D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #23 Fateless

Episode Date: January 10, 2026

/feɪt-less/ADJ.1. Having or showing a lack of fate. Having no predetermined destiny.She went through life like a fateless rock tumbling down a hill2. To act unpredictably or have an immunity to divination.The only thing more shocking than when she pulled the knife was that the court diviner couldn't find the fateless traitor3. A condition of unknown causation where the subject cannot have their future predicted by magical means.Get out! Get out of here! You charlatan! You fake! You fateless wench!NOUN1. Being a member of a class known for having blue blood and being immune to divination magic. First observed by the scholar Chester A. B. in the Age of Devastation.The fateless cannot be tamed by gods or kings, they are a people who are truly free in every sense of the word If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oi, lads, did you miss out on the Jaron's Outpost Kickstarter and wish you weren't such a big doofus? Well, fear not. Late pledges are now open and they'll be open for a little while, so just head to Kickstarter search for D&D for Nerds or Jaron's Outpost and slam that late pledge button. Far from the beautiful beaches of blue sand of my homeland is a place called Barovia, the place we now find ourselves. While they may look very different, one thing is the same.

sensation of being surrounded. We cannot leave this place, this disgusting barony of one Strad von Zaravich, at least not until we usurp him and take the throne for ourselves. Careful though, Friesen carries a heavy price in these parts.

As you approach those double doors, you can hear on the other side mirth and laughter and song and even dance. Oh, weird. I guess. Starting point. would be to go to the, I guess, the

Cantonese people that I would recognize. Just trying to think who you're sitting down next to specifically. Oh, yeah. Who is next to me, apart from Gretchen? Oh, Gretchen on one side? Highs or lows?

Let's go with... Let's go highs, why not? A halfling is sitting next to you. You can see the halfling is doing a similar... No, he's not doing a similar... Actually, he's doing quite the opposite to what Gretchen is doing.

Gretchen is just shoveling food into her mouth This halfling, he has a little plate of food And you can see he's very carefully picking at it Like he's trying to eat around something But you can't tell what it is He's trying to eat around Hi there, man, hello, I'm Hector Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you too I'm Wilburra Wilburr-Shirfut Nice to meet you Wurberra Shofut Have you been in Barovia long A little while, yeah How do you find yourself here?

I gesture to this grand hall and fabulous party. Well, I was sorry to say, I was on the run from the law. Took a little jump over a bridge, well, a bridge with a gap in it, like a thoroughbridge type thing, hoping to land on the other side, but I missed. Landed in the moat instead. And then when I put my head out, I wasn't in. Well, it wasn't anywhere I knew, actually.

I was out in a place called Valakai. Near a lake. Right, right, right, right, right. That's a lake, that's the Baratok one? Yeah, I think. Yeah, then that, okay. A bunch of corpses around and whatnot. That's after a while I was there, right?

That's after, yeah. Yeah, it would be. You think so, yeah. I mean, you do remember a bunch of corpses being there, but you created that, well, the Gogh created that situation. And also, you know, like, who knows? There probably was corpses there in the past. Yeah.

It's both. Oh, right, right, right. Gave me a bit of a fright, I have to see. Yeah, there was, was there anything in the water when you got there? I described like a big tently thing, just like flapping about. Well, that's terrifying, no. Right, right, okay. When I was there, that was there.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know it wasn't there for me. No, the place you're talking. And then you went to Valica, yes? Yeah, I went to Valakai. I spoke with some people there. How was that? I'm asking questions in regards to, like, to try and place him in the timeline of when I was there. Yeah. Like, you know, if he was saying, like, big tree in the middle. I'm like, got it.

You think he arrived just after the tree fell? Like, he's talking about people. When he arrived in Valichai, people are talking the, like, reconstruction efforts. And people are, he never even went to the west side of the city, but he was, he heard people like bragging about how easy it's going to be because this time the problem caused the solution. Yes, that was a giant, like a triant. But they were using the wood from that to build the, well, that does not sound good at all.

I'm pretty sure that wood would bleed. Right. And then, isn't it currently encased? What do you mean? Varakai seems impenetrable. He puts up his hands. I think I heard about that. That's after me, though.

Right. And then you came here. No way went to Brovia, the little village down the way. I've not been there yet. I wouldn't recommend it. It's not great down there. Right. But here it is...

I gesture. Sorry, yeah, yeah. Do you not find it so strange. Like, things with you, you know, I'm guessing you've encountered. I suppose I would find it strange. Yeah, I don't know why they'd spend their days there when they could come up here. I thought could come up. What do you mean?

He looks around. Well, a bunch of people here are from the town. They'll come. Yeah. What's wrong with the town? Borovia? Yeah. He laughs.

It's unpleasant. You know, monsters roan around. people not having a great time and whatnot. Right. But they could just come up here. Well, some of them can, clearly. He says any gestures to a couple people. I saw them down in town.

They're up here now. I saw them in Valakai. They're here now. Yes. Sorry, it's all very strange. I've only been here for a few months, I feel. Months! You've got to get out of here.

That I would like. Yeah, guy. Well, don't you talk to the big guy, he says, and he gestures towards where the band's playing. Ask him. In due time. Why don't you get out of here? I am, he says. And that's why you're here.

I'm staying for the thing today, and then I'm leaving tomorrow. Oh, you've spoken to the... Yeah, I've chatted to him. He said he's looking for something, something, I don't know, and he thought maybe it could be me, but he decided against it, and now he's letting me go. And where are you from? Are you from... I'm from Solnesty, he says. You don't recognize it.

No, I don't recognize that. Is that in, sorry, are you even from Kandor? Or Ognot? Never heard of it. Ognot I've heard of Ognot? I've heard of Ognot. That's like, yeah. That's a few places over from me, he says.

A few places over from me. Wait, Ognot the, what? Ognot. Right, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Big place, a lot of ocean, some, like. land, he says.

Well, he's not wrong. That's scratching my head. You're not wrong. So, Nesty, it's like, okay. He pushes his plate aside. He maybe gets, like, he grabs a heaping of mashed potatoes and slaps it on the table in front of him.

All right. He draws you a little map of the multiverse. Okay. All right, so Ognots here in the middle. And then you do a, jump through the ethereal. You do a jump into...

The ethereal. Now, you can get two ways to Solnesty. You can go through the garden party of forever. It's so funny that this is like when you ask a guy for directions. You can go through the garden party of forever, but I wouldn't recommend that. That's Gregory Boones.

Yes, I know about that guy, yes. Yeah, unpleasant. I would recommend the Tower of Learning, he says. And he draws a really long line. It goes infinite. in both directions. And you're, a planes walker?

No. No. It's the first time out of Solnesty. Right. Right. Because, look, when I came here,

I mean, I barely knew about other planes. Like, I kind of knew about the whole... Yeah, that sounds like Ognot to me.

Demons to, yeah. It's not what, a sort of plainer backwater. It feels like. Yeah. Yeah, like the idea of a planes walker is,

I mean, like, again, I've only ever encountered one. Well, you're a planes walker. now. I never really thought about that, but I suppose, but yeah, I guess I am.

Yeah. Right. Anyway, yeah, well, look, it can be a bit jarring, I suppose, yeah, if this is your first time out of the material. That's a jarring anytime, because, you know, the material's so... Gives a look like it's unpleasant,

and he says, neutral. Right, right, right. But, you know, Like, so I assume your time here, you're like, oh, ah, it's sad, it's oppressive, it's, you know, evil, yeah, da, da, right? I've experienced some horrible things, yes. Yeah, well, when you get around, you realize that's not that big a deal. Places are just places, you know? But I suppose the places are just places, and I guess what is, you're saying, like, is what is evil, what is good, is more about the way, the people in it?

what I'm saying is you jump into a pool, what I'm saying is you jump into a pool, don't be surprised when you're wet. Right, right, right. So I feel Hector is trying to think that maybe he's being a little bit more philosophical than he is. Right.

By being like, you know, hey, places are just places. It's who's around that actually makes the impact. That's what Hector is interpreting this conversation. That is normal Wilbur saying. I know that that is not what he is saying. saying, but that is what Hector is getting from this conversation. I just want to make that explicitly

clear. Wilbur spends like five, ten minutes trying to explain the concept the the concept of in a plainer sense that you have spent your entire

life in a room that was room temperature. You have spent your entire life in the room temperature a room and this is the first time you've stepped out of that place and so of course everything feels a bit strange but that's just

it's not really a big deal it's just what it is and I don't think you're getting it Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you speak of my language yeah of course yeah yes alright and when you get back to your Solastri Solnesty Solnesty

Solnesty right Solnesty I guess you'll just pick up where you left off or is it's Oh, it's kind of a hope. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. Apparently time can be a little weird.

Hector stops a little bit too much to be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Yeah, never really stopped to think about that one. I mean, that could be good for him. I mean, that could be really good, but, hey, maybe, you know, how it goes back out to 100 years ago. Yeah. It goes about, oh, it's a thousand years into the future.

Oh, no. You don't want to step out and have already lost. Yeah. Fair enough. Right, right. Hey, if you've got some place that you need to be, you should start stacking his fingers. You don't want a doodle here.

No, I suppose I don't want to go ahead. Yeah, this is your first time planes walk and you've got to know. The longer you spend outside, the harder it is to get back to where you were. That is in terms of time. Yeah. Like, if the time works differently here than it does on the material, you said months Yes

You're probably going to be out by more than months And the longer you spend here The more out by you're going to be Yes Right Is Rahaddin around Raha din? Yeah you see him

But he looks really busy He's like a spider in the center of a web As many people come and go from him He's quite clearly doing a lot of the organizational stuff for this party. Well, you have a wonderful evening. Good luck, Wilbur. I, you keep it, he says.

And be careful about wishing people luck in a place like this. I say, yes, why? He shrugs. Of course, I wait, why? He shrugs, and he says, it's just always better to keep things to yourself. And then he returns to his little plate, and he starts pushing things around.

Start eating that mashed potato multibutors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look over at Gretchen, I assume, is still just eating. You look over at Gretchen's gone. Oh, okay. I look around and see if, like, where she is, but mostly I'm going to make her, like, walk. I walk to Rahadan. Gretchen's gone.

You don't know where she is. It's a big party, though. It wouldn't be, you wouldn't be shocked if she was just somewhere else. Yeah, that's, yeah. Again, I like, make a beeline to Rahedan, but as I'm there, I'm, like, looking for Gretchen. But mostly going to Rahadden, very... Those Kandaniese people are quite clearly also trying to make their way to Raha'an. Okay.

You and them... If we kind of like collide in a weird way... You and them are having trouble getting to Rahdin. You keep trying to like either get a word in or talk to him or get his attention. He just seems very busy. You need to, I gesture to Rahdin ever... Yes. One of the people turns to you.

You can see quite clearly someone of means and quite clearly someone important. but you have no concept of who. Yes, we need to speak to him about a business opportunity. What are you here for? I was invited for a dinner. Estrada invited me. Right. Adventure?

Yes, from a candle, but your past. Yes, a lot of strange stuff like that tends to happen around here. Yes, time works differently. Yeah, of course. You're presumably before the Republic. Don't know what that means. Yes. He turns away from you, having completely lost interest in you. Who was our king?

Linus the Grey. Linus the Grey is the king where I... Yeah, it's quite a while then. Yes, you would have been with the kerfuffle with... What's his name? Sir Grace. That's the one. Yeah.

Oh, that stuff. Yes. He just, he was just recently, for me, possessed by whatever it is. Possessed? He looks really surprised at that. Yeah. A helm, did he make the history? There was a, a force, a, a, a, a, someone who could see the future.

Oh. Yes, a divvani. Yes. By the name of a helm that myself and Sir Grace, we went to... A very important person? Let's see. I thought you're going to be like, is it very important you talk to me, right?

Yeah, the king wanted us to get him. And he was possessed by something. Hector, you're getting the distinct impression. You have like 10% of this man's attention. Oh, I figured. I'm just saying it out loud now. He's quite clearly trying to get Rahadin's attention. and he is being polite.

Okay, who is one of the most important wealthy lords that I can remember from my time? That isn't Sir Grace. That isn't Sir Grace. That has like, I'm second, old money. Like, if I was to be like... Like, if I was to be to drop a name to this motherfucker, Richard Ware, maybe.

Yeah, Richard Ware. You could say Richard Ware. I could give you a different name if you don't want to drop Richard Ware. Yeah, I'm just thinking like the aristocracy. Yeah. Like in terms of like the aristocracy, like, you know, if I could... The Enel family are also quite wealthy and large.

That would be... That's the family that's Sir Grace married. Okay, because he's saying like importance. Basically, I'm going to be like, yeah, because I'm a Hector Anel kind of thing. Like, that's what I'm trying to get at because this man is annoying me. Um, you... Okay, hang on. Hise or lows.

Hyes. Okay. Oak flesh. I am Hector Oak flesh. did the you have 25% of his attention

you're getting there that's pretty good Hector Oak Flash yes from the yes I assume our family is still as powerful as we

were you do decently he says what what brings you here well at the moment I'm trying to get the same person

you're getting attention but he seems very busy yes but okay yes what do the

oak fleshers deal it with What is their deal? The oak flushes are a, not the biggest family in Appleville, but like one of the biggest families in Appleville. They used to deal in lumber, but now they deal in trade.

Mercantilism. Gotcha. Well, as you know, well, to be honest, I'm here to try to get out like most of us are. But, I mean, if you are from future, I mean, I know if I can return to the past, perhaps we can make a deal.

I mean, you seem to be here on business. What is the business? We're here to establish a... You're from quite far in the past. Forgive me. Do you know what electricity is? Not like magical lightning. Like, do you know what a gnome bulb is?

Do I know what... I don't think no bulbs of where I'm from. Like gnome bulbs, you mean potato? Yeah, you would know that term for potatoes That's a root vegetable Yeah, yeah, yeah The thing that the gnomes call a potato What an embarrassing thing to say

No, that's a very different It's okay It's um Where Just potentially there's something strad has It's a type of energy All right that we are hoping to collect on.

Right, right, right, right. Okay, hadn't, did you come here, like, by choice or? Oh, we came here by choice, yes. We have an access point. Huh. And that was, do we devise that? You can or devise that in the future? Yes, yes.

That's a, uh, a lot, yes. Wow. It's very impressive. Look, honestly, I can't explain it all myself. So. Yeah, that is all right. I mean, there is... Yes.

It's what, like, thousands of years, hundreds of years between us? A bit more than that, he says. I like, a bit more. I don't remember exactly. He turns to, like, someone who's quite clearly an assistant. I don't remember exactly. We don't have, like, an exact amount,

but it would be, like, tens of thousands. Tens of thousands. Yeah. It's nice that Candor is still standing. Yes. Wow. I don't pick up on that Yeah, I've met

someone here that They were around before the King's Road Was even built The what? The King's Road. You know, the King's Road? The road that goes from the... What is the capital?

The Capitol? Yes. There's Hydele. Okay, all right, that's correct. There's a... The King's Road. The attendant kind of like leans in and whispers something into his ear.

Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, I didn't know it had an earlier name. Oh, right, so it got renamed, because you don't have kings? It's more of a, like a highway, I suppose. Do you... Do you know what a gnomemobile is? No, but... No, no, nomobile.

Oh, yeah, the thing that you put over a crib, the gnomes keep claiming they made. No, that's a gnome. Mobile. Yeah, I guess not. I mean, well... So it runs on this power that we're trying to get. Yes.

Electricity, yes. Yes, electricity, yes. As opposed to... It's good that the... Nol, which is pretty sure just coal. Yes, we have the... Noll, yes. Yes.

But we use... it to make this electricity but there's other ways of making it. Right, yeah, we use the knoll. Why we say, cold, there's not gnom's around. We just use the cold to, like, often heat the houses, warm the earth, that kind of thing. Well, it's great to see that. It's a, yes, as a different type of road,

you wouldn't really recognize it today, honestly. Fair enough. Well, it is nice to see that we're still making progress. Yes. Good to hear it. Definitely making progress. Good to hear. Yeah, well, yes.

And hopefully, I just need to be a very quick chat with Rahadin. Look on over. Very quickly, actually, he says. Very briefly, you notice you have 100% of the attention. Very quickly, if I may have your curiosity on something. Have you, do you know what a fatalist is? Fateless? Yes.

Do I know what a fatalist is? No, you've never heard the term before. No, I've never Have you ever cut someone and they bled blue instead of red? I think back No, you've never encountered someone like that No, I've never encountered their fatalists before No, never mind then, he says

Okay It's just something that, a condition that was more common in your time than in ours Right, right, right I bleed red, really? You bleed red, well, you haven't checked That's a good point But previously you bled red In the past you bled red

I think Hmm I mean What is So they bleed blue Right Yes It's a condition

More common Back in the day But now Yes Now it's less common What does it mean? Well Fateless is

As the name suggests It's You have no fate There is no Divination Can Work upon you Beyond just that, he says, there's, beyond that, it's, you're so disconnected from, from fate and from destiny that being in the presence of someone who is connected to fate and to destiny, it just kind of like ruins theirs, theirs becomes murky and hard to see. So you know how all divination kind of has that chance of.

error or kind of like... I think back to the Tarokka deck and everything that has gone wrong. There's a kind of murkiness to it. Like you never... Someone who tells you the future always has to couch it in some terminology or always has to use

words or disclaimers or whatnot. That is, if there were no fatheless in the world, that would not need to happen. If were there no fatheless at all in the world, every divination spell of a cast would be unerringly completely accurate. The entire universe, the entire multiverse,

would be like a clockwork device. Right. Like a series of numbers going one, two, three, four, and on. Extremely ordered. Yes, this is faceless that causes a bit of chaos in the world. Okay. The reason why divination magic has that murkiness to it. Yeah, where do you ask?

Well, I, if you, in case, We're here for a little while longer while we're doing this business stuff. I need, it's very important for another project of mine, access to someone who is fateful. Okay, right, yes. And what's the project? If I'm not me asking. Well, in my time, how do you feel about Hector Oakflesh? How do you feel about the gods? you know I used to we have a connection where we are from

a lot of the the gods we pray to them for miracles for things other times it does feel like they have abandoned us other times it feels complicated and strange maybe that it is like another form of magic that was

some people just label divine before coming here many many many many months ago I was here night of the cloth they are not so much well in my time

I am working on this thing that I'm doing here that I'm here for is for the state it's not a personal thing but I have a personal project that I am working on

I am weary tired of feeling like us mortals are children running around the skirts of giants. Perhaps things would be better if we well if we forged our own destiny, forged our own lives

rather than being the pawns of the god. Yeah. I see the benefit of that. And I see one step on that road. is better understanding fatheless. That they're difficult to acquire in my time, more common in yours. I would say I'll keep an eye at,

but again, I would not, I would even contact you. Yes. A pity. Is there anything I mean I could do? I mean, if I do get back to Ognot, tens of thousands of years before your time, I mean, I could start the process or something,

start there, you know. Well, as I am from the future, there is little I can offer you. Fair enough, but like as an oak tree takes a long time to grow, perhaps I can plant a seed. Well, that would, I would appreciate that to no end.

Hector, unfortunately, as I said, there's not much I can give you an exchange. Giving me conversation, you've given me insight that candle, well, 10,000 years into the future. We do well. We have this new highway, a nose,

Boom, boom. It's for a device called a train. Blessedly, we designed it. That is nice. Maybe you can, hey, maybe if I can see where the future goes, maybe that is my new profession. He smiles.

Maybe I'm done being an adventure, you know. Yes. Well. Maybe I am done, living in the shadow of my forefathers. Maybe I want to break out for myself. take off the burden it is uh yes it takes a long time but

I'm living at the beginning of a new age Hector I'm very excited for me for the new generation to come my son will not have to deal with this bullshit that I have to deal with leveling the playing field

that sounds wonderful actually the magicians and the gods have their machinations but us normal folk may one day get our just reward he says here's a faraway look

when he says that there's almost a bit of mania in his face when he says that yeah I'm right you know he's like he's been real dim

but he realizes well maybe he doesn't be real that much he's just trying to be like hmm the future crazy yeah yeah

but then some of the stuff what he says can't ring yeah well look fair enough it would be nice for us to be in control of that one.

Yes. Anyway. Oh yes. Let's you get Rahadin's attention. Come see me later. Maybe we can... Rahdin, there's a brief moment in the pulling

and pushing where he turns to the two of you. You see he clocks the man that you were just talking to and he clocks you. And between the two of you, he locks eyes with you, Hector.

And as he steps to engage you, you can see that person that you were just talking to is kind of like gently kind of pushed aside. Okay. Hector,

a pleasure to see you again. Thank you. I just, I won't take up too much of your time. I can see you. Not at all. No. How can I help?

How long has it been since I left you at the tower with Elf? Rahadin gives you a very sorry look. Hector, it has been at least weeks. Weeks. Yes.

How is Elf? She is as fine as things can be. It is unfortunate what has happened to her. She has suffered greatly, but she is alive. She is right now in the Master's Workshop. He does not understand completely what magics were used to create her, but he understands enough that he has been slowly

helping her. That is good. That is good to hear. It is very important to him. So I assure you she will be fine in time. Good, good. The master is very, very patient.

Good. I'm glad to hear that. Thank you. Thank you, right. That is weeks. All right, that's all I wanted to know. You enjoy a gesture around. Good luck with it all.

If there's anything you need of me, I'm always happy to help. I guess the words just fall out of my mouth. You feel a large hand closing on your shoulder as the exact same moment. That man that you were talking to puts a hand on Rahadin's shoulder. The last you hear of Rahdin and this man are him saying, right, about the Barovian Electric Company. and that kind of fades into the party. You turn around?

Strad is standing behind you. Herchtar. Yes. Have you eaten? I had a little something, but I'm not hungry. Not hungry. Strad says he looks concerned. Please come with me.

Sure, lead the way. He walks you out of the dining hall. As I'm walking behind him, I just want to... Not behind him. He puts an arm around you. Oh, no, I want to maybe just... I want to be following him. I want to bite my cheek. And I want to just, like, check the color of my blood. Hector, you bleed blue.

Pep. Uh-huh. Not right in the chops. Oh, wait. I should probably roll the initiative. I guess. Yeah. I've got nine hit points. I'm going to be instantly killed by an hour. But I keep coming back. dude.

Timex Mandarin. I think a... What the fuck is a thing? Take a hidden keep on licking or some shit. Your brain stuff says, call me the Chinese chicken, dude. He's taking one lick and he can't stop. God, I hope a man named Carl was about to kill you.

Carl fires his crossbow. Um, what's your arm across? 15 or something? Ooh, no. I'm 16 Say hi 17

It's 17 I spy with my little eye What is the The ranged attack modifier of a spy Oh dear What did you say? It's 16 I don't

What have you? Oh you're 17 Okay No that's No you're 15 Yeah You get shot in the chest You

Oh well It'd be crazy If you didn't sneak attack you Oh I'm I may be out God damn it

God damn it I was trying to That's fine That's fine Oh boy You take 16 points of damage I'm at least unconscious I really need to heal up

It's really bad to be this low in health all the time It's your turn I'm out Two failed saving throws Oh my God Oh my God Carl Man

killed by a guy named Carl That rules On a side quest On a side quest All right Then it is Muriel's turn Bring me back Muriel

Muriel Muriel steps over you You see Muriel You see Muriel steps over She's got to fucking No She's got to deal with the present problem

I understand She's right She's right She fires an Eldrick blast Up the stairs you you hear Carl

you don't know his name but you hear Carl stagger backwards he takes 13 points of damage and then Muriel gives you a quick look

if you need you on that proficiency bonus let me know Oh yeah we'll do I would love to be proficient in not dying

Yeah yeah yeah Hmm I mean, she doesn't know how bad it is. Okay. Okay. I am on the floor. Arrow in your chest.

Well, Carl's not dead. Yeah, fair enough. Carl fires at her and misses. Mm-hmm. Lucky. This is a smaller target. That makes sense. And then it's your turn, Pip.

Imagine I die. One successful saving throw? Fuck. Now, Muriel is having a very tight borders intense fire fight. As you, like, waving in and out, Pip, you see Eldrick Blasts being fired up and bolts being, like, cross with bolts, being fired back down. You can sense as Muriel steps back over you, and you hear screaming and yelling. Okay.

Briefly. Yeah. You think you hear barking and the tearing of flesh as well. The dogs, the dogs. You're not sure if that's actually happening or if it's just in your psyche. Highs or lows? Lows? I don't know, dude.

All right. All right. I rolled either 98 or 2. Hyes. Yeah. Another saving throw for you, buddy. Hip? Yeah.

You hear a voice. Okay. Pip Mandarin. General Pip Mandarin. It's very frighteningly clear. Pip, you realize you're not wavering in and out of consciousness on the stairwell. You're in a black void. Well, well, wow.

Not so is it? What's the first place you imagine, Pip? Probably the monastery, honestly. All right. You realize you're not sitting in a void either. You're sitting on the cold floor of the monastery. There's no one around right now. What the f?

Am I a little boy or am I an adult man? You're Pip. You're Pip Mandarin. Okay. What the fuck? You could have sworn that you were alone, but then you look over and now suddenly there's a monk, one of the monks, obviously, of this monastery specifically, sitting at one of the tables. Do I recognize him? No.

Am I dead? Not yet, he sets. Okay, that's been really clear things up. Grab a seat, please. Let's have a conversation. I sit down. Do you know who I am? No idea.

I'm a friend. I find that hard to believe. No, I swear I am. I really am. I find people who tell you that your friends aren't really your friends. I feel like if it's a friend, you know it's a friend. Well, let me be the exception to the rule. Okay.

Pip, I want to make a deal with you. Muriel left you for dead. Well, she didn't leave you for dead. I'm sorry. No, that would make sense. She just didn't have time. Right. Carl, and I can't believe you got killed by... Imagine getting murked by a guy named Carl.

That's embarrassing. I'm not so happy about it. With a K. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um... So... And you are again? I'm a friend.

And that's all I'm getting. I suppose. That's all you need to know. Right. Okay. Look, I've spoken with Hector. I'm not surprised. He laughs.

He laughs out loud. I've not surprised. I've spoken with Hector a few times now. Oh, a few times. Yeah. Hector and I, we go way back. I feel like I could have told you that. Yeah.

Uh-huh. Anyway, I want to make a deal with you. And I know you're reticent to make any deals with any entities. I understand that. Yeah. So I'm not going to ask for much because I'm not going to do much. I mean, he Maybe I don't know

I don't know if you give him an expression at that Yeah, I don't think so I think Pip's just looking down at the table Okay, well if you don't make an expression He doesn't he doesn't react I'm not going to give you much Because I'm not going to ask for much I am

Gonna say this one time Pitt Mandarin You get to live Okay That's it That's all I'm going to do for you And in exchange And in exchange You're going to a very special place soon

Uh huh That's where you're, he pauses. That's where Keening is. Right. When you get to that very special place, there's going to be a, you're going to find the cage, that I already know. And in the cage, there's going to be a fella. Right. Now, the fella isn't going to want to come out of the cage.

And so, you're going to convince him to get out of the cage for me. And you're going to say this. He leans in, Pip, and he whispers something into your ear. and you don't know what he said, but you know you could repeat it. Okay. Now, I promise, and if you want it could be a pinky promise, he says, leaning across the table.

They don't patronize me. You don't understand, Pit Mandarin. Promises for people like me, they mean something. Yeah. But yeah, I promise and I pinky promise that what I just told you is not going to affect you in any way that you will perceive,

to be adverse. And that's all I can promise you. I get up from the table and I go, even though I'm not really at the monastery, I look out the window at like the kind of like the snowy mountain kind of going down. Maybe I can see a little seaside town at the sort of base of it.

And I turn back to him and I say, you got to understand. Normally I would not accept a deal like this because I'm not stupid. I know. But just then, when the void became the monastery, I thought I'd gone to heaven.

And that terrified me. Because if this, I point to the monastery, is still kicking around spiritually, in here, I know where I'm destined. And it's not for me. So I go back over to the table and sit down. Look, no one could play. I mean, you know,

I suppose everybody gets one. I extend a hand. Hip Mandarin, I know you're not an idiot, because you're the smartest. thing anyone in Borovia can be. And that is... He leans forward, and he reaches out, grabs your hand and he shakes it.

You're a coward. You wake up on the stairwell. You're on one hit point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at you. How's it feel lectured from your big, tall, ivory tower? That's a terrible, actually. Looks like a two-story house.

now that I think about it. I like, just like stare to the middle distance. That's so embarrassing. That's so embarrassing that that happened. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. His guy, he had to show, you know, friend had to show Hector, like, you know, all the goodwill, like, being undone, the innocence dying.

One of the times he had to show, like, you know, your boyfriend is dying. Yeah. He didn't have to show you shit. Yeah, well, I cut out the middleman. I didn't have to cut the child. You're all some of this. Talk, talk, talk, talk. When push cubs did a fucking shove,

this motherfucker shuff would everyone else to be like, no, no, not me. I don't want to go to the Eternal Garden Party, dude. I got to sort out my spiritual soul before I kick on. Exactly. That's important. Yeah, that's what's important. Well, I want to go somewhere good.

Pippin Mandarin. Sorry, excuse me. A very bad thing just happened. Oh, no. kidding me. No way. That's crazy to hear, dude. I thought everything was going well. I don't know if such a monster exists.

What? What? What did you mean by that? What do you do when you wake up? You're on one hit point. You can hear Muriel casting a spell. And then there's an explosion downstairs. And you hear Muriel cry out in pain.

You can tell. No, actually, you don't really do, you don't really use magic. You don't know what just happened. Okay. I guess I'll head downstairs, but you get- Very cautiously. Yeah, I stand up, yeah. Okay.

Get shot in the back, probably. Why? He's still there. I thought, okay. No, no, no, no. All right, so hang on, hang on, hang on. Because I think we've had a misunderstanding again. So you hear an explosion downstairs and Muriel screaming in pain.

And you can tell us just at the very base of the stairs. And you know fucko's still upstairs. All right. Do, uh, have I stood, have I sat up? No, you haven't sat up. No one is aware that you're awake yet. Okay. Can I hear, uh, Carl?

I don't know. Well, I know his name's calm now. You know what? You can't just hear Carl. You see through like cracked eyes. You see Carl duck out again, fire his crossbow bolt down at Muriel and you hear her cry out and pain again. Okay. What do you want to do?

Well, that means he's got to reload. So I, at that point, it's your turn, yeah? Leap up from my position and maybe just try and barrel into him so that he drops the crossbow. You successfully slam into him. You see Carl look down in shock at you, but you died. Yeah, yeah, I thought so too. You slam underneath one of his elbows.

He in pain drops his leg, like crossbow, which you neatly catch in your hands. You can actually shoot at this turn. Oh, great, yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, I'll get two attacks. You point blank range, fire it into his chest. He takes, what is it? Well, 11 points of damage.

Nice. And I think that's him. Yeah. You shoot him in the guts? He collapses forwards. With his own weapon, good. Yeah, with his own weapon. Nice.

He's dead, Muriel. He's dead. Okay, I'm gonna need some help downstairs! Oh, okay, all right, yeah, yeah. Okay, God. Wow, that's crazy. Sorry, she got both ends of the... She did a crit failure.

Something really bad happened. Oh, she's fighting the dogs, of course. Well, I mean, you go hide advantage now. Yeah, that's true. You hear an explosion. That's great. Oh, okay. You hear an explosion and then Muriel bursts down at the bottom of the stairs.

You can see she's half where raven right now. Yeah. Looking up at you, she starts pointing upstairs. Go, go, go, go! She starts clambering up the stairs off you. You hear something bellowing downstairs. That's not a dog. That's not a dog.

What, dog? She says she starts pushing you. There was no dogs. I thought I heard dogs. I thought I heard dogs. Please, I just died. You get up to the top of the stairs. Oh, you're already at the top of the stairs.

But the time Muriel gets to the top of the stairs and she grabs and starts trying to drag you with her, you see, it slams into, slamming into walls. It is now at the bottom of the stairs. Some huge entity that looks like it's made out. It kind of vaguely resembles a dog, but you don't think you mistook. You think this is a new thing just now burst onto the scene. Yeah. It is a, it looks kind of like it's made out of hard wind.

That the fuck. Pip, you recognize what this is. Yeah. You have maybe, you haven't hunted this thing before. you've turned down the opportunity to hunt this thing before. It's a force elemental. Oh, okay. A force elemental is immune to nearly all types of damage.

Yeah, I was going to say. You don't think you can hurt this. Interesting. Now, on the top floor, what are we looking at? You know, a force elemental is only summoned by colossal fuck up on the part of a mage. Muriel must have fucked something up when she cast a spell. Okay, okay.

We all make mistakes. You are... All right, so, Joel's Amit, I want to do something with you. So, I are Lippy here. I want to play a game. Okay, I want to play a game. Oh, no, Adam's going sore mode. Hopefully, this sounds good.

Okay. So, yeah, Adam is showing me, co. This is the floor they're on, okay. Point to me the room that Lady Watcher is in. Okay, let's see. Oh, what would it be thematically? So what,

Hmm. Do you want to know which rooms her bedroom? Yeah, what are the rooms that are there without trying to give up too much way to I'll stick my fingers in my ears and not listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's, what room is this? That is the library.

Okay, so we have the library that's there, then we've got like... That's the master bedroom. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it would make most sense, right? last and there. Joel, thank you very much for not even considering

the top of the stairway. I would never. You would never. All right. So, Pip. The force elemental is dragging itself up the stairs.

All right, the two closest doors, there's a door immediately to your right and a door immediately to your left. But then, in this room, down south, there are two doors on that left wall and then there's one door on the right wall. And then there's a little landing which you can see leads to another doorway. There's so many doors. Okay. I still have some deform magic

arrows left. I could fire one of them. I could let Muriel search. Surely if it's all magic, a deform magic arrow might, but then if it's not... You're slowing yourself down and you're not gonna hurt it. No. No. And then I don't want to die again. You know, one deal is too many. Let's just pick a door. First one on the left. Muriel, looking at you very briefly, says, split up? Yeah. All right. Which door are you taking? I'll take the left. She can take the right. The immediate left? Yep. Okay. That's a set of double doors. Muriel bursts through the right door, you lose sight of her. You burst through the left door. Those double doors lead to, I believe a library.

This room is crawling with cats. Bookshelves hug the walls, but most of the shelves are bare. Other furnishings include a desk, a chair, a table, and a wine cabinet. The room has an irregular shape, and none of its angles seem quite right, as though the shifting of the house has set the whole place on edge. So this is an L-shaped room. You cannot see the entirety of the room, but you can see that a struggle has happened here. There are books knocked off shelves.

You move into the room as fast as you can. Odds or evens. Odds. Odds? It's following you. Fabulous. The elemental wraps one of its hands around those double doors and shatters them breaking them in. You keep moving just around that L part of the bend.

You immediately, by the reading desk, you can see she slumped up against it. Her several days old corpse now. It looks like they made a mess of her. Her tongue was also took long before she died. You think from the blood splatters, you think her tongue was took elsewhere in the house and then she retreated here for a lost stand. Okay, but hey, I found her.

Who has the gold dagger? I believe Muriel. But Muriel's also the one that has to do the stabbing, right? No, she doesn't. She has to defeat the banshee. Yeah, but anyone can stab. Anyone can kill it, yeah. Well, hey, what do we?

we're going to do? That's okay. Pep, what do you do? Now, Oh, this is a dead end, by the way. I figured, I assumed. Oh, yeah, it's a dead end. Okay. Are there any windows

in the library? Yep. Okay. And Dave, you wouldn't be kind enough to have them lead onto like a balcony? That's not up to me, buddy. The map says no. Okay, and we're on the second story. I imagine if I leapt out with one hit point, I would fall and down.

yet again. You wouldn't die. You'd go down to savings. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Muriel would not know where I was. And presumably I cannot communicate to her from... You could yell whether or not she hears you was another thing. Yeah, sure. Okay. Okay. Are there any... I mean, you know, it wouldn't do shit. I was like, maybe I could knock one of the shelves onto the elemental, but like... I don't think that's going to be a consideration.

Okay, can I, I presume I'd do this with disadvantage, but can I pick up the corpse of Lady Watcher smash out the window and then, instead of leaping out, climb up the side of the house? That would be with disadvantage, yes. Okay, that's fine. All right, you grab Lady Watcher. I'm either falling out and going into saving throws or I don't, so. You need to triple your proficiency. That might help. Okay.

Okay. No, it wouldn't. Never more. Wow. You do not have that as a skill, so it won't change anything. Okay. Are there any strength-based check rules? No.

Okay. You grab the corpse, smash the window. You start trying to climb out. As you slip out the window, Lady Watcher is a lot heavier than you imagine. Okay. God damn. Pip. Mm-hmm.

You can either. I'll give you one or three options. Okay. Let go of her and climb. You can fall with her, or you can stay exactly where you are with her. If I let go of her, does she stay in the library? No, she falls. She's outside.

You didn't realize however she was until you're carrying her and climbing. I let go of her and climb. All right, and she hits the ground? Yeah, that's fine. You climb up onto the roof. And then I'd like to go over the roof into the, to see. climb down the other side to go into the room murials in. Okay.

You start sprinting over the roof? Yeah. Hise or lows? Eyes. Yeah. Okay. Pff! The force elemental starts throwing limbs.

And I don't mean, it doesn't really have like a proper form. So it's like, boom, boom, boom. And it's arm, arm, arm, arm, arm, arm. Fuck. Arm, arm, arm. Like a porcupine, porcupine made out of arms as you sprint across the roof to get to the other side. Okay, so you're going to start climbing down the other side? Yeah, that's my plan.

This won't be a disadvantage. You look down the other side of the roof has no windows. There's a chimney. Oh, I'll go down the chimney then. Got Santa Claus here? Is it the second or possibly third time I've done this in this campaign? The Force Elemental is now, you can hear it roaring and trashing and thrashing around the house, but it has lost

track of you. Oh, thank God. So you climb into the chimney and you start climbing, you slide down the chimney and get stuck. Come on. Halfway down. Come on. Okay. Yep. Eyes or lows.

Eyes. Something grabs your feet.