D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #29 Pip Mandarin's Day Off

Episode Date: February 21, 2026

"... and once the great forges of dwarvkin burn no morethe frozen passages and snowkin will once more take Nottthis time Lemminkäinen will know no equal as his frostand these shall be known as the end of days.And on these days the children of Hus shall see the endthe end of all things but one:even at the end of time Lemminkäinen's wrath will remain."If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oi, lads, did you miss out on the Jaron's Outpost Kickstarter and wish you weren't such a big doofus? Well, fear not. Late pledges are now open and they'll be open for a little while, so just head to Kickstarter search for D&D for Nerds or Jaron's Outpost and slam that late pledge button. Though you see no water for miles around you, you are like me. Nonetheless, Maroon. We are castaways in this terrible bad dream somebody decided to name Barovia.

To switch up the metaphor, we are imprisoned, and the fog is the bars of our cell and our jailer, is Baron von Straar. As far as I can tell, there's no way to escape other than possibly by die. Maybe by being eaten by a wolf, let's say. The two of you begin pushing farther limik end over end into the cage and close it. Head south. Yeah. And remember, do not. Pip mandarin.

Yes. A sled pulled by dogs appears out of the snow. There is a small town not far from here. Come. I will take you. How far away is the town? But an hour. I get into the sled, but just to be warm.

Sure, sure. Yeah, of course. Is there like a blanket in the slope? Yeah. Oh, you're getting comfy, are you? You may as well, rug off. We must get it. back to a village. Lemon Canaan is mad today. I wonder why. I bring it out, my hand out

holding the whiskey from under the blanket. You do matter if I... You must be frozen through, my friend. Drink. Drink to your heart's content. Okay. It doesn't, it turns out to not be whiskey but meed. Sweet. Honeyed mead. Oh my God. You don't know how long it's been. Are there baths at this town? Or hot water. You could take a hot bath, yes. Well, I might.

I start screwing in the top of the meat and put it back. I might. You are taken to... I might just do that. You were taken to a quite small fishing village called North, simply. There's in, funnily enough, there's a tab... North is population like 20. But there is a tavern here because of its proximity to summer's pass,

sometimes some types of fishing vessels will stop here. And so there is enough business that a tavern, it really only does business in the summertime, but because it does some business, there is space. As we pull up in the town, I'd like to, I'm so sorry, just didn't know the commercial, I didn't get your name. My name? My name is Olaf. I reach into my components pouch and pull out.

I believe I have a sapphire still. Yeah? Now, I may need passage back into the north for various reasons, but I can, if you're not going anywhere, I just need to nip in for an hour, say, into town. Warm up, have a bath, and then I really, I have an appointment of sorts, and I can pay if you're sticking around

to take me back to where you pick me up I know it's an odd request I understand that the gemstone this conversation by the way is happening over a howling wind

you're standing outside the tavern maybe you see a sign that says south of somewhere and you yeah you're having this conversation over howling wind the Olaf opens the door

to the tavern and you are immediately bathed in warmth and as he does that He says, I understand that the gemstone is worth a lot, but out here it is not worth much. Of course. Do you have anything else in addition? Let me look. In addition.

There is, unfortunately, no one who can take you back to where I found you. Sure. Sure, there isn't. Okay. You step into the tavern. There's like one other person in the tavern other than the bartender themselves. who seems quite surprised to see someone in the winter. Okay.

Do I have anything else? Do you have any other gems? Yeah. He's just, you just rolled really poorly. Oh, okay. He's routing me. Yeah, he's gouging you. He knows you have no other option.

I, because I think if I reveal how many gems I have, he might slip my throat. So I carefully open up my satchel and pull out a second sapphire. I know that gems are not quite. This will be enough, I suppose. Thank you very much. He accepts the two sapphires. I hand them over. Okay, again, I like look around the warm tavern.

Can I smell food at all? The building rattles under the wind. The bartender looks up at the rattling walls and says, it is unseasonably windy. Yes, I have noticed that too. I'm crazy. I go over to the. Bar can, though?

Yeah. Another mead or a mead, I mean. And the hot meal, you look like you could use one. I was just about to ask. I could do with a hot meal. And I don't know if this is. Olaf was saying something about a bar. I can run the bath.

You look half frozen, my friend. You look like you could use one. Yes. A bath and perhaps a soft place to lie down. I don't. I have rooms for rent. Sona, if you will. Well, I mean, I suppose...

A bath, a hot meal, will put... You look like you could use it to the drink for free. Thank you. But the rest will run you up two gold for the night. I must pay. I'll reach it and put another sapphire. He accepts that as pain. That's all I have, unfortunately.

It's fine. I can, you know, maybe it's crazy to only get a room for an hour, but, you know, for the soft base. An hour. I have an appointment. I need to be back. My friend, an appointment where? It's a long story.

It's a long story. Maybe I'll tell it to you. Where's that drink? He pours you the drink. Yeah. And he, yeah, he pulls you the drink. And you get the distinct impression that the bartender is now genuinely concerned for your safety. You said you had an appointment out in the snow.

He thinks you're crazy. Yeah. I, for the first time in four plus years, relax my spine, let my shoulders drop. Olaf leaves, he has other work to do. You and this old codger, oh, and the bartender, obviously. But you and this old codger just sit in silence. The old codger doesn't want to talk to you. That's okay.

I'm happy not talking. The bartender brings you, like he pours you the meat, he brings you some hot stew. Oh, is it? And it's not like, you know, awful. It's not like off and bleeding still. Has that Barovian sheen that we're so used to. It's a delicious, rich, hearty, hot stew. Vegetables?

Vegetables are plenty. Celery, potato. And like meat? Yeah, meat. Like meat eating as well. Like, melt in your mouth. Like, it falls apart. It's almost as liquid as the stew it's in.

I don't know if, is there any bread going or? He probably gives you bread as part. Oh. Oh. Butter. Butter would also be part of it. The bread comes pre-buttered. The butter is soaked and melted into the bread.

You're getting like meed made from like the honey that isn't blue. Leading. Yeah. Isn't further poison? He puts a little bowl, like a very small bowl, of spice next to you that is intended to be mixed into the stew. Spices. Oh my God. Spice? I imagine, like, you know, kind of a little bit of spice, I sprinkle on top, and then I taste it, and it's just so unlike anything I've had in such a long time that I just dump the whole thing in. The spice appears to be some sort of paprika garlic blend. I have as much stew as this man will give me, Adam. Well, you're very full then.

And I guess I have quite a few meads as well. After he, well, yeah, you can have as much meat. For a sapphire, you can have as much meat as you want. After you've had quite a few drinks and you are full to bursting of stew, the bartender comes back and lets you down into the basement where you step into like a warm sauna spa area. Oh, and there's maybe room for two.

How cute is his butt? Yeah. Okay. We're doing this game, are we? You piece of shit. Oh my God. Yeah. He's gorgeous.

Oh, fuck, no. That's so bad. I don't know. Why couldn't he have been hideous? Why could you have been not at all my type? He's my type, right? He's like, honestly, oh, this is so bad. Like a modern-day Fabio.

Oh, fuck, dude. How much of a piece of shit is Pip Mandarin? How much progress is he going to destroy? At first I was like, oh, Pip Mandarin's going to stay here for an hour. Are you going to stay the night and get your end away? Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, just a little flirt. I don't know if he's a little.

gonna get his end away, but... Maybe a little kiss in a sauna? Nothing wrong with a kiss in a sauna? The... The... Hise old hoes. Hives. Pips a weak man.

Hyes, you said? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah, you're in. Oh, fuck. You're chatting with him. He... You have a little... Not a little, sorry.

You have a huge conversation before you're in the sauna section, Before you're even in the water, you have this huge conversation with him, the bartender realized, like, his clothes are beginning to get soaked. Yeah. You might as well. You're right. You're right.

And then the ice gets on them. He, since his clothes are soaked, he goes outside, undresses, and comes back in. Oh, fuck. And, like, you know, Pip, he's a hard adventure. He's probably got some real sore shoulders that, here I. Oh, fuck, dude. I don't know Okay, well

I'm not making the move Do you know how to work the spa? This probably relates back to an earlier part The like kind of very flirty conversation that you had This feels like a proposition I like I like look down at my hands My callous

Blistered hands I like feel like my chest, my shoulders. Because I assume I'm undressed as well. Yeah. I look down at the like countless wounds that cover my body. Countless innumerable wounds. I feel the ache of, you know, walking from one end of brovia to the other and then back time and time and time again. And as the steam hits my skin, I watch.

as grime that is accumulated after four plus years of no showers, of no bars, of not an iota of comfort. And I look up at him, I'm unacquainted. Perhaps you could show me. Hector, now that you're done with the signing of the contract, you maybe actually Strad, your kind of like awareness returns to yourself. And Strad is asleep, lying in his business. bed before you. Rahaddin standing next to you with a hand gently on your shoulder.

Oh. He gestures for you to exit. Right. I was like, so I can see a little bit further, I've been imbued with like a fraction. A tiny sliver. Tiny sliver. What does that mean? What, how can I, how, when Hector, I guess, pushes against this, or like not pushes against it, but flexes it.

What am I feeling seen doing? Like, do I, am I seeing more of the land? Am I, do I know where that last, say, stone is? The last node? That last node is. Like, what's my connection here? You feel, if you stretch out and feel, the first thing you notice is Raha Dinn, being a bit more insistent now of pushing you outside of Strad's room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as you leave, and maybe you go back to your room, and then you experimentally test. Can I, would I, uh, would I, Gretchen's asleep. Maybe I kind of go, is there like, can I go onto the roof? Yeah, you can go up to the roof. There's four towers as part of Castle Ravenloft, and each one of them is topped with a, like, a viewing space. I kind of, either ask a guard or, or probably not Rahad, because he's shooting me away. So, if you ask, someone will lead you.

there. Yeah, I just want to have a look at the land. Someone either Rahadin or a member of staff just leads you there. Okay. And yeah, I want to take in Borovia, the mists of like into the, you know, surrounding us. And yeah, I want to flex that power. You feel an awareness of the lands. So closing your eyes, you can hear in your ears, you can hear just at first your heartbeat,

but then you realize there's a second gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, heartbeat alongside yours. It feels like, you know, when you feel someone's pulse, you know the feeling of someone's pulse. You get that sensation through your feet. Castle Ravenloft itself feels like a pulsating heart beneath you, and you can hear the beating of it. Okay.

Stretching yourself out. you are most intimately aware of the tear within Borovia connecting itself to Canor, to specifically Blue Beach. You have an awareness of the, now that you're, you know, taking some time, or now that it's been, I should say, some time since you signed the contract, you can see that the Candonies have been industrious. The soldiers are basically all through at this point, and you can see on the Borovian side, they have already set up a makeshift camp.

You can see they have intention to make the camp more permanent as well. There are tents set up, but you can see evidence of more permanent structures being built. Interesting. Fortifications, like palisades and such like that. Just the rudimentary early building blocks. It's not a fort yet, but you are actually a little shocked at how quickly they have operated. Yeah, like, I don't think, like, have I even given the contract back to these guys? I don't think you've had a change. Yeah, the thing just, so portal opened and then just in.

Yeah. All righty. Okay. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I am thinking this is a good thing. It feels a little bit like watching ants. Okay. The perspective you get is not literally above them.

You're not literally looking down at them. It's as if the portal, the tear in fabric, is an extra eye that you have. but the sensation feels similar. They feel small and distant, even though you are at level with them. You can see into Blue Beach as well, as I described before. It would be very much like a, like a, not medieval. It would be like an industrial era London. Big, huge buildings, much bigger than you're used to from buildings,

a lot more stone structures rather than wooden. Blue Beach, which once used to be a beautiful and vibrant city, you can still see part of that in the center of town. It still looks very colorful and bright. But the edges of town now, first of all, have expanded incredibly so. Blue Beach used to be a city that you could walk across in a day. Now you don't think that's possible. And the edges of Blue Beach are now blackened with soot and quite disgusting almost. You can see filth, almost like pillars of smoke,

filth coming off the city now. Okay. Are the edges of the city very reminiscent to say the edges of Borovia? Shrouted in mist, but this is just smog. A little bit, yeah, I see what you're saying now. At first I was like, what? Yes. In a manner of speaking, yes, it is kind of like that. Then you, maybe your curiosity with Candle wanes a little bit,

and you turn back to what you can see in Borovia. Yeah. I guess I'm looking for a couple of things in Borovia. One would be, I understand, like, well, where is part of it? Is that like, well, where is that last, you know, Pyrrion was like, if you could find out where that last node would be, that would be great. But also I'm thinking, like, well, I know where, you know, Bortcher is going to invade roughly from. I want to try and, like, if I can see if there's any, like, remnants, like, how soon do we have? Yeah.

I guess the castle grounds to see like I don't even know the force that say Strad has built up I'm trying to either through my own eyes gather this

or like after this I'll probably have to ask somebody but yeah that's the kind of like I guess those are the the key things that I'm looking for and I and then also I guess yeah

my party the Did you need to formally? No. I heard the beginning of that. I heard of the beginning of that. No, I, no. That's very funny.

Yeah. Hector, the first moment of trying to do that is overwhelming for you as a deluge. Deluge of deluge? Deluge. Deluge? Deluge. Deluge? Deluge.

Yeah, like a deluge. Deluge, yeah, like a lot. Yeah, deluge. Deluge. Hector, it's overwhelming. As a deluge of information buffets your mind. It's a million images all at once. You ever seen, like, the people be like,

oh, this is how a fly sees the world. It's that except there's no clear delineation from when one piece of information becomes the next piece of information. It feels like you see all of Borovia for a brief instant all at once. You see, smell, feel, you experience the entirety of this land at once, and you realize that's too much information at once. So you start narrowing your scope to what is capable for a human mind. And you start, you focus in on what you just said, the small things.

First off, you start with Castle Ravenloft. And you realize that it is. is difficult for you to get a proper impression of troops or soldiers under Strzade's command right now because the castle is a bit too large a space. So you basically through your eye, you run through the castle as quickly as you are capable and try to count heads, basically. Oh, wow. It would be, you would guess it would be maybe 300, 400 head total.

Okay. of soldiers. Then you search, what was the second thing on your list? It was Borchre, right? Their intrusion in the north? It would be, yeah, I guess the, yeah, Borgia to see if there's any kind of more, that rift is even bigger,

or if there's actually, they're already here, or hopefully not. It doesn't feel like a, it doesn't feel like there's a hole in between Borovia and Bortia. You get the impression of more like it feels like two balloons. Well, once again, I guess you wouldn't call them balloons. But it feels like two bubbles pressed against each other, each fighting to be in the same place.

And you can feel, it feels sick, it feels gross and disgusting, it upsets you to your core. It's as if it's not happening to Borovia. It's as if it's happening to you. You can feel Bortchor penetrating, pushing deep into Borovia. You can see where the lines clearly are supposed to be. You can see Mount Baratuck to the north, its peak marks roughly the line, and you can see that Borchia has pushed its way basically down to the bottom of the mountain. You can see Lake Zaravich, the lake north of Valakai, is currently threatened to be enveloped

and become part of Borchre, which feels, you could have imagined it would feel very upsetting as you move your mind to the next thing, which is the load stuff. There are four lodestones in Borovia. Three of them feel like black dead things to you. Okay. They're like limbs on a tree which have been cut off and have begun withering and dying. Okay. Do I think that they have been not cleansed but destroyed?

To you in this moment it doesn't feel cleansed. Yeah, it feels destroyed. Okay. It's disconnected from you. Okay. And one of those ones would be the one... It is... And one of those ones would be on, like, near Couturey, right?

Yes. And that feels like it's cut off, disconnected. So, okay. So I guess I know that Tarpos cleanse that one. And yet I'm like, oh, it's dead. Interesting. Okay. Okay.

So Mount Gakas, the one upon Mount Gakas, that one... And sorry, the one out to the west, where the Druids Grove is. Okay. Those ones, they're all blackened and dead to you. Those ones, though, feel like it's been wiped clean and the place rebirth could happen. But there's one you can feel, since in Lake Zaravich, that one doesn't feel like it's been wiped clean and new growth could sprout. Okay. That one feels like the earth has been salted.

It hurts and stings to look and perceive that one. That's different. Okay. So two to Tarpos, one to Eleni. I'm understanding the figures. Then you cast your gaze closer to Castle Ravenloft, and you were almost blinded by the last lodestone. It is still connected to you, and you still feel its presence. It's like a little sun, emanating energy outwards.

It feels like, for a brief moment, it feels like you are standing in pure, unadulterated sunlight. For the first time, this is coming to Borovia, Hector. You feel invigorated. Hector, you gain the benefit of a long rest. Whoa. God damn. It's very funny because I'm like, nothing changes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

True. I think you had some hit point loss, maybe. Yeah. No. No? No? Okay. Okay.

All righty. Okay. And I know where that lasts. Yes. So, you can't see, you can't look directly at it, but if you avoid looking at it, you see, a very decrepit looking town. There's no people wandering through this place.

It's a cold and dead place. It feels for a brief moment like you're actually there. You're standing there looking around experiencing this place. The town has long since been partially flooded by the swamps around it. You see, you can feel the warmth of the lodestone at your back, but you get the impression that this is actually a very dark and dreary and awful place. Is it, it's not like the sort of like the town we've came across where there was like the first undead. No.

What do you mean by it's not like that? What do you mean? As in like that's not that place. No, it's not that place. Okay. Do I know like vaguely landmarks where this could be? Like if I was to tell Pyrrera and then tell, you know, say Tarpos where this is, where would that? Could I help there?

You can see. Well, it's roughly north this or east of that. You can see that there's a road that leads here. Okay. You can see the road goes north and you are, you get a vague awareness. You like spread or you don't spread, but you move quickly down that road. You project yourself down that road. And you realize how it connects to the rest of Verovia at large.

There's a road, a main road that connects Barovia, the village of Borovia, to Valachi, to Kresik and you know where it connects to that road. It's in between Valakai and the village of Barovia. There's a turnoff that leads this way. Okay, cool. You know, are you, you're not sure if you could brave

the forests to get here, but you certainly know that there, you know where the road to, that leads here turns off. Okay, so I could tell that information to Ta-POS and then deal with that. Okay, that's good to know. While standing in this sunken village, you Well, you're not standing in the sunken village, but you feel like if you were standing in the sunken village, something long, spidery hands on one shoulder, and then your other shoulder, and then a voice in your ear, you're not fucking him.

And then you snap, your awareness springs back into yourself, you are no longer the land. Ector? What the hell was that? You don't feel like you've been cut off from Borovia, but it feels like you got slingshotted back into yourself. Right. Who was that? You can continue to try and farcey if you want,

but you don't, that place does not feel available to you right now. Interesting. Okay. That is something else. Okay. All right. All right.

That is, I close my eyes, try to, again, flex. this newfound power to try and find, I guess, Pipp and I guess the rest of that party, although Pyrrion did say he was missing.

I guess, yeah, try and find the rest of the party and try and even find Tarpos and I guess this Gorob and Lushin see where they might potentially be at, just to kind of get a sit rep, really. You reach out searching for your allies. It's difficult to find them because you're not, it's not like you're following a trail,

you're kind of just looking in places where you expect to find them. Yeah. And some places feel clearer than others. As you approach some of the cities, your awareness dims until actually the city limits of most of these places are become kind of like blind spots to you. You're not sure what's causing it, but they're like muddied and hazy and difficult to see.

You feel like you're standing in Valakai or Krezik or Borovia or Kuturi, but it feels like there's such a heavy mist. You can't see your hand in front of your face. And every voice sounds like it's talking not on the other side of a wall, but on the other side of a house. It's very difficult to make out a lot of things in villages. Okay. But you search as well as you can.

And then as you start, you know, you're searching for maybe cribbit or Keening or Iona. and then you decide that you'll search for Tarpos. And Tarpos immediately reaches out and contacts you. Whoa. You feel through Borovia, her reaching out to you as well. It feels like when you spoke through the trees. Tapos. Hector.

Yeah, I'm glad to see that you are okay. Are we seeing each other? It feels like you're standing in just a forest somewhere. Well, not somewhere. It's obviously Barovia, but it feels like you're just standing in the forest together talking to each other. Glad you are okay. I hear you are now the arch druid. She nods. This is great news. Are you having trouble finding the last lodestone?

Not hard to find, but difficult to travel. Right. Well, I know where it is, and there is something there that seems to be protecting it or. something kind of evil. Have heard of this. And maybe you have a brief moment where you're like, wish you'd mention that. It would be nice to know, tall boss. Woman, spider hands.

Paul, hook nose. I just saw the hands. Strad's mum. I just don't say anything and I go, yeah, yes. Big skull? I didn't really get to look. I just felt the hands.

she's there, I guess. So I tell her the dead town, the roads, all that kind of stuff. That is where it is the other Lordstone, the one in the lake, I believe that has been, and I make the gesture of like cut off. Tarpos swears. She utters an oath. No, she doesn't swear, yeah, she utters a curse in Elaniel's name. I'm sorry that has happened.

My spiders crawl from her eyes. May they just. Are you far from this place? Do you think you can take on Stroud's mom? Take some time maybe. Could do. You are closer. Yes.

You're connected to the land now, I'm assuming as an archdued. Always connected. Do you feel a great disturbance from the north? Connection. is complicated. What you mean? Do you know of the other realms, the other dark places?

She shakes her head, dark places? Yeah, remember talking to Tapos? I remember. The other, the neighboring, I guess, countries, for lack of a better word. Tapos waves a hand, I cannot. Right, they're invading Borovia. Okay. They're on the edge of the...

Lake Zarevich, I think they plan on doing a full-scale invasion to invade the land and take it for themselves. Tapos nods slowly as you speak and you get the distinct impression that she doesn't under, she's not understanding that you are saying this is a problem. She's nodding as if you're just telling her news. Okay. So that's, I kind of, I guess I'm wearing maybe a cloak or a roke or roo- rope or whatever, but I'm like, the person who is in charge of that is, she does experiments

and she did, I kind of as like, did this to me. She wants to experiment with life and make unholy things, unnatural things. She, Tarpos takes a step forward, puts a hand gently on your chest, and she traces, not in like an intimate way. She, she, traces a line between stitched into your flesh now between two parts of you and then after tracing it looks up at you and says you don't like it's not that i don't like she's going to do that to a lot of people it's what do you mean now i don't understand what she's saying um it's of course no one wants to be experimented on tapas. You want

to fight? Yes, we need to form a resistance. She will take over this land of yours. I understand that everything is... She come here, she can't take land.

But she wants to. Tapos shrugs. How can she not take the land? Someone must be in Castle Ravenloft. What if she is in Castle Ravenloft. Someone must be in Castle Ravenloft. Maybe Strad, maybe her, maybe you.

I will talk to them. Or you. Right. If you want to help stop, you have helped me. I will help you. That is great. Yes. I would like help in stopping this person. Druid's strong, she says. can fight. Great.

There's people from my home in the future. They are coming here to help as well. How many... She looks past you. Where? Just outside... Explain where that will be. Just outside the Castle Revenloft.

That's where they're building an encampment. Big hole, I see now. She looks. past you as if she's seeing the camp. And then she, a look of horror and revulsion crosses her face. Tarpos takes a couple steps back, steadies herself against a tree, once again, as if you were actually standing there. And she says, no,

what? Tarpos looks at you. What have you done? What has happened? No, no, no, she severs the connection. You're in, you get slingshotted back into your body again. What is happening? Cannot rely on the druids, maybe. Damn. Yeah.

All right. I look out at Boroughville, at just all the different lands that are there. Can I see that encampment? That is like the big, the whole, like the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the Candaeys just sort of coming through. You cast back over to it. It, maybe, for a brief moment, from top of. his reaction. You're like trying to make a judgment call on what this feels like. And it doesn't

feel, it feels completely neutral to you. It doesn't feel good, doesn't feel bad. And you watch the, they're in the, you're not sure if you, if you, you're not sure if your awareness was, like, if there's something about this that's fucking with your awareness of time. But it, once again, they are fucking industrious, dude. The walls are mostly intact. That rules. Again, I only see this is a good thing. I'm like, damn, that is good. We might actually stop, yeah, torture and...

Because that is horrible. Tarpos does not seem to that this is a problem, but that's also worrying. She's too passive. Yeah. But it's because it's the continuity of land and soul. She doesn't care. What I'm scared for is looking out at that gap

and then watching his like several Cantonese soldiers do some weird bracing thing to brace the portal in? Well, it's funny you should say that because... Uh-oh. Hector, it's not that exactly. But Hector, you see as they, Kenanese soldiers,

they're carrying these huge... You don't know the words for this, but so that Zammett and Jackson and the listener understand huge spools of wire. And by huge, I mean... like taller than a person, it takes several people to lift them and then wheel them from Candor

into Borovia, cables so thick that like fish could be swimming through them. These are thick-ass cables. You don't know what these are, but they're wheeling them into the encampment through the hole that has been made. Okay. Well, that's kind of cool.

I guess it's just meaningless stuff to you. Well, yeah. Some kind of weapon or some shit. Maybe. And again, this is all just like, well, they're the good guys, they are us, like we are part of Kandor. This is like, well, this is good. They seem like they're going to hopefully stop this invasion. Hector?

Yes. You feel like suddenly it feels like a tiny little, not a tiny little, it feels like a dagger has been stabbed into your chest. Not a particularly big dagger, a what you might call a quote unquote child's dad. dagger. Okay. It feels cold and icy. You, once again, it's as if this is happening to your body, but this is not actually happening to your body.

You look and you see, mentally, you are imagining, this dagger has been stabbed into your chest by an old, crooked looking man in a hooded robe who, you, something about him just screams that he would be cold to the touch. And then you are aware that a hole has been forcibly by another entity torn in Borovia, and you feel as Pip Mandarin reenters Borovia. Pip Mandarin, you're night abroad. Is it the next morning? It's the next morning.

You're lying in bed with Snowvin, is his name, the bartender who you slept with. Is he asleep? He's asleep still. the wind is howling and rattling at the doors. Is there like a little desk in this room that I can go to? I'd like to go to the desk and just start get like one of my bolts out, place it on the desk and start kind of playing with it like, you know, sort of like arrowhead down, moving it with my finger,

kind of waiting for Snowvin to wake up. If he doesn't, you know, in like the next 10 minutes, I'll go downstairs and like make a coffee. Snowvin does not wake up in the next 10 minutes. I wonder downstairs. And I'm, the whole time, like, kind of scratching my, well, probably actually the whole time I'm rubbing my snout with my two hands. I go make a coffee. You head downstairs and someone is in the bar.

It's like early morning, yeah? Yeah, it's early morning. You can tell immediately that there are Dragonborn. They're sitting at the bar as if they're waiting for service. I'm afraid, bartenders asleep. I could fix you something. The Dragon Born pushes back. he's wearing a cloak and hood.

He pushes the hood back a bit so you can get a better look at him. Also, so that he can get a better look at you. He's a resplendent blue dragon born. And looking at you, he says, yeah, so if I could get a coffee, that'd be a delight. I was just about to make myself one. Thank you. It's terrible weather outside. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

Are you here coming to or from Reachcliffe or perhaps parts unknown? Parts unknown is probably more accurate. sugar? No, I'm sweet enough already, thanks. Okay. I make him a coffee. I'll place it down in front of him, and then I kind of just like,

look out the window. Can I even see anything, or is it just completely white? No, it's blizzard white, yeah. I'm late. Yes, so am I. The port's been frozen over. Yeah. Not much of a port, I suppose.

It's more of a jetty, but boats aren't coming or going right now. I'm afraid my destination, my appointment, It's sort of inland. Right. Fairly inland. Yeah. There's nothing there but snow and ice, my friend. You're heading to the North Pole?

Something like that. And I don't want to, but I don't know if I have much of it. Can I tell you a joke? Please. It's a very bad joke, but it's been rummaging around my mind. There's a man at war, and he finds himself at a brothel. And he goes into the brothel, and he says, they've got many beautiful women available to him.

And there's a kitchen attached as well. And they say, what would you like? You know, you've got your pick. And he says to them, I want your homeliest woman. Give me a real dog. And they say, well, we can cook you a meal as well. And he says, yeah, make me bacon and eggs, but burn the eggs and soak the bacon and grease. So, you know, almost inedible.

And the madam who's running the brothel, she says, well, I don't know. understand. You know, we have many beautiful women and excellent cooks. And he says, oh, I'm, I'm not horny. I'm not hungry. I'm homesick. I don't know when the bartender's going to be awake, but I'm sure he can take care of you. I have somewhere I need to be, alas. I move past him to the door and go to open it and leave. unless he stops me at all. He doesn't stop you. You didn't give him coffee, though, did you?

No, I did. I made one for me and one for him. He thanks you for the coffee and quietly drinks it as you leave. As I'm leaving, I'm like, enjoy it. Then I'll step outside. You push the door open. It feels like the door was, if you hadn't have opened to the door, you feel like it might have buckled under the weight of how much snow is being thrown

against it. As soon as you open the door, the blizzard stops dead. I know. I know. I'm weak. I'm weak, but I'm doing it. I look around for Olaf. Olaf?

You see him trudging towards you? How fortuitous! The snow has just stopped. Yes. I'm sure whatever was grieving Lemon Canaan, you know, has led up. And he's more agreeable. Are you still able to take me back to where you found me? Of course.

already paid him, right? Yeah, yeah. I paid him a staff. Of course. Please, I will get my dogs. Okay, thank you. Um, you know, they say there is, uh, uh, theories among the clergy that snow is lemon canaan's way of punishing us. Though for what, he never says. And then Olaf gives a big laugh and goes and fetches the dogs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I sit on the step of the tavern and wait for him to return He returns pretty quickly with the sled and dogs You hop into the sled

And he The two of you with the dogs obviously head off towards where he found you It's funny I say to him as we're writing from this You know the gods come up with all of these punishments All these ways to punish us But I think we're pretty good at doing it to ourselves You know If Olaf has something clever to respond

respond with, he does not say it. By the way, you have experienced a long rest. Hey, yes. Oh my God, is my health back to ball? Yeah, you're completely fine now. I've got to lose it in the first five. No doubt, but oh my God. Your maximum hit points go from 39 to

86. Oh, my. How have I survived this long? By pulling a Hector and making stupid deals, that's how I've survived this long. Well, you've survived, haven't you? Are they that stupid? Yeah. The man takes you back to where he found you,

and then he slows down and steps off, but he looks at you very quizzically. Is someone here to greet you? I hope not. This area, I don't know. I don't know if this is somewhere you pass through frequently, but maybe like put up a sign or something. Something that says, don't go beyond this point.

Well, we are close to some. Summer's Pass, you know. People just know not to walk. Summer's Pass is how you get to Lemon Gain's realm. And... The man, just now, makes the connection. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. But I made up for it. Well, I'm trying to. You had better go. Yeah. Thank you very much. You go. Okay.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. You stumble off the sled and Olaf gestures north so you know which way to go. And then immediately he hops all like humor and like joy that he had is gone with a terrified expression.

He hops on the sled. Ah! And then he and the dogs disappear. You're an idiot, Pip. As I take a step into the snowbank. You don't step into the snowbank. You step back into Borovia. You're perhaps the dumbest man alive.

You are standing in Valakai, at the front of what was once the Berger Master's mansion. You can see the destruction that has been wrought through Valakai as Father Lemmich dragged his way across the town. Valakai is fucked. I cannot explain to you how fucking wrecked this place is. But you can see very clear evidence of people for some fucking reason trying to rebuild. God damn it.

This city is going to be made out of, I mean, like, the destroyed tree ant. Yeah. What was it called? Tree blight. That's from Lord of the Rings. The destroyed tree blight and the fucking cultist bones or whatever. Pip, you clock immediately that the amount of reconstruction that has happened is not correct for one day's disappearance.

I was afraid of that. It looks like it's been a little while. I look down at my body now. Yeah. How clean am I? I had a bath. Yeah, you had a bath and a shower. You're pretty clean right now.

That's bad, Adam. It's bad to be clean. You look down at your body, you look up, and you can see sitting cross-legged out the front of the Berger Master's mansion is tiny. When Tiny locks eyes with you, it stands up. Tiny?

It does not respond. I know it's a bug, but does it seem pissed with me? It doesn't have... You can see that from the fight from yesterday, you can see there's that huge crack down the front of its head, but you can see that this thing is incapable of making expressions. Yeah. Its entire face is solid.

Yeah, okay. There's no, you cannot tell, if it's mad or happy to see you. What happened after I left? It gestures down the street. All right. Thank you, Taney. I turn and start walking down the street. It walks after you.

Okay. Okay. I think it, I think as you pass people, you see, there's a lot, like I said, there's a lot of construction happening. People working on the construction stop and gawk at you as you pass. Is it good or bad gorking? Surely. It never feels good when this sort of stuff happens.

But Pip, you get the impression that people, you don't think it's good or bad. You think people are just very shocked and surprised to see you. You think maybe at this point, no one who's spotted you has made the connection. that you're very clean. Okay. And so people are just broadly know who you are. And are like, he's come back. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. And remember, like, they don't know that, like, for all they know, it's like, that's just how magic works. Exactly. It just takes a bit of time. Exactly. Ah!

Ah! You see sitting on the top of a building a raven. Now, ravens have famously bad eyesight. Ha! Muriel, I say. It takes flight towards... It takes flight westward, which you know is the direction of the blue water in. Okay.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Okay. Which is also the direction the tiny was gesturing. You now clock. I bring up my hands to my snout, and I start rubbing furrows. I start rubbing enough to make fire, and I walk, I march toward the blue water in.