got nine plant bane arrows that can buy us some time to at least get in the middle.

I'd like to distribute the plant bane arrows to everybody. Okay. You have you, Cavendish, Iona, the engineer. Is that it? I'm not forgetting anyone. Yeah, I think that's it. Yep. All right.

So there's four of you, nine arrows. How do you distribute them? Someone gets three. Yeah. I'll take three just in case I need to put them in my crossbow. I need to use them, but then, yeah, everyone else can. Yeah. Okay.

You continue to make your way further in. Oh, actually. Highs are loaves Hise Hyes Lose? You tell me how about You go hies

Okay, highs then Hyes? All right You use up all of your Plant Bane arrows I figured we would I figured we would And are not there yet Yeah, yeah yeah

Whatever, it bought us time And you begin the root system Kind of, it's not It's not like full on grappling you But now Before it was difficult to rain

like you were being slowed down. But now the roots are grabbing your feet. Maybe at one point, you see Iona, she brings one of her, she has trouble bringing one of her legs up. And then with this tremendous, she leaves one of her boots behind and keeps going. Okay.

And maybe it happens to you as well at one point, Pip. And yeah, the roots, any route network anywhere near you is trying to grab and hold your, is trying to grab and hold your boots. Is it kind of like trying to try to. to crawl through a mass of writhing snakes. That's what I'm imagining. Like you move and the roots are like sliding around your hands.

As you're moving, you can see the trees themselves start leaning in towards you to try and box you in. Okay. The trees here are all twisted, dead, gnarled things, except as you're moving in forwards, you see one of them is still alive. It still has life on it. Leaves and it looks at the, the. Dead ones are all kind of this dark, deep, black, blacky sort of brown.

This one, it's a lot lighter. It's almost, it almost appears like a willow tree's bark, like almost light brown. This still living one, as you're moving in, you can see it moves in an un, it moves against the breeze, actually. It doesn't move with the wind, but in a different direction. And you can see it's, it shakes one way a little bit, and then heavily in a different direction one way and then heavily in a different direction. If you are heading north, it is gesturing almost northeast. I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to say we take the tree's advice and we head northeast. Okay. I'm going to follow the tree's direction. And I'm also going to start

kind of, I don't, I don't really know how I'd sense this, but I'm going to try and start looking out for evidence that Tarpos is also doing something. Because in my head, if we were the distraction, she should probably be there by now. Yeah. So I'm just going to keep that in mind as well. Yeah. Okay. We'll follow the tree's direction. All right. You follow the tree's direction. As you're moving, the sun, by the way, is beginning to set. It's beginning to get very, very dark. You, Pip, leading the way, do you have anything for a perception check? Brother, would that I could. Uh, uh, a last no. I truly don't, dude. I love it like tarpauses very much

Don't trust the trees And you're like, I'm gonna trust the trees This seems like a good one One of the good ones Yeah Pip you take a step And you realize nothing's there You fall into the darkness

Oh dear Unbeknownst to you You have been walking towards the edge of It's not like a cliff But it is a significant drop A steep fall You are Bump Bump Bum Bum Bum Hitting for once

Oh, not for once, sorry For the first time since crossing that threshold Yeah The roots are not trying to grab you You kind of wish they were Fuck, dude Does anyone else fall with me? Well, I'm about to roll for that God damn it, dude

God damn it Oh no You were with the stupidest people imaginable I get a bad boy card And you can hear the rest of your group Is it like this where I get to the edge and I'm like, whoa, and then they bop, bop, bop, bump into behind me.

We all tumble off together. One by one, you each fall off this ledge. Do we take damage? Yeah. Do we take damage? Do we take damage, boss? Yeah, you take damage, you fucking idiot.

All right, you fall. And so do all of your companions. Pip. Is Pip? Leading? Sorry? He's people like leading the charge like he's in the front. Yeah, I was in front. Yeah, yeah. So like if the others fall, did they they would fall on him, yeah. Starts in a question. Why would you do that? Hmm? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you do that? I don't know. This place has made you enemies. You take 19 points of damage, Pip. Oh, come on 24 or whatever. 24. 24. 22. You're on three hit points. Okay. Well, hey. It's better than zero

Yeah, that's true And now everyone lands on me And I do die for real No, I'm gonna be that cruel No, that doesn't happen Thank you I wouldn't be that cruel I'm thinking about it

But I wouldn't do it Do you want a good boy card? Yeah, maybe, yeah I'd love one Joel's Hammond Yeah, not Tony of you Jackson I'll give you a good boy card If it happens

Well, yeah Take a good boy card No, no Because how many people fall on him I'll say it's just the engineer Enough to kill me for the engineer. He's in a Mac.

He's in a Macs are heavy. So heavy. No. Do it for the Good Boy card, dude. It's tempting. The Good Boy card's going to come in more handy. I'll probably survive this. Maybe.

Go to the, give me, okay, grab two randomly. Okay, can he grab two randomly and read out the title? Is this okay? Can we do this? Can we do this? I don't know if he does. Okay, give us the titles. Polyglot?

Oh yeah. And whoa, how'd I do that? One I can look. A language, yes. Adam, I was mistaken. He does know what the guys do. You don't know, you don't remember what, whoa, how'd I do that works? I do know that, whoa, how I do, I guess I could kind of, through context clues.

Like, I guess I succeed in a something. No. Maybe. Wrong. Yeah. Well, all right. Wo, how'd I do that or polyglot? Oh, man.

Learning a language is funny. Learning a language is funny. To do, for you to basically, once again, enter death. saving flows for us, just to learn a language. Literally, I want to say for like the fourth time today. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, both are pretty good, I will say. What? That's in both Goodboy Cards.

No, they're not. Yeah, well, how do that? Polyglot might be useful in a different type of campaign. In Borovia, Polyglots, pretty useful. I think you'll find a way. Okay. I do want to learn a language. Do it.

No, what was it? Whoa, how I do that. Yeah. Yeah. Get got by an engineer. You can cast one cantrip you don't know. Ah. Firebolt.

Yeah. How useful. All right, yep. Pip, you with a, with a, you land, kind of comedic comedy style. You land on your butt with two of your legs splayed out in front of you. You give a little, like, wobble forwards and backwards. And looking to your left, you see Cavendish. like his legs up in the air his chest down face in the mud slide along you look to your right

you see iona rolling down like on like a how as if she intentionally was rolling down the hill like in a in a line she's kind of brought her legs and arms in and she's rolling slowly to a stop and then you you think the sun is setting very quickly and then you look up and you realize the sun is not setting very quickly and the engineer lands on top Oh god Mac and all Mech and all

Now this is I'm not gonna roll dice It's at least three damage So you're on zero But it's definitely not 39 Yeah okay I'm not gonna die Thank goodness

But I am once again Unconscious For the fourth time today For old time's sake For old time's Lights go out for pickman For old Langs sign Lights go out for Pip mandarin.

Should I roll death savings for us? Not just yet. Pip, for you, everything becomes dark. And out of that darkness, Rahaddin emerges, Hector. There is two. Two of these. I forgive me. Did you call them Frankenstein's monsters?

I think I said Franken guys. But I think they are, um, golem's comma, Franken guy? something like that yeah so there's two of them there's two it would appear a man and a woman there's one sleeping one

are they both awake they are both awake sitting by a fire that what he nods sitting by a fire and it would appear preparing rabbit

or something that looks like rabbit he says right always it can't be a guy Yeah, if it is, it's a very little guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A rabid guy.

They could be, like, a fairy maybe, yeah, some such. Okay, so I guess Emmanuel de Montser was talking about, I guess, flesh columns, I guess this is something else. So, fire that means nothing. Great. So I guess we know nothing. Can either of you see in the dark? Raha Din can. Sorry, can either of you see in darkness?

Like magical darkness? Yes, like magical darkness. They both shake their heads. Okay. Wait. Are they close? The horseshoe, you were saying, is it basically off a cliff? No, it's not a cliff.

It's steep, but it's not a cliff. So we couldn't push them off a cliff and then be done with it? You try. You don't know what it's like over there. You ask Rahadim. Yeah. And he says, he thinks for a moment and he says, it would not be a guarantee, but it certainly would harm them.

Okay. Well, so I guess we start drawing on, like, the ground, like, you know, the sticks, whatever, like, there's these two, trying to come with any sort of tactics. Well, oh, sorry, please go on. I can, look, I can, I can cast, initially it was I was going to cast, thinking if they were afraid of the fire, I could cast magical darkness. Presumably they cannot see in the dark, I can, to whistle away at them, while if they

were to run out of the darkness, is you would be there with a gesture to, like, the unlit torch and then would be to try to push them back in as it were but they don't seem to be afraid of fire so I mean the tactic we could still try to do, try to push them

back into so they cannot see whereas you two can and I can does it look like they would need to sleep? I mean if they're eating one would assume that at least one of them could sleep. I do not know if they're eating one could make the

assumption that they also need to sleep. And if they are not scared of fire, one can assume that everything that Emmanuel said, meaningless. So, I still would be wary of thunder damage or lightning damage. But everything else could be on the table. Magic may be, hard to say. Go there, wait a little bit, see if they can fall asleep. If one of them does, great, if they're not, oh well. Cast the magical darkness, I run in, and if they are trying to then escape it or flee, push them in. Hopefully one of them in the confusion runs off

the edge. Fingers crossed. Otherwise, we just whittling down and see what happens. Rahadin must... It is a big risk. Okay. Is this

worth it? Is this worth it? We need only one to question. And certainly Rahadin looks at you and looks at Sir Gretchen neither of you are wearing armor right now

and Sir Gretchen is not a very experienced fighter he looks at the two of you and says we need only one to question and I should say that two might be

too much for us to handle. Rahadin looks at you Hector you get kind of like a he also understands that Sir Gretchen is not a very, like, she's not incompetent or anything like that, but she's not a very, she's not a confident

fighter. And Rahadin himself as well is not a very strong man. So, you're really, you're really kind of like tempting fate by trying to take one of them alive. Okay. Do they have anything else on them?

It's like a pack or anything of information of worth taking. He shakes his head. Nothing but the rags, which they Dresdian funeral garb I assume more what is left of it Could just talk to him I mean I feel like that's what the old actor would do

Is there anything to do with potentially diplomatic relations Rahadin shrugs and says The spies and agents and assassins that Borka has sent in the past

have not been forthcoming with diplomacy But I defer to your judgment in this matter. We don't know who I am. I don't really know who they are. Perhaps a conversation. And then if things go south,

at least we have somewhat of a plan. Very well. Okay. How wounded is Gretchen? I know I'm pretty badly. She's not very hurt. She's not very hurt. Like, she's bruised and a bit battered,

but she's fine. I'm going to lay of hands in myself. Okay. Or healing hands, just kind of. How much? I think just 10. 10 hit points. Yeah, going from 40 to 50.

Yeah. Out of your maximum of 80. 44 to 54. Thank you very much. I need those four points. I don't want to get crushed by a Franken guy. Yeah, yeah. You don't want to get pop you had like a purple.

Speaking of crushed by a Franken guy. All right, you... All right, so plan being is go there. Rahadin, maybe you just stay hidden. Gretchen I guess you can stay hidden as well or you can come out with it doesn't really matter

perhaps if things look like they are turning south I can cast darkness and we can escape we can try to get some licks onto them to try to way laid them but I think you are correct in the assessment there where perhaps

do not know this we do not there's a lot of unknowns right now the three of us against two of them perhaps we could with the upper hand but why I risk that and you're going to approach

them from if you approach them from a little bit if you snuck up and a little bit over like so that you were higher than them you would have kind of if a fight broke out you would have a tactical advantage is that the idea that you're going to approach from a tactically advantageous

position yeah okay yeah all right Hector you make your way around and Rahadin keeps his distance you and Gretchen well you will need to make stealth checks just to be not seen until you get close enough to have a conversation

you don't do great at one point as you're making your away you are not yet in that advantageous position you are more like in line with them now so rather than rather than having a

height advantage, should you want to shove or a height advantage, even just for fighting, you would be on basically even footing with these entities. When that happens, as you're kind of creeping, you hear Gretchen hit

something or bump against something behind you and you hear her call out in surprise and shock, and then from ahead of you, there's immediately you can't see very well. You're mostly making your way by the light of the fire. You can't see these two entities, you just see their little camp.

Something obscures the flames for a second, and then you hear a voice call out, Who's there? Show yourself. I just like, don't worry, it is fine. I start walking towards their camp, hands up, like, you know, as is to be like, I'm not holding any weapons. I'm, hey, I'm not here to attack. You step a bit closer, and the chill night air of Borovia dies down a little bit with the warmth of the flames.

Pip, the fire's warmth calms you. Dragonborn of your ilk, at least, have natural resistances to fire, immunities to fire. And you find yourself on cold winter nights like this in the monastery. You find it calming To as you're doing your rounds sweeping You find it calming to Kind of move from fireplace to fireplace Staying as close to them as possible

Every time you approach one of the fireplaces You hear that I get some like Just deep part of your mind Here's it I stick by the fire then I I stick by the fire I guess is

long as I will be allowed, you know? Like, I imagine I've timed it out to the point where it's like, this is the maximum amount of time I can spend by this fire before I get in trouble for inactivity and laziness. Pip, you hear a voice. You, from the humming stops and that familiar voice says something in a language you don't understand. You don't understand it not because you.

You, it's a language. It's just like some foreign language. You don't understand it because at the time... I don't understand any language. Yeah, sure. You, something is soothing about these words. And the last part of it, that last snippet of whatever's being said, is something... It's not just words. It's a name. It's your name. It's your real birth name. You recover 29 hit points and you're awake. Is it Iona?

doing it again? I push her away from me. Obviously with some force but also like not in a way where it's like an attack Thank you I don't know What do you what are you what are you doing when you do that It is as a song But a spell as well

It is not a I should think that it is not a song that you are famous What's the song called? Well, Iona starts flipping through a book. She pulls out. It's like a book of children's tales or children's stories. She starts flipping through it to try and find the one. She says something, yeah, of course you know Draconic.

She says, so the way Draconic works is it's she says a few words. Each word is affected by the word before. after it, but no further. Yeah. So, when you're considering a word, you must consider, or when you, when you're reading or writing Dragonborn, you must consider how the words on either side of it affect or would modify that word. And words can mean completely different things, depending.

The rough translation for the name of this in common from Draconic would be, I have passed by many eyes, but I only got lost in yours. Yeah, you wouldn't know the origin of that song, would you? No, I am, forgive me. Trey dare give me this book, she says, and she shows you the book of songs and children's tales. It's written in a myriad of different languages. It's not pulling from any one culture, but...

It's just like a collection. Yeah, almost like a... Well, I was about to say Grimm's fairy tales, but that's actually really only European. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it'd be like if someone had done that, but for the entire world, basically. Does it have to be that song?

This is the ones that I do when I perform healing magics. And that song is connected to the magic of healing? It's... Or is it just like... I guess my... You must... It's like finding a source to channel the magic through, she says. And I find that this is the easiest way to channel the magic.

I could try a different one if that... If you could... okay she says it is it might not change how it works though as in it might well the magic is the magic it is like it is like if I just picked a different if I cast through an orb if I just pick up a different orb it is still the same spells I don't I don't yes yeah just for me as a favor pick a different song next time I maybe maybe one day I'll tell you why

But just consider it a favor. And I'll owe you one. Okay, I will do this for you. Now, we are in a pit. Like, look around. How's everyone doing? Everyone's pretty badly hurt. Yeah.

The engineer looks really, as fucked up as you are, the engineer looks honestly worse. That's crazy. He landed on me. Yeah, well, he had to bounce around a fucking metal box the entire way down. And also, he got hurt other times. fucking insensitive little prick.

Leave him along. So defensive, dude. You should marry the engineer of your love him so much. I might. Ayurta's going to heal him as well. Okay. When she does that, she pauses for a sec, you see,

she poses for a sec, and then she quickly gets to the book, flips to a different page, and starts singing that. Oh, wow, you can immediately see the um, fuck. He heals basically nothing. Jesus. Yeah, the engineer's not looking great.

Cavendish is battered, but he's still standing. Iona herself is kind of fine. I mean, you can see some light bruising and a huge gash on her neck, but it's not like deep enough that it's bleeding heavily or anything. It's just a slow, steady bleed. Yes, I think we took a wrong turn somewhere. I look back up the like cliff. You think do you? Yes, Cavendish

Yes. My bad. Maybe I shouldn't have been leading us. Okay? That unfortunately Hines in the air a little bit longer than I. No one, yeah, there's a brief moment of silence where noticeably no one disagrees. But I imagine, I mean, we're on a time limit.

So if everyone's okay, we got to, yeah, the cliff, Is it, like, annoying to climb back up? It might be impossible, honestly, and the dark. Okay. We'll have to go around then. We'll have to navigate around and get back to where we were. Back to the... Do I think that we are effectively in the canyon?

You look around. It's too dark. You can't tell. Oh, fuck, dude. Fuck. We're going to have to circumnavigate it. We're going to have to... I imagine...

I mean, I might be wrong on this. I've been wrong before a million times. But maybe we're in the chasm. a more shallow part of the chasm that we fell in and we dropped the spiders in the bears in them. Maybe if we head around and we can try and find a place with a cliff's not so sheer and we can climb back up.

Iona and the engineer look from you to Cavendish. Cavendish stands up. He pulls out a red stick. He cracks one end of it and with a psh it bursts into light and then Cavendish turns around and silently begin.

begins leading you. Sure. Fine. Whatever. I'll follow off. Hey friends, it's Nikaela from the podcast Side Hustle Pro. I'm always looking for ways to keep my kids entertained without screens. And the Yoto Mini has been a total lifesaver. My kids are obsessed. Yoto is a screen-free audio player where kids just pop in a card and listen, hours of stories, music, podcasts, and more. And no screens or ads.

With hundreds of options for ages zero to 12, it's the perfect gift they'll go back to again and again. Check it out at yotoplay.com. Y-O-T-O-P-L-A-Y.com. My name's Ryan. This is my best friend Tony, and together we do the Tony and Ryan podcast. Montreal. Bonjour. People right across Canada are listening to our daily podcast, though, but don't just take our word for it. Jamie from Vancouver. I think people should listen to the Tony and Ryan podcast because they are hilarious. There's no better comedy than Australian comedy they are unhinged. Thank you, Jamie. But just be warned if you're going up for a walk, you might laugh.

ass off in public. But it's worth it, trust me. Oh, yeah, be safe out there. Yeah, take it easy. Yeah. Listen to Tony and Ryan every day.