D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #36 The Monty Hall Problem

Episode Date: April 11, 2026

This one wants that one to have big think of three delicious eggs for this one to eat and this one only wants the most delicious egg, even though this one would be very happy with all three delicious eggs, but for sake of good story, only one egg is best egg. Other eggs only pretty good egg, but still egg, and that’s good. If that one choose one egg it only one third of being most delicious egg. If this one eat one of the other egg and I say ‘it delicious but could be more delicious’, you best pick the other remaining egg for this one as is has two thirds chance of being the most delicious and the egg that one pick from before still only has one third for being delicious. This not always work, but eating egg is good and that is good. It is new concept I am calling “probability”.If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oi, lads, did you miss out on the Jaron's Outpost Kickstarter and wish you weren't such a big doofus? Well, fear not. Late pledges are now open and they'll be open for a little while, so just head to Kickstarter search for D&D for Nerds or Jaron's Outpost and slam that late pledge button. Let this one tell that one a tale. The story of great heroes marooned without a sea, stranded in a place of night. nightmares called Barovia, the antagonist, a creature known as Strad von Zarovich.

As all great epics, someone must die. Either Strad or our heroes. Stepping out of the darkness, one of his hands whips out and grabs the spear, turns it aside. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I maybe am a little bit out of my depth here. You can wake up, Gretchen, or you can get a... to the stairs. Those are your option. Sheep.

Sheep. A spider, the size of a horse-drawn carriage, turns to look at you and then says, Hungry! Between two flat hands, Kazimir squashes a spider

in the temple. I don't know if you should have done that. I mean, it's... Do you get spiders in your tent? temple, Thastriel? Surely Thastriel cannot be the god of all the dumb animals, too. Oh, okay. I guess I don't know how your religion works.

Dastriel looks over at Casimir. With, like, she doesn't say, well, actually I guess you don't know if she says anything. Yeah, she's a horse. Yeah, she looks in with like, you know, like the expression of a horse. D daunting. There's a combination of Thastriol didn't care about that spider.

Yeah. But that's probably a... inappropriate thing to say. Yeah, exactly. Is it like quite late at this point? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Have we reached any kind of consensus?

Well, it feels like Candor and the Ironwood is the place to go. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I feel like we've been over you know, all these other locations, you know, a hundred times now. It really feels like the Ironwood

is the best place. for you. He nods. Then that is perhaps where we will be. I understand there is another meeting to happen. Yeah, I, well, I don't know for watch, but I might be too late

for that meeting, I don't know. But yes, I've got to figure out what the hell's happening to Velikai. God. Never really thought I'd be real politicking, but here I am, I guess. I stand up. If you'd at least get some rest,

for we maybe we'll have that meeting in the morning. Well, oh, I would say as part of this conversation as well, Thastriel explained to Elaniel and to Casimir that, well, Casimir, you actually, you get the impression that Casimir, Casimir respects Thastriel and believes Thastriel to be like a guardian of their people. Yeah. But he sees it as, like, Elaniel is treating Thastriel like she's an angel. Yes, yeah, yeah.

Like, she's literally divine. Divine, yeah. Casimir seems to take a more pragmatic approach to things. He sees it as more of an interplay between his people and nature. Yeah, okay. And he, while he gives deference and respect to Thastriel, he doesn't worship her. He's treating her more like some king above him.

Cool, cool. Well, I understand for this meeting, Heening had sent word that we are to, be part of it. I would say, though, that I am too exhausted to discuss well into the night

ongoings, yes. So at the very least. Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even finish what I was going to say. I would say as part of this as well, Thastriel explained to Casimir and to Elaniel that these lands

there's nothing for them here. That she is leading them on to new lands and that the lodestones are not theirs to deal with. Yeah. And so, Elaniel...

Yeah, how's she taking that? She's a sour expression. Yeah, okay. The unicorn said it, not me. I don't say that, but that's what Pip's thinking. I think that, but then I go, there's a lot of psychic communicating going round,

so I squash the thought, just in case anyone you can read my mind. Casimir stands up, takes one last swig of nettle tea, and then setting the cup, which you would know, sets the cup upside down on the table. You know that for the Dusk Elves, that's like a

good luck gesture. He sets the cup upside down on the table and says, this is then I think where we will leave it. We will discuss more meetings tomorrow. I do the same with my cup, and then I pick up what I imagine is the tuck it out unconscious body of

Kribut. Like a little kid that had too much excitement. And I just like put him over my shoulder or whatever. Kribit kind of curls up into you a little bit. Oh my God, he's heavy. Yeah, we'll see you tomorrow. All right. I look at like Elaniel and Iona.

Will you be staying here or? A couple trips over themselves at first to start speaking, but then Elaniel says, we will stay with my people tonight. That sounds good. All right. I'll see you again. 10. 10 a.m. tomorrow, let's call it. All right. I step outside. You walk to the edge of town.

You can see Keening is standing. landing there. He looks a little hurried. I kind of readjust, cribbed my arms, and I hurry over to him. Muriel's back. Okay. I'm sorry that took so long. It just, you know, there's a lot of places in Ognot. They could have ended up and fell over to them. I could have tried to find it if I wanted to.

Just, I don't know, felt like it wanted my business to be there. But a couple pieces of pressing news. I would have tried to, had I thought you could do anything about it right now, I would have come straight away. Can I give him cribbit? He takes cribbit, yeah. His shoulders cribbit, and you can see Keening is, actually, no, you fucking work for a living.

Keeney's not that much stronger than you. No, no, no, but I'm fielding it in my back. Yeah. Keenning takes cribbit. He's a heavy little fucker. He don't think it, but he's heavy as fuck. Oh, all the magical, all the magical, all the musical instruments he has, I suppose. Yeah, plus I don't know.

He gives cribbit a little jocci. and you hear a dozen different instruments making noise? Yeah. I don't know how that. Yes. All right. Muriel, is Muriel awake? He's got the dog in there. He's got their dog in him.

All right, yeah, I head into Valakai and go to speak to Muriel. Oh, no, Keening has news. Oh, Keeney's got the news now. Yeah, because you're walking back. No, you know what? Muriel's there as well. see, as stressed, actually, yeah, of course Muriel's there as well, as stressed as Keening is, Muriel is like pacing up and down, hands behind her back. She continues to do that while you hand cribbed over to Keening, and then you turn to look

at her and she says, he's been bit. I open my mouth to like say something and then I don't. Then I open my mouth like a... me everything. On the walk back, Muriel relays all the events of Hector's Big Day out, shall we say. Do I know why Hector's bin bit? I guess not. No. Pyrin, Muriel explains that they had, unbeknownst to either of you, that they had arranged with Pyrin a Hector's bin bit signal, which was Pyrin to throw a, like a, a, like a, rock with a red handkerchief tied to it over the castle walls, which he did.

He tattled on Hector straight away. Only once? It has he been fed on. Pyrin is only aware of the one time. And how did he look? He looked as difficult to say he is not himself. Muriel would relate to you everything that has been learned about Hector. He, in, I guess the lions now belong to Borgia, but in the...

north in the realm of Madame Borizzi, he was taken apart and not entirely put back together again. Right, yeah, Frankenstein. Yes, he was taken into Strad's castle, where Strad explained to him the deal that he has explained to many adventurers in the past, that he is looking for a successor. Hector plans to take over from the devil. She makes the gesture. and then we need not fight said devil makes the gesture while we defeat Vampier

it would be easier if Hector were the avatar of vampire instead of you know who. The problem with Hector's worldview is that he believes there is an inherent goodness to everybody but he's very bad at believing in an inherent evilness. As a monster hunter, I know that such a thing

is a concrete fact. It's very Hector to imagine that were he to take on one of the most evil of all of the forces of all of the eldritch beings in the entire multiverse that he would be in some way

unaffected. So I can see what he was thinking. But I guess he's lost to us. I would be shocked if the devil, she makes the gesture, ever gave him this power. What power? Of Vampier.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course. He has offered it to many adventurers in the past. We should never have told him he was special. Then maybe he already believed it. She shrugs. He has done things that others haven't.

but he has also done many things that others have. Right. You know there are some that believe the morning lord does not exist in Borovia. There is within Castle Ravenloft rumor that there is a room, one room off limits to the devil. She does the gesture himself because this room within 12s the last vestiges of the morning lord or whatever sun god you wish to claim. And there are some that say that this vestige

does not exist within the room, but exists within a great paladin of the morning lord who still dwells within these lands. What are you saying to me right now? I am saying to you, Hector thought he was talking to, I do not know her name, Peña, is it? Yeah.

Perhaps he has been in communion with the devil since day one. I might go for a walk, I'd say. Yeah, I might go for a walk. And then I, I like go to turn around, then I turn back to Muriel. Is there anything else? These things that I tell you now, this, the existence of this room is but whispers, you understand. I cannot say any of this concretely. I merely express to you my deepest fears.

Well, do you intend to go back, speak to him again, speak to Pyrin, communicate with Pyrid? I can liaise with Pyrin as I can travel there more easily than anyone else here, but I... Well, it's only going to get more dangerous as Strad feeds more and more, so. So let's, you know, stay safe about it. that and I think the best move is to let Hector think at least that we are on his side here until we reach a point where we can no longer sustain the lie. I want you to know as well that this information about his God it is, it does strange things to the faithful when they find their connection

to a god has been severed. Be careful with this information. If it is true and Hector finds out, it could break him if he is not already. Well, I don't intend to tell him. So, you can be assured of that. Well, so long as no one in this room is secretly Hector. I start to think about whether or not I should be even saying

I guess actually I don't I the information Pips currently working with is that effectively it would work like a regular transformation that Hector I don't know about Hector's secret muscle so to speak Yes I don't that wouldn't

Pip's not really he's kind of thinking biologically rather than like kind of magically which is sort of what's happening so because I was going to be like should we stop saying Hector is he getting a little notification every time we say that but I actually probably wouldn't think that. Hector has left Castle Ravenloft. He intends to

meet the paladins, speaking of, at Argonvostolt. They are, I do not know if you have encountered them. They are, they were a group of paladins dedicated to a silver dragon who came to these

lands. They were perhaps before Keening and before Hector, they were the closest we ever, got to defeating the devil, she says. She does the little gesture. But they have been since corrupted, turned. They are a shadow of them former selves.

They are still concerned with defeating the devil. She does a little gesture. But they, it is a dark, twisted version of what they once were now. If you even, for a moment, try to divert them. if you do anything other than help them, they will strike you down. It is a dark evil obsession now. And why is Hector going to visit them?

They have requested to meet with him. And I imagine he thinks he can change their mind or something. Perhaps. I fear it is plausible that they have only summoned him to kill him. Well, that, yeah. Of course. Of course that's why they've summoned him. I do not know.

They are inscrutable, as always, to me. Perhaps he thinks he can turn them away from the devil to Madame Baritzie. Maybe that's what he's thinking. I don't, I can't fathom why he would go. He will fail. Well, yeah, yeah. He has told me the location of the final lodestone. That's either very good or very bad.

Could be a trap. Where is it? There was once a town to the south called Beres. It is before my time, so I know little of it. it, but it was wiped out, a previous incarnation, someone who got close, perhaps closer than Hector, and the town helped him. They were punished for it. The lodestone is there. Does he intend to, did he mention going there himself? I do not know what his plans are, but Tarpos knows of the location as well. She will no doubt be

making a beeline for it. It's a race either way, I suppose. Yeah. Well, that's... Nevertheless, remains our next destination. After the meeting, we have in Velikai tomorrow at 10. I say that and look at Keening so that he can make the arrangements. You will have to take this meeting quickly.

We have another one planned for with Hector. Okay. We must leave tomorrow as soon as possible so that we may meet him on the road. Right. Yeah. Okay, God damn it. Yes. We have a meeting on the road with Hector

and we try not to hurt his pride by telling him his plan is very stupid. Your meeting will need to be quick. He, so long as he has not been waylaid, he will be there, or he will make a good time. Yeah, yeah.

Damn, spiders. She stamps. What a spider scurrying through the grass. Oh, yeah. Does she, is that related to anything? Hector. Not relevant at all. Hungry.

Heter the spider can dog. So it's me on this switchback staircase, and then it's the spider. Yep. And then it is the trapdoor. Wow, it's a couple more switchbacks than the trapdoor. If I was to cast Misty Step, is that just myself or can I say bring Gretchen?

By the words of the spell, it's just you. But you can perform what I like to call a strained spell, quote unquote, where you would need to make an arcana check. If you fail, you lose the action and the spell. But if you succeed, Gretchen comes with. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. And how far away is that trap?

Directly up? Actually, directly up, you... Well, okay, I'll give you one of two options. here. So directly up, you can teleport to you can teleport to the trapdoor itself. Mm-hmm. Or 30 feet directly up,

you can teleport into the room above you, but because you don't, looking at the space, you could teleport into something, which is unpleasant. Yes, it is unpleasant. But what may be more unpleasant is being eaten by a spider vampire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Let's do that. Let's strain this spell, Adam. All right. Let's get it. You're good at Arcana, right? Yeah, it's not a hot plus two. It's not a negative. Yeah, it's not, come on. Adam's faces remain disturbingly neutral. I can double my... Double your movie.

Do you have anything for an Arcana check? I can double... I can double my proficiency bonus. Well, you don't have proficiency. Until the start That's kind of what started This is all Prop, so if you don't have anything

for this Feel free to go ahead and draw a good boy card and see if it gives you something because you've got a plus 20 You have 20 total, right? Nicely, you got a Nat 20 is what I've tried to say.

You successfully streamed the spell. Now are you teleporting into the other room or just to the trap door? Into the other room. Hise or lows. Let's go with eyes. Knowing if you guess poorly,

this could be very bad for you. Because when you teleport into something, it's called shunting in D&D. You need to move to the nearest open space and you take damage based on how far you move. But more importantly, the nearest open space, if you pick poorly enough,

the nearest open space could be the cavern. Jesus Christ. Okay, cool. I was like, surely he's not going to be like... He's not going to send you back with. I mean, I'm not going to send you next to the spider, technically. He'll be 120 feet away from the spider, actually. That's perfect. That's heaves of space.

That's heaps of space. Let's go with nose. Those, are you sure? No, Adam, I'm never sure. Are you so? I never... Because what does he want? What is Adam won? Hang on, let me count out.

Hang on. Let me go highs. I'll change. I'll change. Because I'm putting my trust in my good friend Adam. My friend Adam who loves me and cherishes me as a good friend. With whom we are creating a collaborative, enjoyable narrative and having fun with our friends. That one's gone to me. This would be the full damage.

That's so many D-6s. So I'm assuming Adam makes her a face. He wants me to change because he loves me. Exactly. He wouldn't screw you over in this instance. Yeah. So, what are you going? I was going to go highs then. Ooh. Okay. I didn't like his yet either.

Yeah. Yeah. That seemed, yeah. That seemed like he wanted me to change and he's going to now screw me over. Yeah. Because he doesn't love us. He hates me. He loves when I suffer. Yeah. This is a collaborative game where out of his mean to us and tells a mean story where we get hurt. Oh, what possible reason could I have to be mad at you? What's that mean? What's that mean? Oh, sorry, we're talking about...

Let's go lows, Adel's say with Lowe. Lowe's? We're sticking Lowe's. We're sticking Lowe's. It's a lovely time to go Lowe's. What do you think, Chuck? Honestly, dude? I don't know.

I'll tell you what, I think... I'm just going to quickly, hang on. Because it might affect what you pick. I think... TAN. Jesus Christ. I think you should pick Hives. You reckon.

I think Adam's initial... This is me using dark psychology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Initially, he was on your side. Yeah. Okay, but then you became suspicious, and it became a sort of joke. Yeah. And he blent in, it was like, oh, I don't know, they're both bad.

But I think his initial reaction was the legitimate one. All right. And you should go highs. It would be 57 damage. Hyes. Let's go highs. Go Lowe's. Jackson.

Now he's playing you like a fiddle. Okay. Initially, you would take 57 points of damage and be on the wrong side of a spider. Go Lowe's. So not change. Oh, wait, no, change. Change, change. Going Lose would be changing.

Going, I started with Lowe's. I started with Lowe's. Oh, sorry, then go highs. And then you were like, you said change. And so I said, hi. And now Adam's like, now go Lose. Yeah, because now he's screwed you. But initially, the first change was legitimate.

What's the Monty Hall problem again? There's two goats and one. I don't think it works with two doors. I think if there's only two options. Because Adam always reveals the goats. Yeah. That's why it's always better to change. Change.

We'll go highs? Highs. That's what you went with before. You went highs and then I said change. I said lows initially he weren't changed. Then I said go change to loads. Okay, we'll change to lows. Now maybe he's bamboozled himself.

I don't know what's happening anymore. I'm out of my death. I'm thinking about the Monty Hall problem, okay? Give us three choices. Yeah. Okay. Well, you can go middle, high or low. Okay.

Now, I say low. Then you, you reveal... I reveal that it's not middle. Highs or lows. Then always change, right? Yes. The Monty... They'll always change.

I feel like this doesn't work, like, the Monty Hall problem. No, this is actually the Monty Hall problem. It is better to change. Yeah. Statistically speaking. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll change.

All right. No. No. Because the Monty Hall problem. has a positive and a negative outcome. Yeah, this- Shut the fuck up. Adam has given you two nothing outcomes.

In the Monty Hall problem, you know the goat is bad. The car is good. In the highs and lows, you don't know if highs is good or lows is good. So it's not the Monte-Holl problem. Well, I'm saying Mids would have been the goat. That doesn't make sense either. If I, if we've got three doors,

one is labeled highs, one is labeled lows, One is labeled go. One is labeled go. You picked Lowe's. Yeah. I opened the door for MID and it's got the goat. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I see. Then yeah, yeah, it's better to change. Yeah, yeah. I thought you opened the door behind it was Mids, which tells you nothing. No, no, no, yeah. Mids is the goat. Okay.

Yeah. So we're going, like said, Lowe's, now we're going high. Yes, change the highs. Hyes. You fall. The Monty Hopper, it doesn't always go. That's the thing about it. The trick to the Monty Hall problem is, statistically speaking, it gives you a better chance,

but it's not a guarantee that you'll win. What do you mean? What do you mean? It's not a guarantee. Shunting? Yeah, you get shunted. You get shunting damage. Because you teleport into an object. God damn.

Is that the noise in the face? Yeah, that's the noise being shunted, man. What's making that noise? The world. You take 10 points of shunting damage. Okay. Then you take 50. Why is that?

Why is it, why is that the, like, the closest empty space? Because it's directly below you. You teleport into a bunch of pews and then you pop out at the top of the cabin and you fall 150 feet. You know what I don't like? That you leave a grachron behind. with the spider. No, Gretchen came with. Oh.

You know what I don't like? Because with shunting, how it works. Yeah. Is if I'm occupying a space. Now, is M.I. and Gretchen occupying a space? Or is there a chance that Gretchen is fine? Heys or lows?

We'll do it again. It can't happen twice. Can't happen twice. Loose. Open the door. You're going to pick lows? Yeah. All right.

I'm going to reveal highs. as the goat. That's good then. He's always as high or low. Yes. Yeah. Mid's nothing. Yeah, mids, what is mids mean?

He didn't say high, mid or low. It's always high as a low. Yeah. Right? I don't know. Is he changing the game on it? I'm at a level with you. I don't know what's happening.

Yeah, well, yeah. We'll go lows. We'll stay with lows. You stay with lows? Yeah, I guess. So the Monty Hall problem says that you should switch to mids. Are you staying with lows? Is the mid is now an option on this table.

You got three doors. One labeled mids, one labeled high. I understand the Monty Hall problem. I'm across that. But at Adams World of Hyes and Lowe's, we're now incorporating Mids. I believe so. For the purpose of maybe it possible to do the Monty Hall problem. You lost for this.

I just wanted my good friend not to fuck me. And yet here we are. Look, here, I'll do a variation on the Monty Hall problem that's nicer. Yeah. I opened the door that says highs. and I reveal a goat. Yeah. Oh, sorry, the door that says Mids and I reveal a goat.

And then I point to the door, as Monty Hall, I point to the door that says highs. And I say, that's another goat, buddy. Exactly. So, yeah, I want to stay low. Stay lows? All right. Just you. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Hey, that's all right. I like this variation of the Monty Hall problem when Monty Hall helps you out. He gives you a hand. He gives you a hand. Figure that out.

Incorporate that into your logic problem. Is it better to switch or stay? Yeah. But also Monty Hall is helping. But Monty Hall sometimes is a piece of shit. Yeah, exactly. He could be lying. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I'm looking forward to the title of this episode. The Monty Hall problem. Yeah. You know. All right. Hector, sorry, 67 points of damage puts you on. 13. Jesus.

Hey, brother. That's how I was living for the last, like, X amount of games. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Just one big spider. Alrighty. Cool. And I'm at the bottom of the ocean. No, and I'm at the bottom of the stairs. You're at the bottom of a hill. Yeah. Well, yeah. Can I go through the hill? No.

Um, Hector, technically, uh, technically you have a turn while falling, which I think is funny. Okay. Okay. Oh, okay. Now, when you teleport while falling, what happens? Uh, do you keep your momentum portal style? I reckon you should. Yeah, okay. But you would have fallen. and further than 30 feet if you're casting Misty Step again. Yeah. So, but if I was to, yeah, so

basically, ideally, if I could teleport onto the staircase so that I don't take 57 points at fall damage. How quickly does want to hit terminal? Yeah, do you land on the staircase and make you fly

forward? It's magic. And if so, can I use my the falling, the momentum to teleport myself upside down? and go that other way. And land on the roof and then fall again. Oh, I see what you mean. Go off down and teleport, Misty step into the top of the...

And kick the spider in the face. Yeah, you should be able to. But I'm also very afraid that this vampire is way more stronger than I initially. You can reduce some of the damage doing that, but you actually hit terminal velocity very quickly. This is a game of magic, Adam, magic. It's a realm of fantasy and imagination. A spider talk to me. means that it was hungry, Adam. That was all previously a man.

Criminal, your science means nothing here. I'm not 100% sure you, I'm not 100% sure you do get a turn while falling, all right? So be kind. You be kind. You can make, I will allow, all right, I will allow a, you can either make a Arcana check or a dexterity check, I'd say, not saving throw, just straight decks check. Okay. Both of those for you, I believe, are a plus two. Correct. So the only functional difference

is do you have a card that can help you with either one? I believe. One skill, right? What skill?

Skill would be Arcana. I'm going to go with skill. I will say, because I've already moved the dice aside now, so I don't know

how much damage you would have taken anymore. I will roll and for every five, so 5, 10, 15, 20, I'll roll a D6

and we'll reduce your damage by that much. Okay. Okay. You get 15. So 3D6. Okay. Nice.

That's pretty good. You take 11 less damage. Hey, on 24 now. Hey, that's pretty good. That's better than 13, brother. And I'm not on. Ground floor.

No, but you're close. Okay. Okay. All right. You hear scuttling and then, um, What was that? Like a trapdoor movie?

Yeah. Did it get out, perhaps? Let it take over Barovia. Who cares? Gretchen's up there. Oh, wow. Can I? Fuck.

Fuck. I want to, can I sprint up? Can I sprint as fast as I can? I want to sprint. I'll second wind as well. You say, that gives you hit points back, yeah? Yeah. You recover...

One D-10 plus six. Oh, isn't... Oh, no, that's right. You're only final level. Yeah. You recover 13 hit points. Not bad. You sprint.

You run. Okay. You burst out the trap door. And you explode onto the next level, Pip. Danica, looking over at you, you see if she's stepping out from one of the other rooms. Pip, you don't look. so well. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, Danick. I've just got some sort of terrible news, but what's new? How are you this evening? It is, as it has always been, I suppose. Clodier and I have spoken a bit about how we will lead, I suppose, in your stead. We have some plans. Great. You'll be happy to do that?

Yes, would you like to know? Yeah, I would love to hear your plan. She sits down in the room that she is prepared for you with a carafe of water and pours both of you a glass, as she explains, it's a lot of mundanities. There's a lot of rebuilding that needs to happen, and she just runs you through like a checklist of different things. Yeah, I listen if there's anything I disagree with

or that I think could be done differently. Like if she goes, oh, and we'll use some of the, I mean, she probably wouldn't say this, but like, oh, we'll use some of the cursed wood from the tree blight. I go, no, no, no, no, no. But, yeah, otherwise, I just listen intently, tiredly. You give pieces here and there, and she write, she maybe makes notes and such like that. Then at a certain point, Danica maybe catches you with your head in your hand and you can see that your eyes are drooping. Sorry, it's been a very long night, Dan.

It has indeed. I will leave you then to rest. Yeah, thank you. I think we have to head off pretty quickly after the meeting in the morning. But, I mean, hopefully, I still think it would be nice for you to see the stars in Thestrials' sort of temple.

We'll try and organize that. That would be very kind of you. But do you think it makes up for everything? Do you think you can be forgiven, Pip? Do you think you can be forgiven, Pip? Keenan? You look behind you, Keenings standing in your bedroom. His arm?

Yeah. You can see he's cradling it, and with a steady drip, drip, drip, drip, you see blood oozing from his stump hand onto the floor in front of him. You would have got me. Do you think you would be forgiven? Fransy. You look back around an elanial. standing there. You can see she is covered in blood, the blood of her people. I'm trying. I'm, I'm, Thestrial, uh, Thestriel, believe so. It would not be a unkind thing, Pip,

for you to die. A gogash? You look back and now instead of Keenings place, a gogash is standing there. I, I'm trying. I mean, is this, I, a gogash wraps his hands around your neck. And with a start, you wake up in front of Danica. Sorry, Danica, I drifted off. What were you saying? She gives you a serious look, not like you're in trouble or anything like that. A serious look like she can tell something's wrong. She closes the book in front of her and she says, perhaps it is time for sleep.

I will brew a nettle tea. It will help ease your mind. Thank you, Danica. Thank you. That was a Ganesh there. God. What did I do to him? Well, I mean, yeah.

Thank you, Danica. Thank you. Danica gets up and, like, gives you some time to yourself. As she leaves, maybe she puts a reassuring hand on your shoulder, but doesn't say anything. She comes back after five or ten minutes with that cup of nettle tea. Thank you very much. I have a sip. Oh, man.

Danico. You know, it never ends. It never ends. You know, you wonder if forgiveness is really sort of like a tangible thing or if it's the kind of thing that you're just going to spend your life chasing, you know. If there is some kind of scale that you're trying to balance and who you're trying to balance it for, I'm rambling. Pip, there would be many in the way. the clergy especially who will tell you about the leisure of your life, of your immortal soul.

But I think that even the gods do not see it this way. Life is not a game of balancing good and evil. Life is about doing what good you can with the time you have. Yeah. I think, you know, because of the way I was raised, you know, Gregory Burns doesn't really believe in a ledger, so to speak. you know, if you say sorry and you write the appropriate letter with the appropriate flower arrangement or box of chocolates, or if what you do, you do, you know,

still within the sort of lines of decorum and courtesy, there, like, no sin has occurred. And that's just sort of a strange moral framework to grow up within. Hector, I suppose, in some ways, lucky in that the moral lines drawn out for him by banyar and gnomes a pretty clear cut although perhaps that's fucked his life up in some way as well. Who can say? And it's

embarrassing that I've never asked you this before Danico, but a religious The were ravens have a religion not dissimilar to that of the werewolves. Those creatures who have

as they call it the lichenthropal, the thropeys of different sorts. They all claim different religions among themselves. And as an outsider, I suppose they all seem the same to me,

but if you were to ask them, it's all very different. I guess in answer to your question, though, no, I am not terribly religious. You didn't strike me as such. You never have. There is, though, some logic to this Gregory Bones you speak of.

There is a power, I think, to a heartfelt apology. Look at yourself, Pip. You accomplished more to apologize than you ever did otherwise. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I mean, through no help from Gregory Bones, you know, I don't think I'm quite doing it in a way that he would appreciate, really.

I think people... Well, let me correct myself. He would appreciate it. because he has to. I don't think it's genuine. Danica gives you a smile. I think people put too much on the gods to solve their problems for them.

Is not the point of investing power in a clerical paladin that they should accomplish the goal? Well, yes, Danica, but do you know this? There's a story, this reminds me of. This is a gentleman and he's got a farm.

And one night, wolves come through the farm and they decimate half of his flock, right, dead, destroyed by wolves. And that's bad for him, because obviously, you know, he needs the wool from the sheep to make money. So he's in trouble. And the next morning, his neighbor says, well, I've actually been very lucky this season. I have an abundance of livestock. I'll lend some to you. But the man who lost his sheep, he says, no, no, no, the gods will provide. The gods will provide. Well, that next night, the wolves return, and they decimate the rest of the sheep. And now he has no livestock. of which to speak, and he's going to go under.

You know, he's got no hope here. But a traveling salesman comes by and says, well, I'm looking to buy a farm. And I'll give you, you know, a reasonable price for your farmstead. And the man says, well, I know, it's been my family a long time. The gods will provide. Well, obviously, you know, life's not in a great place. So he turns to drink. And in his drink, he leaves a stove on or in his stupor, he leaves the stove on, whole house

burns down. He's got nothing now. but somebody from the village says, well, I've got a room in my inn. You could stay there while you get back on your feet. And he says, no, the gods will provide. But that night, asleep in the burned ruins of his farmhouse, the wolves return and they tear him limb from limb. Kill him, dead.

And he wakes up in the afterlife and the gods are there. And he says, why didn't you help me? And they say, well, we did. We gave you the neighbor. You know, we sent the salesman. We sent the woman in town who ran an inn. We did provide for you. You just didn't see it.

Well, what I've always sort of read the moral of that story is is that, yes, the God sent the neighbor, and they sent the salesman, and they sent the woman in town. But they sent the wolves, too. Danica nods and gets up. What kind of system is that? I got to get some sleep, Danica. I'm rambling even more. 10 a.m. 10 a.m.

Thank you for the tea. Pip probably with like a dragon's mouth Like I probably don't sip Really? They don't have lips Lapped it up, I guess I'd open my jaw and just dump it down After I finish my tea

I guess I'll just go to bed Alright You hit the hay Yeah, I'll hit the sack Just conk out probably Actually probably I'll probably spend a little bit of time Awake normalizing myself So that I don't

You know Pip I had a nightmare just before I don't want to sort of re-enter that sort of zone. You re-enter yourself. Yeah, and then I do a little meditation. And then I'll go to sleep. All right. But not enough meditation to connect with anything divine. Okay, I'm not about that shit.

You don't need to do it. Well, I mean, there are any amount of meditation connects you kind of, you don't need to know. He's scared. He's too scared. Jackson and Pip don't need to know. Exactly. Exactly. You gently on the comfortable bed lie your head.

lie your head and body down. Boom! Hector, you're up on the top floor. Okay. And what do my Hector I see? What do you're a Hector I see? What to my one A's Mier and one question mark, question mark I see? Eyes are los.

Oh, you, so much. I thought about it and I decided I would play this game. Your absolute piece of waste. You man made of soot and mud. Oh, soot and mud. That's a good one. You fucking ooth. You dog.

Hise. Oh, wait. I forgot what we're doing. Sorry. So you're picking highs? There's Lose Mids highs now. Oh, that's right. We Monty hold it.

Okay. We did. That's good, actually. Hyes. You're picking highs? All right, I am revealing that lows is bad. That's your goat. So you've got to change.

Always change, right? Go mids. Mids? All right. You explode up onto this floor. Uh-huh. This hasn't worked in the past. I'm waiting to see.

We have had to say the Monty Hall problem is not a guarantee of success. So. You explode up onto the top floor. Or I should say the ground floor. Out of the trapdoor. Out of the trap door. And you can see Gretchen lying prone in the... Once again, all the chairs up here are kind of like scattered around.

So there's no... You wouldn't really call it an aisle properly anymore, but she is lying prone in the middle of the aisle. And you're giving me... I'm just waiting. I'm waiting. Go on. Yeah, you're very... You're a very curious boy. Yeah, I'm a curious boy. What's my heart rate? Go on. Because you checked your watch to see your heart rate.

I was like, oh, am I boring? It's fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're sitting at a happy, like, what's that? Oh, okay, 100 and, yeah, five, good, it's got, good, good. And you can see, the spider is slowly stalking its way, not towards Gretchen, but just off in a direction that seems kind of random. You're not sure 100% what's going on. The spider's not paying attention to her. Oh, that's great. That's good.

Okay. What would you like to do? So he's past her. He's not past her. Imagine Gretchen is south. Yep. The spider is moving away from you in a south-easterly direction. Okay.

And is not, the spider is closer to you than Gretchen is. Okay. Where's all our shit? Like, where is all our, like, our camp, I guess? Or where we were sleeping in all our effects, really. So if Gretchen's to the south, the spider slowly quenchon. crawling to the southwest, your stuff is to the north, only a couple steps away. Okay, cool. Okay, cool. Is great. Um, excellent. Okay. The chest of, of, uh, uh, Yenda,

um, the letters, that's, that's there. Yeah. Cool. And that's a couple steps away. That's a couple steps away. Okay. Fantastic. Um, there was no lock on there was there? I don't think so. Uh, there should be. Was there a, like, like, yeah, I can open. It's like, I want to... You can open it. It's a very complicated lock from memory, actually. Okay. Complicated lock.

It's a series of seven locks that you need to unlock. Complicated. Yeah. Let's see. Well... You have all the... So, it's seven locks. Uh-huh. You have the seven keys.

Uh-huh. It's just about unlocking it. Okay. No, I don't want that. I'm like, ah, the right tool for the job. Well, I got the tool. Then we'll break off. to being used.

Yeah, you don't want that. Okay. Oh, how gratuitous. Maybe I do that. Okay, I will go, okay, can I, since near me, still searching, I will go as quietly as I can to the chest and try to open it. You rolled very well. Thank you.

You get to the chest. Yep. And the spider does not seem to have noticed you. Okay, that's great. So it's still looking around. All right. Great. Cool.

Can I start trying to. to open. Do I remember how to open it? You, in this panicked moment, will need to make a check to get it on the first try. Okay, what kind of check at him? I would say it's an intelligence role. No, not like a skill check, just straight up intelligence. Okay, okay. Plus two. Hector is decently smart.

Is he's all right? Yeah. I got nothing to help you, brother. So it's not a skill check. So what would it be called? An intelligence check, probably? I don't think... Well, I guess if you have an intelligence saving throw, I'd allow that. Yeah.

But we don't really actually have cards for this, other than like a re-roll anything. I've got to re-roll a saving throw if failed, is all I got currently. What's saving throw? It just says a savings throw. Oh, well... No, I wouldn't say this counts.

Okay, okay. You're just going to have to take the gamble, brother? Okay. No Uguo cards for me. If you want, you can spread. spend there something good happens. Tuitus. Oh, helpituatus.

Okay. All right. Yeah, we'll spend half a duetis. You spend the half fortuitous card, looking at the lock, you can see that each of the different locks has a beautiful, the chest is gorgeous and ornate. And the locks, each of them have gorgeous and ornate symbology around the edges. And you realize, because you are of the same faith as Yenda, that that symbology, you actually corresponds to each individual key that you have. You instinctively know the order.

Excellent. Beautiful. All right, let's unlock that, the letters of gnomes and penia. All right. You do so. Quietly, I assume. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. How far away is he? Well, you kind of fuck it up. You got anything for a stealth check? Well, I was like, do I want to do it quietly? Because ultimately, if he's close to Gretchen, no, I don't want to do it quietly. True, true. You want to...

I have re-roll a deal. Decks based saving throw with advantage if you need it. Honestly, like again, if I can, let him heal. Yeah, if he's, if he's, could he get to me before I open the thing?

He moves pretty quick. He does move pretty quick. Yeah, he's very fast. Yeah, he does. He does be very fast. He is a giant spider. Yeah. Whatever, let's just do it.

Let's do it. Let's get it open. All right. You start unlocking. As an action, you get halfway through unlocking. Oh, fuck. It's the spiders.

Oh, fuck, dude. God, what should you curl inwards. Not unlike a spider. Hmm. Come on, come on, come on, click, click, click, click, click. Hey, look, I'm just, I'm glad that the spider noticed me bursting through a trapdoor.

So I'm like, hey. Yeah, because I do not think I was quiet. What noise does a spider make? Blu-kut. You're like Scooby-Doo, right? Yeah. It's a big time. That is gross

Spiders should not have This is not, I think, how it's meant to me But I have been kind of picturing it with a little human head Like a little human face on the spider front They're gonna dryders Yeah, brother Or a lulf Or lilf or lelph

I am looking at dryders Okay So Okay First things first Okay Time to look through my Ugiot deck Yeah

Time to do doodle So first things first out from underneath the chest you hear a scratching and a scrambling sound what the hell from underneath the chest not inside underneath it

a swarm of spiders crawl their way out and over the chest and onto your hands and up your arms and onto your shoulders and onto your neck and down your chest

and they bite the ever-loving shit out of you oh no is it one attack, shall we say? It's two attacks. There's two, quote unquote, swarms hitting you. Two swarms are hitting me? Yeah, there's two swarms. Okay. What an undignified way for heck

to die. All right. Well, not everybody makes it out of all of you. Are you doing something about this? I'm waiting. I see your reaction and like I'll play it by your faces. One attack is a miss and one attack is a hit. Okay. Is it a... You're about to parry a swarm of spider. Oh, that would be awesome. You should. You should. Or repost.

Well, that'll be your reaction. So if you were planning on using it for something else, letting you know this is not the vampire attacking you, this is just a layer action it has. As you are in its layer right now. I thought maybe the vampire would then not be coming for me because of the next. No, dice buster.

No, sorry. Okay. Yeah, I'll repost. Why not? That rocks. You somehow repost with what weapon? Currently, I guess, currently, I would have a spear near me. Spear? But I would have put it down...

It's just really... I thought you had, like, if you had your maze, so you just like to slam yourself in the chest. Mark off a superiority die? You demolish one of the two swarms. So, how? Scrape it off with the spear. I think he's like slamming it into the chest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With my chest, any of this. In a panic, you attack the swarm. Then it's the vampire's turn. Yes, Adam. Yes, Adam. Very good, Adam. Yes, Adam.

This is good for me, Adam. Very good. Very nice. First things first. Okay. Fuck off. Fuck, dude. As not a paladin anymore, I don't think you're immune to charm.

Am I correct? Maybe. You need to make a very important wisdom saving third. Oh, no. Heck, duh. All right. You pass. Congratulations.

That was its bonus action. Then it just attacks. My God. Vampires are fucking scary, dude. Hit, hit. You need to make an important grapple check. Hey, you might get drug. Hey, again.

I get a bad boy card. Okay, so can I ignore a damage from one attack? Which youth recommend? Let me quickly check something. What would be Adams? Wow, that's bad. Okay. Would you recommend?

What would be Adam's deal of the month? If we enter Adams Deal Corner, what are we talking here? Okay, so, two attacks. Was it a saving throw I failed as well? No, they were both grapple checks. It's a athletics check on your behalf. A skill check, you say. Yes.

Well, first off, let's roll a skill check with advantage. Okay. Okay. You still fail. Okay. Unfortunately, this thing gets pretty good bonuses to its grapple check. This is great. Yeah.

Unfortunate. And then the one attack. No, sorry, you do pass. I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. It was a re-roll with advantage. You got a Nat 20, get a good boycott. Oh, my God.

Sorry, I mixed up the rolls. So, okay. Now, let me quickly. So one of the attacks is going to deal 19 points of damage. That one sounds bad. And the other one is going to deal 15 points of damage. Okay. So.

I want to ignore that 19 points of damage. Yeah, I would say so. If you ignore the 19 points of damage, you're grappled. Say I'm going to want to ignore that 15 points of damage. I would say, yeah, don't worry about that 15. Yeah. You want to get drunk, dude. Yeah.

So, as you don't get grappled, it doesn't get its fun bite attack. That sounds like it still gets some kind of bite attack. Well, it's still biting you. You're still about to make a con save. Okay. But a different type of con saving. What was your hit points? I'm currently now sitting on a wonderful A-teen.

Oh, nice, dude. Congratulations. Thank you. Congratulations. Now, speaking of that con-same. Okay. That's a fail. Do you have anything for a constitution saving throw? Like a say, it's to re-roll a saving throw?

With advantage? Or just re-roll? Is re-roll a saving throw I failed? You pass. Hey! Thank goodness. Wonderful news. Okay. So... Thank you, Yu-Gi-Oh. Yeah.

So that was its turn. Oh my God. Then it gets its legendary action. Yeah. You are fighting a boss alone. I didn't realize. Remember how hard it was to take down like Ludd Miller? Jesus Christ.

You get bit and you're going to get sock. Oh no. Constitution based check? No, that was another grapple check. You take 18 points of damage. I'm on zero. Uh-oh. Uh-uh.

Walk it off. Gain hit points equal to your level. Hang on. You regain hip... I'm freaking out. Hit points equal to 1D10 plus your level. Don't spend it yet. So...

So... You hit zero hit points. You stop struggling. And the poisoning bite turns into a draining bite. Now use it. Walk it off. Hit points equal to 1D10 plus your level.

All right. You're on 21 hit points. Oh my God. Oh, God. dude. That's got to be the straw blood inside you. Okay. Hector. Secret muscle.

The spider vampire as you're dealing with the ones, the tiny spiders in front of you, it lands on you from behind. You feel like a snake, but it is a spider the size of two horses, throwing its fucking dagger-like venom

into you. You feel the first bite catches you on the back of the neck. The second bite down your spine. Third bite down your spine. Then it works its way back up. Everything goes black. You lose consciousness for just a moment, though. As you re-wake up, you can still see spiders dangling off your arms.

You have been lifted into the air. You can feel as some back legs. There's enough legs that the spider, the giant spider is still standing. But with some of its back legs, you feel as you are being wrapped in web from behind. And you can also feel as blood is rapidly losing, you are rapidly losing blood. Okay, that's great.

Is the church organ going off? Because it should be. But I don't know! Okay, okay, okay. Lightning happening, stained glass windows are bit shattered. Absolutely. Coming through every time like... A hundred percent what needs to be.

Rations on the keys. Yeah.