D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #37 It Reminds Me of the Stars

Episode Date: April 18, 2026

“… and I only collect shiny things because they remind me of the stars. It reminds me of the night and your absence which I find anticipatory. I often wonder if you feel the same? Do you feel as electrified as I do to know that while you are not here now, I shall see you soon? Cresting the horizon with your enrapturing gaze. And in those moments, when you see me and smile, I understand why ice melts…”~ Nomes’ letter to Penia, 363.1804If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oi, lads, did you miss out on the Jaron's Outpost Kickstarter and wish you weren't such a big doofus? Well, fear not. Late pledges are now open and they'll be open for a little while, so just head to Kickstarter search for D&D for nerds or Jaron's Outpost and slam that late pledge button. Although you see no water for miles around, you are, like us, marooned. You're stranded in this sad and lonely place called Barovia. To mix metaphors, we are incarcerated.

The fog that surrounds us are the bars of our dungeon, and Baron von Strade is out jailer. As far as I can tell, there is only one way out, and that is to kill Devil Strad. You are fighting a boss alone, basically. I didn't realize. You get bit, and you're going to get socked. Oh, no. It lands on you from behind. The first bite catches you.

on the back of the neck. The second bite down your spine, third bite down your spine, you feel as you are being wrapped in web from behind. And you are rapidly losing blood. Okay, that's great. Is the church organ going off? Because it should be. But no. Okay. Okay. Lightning happening. Stanglass windows is shattered. Absolutely. Coming through every time like a hundred percent what needs to be. Brachians on the keys. Hector, it's your turn Okay, so I'm being grappled Yes Okay, how far away is the

Chest from where I am? It's right in front of you Okay, I just like My hands are free I'm just wondering, do I unlock it or do I just smash it open? Eyes are lois Eyes? Yeah

All right, I'm opening The Lose door Reveal a goat Okay, so it's mids Is an option still Yeah, I guess change to Mids Okay. Always change. You whip your arms out and your hands, your fingers brush over the box.

You have been lifted up, but not far enough away from the box. Okay. You have access to the box. All right. I'll unlock the rest of the locks. You can do that, yeah. How's your action? Rip it open. The second the box opens, light, sunlight, bades the room. Fantastic. Can I try and pick it up and shove it into the room?

the vampire. That has been your action, unfortunately. Okay. Okay. You just got to survive one more round. That's all right. That's all right. Why do I have I done anything else?

What are your battle master maneuvers? I've already used my action search. You got repost. Command of Strike, feigning attack, repost. Do you wear a holy symbol? And trip. Around my neck, yeah. Okay.

But Gretchen. No. Gretchen has something in. Gulliver. All right. an unholy light fills the room and for a brief moment you're not sure what's happening but then it is immediately overwhelmed

by the light coming out of the box immediately it is overwhelmed you feel like something could have happened but something protected both you and Gretchen and then it is the vampire's turn the vampire takes 20 points of damage oh hey that's pretty good Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Its spider underlings begin fleeing, and the spider itself, it drops you. You hit the ground, and then the spider vampire beelines for the trap door, which with one of its front legs, it flips open, and then it crawls in. Do I get attack of Op? Yeah, sure. Cool.

Can I attack using boot? using booming blade. Do you have anything for a missed attack? Pinpoint act? Oh no. Automatically critical hit on your weapon attack but do minimum damage? That would work, yeah.

Burn it. And I'll want to cast the booming blade on the... As a reaction, you can't cast booming blade, unfortunately. Dang. But you get either distracting jab or distracting jab. Let me think. They are different effects. Let's go with distracting.

Jab. Left hand or right hand. Hmm. My right, you're left. My left, you're right. All right. Distracting jab. Triple damage and the target must make a DC-14 constitution saving throw.

On a failed saving throw, they have disadvantage on attacks for a D4 plus one rounds. So minimum damage is one plus your strength times three, though. I can't use a... Can I use a superiority die here? Those don't count as actions, so yes. Okay. Oh, cool. Can I trip?

Trip him there. Oh, yes. You can trip. Yeah. Try a trip, yeah. That rocks. As it moves to step, like, put the box underneath one of its feet. Yeah.

I feel if he trips and he's bathing in the light more. Yeah, it's good. Causing him more damage. Absolutely. You deal 15, quote, unquote, points of damage. Mm-hmm. Uh, and then you make a opposed check. You trip the spider vampire.

Fuck yes. Stupid spider, vampire. With your clumsy legs, that's all your big legs do. More legs means more trippings. Stupid spider trying to eat me. Cool. All right, so can I just grab the, like, like, their letters, right? Yeah.

The different poems. Some of them are collected together, but it is essentially piles of loose paper. I want to grab like a handful of it as I can, like branching it out almost like, you know, like, almost a shield. You're nearly blinded. It is giving off, these letters are giving off sunlight. They're difficult. to read, but you can grab, and they're a bit warm to the touch as well. Okay, and Spider Vampire is on the, like, he's tripped up on the floor, yeah?

Yes, correct. Can I, maybe this sacrilegious? I don't know. Put the letters onto, like, say, the spider. Yeah. And then, I'm assuming I got, like, a knife on me, or if not my... It'd be here somewhere in your kit. Or my spear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stab into the letters into the spider so that it, like, is stuck to it. it. Hell yeah. And so it's just like constantly, you know, basically if I can get it on its back, so it can't quite reach with its spider leg, just like put it on the abdomen. Yeah, if you could climb on the back and slam it into the middle of its spine. And then you just slam it into the middle of his spine.

Yeah. Absolutely. Hell yes. Its little legs trying to reach behind it, can't do it. You, Hector, you press some of the letters up against the thorax of this. creature and with dagger in hand you plunge the

point of the dagger through the pages cleanly bisecting the sentence I only collect shiny things because they remind me of the stars awesome beautiful nice it pierces the

other end and buries itself deep into the spider vampire creature yes let the morning light shine on this new day as I think I'll do it with the spear just straight through nice hell yeah

the spider vampire is freaking the fuck out and thrashing against this it flips itself back onto its legs and tries to scuttle away you

you used your spear to stab it did you you have no weapon to attack as it tries to flee but you see as it opens with one of its front legs, it flips open the trapdoor. You can see as ash and smoke is billowing out from under it, this creature is being burnt apart. It climbs into, it tries to climb away from the light,

but it cannot escape it. You hear as it staggers, as the last part of its thorax, is disappearing and you watch the bright light coming from underneath its thorax. You watch the bright light disappear from, this upper area and then begin shining out from below, you hear hungry. And then the spider just let's go and you hear, thump. I'll deal with that later. I head towards Gretchen.

You reach Gretchen. She's still unconscious. She's bound up as well. I believe you freed her. That's right. She's not tied up. She's just unconscious. I check, like, what, why, what made her unconscious in a sense?

You can see there's, like, a little blood pooling around her temple. I, yeah, I guess, yeah, check her, see if he's okay, and then try to rouse her, if I can, wake her up. You're able to rouse her. You shake her a little bit, and you, I don't know what, but you say something to wake her up. Gretchen, are you okay? Gretchen slowly stirs, but the next time you talk, how long? wind from Mount Gacchus sweeps down, buffets all of Borovia, sending doors and windows smattering and shattering open. It billows through your clothes and brings with it rain from the

outside to drench you. A chill seeps into your bones from the wet and you cast your eyes up to the mountaintop viewed through one of the windows, and you can distantly see the first snows of the season drifting down as if chasing the wind. A single flake makes its way from the very summit of Mount Gakas all the way into the valley and right onto the Kandani's soldier's face. The soldier, a little surprised, brushes at it to clear his vision and Piran pounces. A jerking motion and a sudden snap and the soldier drops to the floor. Like a big cat with its prey, he drags the body into the dark.

The last thing to see the light of Borovia are the poor man's black shiny boots. John Cavendish, wearing identical, though significantly more travel-worn boots, sits on the shoulder of the engineer's robot. Carefully shifting in place, he produces from his pack some tobacco for his pipe. Almost oblivious to the horde of druids around him, Cavendish sings to himself, On marching feet through heat and sleet. The engineer whistles along in tune with the song, and now very familiar sight for the host around them,

the soldier singing and sitting on the robot while the engineer whistles and drives. Tarpos, whose blistering pace these last few weeks, has been tiring even for her, looks back at the 50 or so troop she commands. Upon mounted cattle over prattle and battle, My lady! The green knight kneels before their queen, We can see something troubles you.

Tell us who and we shall slaughter them. Is it Druid Gregory? We would gladly see his brain smashed. Tapos raises a hand with a look of absolute terror. It begins. That was ominous. One of the Kandeneas guards mutters through mouthfuls of his packed lunch. I'm just saying, says,

the other, gesturing at the entrance to Fort Sand. That it could happen, not that it would. Who knows what new monsters or diseases could be hidden in those woods? The guard eating his lunch glances out at the Slavich woods from their position, guarding the gate. Foods weird here? Yes. True. Yes.

What if there's some sour food fairy living here and we bring it back? The guard... I like that I thought you would That's really good The guard finishes his sandwich All the more reason to keep a close watch Speaking of you there

Stay your business Pyrin made to look as human as possible And wearing a very recently acquired uniform Calls Back Out on patrol Inside Fort Sand Piran makes himself as indiscreet as possible And wonders

Counting heads checking readiness, inspecting stockpiles and assessing future points of ingress. Finally, his tour leads him to the portal. Pyrrion watches as wooden beams meant to secure the portal's frame are being replaced with stone. Very permanent-looking stone. Curiously, he also looks beyond the portal to the future of candle. Smoke stacks in concrete and gunpowder, or gnome powder, depending on who you are, ask, and gas, Pyrrion swears, watching as a mechanical flying machine zips by the open

portal and out to sea. After a moment of shock, Pyrrion's gaze comes back down to see huge steel cables being dragged by men and donkeys through the portal. Two colossal cables large enough for a man to stand inside. Searching the crowd, Pyrrion spots a foreman, a dwarf with a clean, hard hat and a rolled piece of paper tucked under one arm. With a soft bump and an even softer touch, Pyrin wanders away from the distracted foreman. That roll of paper now tucked under his arm instead. By the time the dwarf notices Pyrin is out of sight. Well, well, well, well, Pyrrion mutters, unrolling the paper.

What's all this then? Ominous. Very ominous. What have you done, Hector? What have you done? Hector, you close your cloak around yourself a little bit more. You maybe don't actually really feel the cold, but you know that you should feel cold. I go to Gretchen. The priest is dead.

He tried to feed us to his son, who was a vampire, who is maybe also dead, living under the... Well, now we can figure out why it was built on a hill, I think. Are you okay? She touches her temple. You can tell she's quite clearly, it's painful to her. She touches her temple and winces a little bit. I think I'll be fine.

Yes. She pushes herself up into a seated position. I attach the letters to its... Turned into a spider. A giant spider. Like, not a big... It doesn't matter. I should go over.

get those back and I think stab it in its coffin. Try to remember what we'd, like, A, what we've already done before with one vampire and then also try to just vaguely remember some of the rules. The rules. I think we need to stab it. Yeah. Yeah, that's close. My God, Gretchen puts a hand up to shields her face.

Who turned on the sun? Right, that would be the, what was in the chest. Letters of Noms and Penny. Names and Penny are indeed. she says. Though you think she means it in a different way. Yeah. As an expletive.

Noam's in Pena. Right. Well, let's... Are you okay to walk? Yes. She unsteadily at first, but then with growing confidence, she stands. Oh, follow me. Cast light on a, you know, whatever.

Like a rock, I guess. And opening up the trap door, we start heading down to A, pick up the letters. B, I guess, get my spear back. even though I can summon it, I think, and then also go to his coffin and stab him. You open the trap door, Gretchen takes one look, and says, maybe he's, maybe it's fine. It never is. I start walking down.

She follows. You make your way down to the bottom, and you see no evidence, well, no, actually, sorry, you see in some water, some shallow water, the entire bottom place here, there's a, like, you don't know, if it's a leak or maybe just leaching out of the ground beneath, but there's kind of water everywhere. You could see a slightly damp spear and some very bright and slightly damp pages. I pick up the left. Actually, you can see, sorry, they're casting sunlight. You can see the entire room in sharp relief. This place, you get the impression that before everything that happened here happened. This might not have been so ominous, but it's always been a crypt. Right. This is a, okay, it's always a crypt. Like I said, you could see all the walls around you

are filled with these little alcoves where bodies are interred. A bunch of them look disturbed. Yeah, okay. Well, at least the sunlight will do something. When you say disturb is in Eaton? No, no, you kind of wish that. No. Bogmen. Yeah, you get the impression that some of them got back up and fell out of their position. Right, right. I see. Hopefully sunlight will do damage.

Yeah. Can't hurt. Can't hurt. Can't hurt. the priest and where this vampire had broken out of, his son had broken out of. Yeah, you can see the coffin, the lid, what's left of the lid, has kind of been put back into place as best as possible. But you can see gaps in through that broken lid. And you can see the very, like, even more so than a vampire already looks, even more so than he was in his

starved state. You can see the boy inside this coffin. His skin is salewer and even more haggard looking. He looks worse than when he first came out. Okay. That's it. He appears to be sleeping. But whenever a light touches his skin, you can see he flinches or tries to recoil from it. Okay. Well, head over to the coffin. Open up the lid or move the lid. A very short prayer. Or even just an apology. Sorry this happened to you. No one deserves this. And then using the spear, I guess using the packed weapon, I guess turn it into a steak

and plunge it into his heart. You plunge the steak into his heart. He suddenly wakes up. As you're plunging it in, he suddenly wakes up, wraps up, wraps his hands around your arm, looking up into your face with terror, he says nothing, he just gasps one final time, and then he, it is if his skin ages a million years in a moment, and then it's slowly in little flex at first, then in huge chunks, and then all at once, he becomes floating ash. When you stab him, you feel a pain inside yourself.

May you never be hungry again. Okay. I then look around to look around and take the rest of this crypt in, perhaps where some of these bog men have fallen so that we can avoid them. There is. And perhaps it's some treasure. If you want treasure, you will have to pilfer religious iconography or from the dead. No, no, no, no.

I mean, you know, the priest's dead, so I guess the town maybe isn't going to be using it in. Anyway. It's true. And speaking of, go to the priest and I guess, yeah. What's left of him? What's he left of him? He's like shreds. It's like someone put him through an industrial shredder.

Still, pick him up. You'll need a sack. You'll need a bag. Thinking of grabbing his remains to be like the townsfolk, I'm so sorry. I mean, like, priest is dead. I'm really not exaggerating. He is strips. Yeah.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Right. Well, I guess I can't give... You could take your skull. Is there like an ossewer? Oh, they already hate me so much. Hold on. Look what happened to your priest?

I did this. Is there like an ossuary within the crypt where you could like put his skull to like put him to rest or something is what I was thinking. Yeah. You could probably collect. whatever parts of him you feel like picking up and put them somewhere, yes. Okay. Well, they will do that. Sure.

You know, they're just like us, like talking to him, but in order to Gretchen to be like, so it looks like his son has turned into a vampire, and he has kept him down here, feeding him when he can. Yeah, cool. Not often. Love that. Yeah. Well, even still, he was a man of God.

was very well late well well I hope he found his god and forgiveness in that I guess I don't know Gretchen sits down yeah I wouldn't be alert

she stands up yeah I put him away into some sort of or a crypt or something that is applicable and then we head upstairs Gretchen maybe takes a sheet of something maybe there's

there would be um stuff for religious rights and stuff here. Shrouds. Yeah, she takes a shroud and she lays it over the area where his body got torn up and there is still bits of him left. It's like, it ought to be like, oh, you know, he wasn't a bad man. He was just, you know, pushed to the brink. But, like, he was also a bad man. I think he was a bad man. I think he was pushed to the brink, you know? So, you know, it's just not like, oh, the poor guy. It's just like, you know, hey.

Yeah. I suppose he was doing what he thought. thought was right for his own kin, as misguided as it was. Well, let us get out of here. I don't know about you, but, and I hate to do it here, but I guess maybe it's safe now. I just... In here. Well, not in here, but upstairs. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Okay, when you said, get out of here, I thought... I guess it to this, like, where the bog men might be. Yeah. Bogman? Don't worry about it. Let's grab your letters. I grabbed the letters and head up. All right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there anything heavy upstairs we could just on top of the trapdoor? There's plenty of heavy. Let's just... You notice, as you collect the letters, you realize that... So, it's not like Gretchen can be like,

wow, cool letters. Yeah. And, like, read them, you know, without having to deal with the fact that she's looking at the sun. But you get the distinct impression, and Gretchen doesn't really seem to know this, Or notice this.

You only notice it because you can tell that it's harder for you to look at the letters than it is for Gretchen. Makes sense. It doesn't cause you damage. It's just... Yeah. It stings quite clearly. Right. Well, okay, let's head upstairs.

What are they looking out at Barovia? What time is it? It's still nighttime. You should get some rest. I'll keep watch. Tomorrow is very important. It's looking out at it. Do I see, like, Mount Gacchus, like the town of Borovia?

Mount Gacchus is almost... Shit hole. It is Barovia. In the depths of the night and with snow beginning to fall, Mount Gacchus is visible as shadow upon shadow. You can feel, or you can see Castle Ravenloft, and you can see the few lights from Borovia. Are you called?

You look over at her. You can see she must have pilfered the priests. Like, uh, wardrobe. Yeah, she's quite clearly wearing some of his furs as well. Um, you know, maybe hand my furs as well. Like, keep yourself warm. Oh, start a fire. Is there a place like a start of fire?

Yeah, yeah. I'll tend to it. Uh, you'll get some, get some. Check on the horses. No, no one's been eaten. No, yeah, they're eaten yet. Oh, no, he's rolling. That can't be good.

Don't ask. Did you leave them inside? Yeah. Okay, they're fine. Yeah, good, good. Because there was a chance. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was right to leave them inside.

The horse is at such risk in Barovia. As we established in season one of play slash ruin, the natural predator to our horse in D&D is a skeleton. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Barovia is full of skeletons. You actually haven't fought one. That is kind of crazy. Yeah, well, everyone's got too much meat on them is what I'm hearing, dude.

People could have less meat. I could easily decide that. Well, Tendifier. Gretchen has a slip, a novel. I guess, yeah, in a very thin bear. Yeah, well, you don't feel in the cold, really. Actually, keep watch this time. The first snows of the season blanket the lands of Borovia.

But, despite how cold it is now outside, the fireplace keeps you warm all night, Pep. You wake up the next day. Maybe you wake up to, like, a... Yeah, come in. The door opens and Danica steps in with a platter of food and coffee. Oh, thanks, Danica. What's the time? I like look around for a clock or something.

Look out the window. Danica says it is soon to be nine. Okay, that's not too bad. That's enough time to have a drink and some fruit. I'd like sit up in bed and can I see as the snow started falling on Valichai too? Yeah, snow's falling all over the place. see it collecting in the windows. Snow's here. God damn. Thank you, Danny.

No worries. There is some people downstairs collecting. Just our current crew, tiny Claudia Keening. Yeah, okay. I'll be down in, you know, 10 minutes. Take your time. I eat the like breakfast looking at the window with the snow. And then when I'm finished, I get dressed properly

and head downstairs. Downstairs, it seems like some more people have assembled. You see Iona, Elaniel, you see, as I said, or as was told to you already, Tiny and Claudia and Keening, yeah, are all here. Good morning, everybody. I've been told by, is Muriel here? Did you say Muriel?

Muriel, maybe as you're looking around, the door opens and Muriel steps in. As Muriel said, we're on kind of something of a time limit. She said this last night. when something of a time limit, so we're going to try and make the Valachi meeting as quick as possible. I mean, you know, we're not going to rush it, but we've got pressing matters to attend to. Has Muriel, do I know if Muriel's told everyone about Hector's time at Castle Ravenloft? You don't know, I don't think.

You don't know who knows. Okay. This is probably the time to talk about it. Is everyone here? Like everyone that could be here is here, basically. Iona, Muriel. Oh, Krivitz here as well, actually. Fuck yeah.

Keening. I love that guy. I think so, yeah. Okay. I go up to maybe the bar, just because that's kind of like in front of everyone. I don't know if Muriel has informed you all about what our dear friend Hector is doing in Castle Ravenloft. Is everybody across this or? There's a heavy moment as you look for person to person.

the heavy moment stops being awkward when you realize yes. Look, no one's happy about it, least of all me. But I'm also not surprised. And maybe this is a lesson for all of us to sort of accept that putting all of your stock into one person, no matter how special they appear to be, was probably foolish to begin with. And, you know, Cavendish, he didn't join up in whatever cause you want to call this because he believed in Hector. He had perhaps more wisdom than any of us. He just saw it as the right thing to do.

And I don't know. I guess I'm starting to see the wisdom in that. And maybe all of us should take a leaf out of his book. Obviously, we're probably going to encounter Hector again at some point. And we all know, well, I hope we all know, it's probably stupid for us to act as though he is our enemy, even though it appears he might slowly be becoming. So let's all stay friendly. Let's sort of act as though we're still on the same side when we encounter him until we reach a point where we can no longer reasonably do that. Does that sound acceptable to everybody?

Everyone like murmurs or nods their assent. Yeah. He was just one man. All right. Well, let's... How much time have we got, like, you know, half an hour until the meeting? Danica maybe steps out of a little cloak room, and you can see she's bundling some furs around her, as she says,

we must leave now. Right, okay. The thought was to have the meeting here, but she gestures... You can see the Blue Water Inn has seen better days. It's not in great shape right now. Okay. Where are we to have the meeting? Blinsky...

has offered to host us. It is not the nicest of surroundings, but his building is... His home is... It is, yes, has not been touched much by the chaos going around. All right.

Dblinsky as it is, a meeting amongst dolls and puppets and such. All right. Yeah, sounds good. Everybody who's to attend the meeting, follow us. Everybody who's not invited. prepare for us to venture toward the last lodestone.

All right. Chop, chop, let's go. And we'll head for Blinsky's. All right. You had for Blinsky's toys? I don't know if you'd ever in your time here. Probably I would have been there a couple of times. Yeah.

But, you know. You see, it's a familiar building. The facade of it, quite obviously, Blinsky is a man who, through thorough investigation, because he is probably the most suspicious man in all of Alachi, and that is saying something. He adores children, but he has a funny fucking way of showing it.

The facade of his building is meant to look like a classic children's shop from like, you might say, like in our world, you might say like the 1920s. It's got like a classic Victorian sort of facade to it, all these bright, colorful markings and such on it. except everything looks weirdly twisted. Like there's these two toy soldier, like giant ones, which mark the doors, stand on either side of the doors. And rather than looking, shall we say, normal,

they have these huge, jagged teeth painted onto themselves. And instead of holding, like, regular spears, their spears are, well, they are holding regular spears. Sorry, what I mean to say is their spears are tipped with blood. But the blood's kind of like done up to be very bright and colorful. Okay. Okay. There's a bunch of other like little effects and things like that where you're like, strange choice, Bluntsky, but okay.

Well, yeah, as I look over it, maybe I say to Danny, I'm like, you know, maybe odd, but perhaps for a Barovian child, you know, if it wasn't tipped with blood and they weren't wearing horrible ricketer grins, maybe that would be strange. Danica looks at you and very earnestly says, I grew up in Borovio, Pip, this is pretty normal. Exactly. Look, I'm not going to lie. If children's toys don't look like this, I think children are weak.

Yeah, one of my brother's pup had a stuffed animal, and it was just like a stuffed bear. It was very, I mean, he shredded it with his teeth, I guess. You told me about this, yes, he would do, would you say, death roll. Yeah, he would death roll his stuffed teddy bear. And then they would say, you've ruined it. And pup would say, well, he wasn't talking at that point.

And they'd get him another bear and then he'd death roll that. I forget why I started telling this story. Open the door and step inside. Just kept killing teddy bears. I don't know why they insisted on giving him more teddy bear. They kept giving him for the death roll. We all knew what was going to happen. He's going to death roll the bear.

But yet they still did it. I think they wanted. Maybe they were encouraging it. You know, throwing just their heads against the wall, man, it's madness, really. Surgery on his stomach several times because he just kept eating. Yeah, he kept eating there.

They filled it with rocks, hoping it wouldn't do it. But then it did it anyway, of course. Poor teddy bear. Poor teddy. Not of us got teddy bears. I don't know what that's about. I'd have cherished. I loved a toy of any kind.

Yes, Denico? Everyone steps inside. and, well, not everyone steps inside, sorry, because Keening outside is arranging those of you who don't need to be part of this meeting, he's arranging them to, he's assigning them jobs. He's like, oh, go fetch food, go fetch horses or something like that. But you see that Kribut standing there is trying to push his way in. As Keening is talking to other people, he has one hand out,

and he's just keeping Kribut forcing him in place. Yeah, that's fine. Cribut looks past Keening at you, Pip, and says, please. I don't know what you want. I will write meeting minutes. It's not going to be interesting, Cribut. It'll be a lot of, you know, administratively sort of discussion. This one, I must study this one.

He says gesturing at you. I look at Keeney and give like a... He gives you a big shrug as well. Yeah, come along. He's been talking about a... Some new invention of his for storywriting. Is this the documentary? No, the new thing.

Calling it the hero's journey. Oh, is that so criminal? This is threshold. He says gesturing to the two soldiers. This is the threshold? Yes. This is a meeting. All right, I take his hand.

I give Keating another look like, Oh, fuck it. She take cribbyte's head. I'll take crumetian. All right, little guy, come on. He's just a little boy. He's just a little boy. He's just a little frog boy.

All right. You step inside and then one by one, the people. So, Keening leaves with most of your, like, actual party. So Iona, Elaniel, well, up until now, cribbit. Yeah. And tiny, these people weren't needed for the meeting. So Keenings using them to get other things done. who does stay is Claudia and Danica.

Then, one by one, the other people, well, obviously Blinsky's already here, but then one by one other people arrive. Blinsky himself, by the way, is a very, like, large, like, very jolly. He's like Santa Claus except he hasn't gone white yet. He has still just very deep black beard and hair. He dresses also very colourfully, but this is like the only thing about him that is a Sinister. He's just very flamboyant. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Blinsky's already there and then in addition, Kazimir, Izek, who apparently was a fucking nightmare to arrange, but eventually

relented as Keening asked. Henrik, the coffin maker. Danica already here. Soldar and Yevgeny, the Wolf Hunter Brothers. Okay. And that's it. Yes. All right. Great. Is there like a big table or like some kind of like meeting hall or like a... There's a big table. You see, Blinsky is quite clearly not properly prepared for this. Imagine a pool table

except the green is like undulating, soft undulating hills. And there's like little toy soldiers set up in like a battlefields formation. Blinsky, as people are setting down, he's quickly clearing them away at the same time as he... You get the impression as well.

He was playing some sort of war game. Or you arrive. He is also at the same time setting out little cakes and tea for people. Thank you, Blinsky. That's very kind of you for setting this up. I take a position, I guess, at like head of the table or the battleground. Sure. And I wait for everybody to be seated.

One by one, people sit down. They're very cordial with each other, with the exception of Izek. So people like Henrik, who is a... You would call him, he's probably pushing 70. He's quite old, especially for a Borovian. They don't tend to get up that age. Henrik is the sort of person who, if you can imagine like a classic Western

when one of the people is shot in the jewel and the coffin maker just comes out. He's like this dour, silent man who just picks up the corpse and drags it away. The coffin is kind of in the shape of a coffin as a person. Yeah, he's very, yeah, he is quite tall, yeah. Henrik, who you have maybe met a few, times, but you've literally never heard him speak. He nods politely to Kazimir, who nods back,

and maybe he shakes hands with Danica and maybe shakes hands with you. But he, once again, says nothing as he sits down. Isek, if anyone approaches them to say hello or anything like that, he just grunts, but not even at them. He just grunts. He's so unhappy to be here. Isaac, as I stated previously, used to be the right-hand man of the previous Berger master. But, circumstances being what they are. Yeah. He didn't really go in for the cult stuff,

but he is definitely very upset with how things played out. He is nonetheless, though, someone you probably want on side. He has influence with some of the seedier elements around Valakai. And then Saldar and Yevgeny are both, like, kind of Eastern European stereotypes. Okay, awesome. Yeah, okay.

What? Like, you're tracking. He's having a bit of a squat. Smoking cigarette. I guess that's not the stereotype I was thinking on. These guys are awesome. I love him. Yeah.

One of them has like a false eye and a huge scar on his face. He's balding as well with a huge bushy beard. The other one is kind of like a little bit more, you would say, live. Looks almost worm-tongy. Okay. Worm-tong, is that the right name? Yeah, yeah. Looks almost worm-tongy except he doesn't have that like pay.

pallor to his skin. He is still pale, but he doesn't have like a pallor to his skin. Yeah. And he has more hair. But apart from that... The more haired of the brothers. Why are they given such a point of prominence for the city of Valika? Well, you would know that Saldar and Yevgeny are... They, ever since Barovia, what happened to the township of Barovia, They've been largely in charge of most of the food that is coming to Valakai. As trappers, skilled trappers, they're able to capture, like, large beasts as well for food.

So Valachi, this is maybe something that you were briefed on. A lot of Valakai's food is currently meat. Yeah, all right, they need vegetables. Yeah. Okay, cool. No one's really sure where those vegetables are coming from, though. Um, yeah, all right. Well, I wait until everybody's seated, uh, before making an address. But when everybody is, I stand up and I go, um, thank you everybody for coming here today to this meeting to decide, I guess, the future of Velikai.

Uh, first of all, thank you to Blinsky for providing us such a wonderful place. Is no Blinsky is no fun. Yes, he says. Yes. A couple people in the group roll their eyes. Uh, uh, Because, yeah, obviously this is a pretty good place for us to have a meeting like this. I would also say, first of all, I guess, I thank you for having this task fall to me. Personally, I wouldn't have done that. But that seems to have been the decision, so I will do my best to officiate this meeting. Saldar looking at you interrupts and says,

I would not say that everyone in town was as thrilled about this. Well, fair enough, Saldar. That makes a lot of sense. I am no politician. I'm a monster hunter by trade, you know, and I'm barely that. But the point is that people seem to have some level of respect for me. So, you know, I guess it makes sense that I'm officiating this. I do not intend, and I know this is going to probably calm some of you and piss off others.

But I do not intend to be any kind of permanent burger master for this town. I wait to see what... There's a bit of murmuring among that. People look at each other. Yeah. Some people like Saldar and Yevgeny, you get the impression that they knew you were going to say something like that. Henrik gives you a very serious and stern look, which I mean... Well, yeah.

You don't know if that's a reaction. You can't even tell if he was listening. No, he gives you a very serious and stern look. he maybe has these like little wire frame glasses which he lowers a little bit like he thinks that's not a very wise idea but he doesn't speak blinsky out of everyone maybe blinsky actually has the largest reaction yeah no no no no no I'm sorry blinsky I knew that was going to upset you the most dear blinsky who had such good times together my dearest friend Blinsky. Yes, I know that there's a lot of people who expected me to fill that position, but there are a couple of reasons I'm not going to do that.

One, I don't know how. This is not something I've been trained for, either, you know, in a professional setting or by blood. So the chances are I would fuck it up. So I'm actually, in a way, sparing you of that by not taking the role. But I do consider myself a good judge of character. So the person I will leave in my stead, given that this decision has fallen to me, will be somebody who can do the things that I could not. And secondly, I just, and no disrespect, don't want to. My destiny, whatever it is, lies beyond the walls of Valakai.

Having said that, in this meeting, hopefully we will be able to address any issues you have regarding the city's future and make some decisions going forward that put you in a position. place of, you know, comfort and maybe even prosperity, all things considered. I suppose, let's begin by opening the floor. Let's do a hands raising, so not all yelling. And we can try and address some of those concerns. Henrik speaks first. Henrik, Coffin Man. Let's hear it.

There is the duty of fixing the walls to town. mighty huge gaps in them now snowed in and parts as well people are going to need to step up about that and if we can't use the tree blight to fix those holes then we're going to need a lot more wood we're going to need a lot more wood we're going to have to do a lot more logging a lot more logging requires better trapping for protection against creatures and if you're busy doing that you're not busy making food for us. Heavier reliance on outside

food. Wasn't too hard, Womberovia was the thing, but now we get only our outside food from up in the mound. Right, whatever Yvgeny and Saldak can trap. Mm-hmm. Yes. I had some thoughts about this. Now, what

level of communication, obviously, you've gone to a couple of crises, but what level of communication does the city of Valichai have with the city of Kutri and the city of Kresik. People look among each other and they're not... You see, people aren't sure. Like Blinsky looks at Saldar, who looks at Yevgeny, who looks at Claudia. Some people literally shrug their shoulders.

They don't know. Isaac speaks. The Birjamaster of Valakai and the Burjah Master of Kutjuri would speak sometimes in cordially, but it was Strad's council who ultimately decrees. freed what happened between the cities. Right. It was Escher and Ludmilla who would negotiate contracts on behalf of the towns. Well, Ludmiller's dead.

And I don't know what's happened to Escher. He could be dead too. But the card in your pocket starts burning a bit. Ow! But I happen to know that the people in charge of Coutary now are a man named Bigfoot Paul, who is very trustworthy, and the former Burjamboy. whose name I can't recall. Elena Tomac.

Danica leaning in. Elena Tomac. Danica passes a little note to you. Elena Tomac. And, you know, as far as things go, we can consider that city liberated of Ludmiller's rule. So if we can begin communication in that direction, they have an entire abattoir up there set up for the butchering of meat. And perhaps, once again, on your own terms, not on strards. could provide Velikai with, you know, meat and food.

Possibly you could provide something in return. I don't know what you produce here. Now, Kutri. What resources do I know Kutri has? Kutri? Could Kutri be, how would they get in food? You're not 100% sure. Meat came in.

Oh, well, no, sorry. No, you do know this. They would have gone from Kutri as well, right? Yeah, there's loads of farmland around Kutri, specifically. for cattle. They butchered a lot of cattle there. And it's not going to go into the dragon, so... Well, that's what I'm thinking, yeah.

Additionally, there is the possibility that Kuturi could turn some of its farmland designed for the grazing of cattle into, you know, a farmland dedicated to growing crops. I also, for a brief period of time, managed a meager

sort of vegetable patch just outside Kresik. And perhaps Kresik could expand and begin to grow some vegetables themselves, and you could trade with Kresik, the same way you trade with Kutri. And perhaps Kresik could trade with Kutri as well. And Borovia, obviously no longer existing. Perhaps these three cities could pick up the slack, and the breadbasket of Borovia, the realm could move from that side to this side. And maybe through that, you could also protect one another, and that might provide you some assistance as well. There's some murmuring

a discussion about that. Danica, maybe pipes often, says, it would behoove us to find a new breadbasket besides Borovia now, but this would take time. Anything we do will take time. I say to everybody at the table. Nothing we do is going to get solved overnight. There will be many, many more months, possibly even years of suffering. Unfortunately, that's just the sort of hand we've been dealt. But if we cooperate, operate and if we try to look out for one another, then in a year's time, perhaps too, you can be living once again in relative prosperity, relative to the shithole, no offense that is Borovia. Danica continues to speak. In the immediate to feed people today, we could speak to Cucciari

to arrange an agreement. They have an excess of food at the moment, as far as we are aware. no longer sacrificing to their meat god. Yes, they were feeding all of the cattle. Interesting for you all to know, to a headless dragon. But that's been dealt with. A bunch of people swear at the table. Yeah, but that's dealt with now. So they've got an overabundance of meat.

What in terms of resources are you producing here in Valakai, if anything? Casimir, the Dusk elf speaks up. You produce nothing worth trading. Right. You have access to the lake. There is fish here, but Kuchari already has meat. They might appreciate a variety of meats, but it will not be a great bargain for you. What you have here that Kuturi cannot supply themselves is you have land that could be converted to farmland.

Yes. Is Muriel here? No, she's not. God, she's not. Danik is part of the way of the feather, right? She can speak on that. Well, farmland. I look at Danica. or vineyards with the destruction of the Wizards of Wines the realm finds itself pretty much without any kind of

joy but within the heart of the tree blight was a seed a life seed and with the way of the feather's blessing should I not be talking about the way of the ball? No you should not I don't say that

you can say this Muriel is a Martikov and they know wine. Okay. And with the Martikov's blessing, perhaps you could begin, and again, this would be slow going, but it's all going to be slow going. You could begin the production once again of wine, Wizards of Valakai, Valachi of wine, whatever it's got to be. And you could trade that wine to Kresik for vegetables and, you know, maybe protection, whatever,

something like that, and to cutary for meat. and begin a nice little sort of trade route amongst yourselves, leaving the Ravenloft side of Borovia defend for itself. Danica nods, and she says, this is a good idea. Everyone around the table kind of murmurs and nods a little bit. Blinsky puts a hand on your shoulder and says, you make a great leader. Thank you, Blinsky.

Like I said, and I hate to disappoint, I don't want this. I don't want to. Break your best friend's heart. I'm sorry, dear sweet Blinsky, light of my life. You were the, on those cold nights, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, Blinsky. But you know that that candle cannot be rekindled.

Life is over, Blinsky, for us. Henrik pipes up again. What of the wall, though. The wall keeps us safe. Yeah, that will require man power, which I suppose Velikai is in dear need of. What do we have to fix the wall? If we're cutting down trees to make farmland,

that woods good for the wall, but the problem is that that's a lot of processing. We need hard hands and strong backs to get all of that done. Do we have a general sense of the Valichai population at the moment? Like a tenth of what it used to be. Actually, that's an ideal. What's the opposite of a decimation, but in the bad way?

Yeah, yeah, okay. Look, I don't know how long this will take, you know, it's going to be a process, but Coutary is somewhat overcrowded. There's a lot of adventurers that's sort of the drain of Barovios where they end up, and adventurers, if I know anything about them, they desire purpose above all else. And just let them know what's a quest. Yeah, just, yeah, put it on a quest board somewhere in town, that you need the walls, you know, fixed and they'll fucking do it.

Plus, adventure is, you know, in terms of extra security, also pretty beneficial. Adventure, if, you know, there's anything in the woods, again, you put a bounty on that thing. You know, you assign at some kind of point value, and the adventurer is in a heartbeat, we'll go and take care of it. The trade-off there is you will probably need to invest some of the town's resources into rebuilding the blue water in and perhaps opening another tavern somewhere in town, because it's If there's another thing I know about adventurers, is that they love a drink.

Yevgeny and Soldar seem pretty for this. Maybe Yevgeny specifically, with his huge fist, you can see, like, you know when someone has hairy hands? Hairy hands with tattoos beneath. He... Here, here, here, he says, slamming the table, especially at the mention of rebuilding the blue water in

and constructing a second tattoo. He seems very pro this entire plan. You, looking back at Henrik, who obviously answered this, or... Pose the question. You can see, he doesn't seem very satisfied with this result, but he doesn't say anything. Henrik, you seem upset. What's the problem? He says. Okay.

Good business for you. Adventurers are dying all the time. Okay. If there's one other thing I know about adventures, it's that they... die all the time. Nevertheless, you know... Dunski pipes up. Yes.

It is, perhaps we should to lift people's spirits, some sort of talent show. Perhaps. We have much spare space with the demolished buildings. We could do something with this, he says.

Perhaps some kind of... Yeah. You could use some of the, I guess, you know, the wood from the buildings on the wall. Well, I was thinking that, yeah. I mean, it's not a talent show. So I don't know. I'm tall.

I don't know if, yeah, I don't know if the talent show could be good. Morale is low. We would need, of course, three expert judges. Wow. Well, Blinsky, let's put that in the maybe pile. Cribut, you hear Cribut. Who's been writing this entire time? He has been taking minutes. He, when you say the maybe pile, you hear him do like a little bit of writing. and then he tears three pieces of paper and he looks like, yes, no, maybe

down on the table. Thank you, Krivet. We will need to raise morale, though, because the city's in shambles and no one's happy. I mean, that's normal. I know this is Borovia, but we can get everybody from, you know,

fuck-ass depressed to just sort of mildly bummed. And that's kind of your baseline. So maybe not a talent show. I mean, maybe a talent show, but something to boost morale would be probably a good idea. With the influx of Blinsky continues.

With the influx of adventurers, perhaps some sort of prestidigitation spell to flood Valakai with the scent of baked goods. Yes. Get everyone hopeful and hungry for bread that doesn't exist. Good job Blitzky. Perhaps Blisky we tease the hungry adventures. With a meal they'll never eat.

Could be an idea. I'm remembering why I found for you. Oblinsky, my sweet dear heart. As he says, this is like looking at all the other people that's able to be like, is no one? Okay, fair enough. Perhaps in a similar vein, and I was going to say this, one of the downsides of bringing adventures into your town is that adventurers,

like I said, they need a purpose. and if they are without one, they're liable to fight one another and kill each other with spears and axes and spells. So perhaps some kind of competition or, you know, something they can train for. Linsky. Yeah. Linsky's really excited at a competition.

Perhaps the establishing of a fighting pit or some kind of very simple arena will satiate that need for purpose or definition that the adventures might... Blood sports, good. Well, not necessarily blood sports. For God. sakes. You know,

it could be feats of strength, just something to keep the adventurers occupied so they don't turn banditry or, you know, murder. Isaac speaks up. They will need to be corralled, to be ordered. They will need

much managing. I could look after this for a fee. Saldar and Yevgeny lean across the table and almost in unison. For a brief moment, Pip, you like, You could blink in your miss at sort of moment.

You're transported to any interaction you've ever had. Yeah, okay. With Gorob and Lushin. I see, I see, I see. Ah, yes, you will look after the adventurers, Izik. And then, of course, once they are loyal to you, once they are following your orders, then everything will be good, right?

When you have your own personal army around town, an argument breaks out. Thank you.